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You were tackled by a brute force and before you could even think of the maneuver needed to escape, the world was spinning in a disorienting blur.
The next thing you knew, you were slammed face-first against the dense floor mat with a sickening crack.
Black spots temporarily filled your vision and you wheezed, desperately trying to draw in the air that had been knocked out of your lungs. Pain radiated from the arm that was crushed at an awkward angle under your body and in response electricity flickered weakly within you making your hair frizz with static.
A breath of relief escaped you when finally, Natasha relented and moved to stand, releasing you from her strong hold.
“We’ve been at this for months now and you still won’t even try to defend yourself. I’ve taught you how - you know this. Come on, get up. Again.” Her even monotonous voice commanded.
Even though hours had passed, there was no evidence that Natasha was close to being tired. However, you could see that she was getting frustrated, and your stomach churned painfully with guilt at the fact that you kept disappointing her. But after years of being broken down until you were nothing but a subservient shell of a person, you didn’t know what it would take to rewrite past conditioning that had destroyed your instinct to fight back.
That is what Natasha was trying to fix, even if it meant you had to take a beating in the process.
You stood up on sore and shaking legs, wiping the sweat from your brow. Your right arm dangled limply at your side and refused to move. Before you could inspect it further, Natasha had already taken up her stance and looked as if she would lunge at any moment.
“Nat, I think that’s enough for today,” Captain Rogers interrupted pushing himself from the wall where he stood observing and made his way over to stand in between you and Natasha’s lithe frame.
He regarded you with a concerned gaze, and your shoulders sagged in relief at the prospect of being able to end today’s training. With the state of your arm, you were doubtful that you would be able to handle more.
Natasha however, was anything but pleased with Captain Rogers’ input. Her demeanor was cold and calculating, sending shivers down your spine.
“And what will you do Rogers when the people who want her come? Just call it off? That’s not how it works. She needs to do this.”
Her arms were crossed defiantly against her chest as she eyed Captain Rogers with an unwavering stare. However, he seemed to be unfazed and remained as calm and collected as usual.
“If it comes to that I’ll be there, and so will you… we all will. We won’t let anything happen to her, but Nat this way, it’s not working. We have to take a step back and rethink this,” He reasoned.
Natasha was silent then as she turned over his words, and her gaze shifted to you, taking in your bruised and exhausted figure. You shifted nervously under her scrutiny and clutched at the arm that was painfully throbbing with its own heartbeat.
You offered her a small smile that wouldn’t be returned when she tore her eyes from you and gave nothing more than a nod to Captain Rogers before turning to make her leave.
Panic seized you then at her cold dismissal and your body moved to follow her, “Wait! Natasha, I’m –,” Your apology was cut short by the sound of the training room doors slamming shut.
“Sorry…” The word died on your trembling lips.
Captain Rogers carefully stretched his arm out in front of you, being careful not to touch you, efficiently stopping your pursuit when you flinched away from him. You stifled a groan at the slight movement of your arm being jostled, but you were already on the verge of tears knowing that you had upset Natasha. You could hear the familiar hum of electricity echoing in your ears as your emotions waned.
“Hey, it’s alright. Just give her some time. Nat realizes that she made the wrong call and she’s got to work through that. She cares about you and just wants you to be safe, but she went too far,” He consoled you, his voice dropping to a soft and warm whisper.
“But she didn’t go too far – she… it’s my fault,” You stammered, running your free hand through your hair in frustration tugging harshly at your roots. That couldn’t be true, Natasha hadn’t done anything wrong, if anything she was trying to help you.
“Don’t do that, don’t blame yourself. You’ve been through a lot – you’re still going through a lot. Cut yourself some slack, you’re doing great. C’mon let me walk you to your room, you look like you could use some rest,” He reassured you, smiling warmly.
You were still learning to trust him since you had been brought to the tower. His tall, and muscled figure had petrified you, reminding you of the men who had carried out orders, beaten you down, and sliced you open.
Captain Rogers had so far proven to be kind and hadn’t hurt you, and as much as it scared you, you had grown to be less wary of him.
With a nod, you both walked side by side out of the training room and back to your room.
After you had managed to take a shower, using only one arm, and changed into some oversized sweats you had fallen into a deep sleep as soon as your head hit the pillow.
It wasn’t until you were jarred awake hours later when the sun had long since sunk below the horizon from dreams of blood and masked faces. The pain in your arm had grown to be unbearable and under the light of the moon that filtered through the curtains, you could see that the skin of your arm had become red and swollen. You prodded at the swollen flesh and hissed when pain shot up the expanse of your arm.
A fracture, you concluded.
You reluctantly left the warm comfort of your bed and padded into the bathroom, reaching under the sink for the first aid kit. A groan of frustration left escaped your lips when you pried the lip open to find its contents to be near empty.
Since your time at the tower, you had resorted to bandaging yourself up to avoid having to be taken down to the infirmary. The infirmary triggered feelings you wished you could forget, and that was made apparent to the others when you fainted in Dr. Banners arms, but not before an electrical wave tore through you submerging the building in temporary darkness.
Tony Stark wasn’t too happy about that.
After that Dr. Banner conducted all checkups in your room, making sure that he was without a lab coat and avoided bringing anything sharp.
Sitting on your bathroom floor, you contemplated just dealing with the pain, but after today’s failed training session, you pushed the thought away.
Maybe if you could do something as simple as walk into the infirmary without falling apart, you could prove to Natasha that you weren’t a failure and that you were getting better.
Before you could change your mind, you slipped from your room out into the dimly lit hallway and headed for the elevator that would take you to the infirmary.
With every floor that passed, you found that your courage was leaving you just as fast, and by the time the elevator doors opened your body was already trembling. You tentatively stepped out, the pain in your arm acting as a constant reminder as to why you were here in the first place.
Upon approaching the glass sliding doors, that acted as the only barrier separating you from the infirmary you were relieved to see that there was no movement from within.
“All medical staff have retired for the evening. Do you require the assistance of Dr. Banner?” The AI’s voice broke through the silence making you jump.
Your hand clutched at your rapidly beating heart, “No JARVIS, that won’t be necessary. I just – I just need to go in really quick to get some supplies, if that’s alright with you.”
Your mind was racing and a large part of you hoped that the AI would decline your request so that you could abandon this insane idea.
“While there are no restrictions placed by Mr. Stark guarding you from this area, I must advise you against entering as your mental health is likely to be compromised,” The tiniest ounce of concern bleed into the AI’s voice, but the glass doors slid open waiting for you to decide what you were going to do.
The sterile scent from the infirmary washed over you, making you physically ill, and it took everything in you not to spill your guts onto the spotless floor.
Maybe JARVIS is right, maybe you should just turn around and save yourself from the pain. But wasn’t that why you were here, so you could prove yourself?
You balled up the sleeve of your sweatshirt over your fist and held it over your nose and took calming breaths.
“I’ve taken that into account, but at least I’ve got you to watch over me, right JARVIS?” A nervous laugh escaped you when you slowly crept forward into the room.
The infirmary was just as you had remembered, pristine white walls that shinned under the penetrating light illuminating every corner of the room. When you caught sight of the hospital beds that lined the walls you flinched and quickly averted your eyes, as images of cold metal, masked men, and blood flashed through your mind.
Thankfully all it took was a couple of shakes of your head to clear the images from your mind and bring you back to the present. While you were glad no one was here to witness your pathetic attempt at bravery the silence was unsettling.
Despite the panic that was racing through you, you did your best to keep your gaze locked on the cabinets in the back of the room that surely held the supplies you needed to take care of your arm.
A small smile spread across your face as you finally approached the cabinets. You had made it this far and you were proud, thinking you might accomplish your goal.
However, all of that hope quickly evaporated when you tore open a drawer to find packages of scalpels inside. Your vision blurred around the edges and the world seemed to come to a standstill. With shaking hands, you slammed the drawer shut, but it was already too late, panic was flooding your body leaving you struggling for breath.
Crimson filled your blurry vision painting the once pristine white infirmary in blood… surely it had to be your blood you thought, it was always your blood.
You clenched your eyes shut then, the hum of electricity roared in your ears and shot out from your body on its own accord, making the lights flicker and making the medical machinery blare. Through all the chaos you thought you heard a voice, what it was saying couldn’t be deciphered but with your grip on reality wanning, you could do nothing but cower.
Peeling your eyes open, the last thing you saw was the infirmary doors sliding open before they rolled into the back of your head and your body fell into a pool of unconsciousness.
~(everything after this should be bold italics sorry i couldn't figure out the formatting)~
A harsh slap jolted you awake leaving the side of your face stinging. You could do nothing but groan weakly, fluttering your eyes open to find a masked face with penetrating dark eyes starring at you. White light shining down from above cast a halo around his head.
You’d know those crazed eyes anywhere, and when he shook your head in his bruising grip you realized he was trying to get your attention, trying to keep you from the darkness that beckoned you.
When your eyes had focused enough to his liking, he spoke, “Why do you always make me hurt you, Sweet Pea? You know you have to stay awake. The electricity runs best that way and you want me to take it don’t you?” His voice dripped in honey daring you to question his word.
It was only when you felt the warm liquid that coated his gloves smeared across your face and heard the shuffling of people and the clanking of tools did you remember where you were.
Shifting your gaze, you found your body strapped down to a cold metal table with both arms stretched out. More masked men were concentrated there by your arms where your wrists lay mangled with a complex array of wires shoved under the skin and through muscle.
“Yes,” You answered mindlessly watching as your blood pooled on the steel beneath your arms only to spill over the edge and drip to the floor.
He was pleased with your answer as you knew he would be and backed away to join the others in siphoning the electricity from your frail body.
With him no longer obscuring your view of the rest of the room you couldn’t help but notice a strange man standing in the corner with his full attention on you.
He was lithe and tall with black hair falling to his shoulders and piercing green eyes. He didn’t fit in here since he was without a mask and a white lab coat but instead was adorned in an elegant black suit.
Your mind was fuzzy, you couldn’t recall seeing him before, but there was a sense of familiarity you couldn’t quite place.
No one else in the room seemed to pay him any mind, even when he began approaching you in graceful strides.
He paused by your head then, eyeing the mess the masked men had made of your flesh with a cold glare.
“By the Norns, what have they done to you…” His voice was like silk, even as a deep growl resounded at the end of his statement.
You didn’t know what to think of this man, never before had an outsider been allowed so close to you and yet no one acknowledged he was here.
“Who are you?” You spoke hesitantly, hoping that your voice would not travel beyond him because the last thing you needed was to get caught speaking without permission.
His gaze snapped down to your face at the sound of your voice, his hard glare softened as he peered down into your wide and frightened eyes.
“I am Loki, a friend, a person you can trust…” He spoke surely, but his words just confused you more. You didn’t have any friends, but that name… it rolled off of your tongue effortlessly like you had spoken it countless times before.
His lips quirked up when you tested his name, and a strong hand neared your face making you flinch and turn away from him expecting pain. You could hardly feel his knuckles softly stroking your blood-stained cheek when your eyes caught sight of your wrists and exposed muscle, tendons, and wires… so many wires.
“Look at me, Pet.” His voice was still soft, but firm now.
You couldn’t help but follow his command, and your tear-filled eyes found their way back to his emerald ones.
“That’s it Pet, just look at me. I am here to help you, to take you away from this horrid place,” He explained, as he moved from your head and began breaking the leather straps that held you down with inhuman strength.
Fear shot through your weak heart, causing a surge of electricity to shoot through the machinery connected to you. Sparks rained down, and you couldn’t understand if you were afraid of the prospect of leaving with this stranger or having to stay.
You had to stay. It was what you wanted, wasn’t it? Dark crazed eyes flashed in your mind, reminding you of what the right answer was.
“You can’t, I – I can’t leave…” Your voice wavered, and you searched the room for those crazed eyes hoping he would reaffirm your words but you froze when you found all of the masked men as still as statues.
The man named Loki made his way back to your side after breaking all of your bonds and helped your shocked form sit up on the steel table. One hand came up to cradle the side of your face, while the other intertwined its fingers with yours and raised your hand to his face. His eyes never left yours as he placed a warm kiss on your wrist that held no evidence of being mutilated. Your brows furrowed in confusion taking in the sight of undamaged skin.
“Why is that, darling? Why can’t you leave?” He asked.
You couldn’t remember a time you had been handled so carefully, and you nearly forgot the reason for your refusal, but it had been ingrained so deep inside of you the words came out on their own accord.
“They need to take my power, to take it and use it for good, for things I can’t do by myself. I can’t be trusted to have all of this power. I’ll hurt people if they don’t take it from me,” Hearing the words fall from your lips that were only an echo of another man's voice in your head was comforting. That was the truth you knew.
You were sure Loki would understand and leave you be, but the way his jaw clenched and his eyes hardened led you to believe otherwise.
“Did he tell you that?” He asked, turning his head to eye the man who led this operation who stood frozen staring up at the starks of electricity that hung in the air, his white coat stained with your blood.
You absentmindedly traced your fingertips over your bruised cheek and your breath hitched. You were going to be in so much trouble whenever this strange dream came to an end.
“He… he raised me. He’s worked hard to care for me, even though I’m a burden. I owe him everything,” You explained. You were desperate for him to understand, but he just looked at you like you had uttered the worst string of words imaginable.
“It is often those who raise us, who are the best equipped to twist and bend us to their will – to fill our heads with lies. Do you understand me, Pet? This man has lied to you, hurt you, and used you for his gain.”
You pulled away from him, but he didn't allow you to get very far. Why was he saying these things? Was he telling the truth? Had you been lied to your whole life? It was too much to process.
“I… I don’t -,” You struggled to respond.
“Let me show you what being taken care of truly feels like. Afford me an ounce of your trust and I would never dream of betraying it. I’ll keep you safe darling just please... come back to me.” His voice cracked and his eyes were pleading.
You were shocked at his display of emotions, and you wondered why he was so sad. Surely it wasn't because of you.
Safe, he had said... you wanted to be safe... more than anything. No more pain, no more punishments, no more experiments. It was hard to believe there was a place where those things didn't exist.
It seemed like those practices were tied to your existence, and you didn't see how one could be without the other.
You weren't sure if you were strong enough to leave behind everything you knew to find out.
An ounce of trust was all he needed... you could do that, you thought.
Trusting came just as easy as breathing to you. It seemed like this man knew what was best for you just like your father had, and who were you to question that?
A single tear rolled down your cheek as you tentatively reached your shaking hand out to place it in his.
He smiled down at you, a watery chuckle graced your ears. With a squeeze of your hand, he didn't waste any time scooping your weakened body off of the table and into his strong arms.
Everything was happening so fast you whimpered, you were scared.
Before you knew it Loki had made it to the door, and you panicked wondering if you had made the right decision.
You tried to look back over Loki's shoulder to find the familiar masked men, but a gentle hand clasped your face preventing it.
"Look at me, Pet. Everything will be alright," He commanded and you couldn't help but listen peering up at him as you were both enveloped in white light.
~(bold italics ends here)~
The feeling of being pressed up against Loki's chest never left you when you came to. You were comfortable and snuggled further into the warmth, your eyes fluttered open lazily to see Loki looking back at you.
"There you are," He breathed a sigh of relief and hugged you tighter to him.
You noticed the familiar decor of your room in the Tower and the way you were laid across Loki's lap on your bed. You even noticed the sling that was fastened securely over your broken arm. But your heart stopped when you saw the electricity that danced over yours and Loki's skin.
"There is no need to worry, Pet. It doesn't hurt in the slightest, it actually feels quite pleasant," He reassured you, using his fingers that sparked with electricity to twirl a tendril of your hair.
His words did little to soothe you when suddenly flashes of your memory came rushing to the surface. The lab, the men, the blood, the fear, and your father... Loki had been there to see it all.
But he had done far more than just see, he had altered the memory and coaxed you out of it.
It was like a dam had burst inside of you causing your body to shake and gut-wrenching sobs to tear through you. You clung to Loki like a lifeline, and you couldn't believe that you were ever unsure of who he was even if it was inside of a twisted memory.
You cried out his name over and over between gasps and whimpers like it was the only word you were capable of speaking.
"You're safe now, darling. I won't let anything happen to you. Focus on your breath, breathe with me," His lips grazed your ear, comforting you with a gentle whisper.
He rocked you both in a swaying motion and ran his hands through your hair and over your back as he guided your breath.
He was patient with you whenever you struggled to catch your breath and simply started the breathing exercises over again. Eventually, you had calmed, and your tears had run dry. Your body turned to mush in Loki's arms.
"That's it, you're okay. Good girl," He praised.
"Let's get you to bed now, you need your rest and you have a line of worried friends anxiously waiting to see you."
Lifting you into his arms, he carefully tucked you into the blankets mindful of your arm, and slide in right next to you. Both of your chests were flush together leaving not even an inch between you. With your face tucked into Loki's neck, he began running his fingers through your hair again and you found that your eyes were drooping.
How you could be so exhausted after you had spent the majority of the day unconscious was beyond you, but you didn't want to fall back into darkness… you didn't want to go back there.
"I'm afraid to close to my eyes," You confessed, grasping desperately at Loki's shirt trying to fight the pull of sleep.
He made easy work of prying your fingers from his shirt and your heart fluttered when he took your hand in his and placed gentle kisses over your wrist. His smoldering eyes bore into your wide ones just like they had in your memory.
"Rest assured knowing that wherever your mind takes you, I will follow. I will bring you back should things turn for the worst. Can you trust me to do that?" His soft lips parted from your skin briefly as he spoke.
You nodded your head feverently. You trusted Loki with your mind, body, and soul.
"Use your words, Pet," He commanded.
"I trust you, Loki."
He hummed contently and nestled against you ready to fall asleep himself, but you weren't ready quite yet. There was one last thought lingering in your mind that wouldn't let you rest until it was spoken.
"Loki?" You whispered.
"Yes, darling?" His voice had grown deep and groggy now.
"Is... is this what it's like to be taken care of?"
You could hear Loki's heart racing in his chest and you hoped you hadn't said the wrong thing. But he soon calmed your worry when his voice broke the silence.
"Yes, and there is a world more that I can show you if you would allow me that honor." You felt him kiss your hair and smile.
"Please… I-I would like that," You begged, almost desperate. Your whole life you had been unknowingly starving for the way Loki made you feel, and now that you had a taste you were sure you would cease to exist without it.
"Nothing would make me happier. Now darling, close those pretty eyes, and sleep for me."
And you did, knowing that Loki would keep you safe... always.