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Old people talk about gay things

Summary:

After season 3 is over, the elder gays decide to satisfy everyone's curiosity a bit.

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Twitter Livestream transcript

 

Question: What are your pronouns? 

 

Erwin: He/they. 

Levi: None. Do not perceive me. 

Erwin: Can I perceive you? 

Levi: … I guess. 

Erwin: [laughs] I feel so honored.

Levi: You should. 

 

Q: How did the end of season three feel? 

 

L: It was awful. Even as just a character thing. 

E: Did you mourn me at all? 

L: No. The situation sucked ass, but you weren't really dead. 

E: Didn't you cry? 

L: What? No I didn't.

 

The chat is suddenly flooded with pictures and gifs of Ackerman with tears in his eyes after Smith's death. 

 

Q: Congratulations on the marriage! 

E: Thank you! 

L: That's not a question. 

E: But it was a sweet sentiment. 

L: … Fine. I'll allow it just this once. 

 

Q: Was the marriage at all spurred on by the death of Erwin's character? 

 

L: No. He proposed during the final stages of filming for season two, the break between part one and two of season three was just too short for our liking for a honeymoon, so we postponed the marriage. 

E: Actually, I'll admit that the ending made me rush a little bit. 

L: Why? 

E: It made me think about my own mortality, and I wanted to be married to the one I love before I died.

L: You're so weird. 

 

Q: Is Levi as much of a neat freak as Ackerman? 

 

E: Not really. Levi's scared of bugs, though, so the house is always pretty clean. 

L: I'm not scared of them, I'm disgusted. There's a difference. 

E: Regardless, I'm the one who gets rid of bugs. 

L: You don't "get rid" of them, you take them outside of the house so that they can re-enter within a day without any consequences. 

E: My love, just because you've decided to wage a war against insects doesn't mean I'm going to join you. 

 

Q: Is Erwin a twink or a hunk? 

 

L: What the fuck is a twink? 

E: Levi's a twinkie. 

 

Q: How long have you had a fake arm? 

 

E: Gosh, it's been about 20 years now hasn't it Levi? 

L: I still think that was really fucking stupid of you to do. 

E: It was absolutely brilliant. 

L: But why get the chicken involved? 

E: You wouldn't understand. 

 

Q: Do you two have any pets?

 

E: Yes! We have a pomeranian. 

L: He's a little bastard. 

E: His name is Wren. 

L: He's not allowed near small children or elderly people. 

E: He has the cutest little face. 

L: If he had the ability to do so he would kill millions without hesitation. 

E: He's a cream Sable! 

L: He's a monster. 

 

Q: Considering your background, how did you get cast as Ackerman? 

 

L: Nepotism. 

E: Come on, it wasn't like that! I just suggested you to them. 

L: Still nepotism. 

 

Q: Hottest cast member? 

 

L: None of them. I turn 39 this year and the oldest person besides me, Erwin, or the other actual adults within the show is 24. They're practically children. 

E: Well if you ask me, it's Levi. 

L: I'm pretty sure they meant besides each other. 

E: I'm not changing my answer. 

 

Q: Are you sad to be leaving the show?

 

E: A little bit, but I understand that it was necessary for the plot. 

L: I think they just got annoyed that you kept leaving your arm everywhere. 

E: I can't help that I don't have object permanence.

L: You'd lose your head if it wasn't attached to you, as proven by the arm.

 

Q: Favorite person to work with?

 

E: Dot. He's a very interesting person, and he tells great stories. 

L: Mikasa. 

E: I wasn't expecting that. How come? 

L: She's a very polite young woman. And she gave me advice at times. 

 

Q: It's understandable why Ackerman is so short, but why is Levi? 

 

E: I don't think that's--

L: So I can be closer to hell. Next question.

 

Q: How long have you two known each other? 

 

E: Almost 35 years, right? 

L: 34 years, 10 months, 25 days. We've been dating for 14.

E: When you say it like that, I'm surprised you didn't get impatient about getting married. 

L: We couldn't get married for a while. Why would I have been impatient? 

E: I mean, I still waited a couple years after that just to propose. 

L: You're overthinking it. I wouldn't have cared when we got married.

 

Q: Why is Levi so matter-of-fact about everything? 

 

L: Because one of us has to be grounded in reality. 

E: Levi's always been like that, even when we were kids. 

 

Q: Favorite character besides your own?

 

E: Historia. She's come into her own now and I'm looking forward to seeing how she does as a ruler. 

L: Braun. The character has a very interesting premise. 

 

Q: Is it difficult differentiating with three Ackerman characters? 

 

L: A little bit, but we've found a way to differentiate. 

E: Levi is Ackerman, Mikasa is Lady Ackerman, and Kenny is Uncle Ackerman. 

L: The kids used to sometimes try to be funny and call me Ackermanlet, but they know better now. 

 

Q: Least favorite character? 

 

L: Uncle Ackerman. Nothing against Kenny, he just reminds me of someone I'd rather forget. 

E: Springer. His character doesn't always seem to serve a purpose. 

 

Q: Levi, do you think Ackerman will survive to the end of the series? 

 

L: I wouldn't be surprised if they killed him right after he fulfills his promise to Smith. If he ever fulfills it, that is. 

E: You think he won't? 

L: I think this show can be very cruel. 

 

Q: Thoughts on Jeager? 

 

L: Bitchboy. 

E: Unremarkable as a protagonist. Eren himself is… 

L: Not much better. 

 

Q: Do you think you'll ever have kids?

 

E: Probably not. I think we're getting too close to the age where it'd be unfair for the kid, anyway. 

L: No. I couldn't be a parent. Not a good one, at least. 

E: Levi…

L: Let's just move on. 

 

Q: If you were an animal, what would you be? 

 

L: A ferret. 

E: Wow, that was quick. Have you thought about this before? 

L: … No. 

E: I think I'd be… a lion. 

L: You'd be a golden retriever and you know it. 

 

Q: What was your favorite subject in school? 

 

E: Chemistry. There were a lot of hands on activities, and learning about the different interactions was fun. 

L: I dropped out of high school within a month. 

E: Much to my mother's dismay. 

L: I couldn't keep up. 

E: I still brought you my homework though. What of that did you like? 

L: English? 

E: But I thought you hated the symbolism analysis. 

L: It was a challenge. I like those, even if I get frustrated. 

 

Q: Did the rest of the cast already know you had a prosthetic? 

 

E: Dot knew, I think. The rest didn't until the day we filmed the last episode of season two. 

L: Conny screamed when he saw you walking around without an arm. 

E: Poor guy.

 

Q: Do you ship the characters? 

 

E: "Ship"? Like send them through postage? 

L: Why would you ship them? 

E: It'd be pretty difficult to get most of them into a box.

L: You'd have to break pretty much every bone in their body for a standard box. 

E: Maybe a large crate would work? Or a freighter?

L: That'd probably work. 

E: But still… why do such a thing?

 

Q: Who gave the most memorable first impression? 

 

E: Hange. 

L: Yeah. 

E: I don't think I've ever been called a slut before that. 

L: Maybe we weren't trying hard enough. 

 

Q: Go-to karaoke song? 

 

E: I don't really do karaoke that much, I generally just pick whatever I recognize from the list. 

L: We went once in 2003 for a mutual friend's 21st birthday and he got drunk, then decided that he was Céline Dion. 

E: [laughs] Don't tell them about that! 

L: He pretty much screamed the entirety of "My Heart will go On" before he broke down crying on the floor. 

E: It was a very emotional song for me in that moment. 

L: He pretty much stopped drinking after that. Was too embarrassing, I guess. 

E: Cherry got the whole thing on video… it's still on a VHS tape somewhere. 

 

Q: Did your parents say anything about your marriage?

 

L: No. Mine are dead, and even if they weren't I don't think we would've kept in touch for this long. 

E: My mother insisted on helping us plan it, actually. [laughs] 

L: His dad cried during his speech. 

E: They really like Levi. 

L: I'm pretty sure it's just leftover pity from when I was a kid. 

E: What? No, they love you. 

 

Q: Do you all have any traditions on set? 

 

E: We have a few, but my favorite one is where before we start filming a season, all the cast gets together to make a video of us all singing that season's intro. 

L: They always drag me into it. 

E: Then once we finish filming a season, everyone whose character is still alive by the end gets together to sing the end theme. It started out as a joke, but by season two it became a bit of a tradition. We even have rehearsals for it!

L: Someday one of those kids are gonna post those videos, and I hope I'm dead by then. 

E: Why? You have a nice singing voice. 

L: I don't sing. It's not my style. 

E: You used to sing to yourself all the time when we were kids. 

L: That was different. I was… stimming? Is that what it's called? 

 

Q: Levi is autistic?

 

L: I got diagnosed a couple years ago. 

E: [laughs] The man at reception thought I was Levi's father. 

L: I have wrinkles and I shave. What the fuck screams 'child' about me? 

E: You have wrinkles? Where? Let me see! 

L: Why are you so invested in me having wrinkles? 

E: Because I think they'd look cute on you. 

L: I'm not cute. 

 

Q: What were you like as kids?

 

E: Levi was really quiet. But once angry Levi got violent. [laughs] 

L: I didn't know that it wasn't okay. I wasn't living with your family yet. 

E: I guess. What was I like? 

L: You were a popular kid. Had five girlfriends most of the time. 

E: What? When? 

L: Primary school. 

E: Wow… I was a player. 

L: One of them started putting dirt and sand inside my bag, so I punched her in the jaw. That ended your girlfriend spree. 

E: You… punched her? 

L: Primary school. 

 

Q: How long did it take for you two to get together? 

 

L: He says they were trying for a couple years. 

E: You're surprisingly oblivious Levi. 

L: We just started going places more often? 

E: I sang 'my heart will go on' for you! 

L: That was for me? 

E: Yeah.

L: You're lucky I didn't know this back then. It was awful. 

E: [laughs] 

L: Did you start crying afterwards because I wasn't moved or something? 

E: Actually, I started crying because I was imagining our life together the entire time? 

L: ... 

E: And the song ended as we were taking our final breaths in hospital beds next to each other. 

L: ....... 

E: We were holding hands. 

L: What the fuck is wrong with you? 

E: Your mind doesn't always work properly when you're drunk and have a crush. 

L: Apparently so. 

 

Q: Did you play Smith and Ackerman romantically? 

 

E: Yes. 

L: No. 

E: You did! Ackerman spent more time watching Smith than he did killing titans. 

L: Smith was the hope of mankind. Ackerman watched to protect him. 

E: Then why did you have him cry? 

L: ... 

L: I'm done here. 

 

Levi then proceeded to stand and walk off screen. 

 

E: Levi! [laughs] Don't start pouting! 

L: [unintelligible] 

E: Come on, please? I'll do anything! 

L: [unintelligible] 

E: Sure you won't cry again?

 

Levi presumably leaves the room entirely at this point. Erwin stands up. 

 

E: [laughs] I should probably go after Levi. Thanks for tuning in, everyone! 

 

Livestream ends. 

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