Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Today Usagi turned eighteen. It had been raining all morning and now, past midday, heavy greyish clouds hung low on the sky.

Ami called at her door. She was wearing a cute, yellow dress and red sweater, shielding herself from the light drizzle under a transparent blue umbrella. She really didn’t mind the rain, if it wasn’t for the contents on the bag perched at her shoulder, she wouldn’t refrain it from touching her skin. She waited patiently until Usagi’s face appeared behind the door, looking surprised to see her standing there.

“Ami!” she greeted, opening the door ajar and making a step back. She motioned for the girl to come inside, “get in! weather’s awful…” Ami nodded and entered the house. She didn’t disagree out loud on it because she understood her likeness for watery days was because her own senshi nature. Not everybody could feel the same longing for it. She muttered a soft thank you while Usagi took her umbrella and put it on the corner to dry off. Ami replaced her shoes for the slippers and waited for Usagi to finish drying the drops.

“You know how Ikuko-mama hates dirty floors…” Ami bit her lip, looking at her. It was obvious that something was off about her friend. It had been that way for months since Chaos' war. They figured that Usagi’s been traumatized enough yet she didn’t want to talk about it with any of her friends. Ami clenched her bag between shaky hands, feeling a spark of hope from thinking about the reasons for her visit.

Neither had Usagi wanted to celebrate her birthday. “…maybe later,” she said a week ago.

When Usagi Tsukino refuses a perfect opportunity to eat cheesecake and strawberry flavored muffin, you know she isn’t really acting on her true self.

“Usagi, I’m sorry to bother you, I wanted to come and say hi even if you said you didn’t want to have a party,” she apologized, as it was also in her nature to feel self-conscious about the decisions regarding others.

Usagi was trying to be her usual cheerfulness when she answered: “Oh, don’t be sorry, I’m glad you’re here and not Mina”. They talked while climbing the stairs. The house was in silence and Ami wondered where everyone was, but didn’t ask for Ikuko-mama nor Shingo. They were reaching Usagi’s bedroom when she added: “she’s too loud”, and Ami had to agree, smiling sheepishly. Although that was an odd thing to hear from her friend, because she knew the two girls were like sisters, as loud as each other could be.

“Wait for me here, I’ll make some tea,” she said, and as Ami entered the room she disappeared downstairs again, her hair floating at her back.

Ami felt an uneasiness sitting at the pitch of her stomach at the view of her friend’s behavior. But as she wouldn’t share with any of them what was eating at her soul, what Ami wanted to do in the meantime was make her feel accompanied.

Ami eased herself at Usagi’s bed and wondered where was Luna, for the cat wasn’t sleeping anywhere nearby. She shrugged it off and took the computer out of her bag. That was what she was carrying so preciously. She ran a hand through its turquoise surface and smiled, content with herself. Just then Usagi reappeared with a tray filled with two steaming mugs and a plate of cookies. She eyed Ami warily, wondering about the toy in her hands, and put the tray in the nightstand to sit beside her.

“What’s that?” she asked, genuinely curios.

Ami smile grew bigger, “it’s a surprise,” her enthusiasm glowing out of her.

Usagi sighed. Let it to Ami to get exited over technology. Usagi wondered if it was a new Sailor V game or maybe they were going to watch a movie, who knew. But if something, her fervor was contagious and Usagi suddenly felt bad for tearing apart from her friends. She really missed the gang: maybe she should make an effort and hang out with them.

“I had been working on this for months,” Ami was babbling, beaming. “it’s a communicator, like the devices on our watches, but it’s meant to cover way longer distances, dialing on specific bands…” her fingers were flying thought the keyboard. Usagi watched her go tap tap tap as in a daze, not understanding what her friend was trying to explain about space radio frequency waves and other weird words.

At some point her friend looked satisfied and stopped tapping. She inspected the screen and nodded to herself. Usagi peeked at it and only saw numbers and letters shining in a black background, and it almost made her sight hurt.

Then Ami looked at her watch and sighed. “We still have to wait another twenty minutes,”sounding a little desolate.

Usagi, who has been filling her tea with sugar cubes (four of them already) raised her head to her friend, big curious eyes and all. “Wait for what?” she inquired.

Ami gave her a mischievous smile. “It’s a surprise,” she repeated, accentuating the character of confidentiality, accepting the mug that Usagi was offering her. She held it between her hands, delighting in the warmest emanating from it.

Usagi handed her the plate of cookies and Ami took one. “Where’s Luna?” she asked, changing the subject.

Usagi looked away, embarrassed. Then shrugged, “She’s sort of on a romantic break with Artemis, I guess it’s time for them to sped up things…”

Ami said a soft “oh,” but didn’t elaborate. Well, Diana wouldn’t happen if they didn’t start somewhere.

The awkward moment was drowned with the sound of raining picking up outside. It really was an outcast day, gloomy as Usagi’s mood, yet she didn’t want to dwell on those feelings right then, and instead felt grateful for Ami’s presence and will to cheer her up with her companionship. She really appreciated that.

Then something seemed to sink in.

“A communicator for what, Ami?” she asked, looking at her fiend with furrowed eyebrows, which made Ami beam up again, the enthusiasm coming back to claim her pretty face. She put a finger on her own lips, playfully smiling behind it and winked an eye at her. “I’m-not-saying,” she sing-sang, “just wait another four minutes,” said, checking on her wristwatch again.

The secrecy was starting to pick at Usagi’s immanent intrigue, for she started nibbing at her fingernail, absently waiting for something to happen.

They sipped at their teas, sharing an easy silence. Ami was enjoining herself. After what seemed an eternity, the computer started to beep-beep. Both girls looked instantly at the screen, Ami almost throwing her empty mug at Usagi, who put theirs both aside in order to get a closer look at the computer.

It read ‘Incoming call from XXX184-T, ACCEPT/DENY’

“Are you ready?” Ami whispered, as if she was sharing a precious secret with her. She crossed her legs and guided the cursor to the “accept” button. She waited for Usagi to nod, whose heart was fluttering with anticipation. Ami finally clicked on it and the thing went totally off for a while. The screen went white.

Had it broken?

When Usagi was about to ask what was happening, because in fact nothing had shown on the screen, it morphed into a face. At first, Usagi didn’t recognized it. She blinked repeatedly, taking in the features until it snapped. Oh.

“Taiki!” she cried, throwing herself at the screen. He was smiling softly in the other side, his features sharp and handsome as she remembered. Usagi examined him closely: Taiki looked just as she remembered, but at the same time she had the feeling that his features had sharpened a bit in these past months. His amethyst eyes were kind and courteous as he waited for Usagi to inch away, for he only could see her big eyes and nose up close.

Someone laughed offscreen, and Usagi’s heart made a summersault.

“Hello, Usagi-san,” he greeted, then, “Ami-chan;” and Usagi saw from the corner of her eyes how flustered her friend got at that simple greeting.

“Hello, Taiki, it’s good to see you again,” her smile was warm and content.

Taiki nodded, and looked again at Usagi, sliding the eyes to the side. “I’m glad to see you, Usagi-san, but I have duty in five minutes so, I better let you with a friend,” he said, eeriest as the day, and shared a look with the person off-screen.

Usagi’s heart was thumping in her ears, because she could figure who it was, and the anticipation was eating at her. “Ami-chan, we’ll talk later” Taiki added and started easing away, “Oh, and…” then came back full screen again for a second, “happy birthday, Usagi-san”

She muttered a thanks, speechless. Usagi couldn’t still believe what she was seeing; then it really happened: Seiya appeared on-screen.

Usagi’s hands flew to her chest. Her big, unblinking eyes fixated in the new face at the other end of the computer. Ami was watching her, smiling softly.

“Hello, bun-head,” she heard, and the voice went straight to ger pumping heart- it was galloping so hard it might break her ribcage. She had not realized how much she’d missed him, until right now. Seeing him again after all those months was unraveling something deep inside.

“Hello Seiya,” Ami answered instead. “And thanks for doing this,” she added.

Seiya nodded, stealing glances to Ami’s left, where Usagi kept her mouth shut.

As the silence stretched awkwardly, he said, “err, bun-head, had I really knocked the words out of you?” he joked, which made Usagi flush, because she realized how weird she was being all of a sudden. Seiya smirked, a smudge expression on his handsome face. “I knew that one day you’ll admit it,” he said and Ami tried not to laugh. Her friend’s reaction was better than she’d expected.

Usagi took in the image before her, examining the known face more closely: then she realized what didn’t cope with the Seiya she held in memory and the one she was actually seeing. Usagi was still thinking of him in male terms, but the person whos they were talking to was definitely a woman. Oh.

She flushed deeper, embarrassed with herself.

“Seiya!” she said, taking off the hands that were covering her mouth, and Ami watched her do something Usagi hadn’t done in so much time: she smiled, authentically happy. “Don’t be so full of yourself, I was just caught off”; not sounding mad but pleased.

Ami heart warmed at the sight, and sighed, relieved. ‘So, there’s still hope…’

“That was the point,” said Seiya and Ami nodded.

Then Seiya looked like she remembered something and put on a serious face. “Odango,” she looked intently at Usagi, “happy birthday” a little pinkness appearing on her cheeks.

She was so cute.

Usagi’s smile grew bigger, “thank you Seiya,” she said.

To Ami, it was like hitting jackpot.

Seiya nodded, scratching the back of her head, looking like she wanted to say something else, but choose not to. Then raised her stare from the screen and directed at the other end, into the room -if it was a room where she was sitting- a different kind of seriousness settling. She looked again at both Usagi and Ami, easing at the sight of the blonde, “anyways, I’m sorry but I have to go, duty’s calling- “

Before she could continue, Usagi interrupted her, “What?! Wait! you can’t go! I still want to talk to you…!”

She had just called, it wasn’t fair!

Something seemed to move in Seiya’s expression, because she smiled softly.

“Usagi! Calm down,” Ami said, “You can call them again,” she added.

Usagi, who has been looking devastated, instantly cheered up, “really?!”. She threw a glance to Seiya, eyes big, a mixture of hopeful and… sadness?

Seiya eyebrows knit together. “bun-head, I'm sorry I really have to go,” she was saying, then her attention focused on Ami, as if a better thought had occured to her, “Ami-chan, could you talk with Taiki latter and arrange a date so I can talk longer with bun-head?” she asked.

Usagi looked to Ami with eyes full of eagerness. Ami was nodding to both of them, “of course” she shrugged.

“Ne, bun-head,” Seiya said, catching Usagi’s attention again. “don’t make that ugly face, we’ll see each other again pretty soon,” she winked, and then inched closer to the screen. “So please keep smiling,” she whispered.

Ami flushed and Usagi feverishly nodded.

“I missed you Seiya,” she confessed. Seiya blinked, then smiled, “me too, bun-head.”

A sound made interference with the call. The image froze for an instant and when it came again to live Seiya was saying something in a foreign language to someone off-screen, face contorted into annoyance.

She had to go.

“I have to cut the call, sorry,” she said, “goodbye bun-head, Ami chan”, smiling softly.

Ami said a ‘see you later’ and Usagi could barely mutter a ‘bye’. Seiya motioned to end the call by hovering a hand atop something on the side of the screen but stopped for a second to steal a glance to Usagi, focusing on her face as if she were trying to read something there, and finally pressed a buttom which made the image go off.

Usagi’s was ecstatic. Her big eyes filled with gratitude as she looked at the way Ami put the computer inside her bag again. She smiled back at her.

“Ne, Ami, please, let me talk to her again,” she pleaded, hands entwined before her chest.

“Usagi, don’t worry that much, I’ll talk to Taiki later and we’d do as Seiya asked, okay?” Ami tried to comfort her.

Something started nibbing at the back of Ami’s head.

Usagi nodded, eyes not leaving the computer in Ami’s hands, chewing at her lips as the gears inside her mind started running wildly. Ami considered her long and serious, the weirdest of the feelings settling inside her stomach.

Maybe she had opened a pandora box.

Chapter Text

“There,” said Ami handing to Usagi a steaming mug filled with hot chocolate and pastries that Mako had brought her the night before. Usagi blinked with wide eyes, openly smiling.

“This looks yummy!” she chirped in.

Ami smiled back, delighted with her friend’s response -slowly she was becoming more like herself and that was something for which everyone was grateful, even if she was making baby steps. She looked at the wall-watch and again to Usagi.

“The calling should be connecting in ten minutes,” she informed her, Usagi’s big eyes perched on the turquoise-colored computer at the desk. She was sitting in Ami’s room, Monday afternoon, waiting for Seiya to finally call her. It had been a wait of an entire week until they could schedule an appropriate hour for both of them.

She chewed at her lip, absently swirling the liquid cocoa. Usagi nodded, her mind lost in thoughts of the many things that she wanted to ask Seiya.

“Okay, I’ll be in the other room,” Ami nodded more to herself -she really didn’t mind giving Usagi some privacy, for she was invested in a new project right at the moment.

“Thank you, Ami,” Usagi answered, and then she was left alone, the door whispering as it closed behind Ami’s back.

Ami had said they could talk alone, and Usagi was immensely grateful Not that she would say something her friend shouldn’t know, but she felt as if she needed this moment for herself -for themselves. How many times had she wondered how the Starlight’s were? How many times had she tried to imagine what Maker, Healer and Fighter were doing to rebuild their planet? How many times she found herself raising the radio’s volume after catching the Three Light’s voices, wondering if maybe they had stopped singing at all?

How many times had she regretted the inconspicuous farewell to Seiya? How many times had she replayed the moment they talked about still being friends and wished she could have at least given him- her a hug? Had she really refrained from physically show some affection to her? Why was so easy to hug Ami, even Rei or Taiki, for that matter, but hadn’t been able to touch Seiya?

The only time they had touched her heart had ricocheted uncontrollably high.

 She took a sip of the hot chocolate, lost in thought. The computer finally beeped.

“Incoming call from XXX184-T, ACCEPT/ deny”, it read.

Anxious, Usagi clicked in the accept option and just like the first time, the screen went white and mute for an entire minute.

The view which appeared after it made her eyes grow wide.

Seiya was cut out from a background covered in flowers: as long as Usagi’s eye could see, a garden stretched out into the horizon, a milliard of colorful flowers splattered everywhere. To her left there was a cobbled wall as high as she could take in, sporadically peeking from under bushy creepers with poppies-like flowers. Usagi had seen pictures of the Toscana streets in a fashion magazine in Mina’s bedroom and that view remembered her of those dreamy, narrow cobbled alleys.

She gasped with the emotion of seeing it, which made Seiya laugh lightly.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” leaning to the side, Seiya allowed her to have a better view of it. Knowing her, Usagi guessed she had chosen it intentionally. “Hello, bun-head.”

Usagi looked back at her and smiled, nodding feverishly. “That’s something I hadn’t seen before in my life,” she answered, still pecking at the flowers above Seiya’s shoulder.

The woman smirked. “Why, thank you, I know I can be some sight,” and winged her eyebrows comically. Always an easy ice-breaker.

Usagi snorted and took a sip of her chocolate, avoiding her gaze. “Jack-ass!” she said, lenient. Lifting the head to look at her interlocutor again she found that Seiya’s eyes fixated on something in her face which made her burst out laughter.

“What?!” Usagi asked, eyes big.

“Sorry Odango,” Seiya was authentically lost “but, haha, I like your moustache,” finally huffed.

Usagi’s whole head became as red as the poppies behind Seiya’s shoulder -she squealed and cleaned her mouth in a swift movement, using a napkin, embarrassed. Then she sighed, defeated. “Hello to you too, Seiya,” and put the napkin aside.

Once Seiya stopped making fun of her, Usagi was capable of looking up again. She took her time to study her. There was a particular softness set in the feminine face of Seiya: her nose didn’t look as sharp, her jaw was also less angular -her chin had a new roundness at the edges, the shape of her almond eyes framed with jet black lashes. She looked pretty.

But also, she noticed that Seiya was sitting in a sort of a balcony, body slightly hunching forwards and slit bags of tiredness. The light in the sky was almost white, and she wondered if that was any indication of the moment of the day they were in.

“How are you doing? What time is it there?” she asked, curiosity picking at her features.

Seiya smiled, “I’m fine, just tired. I had night patrol and now is mmmmh, maybe six a.m.? To put it in a way you could understand the time-differences,” she shrugged. They didn’t really have the same number of hours in a day, but she figured that this was as close as they could would be.

Usagi’s mouth flew open. She couldn’t believe it was that early in the morning and that Seiya still had the energy for making a call to her after a night of duties. She somewhat felt embarrassed again.

“I’m sorry,” she expressed, “you must want to go to bed.”

Seiya denied, “no problem, odango, I made a promise to you,” she said, winking a bit. Usagi had forgotten how man times she actually used to do that. She asked unaware of Usagi’s scrutiny “ne bun-head, how are you? Last time we talked, you looked a bit… off,” but her tone suggested that she really wanted to word it differently.

Usagi’s shoulder hunched down imperceptibly. “I’m okay, just been feeling a bit overwhelmed the past months,” she answered. “But, let’s not talk about it! Tell me, how’s Kinmoku doing?” she chirped in, authentically wanting to know about the planet.

Seiya blinked, then frowned a bit.

“We’re still working hard on the rebuild. It’s taking some time, but you’ll see, Kakyuu needs to refill her power every time she uses it to restore a town or a city,” she explained. Usagi was looking as if she had grown another head.

Using her power -her senshi power? Raise an entire city on her own?

Seiya laughed, guessing her thoughts again. “Wait, did you thought we’d build everything by hand? That would take centuries…” but the humor was palpable in her tone.

In fact, yes, Usagi wanted to confess.

It hadn’t occurred to her how improbable it was that they spent their days going everyplace to work in the rebuilding by hand, one brick at a time. And Kakyuu was a Princess, also a senshi, it was logical to think that she could muster enough power to fix the broken shreds with magic.

Oh, wishful thinking, Usagi.

“That’s makes sense,” she admitted, a finger touching her lips pensively. Seiya waited for another question, but none came.

There was one question she wanted to phrase. “Ne, bun-head, are you alright? It’s that boyfriend of being good to you?”

Flashes of all of them, standing at the school’s rooftop at twilight came to Usagi’s mind: Seiya who wouldn’t hold back from exposing his feelings before a crowd of people. Please don’t do it in front of Mamo-chan. He only blushed at the thought that Usagi hadn’t grasped the meaning of his confession (but not because he felt ashamed, Seiya didn’t have any decency) -and then asking Mamo-chan to take care of her, something in the surface of his eyes that seemed to say if I come to know you’re not, I won’t let it pass on you.

Usagi choose to shrug, “He’s sort of… busy” was everything she said.

Seiya blinked, “like… in school or something?”

Biting at her bottom lip, Usagi nodded, evading her stare. “Sor of…” said again.

It was a dangerous topic. Whenever Usagi started mussing monosyllables or repeating herself, it never meant anything good. She touched the mug abandoned at her side and discovered that it had already cooled. Usagi saw from the corner of her eye how Seiya tried to catch her attention by moving closer, and before she could press on it, she cut her off.

Frowning, she accused: “why hadn’t you called before?”.

Seiya blinked again.

She had forgotten how easily Usagi could change subjects and go from A to Z in a matter of seconds, without a common thread between them. Seiya’s head felt a bit dizzy when she responded, “didn’t Ami told you?” waiting for a reaction

When Usagi only stared back at her with big, confused eyes, she elaborated, “she’d been in touch with Taiki from the very beginning,” and put a finger on her chin, as if she were thoughtfully thinking about it. “Taiki was able to hand her some notes before we left, so Ami could build a communicator based on her investigations. I think Ami achieved it in like, two weeks.

“They had been talking since then.

It was Usagi’s turn to feel confused.

“Do you think that they have a thing?” she asked, feeling a new kind of enthusiasm building up.

Seiya smirked, and inched closer to whisper into the mic.

“I believe so, but they won’t admit it,” with complicity.

“Those two!” Usagi laughed. She felt really happy for Ami, if that was the case -putting a hand on her mouth she wriggled her eyebrows in an insinuating manner. It made she realize how easy was for them -she and Seiya, to still gossip around even being a thousand lightyears away. It made her chest bubble.

Usagi came back to her original question, “but that doesn’t say anything about you not talking to me.”

It was weird how Seiya had to look away, chewing at the insides of her checks and putting on an embarrassed expression. She pretended to brush an imaginary fluff of her sleeve.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk to me,” she confessed. “You hadn’t asked about us, or me for that matter; or else Ami would have mentioned it to Taiki…”

In the simplicity of these words laid a profound statement -you forgot about me.

“Don’t worry, I understand! You must have a lot of things going on…” Seiya tried to cheer her up by smiling happily. Usagi perched on that smile and tried to put on a better expression.

“I’m glad that we’re talking now,” she yawned, and stirred her arms above the head so her back could stretch. That reminded Usagi of the bags under her eyes and the ashen in her skin. Seiya must be feeling exhausted.

“Ne, Seiya, when can we talk again, without you being so tired?

Seiya made a pensative noise and closed her eyes for a moment. A breeze ran thought her short bangs, mussing it, and made her long tail fly at her back. The flowers around her moved too, and it looked like a painting on a magazine’s cover.

“I think we can talk next Sunday, at your noon. I’ll have the day off,” she said, smiling softly. Her eyelids heavy on her pupils. Usagi nodded satisfied.

“Okay! Then it’s a date!” she instantly regretted saying it like that, and her hand flew to her mouth. She went red hearing Seiya laugh again at her.

“Never thought you’d said that, bun-head,” she winked playfully, a smile meant to be provocative dancing in her full lips.

“You know what I meant!”

Seiya continued laughing.

“Goodbye Seiya, have a good rest;” Usagi opted for ignoring the course of the conversation, and mumbled the words with a pout. Seiya’s expression changed again, into a more serious one. She nodded.

“Thank you, bun-head. Take care until we talk again.”

Usagi agreed, heart swell. “You too, Seiya.”

In the same way she had done the first time they said their farewells, Seiya made a reach for something at the side of the screen (a button?) to end the call, but stopped in the last moment, glaring to Usagi and steadying her intent stare on her as if she wanted to say something else but choose not to, still unable to go.

Usagi counted fifteen heartbeats before Seiya actually finished the call.

After seeing that last look on Seiya’s eyes, Usagi had the impression that something was crawling between the line that wasn’t only the long space radio frequencies.

She chewed at her lips as she padded to Ami’s work little study, and when she knocked the voice came saying, “come in, Usagi,” so she did.

Ami was bending over something in her desk, glasses on and a full-on-concentration look in her face. Usagi got closer, curiously trying to look at what was she doing.

Ami stared up, broadly smiling, as if she had discovered something utterly incredible. Usagi blinked.

“It’s done!” she said, revealing a tiny device in her hands. It was a computer just like hers, only a bit litter than the turquoise one, in shades of pink and oranges.

Usagi looked long at it, not really understanding.

“I built you a communicator, so you don’t have to depend on me to call Seiya,” then she shook her hands defensively, “not that I complain about it, but I might not be always free,” she explained.

Before Ami could elaborate on the reasonings behind it, so Usagi wouldn’t think she wasn’t glad of helping her or having her around at home, Usagi threw herself at her petite friend and hugged her tightly.

“You’re the best, Ami!”

Afterwards, feeling lighthearted and going home with the little device carefully tucked in her bag, Usagi hummed to herself, trying to remind all the things Ami told about how to use it. She’d also assured her she’d have Taiki inform Seiya about the new dialing lines or something. The thing was, the starlight would be able to call Usagi directly. That made her heart swell.

And like that, just before she finished putting on her slippers at home, a thought stretched like a drop of ink falling into a pool of water.

Maybe she hadn’t wanted to touch Seiya ever again after that day at the park because if she did, the feelings awakening within her might be too scary to face.

Chapter Text

The radio was on.

“…and there it goes, an oldie! Everybody… and now it hits seven o’clock on the west side…” the announcer’s voice startled Usagi, who’s been mildly hearing the young man’s patter between pop songs and the weak concentration she was trying to get herself immersed in. When she caught the comment about the time she threw a perplexed look at the device, as if it had spitted at her shoes. 

It’s seven o’clock, you have a call with Seiya, her mind provided uselessly.

Seiya. Her eyes darted from the computer – the screen all black– and the notepad she’d been scribbling from hours on end. Her heart’s rate picked up at the thought of finally facing the Starlight. Not that the woman knew anything about her internal musings, but Usagi wanted to run and hide under her bed instead of face her that day. And at the same time, she wanted to tell her.

Two nights prior, something had slipped in her mind itching itself in red thread while she was preparing herself some ramen for dinner thinking, as usual, about Seiya and everything she wanted to talk with her, and all she wanted to ask about her life back home. Maybe the something was a logical conclusion to her thoughts – from the beginning, she’d been having this uneasy feeling as if Usagi was facing the other way and someone kept tapping at her shoulder and were saying watch, you have to consider this truth and face it, tap tap.

That other night, the memory of Seiya inching closer to kiss her in the cheek appeared in full force. The knowledge that if she had let her, they would have kissed. But it wasn’t totally about the kiss itself, but about everything that it held.

Seiya protectively embracing her to his chest so she wouldn’t be afraid. Usagi protecting Seiya –Sailor Moon standing in front of the idol. Them trying to see each other’s in spite of all the obstacles. The protectiveness of Fighter. Her fierce company. The baseball game. The fake date at the park. Nagareboshi he – I hope you can hear my voice.

With the something swirling uncontrollably in her mindset, she put herself on the task of writing down a… a what? A letter? A speech? She kept writing and crossing the words down, unsatisfied.

Beep, beep.

/Incoming call FROM/ SEIYA/ accept – deny/

Jumping in her seat she stared at the words in the screen not fully understanding the message. Then she felt silly and tried to compose herself, squaring up her shoulders. Taking a deep breath, she waited until the fifth beep to press the “ACCEPT CALL” button.

The screen went all white for a long moment, as usual. While she waited, Usagi caught the lasts strophes of a catchy song in the radio, and wished she had turned it off before the call.

Seiya appeared, the usual delicacy of her features contrasting with the boldness of her toned muscles. She was already smiling, cut out from a less magnificent background than last time. All Usagi could see behind her were long crystal walls and white curtains falling into orange-red tiles of the floor. Usagi’s heart picked on like a horse out of control, her hand clenched tight around her favorite pen – the tip had cute bunny ears, the body made of a pretty shade of pink.

They said at the same time:

“Hello, bunhea…

“I’M SORRY I DIDN’T KISS YOU BACK!”

Crap. That didn’t go as planned. Seiya was taken aback at the moment she heard Usagi’s yell, but when the words made sense, her body got stiff and her mouth snapped shut into a thin line. Then her face turned a shade of pink just as pretty as Usagi’s pen and her eyes stared wide and unblinking at the screen.

If Usagi could just disappear she’d been grateful with the universe. She covered her mouth, feeling her face burn.

Someone started laughing off-screen.

“Oh my goddess!

Yaten’s face appeared in the view, eclipsing Seiya, who remained still as a mannequin. Yaten was in her sailor fuku and was so painfully enjoying the moment. “Well, Usagi, I just wanted to stop by and say hi, but maybe you two need to be alone,” she bit back a laugh wigging her eyebrows.

Usagi, mortified, just started denying with her head.

“That wasn’t…”

“Tsk, Tsk, Tsk” – interrupted Healer. “Don’t worry, we’ll catch up later,” then she blinked at Usagi, a smug smile still perched on her pretty coral lips, and went off screen. The sound of her stilettos set the pace of Usagi’s sentence. Until they couldn’t be heard anymore.

Finally alone, they held the silence and their breaths without making eye contact for a long moment. Then, after deciding that they couldn’t waste the call without talking, Seiya took a breath and directed her gaze to the screen again. Even millions of lightyears away, she pierced Usagi’s soul with them.

“Do you want to tell me what was that about?” she asked, the cheeks less reddish.

Usagi denied, then hit her head in the table dramatically.

“Ne! bunhead, it’s totally fine! I mean, I’d know you’d regret not kissing me someday!” Seiya tried a voice that mean she was joking, just because she didn’t like seeing Usagi that flustered, and also she was worried the girl might get hurt. 

Usagi mumbled incoherently –, her head moving to the sides in a ‘no’ sign – Seiya had the urgency to pat her odangos but knew she couldn’t just reach across the screen.

“I can’t hear you,” she said, waiting for Usagi to repeat herself. She didn’t. “C’mon, bunhead, I wish I could be there and poke your side until you talk to me again, but everything I can do from here is… talk,” shrugging she watched Usagi finally lift her head after a moment of hesitation. She hoped she hadn’t sounded as desperate as she felt, but surely Usagi had picked the defeating tone in her voice.

Usagi’s eyes were half lidden, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth. At least she wasn’t as red. Seiya had come as close at the screen as she could without zooming too much, a concerned expression in her face. Usagi dared to look up and felt relieved –Seiya didn’t look as if she’d make fun of her.

She touched her notepad trying to ground the thoughts already swirling like a tornado. She felt as if the words she’d written had betrayed her, somehow. The line ‘there’s something I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart’ gave her a look of mockery back. Usagi still felt warm in the face, and her heart kept running, but it wasn’t as bad.

She started again, “that wasn’t what I wanted to say,” Seiya nodded, and smiled encouragingly. “What I really wanted to say was that I’m sorry,” and she put her forehead in her hand, which was propped up in the table. Seiya waited, hoping that Usagi would elaborate, but then again, she shut herself down.

Lost in the tracks yet again, Seiya had this dazzling sensation that Usagi was jumping from one side to the other like a rabbit. It made her felt light-headed, something starting to bubble in her chest.

“I don’t even know what you could be sorry for,” she admitted at last, shrugging it off –not the words, but her feelings.

Usagi nodded, still supporting her head to stop herself from hitting the table again. She collected enough will to lift her face just a bit so she could stare at Seiya from under her shading eyelashes. Her bangs were muffled and all out of place.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t acknowledge your feelings back then and that I made you feel miserable with my behavior,” she clarified.

/…I can’t look back, I’ll turn to dust/ baby I wish that I could have it all/ but I don’t, it’s just too much…/

The radio kept shooting messages at her, the words barely catching at Usagi’s ears, but nevertheless she was grateful for the music because it served to fill the uncomfortable moment that followed her confession.

She saw the confusion se in Seiya’s face soon enough. She also watched her blink, as if clearing the dust on her mind, and even her mouth opened once but finally was shut. Usagi straightened in her place, waiting for her words to sink in the starlight –it’s okay, it was hard for me too. Usagi felt her body easing without the tension, her gaze falling to the table, to the edges of the computer and even to her fingernails, suddenly unable to look at the woman in the other side of the galaxy.

“Okay,” Usagi almost missed the low whisper under the music in the background. Curious, she picked up her head expecting that Seiya might be looking at her with sorrow, or even with anger, but it wasn’t the case. Seiya was surprisingly smiling softly, her eyes sparkling with an unnamed something. “Thank you, odango, it really means a lot,” said when she had Usagi’s attention.

THUMP, THUMP.

Why wouldn’t her heart just shut it?

Seiya made a short denying movement with her head, tracing her fingers in her short bangs. She looked for a second to her lap and laughed briefly. “But in all honestly you didn’t make me feel miserable, like, ever” Usagi blinked, and tried to interrupt her by saying that she knew, she wasn’t a fool, but Seiya gave her a pointy look to stop her, “in fact those moments spent at your side on Earth are the ones I cherish the most, even now, and I´m not talking about the battles we fought together or the comrade between Fighter and Sailor Moon; but the school, and the fun, and that baseball game” she huffed out a laugh” – you know what I mean…”

Usagi did knew.

She exhaled and her chest pained a lot less.

“Well, I’m glad I could say this to you,” and she truly was. The something had been a rock crushing down her ribcages. And now it had been freed.

Seiya nodded, still smiling. She watched Usagi’s eyes dance.

“So, where are we now?” her pretty voice chirped in, like she was a bird who’d had remembered that could sing.

Seiya smile openly grew, happy that they could make a step out that bittersweet alley. She made a flourished movement with her hand as if Usagi could take on her surroundings. The perks of not being physically in the same place.  “We are now at the Great Hall,” she said, and inched closer, confidentially, “here’s the throne, wanna have a peek at it?” she asked.

Usagi’s interest was caught like a moth to a flame. Her eyes grew impossibly wide and Seiya felt as if she was looking into clean pools of sky water. Usagi inched in, so close to the screen that all what was left of her bun-head was a nose and an eye. Seiya smiled fondly.

“Yay! I want to see it!” she cried with enthusiasm.

Seiya bit a laugh, disappearing when she took the screen and made it turn around. The room rotated uncompressible at Usagi’s star until it stopped seconds after. She caught the crystal walls -windows to an outside that appeared like a jungle from the distance, and Usagi had the invading thought of Crystal Tokyo. She tossed it away as her eyes took into the orange-red tiles extending in all the glory of the saloon, taking in the incredible effect that the sunlight had on them –the floor looked like fire, like lava moving under the rays of a blinding sun.

And at the far end, there was a majestic throne that grew from a scaffold. The shape resembled a creeper with flowers and leaf climbing to the sky itself. Behind it a pair of violet curtains cascaded atop the enormous window walls.

Usagi was looking in awe at the beautiful sight.

Seiya moved onscreen again, the throne cutting behind her jet-black hair.

Without thinking, Usagi asked:

“Is Kakyuu hime around?” suddenly realizing how much she wanted to see the beautiful princess sitting at her throne. The mental image of the picture-perfect leader and her watchful eyes into her people, looking at them with both kindness and unmatched knowledge invaded her mind.

Seiya said no with her head, “She’s rather busy lately. But Kakyuu-hime left her greetings to Serenity-hime,” she finished in a lighthearted tone, waiting for Usagi to join in the joke.

Usagi didn’t laugh.

“I wish she didn’t call me that,” she said instead. Seiya was about to ask on it, but Usagi was faster, “anyways, tell her I say hi, please, and that her throne is beautiful,” really meaning it.

Seiya nodded, adding that strange response to the list she was mentally doing.

But for now, she didn’t want to push these things. “So, bun-head, how had been your week without me?” the cheeky smile on place.

Usagi huffed comically, “Oh, it’s been awful! I couldn’t find a moment to relax from homework! I hate uni…”

Seiya listened to the Moon warrior complain all the civilian problems she had, smiling content and nodding every time Usagi ended a sentence with a “you know, right?” but the truth was that she didn’t know. Life for Seiya had been a really short one –mostly on Earth– in fact, all her time was spent as Fighter between duty and missions and so on. But Usagi didn’t need to worry herself about such matters. Usagi parroted about her homework and the rain and the horrible moment she had in the kitchen trying to cook some teriyaki. Seiya’s mouth watered at the memory of how it tasted and regrated the lack of some ingredients on Kinmoku. Sadly, she hadn’t tasted anything such as spicey as Terran’s cuisine again. But, oh well. She felt triumphant that Usagi was finally talking freely, without sounding as sad or embarrassed as before.

The fact that if nothing, Seiya was capable of making Usagi forget for even a couple of hours about whatever that was eating at her soul– her brilliant, beautiful soul– made her heart swell.

Even if Usagi wasn’t ready to talk about it, even if she ever was.

The only thing she wished was for Usagi to be happy.

When they were ready to end the call, Seiya didn’t expect Usagi to stop her at the last moment.

“Wait, Seiya!” she prompted, her tone urgent. Seiya’s hand stopped before she could reach the button to call it off. She waited with a questioning look on her face. It was hard enough to built the strength to say goodbye.

Usagi took her time to armor herself in enough valor to say whatever she had in mind, but she finally breathed in, “I wanted you to know that those memories are precious to me too,” she said simply.

Seiya thoughtfully watched at Usagi’s face, a thin smile pulling at the edges of her full lips, and smiled at last.

“I know,” was her answer.

The call ended.

Usagi was left alone again with the radio – which was throwing some silly love song. She didn’t hear it, all she could hear was her heart thumping so hard that she feared it’d break her chest and fly away –to where, she didn’t want her heart to say it. 

Chapter Text

IV

The aftermaths of war with Chaos were a dull memory.

Usagi recalled life turning something totally different to what she expected. At first, she hoped that everything would just pick up from where it had been paused before-that maybe she could still spend her noon reading manga, playing videogames or chilling with her friends forever on, without having to worry about enemies.  It turned out that to be more complicated than that.

Usagi, in the end, didn’t really knew what she has been doing anymore. Graduating from high-school had been required, and surprisingly the final year passed in a blur. Events prior to spring break still lingered in the air, and suddenly the classes became quieter, simpler.

Then, entering the Jubaan’s district University had been the natural next step, the adequate thing to do. Her family had been horrified, to say the least: Shingo had raised an eyebrow and stepped out of the kitchen, not saying a word; her mother had sucked in a breath and had stared with wide eyes, her father the most sad-looking of all three. Usagi had felt like she had confessed to them that she had a hidden identity, because they couldn’t pass through the stupor.

Ikuko-mama had been the more skeptical of all of them, but slowly they seemed to get out of their astonishment and tried very hesitantly to be supportive for their daughter.

But what else could she do? Her dearest friends were in their paths to fulfill their life-choices, all of them so confident about their dreams she really felt envious of the bright futures. Then she decided to trace a plan out in her head, so every time she started to think it was hard to accomplish anything, she’ll think about the steps like a mantra.

Go to Uni. Graduate in a Mayor. Marry Mamoru. Wait for Crystal Tokyo.

Go to Uni. Graduate…

Usagi applied a simple rule to her life -when in doubt, remember your plan. When things started to feel heavier at the edges, she whispered to herself, marry Mamoru… wait for Crystal…, and sometimes the fear cooled down.

Sometimes, it didn’t.

Because between worrying about essays and attending classes which were absurd (in her opinion) and Mamo-chan being so put together, so compelled and calm about everything, life became to stagger. It happened like a sea wave -first a gentle shaking on the naked feet, then, she found herself drowned by it on a cold morning.

Usagi started having panic attacks -the first time she hadn’t been able to breath properly, feeling like a fish out of the water, drowning on air, her lungs burnt with the heavy and quick huff of breaths which seemed to not work at all. Her heart raced against her ribcage like it were about to break out, and she couldn’t think. She put her mantra in front of her mind and tried to repeat:

Go to Uni. Graduate in a Mayor. Marry Mamoru. Wait for Crystal Tokyo. GotoUniGraduateinaMayorMarryMamoruWaitforCrystalTokyo.

And somewhere in the middle it worked thus Usagi recovered her own self and life went on for a while. But she was left being afraid of talking about these episodes with anyone, so she started to dig into loneliness, excusing herself of being too busy with programs and exams, you know how hard it is for me to concentrate, and it somehow convinced everyone to be pushed away, very subtly and slowly.

And Mamo-chan was the least one to notice the odd behaviors. She didn’t blame him for his obliviousness. Usagi thought that he didn’t really need to worry about her problems, after all, he was about to graduate of Med School -which he’d opted for finishing there in Japan instead of returning to America, a fact that had made her happy at first, thinking that this way they’d finally go to see each other frequently, out of the boundaries of being too still too young.

But real life got in the middle. It turned out to be just as the first time around -Mamo-chan spent the majority of his time either in classes or in residence, either preparing for finals, or working on guards, so, suddenly, he wouldn’t be there for Usagi’s birthday lunch, to hang out for their anniversary, or having to excuse himself from dinner with her family.

What he did notice about Usagi was the things he wanted to see on her -a mature, collected woman who was working for her future, a full growth lady who’ll soon enough will become a real Queen.

But she wasn’t.

Usagi had to pretend from then on, she had to keep going, because at the end of the tunnel there was a promised fairytale land waiting for her. Hadn’t it been what she was really chasing after? No the uni, not the marriage, not the part about being a woman but becoming the White Queen on the perfect telltale?

Someday, she knew she’ll woke up and put in her crystal shoes to walk down into a beaming crow of people who will be waiting to hear what she’d might have to say, and she wouldn’t have to doubt because she’ll knew it, she’ll knew the exact thing to tell them to keep their love…

“Hey… hey! Odango, take it easy,”

Usagi gasped, out of air, then she noticed her fingers pressed against the cold table, whites by the force of the clutching. She felt her eyes open but she hadn’t been seeing the computer in front of her while she spoke. She heard Seiya’s worried voice come through the speakers and finally lifted the head to her and saw the concern in her eyes. Seiya had launched herself forward the screen as if she could trespass it, her lips pursed in a line of disappointment.

“Breath in,” she commanded, and Usagi followed suit. “Breath out,” Seiya said, relieved to watch her do as was told.

Several moments after Usagi was able to compose herself a bit. She traced her bangs with one hand, putting a rebel lock behind the ear. She kept breathing steadily until she felt encouraged enough to look up at her friend, but the embarrassment didn’t disappear.

“I can’t believe it!” a thud, and Usagi was startled with the sudden angriness in Seiya’s voice. She also hit the table with her fist.

Usagi was fast to reply. “I didn’t want to upset you, I told you that I’m okay,” she sobbed the back of her neck, and tried to put on a smile.

Seiya shoot her a disbelieved look, widen eyes. “What?” she asked, confused. Then, “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at him! And everyone else around you… how can’t they notice you’re having a hard time? Even I was able to note it the first time I saw you again and…”

She closed her mouth. Usagi waited for her to keep ranting on, but surprisingly the starlight chose to remain silent, taking her gaze out of the screen. She saw her chew at the inside of her cheeks. Seiya’s hand was still clenched.

“Okay, you’re not mad,” Usagi said, “I got it, you’re worried, but don’t, please, I’ll be okay.” She started to worry about Seiya then, because she wouldn’t be left out like it was nothing. Seiya pecked at her by the corner of her azure gaze.

“Odango…” her low tone of voice came in a whisper, and Usagi had to concentrate to hear her properly, but Seiya seemed to have changed her mind, because she stopped whatever she was about to say.

Usagi wondered if the call would be like this until the end: with awkward silences. Then, something seemed to lit up Seiya’s features. “I know what you have to do,” she said, chewing at her full bottom lip. Usagi perked up, curious about the change of spirits.

“What are you talking about?”

“Come to Kinmoku,” Seiya said it like it was an epiphany, as if that declaration was the sunray Usagi needed in her life. “Yeah, come here, take a little break, do something for yourself.” Come visit me…

Usagi pondered it, feeling the thumping of her heart accelerate as she thought about the possibilities, then a smile started to creep upon her face.

“How do I do it?” she asked simply.

It turned out that Ami did knew how they might travel to Kinmoku. The girl was abashed when Usagi appeared in her doorframe, but it wasn’t exactly a surprise. Seiya informed her that she and Taiki  would make the necessary arrangements for their visit, and that Taiki would communicate with Ami soon to discuss the details.

So somewhere in the middle of their last call and the end of the month, with Autumn slowly receding in the brilliant reddish colors of the threes’ leaves, Usagi received a message from Ami to come have tea at her place.

“Come in,” she said, welcoming Usagi inside. They walked to Ami’s kitchen and sat at the countertop with no pep talk.

“Taiki told me that there’s an open invitation for us in Kinmoku,” she started pouring the hot water in the coups. “We have discussed it in the past, and she already shared with me the route to their lunar system.” Usagi was listening to her the way she used to listen to the lectures in class, middly paying attention to the specificities and middly daydreaming, but she tried to do her best.

“We can’t travel in light-speed like they do, because they’re starlights and we don’t, so it’ll take some more time to get there.

Usagi nodded. “We can reach Kinmoku in a weeks’ lapse of time. Of course, in space, that is a longer…

Somehow, Usagi understood what Ami was saying. “Okay, I’m up to it. I don’t care.”

Ami looked at her intently, with that deepness in her stare that made Usagi feel like she was being analyzed, or diagnosed.

“But I want to know what is really happening,” Ami stated. Usagi’s eyes went wide, so her friend mistook it as a reprimand gesture and she turned a bit red. Ami looked down at the steamy cup between her hands, “I mean, Taiki told me that Seiya was pretty worried about you, about some things you told her, but she didn’t know the details, and that maybe, you could use a friend here…

Ami found the courage to look up once more. “I know from awhile that things had been hard for you, and I don’t want to be pushy, but if something is wrong, I want to help you,” she said, and Usagi found herself at the verges of tears.

Her mind lit up in red lights, and as per usual, her first response was to use the stress of classes to justify her swing moods, but facts were that if Usagi wanted Ami to really trust in her, if she wanted Ami to accompany her in this adventure, she ought to be sincere. So, she took a deep breath -a sip of the delicious tea, and started to tell her everything she had already told Seiya.

It wasn’t easy but, Ami was right -she could use a friend.

Talking after opening her heart up was a lot easier. Usagi even managed to feel lighthearted and with a bubbling good mood growing inside as they planned the details for their trip to Kinmoku. She was still elated, thrilled about the prospect of truly going to the fire-planet, and meeting their people, and seeing Kakyuu again, and Yaten and Taiki, and Seiya too.

Specially Seiya, who’d been the main reason she was feeling encouraged again.

“We still have to face a problem,” Ami paused her scribbling, pushing the notepad a little in the side. Usagi had been doodling in her own sheet, and looked up from a bunny head with a star in the middle of their forehead. “We have to tell the others, or else they won’t let us go as far as getting out of orbit.”

Usagi blinked, then nodded in agreement, in fact thinking about the questions that might raise upon it. Ami was openly watching Usagi ponder the possibilities in silence.

“What are the odds?” Usagi asked, chewing at her lips. Ami shrugged, not really concerned.

“I don’t think they could deny you anything, maybe Haruka and Michiru might get picky at it, and maybe Mamoru might want to accompany you, but…” she denied, “you do are a growth woman and you can totally decide for yourself.”

Usagi held her doubts, but Ami wasn’t finished. “In fact, if you order them not to get in the way, they can’t do anything.

Usagi’s eyes opened up wide in horror. Making it an order? Ami should have read it all in her face because she turned a furious red. “You are the stronger of us, our rightful leader. Opportunely you’d got to give us orders, and we’ll have to comply, as easy as that. I’m not telling you to be a tyrant, just to not let them step into your boundaries…it’s all.

It hurt to hear. Usagi was never one to feel comfortable in the leader’s role. The main reason for Venus to be in charge at the battlefield was that Moon felt too awkward asking for people to do things on her behalf. That was why Uranus took the torch if needed, because she acted, didn’t ask, just moved forward and succeeded. But Moon preferred the rear until things were too heavy for her friends to face alone, until the weight of their lives weighed in her shoulders.

“If you don’t want to face them, just send a message,” Ami told at last. Usagi considered it, and then nodded.

Mamo-chan was in the couch when she got home that afternoon. He looked as good as always -cool and cold where more likely the words that fitted him better. Usagi was momentary taken aback with the presence of him in the middle of her living room, but then relaxed, because she could smell the scent of dinner coming from the kitchen, and smiled a bit.

“Hello there,” she said, and Mamo-chan looked up from his notebook. His glasses had slipped down his nose and he adjusted them as a smile formed in his mouth.

“Hello Usako, it’s been a while,” he said, and motioned for her to sit with him. Indeed, it had been a long while -almost four months in a row without seeing each other. She was putting on her slippers, her coat already in the hook, worrying about the fact that there was a travel bag waiting to be filled in her bedroom. “I’m cooking tonight,” he said, unaware of her musings.

Usagi nodded absently, knowing that Mamoru’s attention was already miles away, staring at the screen before him. She reached the living area and stood in front of the couch. The shadow projected by her figure fell above Mamoru, whom took his time to notice it, but finally lifted the gaze up to her.

“Usako? It is something the matter?” he asked, letting the netbook at one side.

Usagi first denied, as she usually did when confronted. Then, chewing at her lip, she nodded. Thinking better, she decided to take a seat besides Mamo-chan, not touching him but close enough as to feel the warmest of his body, finding comfort in doing so.

“Yeah, I want to tell you something important,” she started. Mamo-chan turned to face her, his full attention on the petite girl. She could watch his brain working and making conclusions. “I’ll go to Kinmoku,” and she made a point on making it sound like a fact, “Seiya invited me and Ami, and I said yes.”

Mamoru just blinked. “Is that so?” he said, sighing in something like relief. “I was concerned that something bad were happening, an enemy or anything that I hadn’t been informed of,” he said.

Mamoru got up, heading for the stove where a pot was steaming. Usagi felt part relaxed by his reaction and part not so. There was still something heavying her stomach. She was telling him half the truth.

There had been something pricking at Usagi’s heart every time she looked at Seiya, at the way it felt like even across the screen of a computer she could read her soul and undo her mind as she pleased. Seiya had grown on her just like last time. Or else, Seiya had fallen into place like a long-lost piece of a puzzle.

“Mamo-chan,” she said again. “There’s something else…”

Mamoru paused to look at Usagi, alerted by the seriousness in her voice, something which wasn’t common on her unless there was something wrong. He studied Usagi’s expression, trying to read the situation, working on the words she had already said. His back straightened in anticipation, the tension building up in his shoulders.

Usagi licked at her lips. She recalled that this wasn’t a matter of courage, but cowardly instead. She has been coward enough as to have been hiding these truths to herself and most importantly, to Mamo-chan. She needed to confess her crimes before they got worse, before more people got hurt in the way.

“I may have feelings for Seiya,” she told Mamo-chan, waiting for the words to dawn on him.

Chapter Text

Usagi sat still as she watched Mamoru gaping like a fish out of water for a long moment. She took a hold of air and kept it in her lungs, waiting. She had an arm perched on the sofa’s back, while he stood between the countertop and the living area. She was expecting any kind of reaction, so Usagi gathered herself for an explosion of anger.

Instead, he closed his mouth and put on a stilled, serious face. Mamoru threw a glance at the stove and decided, impulsively, to turn it off.

He eyed Usagi again. “Maybe you’d prefer a cup of tea instead?”, he asked, which made Usagi smile sadly. So composed, always a gentleman, never giving out.

She nodded.

While Usagi waited for the water to boil, she decided that the silence was too much to bear, so started pacing around her own place as if she’d never seen the portraits hanging on the furniture. She saw her smiling along too many other faces that she barely recognized herself. She thought about engagin on a pep talk to fill the void and avoid the black hole installing in the floor, but a look to Mamoru told her not to interrupt his musings.

He was diagnosing the situation. May be.

The T.V was on but muted. People’s plastered smiles presenting soap and fashionable clothes mocked her from the screen.

Finally, they sat at the countertop with two steaming cups of freshly made tea. The herbs where soothing.

“I…” Mamoru started, then cleared his throat. He cupped his teacup, his handsome bangs dawning on his forehead silkily.

Usagi just blinked, thinking that she’d might need to apologize first. “I should say I’m sorry…”

He looked up, surprised by the interruption. Mamoru analyzed her.

“But you’re not,” he said.

Usagi lowered her head in something like shyness, her eyes falling into her trembling knees. She’d been a lot of time mussing about these feelings -too many nights unable to sleep, too many hours feeling that something was wrong with her, too many times heaving her own chest by denying it all.

“No,” shaking her head, “I can’t feel bad for how I feel,” she stated.

Feeling sorry and feeling guilty were, after all, two totally different things.

Mamoru sighed. “Listen, Usako, I’m not mad at you,” his words made Usagi’s head bolt up in surprise. When she tilted her head, she felt her eyes watering. He went on, “I’m surprised, but not really."

Usagi waited for him to elaborate. When he didn’t, she inched closer, blinking confusedly. “What do you mean?”

He snorted softly. “I remember him…”

“Her,” she corrected him not because she felt he was being obnoxious, but because she needed to be completely honest.

He tilted the chin, nodding once. “You’re right. I remember her, and the boldness she had to threaten me to be a good boyfriend for you, in front of everyone and without knowing me. I think she had made her own idea around the kind of person I was.”

Usagi bitted at her lip, remembering it too. At the moment it had made her felt too self-conscious. Now, she felt guilty about that too. If Seiya thought Mamoru was a shitty boyfriend, it was mostly because she had contributed to it.

“She shouldn’t have said that,” Usagi concluded.

Mamoru arched an eyebrow. “Is that so?” he inquired almost comically- which was even weird, given the situation. “Because I also remember the way you were looking at her. I always thought about the way you behaved around them. It seemed odd to me; after all they were your friends - just like anybody else. But you couldn’t stare at Seiya without blushing or lingering all too much…

“That’s not true!” she yelped, embarrassed.

Defensive mechanism again. Mamoru laughed, he said, “I can understand. For a long time, I kept thinking that there were things I hadn’t been told about, but that I also didn't have the right to know.

Because I had been dead. He didn’t say that, but Usagi could still hear it linger between them.

“I don’t mean to say that you were unfaithful to our relationship,” he looked intently at her. “I’m just saying that, to me -an outsider, you always seemed to orbit around her in a entirely different way."

(a memory)

Usagi couldn’t still shake off the fear. The battle had just ended and the outcome was so bittersweet. She was sitting at the Shrine’s stairs looking up at the night sky and hearing the wailing of sirens in the distance. She could see buildings with their top floors in shreds from there. Galaxia had vanished just after she’d recovered her star-seed, and hadn’t given Usagi the chance to tell her to keep in touch.

She felt sorry for the ancient warrior, just wishing she could find her place in the vast universe this time around.

“Odango,” she felt a weight fall in her shoulders before hearing the soft voice calling. Seiya had thrown his red coat to cover her body. Usagi instantly felt warm, not having realized she’d been shaking. She felt cold from inside out.

Seiya dropped behind her, resting his elbows a step higher. “It’s unbeliable that two hours ago this all could had been destroyed forever,” he said.

Usagi nodded, looking at him from the corner of her eyes. She adjusted the coat so she could be as covered at possible. Suddenly, the memory of her naked body descending on them made her blush.

“I’m so tired,” she complied. “But I’m glad everybody’s safe.” Then she looked fully at him. Seiya was staring at the stars. They always drew his attention, and she remembered him saying something about the music in them. “Kakyuu specially,” she muttered.

Seiya’s brows shot up, and he gazed at her. “I could never thank you enough for it, I’m in debt with you for life,” he said.

Usagi blinked. Then laughed. “Gosh, don’t sound so serious! You don’t owe me anything,” she managed to muse her shoulder against his. She saw his face turn red under the lime lights.

Seiya snorted. “You’re impossible,” but he was smiling, the corner of his mouth turned slightly up, just the way you’d look at him and love, or might make you want to punch him in the pretty face. “But really, my promise stands forever,” he said.

She looked at him confusedly. For a whole minute she didn’t know what he was referring to, and then, Sailor Star Fighter broken eyes appeared in her mind, saying ‘I will protect you with my life, so don’t give up, Sailor Moon, I have faith in you.’

She shrugged, not wanting to think too much of it. “Okay,” she said, and they fell in a silent companionship.

Seiya’s coat carried the smell of cinnamon, something she got used to associate with him, and lately, with Sailor Fighter too. Even in the battlefield, the faint smell of it carried by the wind would be a reminder of her camaraderie. She kind of loved it.

They heard a blast of laughter from the Shrine and Usagi smiled. “I’m glad they could be laughing so soon,” she commented.

Seiya shrugged. “Ever heard of post traumatic laughter?” she looked at him like it had grown another head on him. He sighed. “Never mind.”

“You say weird things sometimes,” she mussed, looking out in the city again. She thought he was going to remain silent, but instead he shifted in his place, then inclined his body forward, catching Usagi’s eyes with his piercing’s ones.

“Listen, we’ll be gone tomorrow,” he started, watching as Usagi’s mouth opened in an O of surprise. “Our planet needs us, her.” He explained. “Anyways, I just wanted to say this personally because… I also wanted to tell you something,” he blushed deeper.

Usagi’s heart throbbed in her chest, just the way it always did when conversations with Seiya got too intimate. She didn’t know why, but they always seemed to end talking in circles.

Seiya sighed. “I… I just want you to know that no matter the distance, or the time, you can always count on me if you ever need it,” although he said these things, it looked like the words were a rushed statement. Like he’d been meaning to say something else.

Usagi nodded. “I know. You’re my friend.”

He blinked up and started to laugh. “Never mind, Odango. I’ll try again later,” and keep laughing.

Usagi was watching at him with confusion, but the impulse to laugh along him was stronger, so she allowed herself to do so. Some other time she might have get mad at his shenanigans, but now, with the fight so fresh and the night so loud, maybe post-trauma-whatever laughter didn’t sound that bad.

“Usako,” the breeze carried her name in the deep voice she knew so well and she immediately bolted up. Mamoru was at the top of the stairs, looking patiently at her, and Usagi chewed at her lips before tearing Seiya’s coat from her shoulders, then handed it back to him. Seiya quietly accepted it.

“Thank you,” she whispered, feeling embarrassed without reason. She started to climb the stairs away when Seiya told her: .

“See you around, Odango.” She shook him a glance, nodding with her little buns bouncing in her head, and rushed to Mamoru’s side.

The wind bought the cinnamon scent back to her nose. Usagi tried to prick at it as she clung to her boyfriend’s arm.

(end of memory)

Usagi was left with a bitter flavor in the mouth. To her, it had seemed that these feeling where harmless, that whatever these feelings she had about Seiya could be compared like a dandelion, and if she blew just hard enough, they’d disappear without hurting anyone. But if someone like Mamoru, who is always so focused on his own musings, had indeed looked once at her around Seiya and had come to these conclusions… well, maybe she hadn’t been that subtle at all.

Usagi tilted her head up from the untouched teacup. “Mamo-chan,” her voice was shaking, “I don’t wanna loose Chibi-Usa.”

She didn’t say, I don’t wanna loose you. She wondered if he noticed too.

He stared back at her. Why did his expression feel like a black sheet, so unreadable in any situation? Mamoru sat as composed as a Renaissance painting.

“We won't loose her,” he assured her, no doubt in his voice. “I won’t let it happen.”

Usagi worried at her bottom lip. “Maybe things haven’t changed yet, maybe we can still stop… whatever.”

Mamoru denied with the head. “Chibi-Usa will be safe, I promise you. We’re not breaking up; this is only a time-off.”

He shrugged it. Usagi blinked.

“Why aren’t you mad?” she asked, incredulous.

Mamoru took his time to answer, maybe pondering what to say. Then he pinned her with this thoughtful stare of him. “I’m sad, but you’re not a possession of mine. You’re free Usako, and I love your soul for that.”

His words were enough to break her and patch her, all at once. She smiled fondly, and the warm which radiated from her filled the entire room.

Chapter Text

Two days later, Usagi and Ami were ready to set off.

Working tirelessly at the Hospital for a whole year gave Ami the opportunity to take an entire month off without much request. Their bags were already full but Usagi kept missing on things she’d want to take with her, but a single look to Ami discouraged her. Usagi sighed, unhappily thinkinh about the new use for her Luna-pen that she'd been working on: using it to morph their bags the size of a doll’s accessory.

So hey choose to gather at the Jubaan School’s rooftop, the dawn breaking up the skyline. It had become a classical spot for meetings. They’d always be scholar girls by heart, she thought, feeling nostalgic, as she watched from above the railing towards the school grounds. The breeze moved the trees, and she could feel the presence of Haruka hiding in the shadows, solemnly watching. She had refused to talk to them, but knowing that she was there, watchful, made Usagi’s heart swell.

She sighed, thinking about their trip, about Kinmoku, and how Seiya was a couple of days away within reach. In this same rooftop, she had sung to her after classes so Usagi could forget for a moment the sadness of her boyfriend’s lack of communication -some things, she thought, hasn’t changed. Seiya had also made a heartful confession there, both of them soaked in rain, conveniently interrupted. And that had been all, an incomplete chapter in their lives.

The orange light washed them and reflected on Ami’s hair, as she fumbled with a communicator that might or might not work in space. It was supposed to get Taiki’s signals and allow them to stay in touch. But until they could test it, those were all conjectures.

They also carried an interstellar map, and high hopes.

“Okay, Usagi-chan,” Ami said, looking up, “it’s all set,” changing to a serious face. Usagi could tell by her expression that the petit girl was nervous, but tried to project a calm semblance. She knew better, of course, because she felt anxious too.

Usagi let out a shaky sight and pushed towards her.

She took her Luna-pen from a pocket, weighing it between her fingers, and summoned the power, directed to the bags. She thought about them the way she used to think about the disguises, so long ago -the magic tingled in the skin of her hand and  after a moment too long, the bags finally shrunk down ,until they were as little as bottle-caps.

“It worked!” she exclaimed, relieved and a bit exited. Ami smiled encouragedly and they both took their mini-bags, saving them safety inside the pocket of their clothes.

“Ok,” she said then, stepping so she’d be standing in front of Ami. They silently took each other’s hand as if they were following the steps of a ritual, an looked into each other. “Let’s do this.”

Their eyes closed in unison. Usagi felt Mercury’s power starting to bubble under the surface of Ami’s skin, from the core of her heart, and she did the same with the Ginzuishou. Their respective magic entwined, bright blue and pearly white, into each other. They were almost ready to summon the transportation enchant when they heard a loud, high-pitched cry.

“Heeeey! Stop! Stop!”

Usagi’s eyes bolted open, and she saw Ami’s mouth crack in a O of surprise. Her sight was directed to the entrance of the rooftop, so Usagi looked that way too.

While she recognized the voice, Usagi still was surprised to see Mina there, out of breath, Artemis perched on her shoulder, looking decomposed.

“Goddess!” she complained, trying to regain a normal breathing. “ I couldn’t get here sooner. I flew from New Zealand the moment I received your message!” she rushed to their side, taking Usagi by the arm as if she might vanish any moment.

Usagi blinked in confusion. Yes, the message she sent to all her guardians- I’d be gone out to Kinmoku for a while. Ami’s gonna come with me. Please, everyone, keep on with your lives, we don’t want to bother anyone with this -we’re only going on a vacation trip. And we’ll be safe, so Haruka, don’t worry. Mamo-chan already knows, and he’d be in touch if we need anything. We love you all, see you soon. Usagi-chan and Ami-chan.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, still confused. Ami appeared to have guessed her intentions, because she was rolling her eyes.

Mina frowned, pointing an accusatory finger to Usagi’s face. “Where the hell were you going without me?!” she said, an angry tone set.

Usagi gaped, looking for Ami's help, who shrugged. “I thought… I didn’t think you’d want to come? You were doing a tour so…”

While Artemis was nodding in agreement, Mina denied, crossing her arms. “You don’t think, that’s the problem! How could you believe I wouldn’t want to go to Kinmoku? And see the girls?! You’re so selfish!”

Usagi was offering her hands in a sing of surrender, still feeling a bit offended by the first part. She hadn’t wanted to interfere in anyone whereabouts. Hadn’t it been clear? Also, the lesser people involved in this the better.

Artemis hopped to the ground, whiskers straight with the discomfort. He frowned at Mina’s childish behavior. “You’re the one being selfish, Mina. You can’t interrupt them because you want to be carried like a baby!”

Mina scowled at him, but said nothing. Her expression softened while she directed her eyes at Usagi, pleading. She was a master of tactics, after all. “Please, let me come!” she cried.

Usagi studied her. She was wearing a white coat that might cost billion of yens. Or dollars, whatever. Her hair, bright blonde, was falling into her shoulders straight and heavy. The red vow had been gone for a long time; it didn’t suit her mature image anymore.

Usagi sighed. “If you’re ready, you can come with us,” she said. Ami nodded; a bit doubtful  about Mina’s luggage. She didn’t think the girl was any closer to be ready, but what could she do? Mina was a force of nature when she wanted something.

Mina squealed, suddenly so happy she forgot her crocodile tears, and Artemis deflated. He stirred, tired from the fly, his tail shaking slightly. “I’m gonna stop by Luna’s, then,” he said. Mina nodded, patting his head in gratitude.

“Okay, how do we do it?” Mina asked, putting on a full concentration façade. Ami’s sweat-dropped.

The trip through the waves of stars wasn’t as easy as they had hopped. Ami’s communicator stopped working at some point between the first and second day, and without Taiki’s guidance, they trusted blindly on the coordinates, and a lot of gut feelings.

Venus was the least exited for the outcome of events, she was in fact becoming frightened. Moon had to remember that either Mercury not her had been in this deep  of space before, but at least she wasn’t panicking. Maybe, Moon thought, Mercury was just holding back for the sake of everyone else’s sanity.

“Ne… I’m getting really tired, my legs hurt, my eyes hurt, I can’t see a thing!”

That was, of course, Venus. Mercury scowled, touching with a finger one of her earrings. Instantly, the light-blue visor appeared in her eyes and she focused on statistics and whatsoever. “Venus, please, that’s why we’ve been preparing from so long, traveling in space is not a simple task,” she was saying, sounding a bit annoyed, so out of character for Mercury that Venus just shut her mouth tight.

Moon touched Venus shoulder in a sympathetic gesture, throwing her a knowing glance.

In the meantime, they passed through entire constellation, huge as the never-ending skyscrapers in the city. They saw sparkling, dying star pass by them dangerously close, and whole hurricanes of little hues bolting in magenta clouds of gasses and mist. But as time passed, the uncertainty dawned on them.

By the end of the second day (It’s been forty-seven hours, Ami told them) Sailor Moon’s little wings unfolded in her back, shaking as if they were cold of wet. Her body was thrumming with tiredness, the senshi power pleading for her to undo the transformation and take a rest. The Ginzuishou hummed inside her chest, but they floated motionless.

“Mercury, is something wrong?” she asked. Mercury merely looked at her, then swooshed her gaze around, big blue eyes wholly opened, touching desperatedly the dead comm.

Mercury was pale, sweating. Venus put a hand on her mouth.

“Sailor Moon, none of my devices are working this deep in space,” Mercury’s voice was trembling. Moon gaped at her, incredulous. For someone who dwelled on technology for, well, every step in her life, this was like, a death sentence for her. “I can’t follow the route anymore,” she said, tiny and full of fear. “I don’t know where we are.”

 She looked devastated. Moon watched her carefully, then at Venus, who was at a loss of words.

Which were the alternatives?

Sailor Moon was sure about only one thing: the Ginzuishou could lead them safely to Earth; but also that, after all the preparations, home was the last place she wanted to be. Seiya was waiting for her. Usagi was thrilled to see her.

She tugged at the end of her hairs in the neck and worried at her lips, a bit anxious. Moon closed the eyes, concentrating hard on the core of her power, summoning the crystal inside her body. A warmness caressed her chest, the Ginzuishou humming obediently, pleased to be awakened. The magic licked at her ribcages, her sternum, the muscles, around her own heart and out, and she could feel her forehead radiating a similar warm. The surroundings became white with the shielding brightness of an ancient power, the universe muted under the weight of its absolution. A clear sheet stretched on an extension of clean peacefulness, and in the middle of it, a canticle soared.

It was as tenue as a feather’s touch; a delicate humming, not more than a whisper in her ears. Moon wasn’t able to make out the words, but the tone was unmistakable -the singing voice was talking to her, it was telling, come here, come to me, follow me.

Moon’s eyes snapped open.

“Guys, I found the way to Kinmoku!” she chirped out. Venus blinked, confused, looking to Mercury, who denied with the head, as confused as she was.

“How? What just happened?” Mercury asked, “Suddenly we could feel the power coming out of you…”

“Seiya!” Moon cried, “She’s singing to me, she’s leading us to her planet,” and to emphasize that, she tilted the head to one side as if the sound became clearer that way.

Venus cried too. “No way!” but she was excited. She exchanged a look with Mercury, who couldn’t quite believe it yet.

“How are you sure is not some… trap?” but she sounded insecure. “Maybe you’re too tired, the mind can imagine things…”

But Moon wasn’t paying attention to her chanting. She was smiling broadly, not entirely believing it, but in the good way. Not the Mercury-suspicious-way.  Seiya’s voice was itched to her mind.

“Trust me!” she almost yelled.

She was already turning away. “Wait, Sailor Moon!”

Hearing Seiya’s singing voice bolted Sailor Moon’s body with renewed energy. Minutes before she was in the middle of nowhere just thinking on how their mission had failed pathetically, and the next she knew was that a new path had opened for them. She wanted to fly straight into the woman’s arms and hug her tight, for platonically reasons of course. Moon wasn’t sure how Seiya knew that they were in trouble, but her timing couldn’t be better. She was, again, just right there where she needed it.

Mercury and Venus decided to just follow her leadership. The enthusiasm in Moon was contagious, her radiance and happiness enough to convince them to go anywhere blindness. Also, what else could they do? How come back without the crystal power and no route?

Seiya’s hasn’t stopped lulling Sailor Moon in. She desperately wanted to make out the lyrics but there was no case, it was just like in the concert at the park, when Seiya told her everything about their story through her singing. There had been no words either, only a hand pressed to her chest, warming her inside out.

Moon recognized the worrying, the doubt in the melody, which keep showing her the way to follow inside her head -so she did, knowing well enough that at the end of it, there was the soothing faces of their friends waiting for them. For her.

Moon wanted to answer the calling, to be able to send a message back, but she figured it didn’t work. The link was a one-sided connection. “It’s okay, we’re almost there.”

And then, they cut through the atmosphere of a new, unknow planet: the sky became an orange mass of clouds tinted with pink dust and some blue. Mercury told them to stay close to one another so they linked their hands. Moon’s pulse picked up at the anticipation, and Venus body was vibrating with excitement.

They prepared to land. The voice had stopped singing somewhere in between.

Then, they crashed.

All Usagi knew after the landing was a blur of color, and voices. They were talking on a foreign tongue, and there were too many hands touching her. She was so tired, her body so fatigued that her brain wasn’t functioning. She only wished to sleep, maybe for an entire week, or a year. You can’t sleep that long, silly; you only have on month to spend with Seiya…

“Seiya!” she gaped, cutting clouds of confusion. A silence drew, then a soft touch to her face, fingers too gentle, too fearful to reach. Usagi opened her eyes and saw, behind the veil of tiredness, a familiar face, lips, eyes, a nose too sharp, a jaw too tightly set.

She smiled through it, mumbling, “I’m glad I’m finally with you,” and fell asleep, her body aching, demanding to recover some damn energy.