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“no. go by yourself, idiot,” utahime said in a biting tone.
gojo flinched a bit, sensing the intensity of her tone through the other line of the phone. regardless, she could hear him grinning his stupid grin that she constantly has the displeasure of seeing.
“come onnn, iori—”
“don’t call me that, i’ll hang up on you.”
“—it’ll be fun! it’ll actually give you something to do,” he continued, not at all correcting or apologizing for his mistake.
utahime gripped the phone tighter, feeling a vein about to burst from the stress of talking to gojo satoru. “the strongest”? more like “the most annoying”.
utahime gritted her teeth—something she finds herself doing often whenever she speaks with gojo—and took a deep breath in an attempt to relax.
“...okay. fine. if it’ll get you to leave me alone,” she reluctantly agreed.
utahime rolled her eyes as she heard gojo cheering over the phone and proceeded to hang up. to her dismay, he texted her immediately.
“wait iori! we didn’t even discuss the details yet! ):”
“i told you not to call me that,” she replied.
“uta-chan, meet me at the confectionery shop closest to the school in the morning ok!!! (*⌒∇⌒*) see you~”
utahime almost broke her phone.
utahime sighed as she recalled the phone call with gojo that she had the misfortune of experiencing. she crossed one leg over the other, leaning back on the wooden bench that was situated in front of the sweets shop they agreed to meet at.
it was a beautiful summer morning. it was a bit warm, but there was a slight breeze that made it more bearable. she was glad that there was a tree that the bench had been placed near a tree that effectively provided enough shade that would protect her from the merciless heat of the sun.
utahime had dressed light for the day just in case it got warmer later on. she’d picked out a cream, short sleeved button up and paired it with a dusty rose, pleated ankle length skirt. she completed the outfit with light brown oxfords and chose a hair ribbon that matched the color of her skirt.
utahime checked her watch and frowned when she saw that it was 8:30 am. the two were to meet at eight. gojo was extremely late.
she clicked her tongue in annoyance; not only did she have to wake up extremely early on her day off, but she had to spend it with gojo of all people. she wanted to say that she was surprised that he had the audacity to be late.
utahime sighed as she crossed one leg over the other again, placing her elbow on her knee so she could rest her chin on her palm. she leaned forward a bit as she frowned, wondering why gojo asked her out of all people to accompany him. it’s not like she was particularly nice to him, nor had she ever indicated that she even liked him.
today was her only day off of the week and utahime would have rather spent it doing anything else. she wanted to see shouko and figured that this would have been her chance to spend time with her. utahime considered trying to reach out to her next week to see if she was free, and found herself smiling at the thought.
“wow, you’re smiling? i rarely ever see you do that!”
the soft smile quickly vanished as gojo came into view, waving as he approached her.
“that’s because i never have the urge to smile when i see you."
gojo simply laughed it off, which irritated utahime even more. she narrowed her eyes at him, glaring at him with a blazing intensity that rivaled the sun.
“what took you so long? i got here a half hour ago! we were supposed to meet at eight remember?”
“oh, i overslept,” was all he said.
utahime paused for a moment, holding her tongue in order to prevent making a commotion so early in the morning.
“let’s just go already,” utahime grumbled as she got up from her seat, making her way to the entrance as gojo trailed behind her.
the unlikely pair entered the confectionery shop. it was a quiet, cozy little place that was mostly empty—save for the two of them and one other person—which made sense, since it was so early. utahime examined the place, taking note of the peach colored walls, which she’d found adorable and fitting for a wagashi shop. the walls were aligned with shelves that held assortments of various sweets that ranged from small boxes to larger ones, the bigger ones likely being sets that were meant to be given as gifts.
gojo wordlessly went off on his own, leaving utahime at the entrance of the store. she almost glared at the back of his head, but felt relief instead, since it meant that she would be able to look around in peace.
as utahime was about to walk to a different section of the store, she paused at the sound of another person's voice.
"welcome! how may i help you this morning?”
utahime looked to her left to see an elderly lady, who wore a lavender apron atop of what she assumed was the shop’s uniform. she was dressed in a crisp, navy blue shirt that was paired with a pair of black pants. her light gray hair was pulled into a bun, allowing utahime to be able to view her face clearly, her gentle brown eyes radiating warmth as she waited patiently for utahime to answer. she smiled warmly and utahime felt a bit at ease by her presence.
“oh, thank you, i’m just looking around actually,” she answered, smiling politely.
the older woman nodded in response. “let me know if you need anything, okay dear?”
utahime’s smile widened as she nodded, starting to walk away before she heard the woman speak.
"oh, is that satoru?”
utahime stopped abruptly, turning around to look at the employee in surprise.
"do you… know him?” utahime questioned as the woman looked over in gojo’s direction, who was across the store, peering intently at a selection of sweets.
the elderly woman turned to look at utahime so that they were standing face to face. due to their difference in height, the gray haired woman had to look up when she spoke.
“ah, yes, he used to come here often with a young, dark haired man,” she answered, and utahime’s eyes widened in surprise at the familiarity of the description. “however, he suddenly stopped showing up one day. i was worried that something had happened to him since he would come by often, but i’m glad to see that he’s back.”
the woman paused for a bit, her face scrunching up as she frowned; it looked like she was thinking about something intently.
“i wonder what happened to the other young man though… they were always together...”
the elderly woman walked away and left utahime to ruminate in her own thoughts.
sadness settled in her chest; not heavy enough to weigh it down, but enough to make its presence known. she realized that the woman was likely referring to getou. the pair were practically inseparable, always spending time together, whether it be messing around or arguing about something convoluted.
even so, the two got along well, no matter how much they contrasted each other. getou was likely the only person that gojo respected and saw as an equal, which was saying a lot, because he absolutely did not show even the slightest bit of respect to his elders.
letting out a sigh, utahime looked over to where gojo was currently standing, his hand resting under his mouth while his other arm settled across his chest. as the sun filled the space he occupied with its gentle light, utahime couldn’t help but think that there was a melancholic feeling about him that she couldn’t describe. she had never noticed any signs of it before since he was always the human embodiment of annoying, but as she carefully observed him in that moment, she realised that something was different.
pushing her thoughts to the side for later, utahime walked over to the shelf that was close to where gojo was, and began to scan the variety of sweets that sat in front of her.
she may not have had a sweet tooth, but utahime did enjoy sweets from time to time, especially when paired with hot green tea to achieve that perfect balance where it wasn’t overwhelmingly sweet. she found herself very pleased with the selection that presented itself before her; not only were the wagashi enticing, but the designs of the packaging were gorgeous and organized in such a neat and visually pleasing way. she'd definitely have to take shouko here.
utahime carefully examined a medium sized, crimson box that was decorated with dazzling golden streaks across the top of the lid that protected the sweets, curious as to what was stored inside.
she peered at the label that was placed in front of the box, reading the neatly printed words that described the contents that resided in the box.
red bean mochi: sweet red bean paste wrapped with soft, rice cake. carefully dusted with matcha powder for a bitter taste to achieve a pleasant balance of this well loved dessert.
turning her head slightly to her left, utahime saw that gojo was still deciding. it wasn't a surprise, since there was so much to choose from. additionally, the wagashi were packaged so beautifully with such delicate care that you couldn’t help but gaze at them.
utahime felt like she might have understood why gojo and getou had frequented this shop so often. it radiated a homey and comforting feeling, from the way the walls were painted, to how the sweets were arranged and presented. the employee (who utahime assumed may have been the owner) instantly gave off such kind, warm energy and seemed pleasant to talk to. since she knew gojo's name, it was safe to assume that they were well acquainted.
it was also quiet, adding to the feeling of peace she felt simply by being inside. even though this was her first time here, she felt at ease and looked forward to returning.
utahime felt a bit saddened at the thought of getou and gojo visitng the shop as regular patrons and spending their time here in a lax, easy going manner. she could imagine the easy flow of their conversations as the pair scanned the shelves for what they'd like to share with each other, deciding what the other would enjoy.
utahime’s thoughts shifted to shouko and how much she cared for her. she remembered when getou passed and how shouko had picked up smoking in an attempt to make the sorrowful feelings vanish, to hide from having to confront and sort through them. utahime recalled their numerous conversations where she pleaded her to stop, unable to escape the fear that had a tight hold on her as shouko was shortening her own life because getou had lost his.
utahime thought about how she'd feel if she lost shouko like gojo lost getou, causing an ache to bloom in her chest at the mere thought of it. needless to say, she would be absolutely devastated and unconsolable.
for the first time in her life, utahime felt incredibly sad for gojo satoru.
shaking her mind of such morbid thoughts, utahime hurried to make a decision for her confectionery of choice.
scanning the array of boxes, brown eyes focused on a lavender colored package with images of different sweets printed on the surface. she leaned a bit closer to read the label.
kashiwa mochi: a soft rice cake carefully wrapped with oak leaf, and filled with red bean paste, a filling favored by many. enjoy this dessert with a hot, steaming cup of tea for a delicious experience. (oak leaf is not edible)
utahime hummed as a peach colored box caught her eye.
a thoughtfully selected variety of customer's favorites. this assortment includes: red bean mochi, kashiwa mochi, white peach mochi, and sakura daifuku. pairs well with a cup of hot, green tea.
utahime carefully picked up the pink rectangular box that was decorated with an array of warm colored flowers on the surface of the package. she smiled as she held it in her hands, looking forward to sharing it with shouko. she imagined the small smile that shouko would give her and she felt a gentle warmth bloom in her chest.
turning to gojo, she saw that he had selected two different boxes of wagashi. a pink box rested atop a lavender one in his hands as he continued looking.
she was about to ask who those were for when she realized that it was likely he'd be able to finish those by himself.
gojo felt her stare and turned to look at her, his rounded sunglasses sitting on the edge of his nose, allowing her to see his piercing, sapphire eyes.
"what? can't stop staring because you're so enamored by me?" he asked, grinning with amusement.
utahime felt the rush of the usual annoyance return. ignoring his stupid comment, she asked a question that had been on her mind.
"why did you have me come here with you?"
he raised an eyebrow at her inquiry, as if she'd asked something puzzling.
"to buy wagashi?"
"no, stupid, i mean why did you have me come with you," utahime clarified, eyebrows pulled together as she glared at him.
"why not? who wouldn't want to spend time with me—"
"i do not enjoy spending time with you, for this specific reason," utahime interrupted in a sharp, biting tone.
"okay fine," gojo relented as he turned his attention back to the colorful boxes. "... you were the only person available."
utahime felt her lifespan start to decline at the amount of stress and anger she was experiencing. "you didn't even ask me if i was free!"
"well, of course you'd be, what else would you be doing?" he inquired casually, not taking notice of—or choosing to ignore— utahime’s growing annoyance.
utahime felt her blood pressure rising, but she tried to calm down by biting her lip to prevent any obscenities from slipping out. she didn't want to disrupt the atmosphere of the establishment, and she certainly didn't want to disturb the kind woman who worked here.
"why didn't you just come here on your own? that's an option too, isn’t it? you didn't need to beg me to come."
"i didn't beg."
"you practically did, in your stupid little begging voice," she countered, recalling their conversation on the phone with dissatisfaction.
gojo's mouth pulled into a bit of a pout as he glared at her a bit before turning back to the shelf, picking up a dark blue box decorated with intricate designs.
"do i really have to tell you?" he asked in a flat voice.
"yes you do because you're the one who dragged me here," she answered with a cutting edge in her tone, feeling rather annoyed at his resistance to her question.
utahime observed the taller man intently, watching the slightest changes on his face. she noticed that he bit his lip, which was followed by the sharp sound of him clicking his tongue.
"...fine," he relented, lips pulled into a slight frown, eyebrows knitted. he knew she'd see right through it if he lied to her.
there was a bit of silence before he managed to force the words out, each one leaving a stinging sensation that burned his tongue.
"...i haven't…" he mumbled, turning his head a bit to focus his gaze on the neat stacks of wagashi. "...been able to come here alone since… what happened with getou…"
he trailed off as he switched his focus, now staring blankly at the navy package that loosely rested in the grip of his roughened fingers.
a deafening silence took place of the comfortable atmosphere as utahime bit her tongue, deciding on what to say. the pair didn't have a good relationship, as gojo was adamant on disrupting any peace in her life in return for a good laugh. with that in mind, the two had never reached the phase of a relationship that allowed vulnerability with each other. gojo was the absolute last person she'd ever consider opening up to and, well, utahime wasn't sure if gojo ever shared any personal feelings. he definitely didn't seem like the type to do so.
so she found herself wondering, as she stood at the corner of the warm confectionery shop: how had gojo been dealing with the loss of his cherished friend?
she couldn't help but feel sad for him as she came to the realisation that he'd probably been carrying all of his neglected and unresolved emotions to himself all this time. it still weighed heavily on his heart, which was evident by her presence here.
after quickly making a decision, utahime looked up at him and broke the silence.
"did you finish getting what you wanted?"
he glanced at the shelf one last time before turning to her to answer.
"yeah, are you ready—"
without a word, the eldest of the two took the stack of delicately crafted wagashi right out of gojo's hands, causing him to flinch at the sudden action.
gojo eyes widened in surprise, not knowing what to say while she easily balanced the packages in her arms.
"what are you doing, uta-chan?"
gojo was faced with utahime's warm brown eyes, which glowed with a blazing intensity as she glared at him, her thin eyebrows knitted as she frowned at him, enhancing her annoyance.
"shut up. call me that again and i’ll break all of your stupid ugly little sunglasses," she spat through gritted teeth as she walked over to the counter, leaving him behind.
gojo was left to stand dumbfounded in the corner of the shop as he'd processed what just happened. utahime making such threats wasn't abnormal, but her words didn't match her actions, leading to more confusion.
utahime felt a gentle warmth rise in her chest as the elderly woman greeted her at the register, her smile radiating a feeling of familiarity.
the two women exchanged pleasant conversation as the older woman carefully packaged utahime's purchase. she opened a drawer and pulled out two colored cloths that contrasted in size. the gray haired woman took the floral lavender furoshiki and tied utahime's wagashi with care and expertise. the dark haired woman watched as she did the same with gojo's sweets.
"here you go!" the older woman smiled warmly as she gently pushed the boxes across the counter. "i hope to see you again, dear."
utahime smiled in return, warm brown eyes sparkling as she carefully picked up the boxes by the carefully tied knots.
"of course, i look forward to coming back."
utahime turned around and scanned the establishment in search of gojo, only to see that he was still lingering around, observing different shelves.
"hey, let's go, we're leaving!" utahime called, making her way to the entrance.
gojo walked over to catch up to her so he wouldn't be left behind.
"care to explain?" he asked once they reached outside.
utahime stopped so she was standing under the shade provided by the tree at the entrance.
"what are you talking about?" she inquired, knowing full well what he was curious about.
"about you paying," he clarified.
"do you have a problem with that?" utahime asked. there was no way that she was giving him the satisfaction of admitting it; paying for him was already enough in itself.
"of course not, i'm absolutely delighted that uta-chan would want to buy my favorite sweets for me," gojo answered in his usual annoying tone, while wearing his equally annoying smug grin.
in response, utahime roughly shoved gojo's boxes of wagashi into his chest, causing him to grunt at the force of the action. she sharply turned on her heel as she stomped away from him, leaving him behind once again.
"this is the last time i'm going to be nice to you in your life!" utahime exclaimed.
/
"so, how was your morning with gojo?"
utahime did her best to restrain an agitated groan, but failed to stop herself from rolling her eyes.
"annoying," she answered before taking a bite out of the kashiwa mochi that she had selected from the assortment. "he was extremely late, and he kept calling me uta-chan."
shouko laughed and utahime pouted in response.
"it's not funny!" she exclaimed."it's so annoying when he says it."
"i think it's cute, uta-chan," shouko smiled and utahime felt a blush tinge her cheeks.
utahime picked up her tea cup and put her lips to the rim, tilting her head back slightly in hopes of hiding her reddened cheeks.
"i mean, it couldn't have been that bad of a time, right? you guys just went shopping for sweets," shouko tried in an attempt to ease utahime’s dismay towards her morning.
utahime carefully placed the ceramic cup on the table in front of her and stared at it before answering, signs of annoyance disappearing as her gaze softened a bit.
"...no," she answered, not taking her eyes off the deep crimson ceramic. "i actually… uh…"
shouko waited patiently for utahime's answer, watching as her face cycled through several displeased expressions before she spoke again.
"this is so hard for me to say, shouko."
"i can tell,” shouko laughed.
utahime sighed.
"i… feel bad for gojo…" utahime finally managed, an odd sensation settling in her stomach as she spoke. "it's weird but, i found out that the shop we went to is where he used to often visit with getou."
utahime glanced at shouko to gauge her expression, and took notice of the subtle changes on her face: the frown the pulled at her lips, the loosening of her fingers on her tea cup, and the look of sadness that diminished any light that she held in her eyes.
"...oh..." was all shouko could say at the mention of the familiar name.
"...and that's why he had me go with him," utahime continued carefully, as to not overwhelm shouko with what she was telling her. "he said he hasn't gone back since."
utahime felt stiff as the silence only continued to grow within her kitchen at each passing second. sensing the haze of tension, utahime hesitantly looked over to the woman beside her. shouko's eyes were downcast as she fumbled with her hands that rested in her lap. utahime watched in silence as shouko bit her lip as she ran her thumb across the back of her hand.
a few minutes passed before either of them spoke again.
"he never told me any of that," shouko said, tone void of any emotion as she reached for a sakura daifuku, brown eyes focused on the light pink of the rice flour, fingers fidgeting with the sakura leaf.
utahime observed the younger woman as she bit into the soft rice cake, carefully chewing the confectionery. she had a distant look in her eyes, a look that utahime saw more often after they'd lost getou.
"gojo never told me anything about his feelings… especially the ones that had to do with… him," shouko continued, unable to say getou's name. "especially not after he was gone. gojo kept everything to himself."
utahime could only watch in silence as shouko reached for her cup of tea, slender fingers slightly shaking as they slowly wrapped around the deep crimson ceramic. there was a slight pause as she gripped it. sighing, she took a long sip, feeling the warm liquid rush down her throat, leaving a bit of a burning sensation in its wake. keeping the ceramic in her hand for the warmth it provided, shouko reached for a red bean mochi with her free hand. she stared at it for some time, running the base of her thumb under the soft glutinous dessert, the distant look taking permanent residency in her once warm, brown eyes.
utahime was weighed down by uneasiness and helplessness as the pair continued to sit in silence. utahime frowned as she noticed the sadness and exhaustion that were ever present on shouko's features, the harshness of the world wearing her down. it'd been some time since they lost getou, but it also felt like it'd only happened recently with how fresh the pain felt.
when it happened, shouko had stopped contacting anyone, isolating herself. it had taken an exorbitant amount of effort for utahime to get in contact with her. she'd sent her numerous calls and messages, and had shown up to her home when shouko didn’t return any of them. it wasn't until the fifth day that shouko had finally answered. utahime was glad she responded because if it had gone on any longer, she would have broken in through her window.
when shouko had opened the door, utahime almost couldn't recognize her. her clothes were stained and unkempt, while her hair looked unwashed, brown strands tangled within each other, resulting in intense knots that would surely be difficult to undo. there were bags that had settled deep under shouko's eyes, contrasting against the paleness of her skin. when utahime made eye contact with her, she saw that distant, blank stare for the first time. utahime felt a weighted sadness take hold of her heart, refusing to let go as she noticed that shouko's beautiful brown eyes were absent of any radiance or emotion, except for despair.
shouko had barely spoken that day, or during the days that followed. utahime spent her days helping shouko take care of herself, starting by cutting her hair; utahime knew through experience that untangling intense knots were annoying and painful, so she didn’t want shouko to have to go through that, especially during a time like this. she also hoped that the fresh haircut would help take some weight off of shouko's shoulders, even if it was just a little bit.
after that was finished, utahime had helped shouko into the bathroom so she could freshen up. she hoped that a warm shower would would soothe some of the stress that shouko had been experiencing during the past few days. when utahime had left momentarily to retrieve a fresh change of clothes, she returned to see that shouko had collapsed onto the tiled floor of the bathroom, her shaky hands barely supporting herself as she’d started to silently cry.
utahime moved to kneel down in front of her dear friend, placing the new set of clothes on her lap. she leaned close to shouko and gently brought a hand to her cheek, carefully wiping away the tears that streamed down her face.
"he’s gone, utahime, he’s….” shouko barely managed between raw, vulnerable sobs as she gripped the soft fabric of utahime's clothes, leaning on her for support. “he’s gone.”
utahime felt warm tears burn in her own eyes at how distraught shouko was. she moved to wrap her arms around shouko’s shaky shoulders, pulling her towards her in a gentle, comforting embrace.
“i’m sorry,” utahime whispered as shouko continued to cry. “i’m so, so sorry.”
after that, utahime continued to visit shouko and helped her by buying and cooking her food, cleaning up her apartment, and making sure she showered and changed clothes at least once a day. it took a while before shouko returned to what one would consider "normal", but even that version of shouko was different from the one utahime knew.
utahime solemnly realized that the shouko she'd met would never return, as she had left them when getou did.
a haze of melancholy quickly filled the space of utahime’s heart as she recalled the memories, sadness softening her features as she realised just how lonely it must have been for shouko to not have gojo to turn to. to feel like she couldn't confide in the only person who had an idea of the endless sorrow and grief that she was experiencing. what should have been a healing experience between a pair who'd lost a cherished loved one, was instead a lonely grieving experience.
utahime's recollection of those hardships were disrupted by shouko's quiet voice.
"i miss him, utahime," shouko whispered as she turned away, eyes unable to meet utahime’s.
utahime felt a dip in her chest at the sadness that weaved itself into shouko’s voice. she leaned forward to place a hand on shouko's shoulder, pulling her into a warm embrace. utahime wrapped an arm around her while carefully placing a hand on the back of her head. the younger woman rested her face on utahime’s shoulder, tears wetting the fabric of her shirt.
"i'm so sorry, my love," was all she could say in a gentle voice.
/
gojo had walked and walked until he found the place he was looking for, a place he thought he would never be able to return to. even though getou was gone, the memories they shared were immortalised in this place that they so dearly cherished.
he’d arrived at a quiet, grassy area surrounded by trees that provided an adequate amount of shade. among the grass were flowers of different kinds, vibrant colors contrasting against the soft blades of grass.
along one of the pathways was a somewhat worn wooden bench, one that he would share with getou whenever they had come here after a visit to the wagashi shop. gojo walked over to the familiar seating area, and sat down. a feeling of nostalgia stubbornly entangled with sorrow washed over him, almost drowning him.
sighing, he placed the furoshiki wrapped boxes next to him before carefully untying the knot.
picking up the lavender colored box, he placed it on his lap. as he went to lift the lid, he noticed that his hand was shaking a bit.
relax.
after taking off the lid, gojo was presented with rows of a familiar dessert: sakura daifuku.
gojo tried to ignore the emotions that rushed through him at the sight of the rice cakes, wishing he could physically push them down and lock them away.
maybe he could ignore the emotions, but he couldn't ignore the memory that came rushing back.
he sighed as he remembered the first time he'd purchased this set of confectioneries. it was a summer day, like today, except they'd visited the shop in the late afternoon. they had barely started frequenting the establishment at that point, and gojo was beyond excited to try out the variety of assortments they had to offer.
"what are you trying today, satoru?" getou asked while he watched the white haired boy gleam in excitement as he peered at the boxes that resided on the shelves before them.
"hmm," gojo hummed thoughtfully. "what did we have last time, red bean mochi?"
"yeah," getou answered. "you loved those. so much that you ate some of my half."
gojo laughed at the memory.
"hmm, i think we should go with this one," he said, picking up a lavender colored box that was decorated with sakura petals.
"oh? which flavor is that?" getou asked, curiously looking over gojo's shoulder so he could read the label.
"it's sakura daifuku," gojo grinned. "i've never tried it before so i’m kinda worried that it might not taste good.
"getou watched as gojo frowned while he stared at the box in his hands while contemplating his decision.
"i'll finish it with you," getou reassured him.
gojo looked up at him, eyebrow raised, sapphire eyes visible underneath his sunglasses. "you sure? even if it tastes bad?"
"of course."
the pair left the shop shortly after and headed to a grassy, somewhat forested area. after settling down on a lone bench, gojo hastily unwrapped the pink cloth that protected the wagashi.
once they unboxed it, the two reached for a piece at the same time, fingers brushing against each other for the shortest moment as they chose rice cakes that were close to each other.
together, they took their first bite of the new found dessert.
getou watched as gojo's face brightened up with a wide smile, cheeks slightly full with the glutinous flour and filling as he chewed the dessert. he couldn't help but laugh.
"how is it?" getou asked, knowing his answer.
gojo flashed a peace sign alongside a satisfied grin. "it's sweet!"
gojo closed his eyes as he tilted his head back, slowly chewing the painfully familiar dessert.
"how is it?" the familiar question haunted his mind.
the silence was deafening as an unwilling tear rolled down his cheek.
"it's bitter."