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Lan Wangji woke up with a fond smile on his lips. Most of the days he was often quick to be out of bed, but he was extra fast that morning. He was already dressed up and pampered for the day even before the sun had risen, and by 6AM he was already at his kitchen laying down breakfast for him and his teenage son.
“Good morning, Baba!” The 17-year-old greeted as he entered the dining room. Lan Wangji’s lips quirked to show a small yet sweet smile to his son. “Good morning, A-Yuan.” He answered.
The father and son had taken their time to set and prepare themselves for breakfast. Both had made sure to wash their hands and set the breakfast table into a picture-perfect setup. Lan Wangji patted his table napkin down his lap before looking over at his son. He nodded quietly, a sign for the two to start eating their breakfast.
“What time will you be home?” Lan Wangji asked after swallowing his first bite and before drinking a bit of his water. Lan Sizhui replied, “I’m guessing a little after 6, Baba. The practice for graduation won't end until 5 and Jingyi’s been asking me to come with him to try out a new coffee shop right across the campus.”
Lan Wangji only nodded as he took another bite.
“Will you be meeting A-Die, today?” Lan SIzhui asked with a teasing smile his Baba had always known he had inherited from his A-Die. Lan Wangji nodded with the smallest hint of a smile on his lips. “Ah, that explains the blue shirt.” His son added, giggling before taking in another bite. Lan Wangji simply nodded as he continued on with his breakfast.
Lan Wangji’s wardrobe had the reputation of being notoriously blinding with pure serenities of whites, creams, and beige. He liked blue as well but he often reserves that color for special occasions. And Wei Ying would often tease him whenever he sees him wearing white. Saying it looked like he was mourning at a funeral or something. Thus, the blue shirt.
Plus, he had always considered spending the day with Wei Ying as a special occasion.
The two finished their breakfast and before the clock struck 8 that morning, Lan Wangji was already back home after sending Sizhui to school. He had already made sure to inform his secretary last night about his absence today, reason why he was in no rush to drive to work before 9 AM.
A hum was playing between his lips as vacuumed the living room carpet. He decided to do a little bit of cleaning before preparing for his date with Wei Ying. It was almost high noon when he decided that the entire house was satisfyingly clean enough for him, considering even the walls were literally sparkling at that point. He huffed a short breath of satisfaction before taking the short walk to his office.
As he entered his office, his phone rang a silent tune similar to the one he had been humming to all day. He picked up the phone as he walked over to his desk.
“Xiong zhang.” Lan Wangji greeted with a tender tone to his voice.
“Wangji, good morning. I heard you took a leave, are you meeting with A-Xian today?” Lan Xichen said on the other side of the line. His smile, although unseen by Lan Wangji, was evident enough through his voice.
“Mn. We’re having a picnic today.” Lan Wangji answered with a fond look in his eyes. The way the corners of his lips shift up for a tiny fraction and the sparkles littered across his eyes were clear indicators of how excited he was.
“Really? Then don’t forget to bring Wei Wuxian’s favorite wine. And tell him I’ll come by to visit him soon as well, okay?” Lan Wangji nodded his head in response to his brother, completely aware of the fact that the other would not be able to see him do so. But regardless, “Then, I won’t take any more of your time. Go ahead and prepare for your date. If you need anything just call me okay?” Lan Xichen continued, giggling as he did.
Lan Wangji had nodded his head once again before humming a small “Mn.” of agreement in response. They bid their goodbyes and soon after, the call had ended. Lan Wangji’s eyes were now focused on the folders and papers neatly stacked on his office desk.
His eyes saw the folder containing the files for Sizhui’s college educational plan. Although he was very confident his son won't be needing such, considering how the child was already offered various types of scholarships from different outstanding universities, he still wanted to make sure that Sizhui would live as comfortably as possible during this time. The numbers inside the folder reaching up to 7 digits, assured him that his son won't be minding any financial problems in the near future. Lan Wangji already took the liberty to call the insurance company he filed the educational plan with, last night as well. Sizhui’s graduation ceremony was just right around the corner and he didn’t want to waste any more time.
Tucked beneath the folder was a small brown envelope. Lan Wangji took it between his fingers and with utter elegance, he opened the lip to check what’s inside.
Two plane tickets and an entire vacation package to Milan, Italy. Addressed to Jiang Wanyin and his husband, Nie Huaisang. Both are special people in Wei Ying’s life, hence, in his too. Their 4th wedding anniversary was coming and both he and Wei Ying had already been planning this gift years ago. It was only now that they were able to have enough time to process everything, the reason why it was already three anniversaries too late. Lan Wangji tucked the papers back into the envelope and placed it back down along with the other files and folders.
His eyes wandered on the framed picture, staring at him by his desk. And he was quickly reminded of when and where the picture was taken. It was a summer evening at the back of the Lan manor. Fairy lights were hanging all across the backyard and the pool was littered with floating petals of blue carnations, Lan Wangji’s favorite flower. The night was extra humid but the smile on his lips as Wei Ying’s arms were circled around his waist didn’t show any indication of discomfort on his side. Their hands were raised up as they showed their matching rings to the camera. Because that night, Wei Ying proposed to him. In front of all their friends and family.
Lan Wangji couldn’t help but huff a chuckle as he remembered how he blatantly yelled “yes” with tears pouring down his eyes right before Wei Ying’s knees could even touch the ground. It was indeed a funny sight to see. But it still was one of the most memorable nights of his life.
And he just knew that their wedding day would be even better.
With a smile on his lips, Lan Wangji stood up from his seat and with a final tidying of his desk, he left his office to prepare for his date that afternoon. He couldn’t wait to spend the rest of the day with Wei Ying. The love of all his lifetimes. His one and only.
It took him less than an hour and a half to gather himself and make himself look presentable for Wei Ying. Although, there really wasn’t anything more that was needed to be done. After all, he IS Lan Wangji. And he IS meeting Wei Ying. And he knew Wei Ying would still compliment the life out of him even if he showed up without a shower and a half-brushed hair. But still, he wanted to show Wei Ying his best. Because Wei Ying only deserves the best.
He held the picnic mat in his other hand, as he finished packing the food he prepared into a large picnic basket. He did a quick scan of the contents, made sure that Wei Ying’s favorite wine and a small jar of chili were tucked safe and secured inside. It was half-past 2 in the afternoon when he drove off his house and onto their meeting place.
The moment he got out of the car, a smile was immediately caught in between his lips. The gentle whiff of the cold breeze blowing across his cheeks was letting him know that everything was as perfect as it could be. He couldn’t wait to meet Wei Ying.
He carried the picnic basket to their meeting place and soon, he saw Wei Ying. Waiting patiently by the freshly cut grass. Seeking shade and shelter from the sun under an old oak tree. Lan Wangji’s smile grew tenfold and his steps instantly quickened.
As he came face to face with Wei Ying, he huffed a breath of relief. A cradle of cool air rushed down his lungs as he did. He had never felt more at home, than in the presence of his one and beloved. "Hello, Wei Ying."
With a smile on his lips, he laid down the picnic mat and started pulling out all the contents of the picnic basket. Making sure he saved the wine and chili to be pulled out last. He knew Wei Ying loved surprises.
And so, Lan Wangji giggled. “Of course I didn’t forget your favorite wine.” He said as he pulled out the bottle along with the small jar of chili. "And the chili." The brand was Wei Ying’s favorite. And Lan Wangji could almost see the sparkles in Wei Ying’s eyes. Almost.
“How have you been Wei Ying?” He said as he took a bite of his sandwich a few minutes later. “Mn. A-Yuan’s doing great. His graduation is coming up and I’ve been busy trying to plan the perfect surprise graduation party for him.” He continued.
“It was really hard, so I had to ask help from Huaisang.” Lan Wangji paused as he took a sip of his drink. “You were right when you said he’s the best at planning parties.”
A short moment of silence
“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji continued as he stared at Wei Ying. “How is it over there?”
A soft ticklish wind brushed across his cheek and Lan Wangji instantly smiled. He was giggling as he looked at the marbled plaque containing the letters of his fiancee’s name. “Fun?” He asked, as if in clarification of something. He could almost hear Wei Ying say, "It's a little boring but it's okay!"
“I know. Here too.” Lan Wangji continued.
“They’re doing okay, but everything will be better if you’re here.” Lan Wangji sniffed, the cool breeze already causing his nose to itch and run a bit.
“I know you said you want us to go through every day just like the way it was before.” He paused. “And I’m still trying my best, Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji sniffed again. He felt his eyes starting to water and he knew Wei Ying wouldn’t like that so he decided to stuff the remaining half of the sandwich down his mouth.
There was a moment of calming silence as Lan Wangji chewed on his food. He sat pristinely above the picnic mat, laid right beside Wei Ying’s headstone. The cool wind passed him by with gentle touches. Soothing. Calming. The sound of the rustling leaves of the oak tree accompanying the peaceful air. A minute later and Lan Wangji continued on with his words. “I’m still trying my best, Wei Ying.” He repeated. “But it’s so difficult to pretend like everything is alright when nothing is.”
Lan Wangji’s eyes were glued to a distant tree as he spoke. The rims of his eyes were starting to burn red but he continued. “Nothing was ever alright since you left, Wei Ying.”
“Everyday, I miss you. And everyday, I look for you.” Lan Wangji whispered, it was almost inaudible but he knew Wei Ying could hear him. “I look for you and I see you, Wei Ying. Everywhere I go, everything I see. Every person I meet, I see you.” He sniffed. “And I would think, ‘Wei Ying would love to go to this place.’ or ‘Wei Ying would want me to buy this for him.’”
Lan Wangji’s breath shivered and he knew he had to take a pause, else he might start breaking down in front of Wei Ying, and that’s the last thing he wanted to do. Wei Ying would be heartbroken if he ever saw him crying. And so he breathed.
“The other day I met Luo Qingyang.” Lan Wangji continued after a few seconds of pause. He sniffed as he gathered his thoughts and emotions before proceeding. “I remembered she was a close friend of yours back in college. We met at a bookstore and she was buying books for her daughter.” Lan Wangji’s lips shifted for a small smile. “She’s adorable, Wei Ying. You would love her.”
Lan Wangji shifted his hand and reached for a wine glass from his picnic basket. “Her laughter was so loud and she had such a squeaky voice. Qingyang calls her ‘little mouse’. She has so much stories to tell.” He said as he poured the expensive wine down the glass. "I'm sure you'd be spending hours talking to her." Lan Wangji finished and lifted the glass to place it closer to Wei Ying.
“Oh, I almost forgot. I was finally able to process the papers for Wanyin and Huaisang’s vacation.” Lan Wangji eyed Wei Ying with a smile. Clearly eager for a prideful remark from Wei Ying. And he could almost hear him say, “That’s great, Lan Zhan! Good job!” Lan Wangji giggled.
“You’ve wanted to give them that for so long, I thought it was about time we finally do it.”
A soft whiff of a cool breeze tickled Lan Wangji’s nose and he couldn’t help but to smile. “A-Yuan’s been doing well.” He answered to the empty air, a few moments later. “He would still sit down and cry sometimes but we get by.” Lan Wangji smiled as he looked back to Wei Ying. “Don’t worry about him. I’m making sure everything will be perfect for him.”
“Wei Ying, do you like my new shirt?” He paused. “I bought it because it’s blue. And you said I look good in blue.”
“Winter is coming soon and the nights are getting colder. Last week we had to find someone to fix the radiator inside A-Yuan’s room because it wasn’t heating up. He was busy with his final requirements that time so I made him use the office so he could stay warm.”
“Ah,” Lan Wangji exclaimed after his eyes caught sight of a vibrant object peeking by the lip of the picnic basket. His fingers reached for it and he smiled. “Wei Ying, I brought your favorite hair tie.” He paused, remembering how Wei Ying would insist he call it a ‘scrunchie’ because ‘It sounds so cute coming from your pristine lips, Lan Zhan!’ Lan Wangji giggled as he eyed the red hair tie. His thumb felt the silky material before saying with a low and raspy voice. “Scrunchie.”
Lan Wangji felt his throat closed up. His eyes were suddenly watery and his skin felt cold and burning at the same time. The cool and gentle air was starting to feel like piercing daggers through his skin and he couldn’t help but to force his eyes shut because he could no longer stop it from coming. He can only handle so much without Wei Ying. Without the love of his life. Of all his lifetimes.
“Wei Ying, I’m sorry.” He whispered, voice rasped and low as he closed his eyes. He turned his head away from Wei Ying’s gravestone before he continued. “I know you hate to see me like this but I can’t help it.” He paused as he sniffed and an unwelcomed sob escaped from his lips.
“I miss you so much, my love.”
The air was quiet. The rustling leaves came to a halt and the world stopped. His breathing became so loud yet quiet all at the same time. His eyes caught glimpse of his trembling hands before he even felt them and his heart sunk in apology. “I’m sorry, but I miss you so much. Everyday I wake up, and everything is worse than the day before.” A sob. “I’m sorry, Wei Ying.”
“I’m sorry I can’t be strong without you. I’m sorry I can’t pretend like everything is alright without you.”
Lan Wangji could no longer feel his limbs as he spoke. He knew Wei Ying was hurting, watching him break down into a million pieces right before him. But he couldn’t help it. He missed him. Misses him.
He let his sobs and cries dance and interwine themselves along with the flowing wind. The silence, embracing him like a painful reminder that Wei Ying isn’t around to fill the void anymore. The cheerful laughter and beaming smile. The gentle glances from those shining silvery eyes. No one would know his pain of realizing he could no longer hold Wei Ying’s hands and take refuge inside Wei Ying’s loving arms.
“I miss you so much. Everytime, everywhere. No matter what I do, I’m still missing you.” Lan Wangji paused as he tried to stop himself from sobbing out loud. “Life without you hurts, Wei Ying. Everything hurts.”
And so he sobbed. And he cried. And he apologized to Wei Ying because he couldn’t be strong enough to live through life without him. His cries filled the emptiness that was left when Wei Ying’s laughter disappeared.
So when his cries came to a silent stop after a few minutes, the air was dead and the universe grieved as it came to realize the nearing death of what used to be another blasting star.
Lan Wangji sniffed as he smiled at Wei Ying’s tomb. The pic mat, scrunched up beneath him. The food he prepared, all left forgotten and ignored. He smiled at the tombstone amongst all the other ones around him. And he spoke. “I already prepared A-Yuan’s college fund and everything I have will eventually be his.” He said, wetting his dry lips as he continued staring at the gravestone. “He has to be eighteen before he could receive all of it but I’m sure Xiong-zhang will be with him through the whole process.”
He smiled as he looked down at his fingers. The light of the afternoon sun was hitting the blue stone engraved on the ring Wei Ying gave him that night. He breathed. “I’m sorry Wei Ying,” his mouth dried as he struggled to continue with his words. “I’m sorry, but I think this will be our last date.”
The silence that followed his words were a direct contrast against the 4PM sun, but was eerily entangled with the cold wind. He felt his shoulders lighten up for the first time since Wei Ying left, and that’s when Lan Wangji knew. He was making the right choice.
“I miss you, Wei Ying.” He whispered. And with a smile, he looked at Wei Ying’s name, engraved beautifully across the marbled tombstone. The silence was suddenly a friend urging for an embrace. And that’s when Lan Wangji heard of a familiar tune. The one he set as his phone’s ringtone. The one he had been humming to all his life. The one song he and Wei Ying shared across multiple lifetimes. It was a confirmation. A sign given by Wei Ying himself. He could almost hear Wei Ying singing along.
He knew, he was making the right choice. Because if it’s any indication, the gentle whiff of the cold breeze blowing across his cheeks were letting him know that everything was as perfect as it could be. He couldn’t wait to meet Wei Ying.
“I’ll see you soon, my love.”
He couldn’t wait to meet Wei Ying, again.