Work Text:
Severus Snape could count the worst days of his life on one hand. The day he got the dark mark, the day his best friend died, the day he killed Dumbledore, and May 2, 1998, the day he swore he would die. Those were the days he would never forget no matter how hard he tried to.
He was never an optimistic child. His father taught him that hope was a weakness. He taught him to take what the universe gave him and shut up. So he did. He received every hand the universe dealt him and kept his mouth shut.
Though As cruel as the universe appeared, It seemed like it didn't want him dead. And at first, Severus didn't know how to feel about it. That he got to live but Fred Weasley, Remus Lupin and his wife didn't, leaving behind an orphan baby. He got to live and so many innocent people didn't.
It never seemed fair to him, it just felt cruel.
After the war, he spent more time inside his mind healer's office than he did in his own home. He decided it was time to seek help. Now exactly twenty years later, at 58, he was a completely different person than he was back then but the guilt and hurt didn't subside.
He told himself he deserved it. This is his punishment instead of death. Death would be too fast, too easy, too insufficient.
May 2, 2018.
He did everything that week to take his mind off it. Longer hours in his potions lab and picking up old hobbies he gave up -- like knitting and gardening. Now there was a small calico cat inside his home with two new sweaters and on his sofa was a badly knitted blanket -- if he could even call it that. He did everything he could to stop thinking about it but the day still came no matter how hard he tried to avoid it.
It was currently three in the morning and he couldn't sleep. He quietly slipped out of bed after spending hours staring at his husband's sleeping form and trying not to think what if.
If you had told Severus he would be married to the wizarding world's beloved golden boy twenty years ago he would've hexed you or have you admitted to the Janus Thickey ward at St Mungo's.
But After twelve years of marriage, Severus wouldn't have it any other way. Harry was one of the few, if not the only person, who ever saw good in him -- good he himself didn't even know he had. He completed him and gave him purpose. He made Severus want to be and do better every day. Including today.
He knew it would be a hard day for both of them and he wanted to give Harry that bit of peace before he woke up and had to face reality so he slipped out of bed, careful not to wake him up, and headed towards the living room.
He sat at a little nook overlooking the backyard of his home that led into a vast forest. The sun would be coming up soon and along with it, his husband. And not soon after, he would hear the pitter-patter of small feet walking down the corridor asking for some wild combination of food that can't even be considered breakfast.
He has everything he's ever wanted. He's happy and every other synonym out there but he can't stop thinking that he doesn't deserve it.
His head rested against the window and closed his eyes, thinking about his journey to the point where he is now. He had a beautiful home and an even more beautiful family. His home smelled of vanilla and cookies that he baked the night before. It was a bit chilly but that's because he liked it hot and his husband liked it cold so they compromised.
He was lucky. That was the only word for it.
"Daddy?"
His eyes snapped open and they were met with similar dark sleepy ones. His son walked towards him, one hand holding a small bear and the other slowly rubbing at his eyes. Severus shifted himself on the seat and opened his arms for the little boy. He sat him on his lap, resting on his chest, and planted a soft kiss on his forehead.
His son Dorian was the spitting image of him. From the same long black hair that he refused to let them cut because he wanted to look like his Daddy, to the dark muddy brown eyes. His daughter on the other hand was more Harry than him. From the same wild curly hair to the green eyes, but she would no doubt have Severus' nose.
"What's the matter? Can't sleep?"
He shook his head in response, "Was gonna go to your room but I saw the light and came here instead."
"Did you have a nightmare?"
"Yeah," he heard a small sigh and hugged the boy closer. "Did you have a nightmare?"
"I did too, Bug," Severus said.
"Do you wanna talk 'bout it?"
Severus chuckled and hugged the boy tighter against him. "I'm quite alright, love. Did you wanna talk about yours?"
"Uh uh," He shook his head slowly. "Can I sleep in your bed?"
And how could Severus say no to that? He carried the six-year-old back to his room. He felt a pang in his chest thinking about just how heavy he was getting because he's growing up. And soon enough, Severus wouldn't be able to carry him anymore.
He slowly opened the door and saw Harry stirring in bed before opening his eyes. "Sev?"
"Yes love, it's me," Severus couldn't help but smile.
"And Dorian," the little boy in his arms piped up, making him chuckle. Harry sat up on the bed, turning on the bedside lamp, and putting on his glasses. He ruffled the bird's nest on his head he called hair, moving it out of his face before opening his arms for his son.
"Hi baby," he smiled at the six-year-old before looking up at Severus. "Did he have a nightmare?"
"I did, Papa. And so did Daddy."
Harry turned to look at him while moving the duvet to tuck Dorian in. "Are you okay?"
Severus did his best to smile and make it look genuine while running his hands through his hair. "I am. Just today, you know? I'm gonna go check on Lily."
Harry nodded, reaching his hand for Severus who grabbed it and softly planted a kiss on it before exiting the room to check on their daughter.
He found the three-year-old fast asleep in her new "big girl" bed. He gently picked her up before making his way back to his bedroom. He tucked her in next to her brother before squeezing in and grabbing Harry's hand in his once again.
The two laid quietly listening to Dorian talk about what he wanted to do for his birthday that was eight months away until the soft voice grew quieter and quieter until it was replaced by soft snoring.
Harry's hand never left him, their intertwined fingers rested on top of the duvet and their two children. Severus could see outside the window that the sun would be up soon and he would have to go through the day. He wasn't alone though. Not anymore.
"Sev?"
"Yes, darling?"
"I love you so much."
"And I, you," Severus said, squeezing harry's hand wishing he could bring it up to kiss it. "What about you? How are you feeling today?"
It was quiet for a while. Severus couldn't see Harry's face on the other side of the bed but he waited patiently for an answer.
"I don't know yet. I just can't believe it's been twenty years."
"It doesn't feel like it does it?" Severus asked.
"Not really, but I'm glad we're where we are right now."
Severus was beyond glad for whatever higher power decided that he didn't need to die that day and gave him his family. Twenty years later, it still hurt like a fresh wound but he wasn't alone anymore. He would never have to be alone again.
He sat up on the bed to take a better look at his husband. Harry's eyes were opened as he stared at the ceiling, his right hand holding Severus' and the other slowly stroking Dorian's hair.
Severus was so damn lucky.
He reached forward, doing his best not to hurt his children, and gently grabbed Harry's jaw, turning his head. Green eyes bore into his own and Harry smiled at him. Severus' heart did a flutter he was all too familiar with by now. Even in the dim lighting, his beauty was unmatched.
Harry leaned forward and Severus got the hint and inched closer until their lips touched and Harry whispered, "We'll get through today. We always do."
They always did.