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Riz stands in the corner of Ostentatia Wallace’s backyard patio, far from the chaos of the chicken fight in the pool and beer pong tournament under the fairy lights strung up along the deck.
He’s holding a half-empty solo cup with cheap beer he had given up on pretending to like about an hour into the party, watching as his friends and classmates stumble and laugh and dance to the beat of a pulsing song. Sophomore year had ended somewhat unceremoniously, with their spring break quest basically permitting them to slack off the rest of the year (although some had been doing it before). Classes had finished earlier in the day, and before nightfall, dozens of junior adventurers were getting trashed in the backyard and basement of 69420 Spelljammer Lane.
Riz didn’t mind the party, wouldn’t even mind the alcohol if it was good, but it was different to ‘let loose’ with a group of practical strangers than it was with his closest friends. Adaine had skipped out on the party to help Aelwyn study for her GED exam that was coming up, so he was alone in his ‘I want to be social but I don’t want to get too drunk to remember what happened tomorrow’ bubble.
He’s impressed, as always, with how easily the other Bad Kids mingled with their peers. Gorgug and Kristen sat with Zelda and Danielle in the basement, smoking herbal concoctions Danielle had developed herself. Fig is singing karaoke in between dancing with other students to the thrumming music blasting from large speakers. Fabian is easy to spot, leaning against the beer pong table as the game had come to a halt, talking with Carie from the theater department.
They were all close with the Seven Maidens, of course, but Riz felt strange barging into a conversation that wasn’t explicitly started with him. He had talked with Penny for a while at the beginning of the night before she had been challenged by Katja to do a round of shots of Sol-knows-what, and he had made small talk with some of his rogue classmates, but for the most part, he kept to himself.
It was strange to see how differently people treated them after they had come back from their quest to the Forest of the Nightmare King, Riz specifically. Maybe it was the couple dozen tattoos that he allowed to peek out at school (he still had no idea how he was going to tell his mom about those, he hoped it would be a conversation for much later) or how he didn’t keep his head down anymore when he walked around the halls. People often started up conversations with him in between classes, and a handful of clubs had asked him to join once school had started up again. Fig had dubbed him ‘officially popular’ and attempted to get him to run for prom king. Thankfully, it didn’t work.
A large hand claps him on the back and Riz nearly falls forward into the dirt, but the hand grabs the back of his shirt and pulls him up with ease.
“Woah, sorry dude!” Ragh laughs and stumbles a little as he situates himself next to Riz. “Forget you’re so small sometimes.” He pats Riz’s head affectionately, and Riz can’t help but smile.
“What’s up, Ragh?” He asks.
“So, we need a ref for the next pong tourney ‘cus Cody fuckin’ bailed on us. You down?”
Cody, the Kodiak bear, had lumbered into the pool and was happily lounging in the shallow end.
Riz shrugs. “Sure.” Better than standing in the corner watching people have fun.
“Hell yeah dude!” Ragh slaps him on the back again, lighter this time. “We’re good to go, boys, I’m about to kick your asses!”
Fabian feels like he’s on top of the world.
He’s leaning on the beer pong table, chatting with a handsome tiefling from the theater department一he’d forgotten his name sometime after he had introduced himself一and his head feels lighter than air. The dwarven vodka Ostentatia kept around the house and the sweet-smelling smoke that swirled around the basement were certainly factors in that, but the tiefling’s hand on his arm was definitely helping.
“一I just think that someone of your skillset would be perfect for a more dance-heavy show. We only have a few strong dancers, most of the regulars are movers, y’know?”
“Uh-huh.” Fabian nods, despite not really knowing at all what the tiefling was saying.
“So maybe next year you’ll consider auditioning?” The tiefling looks at him hopefully.
“Yeah, sure.” Fabian says. He’s distracted by the first few buttons that had popped open at the top of the tiefling’s shirt; he would have agreed to pretty much anything.
“Gods, you’re a lifesaver! You won’t regret this.” The tiefling says, kissing Fabian quickly on the cheek before strutting off into the crowd. Fabian touches a finger to his cheek and smiles widely, completely to himself. Best. Party. Ever.
“We’re good to go, boys, I’m about to kick your asses! ” Ragh yells, pulling Fabian out of his daze. Ragh is walking forward with Riz under his arm, looking significantly more sober than the rest of the partygoers.
Fabian shoves a cup of clear liquid toward him (he didn’t remember what it was, but he knew it was good). “Drink this, you’re not enforcing any rules on us.”
Riz makes a face but takes the cup anyway. “Rules are good sometimes, y’know.”
“Rules are meant to be broken.” Fabian winks at Riz, a little move he learned from Fig to grant his bardic inspiration.
Riz rolls his eyes, but there’s no malice in it. He positions himself at the center of the table, eyes flicking between Ragh and Fabian as they re-rack the cups.
“Okay, two re-racks, no blowing, elbows can’t go over the table. Go nuts.” Riz says, and downs half of his cup in one gulp. Fabian feels a tug in his gut as he watches him. Riz has changed so much since they first met, and Fabian feels the scratching voice at the back of his head growing louder every day. You love him.
Of course, he loves Riz, he loves all the Bad Kids. With the amount of shit they’ve been through together, it was impossible not to. Fig is practically a sister to him, Gorgug a brother. They were his best friends in the world, he would do anything for them.
However, as much as he tried to ignore it, Riz was becoming more and more someone he didn’t just want to be friends with. It was the small things, like how he smiled at Fabian when he made his stupid jokes, or when he asked Fabian for help on an investigation he was working on even though he wouldn’t be that much help. It was how the gentle brush of their hands made Fabian think he was going to vibrate out of his skin, how when Riz fell asleep on his shoulder after a night with friends he could cry.
Fabian chugs the cup Ragh had thrown the ball into and silently makes a resolution to himself. He’s going to tell Riz how he feels, no matter what happens.
Riz’s face grows warm as the Dwarven vodka’s heat spreads through his body. He feels relaxed, still aware enough of his surroundings to notice when Fig trips and falls into the pool, laughing the whole way down. But he feels good as he watches Fabian sink another ball into one of the cups in front of Ragh, jumping around like a child and shouting in victory.
He tries to stay focused on monitoring the game, but he can feel the intensity of Fabian’s stare like a hole in his temple. The few times he turns to meet Fabian’s gaze, he has to look away. The look in Fabian’s eye is indescribable, intense, and overwhelming. It feels like he’s taking Riz apart with his mind, but it’s not malevolent. Riz has only seen that look a few times before, the first being at this very house, right after Aelwyn had grabbed Fabian by the collar and kissed him so violently Riz thought he would break.
Fabian had talked about Aelwyn with him, even though Riz was easily the least qualified to talk about romance with (Adaine wasn’t much better, but Fabian had enough sense to avoid talking about kissing her sister when she was in the room). Riz did his best to be there for his friend, especially when he was eating a carton of ice cream and crying quietly in Riz’s office at 2 A.M., but it was hard when he didn’t know a thing about relationships or romance. That was a lie. He knew the basics; his mom and dad had always emphasized communication above all else, and he had picked up on some things from his friend’s relationships, but he was no expert. He had briefly considered getting a book on the subject, but Adaine had quickly shot that idea down.
Fabian wasn’t all that receptive to Riz’s advice most of the time either, which could get frustrating. Most conversations went along these lines:
“I’m having this problem with Aelwyn.”
“You should talk to her about it.”
“No, that would be weird.”
He loved Fabian to death, but sometimes he made Riz want to slam his head into a desk drawer.
Fabian sinks his ball perfectly into Ragh’s last remaining cup, whooping and hollering as he runs around the table. He grabs Riz and spins him around quickly before dropping him back to the ground. Ragh crushes the empty cup against his head and playfully flips Fabian off.
“Fuck you, dude.” Ragh smiles. Riz notices Fabian’s eye narrow and a sly smile flashes across his face. He can hear what Fabian is about to say before the words leave his lips.
“In your dreams, Barkrock.” He winks again, and Riz takes that as his cue to slip away. He knows nothing will happen, but Ragh and Fabian’s joke-flirting got pretty graphic, especially when alcohol was involved, and Riz didn’t need to hear that.
Walking through the crowd was slightly more bearable when his brain felt like TV static. The soles of his feet only touch the ground briefly, and Riz finds himself dancing to the upbeat song that’s blasting from the speakers. It’s a complete juxtaposition to his last party here (if you could even call it that). There are no sniveling Hudol boys, no murderous elemental cheerleaders, and possibly best of all, no girls trapped in palimpsests.
Riz can replay the battle in his head like a movie. He sees Fig hanging from the second-story window, Gorgug holding onto her ankles. He watches as Adaine blinks out of the material plane and Riz is left alone, holding his gun with shaking hands, desperately looking around for an enemy that he cannot predict will pop up where he can get a good shot. Remembers how his ankle twists as he falls onto Aelwyn with his rapier, the scar on her neck still visible when she wears her hair up. How he goes down twice, hard, at the hands of Aelwyn Abernant, someone he would consider a friend now.
He only realizes he’s standing at the base of the chimney when he can no longer hear Ragh’s loud laughter. The bricks leading up to the roof are just uneven enough to serve as hand and footholds should Riz choose to climb up them. He can hear his mother’s voice in the back of his mindー Riz Gukgak, if you climb onto a roof drunk? It’s your ass.
He fought the Nightmare King, he can handle falling off a roof.
Riz nimbly scales the chimney and finds himself overlooking the backyard with a bird’s-eye view. It’s a great place to people-watch, he notes. Although his vision isn’t as sharp as it could be thanks to the alcohol, he can see pretty much everything happening on the lawn below. He quickly spots most of his friends, but after a second, and a third scan of the crowd, he can’t find Fabian.
Fabian notices Riz has disappeared after Ragh has him in a headlock on the ground next to the beer pong table. He taps out of it and rolls onto the grass, breath stuttering from Ragh’s incredibly strong grip.
“You up for another round?” Ragh asks. In all honesty, Fabian could definitely use a couple of more drinks in him, but he shakes his head.
“Nah, man. I’m good for now. I think I’m gonna go find The Ball.”
Ragh raises his eyebrows but doesn’t push it. “No problem, dude. See you ‘round.”
Fabian gets to his feet and begins to scan the crowd. He quickly spots the other Bad Kids; Fig, somehow completely drenched, standing with a group of goth-looking kids and talking animatedly; Kristen and Gorgug, having exited the basement, sitting in a circle with some of the Seven Maidens playing a card game of sorts.
He turns in a complete circle, but still can’t seem to find Riz. On a complete whim, he looks up at the night sky, clear of clouds with pinpricks of stars spread across it like freckles. He sees a solitary figure sitting on the roof of the house, his face lit from the lights below.
“Of course you’re on the roof.” Fabian says to himself, exasperated. He vaguely remembers how to get up there, but he also remembers how difficult it was their freshman year. Of course, they were being attacked by Aelwyn and her elemental cheerleaders, but still. A ladder would be nice.
Fabian moves as quickly as he can through the house, trying not to arouse any suspicion. He passes the bathroom on the second floor and can hear what sounds like people hooking up and nearly sprints down the hallway. Some people have no shame, he thinks.
The master bedroom is unlocked, thank gods, and Fabian pulls himself onto the roof through the open window. He carefully makes his way up the roof to the other side, where Riz is sitting with his back turned.
“Planning on jumping someone again?” Fabian asks, sitting down next to Riz. He startles for a second, and Fabian worries he’s about to have a gun pulled on him, but he relaxes just as quickly.
“Thinking about it.” Riz replies, a small smile on his face. Fabian can’t help the way his heart flutters at that, and his stomach flips as he remembers what he came up here to do.
They sit in comfortable silence for a moment, looking down at the party below them. Riz swings his feet like a little kid over the edge of the roof, Fabian’s crossed at his ankles.
“Better party than the last time we were here.” Fabian says. He can see Ragh talking with Gorgug, arm around his shoulders.
Riz nods. “Definitely.”
“Nobody trying to kill us.”
“No girls trapped in crystals.” Riz breathes like a sigh of relief. Fabian remembers how hard Riz took Ostentatia’s capture, although he did his best not to show it. It seems like he didn’t sleep or eat for weeks, only working on how to get her out of the crystal and sustaining himself on half a dozen cups of coffee each day.
In all the time he’s known Riz, he’s very seldom seen him truly relaxed. It’s a rare, welcome occasion when Riz lets his guard down, allows himself to just exist without trying to solve some problem. Even when he sleeps, he’s tense, curled up in a ball, and able to wake up at a moment’s notice.
Fabian can tell he’s relaxed now, though, probably thanks to the alcohol he’s been drinking.
“It feels like so long ago, but like it happened yesterday at the same time.” Fabian says.
Riz furrows his brow. “I guess, but it feels like a while to me. Maybe time is different for you, being a half-elf.”
“Maybe. I don’t really know.” Fabian shrugs.
“It’s like, spring break wasn’t that long ago, but I feel like it was. Two months feels like a lifetime.”
“I mean, a lot happened during spring break, to be fair. It was like two weeks of non-stop action.”
Riz nods. “Yeah, I got kidnapped by Fig and my dad’s old partner. And that was, like, a footnote in the whole story.”
“It was a pretty big deal for us. You disappeared in the middle of the night after fighting an evil shadow version of yourself. That’s crazy.”
It was especially a big deal for Fabian. He remembers the way his heart sank after hearing Riz’s voicemail message, knowing immediately something was very, very wrong. He still has nightmares about shadow Riz’s contorted and broken bones cracking, its head twisting back to latch onto Fabian’s good eye with sharp teeth.
He pushes the memory aside.
“Did I ever tell you what happened after we found out you were missing?”
Riz looks confused. “Yeah, you fought the thing in my office and it tried to bite your eye out?”
“No, the other thing,” Fabian says, feeling his cheeks flush. It’s funny, in retrospect, now that he’s aware of his crush on Riz, but it’s still a little embarrassing.”I一it’s kind of stupid, but… I went to the mall with Sandralynn to help with this break-in that happened. It ended up being that Fig was the one who did the breaking-in, but that’s beside the point. I tried to do what you would do in that situation, and一y’know how you bite things a lot?”
“I don’t bite things a lot.” Riz laughs.
“Yes you do, anyway一”
“No, I don’t!”
“You’re very bitey, The Ball, let me get to the point.” Riz shakes his head, but doesn’t protest.
“Anyways, I was doing that, and I accidentally bit a piece of glass and Sandralynn had to give me a goodberry, but it was fine. Ragh found me and he said he bites glass all the time”
“That’s not normal, I think Ragh was just trying to make you feel better.” Riz laughs. Fabian smiles at him.
“I was incredibly stressed out, I wasn’t thinking straight!”
“Clearly not!” Riz says.
“I was very worried about you. I care about you a lot. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you and I couldn’t help.”
“I care about you too, Fabian. Just please don’t bite glass for me.”
“I’d do a lot more than bite glass to make sure you were okay.”
Fabian looks at Riz in earnest then, trying to convey everything he couldn’t bring himself to say. Riz blushes and looks down at his feet. The sounds of the party seem to quiet as Fabian looks at him, heart pounding in his chest.
“Riz?” Fabian says, quietly, all the usual bravado gone from his voice. Riz looks up at him, eyes wide. Here goes nothing.
When he looks up at Fabian again, Riz has to stop himself from breaking eye contact. Fabian’s gaze is so intense, enough to burn him with a glance. His face is lit from the lights of the party below, casting the right side of his face in shadow so only his good eye is showing.
In almost two years of knowing Fabian, Riz has seen him change so much. He’s become more compassionate, let go of his need for superiority over others, and is now one of his best friends. Fabian is a good person, someone who cares about his friends fiercely, selflessly.
Riz has never been great at reading social situations. He knows how to get to the bottom of things, find the answers to the questions he’s looking for. He doesn’t care for polite conversation. He knows that sometimes he comes off as overly intense, rude, even. But he doesn’t really mind, as long as he gets the clues.
Riz has never been good at reading social situations, but the way Fabian is looking at him is undeniable. His stomach twists in an uncomfortable way, like he’s about to have a panic attack, and he doesn’t really know what to do. He feels like he’s under a microscope.
The world around them comes into uncomfortable focus, Riz painfully aware of every little sound and movement. His hands are shaking at his sides as his breath begins to pick up. Fabian leans in, the air turns electric and thick like an approaching storm.
“Can I kiss you?” Fabian asks. His eye is pleading, begging Riz to say yes. He can’t deny that.
“Yeah.” His voice is barely a whisper, just loud enough for Fabian to hear. Fabian’s hand reaches up to cup his cheek, his thumb gently grazing the side of his face. Riz shivers, a feeling like an electric shock goes down his spine. The moments pass like hours as Fabian leans in, Riz’s heartbeat a pounding drum in his chest. He’s thankful that Fabian’s hearing isn’t as good as his own.
When Fabian finally presses his lips to Riz’s, it’s not at all like when he kissed Aelwyn. It’s oh so gentle and timid, like he’s afraid he’ll break Riz if he doesn’t do it right. His lips are soft, his breath like sweet liquor on Riz’s tongue. It’s not… bad, per se, but Riz can only feel his heart racing. When his friends talked about kissing, they made it sound like the best thing in the world. Like everything would make sense as you kissed the person you liked. Like it was some magical experience with fireworks going off in the background and the screen fading to black in a movie. Riz doesn’t feel like that at all. He feels anxious, and he feels guilty, because Fabian clearly wants this but Riz doesn’t.
Fabian pulls away and Riz can’t bear to look at the crestfallen expression on his face.
“I’m sorry.” Fabian says. “I一I should go. I’m sorry Riz.”
Riz snaps his head up and grabs Fabian’s wrist as he’s getting up to leave, but Fabian pulls it away like he’s been burned. Riz feels like he could cry.
“Fabian, it’s okay一”
“No, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m being a dick.”
“Stay.” Riz pleads and grabs Fabian’s wrist again. “It’s not you. Trust me.”
“Really?” Fabian says, a bitter edge to his voice.
“Really.” Riz lets go of Fabian’s wrist, moves his hand up to rest in Fabian’s. “I just don’t think… kissing is for me.”
Fabian nods, his lips pressed into a tight line. Riz can tell he’s holding his breath.
“Then why did you say yes?” He asks, voice shaking. Riz’s heart breaks a little. He doesn’t really know why he said yes. Maybe he was curious about what it would feel like. Maybe it’s because he can’t say no to Fabian no matter how hard he tries.
“Because you’re my friend. I love you.”
Fabian winces like the words cut him. Riz can see the tears welling up in his eye and feels the guilt burning at his face.
“Not the same way that I do.” Fabian says.
“Not the same way that you do.” Riz repeats. Fabian looks away, biting his lip hard. Riz watches as a tear falls from his face and it’s all he can do to keep his composure.
“I’m sorry.” He manages, cursing the way his voice cracks.
“Please don’t apologize,” Fabian says. “It’s nothing to be sorry for. You’re not obligated to like me… how I like you.”
“Maybe I could someday, I don’t know.” Riz looks up at Fabian and lets the tears that had been welling up behind his eyes finally fall. “You shouldn’t waste your time on me when you’ll get nothing out of it.”
Fabian narrows his brows. “Don’t say that about yourself. I don’t think I’m wasting my time at all. I don’t think any time I spend with you is wasted.”
Riz closes his eyes. “I can’t be what you want. I don’t want to kiss people, or date, or do anything like that. I don’t know if I ever will. But you do, and you should get to do that.”
“If you wanted to, I would wait for you.” Fabian squeezes Riz’s hand. “I… really like you. I love you, Riz. You don’t have to do any of that stuff, I don’t care. I just want to be with you, however you’ll let me.”
“I一” Riz sighs. “I have to think about it. I’m sorry, I just don’t know.”
“That’s okay. I don’t need an answer tomorrow.” Fabian gently rubs his thumb along Riz’s knuckles. “I’m sorry for ruining your night.”
“If anything I ruined your night.” Riz laughs, no humor in it, and meets Fabian’s gaze. “No more apologies.”
“No more apologies.” Fabian nods.
Riz looks down at the backyard, at the party to celebrate another successful year at Aguefort. “I’m not really up to party anymore.”
“Do you want me to take you home?” Fabian asks.
“Please.”
“Alright,” Fabian brings Riz’s hand up to his mouth and gently kisses it. “Let’s go.”