Work Text:
“You really need to find a different way to get out of these things,” Sakura griped.
“Shh, they’re coming,” he whispered under his breath, slipping his arm around her waist and hugging her tight to his side.
“Hokage-sama!” The rotund man approached him familiarly—more familiarly than Kakashi thought was called for. “What a pleasure to see you again!”
“The pleasure is mine, Yamada-sama,” Kakashi returned, bowing his head in respect for the lord and his wife.
Sakura spared him one last glare before putting on her brightest smile, just as the lord and his wife cooed and swooned over the happy couple. If the lady reached out to touch her belly, Kakashi knew he’d be in trouble.
Sure enough, the lady’s hands went to gently cup Sakura’s small bump. Kakashi prepared himself for a political upheaval as Sakura’s easy grin tightened. The lord’s wife was frowning, concerned that she couldn’t feel any movement from Sakura’s belly. Kakashi watched in his periphery as the woman’s hands became more familiar, rubbing along Sakura’s belly like she was trying to make a wish.
“Yamada-sama, it’s still quite early on,” Sakura said tensely.
“Ah, yes, I see,” the lady replied, looking thoroughly disappointed. “You’re quite small, it’s hard to tell, you know,” she continued conversationally, one hand still lingering on the bump. Kakashi could see Sakura was losing her patience. “Oh, goodness! I just felt something! Dear, feel here,” she said, reaching for her husband’s hand to place it beside hers on Sakura.
Kakashi knew that that would not be forgiven. Before he could do anything to stop it, though, Sakura took a quick step back and away from the couple’s outstretched hands. The lord and lady looked considerably affronted. Wrongfully so, Kakashi thought, considering they were the ones touching a woman’s body uninvited. He knew he would hear no end of it once this meeting was done with.
“Excuse us, Yamada-sama,” Kakashi began softly, “Sakura is quite exhausted. She’s been on her feet all evening, I’m sure you understand,” he said with another respectful nod of his head.
“Oh, yes, of course!” the lady exclaimed, looking at them in horror. “A pregnant lady shouldn’t do so much milling about,” she warned. Sakura didn’t take to that very well, but this time, Kakashi managed to step in before her fists could do the talking for them.
“She was adamant about seeing you, Yamada-sama,” Kakashi said, watching as the woman’s condescension quickly died on her face.
With the bureaucratic pomp out of the way, Kakashi offered his arm to Sakura. She took it gratefully, with a soft little smile that made him feel warm and forgiven. He crinkled his eyes back down onto her as he led her through the hall toward the large exit doors.
At least, that’s what it looked like to the ballroom of people bidding them goodbye.
The truth was, Sakura was clutching his arm so tightly, she was on the verge of breaking it. He kept his expression carefully schooled until they were out of sight. Sakura shoved him roughly once they made it back to his office.
“I am not doing that again!” she exclaimed, not for the first time. He watched as the fake baby bump settled down into her regular, flat-tummied physique, as well as the subtle swell of her hips and chest morphing back into her true shape. Some part of him was a little sad to see it all go, but he wouldn’t dare let Sakura know that.
Pregnancy was becoming on her. At least, fake pregnancy was, anyway.
“I just need someone to tote around the room, Sakura-chan. It will be fun!” she mocked. “Do you remember that? Hm? That was three years ago. And since then, I’ve gone from your date, to your girlfriend, to your fiancée. Then we got married! Now I’m pregnant.”
Hearing it laid out like that did make him feel just a little bit ridiculous.
“And, you know, it wouldn’t be so bad, really, except that you’re the Hokage,” she continued, pacing in front of him as he leaned against his desk.
“That’s true, I am,” he agreed. She paid him no mind.
“Do you know how hard it is to get a date when half of Fire thinks you’re married to the Hokage?” she asked with an accusing finger wag.
“I’m sorry to say that I do not have experience with that matter, no.”
“What are you gonna do when it’s time for me to give birth?” she asked. This time, she really was looking for an answer, and he was terrified to give her one.
“Miscarriage?” he proposed. Her jaw dropped in horror.
“I am not intentionally miscarrying my first child, Kakashi!”
“You’re not really pregnant, Sakura,” he reminded her. She huffed in displeasure, even going as far as to stomp her foot. It would have been cute if he didn’t know for a fact that one little foot stomp from her could easily level this tower.
“It’s the principle,” she spat out.
“Okay, so let’s get you pregnant for real; you can sprout your little bean, and then we’ll have all our bases covered,” he proposed with a dry smile.
“I hate you. And I hate your stupid, smug face.” At some point in their fake relationship journey, Kakashi had bared himself to her. It seemed a fair trade and a barter wellstruck. She would be his fake date for these Hokage business-type events, and he would show her his face. At the time, she had been happy with the arrangement.
As time went on, though, being his date stopped cutting it. Suddenly, people were wondering why they weren’t anything more official. And then she’d been his girlfriend for so long, people began to wonder why they weren’t taking that next step.
Suffice it to say, things had gotten a little out of hand. Now they had a little bundle of joy on the way, and Sakura was less than pleased about it.
“I will not have those people putting their grubby hands on me again, Kakashi,” she warned. He had to agree with her on that. It was less than ideal.
“Fair enough, but you can’t have a baby bump today and nothing two weeks from now.” Uh oh. That was not how he’d meant to tell her that.
“Two weeks from now? You’re telling me I have to do this again in two weeks?”
It took all of his bargaining power to walk her off the ledge of fury she was dancing on.
In the end, he’d had to promise he would fastrack approvals for some mental health clinic proposals she’d put forth, including insisting all high-ranking Konoha shinobi attended regularly scheduled psych evaluations. Including him. Especially him; she made that very clear.
Satisfied, the visible signs of her irritation finally began to ease away, leaving her standing before him, a triumphant smile on her face.
“You still need to figure out this baby business,” she warned him. “But I suppose I can be accosted once more in two weeks,” she said with a sigh. Some primitive part of him was looking forward to seeing her like that again; body softer and curvier, and belly round. With my child, his mind supplied unnecessarily.
He needed to put an end to this and soon. But that event was two weeks away, and there wasn’t really any time for him to explain away a whole wife and unborn child in two weeks. In fact, this would probably be a long endeavour. He was thinking maybe about a year.
“You know, there is one way we could stop pretending,” he thought out loud. She hummed in question, looking warily curious. “You could marry me for real,” he proposed with a wide grin. She glared at him. “I’m kidding,” he tacked on. He was kidding. Mostly.
“Mhm,” she hummed in suspicion. He sighed and slouched further against his desk.
“You have to admit, before the baby came along, we were having a pretty good time,” he said with a warm smile, hoping she agreed. She rolled her eyes but he could see the corners of her lips twitching with the smile she was holding back.
“It was kinda fun, wasn’t it?” She was toe to toe with him now, staring up at him with some gleam in her eye that wasn’t exactly rage, but not exactly happiness either. He wasn’t sure what it was.
Before he could ponder it any further, she seized him by his collar and yanked him forward to meet her lips. He went cross-eyed, staring at her in shock. By the time he was ready to react to her kissing him, she was already pulling away.
“Sorry,” she said, not looking sorry in the least. “Pregnancy hormones.” He hummed in thought, scanning her face for any inkling of an idea what was going on here. He decided it was better left a mystery.
“What do you think about twins?” he asked after a moment of silence between them. She let out a most undignified harrumph before stomping on his foot and heading for the door in a whirlwind of flustered frustration. He laughed through the pain in his foot, certain that she’d crushed a couple of his toes, but knowing she’d be back soon to fix him up.
On second thought, maybe it would take another couple of years to get it all sorted out. Hopefully, by then, Sakura would come around to his idea of a more permanent solution.