Work Text:
It was the end. Holding the button in his hands, a smile graced his face, he was absolutely filled to the brim with hope. Makoto thought about his situation, about the state of the world and his dead friends. It was almost funny how quickly things can change. Just two years ago he was just some student, so ordinary you could describe him as boring, he had just been accepted into a prestigious school by pure chance, with vague dreams of a good future…If you had told him then, that one of his future classmates would commit a genocide and throw the entire world into chaos…if you told him that junko, one of his friends, would erase his memory along with the entire class, trap them in their own school (the same school that was supposed to protect them) and tell them that they could only escape if they become murderers. He wouldn’t have ever believed you.
But, a lot of things have changed since then, he attended a school for only the most exceptional students; each one with their own unique talent (They told him that his talent was « luck », but he knows that he’s just talentless), he made friends, he lived through a tragedy, he lost his memory, his freedom, his friends and normality. He can’t escape from the fact that junko treated their lives like a game, that he now has more dead friends than live ones and that, pushed to a certain point, humanity is incapable of nothing. He now has memories that will haunt him for the rest of his days, the memory of his friends will be forever tainted.
Sayaka’s memory is reduced to a figure slumped in his shower, covered in blood. Leon is just an image of a corpse covered in bruises, lifted into the air, on display, like on a pedestal. He can’t think of mukuro without seeing her body covered in stab wounds, or chihiro and their eyes, hollow and completely void of life. When he tries to think of mondo and taka, he can’t hear anything but screams and sobs. He can only see hifumi and his last moments of life, celestia and her entrails covering the front of the fire truck. In his memory, sakura is still hunched over, sitting in her final pose. Junko…well, there was too much blood for him to ever be able to forget.
After months of nothing but death and despair, he keeps their memories with him and the hope for a better future, in this controller. With some reassurance from the other survivors, he pushes the red button. The entrance opens horizontally, the light from outside is too bright for his eyes (how long has it been since he’s seen the sun? Too long, that’s for sure). Junko had told them that the world outside was in total despair, that the tragedy had ruined everything, that the streets were like an apocalyptic nightmare. The tragedy is real, no doubt about it, but the rest of it could’ve been just a final, last ditch attempt to cause them despair.
The light burns his eyes shut, blocking the outside from view. At that same moment, an intense sensation of pain overwhelms his head and his chest. It’s probably the adrenaline leaving him. He really should’ve taken into account that his injuries would eventually have consequences. Just when the door opens completely, he loses consciousness. His last thought, is that even if he dies now, at least they all escaped.
Makoto wakes up, slumped on a desk and with a string of saliva pooling unto the wood. Confused, he looks around himself, it looks like he’s in…a classroom? He immediately notices, a badly drawn orientation brochure, security cameras and larges pieces of metal blocking the windows.
No! It’s not possible! …It can’t be…
…It’s the exact scene where he woke up after junko gave him amnesia, the very beginning of what he remembers of this misadventure. He dismisses all thoughts of the eerie coincidence. Filled with worry and anxiety, he leaves to search for his friends. If he’s still in the school, then that means that the survivors decided to wait until he woke up to leave. The faster he finds them, the earlier they can escape. It’s better to confront the future rather than stew in memories. Making his way towards the entrance, he opens the door and he doesn’t notice until it’s too late, that he’s right in front of sayaka.
He freezes in shock even before the fear creeps up. All he can see is her dead body, splayed upon the ground and her eyes, wide open and stuck in a state of perpetual horror, the blood, all that blood; the image that occupied his nightmares every single night. For a second, he thinks he’s hallucinating, that his brain is bringing him the despair that junko had tried so hard to give him. But then he realizes that’s it not just sayaka, the room is filled with ghosts (It’s not possible, they’re all dead) and that the gate is…closed? Nothing about this situation makes a lick of sense.
Returning from his thoughts, sayaka looks worried, she asks him if he’s feeling well and what’s his…name.
It’s impossible that everything he’s lived through was nothing but a dream and even less probable that this is the past, that he traveled through time. He didn’t want to think about it, but his injuries had disappeared and the probability that he actually traveled through time, was only going to increase.
Later, after several (re)introductions and some time to adjust to the circumstances, while monokuma Junko (it’s always been her after all, monokuma was just her mascot) explains to his friend that the only way to leave this place is to become a murderer, he can’t help but think. He’s already having trouble accepting that his victory is null, that everything that he’s endured no longer amounts to anything…But, maybe this time, he can save them all. He could escape with the entire class, not just 5 other survivors.
His notorious optimism has returned with a vengeance. While the rest of them argue with junko, he promises himself that he’ll save them all. He’ll make sure that they’ll all survive and that they’re able to rebuild society and inspire hope to the next generation, if need be. They don’t need him to accomplish that, all that he can really do is make sure that they all reach the exit once more.
The third day; back in the past
Sayaka couldn’t stop shaking, she knew that the only reason that monokuma had showed them those videos, was to motivate them to leave (to kill). But the image of her friends, her family, motionless on the ground, was ingrained in her mind. Her mind seemed to work at a hundred miles per hour. She was suddenly incredibly conscious of how easy it would be to kill that idiot, leon. Just one little note under his door, just one deceptive smile, just one quick motion, just one knife in his back. Maybe her eyes betrayed her thoughts, for makoto’s gaze lingered on her for a minute too long before addressing the entire group.
« If your videos were anything like mine, then it showed you the disappearance or the death of your loved ones in a purposely vague way. I know that you most likely want to find them and leave this place. But, calm yourselves and think logically, even if those videos were real, escaping wouldn’t change a thing. »
Rage took a hold of her, it was like he’d just grabbed her by the hair, slapped her and reprimanded her for having dared to even think of leaving. Forcing herself to keep her expression light and innocent, she replied slowly, a finger on her bottom lip and her eyebrows lightly creased.
« Of course it’d change something! We could help them, save them! It’s not guaranteed that they’re dead! Are you suggesting that I prioritize a bunch of strangers over my own family!? »
« At what price? » makoto retorted.
« Huh? »
« At the price of becoming a murder?! Of staining your hands with blood? Tell me, tell me what you’d do if you returned to your family and you make sure that they’re all right. Then they ask you, where you were and how you escaped. Tell me, what would you tell them? »
The image of her friends, scared and horrified, invades her mind.
« You-you’re only talking about the worst case scenario. »
« Worst case scenario? You want me to talk about the worst case scenario? Imagine, will you, that you escape but it’s too late, they’re all dead and all that you’re left with, is memories and regrets. Imagine that you continue to spend your days asking yourself what could’ve been and your nights covered in sweat and submerged in nightmares? »
« Shut up! I don’t want to think about it anymore…are you trying to give me a headache or what? » She bit out, loosing her cool.
The two of them, equally frustrated, stared at each other. The others just watched them in silence, not interrupting their argument. Makoto took a deep breath, the stiffness left his shoulders and he was suddenly overtaken with this expression of immense exhaustion and anguish.
« Sayaka, I know that you desperately want to get out of here, it’s definitely a goal shared by the rest of the class, believe me, I know the feeling. The intense desire to return to normal, to sacrifice everything for freedom and to leave behind confusing emotions and messy connections. But it’s not worth it. Just because your life is in shambles, doesn’t mean you should ruin yourself too, that you should let yourself be manipulated by a maniac that wants nothing more than to see the blood drain from your body. I know that I don’t know you very well, but I want to. I won’t let you taint your spirit; you deserve a lot more than that. »
He extends his hand towards her, his eyes sparkling.
« Sayaka? I want to be your friend, let me help you, we can escape together, have hope. »
Hesitant, she didn’t know what to do anymore, just that she couldn’t bear to break his trust, not when he seemed to care about her that much. Slowly, a trembling hand joined his. Giving him a little smile, she told him.
« Makoto, you really know how to break a resolution before it even forms. »
Returning her smile with double the effort, he turns his attention to the others, who had stayed silent the entire time. They look stupefied or conflicted.
« What do you say? Will you let yourselves become pawns and cause yourselves nothing but misery? Or will you help me find another solution? »
Nobody replied, but the tension seems to have practically evaporated. She was also stunned, with good reason. Without hesitation, the talentless of the class, the extra essentially, just, in the simplest of terms, resolved the situation. Sometimes, she thinks back to this moment and wonders if their debate was one of the reasons that there weren’t any murders that night.
Day 4
Mukuro, backed up on the ground, stared at the giant spikes just inches away from her.
« Junko? Junko!? Are you alright? »
She didn’t register makoto’s voice, simply unable to respond. Her thoughts resonated, creating an internal back and forth.
The spikes erupting from the ground would’ve definitely killed me…monokuma, Junko almost killed me, my own sister almost killed me. If makoto hadn’t pulled me backwards by the hem of my shirt…, would I be dead?
Yes
I know that she loves me, but obviously not as much as the sadness that she’d feel with my blood on her hands. I always knew that she’d do anything to feel despair, but I thought that I’d be exempt from that…I guess not. Maybe the more that she loves me, the higher the chance that I die a violent death. My god, she really isn’t right in the head…Is that the first time that I admit it? Wow mukuro, you really need to get yourself together.
Shaking her head briefly, she stood up. Visibly worried, makoto approached her to make sure that she truly hadn’t been injured.
« Are you sure that you don’t have anything scraped or pierced? » He asked her, looking sceptic.
She smiled a little to reassure him.
« Of course, I’m fine makoto! I’m not all that fragile! »
A thought suddenly occurred to her. Incredulous, she questioned him.
« Wait, how did you react that quickly? It’s not as if you knew that there’d be giant spikes, are you secretly an athlete or something like that? »
Suddenly incredibly nervous, he responds while sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck.
« Well, I was lucky, that’s all. That’s my talent after all, isn’t it? Luck?... It isn’t anything special, anyone could’ve done what I did. »
« Alright, thank you anyway, I guess. »
In any case, she doubts his answer just a tad. But she also remembers how he was before he lost his memory, always nice and trustworthy. He hadn’t betrayed her once. She could let this go, after all, it wasn’t as if she hadn’t hidden anything from him. It was partially her fault that they were in this situation in the first place, she hadn’t been able, or willing, to stop her sister. Sentimentality is no longer an obstacle; she’s going to make sure that he survives this horrible game.
Day 8
« You want to train with me?! »
Chihiro couldn’t help but smile and makoto seemed equally as happy.
« Yes! You’re always talking about how much you want to get stronger, but you never have a partner. »
« I would go by myself, but with monokuma’s threat of revealing all of our secrets…and I know that nobody has died! But I’m still scared of being all by myself. I don’t know if I trust anybody anymore…What if someone really decides to kill someone, just to protect their secret? I know that it’s a little silly to doubt my friends, but um… »
Their cheeks redden, suddenly embarrassed that they exposed themself like that.
« No chihiro! Your fears make total sense! » He reassures them, making placating motions with his hands.
« I know makoto, but thank you anyway, it’s good for the soul to be reassured from time to time. Ah makoto! I just thought of something! We should invite mondo! He’s my friend, plus he’s really strong, he could show us a thing or two about exercising! »
All of a sudden, makoto paled and proceeded to add, tripping over his words.
« Uh no, I d-don’t think that’s a good ide-I mean! It’s not possi-possible, yeah! That’s it! He told me that he’s spending the day with taka today! So, I don’t think we should bother him! »
Chihiro was a little worried by his reaction, but decided that he’s simply intimidated by mondo, he’s pretty jacked and super tall, after all.
« Alright, let’s go! We can go before nightfall, not that we really know what time it is with the windows bordered up and all that. »
Makoto smiled. « You’re right, let’s go to the gym. »
Day 9
Chihiro ventured through the school corridors, whistling a tune, with a pep in their step. Despite the circumstances, they had fun yesterday, trying to train with machines when neither of them knew a single thing about how to use those machines. The result was the most restful night that chihiro had had since they’d arrived at this school. While walking, they pass by mondo’s room. The door was partly opened and they see the brief image of makoto comforting mondo, who was crying. After their conversation with makoto the other day, chihiro can’t help but wonder, though they’re also uncertain if they’d want an answer to their questions.
Day 14
Completely void of energy, he hangs his head, releasing the pressure from his neck. Unfortunately, this only brings him a better view of the absolute disaster that he’s currently found himself in. He watches the blood run down and pool at his feet. It would be wrong to say that he’s never seen his own blood, he’s seen his blood countless times. There was the time that junko had knocked him out from behind with a good hit to the head, there wasn’t a ton of blood then, but enough to certainly have given him a concussion. After that, there was the time that he broke his left arm, for the fall from his execution had caused him to land on his arm. Thankfully, it had only given him a fractured arm and a couple dozen bruises. Even so, the amount of blood that had gushed out of his split veins and the little pieces of bone piercing his skin, had been enough to worsen the feeling of horror in kyoko’s eyes when she came to help him.
Compared to those instants, he hadn’t been so calm this time. It was one thing to see your own blood and another entirely, to instantly know that you’re about to die.
He’s grateful that there isn’t a mirror in the hallways, makoto really had no desire to see himself in this state, it would undoubtedly be grotesque. With his wrists pierced by giant scissors and his chest covered in stab wounds.
It was his fault, really, that he found himself in this situation, he should’ve predicted that something like this would happen without the second trial. But no, he had to try and befriend toko, so that this time she wouldn’t be so obsessed with byakuya, or at least would have a genuine friend. He hadn’t even considered that becoming friends with toko, would garner the attention, and respect, of genocider syo. She only killed boys she liked, after all.
Despite the overwhelming pain that seemed to permeate his entire body, filling every pore, it wasn’t the pain that brought tears to his eyes. It was the fact that despite his best efforts, he was dying in an empty hallway, in the middle of the afternoon no less. He had done everything in his power to prevent the deaths, the trials, the despair that had consumed them the first time around, but it wasn’t enough. He had been so glad that things were going so well, so happy to see all his friends alive…and it was one of them that brought him to a pathetic death. It’s embarrassing that he had ever believed that he could ever contribute something of importance, that he could have any impact. He was just an ordinary boy, incapable of doing anything, incapable of protecting his friends, even from themselves.
Miserably, he mutters to himself; “T-toko…”. It seemed like his heart was shattered into a million pieces, that his soul was ripped apart and stomped upon.
It’s like that that makoto died, clued to the wall like a cheap imitation of Jesus, covered in his own blood and tears rolling down his cheeks.
That time around, when makoto opened his eyes, he was expecting some sort of afterlife. But it was just the same classroom that he woke in before. He had originally thought that this was a new chance, a last chance at happiness. But it was clear that it wasn’t a gift, nor a choice, he would continue this cycle until he completed his goal…at least he hopes that’s the case. The only thing he can really do, is continue to try to stop the killing game and hope that this is the first and last time he is murdered. Even as this time around, it’s hard to look toko in the eye, similarly to how she used to look at him, like a threat to her safety.
Day 34 Day 17
Byakuya sat stiffly in his chair. The only other person in the cafeteria was kyoko, just as he had planned. Suddenly, kyoko turned to face him.
« What did you want to talk to me about? I don’t have all day. »
« Sharp as always, kyoko, and I have no doubt that you know exactly what I wanted to ask you. »
She hesitated for a moment.
« …Is it about makoto? »
He smirks.
« Exactly, I knew that you’d be the only one to notice. I have a theory, for which I would like your opinion, given that you are the only one in our class lacking bias. »
« Then I should inform you that, not only is your assumption incorrect, despite the fact that we’ve known each other for little under a month, I assure you that there is not one person in our class that holds a negative bias towards makoto, nobody that does not consider him a friend…that also includes you and I’m certain that you’re aware of that fact. »
Now visibly embarrassed, his cheeks redden and he avoids her gaze.
« You know what I meant! That you simply have a tendency to have more objectives opinions that are rooted in fact rather than emotion. Though, what you just mentioned, in fact, is part of my theory! »
« Really. » She responds, completely expressionless.
« Yes, the entire class have talents that accorded them a place in this school, Sayaka is a famous singer, chihiro is an acclaimed programmer, you’re a reputable detective, even the absolute buffoon, hifumi, is a renowned artist of sorts. How is it possible that makoto was able to befriend the entire class? With his talent? With the abstract concept of luck? I don’t believe it. »
He took her silence as an invitation to continue.
« I think that he lied to us, that his talent isn’t luck, but something else. »
« I admit that I’ve never given it much thought before, have you always gotten this impression? »
« Of course not, at first, it was evident that his talent matched him perfectly. He seemed like a normal student, given the ‘talent’ of ‘luck’ so that the school could justify an act of charity. It was almost pitiful how ordinary he was. »
« And your point? »
« If he was as average as I had originally thought, he wouldn’t have the strange ability to diffuse any given stressful situation, to stay so optimistic, to stay composed in all types of situations and befriend even the most unwilling…someone ordinary would’ve crumbled under all the pressure he seems to bear, someone average wouldn’t have been able to anticipate the attack on junko and save her. »
« While it’s true that he seems to perform well in strange and stressful situations, do you really believe that he anticipated the attack? It’s possible that he was simply, as he already explained to junko, lucky. »
« Really? Even the athletes of the class, who were closer to her and have better reflexes, didn’t react in time. It’s a lot more probable that he anticipated it, even a second before and an ordinary citizen wouldn’t be capable of that, not one with clear intentions, at least… »
« And I suppose that your point is that he’s not as ordinary as we think. That he possesses a secret talent that allows him to do exploits that we couldn’t possibly anticipate. »
« Exactly, I still have no idea why he would keep this from us, but I’m certain that he’s hiding something. What is your opinion on the matter? »
« The idea merits contemplation, certainly, but I believe that you’re headed into the wrong direction with your theory and that your proof is, at best, circumstantial. It’s not a very solid case. »
« So, you’re dismissing it. »
« No, I simply believe that you should focus less on the implication that makoto has some sort of secret agenda and more on the strange reality that we’ve been here for nearly a month with every reason to kill each other and that not one single murder has been committed. »
Her words leave him speechless; she suddenly gets up from her seat and makes her way to the entrance of the cafeteria.
« Wait! Where are you going? »
« I’m off to play cards with celestia and makoto, maybe you should get to know him better instead of theorizing by yourself, you could even have some fun. »
Day 35 Day 18
Every now and then, makoto gives himself the right to be proud of himself. He received another chance at life and another after that, and so far, it hasn’t been wasted. So far, nobody's dead, nobody is consumed by their grief and none of them are living in isolation due to fear.
Of course, that doesn’t protect him from his insecurities creeping up on him. The first time, he’d found himself with an attachment to all his classmates, even if a good chunk of them had manipulated him, and a profound friendship with the five other survivors by necessity. The second time, he had naively dropped his guard, which had only led him to a pitiful death. Now, despite everything, he loves them all again and is very eager at the prospect of befriending them without having to examine their corpses or witness their murders. Makoto talked to them all regularly and always tried to lift the moral.
But it might not be enough. Despite his personal feelings and the importance, they all have in his heart, it doesn’t necessarily mean that any of them feel the same about him. To them, it’s entirely possible that he could just be some stranger that bothers them every day. After all, they have no clue that they used to know each other and that he’s independently stopped every attempt at murder. It’s even possible, that they’ve never considered him a friend, that the first time, they had only interacted with him either to kill him, to manipulate him or just tolerated his presence to end the killings. It’s like how toko had ran from his dying body the moment that syo had disappeared. He hadn’t been able to see her expression, but the fact that she had hurried away without even trying to help him, without hesitation, while he genuinely thought that they were friends, broke his heart.
Since that’s the case, if there are no more killings and thus, no real reason to associate with him, can he even call them his friends? Would they help him if the occasion presented itself? He doesn’t like to feed the idea, but his thoughts betray him. A prime example of this, is his most recent nightmare.
Junko had killed someone and had somehow found a way to pin the blame on him. All the evidence points to him, the entire class thinks he’s the culprit, in their eyes, he’s their only option. Suddenly, it becomes a perfect recreation of his most traumatising memory.
He has two options, be executed or use his knowledge to pin the blame on someone else, despite the fact that he knows that they’re also innocent. Every time, without fail, he decides to sacrifice himself. Frozen in fear on that chair, traveling backwards thanks to the conveyor belt and trembling violently every time that the trash compactor slams behind him, he remembers the first time. The first time that he had found himself in this situation, it had been reality, alter ego had stopped the compactor at the very last second, allowing him to fall directly unto a pile of trash and receive only a few injuries, the minimum amount of damage to his spine and a broken arm.
At this point in his dream, he lets himself be reassured that he’ll survive this experience, damaged but alive. But that’s never the case. Sometimes he’s simply crushed by the trash compactor, other times, he misses the pile of trash and dies on impact as he hits the concrete. But the worst, are those in which he finds himself in that pile of trash, once again, unable to move without worsening his injuries and lacking food and water. Though, this time, kyoko never comes and he dies slowly from a mix of dehydration, famine and blood loss, all while believing that she’ll arrive to save him, up to the very end.
Those aren’t his only nightmares, only the most prominent. Sometimes, he dreams that hifumi knocks him from behind instead of taka or that sayaka stabs him in the stomach. But what stops him from simply dismissing them as dreams caused by nervousness, is just how incredibly vivid they all are. Every now and again, he can’t help but wonder if they aren’t truly dreams…but memories. After all, every single dream never fails to end without some sort of brain damage or hallucinations due to blood loss. He doesn’t like to entertain the idea, but he also naively believed that none of his classmates would ever kill him…maybe it has more merit than he originally thought. Maybe the incident with syo wasn’t his first death, maybe there were many times before that, maybe something altered his perception of reality or his memory, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time that something like that happened to him. Isn’t that a morbid thought? The idea that he failed so many times that the memories of his failures become only nightmares?
Despite everything, he knows that nothing would bring him more joy, than to see his friends free and happy. If there was even the slightest chance that he could make that wish a reality, he would.
Day 37 Day 20
“Hey sakura!”
Sakura turned around and noticed that it was makoto who had called out to her. He was running towards her at full speed.
“Yes? What do you need makoto?”
He came to a halt before her and took a second to catch his breath.
“I just wanted to talk to you, if you have the time, of course!”
“It’s alright, I was about to join hina for a cup of tea. But I have a few minutes to spare.”
Makoto was visibly relieved.
“Alright, I won’t keep you for very long, I’m certain that you wouldn’t want to make hina wait.”
He takes a deep breath and looked her straight in the eyes.
“Sakura, I want to know if you accepted monokuma’s offer to be a spy.”
She froze in place and looked at him, stunned, completely speechless. Noticing her shock and her lack of response, he continues.
“It’s not what you think! It’s just that… » He looks around them cautiously, before continuing. “Monokuma had offered me the position, I didn’t accept it, of course! But he had used my family against me as hostages… I know that I didn’t accept, but my situation is unique to me and I couldn’t help but wonder if someone else had accepted, the position of spy, of traitor…”
Sakura tried to keep her cool and answered slowly and evenly.
“And what tells you that I was the one who took the position?”
“Process of elimination, if I’m honest. I tried to figure it out by analyzing the other’s behaviors, the only person I’m not sure of yet, is you.”
He holds her gaze.
“From what you’ve told me about your life before this whole mess, there’s a lot that you cherish and wouldn’t risk any harm. But I also know, that if you did accept the position, you’ve already rejected it.”
That’s what made her lose her composure, she blurted out.
“How did you know that I-“
She stopped, embarrassed by how much information she had already revealed. Makoto only gave her a kind smile.
« I knew, because there haven’t been any murders, any serious injuries. I knew, because for the same reason that you originally accepted it, you also abandoned it. The only reason you would accept a position like that, is to protect those closest to you. I knew because you care about us, because you love us. I know from the way you always make sure there are donuts available in the kitchen for hina. I see it in the number of times you’ve stopped fights before someone could get hurt. It’s obvious in the way you speak softly, like you’re afraid of scaring someone.”
Sakura looked at him, stunned.
“What are you saying, why tell me any of this?”
He laughed a little, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly.
“Oh, I suppose that I really deviated from what I wanted to say, sorry...”
He gave her a reassuring smile.
“I just wanted to say, that its certain that monokuma will use the fact that you originally agreed, against you as a motive. When that day comes, don’t worry, I'll be on your side, you can count on me!”
“T-thank you makoto...”
Makoto seemed to realize something all of a sudden.
“Oh my god! This conversation went on for a lot longer than I thought it would, I won’t keep you from hina any longer! Bye!”
And with that, he ran towards the stairs, leaving sakura behind, unsure of what had just occurred.
Day 54 Day 37
Once again, makoto finds himself before the enormous gate, holding the button, the key to their freedom, firmly in his hands. This time, there are 15 survivors. Junko still died, but at this point he reasons that it would have done more harm than good to try to save her, especially if there was no hope she’d change. He accomplished his goal, he saved them all, even if this time junko had tried to kill him plenty more times than before for having ruined her plans.
With some reassurance from the other survivors, he presses the red button. A part of him still fears that everything will restart, that this cycle will repeat itself for eternity or until he loses all trace of sanity. He’d like to be able to say that this fear is irrational, but he still has no idea how he managed to rewind time to begin with. It’s always a possibility that this is somehow junko’s fault, an alternative way to make him lose all hope. Every second that it takes for the gate to open is unbearable. Makoto can’t help but hold his breath (a bad habit of his when he’s preparing for the worst, be it the first or third time that they try to kill him. Sometimes, he can still hear the sound of the trash compactor or the creak of scissors behind him).
The entrance is open, he sees demolished buildings, a ruined lawn, dried blood staining the sidewalk and a clear and distinct lack of visible life. It’s definitely what he should’ve focused on, but he couldn’t help but notice the shining sun, the big blue sky and the gentle wind. Even the stale, toxic air feels unbelievably fresh in his desperate mind. The pure relief he feels in that moment is positively overwhelming. He couldn’t help but collapse onto the ground, tears streaming down his face.
Kyoko, like the rest of her classmates, still held unto the hope that the tragedy was nothing but bold face lies to convince them to stay in that god-awful school. When the outside was revealed to be nothing like they remembered and everything that she had described, she wasn’t quite sure how to react.
However, the moment that makoto fell to the ground, she immediately began to panic. She wasn’t alone, the entire class immediately flew into action, flocking him. You see, makoto had always seemingly acted as a pillar of emotional strength, giving hope to us all and bringing optimism to the table no matter the situation or the circumstances. She’s certain that her classmates hold the same fear as her, that one day he loses all hope.
It seemed like that wasn’t the case, yes, he was crying but he was also grinning and chuckling, muttering under his breath something along the lines of; « It worked! I did it! I did it! »
They all froze, even byakuya looked shell shocked, nobody, save for hina seemed to have any idea what to do. She bent down and gently rubbed his back, after a few seconds more of sniffling and awkward glances shared between the class, makoto got up. He wiped away his tears in an almost practiced gesture and took a deep breath. Kyoko looked at him, brows creased and asked him;
« Are you alright? What happened? »
Visibly anxious, he seemed to hesitate before answering with his trademark smile.
« Don’t worry, I’ve never been better! I’m just happy that we finally escaped! Honestly, I think that reaction was completely warranted. Actually, are you alright? Are you in shock? »
I suppose it could’ve been a reaction of relief, but it seemed to be a little too intense for such a thing. Makoto has never been one to shed tears in high stress situations, but perhaps this is an exception. Kyoko thought to herself, she wanted to probe but was uncertain on how to aboard the subject after that display of emotions, she put it off to another day.
At the end of the day, they all left the prison of a school they’d been trapped in. Venturing into the city, finding no trace of life, simply a few cemeteries and ruined buildings. Despite their numbers, they stuck together.
Later, in the glow of the camp fire they had started, to keep warm during the night and appease the paranoia that still followed them, kyoko watched her classmates with pity. For once in her life, being plagued with the occasional bout of insomnia was a blessing. She had no desire to be laying in the grass, plagued by nightmares that made her whimper and tremble. She looked at chihiro, byakuya and mukuro, who were awake as well, but decidedly for different reasons. If their eyes fixed unto the flames, empty of any emotion but clearly agitated, was any proof. As if they were trapped in a nightmare with their eyes wide open.
This experience was, at its worst, traumatizing. Stuck in a situation with no exit, without any privacy, always burdened by the fear of being murdered, escaping near death experiences by the skin of my teeth. To add to that, discovering that the strangers that you’d tentatively befriended were once the people you cherished the most in the world. Finally, learning that you’d lost your memory, that the world had known a genocide, that your family was most likely dead and that one of your old friends had orchestrated everything, simply because she wished to see you die a horrible death.
Of course, things could’ve certainly been worse and they had known moments of camaraderie, but it was still a horrible experience. This is why makoto’s reaction made no sense to her. He always held on to the hope that the worse would never come to pass, then why was he so happy that the world was thrown into chaos?
Maybe byakuya was right, he’s hiding something from us. But honestly, I doubt that it’s anything world-changing, definitely nothing that still bothers him, it’s probably something embarrassing, like the secret that he wet the bed in the past. She thought to herself. She would certainly discover it if she tried, she wouldn’t be a good detective without a little perseverance. But it’s just that, there doesn’t seem to be any reason for her to pry if there isn’t any risk to him or others. Besides, the last thing kyoko would’ve thought that makoto kept hidden, was a secret that would change her comprehension of life itself.
Day 60 Day 43
Makoto glanced at the darkened space between the pieces of wood who were attempting to cover the window of a decrepit building. The space was just wide enough for makoto and chihiro to squeeze inside, so that’s the reason they’d been chosen for the role of scavengers. Chihiro had slipped through the pieces to enter the abandoned home in search of food or other useful objects. Makoto had wanted to join them but there needed to be someone to keep an eye out for the fanatics who wore monokuma masks. He’s grateful that sakura’s with them, surviving outside of hope’s peak without her would’ve undoubtedly been harder than he could’ve imagined. It was as if there was an epidemic of junko’s bloodthirsty followers in the area, so it was important that they be cautious and occasionally move their base of operations.
Makoto observed his surroundings thoroughly, glancing occasionally at the building. All of a sudden, chihiro emerged from the gap between the planks of wood. Holding a couple cans, they left the building slowly and carefully, making an effort to be as silent as possible. Chihiro surveilled the area quickly and let out a breath of relief when they spotted makoto not too far away. Chihiro approached him from behind and extended a hand towards his back to touch his shoulder and alert him of their presence without making too much noise. But before they could say anything, the moment that their hand made contact with his shoulder, makoto flinched violently. His entire body reacted, folding into itself as if it was protecting itself from an attack.
Startled, chihiro took a step back and hesitantly spoke.
« Ma-makoto, um, it’s me… »
Instantly, makoto turned around with an easygoing smile, as if nothing had happened.
« Ah, chihiro, did you find something? »
« Y-yes! » Chihiro exclaimed enthusiastically, displaying the cans. « I found some beans! There even my favorite kind! »
« Awesome! » Makoto seemed just as excited. « We’re going to have a good supper tonight! »
With that, they returned on the path back to camp, having already searched enough buildings and a few to search the next day. Side by side, they journeyed together in the fading light of day. Nervously, chihiro asked makoto;
« Makoto, is everything alright with you? »
He dismissed their worries.
« Of course, actually, things have never been better! »
Chihiro accepted the answer reluctantly and avoided bringing up the subject again during the rest of their walk.
Later, when kyoko interrogated them on their efficiency and any incidents that might’ve occurred, chihiro couldn’t help but remember that incident, the one makoto refused to admit occurred.
« Well, there was something, nothing too important but even so…I’m worried… »
Kyoko encouraged them to elaborate.
« What happened? »
The first thing kyoko did that night, was make a mental list of every strange thing that makoto had ever done and any other detail that she could recall that could give her even just a clue as to what he might be hiding.
Since the very beginning, he vehemently opposed junko’s killing game, engaging in passionate arguments with his classmates, always against the opinion to follow even one single instruction that monokuma gave them. To add to that, he seems to have a sixth sense for dangerous situations, if the incident with mukuro was any example. It’s entirely possible that there are more, but kyoko wouldn’t know where to start looking for that information. In fact, she would’ve accused him of being junko’s accomplice if she hadn’t witnessed all of her attempts to kill him. Every time junko became more and more enraged and desperate, even attacking him at breakfast, without any plan. It’s clear that junko considered him an enemy, or, in her own words;
« A little cockroach that bit my heel and refuses to die no matter how many times I think I’ve squashed him! »
That moment, the moment that he broke down in joyous tears. She thought that she had all the pieces to solve the puzzle that makoto had become, but the full product never came to mind. But now, a new piece had introduced itself. He had an aversion to touch, or more specifically, from what chihiro had told her, an aversion to physical contact that he doesn’t initiate himself. The second option seemed much more plausible, for she had observed that makoto regularly initiated physical contact, be it a high five, a hug, a reassuring hand on your shoulder or simply platonic hand-holding. There was no doubt that makoto was a very affectionate person and wouldn’t hesitate to physically reassure someone if given the chance, but it suddenly occurred to her that there were also examples for the reverse of the situation. He always evades mondo’s clap on the back, he always avoids leon’s attempts to sling an arm around his shoulders and he always seems to be conveniently busy when hina is in the mood to casually give hugs.
Maybe byakuya was right, but if that was the case, it answers none of her questions. What is makoto hiding? Did he lie about his talent? If so, then what is his talent? The only thing that she could be sure of, is that what makoto has been hiding from them was preventing him from truly letting down his guard. If this continued, there was a high probability that it would become detrimental to his mental health and she couldn’t imagine ignoring all of this if there was an opportunity to prevent future hardships from burdening him. Kyoko spent the rest of the night ruminating, resolving to consulting her classmates the next morning.
Day 61 Day 44
« You think that he’s hiding something? Makoto? I know that he’s not always the most willing to talk about himself, but I don’t think that he’s keeping a secret so dire! » Chihiro exclaimed.
Kyoko nodded, having already consulted byakuya, mukuro, sayaka, toko, celestia and even hiro. They all had similar reactions and none of their information revealed anything new.
« Yes, I’m certain that he’s hiding something, but not the slightest idea on what it could be or his intentions. I’ve pondered this without any result. I was wondering if you could think of more instances of peculiar behavior on his part. »
There was a moment of silence while chihiro processed her words, looking pensive.
« No, sorry, I can’t think of anything. But…and I know that this a simple solution, but maybe you could simply ask him? »
« I’ve thought of that, there simply is no guarantee that he’ll tell me the truth. »
« So, all that you need is a way to guarantee that makoto isn’t lying…Leave it to me! I’ll make you a lie detector, or well, a program that does the trick, I am a programmer after all! »
Kyoko smiled politely.
« …Thank you chihiro, I appreciate it. »
Day 67 Day 50
It was noon, the sun shone directly above the bench that makoto was sitting on. He had promised to meet his classmates at this spot, when the sun was high in the sky.
After they had escaped from hope’s peak, they had fallen into a familiar routine. The day, they separated to explore the area, often in groups, to try to find any other survivors, food and tools. At night, they regrouped around a camp fire or in an abandoned house.
Makoto had never been this happy, they were all free, they were all friends and they were all alive. He couldn’t imagine a scenario which could ruin this absolute fantasy of a situation that he had found himself in the center.
It’s probably this type of thinking that prevented makoto from considering that his classmates were also paying attention to him, worried for him and wanting to help. So, when the entire class arrived and kyoko told him;
« I know that you’re hiding something. Tell us the truth, don’t lie to me, we’ll know. Chihiro has developed a program to verify your sincerity. »
He really didn’t see it coming.
Chihiro approached him timidly to hook him up to a machine who was connected to their computer. While sakura stood beside him, blocking all attempts at escape. He doesn’t have a choice but to answer to their demands.
Confronted by the question makoto had never planned to answer, he’s uncertain how to proceed. If he doesn’t answer, it’s possible that they’ll lose all trust in him and if he lies, then the program with detect it. But…if he tells them the truth, what’ll happen? His head is spontaneously bombarded by scenario after scenario, none of them ending well. He just wanted to preserve the happy ending that he worked to tirelessly to create. Then again, he doesn’t like the idea of lying to his friends, if he lost their trust…would he die again? Maybe, revealing his secret wouldn’t cancel out all of their progress, at this point? It isn’t like he needs to reveal them everything, maybe he could just disclose something a little less significant and avoid their negative reactions?
Kyoko chose that very moment to start her interrogation.
« Do you have something you’re hiding from us? »
He hesitated before answering.
“…Yes.”
Chihiro, with their head buried into their computer, nodded to confirm his sincerity. Incredulous, mukuro asked him.
« Is it something dangerous? »
« No! »
Byakuya cut in.
« Is your secret, the fact that you lied on the subject of your ultimate talent? »
« Well, no, not really…
(He remembers his first life and the moment that kyoko had turned towards him, after another murder, another long trial to discover the murderer and trying to survive, she had told him that she no longer believed that his talent was luck, but rather hope. Personally, he didn’t believe that it suited him, but the title had gained some traction among the survivors.)
…Not on purpose, my talent is luck but an…old friend, had once told me that she thought hope suited me better. »
Chihiro nodded and byakuya looked contemplative.
« What is your secret then? » Sayaka asked him.
Makoto avoided her gaze, suddenly panicking.
« It’s not that important, it doesn’t even affect you all that much… »
« He’s lying! » Chihiro noted. Instantly, taka started to reprimand him.
« Makoto! It’s not very honorable to hide secrets from your friends! »
Mukuro seemed worried.
« Why is it so difficult to tell us what it is? »
Toko added.
« Yeah, I-is it s-so difficult t-to tell us? It’s that you h-hate me that’s it! »
« N-no! It’s just that, I never thought I’d ever tell this to anyone and I don’t want to risk ruining the friendships I’ve made with each and every one of you… »
Sakura attempted to reassure him.
« Makoto, I’m sure that there is nothing that you could say that would deteriorate our friendships. The only thing that could do the deed, is if you continue to lie to us. »
After a moment, he made his decision. Makoto took a deep breath and looked kyoko in the eyes, gathering his courage.
« This is not the first time that I’ve met you all… »
There was a long awkward silence, chihiro stared at the computer with wide eyes. The group, who all looked stunned, turned their attention towards chihiro for verification. Trembling lightly, chihiro lifted their head and answered.
« He’s not l-lying. »
Mondo stared at him, eyes lighting up in realization.
« So that’s how you knew…all of those things about me-about us! »
Byakuya looked incredulous.
« So, you remember the time before the tragedy!? »
Makoto folded into himself involuntarily, like a turtle retreating into their shell.
« Not exactly… »
Hina encouraged him to continue, despite her obvious worry.
« So, what did you mean? »
Silently, he muttered timidly. It was almost impossible to hear what he was saying unless you were paying close attention to his words, unfortunately, nobody missed his next words.
« It’s…It’s just, not the first time that I’ve found myself in this situation-trying to escape this killing game… »
Toko seemed to look genuinely horrified.
« S-stop t-talking as if you’re a p-protagonist in a f-fantasy novel! As if you t-time t-traveled! »
When he fails to respond, chihiro tried their best to clarify the situation.
« You-you didn’t time travel, right makoto? »
He avoids their watchful eyes and stares at his shoes, while chihiro only looked more and more scared.
« Makoto? Yes or no, did you travel through time? »
After a moment of emotionally charged silence, he responds.
« …Yes. »
Surprised beyond belief, kyoko asked him one last question.
« So, your peculiar reaction to the gate opening…was due to your ability to time travel?! »
Still a little uncomfortable, but fueled by a sudden surge of confidence due to the pure relief of no longer having to carry such a heavy secret, he replies nonchalantly.
« I guess you’re right, I’m not that proud of how much I cried, but I guess I was just happy to not have to restart everything from the start again. Besides, this life is definitely infinitely better than before! »
Kyoko narrowed her eyes at the declaration.
« What do you mean by that? »
His nervousness returns.
« Uhhhhh, it’s just that, um, before I traveled through time, we weren’t in the best of situations… »
Chihiro looked horrified.
« Makoto what happened before you…time traveled? »
Makoto fiddled with his fingers nervously while answering.
« Uh, nothing too out-there…just that, that time around, I wasn’t able to stop junko’s game as early as this time. »
Mukuro had a realization.
« So, even from the very beginning, you knew the identity of the mastermind, you knew my true identity and you still helped me…Makoto, would I be dead if you hadn’t pulled me by the shirt? »
His silence was all the answer she needed. Her face twisted into an expression of fear and disgust, she looked absolutely nauseated. Makoto didn’t waste a second before jumping to reassure her.
« It’s alright mukuro, I know that she betrayed you, that you only helped her because she was your sister. Besides, the first time that I met you all, you all became my dear friends. There’s no doubt in my mind that I would do anything to assure your survival! That includes you, you know. »
Mukuro didn’t answer. Toko looked at him skeptically.
« W-what do you mean b-by the f-first time!? »
« Um, well it’s been at least the third time that I’ve woken up in this sordid school… »
Byakuya concluded.
« So, you’ve time traveled twice already. »
Makoto nodded. Sayaka, still curious, asked him;
« Can you time travel at will? »
« No, I don’t really know how I do it, only that it activates after specific circumstances. »
Kyoko encouraged him to elaborate.
« What are the circumstances? »
« Just escaping without certain criteria! »
Chihiro gave him a look.
« …And my…death… »
Nobody had an answer to that. But the conversation wasn’t over, just temporarily interrupted when chihiro abandoned their computer to approach makoto. Chihiro opened their arms in an invitation for a hug and silently asked for permission. Makoto nodded slowly, while also verbally saying the opposite.
« Chihiro, there’s really no reason for a hug, it’s not worth the effort. »
But chihiro still engulfed him in their arms, holding him tightly and burying their head into their shoulder.
« Don’t try to convince me that I should just ignore everything you just said! I’m your friend! You just told us that you’ve died! And after all that, you still decided to help us… » Chihiro let a few tears escape their eyes. « Thank you for saving me, for saving us… »
Makoto returned the gesture with a gentle smile, even as he starts to tremble slightly.
« Of course, I would save you all, I would do it again and again and again and again and again if I needed to.”
Byakuya sat around the roaring fire and glanced at the sleeping body near him, makoto’s. He looked so peaceful, sleeping more peacefully than he can ever recall someone slumbering. It was impossible to view him in the same light, now that he knew that he was technically the most extraordinary member of their class. He had always been kind, confident, determined and perseverant. But the idea that every odd choice or strange decision was all for the sake of preventing their deaths and…his own death. Makoto hadn’t directly admitted to it, but it was obvious that people had died in those other timelines. He hadn’t mentioned who either, just that mukuro hadn’t escaped that incident with monokuma without injury. It’s even possible that he himself had died. The thought that this nightmare of an experience had been a hundred times worse for one of the most cheerful members of the class, left him speechless.
Byakuya observes the rest of his conscious classmates, there were more than usual. It’s a definite indicator of how much makoto must’ve altered, if this number of people are unable to sleep simply because of his words. There is the usual, kyoko, mukuro, chihiro. But there is also sayaka, mondo, celestia, toko, aoi and sakura. Even those who are asleep, don’t sleep peacefully. Their faces are deformed into troubled expressions, far from peaceful.
How did he manage to accomplish such a feat? How is it possible that makoto had prevented their deaths, built friendships and stopped junko’s killing game, all while making sure that nobody knew of his secret? It’s disconcerting, the idea that makoto, who was one of the worst liars he knew, accomplished such a feat. The only reasonable explanation, is that he was so honest, so sincere, that he never seemed untrustworthy, even as he hid something. Byakuya doesn’t like to give anyone the benefit of the doubt, but he had to admit, makoto was undoubtedly the best person he knew.
Hope, the talent that somebody had proposed as his actual talent. At first, it had seemed like a ridiculous proposal, but the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Having survived a mutual killing game to the end? Maybe hope fueled him? Accidently time travelling and saving your classmates from horrible deaths? How would he have done that without hope? Having the strength to live like nothing had happened after dying? Who would be able to accomplish that without having hope that everything was worth the pain? Creating a new future despite how desperate and despairing the situation becomes? He had done that, since he held onto the hope that things would improve if we all worked together.
Maybe hope really was his actual ultimate talent?
It’s true that time travelling, was nothing but pure chance, but to do everything that makoto had accomplished…That requires hope.