Chapter Text
Suddenly it occurred that there were too many stairs at the base which was built in the middle of a cruel and permanently hungry natural force. And it also occurred that walking up and down stairs is a very difficult task, especially when you need to walk around the base all day long.
Going up. Down. Again up. And down. And everything repeats itself.
Kaz hated stairs. He felt as if he was a lame dog among other dogs who were healthy and who were able to run. Of course he was angry. He was angry with himself, with his useless phantom arm. He couldn't even hold or carry anything.
But mostly Miller was angry with his leg as he was walking slowly because of it; limping, holding the crutch as tight as he could.
He was angry with the others who looked at him with sympathy or pity or who was walking slowly then they usually did so that he could catch up with them.
But there were exceptions. At his boss's presence he felt guilty and looked like a kitten who had done something terrible but who accepted it under angry silent look. And it gave Miller another reason to walk faster. Of course it was painful. At the second deputy's presence he felt the same anger but with a bit of irritation; he still didn't have anything compromising on him.
When Kazuhira was with both of them he tried not to be noticed, enviously looking at them from behind as he couldn't catch up with them no matter how hard he tried. But he never asked to wait for him. He just couldn't. He was ashamed. He was afraid. Their sudden habit of walking slowly at his presence was only making him angry. Almost like stairs.
It was the most terrible; when he was looking up, when he felt despair, fury, injustice. But he just smiled and sent them forward saying that he had something to deal with.
These "something"s were always too many.
And he still hated stairs.
One day Boss became tired of his slowness (at least it was as he thought) and picked him up, when three of them approached another pilgrim way, and walked up stairs with his burden as if it didn't weight anything.
Even though he pretended not to be pleased with the situation he wasn't angry with it but embarrassed. He was embarrassed by the intimacy outside their "comfort zone", he was embarrassed by Ocelot as he realized that he would mention this moment not one or two times.
"Let me go!"
"Put me down!"
"You could have asked!"
But every time it ended the same: with Miller who stopped trying to push Boss away or to turn away himself and was just relaxing in his position still embarrassed and blushed with the only hand laying on his chest.
Ocelot gracefully returned the crutch when Miller was put down on the ground. Kazuhira with his still red face just demonstratively sniffed.
He couldn't get used to this kind of help and every single time was like a new one. For some reason Ocelot didn't make jokes about it, even though it seemed to Kazuhira that there was something malicious in his eyes when Boss picked his commander up. But Kaz had never stopped him.
Only one time he slowed down when they approached stairs and lightly touched Boss's leg with his crutch as if he asked for attention. Ocelot wasn't around at that moment.
- Would you mind lifting me up?