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In his third year, Yamaguchi Tadashi learns some things.
He learns what it takes to become the captain of a powerhouse school. He learns how to become a leader. He learns how to grow as a person and how to help others do the same.
He learns how to take stairs two steps at a time and that autumn is his favourite season and that the corner of the gym roof leaks if there’s a heavy storm, so he’ll have to check the weather forecast beforehand and put a bucket underneath.
He learns that he loves Hinata Shoyo.
No. He doesn’t learn it. That would imply that it’s new knowledge, when actually, it’s been this way for a while; he hadn’t yet realised it. It’s more of a discovery, the realisation that the reason his smile has been getting wider is because of his orange haired teammate. At some point in the midst of the countless evenings spent together, Yamaguchi finds himself staring at Hinata with Hinata staring back.
It’s a game they’ve been playing for a while now. Light teasing, stolen glances, and high-fives that linger for longer than they should. It’s whisperings of something that Yamaguchi is too scared to say aloud, in case the unnamed feeling between them shatters along with the silence.
“Hey, Shoyo.”
From across the volleyball court where he’s been playing with a ball for the past few minutes, Hinata lifts his head to meet Yamaguchi’s gaze. He smiles, his lips stretching into a warm line that sends a shiver down Yamaguchi’s spine.
“Yeah?”
Hinata’s voice is light and carefree and there’s a subtle edge of teasing to it, as if he knows how Yamaguchi’s breath hitches with the single syllable he utters.
“Oh, uh-” Yamaguchi scratches the back of his head. “Practice is over, so I was wondering-”
“Don’t worry! I'm not gonna be stupid and overwork myself. I'm pretty much done!”
“No, I was going to ask-”
“You want me to lock up the gym? Yeah, I’ll do it!”
“No, Shoyo,” Yamaguchi says, slowly and patiently and lovingly. “I was going to ask something else.”
“Oh. What is it?”
Yamaguchi clears his throat.
“Do you want to go on a walk after school? Just us.”
“Yeah!” Hinata’s enthusiasm is so contagious that Yamaguchi laughs. “I'd love to do that! where do you wanna go?”
“Well, the crystal shop in town just had a restock, so I thought that today would be a good day to finally take you there.”
It's no secret to any of the team that Yamaguchi is particularly interested in crystals. Everyone else usually entertains his talks about their different properties and uses, but Hinata was the first to enquire more about it later on.
“Really?” Hinata asks.
“Yes, Shoyo. Really.”
“I'd love that!” Hinata jumps into the air, excitement evident on his face. “Let’s go!”
Yamaguchi chuckles lightly.
“We still have to finish up here.”
“Oh yeah! well,” Hinata grins. “We can go as soon as we’re done, right?”
“Yes. We can.”
Hinata scuffs his feet against the pavement as he walks. It’s not an annoying sound, though, on the contrary, it's proof that Hinata is close to him. Yamaguchi wishes that it was louder.
Yamaguchi tries to force himself to look forward, and not turn his head every few seconds to glance at Hinata. The few times in which his eyes flit to the side, they meet Hinata’s, whose face is filled with an expression that lies on the border of joy and ecstasy.
Yamaguchi blinks and looks away again.
He hangs his hands by his side, palms turned toward his legs. He longs to stretch his fingers out, let them move of their own accord, but he knows that they’ll inevitably hook themselves around Hinata’s fingers and the wall that separates them will crumble. The wall that neither of them will talk about because acknowledging its existence means acknowledging the fact that there’s a space between them, and Yamaguchi doesn’t know what Hinata will want to do with that space.
If Yamaguchi were a god, he’d place himself and Hinata side by side in the universe, the distance between them so slight that only a whisper can travel, because a whisper is all that he needs to tell Hinata how he feels. If Yamaguchi were a god, he’d spell out his love with the stars, to let everyone who dared to look up know that love exists and that he's felt it. If Yamaguchi were a god, he’d reach out to hold Hinata Shoyo’s hand and he’d hold it until Hinata’s skin felt as familiar as his own.
But Yamaguchi isn’t a god, he’s a seventeen year old who wears school shoes that are half a size too large because his mother believes that he’s still growing.
He curls his fingers tighter into his palm.
“Tadashi,” Hinata says. Yamaguchi turns his head. Too fast.
“Yeah?”
A smile breaks on Hinata’s face, though maybe breaks isn’t the right word. There’s nothing violent or forceful about his expression, just pure, unadulterated, delight.
“It’s a really beautiful day today,” Hinata comments, tilting his face upward to the sun, as if to fully gauge the extent of its warmth. “I'm glad I get to spend it with you.”
“Thank you.” Yamaguchi’s voice is quiet. There’s still a part of him that thinks this is a dream; if he speaks too loud, he’ll wake up.
Hinata laughs. His head shakes and his hair bounces over his eyes and he’s beautiful.
“You’re welcome!” He swings his arms in a circle, full of life and vigour as he skips.
And he brushes against Yamaguchi’s hand. Hinata’s fingers sweep over the skin at the base of Yamaguchi’s thumb, and in that instant, a universe is born. Tales from millenia ago are brought to life, running across the lines on Yamaguchi’s palm and decorating it with colours that don’t exist. If love is a flower, then its seed has well and truly taken root in Yamaguchi and the head is in its season of bloom, petals unravelling and opening up in an unrivalled display of devotion.
then Hinata’s arm continues on its trajectory, tearing itself away and reaching up to seemingly touch the sun, which is brighter and warmer than Yamaguchi could ever be.
Yamaguchi slides his hand inside his pocket.
He keeps it there until his feet arrive at the entrance of the crystal shop, at which point he takes it out. His hand momentarily rests on the door, before he pushes the handle down.
“Are you excited?” Yamaguchi directs this question toward Hinata, who nods.
“Yeah! I can’t wait for you to tell me more about your crystals.”
“Good.” Something that might have been called a smirk tugs at Yamaguchi’s mouth, but it’s too soft and innocent to deserve that name. “I think you’ll enjoy this.”
“Tadashi! Nice to see you again!”
Yamaguchi nods at the woman behind the counter.
“Good afternoon, Yuta-san.” He’s known Yuta for years; she was his babysitter as a child and the one who bought him his very first crystal, an aventurine. To this day, he still wears it around his neck sometimes.
“Yuta-san? Why all the formality?” Yuta begins to laugh but pauses, her attention caught by someone else. “You brought a friend?”
“Yeah.” Yamaguchi clears his throat. “This is my teammate, Shoyo.”
“Hey!” Hinata beams. The only illumination in Yuta’s store is provided by some low hanging fluorescent tubes, but in the instant that Hinata smiles, it becomes a little brighter. “I'm Tadashi’s best friend!”
Yamaguchi sees the knowing gleam in Yuta’s eye and cuts in before she can say anything.
“Can I take Shoyo to the stock room? I want to show him the new crystals you got.”
“Sure, go ahead.” Yuta waves her hand, but not before flashing a teasing gron towards Yamaguchi. He sighs. “You can unpack the boxes if you want.”
After many afternoons spent examining the multitude of crystals that Yuta kept arranged in the stock room, Yamaguchi is well familiarised with where things are kept. He heads straight for the pile of unopened cardboard boxes by the back door, tearing off the tape and looking inside.
“This one is malachite,” he says, picking up one of the small green pieces and handing it to Hinata.
“Ooh! What does it do?”
“It opens the heart to unconditional love.”
Hinata looks at it, his mouth widening in an ‘o’ shape.
“That’s so cool! Tell me more about the others!”
The next box that Yamaguchi opens is filled with sodalite. Yamaguchi lifts out the dark coloured stone. “This one is for emotional balance. And it helps with self-esteem.” He holds it close to his heart. “It’s one of my favourites.”
“Tadashi?”
“Yeah, Shoyo?”
“Which one do you think is the best?”
Yamaguchi inhales. He’s trembling slightly, so he steadies his breathing in an attempt to calm down.
“The one which shines the most.”
“So which one is that?”
Yamaguchi feels a warm blush on his cheeks and hopes that it’s too dark for Hinata to see.
“You.”
“Huh? I'm not a crystal.”
“You’re my favourite. My favourite everything,” Yamaguchi says. “And I've been trying to figure out how to tell you, but I'm scared, and I'm nervous, because I don’t know if you feel the same way-”
“Tadashi.”
“-But I like you, a lot.” Yamaguchi holds his hand against his chest, feeling the aventurine crystal beneath his shirt. He focuses on that. “I like you a lot.”
“Tadashi.”
“It’s stupid, I know. We’re friends, and I'm sorry if I just ruined that but I wanted to let you know, and if you walk away right now, I'll understand-”
“Tadashi,” Hinata whispers. “Listen to me.”
Yamaguchi clamps his lips shut.
“I know.”
“You know what?”
“That you love me,” Hinata says, so casually and so carelessly. “I know.”
“Oh.”
“And I love you too.” Hinata laughs at the end of his sentence. “I thought you knew.”
“I- I didn’t. I didn’t know.”
“Now you do!”
“Wait, Shoyo.” Yamaguchi bites his lip. “Do you love me, like as a friend? Or as-”
Hinata cups Yamaguchi’s jaw in his left palm and leans forward, pressing their lips together. His right hand is placed on Yamaguchi’s shoulder, and Yamaguchi almost swears his skin is on fire.
When Hinata pulls away, his face is calm and his gaze is firmly locked with Yamaguchi’s own.
“I hope that answers your question.”
“Yeah,” Yamaguchi breathes. “It does.”