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Missing Josie was like a prickling under Hope’s skin.
And there was truly no way to describe this sensation, other than small and annoying.
Hope could go on about her day with full knowledge that she was going to see Josie soon, but this thing would still follow her through it all: a whispered reminders that something was missing, no matter what Hope was doing or how focused she was on the task at hand. It didn’t disturb her doings, it just… was there. Her hands ached for that familiar feeling of warm skin under her fingertips. The motel bed she was sleeping in seemed too big for one person. Whenever she was tense, taut or sad, her first thought was to turn to Josie, mind immediately slipping into the memory of her girlfriend’s arms around her waist.
It put Hope on edge. And it was always the worst the last few hours she had to spend on the road. The way back to school stretched endlessly. Every tree, every turn and every hick town they passed through looked exactly the same, and if Hope didn’t know better, she would think Alaric was driving in circles for the sole purpose of spitting her. Every 5 minutes, she had to actually bit down on “Are we there yet?”, an annoying, pointless question buzzing in her mouth like she was some kind of a 5-year-old, bored out of her mind on a road trip to Disneyland. It made Hope grumpy, impatient and excited all at once, and somehow she became an even worse companion for small talks than usually. Poor Alaric.
For the most part, Hope felt really stupid for it. Especially when Alaric was giving her those stealth, peculiar side glances - something between amusement and exasperation. Adults seemed to often use those, along with eyes rolling, resigned sighs and “teenagers these days” mumbled under their breath. Hope genuinely hated to be that cliche stereotype, but then again it was one of few aspects where her life resembled that of a regular teenager, and sometimes she longed for this bit of normalcy. So she allowed herself to feel it, as long as it didn’t put her off or get in the way of whatever job they were doing. It wasn’t like she could do much to allay this pang in her chest anyway.
And this time the guilt only added to it.
The local Yule Ball was as uptight and pretentious as the Mystic Falls Historical Association that had thrown and held it every single year for the past three centuries. But no doubt it was also very classy and fancy. The amount of money, preparation and efforts that went into the event created this specific aura straight out of fairy tales. Every significant town figure was invited, and as the headmaster of the private school, Alaric was one of them, along with his family. Since this year marked the first time the twins were allowed to attend, Lizzie had been pretty much lost in her element of planning every single detail, searching for perfect dresses, making hairdresser appointments and gushing over the supposed best night of their lives. All while her sister rolled eyes at her antics and stayed out of it, clearly implying that for her the ball was just another boring and annoying nuisance her father had forced them to do.
Needless to say, Hope hadn’t fallen for this front. Every time Lizzie went on about yet another ball related thing, Josie would perk her head up sharply with the first word that left Lizzie’s mouth, and her eyes would glint in that way they did when she was trying and failing to tone down on any strong emotions. Hope thought it was adorable how hard she tried to seem nonchalant and laid-back while inquiring about details. Hope had even once caught her browsing on her laptop in search of a dress. It was obvious and understandable that some part of Lizzie’s excitement had rubbed off on Josie - this was no tacky school dance, and Josie had always been a little into all those traditional, fancy stuff, stunning, expensive dresses and rosy champagne.
When Hope'd had to tell her she wouldn’t be able to be her plus one to the ball because some urgent recruit mission had come up, the look on Josie's face broke her heart.
Though Josie was basically unable to hold any grudges or stay mad at people she loved for more than an hour - and Hope was well aware of that - she knew how often Josie masked her own disappointment and soreness for the sake of others. While she might not be angry, her hurt ran deep, and Hope absolutely hated herself for letting her girlfriend down once again. Some things were simply beyond our control but Hope was never the one to just settle for this pretext and tell herself that there was nothing she could do, in any given situation really. It didn’t help her stop feeling guilty and it didn’t erase the image of Josie's frown from her mind. Those five days Hope was gone, it haunted her even more than the yearning to hold Josie again.
She felt restless to make up for it all. Although it was late when they set off for Mystic Falls, even later when they finally arrived, and the last scrap of common sense Hope possessed told her she should probably hold off till morning, it just couldn’t wait. Hope wanted to surprise Josie and steal a few moments alone with her - which in a place so full of noisy friends, supernatural problems, overprotective fathers and twin sisters sometimes proved to be a task much more challenging than it might have seemed.
“Good night, Doctor Saltzman!” Hope blurted in a half-voice, already racing up the stairs to take a quick shower in her room and change her sweaty clothes. Honestly, it was pretty suspicious, especially coming from a composed and snarky Hope Mikaelson, and as a retired vampire hunter, Alaric should have known better.
Hope’s auburn hair was still damp when she jumped out of her window and landed deftly on the gravel with a quiet crunch. It was way past the curfew and all the entries were not only closed shut, but also additionally sealed off with Emma's spells for extra safety. No witch beside Emma could disperse the protection spell, and the keys were safely tucked away in a drawer of Alaric's desk, which Hope knew because Lizzie had tried to filch them once or twice. Hence the unusual way to grab Josie.
Besides it was, well… kind of romantic. Not that Hope would ever admit that was one of the reasons she chose to do it.
As always, she made her way to the other side of the building, her steps cautious and light on the crunching path. Or at least she hoped so. There was no way to know with blood pounding in her ears like it did. Was the adrenaline caused by the concern of getting caught or by the thought of seeing Josie? Hope had done her best not to dwell on it the time she had been away because it would’ve surely eaten her alive, but a small part of her was afraid Josie would shut her out, still mad about the whole Yule Ball thing.
That fear finally kicked in, now that she was only seconds away from facing up to it but Hope forced herself to quell it. Whatever was going to happen, it was Josie - her Josie - and they could work it out. They always had.
With that solid reassurance, her hands shook a little less when she picked up a pebble from the ground and tossed it at the window of the twins’ room… Only that her excitement got the best of her and she used a bit too much strength. Just a bit, really.
“What the hell?!” The broken window retreated abruptly and Josie's head appeared in its frame, brown hair tousled, gaze both frantic and glazed over from sleep, a pillow mark imprinted on her right cheek. Hope would feel bad for scaring her if she didn’t look so adorable and ridiculous, trying to stay alert and threatening in case of any potential intruders while the last remnants of a deep slumber still clearly clung to her.
“Hope?” Josie added in a hushed tone when she finally spotted the cause of the whole hustle. Her eyes widened a little at the sight of her girlfriend standing beneath.
“Hey, Jo…. Sorry for the window,” Hope said, sounding very insincere since she could barely contain a chuckle and a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. God, she’d missed Josie so much. She couldn’t care less about the dumb window.
...that was until Josie sent her a disapproving scowl and Hope shrunk visibly, embarrassingly sheepish and ashamed under her girlfriend’s scrutiny. It took surprisingly little for Josie to make Hope feel like a chastised kid, her usual defiant and brash nature drifting into the shadows - something even people older, wiser and more formidable than Hope couldn’t achieve.
“Come down? Please?” Hope ventured, rubbing the nape of her neck nervously.
Josie rolled her eyes but there was a flicker of a smile playing across her lips. Her ability to chide Hope didn’t change the fact that she had a soft spot for her and it wouldn’t let her pretend to be mad for too long.
“Just let me grab a hoodie or something. It’s freezing.”
Hope wouldn’t know. Perks of being a werewolf probably.
Hood pulled up and the skirts of a sweatshirt securing her from the covetous whiffs of the cold, Josie started to climb down an espalier that adorned the outer wall. Since she refused to be carried down, Hope watched her the whole time with an attentive, steady gaze, ready to catch her at any moment if her foot slipped. She’d actually had to do that once before and she hadn’t been taking any chances ever since.
For such a powerful siphoner witch, Josie could be pretty clumsy at times - and she demonstrated it when her awkward landing sent her stumbling on wobbly legs. Hope was by her side in a split second, steadying hands on her waist. The familiar smell of Josie’s shampoo wafted around her, the sweetest and most vivid reminder of all those nights Hope had spent snuggled up to her. Somehow she could feel the heat radiating from Josie’s body even through the thick fleece, and it made her want to toss it away to slip her hands under the girl’s t-shirt and touch bare skin.
Josie pulled back and dusted herself off - though not without offering Hope an embarrassed but thankful half-smile. Hope finally had a chance to take a closer look at her, and when she did, her eyebrow arched in a graceful, inquiring curve.
“That’s mine,” Hope pointed out, motioning to the oversized yellow hoodie Josie was wearing. On Hope it was really loose, covering her palms with its floundering sleeves and reaching her knees. For Josie, it was only half her tighs but she was basically disappearing in it anyway.
Josie shrugged impishly. “I look better in it.”
Hope gasped as her mouth fell open in a theatrical act of outrage. “Rude, Jo.”
After Josie shrugged again, it didn’t take long for both of their facades to crumble. A burst of laughter broke out of Hope - the first one in almost a week - and this mischievous back-and-forth flowing between them so easily brisked her like a pleasant breeze. Hope felt as it lifted and carried away that weight hunching her shoulders, put there by both being away from Josie and the prospect of not being granted forgiveness. Hearing Josie’s laugh made it all go away.
“You’re so lucky Lizzie isn’t sleeping in our room tonight. She would’ve killed you if you’d woken her,” Josie said when they simmered down, referring to the shattered glass above their heads.
“Please, I have years of experience in avoiding death at the hands of Lizzie,” Hope dismissed with a cavalier flick of a hand. Then a line appeared between her eyebrows as what Josie’d said dawned on her. “Wait… Where is Lizzie?”
“At MG’s," Josie informed nonchalantly but rushed with an explanation straight away when Hope's dumbfounded frown only deepened. "Apparently they were having a movie night and she fell asleep on his bed. He came to tell me so I wouldn’t worry. He didn’t have the heart to wake her. Said - and I quote - that he’d happily take the floor.”
Hope clicked her tongue and smirked.
“That boy is so whipped.”
“So is Lizzie. She just doesn’t realize it most of the time.”
“These two…” Hope shook her head incredulously. “Do you think they will have done something about it by the time you turn eighty?”
Their light chuckles tinkled in the comfortable silence between them once again. In the wake of that laugh, Josie’s eyes turned soft, just the smallest upward quirk remaining on her lips. She was watching Hope in this elusive, disarming way of hers that somehow was unexplainable, yet explained and conveyed hundreds of different things, without any words needed.
“I missed you,” she confessed and the sweet simplicity of it made Hope's heart wrench in her chest. She smiled back at Josie.
“I missed you too.”
Hope let herself sink into this moment, just adoring the girl standing before her, like all of this was going to last forever and Josie was the only certainty in this world. She would be happy to freeze time right now, just stand there and have this girl look at her like that for eternity.
It was her ache to touch Josie that nudged her closer. Although, in this haze, Hope didn’t even realize she moved until her hand reached for Josie’s. This particular kind of giddy warmth, that could only come from being close to someone you loved, flooded her chest when Josie laced their fingers right away like it was an instinct.
“Come with me,” Hope pleaded quietly and tugged at Josie, not giving her a chance to protest before they took off with haste, a heady rush making wind whistle in their ears and whip at their faces.
“Where are we going?” Josie panted as their pace picked up and they were nearly running. For no particular reason; they had all the time in the world, Hope was just too excited.
“As if i would tell you.” Hope glanced over her shoulder and gifted her girlfriend with a sly grin, clearly enjoying the advantage she had over her and the fact that Josie was coughing her lungs up by the time they had reached their destination, whereas Hope’s cheeks not so much as flushed. A teasing thrust about it teetered on the brink of her voice, and Hope wouldn’t hesitate to act on it if it wasn’t for the look of wonder on Josie’s face and spark in her eyes as she was taking in their surroundings.
They’d passed through the gate without much trouble since it was fortunately only locked with regular keys and free of Emma’s enchantments. A simple spell had done the trick and soon Hope was leading Josie alongside the line of trees, keeping her just far enough from its shadow, until a hillock loomed up. It was a mild one, not much of a hike. Few knew it was there, even fewer cared about it, considering it was fairly distant and off the beaten track. But a meadow perched on top of it offered privacy and peace, and the view… Well, the view was what enravished Josie like that.
The hillock overlooked the school and its grounds; even a town with its dim lights peeked over the tree crowns, the clock tower soaring above them all. Only three nights away from plenilune, the moon was bright and high on the cloudless sky. Its glow reflected in the windows of the school and painted them with the silver of a lake sheet like they were canvas. Hope could even swear the light rippled gently on glass in the image of water. Everything around them was suffused with this pale gleam that softened the edges and lulled every living thing to sleep, even trees and plants. While Josie watched it all, Hope admired the way the moonlight lay on the soft curves of her face and tangled in her hair.
From the pockets of her men’s windcheater, Hope produced a small speaker and the school’s phone. Her hands shook faintly as she took them out.
A slow, solemn melody distracted Josie from the view, and she turned around just in time to see Hope bowing before her and offering her a hand. Confusion flickered faintly over her features before Hope explained, “I believe I own you a dance.”
Josie’s expression settled into something between shy astonishment and cocky pleasure as she accepted an invitation and let Hope lead with steady, smooth steps. Count on a 1000 years old family to teach a girl how to dance, old style.
Hope still remembered this one night when she was seven, right after her family had been woken from their slumber by her mother, and before Kol and Rebekah had left. They had all gathered together and in the festive high of their reunion, their grievances were put aside, if only for one night of good food, good stories and good music. In retrospect, Hope realized they had done it mainly for her sake - to give a little girl a scrap of a normal family she had never had and would never have - but the reason had never been that significant to her. After a while it had stopped mattering to her family as well as their cheeks grew blushed, the laughter louder and conversations more relaxed - all thanks to nonending refills of wine. The whole time the music was playing from a record player so old, it probably remembered days before Grandma Mary had been born. Her father, Elijah and Kol took turns dancing with a small Hope who stood on their feet and demanded to be swirled with a stern voice, definitely fit for a Mikaelson - as her mother made a point of observing.
Hope had clung to this happy memory desperately after she was separated from her family. One time Freya had caught her swiveling in her room to some of her dad’s old records, and taken it upon herself to finish the lesson her brothers had started. Hope especially liked the fact that she had taught her to both follow and lead, and didn’t just assume one day there would surely be a boy to lead Hope.
Then Hope had turned fifteen and her father came back, and among all this rough, tumultuous pain and grief they’d managed to find small moments of happiness. Like painting together that one time. Or dancing. In his eyes and smile, Hope could see how proud he was of the woman she was becoming.
Dancing was something precious to Hope, and the only person she wanted to share it with for the rest of her life was Josie.
It was one of those no-touch dances that girls at Miss Mystic Falls Ball had to master, all about grace, eyes and tension. Honestly, after all those days apart it was kind of torture, especially when Josie was sending her those sultry looks, and Hope inwardly cursed herself for choosing it. But then again, it made the touch this much sweeter, and Hope knew Josie had been longing for it too because when the music changed and touch finally came, she gently pressed herself against Hope without hesitation, as close as it was possible.
They danced under the moonlight, laughed, stole chaste kisses on cheeks in between. And it was perfect.
At some point, Hope slowed down, just gently swaying them to the beat to give herself a chance to cup Josie’s face in both her hands and look her deeply in the eyes. There was one more thing she had to do, even though it caused her previous fear to rise unbidden once again, a small flame of it smouldering in her chest. Josie tensed and shifted uncomfortably in her arms, seeing how Hope’s expression dulled and clouded. Hope could almost see the silent question behind her worried gaze.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for the ball,” Hope said quietly, caressing the girl’s round cheeks with her thumbs. Josie frowned, then pressed her mouth into a thin line. Her eyes skimmed over Hope’s face lazily, as though she was searching for something in Hope’s expression, but when they finally settled on Hope’s eyes, there was an unyielding gaze in them that gave no emotion away. Waiting for Josie to answer, Hope felt vulnerable. Taut panic pooled in the pit of her stomach as the heaviest moment of silence between them dragged on and on.
And then, very slowly - almost like she was asking for permission - Josie moved to peck Hope’s lips.
Hope’s breath shuddered in the small space that still divided them, and right before it could happen, she closed her eyes, relishing in the cool of Josie’s minty breath tingling her chin. It was a small touch but so tender and sweet, it left Hope intoxicated and dizzy. It replaced a knot of nerves in her stomach with something completely different.
Her eyes were still closed when Josie murmured against her mouth,
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” Hope retorted fiercely, her voice creaking at the edge despite all efforts. Josie shook her head but Hope wasn’t going to let her brush it off. She had fucked up, she felt awful about this whole thing and Josie denying it wasn’t going to do any good to either of them. An apology was the least she deserved. “No, Josie, no. It’s not okay. Let me say this," Hope fumbled desperately, her tone going higher and higher with each word. She couldn’t think straight with Josie so close but the girl clung to her and wouldn’t let her pull away.
“Hope,” Josie cut in with a steely voice that held no room for objection. “I don’t care about that stupid ball. You’re here now and I love you and I’m happy and this is what I want to focus on, okay? Digging into the past will only get you to miss out on the good things that are waiting for you here, right now, in the present. And it’s awful to miss out on those things because you never know how many of them there are left.” Josie paused for a second to take a breath and soften her tone. Hope could write songs about how much she loved the mischievous tang it held and the kind of spark it brought out in her eyes. “So can you please stop blaming yourself for nothing and just kiss your very touch-deprived girlfriend who missed you very much?”
Hope certainly didn't need to be told twice.
At once her hands slid down to Josie’s hips, pulling her impossibly closer, and her lips met Josie's with new fervour that did nothing to cease their need. It only drove their moves more hectic and desperate until they ended up lying on the grass, though neither of them recalled how exactly it had happened.
Hope was on top of Josie, straddling her, when Josie slipped her windcheater off and ran her hands down Hope's bare arms at an almost agonizing pace. Her deft fingers sensed shivers on Hope’s skin and she smirked, knowing well enough their cause did not lie in the cold air.
Hope let Josie roll them over and watched as the girl made a show out of sitting up and pulling her hoodie and pyjama top over her head as slowly as she could so Hope could drink in every little detail. And that's exactly what she did.
The skin on Josie's toned stomach was smooth and pale in the moonlight, so inviting that Hope couldn't resist touching it. She gingerly traced her fingers along, creating a path starting at the hem of Josie's pants and winding up all the way to her sternum. Then she went back down and slowly drew random patterns on Josie's tummy, relishing in the shivers that rose in response to her touch. Josie's muscles were tensing slightly and Hope could feel her gaze impatiently urging her to do more, to do anything or at the very least meet her eye.
Hope did nothing of the sort.
Her gaze was perversely following the lazy track of her fingers until, thanks to her enhanced hearing, she picked up on puny hitches and quiet sighs in Josie's laboured breathing and took a small pity on her. On her way up, she skimmed Josie's chest, almost offhandedly so as to brush it off as an irrelevant, small accident. What she didn't expect was to elicit a strangled, pleased moan out of Josie.
"Hope…" Josie pleaded and Hope couldn't refuse to look her in the eye anymore. Her head snapped up abruptly at the desperate tone in Josie's cracking voice, and as their glazed, dopey gazes locked, the tension and longing became a palpable thing between them. Josie's mouth parted slightly ajar, her tongue swiping across her bottom lip and Hope followed the movement, enthralled and crumpling under the force of her own rising impatience. There was a subtle pink flush to Josie's cheeks and the kind of impish glint in her dark eyes - a challenge and beseeching desperation equal - that bowled Hope over. She wanted to whisper in Josie's ear how beautiful she was, over and over again, but instead, she poured it all into another kiss. She dug her fingers into the soft skin of Josie's waist and hugged her close until their chest were pressed together. The touch burned even through clothes and Hope was overwhelmed with the need to toss her own shirt aside and feel the skin on skin.
Thankfully, Josie seemed to think the same because she forestalled Hope and broke the blissful kiss for a quick moment it took to pull Hope's shirt over her head and swiftly follow it with her bra. Then she lowered herself back to catch Hope's lips between hers, and a quiet sigh escaped Hope's mouth when Josie's bare chest gently pressed against her own. Her arms wrapped around Josie's waist, pulling her close and firm, hands roaming all over the soft skin on her back. Their kisses were heated and sultry but the blasts of biting wind kept slithering over their exposed skin, and it didn't take long to feel Josie tremble in her embrace.
“You’re gonna get cold,” Hope whispered, brushing Josie's lips with every word she spoke because she didn't dare to move away more than an inch. She felt like she was going to fall apart if anything came between her and this girl right now.
Josie hovered over her for a moment and then brushed her lips against Hope's cheek reassuringly, slowly moving down to plant kisses along the line of Hope’s jawline.
“Keep me warm then.”