Chapter Text
"So, how did date night go?" Buck asked Eddie as he nudged him in the side with his elbow, making his best friend roll his eyes.
Even though he asked, he really didn't want to know.
Okay maybe some weird masochistic part of him did , but most of him didn't. It was just another reminder of the fact that Ana was slowly becoming a fixture in the Diaz boys' lives and Buck was slowly getting pushed out.
Yeah, yeah, he knew he was being a tad over-dramatic and that he was going to make sure that he wasn't going to lose Eddie and Chris even if it was the last thing that he did.
Buck made a promise to Christopher after all.
And he also knew that Eddie was still going to be his best friend. They just weren't going to spend as much time together as before. Which was fine. Because so far there hadn't been that much of a difference.
Besides, during their last few shifts before their days off, Buck couldn't help but feel a little reassurance of still being a fixture in Chris' life with all the different talks that he and Eddie had about parenting.
So, he was just going to think positive and not let the fear of losing his Diaz boys get to him. Because, Eddie was happy and took a big step of moving forward in his life by dating Ana. And so, any fears and uneasiness he'd sometimes feel with certain things Eddie would mention about Ana seeing Chris, Buck would push away and support his best friend.
Even if he was secretly in love with said best friend.
But that was neither here nor there.
"Earth to Buck." Eddie's hand waving near his face snapped Buck out of his thoughts.
He blinked. "Sorry, were you saying something?"
Eddie eyed him for a moment, studying Buck as he seemed to look for something in his eyes and expression. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah of course. Sorry I just spaced out there for a moment thinking how adorable my baby niece is."
His best friend arched a brow. "Really? Because that's not the face you wear when you're thinking or talking about Jee-Yun."
"Oh really? And how would you know?"
Eddie shrugged. "I'm your best friend. It's my job to know all of your micro expressions."
Chimney raised a hand in the air. "I'd like to point out that Hen and I have been best friends for a hell of a lot longer than you two have and I’m still nowhere close to knowing all of her facial expressions."
"Ditto." Hen agreed while sipping her tea and eyeing the two of them in a way that unnerved Buck.
"Yeah well, Buck and I are just different."
Chimney made a coughing sound. "Yeah you are."
Buck sent him a glare.
"What was that Chim?" Eddie asked him challengingly.
Not wanting to talk about this anymore, the blonde tried to get his best friend's attention back to him. "It's just Chim being Chim. Anyways, Eds, what were you saying about your date?"
That got his attention. He turned his head back toward Buck. "What I was saying while you were rudely ignoring me ," he teased, making the blond roll his eyes, "was that it was a pretty chill night. We had dinner with Christopher and when he went to bed Ana and I started to watch a movie together. Apparently she had never seen Big Trouble In Little China which is a complete outrage."
Buck suppressed a gulp, trying to look unphased. He distinctly remembered one of their first movie nights being where Eddie absolutely insisted on introducing Buck to the same movie.
How many times had he and the Diaz boys had dinner together and then proceeded to watch a movie with Chris or put him straight to bed - depending on the time - and he and Eddie watched a movie of their own with a couple of beers? At least Buck still had his movie and video games nights with them. But he couldn't help but have a weird feeling, that he couldn't quite describe, of the fact that he did the same things with Eddie and Christopher as Ana did on their date nights.
Although, he supposed they all weren't the same since Ana and Eddie probably cuddled while watching the movie, probably making out -
Okay he really needed to stop.
Buck shifted awkwardly in his seat "Sounds like fun. What did she think of the movie?"
It was Eddie's turn to look a little awkward as he scratched his head. "Oh well, we didn't get a chance to finish it."
"Why?" Chimney asked, looking slightly offended. The man sure did love his Kurt Russell movies and was almost as protective of them as he was with Bruce Willis movies, especially Die Hard. "Did she not even want to finish it?"
Eddie rolled his eyes. "No. Thank goodness."
Eddie was also a major Kurt Russell fan and movie buff in general. Not as obsessive as Chim, but with the help of the both of them Buck's lack of movie knowledge had grown exponentially.
"We were interrupted by Chris."
"What? Why? Is Chris okay?" Buck couldn't help but ask, panic immediately forming within every cell of his body.
Eddie gave him a fond smile. The kind he'd give his best friend when Buck was showing his love for their Superman. "He's fine. He just couldn't sleep and wanted to watch a movie with us so we let him."
Buck tried not to let the fact that Eddie was now calling him and Ana a "we" bother him. It's what happened in relationships. He really needed to stop acting so ridiculous to every little thing in order for him to finally move on and be a hundred percent happy for his best friend.
But that wasn't the main thing that bothered him, however.
No. What bothered him was Chris not being able to sleep. Again .
"Wow this is like the fourth time something similar happened. Is Chris having trouble sleeping in general?" Buck couldn't help but ask even though he knew that if Christopher were having trouble sleeping that Eddie would've told him so they could try to come up with a solution to help his son. Or at least Buck hoped he'd still come to him for something like that, especially if it had to do with Chris.
But, Buck also had to remind himself that their dynamic was naturally slowly changing from what they had before. Because, even though Eddie would still go to him with his problems - a deal they had made with each other after the whole lawsuit/cage fighting fiasco - he now had Ana.
And Buck wasn't going to be as needed anymore.
And that was okay. It was how it should be.
He hoped that telling himself that enough times would finally make him believe it eventually.
Eddie seemed hesitant in answering before he waved a nonchalant hand. "No, he's been sleeping okay otherwise. Just on those nights."
This did not make Buck feel better. "Wait, so he's just been having a hard time sleeping on the nights that Ana is over?"
"It's not as bad it sounds." Eddie quickly tried to reassure him, even though Buck couldn't help but think that maybe he was trying to treasure himself as well. "Ana says that it sometimes takes time for kids to readjust to having someone else coming over all the time during the night and that he just wants to be included with the grown ups. He'll hopefully get past it soon."
Buck wanted to say that Chris didn't have a hard time adjusting to seeing Buck all the time or coming over for video games and movie nights. But he didn't.
"Yeah that can definitely be true." Bobby offered. "I remember when I first met Harry and May, Harry always wanted to spend time with me and kept asking when I was coming over. He even tried to stay up a few times with us but of course Athena didn't budge. Kids tend to try to get away with things more or push the boundaries a bit whenever there’s a new person in their life."
He knew Bobby was trying to reassure Eddie, but by the forlorn look in his best friend's eyes that quickly went away, it didn't seem to work all that well. Buck could tell that Eddie was probably being hard on himself for letting Chris stay up so late for the fourth date in a row.
Buck knew that he should try to reassure him about it, and even wanted to, but he was too busy thinking about Christopher.
Even though it was subtle, he couldn't help but feel like something was off with Chris. He unfortunately didn't get the chance to talk to the nine-year-old about it one-on-one yet. Lately Eddie hadn't needed Buck to babysit since he and Ana had been bringing Chris on their dates lately.
Which definitely did not remind Buck that he ultimately was alone. That he didn't have his own family unit of his own. Nope, did not remind him of it at all.
But that wasn't the point. The point was that something was up with Christopher, Buck just knew , and he wanted to figure it out.
"Have you talked to Chris about it?" Buck asked, interrupting the change of topic where Chimney was talking about how Albert was doing at the Lees. He would feel bad for not paying too much attention if he hadn't already been keeping up with Albert himself about it as much as possible.
"Huh?" Eddie asked, turning his attention back toward the blond, before realization dawned on his face. "Oh yeah." He cleared his throat. "I did and he pretty much said the same thing that Ana had told me. That he just wants to be included with the grown ups. I'm going to try to put my foot down next time though. I hate breaking his sleep routine."
Which was good, because Buck knew how important Chris' sleep routine was. But that answer still didn't satisfy him, though. His gut was telling him that Chris was lying and that something was still up.
But could it be his gut or could it be Buck's self-conscious playing tricks on him because of his jealousy?
He didn't want to risk it being some jealousy thing, but this was Chris. If he looked jealous or whatever then so be it. As long as he knew that his Superman was actually okay. That was what all that mattered.
And he normally wouldn't question Eddie's judgement, but Buck still couldn't help but think about how Chris - who Eddie himself had once told him wasn't very fast to run away from him- was able to sneak his own and leave the house with his crutches and take freaking Uber to Buck's. All without Eddie knowing until like thirty minutes later.
That wasn't the Eddie Buck knew. At first he just chalked it up as the older man being stressed with starting to date someone knew for the first time after Shannon and Chris blowing up in a way he had never done before. And even though nothing extreme like that had happened since then in the past couple of months, Buck couldn't help but notice certain subtle moments whenever he'd talk about Ana hanging out with him and Chris or Ana's advice. There were little moments that just seemed off to Buck. That some of the things that Ana had suggested or all three of them did together, he was surprised that Eddie had agreed to.
"Are you sure that's all what's going on with Chris?" Buck asked, interrupting the new change of subject between the team again.
Eddie sighed. "I'm sure. Ana thinks-"
"I'm not asking what Ana thinks." Buck couldn't help but interrupt. Eddie's eyes widened in shock by the blond's words and his stern tone of voice. "I'm asking what you think about your son."
An awkward silence filled the kitchen area while Hen, Chimney, and Bobby all shared looks with one another.
Eddie's jaw clenched. "Ana and I ," he began, emphasizing the last word, "both think that it's just a phase that'll hopefully pass soon."
"And what if it doesn't, huh? What if you realize that it's been something else, something deeper this whole time?"
"Then I'll handle it if that happens." A pause. "Wait, do you know something that I don't? Did Chris tell you something?"
He shook his head. "No. But -"
"Look, I know how much you love Chris and I love that you do but just please trust me when I tell you that nothing's going on."
He just had to pull the trust card, huh?
Normally, Buck would just leave it at that. Because he trusted Eddie with his life. Trusted him more than anyone else, even sometimes more than Maddie. But a part of trusting Eddie was knowing him.
And he just knew that something was off with him and Chris and this relationship with Ana, who he hadn't even met yet.
Buck could also see some uncertainty swirling in the other man's eyes.
"I trust you, Eddie. More than anyone." Buck told him with complete and utter sincerity in a low voice that he had only used when it was just him and Eddie and not in front of their team. But right now he needed his best friend to hear this because he wasn't sure if he'd ever be brave enough again to say it. "But I think the real question is if you trust yourself."
Eddie's eyes widened in shock that slowly turned to anger.
" Oh shit ." Chimney exclaimed under his breath, making Hen slap his forearm.
Bobby looked like he was about to intervene but was cut off by Eddie's angry voice.
"What the hell is that supposed to me?"
Yeah he really didn't think this through. How the hell was he going to explain it?
"I just mean," Buck began to explain in what he hoped was a calling voice, "that it seems like maybe you've been questioning your choices lately."
"My choices?" Eddie asked, giving him an incredulous look. He then gave him a certain look that Buck couldn't quite decipher "As in Ana?"
"No, no, no." Buck quickly answered. "Well not exactly. I don't mean as in you dating Ana in general. But as in the choices you make together."
"Buck, the choices that I make about Christopher are the choices that I make on my own. With no one else ."
Buck couldn't help but like there was a certain underlying meaning in that last statement. That Eddie was pointedly talking about Buck and the certain problems with Chris that they had solved together.
"Are you sure about that? Because it seems like you've been taking all of Ana's suggestions to heart."
"Because she has good ones. She was a teacher and now a vice principal after all."
" Look , I'm not doubting her abilities of knowing kids. But does she know Chris?" Before Eddie could respond, Buck continued, feeling like he couldn't stop if he tried. "You know what? While we're at it. Is she actually using her skills or is she just trying to appease you so there wouldn't be any conflict?"
"Double shit." Chimney muttered under his breath once more but this time Hen didn't reprimanded him and instead said, "I second that."
From the corner of his eye it looked like she was about to intervene but instead was stopped by Bobby doing so himself. "Okay, guys. Enough ."
They normally would have listened. But by the pure and unadulterated expression on Eddie's face that Buck hadn't seen in a very long time, Eddie was going to ignore his captain's orders. Which was extremely rare.
Buck wanted to take back what he said, knew he went too far, but he just couldn't. Something was up with Chris and he had to make Eddie see that.
"Look, I'm sorry. I just really feel like there's something up with Chris that he hasn't told you about."
"Yeah, and how would you know huh?" Eddie asked, his voice getting louder. "You're not a-" He then stopped himself.
Anger now filling up Buck, he stood up from his stool. "Not a what? Huh Eddie? I'm not a parent? Is that what you were going to say?"
"Seriously, you two, enough." Bobby ordered but Buck ignored it, knowing that he was going to regret it later.
"I might not be a parent like the rest of you now, but I do see Chris like my own and I might not be his actual parent but I know that something is up. You might not think I do because I'm not a parent but I do."
"Buck..." Eddie began to say in defeat, emotions filling his voice now but stopped himself.
Buck studied him for a moment, his heart breaking in realization. "You don't believe me." His voice broke.
"No that's not -" The brunet started to protest but he put his hand out to stop him.
"Just don't." Buck then gulped, traitorous tears forming in his eyes and threatening to escape. "You know what? You're right. I'm not a parent and I probably never will be. So I don't get a right to tell you how to raise Chris. I'm sorry."
Eddie looked like he was going to protest but Buck started to walk off before he could. "I'm going downstairs to the gym. Cap I can I be the man behind for a while." He then ushered himself down the stairs without waiting for a response from anyone else.
______
Buck punched the bag in rushed and rapid swings, trying to get all of his frustrations out, but it just made him angrier and more frustrated and just flat out sad .
He knew that he should've had an emergency session with Dr. Copeland instead but he didn't have it in him to talk this one out. At least not now. One reason being that it would more than likely turn into his therapist asking if this might have to do with his certain feelings for Eddie and he couldn't risk anyone accidentally hearing it.
So he'd settle for beating the living crap out of the punching bag - something he hadn't done since his parents' visit.
Ironically enough it was the same man who warned him about the dangers of letting his anger get to him so much that he just wanted to punch something who now was the reason why Buck wanted to again.
But he was more mad at himself for blowing things out of proportion.
Doubts had been trickling in his head ever since leaving his team upstairs.
He probably really was just seeing things, letting the loneliness of seeing everyone with their own little families and Buck being alone once more get to him.
If Buck had been feeling lonely when he first started seeing Dr. Copeland then he now felt extremely lonely. Because back then he had Eddie and Chris all the time and knew where he stood with them. But now? Now he wasn't so sure. And even if he was good with them there would still be that divide. Because they had Ana now. They didn't need him.
Which led him to a downward spiral.
Sure he was over the moon every time Maddie or Chimney had talked about Jee-Yun, especially when he'd see his precious little niece himself. And sure he strived to be the best Uncle Buck that he could and spoil her rotten with all that love. But at the end of the day, they were still their own little family unit.
And he tried to convince himself that it was okay. But Buck couldn't help but want that himself.
And the worst part? He didn't realize it until Eddie had started dating Ana, but he had seen him and Eddie and Chris as their own family unit. Not him being "fun uncle Buck" but actually being a co-parent with Eddie.
Which was ridiculous. He shouldn't had felt that way.
And now here Buck was. Alone.
Again.
His phone then buzzed, making Buck stop his punches to go check what it was. It had buzzed a few times prior but he was too round up to stop beating the shit out of the bag and go check. But now he hurried to the bench that had his bag and phone, hoping it was Maddie texting the cutest pictures of baby Jee-Yun. Because Chimney most definitely would've told her about his and Eddie's little fight and Maddie would absolutely send pictures of his niece first to help him calm before asking him if he was okay.
The first few texts were from Maddie and the latest one from TK.
Buck and the Texas paramedic had been texting each other a lot since the wildfires and Buck could easily say he had become one of his closest friends. So much so that the former firefighter had guessed correctly about him being in love with Eddie.
He was the first person besides Dr. Copeland who Buck had talked about his feelings with. Sometimes he'd text or even zoom about it with TK and TK's boyfriend, Carlos.
Buck hadn't even talked about his feelings for Eddie to Maddie, let alone anyone else. But for some reason, he felt safer talking about them to two guys who lived four states away than to people who could easily be blabber mouths or at least give him knowing pitying looks. Although that hadn't stopped his teammates and friends here from doing so regardless.
Knowing that it was probably another meme or one of TK's "Reasons Why You Should Tell Eddie The Loverboy How You Feel", Buck decided to look at Maddie's texts first, hoping there were pictures of Jee-Yun to help calm him.
And sure enough there was.
Maddie sent him five adorable pictures along with a message.
[From: Maddie] Are you okay? Chim told me what happened. I'm here if you need me.
Buck smiled at the messages, glad that he was right.
[From: Buck] I'm....okay. I'll tell you all about it after my shift. Thanks for the pics. Jee is the cutest bean as always.
And he was telling the truth, he would tell her all about it. But would just leave out the tiny part where he was worried that he had been letting his feelings for Eddie cloud his judgement.
He then went to open TK's text.
[From: TK] Hey can we video chat soon? There's something we really need to talk about.
Buck quirked a brow at this. TK had never really sounded so serious before. Sure they had serious conversations before, but TK had never sent him a serious that was so vague.
Feeling worried for his friend, he was about to text an agreement and ask his friend if he was okay. But he was interrupted by a voice from behind him.
"Buck?"
He didn't need to turn around to know that it was Eddie. He'd recognise that voice anywhere.
Buck placed his phone in his shorts pocket, deciding to text TK later, before turning around, although looking at the ground instead of Eddie.
"Can we talk?"
The blond paused for a moment, trying to decide if he could handle talking about this to Eddie again without blowing up once more.
Buck didn't really have it in him to tell Eddie to go fuck off or that he needed more time. So he just nodded, focusing on the color of the floor.
"I'm sorry." Eddie whispered.
This made Buck look up to finally meet his gaze. He could see all of the emotions that were threatening to escape but Eddie was doing a good job at keeping it together.
Buck just gave him a questioning look as a response.
"For making you think that I don't believe you. Because I do."
The blond blinked in surprise. "You do?"
Eddie nodded, biting his lip before looking away. "You said a lot of harsh truths." He huffed a humorless laugh.
"Eds I didn't mean -"
His best friend waved a hand out for him to stop. "No. You were right. I think Ana and I are still in that honeymoon phase where we don't want reality to set in yet and have to deal with the not-so happy side of Ana dating a single father of a 9-almost-10 year-old."
"Yeah." Buck then couldn't help but say, "It's not fair to Chris though."
Eddie nodded. "I know." He looked at the blond for a moment, wearing the kind of intent expression that Buck always had a hard time deciphering. He then scratched the back of his neck. "Look, I know things are slightly different because of me and Ana now."
Buck didn't know how to respond to that so he just let his best friend continue.
"But I don't want them to change so much to where you, me, and Chris aren't what we are anymore."
“Eds.” Buck sighed. “We can't be exactly what we were before."
"Okay, maybe not. But you are still an important fixture in mine and Chris' lives no matter if I'm dating someone or not."
"Are you sure?" Buck asked, almost choking on his words because of the emotional turmoil that he was starting to feel.
Eddie nodded. "Look, I know I need to be better at balancing dating Ana and parenting Chris. But I realized that I also need to be better at keeping your importance in Christopher's life, not just mine."
"Eddie..." Buck began to say.
"Buck. Look at me." Eddie told him fiercely, placing a hand on his shoulder and looking him intently in his eye. "I once told you that there's no one else in this world that I trust with Chris more than with you and I still stand by it."
"But-but what about Ana?"
Eddie ripped his hand away, making Buck immediately missing his touch. "Although she was his teacher before, Ana has only gotten to know Christopher outside of school for a couple of months now. Hopefully as time goes by I'll trust her just as much." As you , was left unsaid.
Buck couldn't help but feel a petty sense of pride that Eddie didn't trust Ana anywhere near as much as he still trusted Buck. Although, that did kinda send red flags about their relationship but he was probably looking too much into it given his biases and all.
"Look, I'm going to talk to Ana next time I see her about us being blinded and how we need to get out of that honeymoon phase for Chris' sake."
"Eddie, I didn't mean to come between you and Ana." He bit his lip at his word choices.
Eddie looked away as well. "You're not. It's what we needed to do so thank you for waking me up out of that." He then looked back at Buck and placed his hand on the blond's shoulder once more. "Buck, I hope you know how much I value your opinion when it comes to Chris. And that's not gonna change."
"It's not?"
He shook his head, giving him the fond smile that always made Buck secretly melt. "You're stuck in the Diaz family for life."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." He then bit his lip before continuing. "Look, what you said about not being a parent -"
Before Eddie could finish, however, a woman with an unfamiliar voice called out Buck's name.
"Mr. Buckley?"
This made Buck turn around to see a middle aged woman in a suit jacket and skirt walking over to him.
"Yes?" He answered, not having any clue who this woman was but a feeling of foreboding crept within him.
"I'm -"
"Diedra?" Hen interrupted walking over to her. "I thought we didn't have another appointment until next week."
The woman smiled kindly at her. "We don't. I'm here for a different case." She then turned her attention back on Buck. "Mr. Buckley's case."
Hen's eyes widened in shock. She seemed to have more of an idea of what was going on since she apparently knew this Dierda.
"My-my case?" Buck question out of pure and utter confusion.
What the hell was going on?
Diedra's kind smile just turned even more kind. "My name is Diedra Davis. I'm with Child and Family Services. Is there some place where we can talk?"
Panic then started to build quickly within him. "Is-is this about my sister Maddie and her daughter?" It was the first thing that came to his racing mind. "Because the father - Chimney - is here too. You should talk to him as well."
The smile turned into a reassuring one. "This isn't about your sister or niece, Mr. Buckley. I don't know them but I'm sure they're fine."
Buck let out a sigh of relief.
“Sorry to interrupt.” Eddie chimed in. “My name is Eddie Diaz. This doesn’t have anything to do with my son Christopher Diaz does it?”
“No. This is about Mr. Buckley.” Diedra answered
The relief grew even more, but only lasted a second or so when reality began to set in.
"If this isn't about my niece or Christopher, then what is this about?" Or more like who , he wanted to ask but couldn't. He didn't have it in him.
Because if Child and Family Services were visiting Buck and it didn’t have anything to do with Christopher or Jee-Yun - or he assumed none of his other family’s kids - then did that mean….
All of the air around him suddenly disappeared.
Surely there were other reasons for this visit.
Right?
Her calming look remained. "This is a conversation that would be best for us to have in private."
Buck just nodded but was frozen in place, breathing again but this time a lot more heavier.
He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and he didn't need to turn to know it was Eddie's, instantly helping him start to feel calmer.
As he took a deep breath in and out, Hen answered for him, everything about her screamed with concern although she held herself in a calming manner. "You two can go to the far end of the loft where the tables are. I'll show you."
She then turned to walk away and Diedra started to follow. If it wasn't for Eddie gently squeezing his shoulder and pushing him forward ever so slightly, Buck probably would've stayed frozen in place for who knows how long.
But as they followed the two women toward the stairs, Buck pushed away all of the shock and mentally braced himself. If he could handle all of the hard calls that they'd ever had, being crushed by a truck, having a freaking pulmonary embolism, then he could definitely handle whatever he was about to be told.
As they walked up the stairs, Eddie's hand still was firmly placed on his shoulder, thumb ever so slightly caressing the nape of his neck. Which both helped calm Buck and freaked him out in an entirely different way than he was already.
It amazed him how they went from having the biggest fight since The Grocery Store Incident™ - as he liked to call it - to quickly making amends and Eddie comforting him and being there right at his side, having his back as Buck headed to the unknown.
It reassured him that he didn't fuck up his relationship with Eddie in anyway. That they were able to actually talk it out. That they would still be there for each other through anything.
He was so happy that Eddie believed him about Chris. That maybe, just maybe, they'd figure it out together.
And if it was more like Buck helping Eddie and Ana figure it out then he was okay with that. As long as he'd be there for Chris then that was what all that mattered.
Buck was going to continue to be there for Chris and Eddie no matter what.
Even if things were different now.
Especially with the bomb that Diedra more-than-likely was about to drop.
Once they reached the tables at the far end of the loft, they both went to sit at the opposite ends of the table, facing each other. Which meant that Eddie had to let go of his hold, Buck instantly missing his touch but he immediately pushed that aside.
"I'll let Cap know that you might be the man behind after all." Hen told him, giving him a side hug of encouragement to which he appreciated. "And I'll make sure everyone will steer clear from over here. Let me know if you two need anything."
"Thanks, Hen. I will." Buck told her, giving her a tight squeeze to show his gratitude toward her before they both let go.
"Good luck, Buckeroo. We're here if you need anything."
Hen then looked at Diedra. "Take care of our boy."
The older woman gave her a polite but genuine smile. "I will."
Satisfied although still worried, Hen started to walk off which made Buck notice that Eddie was still lingering there on his other side.
Turning to look at him, he could see the realization dawning on his face. Eddie cleared his throat. "I'll leave you too. Let me know if you need anything." He told him with complete and utter sincerity that made Buck gulp.
"Wait." Buck stopped him before he could walk off, without thinking it through.
"Yeah?" Eddie asked him, looking like he was willing to do or get anything for Buck.
He knew he shouldn't ask this of him. It would definitely not help with the whole "their relationship is changing but that's okay because Eddie had Ana now and will probably marry her so even though they'll still do anything for each other they still can't fully rely on each other when it comes to the co-parenting part" thing.
But at the thought of the co-parenting part, panic started to fill within him in full force once more at remembering what Diedra more than likely was about to tell him.
He knew it was selfish and it wasn't going to help his heart from trying to move on from Eddie. But he was his best friend, and Buck needed his best friend by his side as his life was probably about to change forever.
"Stay." Buck finally told Eddie in a low, emotionally filled voice. He then cleared his throat. "Please."
What was surprising was that his best friend wasn't actually surprised. Not necessarily. He looked more like...in awe. That Buck wanted Eddie there with him as Diedra broke the life-changing news to him.
There were also some certain emotions that swirled in his eyes that Buck still couldn't quite decipher. "Are you sure?"
Buck could only nod. "I'm sure."
"Okay." Eddie told him with a soft voice, nodding in determination before giving him that soft look that always made Buck weak in the knees.
His best friend then grabbed a chair and put it beside him. Buck then turned his body forward and put his full attention back on Diedra, ignoring the sensation of Eddie placing a comforting hand on his thigh.
Looking at the social worker, Buck couldn't help but realize that this was the exact spot where he had first talked to his parents again after finding out about Daniel.
Turns out this table was cursed or spelled or whatever with being the spot of emotional conversations.
Knowing that Buck was ready for the conversation, Diedra folded her hands together and placed them on a manilla folder that she must've gotten out of her bag when Buck was talking to Eddie.
"Mr. Buckley -"
"Buck." He couldn't help but interrupt before giving her a small, apologetic smile. "Please call me Buck."
She gave him a calming smile of her own. "Buck. First I wanted to start off by asking you if you know or remember a Camilla Reyes?"
Buck hated to admit it, but he had to think about it for a minute, given all of the women he had slept with in the past - a lot of them he only knew by their usernames from his hookup app.
Then it finally clicked.
Camilla. Cami.
He met her in Peru when he had first arrived there and was instantly questioning if it was the right choice to move there or not. She came into his outside bar with her friends who were on their spring break vacation with her. And although beautiful, at first she seemed like a jerk. But then they instantly struck up a conversation and had ended up talking all night. Cami helped him feel better about his decision and even told him that she'd wish that she could move there too instead of going back to college in her hometown.
The surprising part was that they hadn't even slept together until her last night of her vacation. Before that whenever she visited the bar with her friends they'd just talk when he wasn't serving anyone.
Camilla had been his first friend in Peru, first friend in a while since the dude ranch if he was being honest.
They only exchanged each other's emails since Buck didn't have enough money to make phone calls to different countries. But after a few email exchanges here and there, their friendship just naturally fizzled out.
Like he did with any good connections he'd made throughout his life, he had really wanted to try to keep it. But then he'd met Alejandro and his entire focus -besides his jobs- became their summer romance.
And after that ended terribly, Buck had become Buck 1.0, not wanting to be in any relationships after being burned so badly.
After he became Buck 2.0 and even recently Buck 3.0, there were few times every now and then where Buck would think of his time in Peru. He'd think of Cami fondly and was always grateful for her helping him through that hard time. He would also wonder what happened to her. If she got that family that she always wanted yet or was still looking for.
It looked like he would maybe finally find out the answer in the worst way possible.
A sick feeling then reached the pit of his stomach. Did something bad happen to her?
Maybe it didn't. Maybe she had been trying to find him all of these years because - he swallowed - she had a child.
But if that was the case, why was Child Services there? Why didn’t she come here herself to tell him that he was a father? There were different options that went in his head but none of them were good ones.
"Buck." Eddie's soft but urgent voice and a gentle squeeze on his thigh brought the blond out of his thoughts.
He turned his head to look at his best friend, who in turn gave him a small, reassuring smile before nudging his head toward the direction of Deidra.
Right. She had asked him a question.
Putting his attention back on the nice woman, Buck gulped before slowly nodding.
"Yeah. I knew her."
Deidra nodded. "That's what we thought since your name is on the birth certificate."
"Birth certificate?" Buck breathed out more of a statement than a question, heart beating rapidly against his chest.
It was an obvious conclusion, given the fact that it was Child Services and all. But hearing it out loud...
She nodded. "Mr Buckley - Buck . When was the last time you've spoken to Camilla?"
Buck gulped. "Almost five years ago."
Deidra just nodded again, like she was also expecting that answer while writing something quickly on her notepad. She then quickly looked back up to the blond and told him in a calming voice, "Buck. Camilla died a few days ago in a car wreck."
Buck gulped once more, feeling all of the emotion rise within him. It was sadly what he had been expecting, but having it confirmed? Even though he didn't know Cami for that long and hadn't spoken to her in years, it still hurt. Especially with the fact that she died in a way that would be his job to save her from.
He felt Eddie tense beside him and couldn't help but think how that was the same way Shannon had died.
Wow, the universe had one sick and cruel sense of humor.
"'I'm so sorry for your loss."
He didn't really feel like he had the right to be said that to since he had barely known her but still nodded and said a quick thank you nonetheless.
"Camilla had a daughter." Deidra continued in a calming manner. "And put your name on the birth certificate as the father."
Buck froze in his seat.
He knew it was coming. He knew it.
And yet his whole entire world had tilted on its axis as if he hadn't seen it coming.
Buck was a father.
And hadn't he just been saying how he wasn't a parent?
Then again, even if he wasn't Chris' actual parent and probably never would be, he still loved him as his own and always would.
But could he actually be a dad where he was their provider? Help his daughter - his daughter - deal with the death of her mother at the tender age of four? Raise her on his own?
He hadn't even been able to take care of his twenty year old roommate after his own car crash because Albert had to be taken care of twenty-four seven.
Buck still had a lot of issues that he was working through. Could he really raise a daughter who already had so much trauma at such a young age without messing her up even more?
Did the state really trust him to be a dad?
Eddie then began to rub calming circles out on his thigh, helping Buck out of his panicked-ridden thoughts before they could turn into an even more self-deprecating spiral than it already was.
"Wha-what's her name?"
"Daniella."
Buck gasped a breath of air.
He had a daughter that he had never known about with practically the same name as his brother who he had also never known about until recently.
Well, damn. The universe really was on a roll huh?
"Your name is on the birth certificate, but we want to do a paternity test just to make sure."
Buck nodded in understanding. "Of course."
"And if the DNA matches and says that you are indeed her father then you have the legal rights to take her in. If you’re willing to do so.”
He sunk further in his seat, letting it all sink in.
If Camilla was being truthful when she named Buck as the father - which he didn’t know why she wouldn’t be - and the DNA test was a match then he really was Daniella’s father and the responsibility to take her in would befall on him.
It was up to Buck to raise Daniella and help her not only through her grief, but make sure that she got all the love in the world as she grew up.
A sudden burst of determination ran through him.
Even though he was afraid of messing it up and not being responsible enough, Buck was determined to be the best father he could be and give everything Daniella needed. It was crazy because he hadn’t even met her yet, but he already loved her and wanted to protect her from the cruel world.
It was at that moment that Buck vowed to himself that he would try his very best for her.
He was about to tell the social worker that, yes, he’d be willing to take on the responsibility to being Daniella’s father, but she continued to speak after a few moments of letting Buck process the information
"However, there is a catch."
He didn't like the sound of that.
"What kind of catch?" Eddie asked for him before realizing it and immediately told Buck, "Sorry."
He shook his head. "It's okay."
Apparently Deidra was okay with Eddie also asking for him since she answered. "There is another person who would also technically have legal rights to Daniella."
Buck arched a brow. "Was she married?"
She shook her head. "No. But, apparently Camilla didn't think she'd ever talk to you or found you - we don't know for sure - but she had already made her brother the legal guardian to Daniella in the case that something happened to her. However, if you really are Daniella's biological father and want to take on that responsibility then once both the State of California and State of Texas deem you fit as her father you will have full custody."
"Texas?" Eddie asked.
She nodded. "That is where Camilla was from and Daniella currently lives."
"I'm sensing a 'but'." Buck told her.
Deidra gave him an intent look. " But , if Camilla's brother doesn't want who I'm assuming is a total stranger to raise his niece then he can file for full custody. Now, there's no guarantee that he'll win but there's still that risk. "
Buck’s entire body tensed. Of course. If Maddie had ended up having a baby, before meeting Chimney and having Jee-Yun, with someone he never met and she gave him guardianship only for the baby to go with a complete and total stranger? Yeah he'd fight too.
“The best outcome for Daniella, however, would be if once you meet her and her uncle, you two can come to some sort of agreement together. Whether that means he’s willing to let you continue with full custody or you share custody would be up to you two. With the social services monitoring as well. ”
Buck nodded. He wanted to be there for his daughter, be there for her like Maddie was for him but also give her everything that he didn’t have. A parent who was there for her, present in her life. Who never let her think that she was unloved.
But he didn’t want to take her away from her family either. So would it be best for Daniella if he just let her be with her family who she already knew than taking her hundreds of miles away to LA? Even if that was what he decided - the idea of it alone made his heart ache - Buck still wanted to be in her life as much as possible.
Would he be willing to move to wherever she lived in Texas just to be there for her? The answer was an immediate yes.
He hadn’t even met her yet and yet if Buck needed to, he was willing to move away from the family who he had in the past tried so desperately to keep.
Sure he’d hate to leave Maddie and Jee-Yun when his niece was only two months old. But he’d facetime all of the time and be in their lives as much as possible. And the same with the rest of his 118 family.
Yes, he’d rather not leave them and it would hurt more than anything in the world if he had to leave his life here behind. But if push came to shove he didn’t see a world where he had a daughter and wasn’t physically in her life as much as possible.
Then suddenly Christopher and Eddie popped in his mind and his heart ached.
And just the idea of leaving his Diaz boys seemed so unfathomable to him. Even if they had Ana in their life now.
If Eddie’s relationship with the vice principal would continue to progress then they would just drift apart even more. Even if both he and Eddie would forever remain best friends, things were changing while the man had his family unit to focus on, and now so did Buck.
However, even if things were changing, he still wanted to do everything in his power to not lose the Diaz boys, and his 118 family in general.
After all, Buck had promised Chris that he would never leave him. He couldn’t break that promise, even if he kept on having to remind himself that Christopher was in fact not his kid.
Buck’s head was spinning.
But, he had some time to decide everything. And hopefully, as Diedra said, when he met Daniella and her uncle that they’d come to some sort of agreement.
Buck was determined to be the best for his daughter and be in her life while also still being in Christopher’s. He didn’t know how everything was going to go yet, but he knew no matter what he was going to figure it out. He owed both Chrisopher and Daniella that.
And for right now he was going to take it one step at a time.
"Where is Daniella now?" Buck asked, the determination pumping in his veins.
"She's in Austin where she's from and currently staying with Camilla’s brother and his boyfriend."
Austin? Maybe he could crash at TK's while he met his daughter and her family.
"Could I meet her?"
"Of course. After we get that positive DNA test which will only take a couple of days. In the meantime you can contact the uncle to decide whether it’d be best for you to go down there or for them to come here. If you need time we can talk to him and make the arrangements instead. Either way we'd be monitoring. "
He just slowly nodded. "I would like to contact the uncle.” It scared him half to death, but if he was going to be a father then he couldn’t let that stop him from doing what he’d needed to.
It’d be better for him to create some sort of relationship with Daniella and her family as soon as he could. He just hoped they’d like him. And, most importantly, that he could tell whether or not they were treating Daniella well.
"Excellent." She then began to scribble something on a piece of paper before giving it to Buck. "This is his number. And this is his boyfriend's number just in case you can't reach him."
Buck took the paper and when he looked at both of the names, he let out a sort of hysterical laugh.
On the top of the paper had a phone number and a name above it which read: Carlos Reyes.
He didn't see the bottom just yet at first so he thought there was a possibility that there was another Carlos Reyes that wasn't the boyfriend of his friend from Texas.
But then his eyes quickly went to the second name and number.
And there, written in big letters was the name: TK Strand.