Archive of Our Own

It was as dark as always in S, which literally meant it was as if it were broad daylight with the amount of light there was all around, while Cherry was riding Carla as the AI told her when to duck to avoid Adam’s Love Hug.

Then as sudden as lightning was during a storm, Adam was coming from her yet again. And as much as Kaoru knew this couldn’t be real, it all seemed to slow down just to make sure every painful second got burned in her memory so that she wouldn’t be able to forget any single detail of the moment she was living.
Adam was running towards her, his board in his hands, swinging it and going for her head.
The awful sound the impact made when the board hit her face. How it felt as she fell backwards and the shock she felt when the back of her head hit the ground and her vision blurred.

What shocked Cherry the most though, was how she didn’t feel any pain at all. She felt completely weightless in that moment, not even as Adam spoke to her to tell her that the reason he never accepted her beefs was because she found her and her skating boring.
And that scarred the most because she knew those words should make her heart break.
And they did break her heart, she just didn’t feel any of it as her eyes closed, Joe kneeling next to her, sounds and light disappearing as everything faded to black.

Kaoru’s eyes wide open as she gasped for air as she woke up from that nightmare,a tear rolling down her cheek.
While her breathing got even again, Kaoru tried to incorporate into a sitting position, she realized she was at the hospital again.
Oh, so it wasn’t just a nightmare… Kaoru thought, a frown appearing in her face.

But most importantly, how was she back at the hospital? She did remember sneaking out of it in Carla’s wheelchair form, and going to Sia La Luce to bother Kojiro and also show him how it wasn’t as bad as he probably thought.
She remembered complaining about the wine and whatever, Kojiro complaining about this and that and calling her annoying, his words slowly getting more and more difficult to discern as her eyes closed again, not hearing whatever Kojiro’s soothing voice was saying to her anymore.

And speaking of Kojiro, that green haired muscle head was right there in the hospital room with her, his head resting in Kaoru’s bed, one of his hands holding hers, eyes closed and face looking completely calm and in peace, looking so handsome and innocent in this moment, making a soft smile appear in her face, as she freed her hand from Kojiro’s hold to run it through his soft messy curls.

At some point while she did this, Kojiro must have woken up because now he had a smug expression as he had caught Kaoru with her guard down, which made her just put her back hand in her lap and look away with an embarrassed pout.
“You didn’t need to stop, it actually felt really good…” Kojiro said as he sat up straight, his bones cracking as if complaining about the bad position he had fallen asleep in.

“But now that you have stopped and we’re both as awake as we can be at shit o’clock of the night, I need to tell you something.” and the tone made Kaoru look back at him as, for once, Kojiro sounded serious, worriness painted all over his features.
“As much as I loved your impromptu visit at my restaurant, you totally shouldn’t have.” Kojiro started “It is already my fault that you got injured since I didn’t try hard enough to stop you from going against Adam even if I knew he would do some of his weird shit.” Kojio stopped, taking a moment to put his thoughts in order before continuing
“Like, I didn't expect him to ge that violent but I knew he would fucking try something. And you sneaking up out of the hospital while we don’t even know how bad your injuries go, felling all a-okay because you’re fucking high as hell didn’t make me feel any better at all. You almost made me have a heart attack when I saw you enter through the door. For fucks sake, what the fuck were you even thinking, Kaoru?” he ended, looking at her waiting for an answer she didn’t have. So she just looked at her fidgeting hands, one going to play with a strand of hair as she always did when she was nervous or anxious, her face showing she now saw it had probably been a stupidity sneaking out.

“I just didn’t want you to worry, that it probably isn’t as bad as it seems…”her voice dying as she didn’t what else she could add, to let Kojiro know she really was sorry without actually saying she was.
“I am sorry, Kojiro.” she finally added, raising her head and looking at him so he could see she meant it.
Kojiro just sighed in response, his face telling her that he wasn’t angry at her, just worried for her, his eyes full of that characteristic emotion they showed when the two of them were alone and he thought Kaoru wouldn’t notice it. Kaoru really liked that look in them, and how it was reserved just for her, she just didn’t want to think what it actually meant because she wasn’t ready to face that just yet.

And so, Kaoru laid back again so she wouldn’t have those honey red eyes staring right at her soul, closing her eyes again, trying to get a bit more of sleep before the sun raised and the nurses came in and out to check in her and change her morphine bag and put her through several other tests and machines.
Last thing she did before sleeping again, was to tell Kojiro he should go home and sleep in a proper bed instead of in an uncomfortable hospital chair.

The following day, while the nurses took Kaoru away to run some tests and take some more RXs and CT scans to know the real extent of the injuries since, sometimes, head wounds have a retroactive effect, symptoms showing hours after the injury took place, Kojiro went home to put on clean clothes and make some food because he knew Kaoru would refuse to eat hospital food like the pampered princess they are. Kojiro also used the trip home to grab Kaoru’s weighted blanket he had at home for the days they stayed there.

Hours later, when he was back at the hospital, he found Kaoru’s grandmother, Yu-Mi, and younger twin sisters, Hana and Sayuri, there in the room, fussing a bit over them, tucking them in the knitted blanket the three women had brought them. Kojiro expected them to be there since he had been the one to call them and explained what had happened, omitting certain parts like the facts they had been at S when it happened, so Kaoru wouldn’t be alone while he was out.
So Kojiro cleared his throat to make his presence noted before awkwardly greeting the women with his limited knowledge of korean, using “안녕하세요” (An-nyeong-ha-se-yo), feeling a bit embarrassed afterwards until the women stood up to hug and greet him back.
Even with so many people around Kaoru seemed to be eerily calm and that’s when Kojiro noticed their morphine dose had been bumped up a bit and he was explained by the oldest Sakurayashiki woman that Kaoru had had a panic attack and that the pain from their injuries appeared again after the adrenaline from the shick and sneaking out had subdued.

As he was told all this, Kojiro left the weighted blanket upon reach, did Kaoru ever need it, as well as putting the food he’d cooked in the overbed table for later.
But when Kojiro was about to help Kaoru eat, a nurse came in with a serious face and told them they had the results from the different tests that had been done.
Kojiro felt himself pale when he saw the nurse's face because such a serious face couldn’t mean anything good.

The nurse told them that aside the obvious injuries like his broken legs and arms,but that luckily the broken bones wouldn’t need any surgery or to be screwed together, but that Kaoru would probably stay in a wheelchair for some months while their legs healed. And even after healing, some type of exercise would take some time to be done again if it were ever possible.
Then, the nurse proceeded to explain that the frontal lobe controlled certain hand or detailed movements, long sequence tasks, decision making and reasoning and bunch of other stuff that Kojiro didn’t remember.
The nurse said that the scans showed that while Kaoru wouldn’t suffer from paralysis but that her hand movements would probably be affected and that her hands and legs would sometimes become rigid after an extended period of using them without breaks.
She also explained that their speech might also be affected but that also was yet to be seen when Kaoru spoke, same with sudden mood swings.

The nurse told them that Kaoru would need to go through physical therapy once their legs healed and that even then Kaoru would sometimes need to use a cam¡ne to help them walk.
She also said that if Kaoru’s speech was affected, they would need speech-language therapy and that with time and practice the lisp would most probably disappear.
And that of course, they also recommended psychological therapy since Kaoru had just experienced a lot of trauma and because physically healing a body also needed a strong mind to cooperate.

Once the nurse finished saying everything she had to say about the injuries she added that Kaoru would be able to go home the following day and that they’d be informed when a check up was needed. After that, silence took over the room, no one uttering a word as they processed all that.
The first to react was Kojiro, who slowly turned to look at Kaoru to see how they had taken the news.

But Kaoru seemed unphased by it, as if they hadn’t just been told they might never skate again or that they might never be able to work as a calligrapher anymore.
Kaoru’s face wore a mask of eerie calm as if they actually weren’t there but far away due to the dosage of painkillers they were in.
That made Kojiro worry from when Kaoru realized all that and he decided then and there that he wouldn’t leave Kaoru’s side during their recovery and that, with their family’s permission, he would take Kaoru to his home where he would be able to keep an eye on them.

Next to react were Hana and Sayuri who started silently crying, trying not wanting Kaoru, Kojiro or their grandmother to see them in that state, but still the news had shaken the two teens more than they wanted to admit, and even if they didn’t make any sound, it was obvious what was going on, their eyes red and tears still at the corner of their eyes.
As for Yu-Mi, she was silently observing the scene, not crying, not talking and not getting her eyes out of Kaoru. It was obvious she was very worried for her grandchild, but she was also angry at them for being so reckless. But above all, who she was really angry at wasn’t Kaoru nor herself but Adam, because she already had an inkling of who’d sent Kaoru to the hospital even before Kaoru confirmed it to her.

And half an hour later, seeing and knowing Kaoru was in good caring hands, the Sakurayashiki family said their goodbyes promising to be back the next day before Kojiro took them home, someone knowing what Kojiro had decided, probably having read it on his face.
While the three women walked away, Kojiro took a deep breath and sighed to calm himself down and put his thoughts in order before starting to feed Kaoru, since Kaoru couldn’t move his arms much.

As he fed Kaoru his home cooked meal, he didn’t realize Miya entered the room and was looking at the scene with a smirk on their face, looking way too smug for someone that age.
He only realized the kid’s presence when he heard them snicker and called him a pining simp. Kojiro just rolled his eyes at that before saying that he would wear that “simp” as a badge of honor.
Even if they were joking for a couple more minutes, Miya’s demeanor changed soon after and asked Kojiro to tell them how badly Adam’s violent hit would affect Kaoru.
Kojiro swallowed, trying to think how to sugarcoat it for the kid before Miya stopped him and demanded to be told the truth, as hard and harsh as it would be, and so Kojiro did, hugging Miya afterwards as tears fell down their eyes.

Not long after that, the door was banged open and a dark haired person entered the room asking Kojiro about Kaoru’s state when Miya stood in front of the newcomer and the two of them looked at each other for half a minute, that seemed to stretch for an eternity, before they both asked “And who are you supposed to be?” to the other at the same time.
The dark haired person introduced himself first, he said his name was Koharu and that he was Kaoru’s twin and that he’d come from abroad where he studied on the first pane he found.
Miya looked at Koharu, then at Kaoru and back at Koharu before saying they didn’t believe a word before adding they were Kaoru’s son in process.

The two of them then stared at Kojiro, who had been watching the scene play and trying not to laugh, so he could explain what was going on.
“Miya” he started, looking at the kid, “Koharu is indeed Karou’s twin, they’re just not identical, unlike Hana and Sayuri. So, meet your third aunt, I guess.”
“And Koharu,” he said, now looking at his old friend “Miya here is indeed kind of our son, we’ll adopt them as soon as possible.”

It was then that Kaoru spoke, “Oh, I thought I heard your voice Koharu, but you can’t be here” they said while looking at their twin before closing their eyes again and turning their head away.
“Kaoru if you don’t open your eyes again I swear…” the dark haired twin started “I didn’t spend hours seated on a plane for you to ignore my existence. Also how did you forget to mention the very tiny detail that, i don’t know, ARE ADOPTING A WHOLE ASS KID? I AM YOUR TWIN I SHOULD KNOW THIS KIND OF STUFF!” he added, his voice louder with every word.

“You should’ve known how petty I can be when you left so it’s really your fault.” was the only thing Kaoru added, still not looking at Koharu.
“Not only did you steal my Sakurayashiki genes in the womb we shared but now you also ignore me? Kojiro,“ Koharu said, turning to the green haired man who, alongside Miya, had been looking at the twins as if it were a tennis match “how can you stand them when they’re so annoying?” he asked, his last words clearly meant for Kaoru to hear, which made the pink haired twin to look at their sister and acknowledge his existence with the driest “So you really are here.” they could have ever said.

After that, the two twins smiled at each other and it was as if they hadn’t been arguing not even a minute ago, Koharu asking what had happened and Kojiro explaining everythings, even telling him it was Adam, who Koharu also knew from back when they were teens, who made all this.
Koharu also talked a bit with Miya, and it turned out the two of them got quite along since Koharu was well-versed in the language of memes and Internet slang, being a computer programmer and hacker as he was.

And when Miya and Joe had to leave for a while so they could have something to eat themselves, Koharu stayed with Kaoru and they finally got to have a serious talk about Adam, Koharu just angry at the man and Kaoru just saying it hadn’t been him since he had changed from when they were teens and Koharu telling Kaoru that wasn’t true, how Adam literally had abused them time and time again but that they didn’t want to see it because of their feelings for him. Kaoru not being able to reply to that because anything they could say would sound as if they’d be defending him when they were just way beyond the point of doing that.
Maybe they weren’t ready to open and deal with the box of Pandora of memories with Adam yet, but they wouldn’t defend him. They just wanted Koharu to understand that teenaer Adam wasn’t the same person as adult Adam, but the conversation was cut short by the return of Kojiro and Miya.

It was time for Koharu to leave, then, but not before he promised his sister he’d stay in Japan for a while and that he’d visit her as soon as he had rested since he was finally feeling the jetlag winning the battle.

Once they were back home, Kojiro, with Miya’s help, set up several alarms to remember to make Kaoru take their painkillers as well as slowly lowering their dose as the doctors told them to do.
But during that first week that Kaoru was in some kind of “painkillers heaven”, as Miya subbed it, Kaoru seemed to slowly become more themselves even if there were moments that made someone wonder where his usual intelligence was.

One example of this was one day after school when Miya made their usual visit and Kaoru’s sphynx cat, Cleo, came up to them and rubbed against the kid’s legs and meowed demanding pets. Miya crouched down, answering the cat’s pleas and meowed back at the pampered lady and kid and cat started to have a conversation of sorts, the cat meowing and Miya replying either with words or meows.
And Kaoru, who was next to the kid when this took place, nodding sometimes and disagreeing other times, a laugh escaping her at some point since she seemed to find the scene quite funny even if they only understood half of it.
Kojiro, upon hearing Kaoru laugh, came into the room and looked confused at the scene not understanding anything of what was happening in front of him but very happy to hear Kaoru’s laugh again, a soft smile appearing in his face.
Smile that changed for a pout quickly when Miya caught him staring and told him that they and Cleo had been talking shit about him and stupid stuff they both had seen him do.

Other times, Kaoru just seemed to ask Carla to play him some music like R&B or soul, sometimes traditional korean or japanese music, and he just kind of dissociated for a while, letting the painkillers take over and enjoying the numbness they provided for a while, as if Kaoru knew that sooner that he would have liked he would be missing it and he would have to face his new reality, and he wasn’t ready to accept that yet and just wanted to feel nothing for as long as he could.

After a couple weeks of staying home and the regular hospital check ups, Kaoru was finally not taking painkillers anymore, the pain barely there compared to the one she was in at the beginning of healing.
She also had had her head unbandaged, the stitches in her head not yet out but using a more discreet plaster to cover them up.
Regarding her extremities, Kaoru would still need one more month of being in the wheelchair before starting physical therapy but her arms, which hadn’t been as damaged, were finally free too, and while she couldn't move them much yet, at least she had freedom of movement again instead of feeling like a mummy. So that was good.

But not everything has had positive improvements.
During one of her bad days after one of her therapy sessions, Kaoru felt stuck, as if she weren’t making any kind of step forward, not being able to even pronounce words that a kid in third grade should be able to. She was stressed and her anxiety wasn’t helping her make any real progress either, just making her stumble with easy words that on her good days were easy to say.
And so when she was finally back home, exhausted out of her mind, she just wanted to listen to the lullabies Carla always played when she was like that. And so she called the AI to start the song but Carla wasn’t responding to her voice due to the lisp, worsened thanks to her high anxiety. Even then, Kaoru repeated the command once more, and one more time after that, her lisp was more present every time she spoke, but the AI was as good as if it had run out of battery.
After trying for the last time, not being able to go beyond the AI’s name before her lisp messed her speech yet again.

That was Kaoru’s breaking point, tears started falling down her face and she wailed, her hands covering her face, so no one would be able to see the mess she was making of herself as she mourned her past self, someone she would never be able to become again, someone able to do simple tasks without having to rely on others. Someone with a successful career.
Oh god, Kaoru just realized that with what her injuries entailed, she would probably never able to do calligraphy again, and she didn’t even want to think about if she’d be ever able to stand in a skateboard again, because if she did she… she didn’t know what would happen.
But just thinking about how she didn’t want to think about it made her think about how bad she wanted to skateboard again and how she couldn't even move from point A to point B without someone pushing her wheelchair.
And just like that, Kaoru started hyperventilating, tears still falling, her hands clawing her face out, out of anger, out of desperatio, just to feel something that wasn’t the enormous pain that had settled in the space where her heart was supposed to be.

It was then that Kojiro entered the room, running towards Kaoru, kneeling and taking her hands with his own, away from her face, stopping her attempt to make herself bleed.
Only once he was sure Kaoru wouldn’t be able to physically harm herself he hugged her, and let her cry until she couldn’t anymore, offering her calming words and telling her he wouldn’t leave her side.

And when Kaoru’s breathing reached an even point, Kojiro lifted her and carried her to bed before laying down there, Kaoru’s head on his chest, his heartbeat grounding her to reality as Kojiro rubbed circles in her back. With a now more relaxed Kaoru half on top of him, Kojiro asked her what had happened.
Kaoru managed to tell Kojiro everything that happened, how only now she realized the extent of her injuries and how she was useless and couldn’t even do the things she loved to do, probably wouldn’t be able to do them ever again. Sobs threatened to make her cry again as she spoke just by remembering it all, and so Kojiro shushed her negativity away, never stopping rubbing her back, allowing Kaoru to speak and sob as much as she needed.

“I don’t know what I can do to help when it comes to calligraphy or skateboarding because that depends on when your physical therapy starts.” Kojiro said, softly kissing the top of her head “But, I think I might be able to help with the lullaby part. Even if it won’t be Carla’s lullabies but one in italian I remember one of my sisters used to sing to me when I was a kid.” he added, a soft smile in his face when he remembered the way his sister used to hold him when he was a kid and scared of the dark, and when he looked back at Kaoru he saw she was looking at him curiosity in her eyes. Kaoru always loved to hear Kojiro speak his other mother tongue, even more when he sang since his voice, while might have not been the best it was deep and so very soothing to her.
And with Kaoru’s attention on him, Kojiro started to sing:
“Ninna nanna, ninna oh
Questo bimbo a chi lo dò?
Ninna nanna, ninna oh
Questo bimbo a chi lo dò?”

By the time Kojiro had finished the first few verses, Kaoru was already half asleep, her breath even and calm and her eyes fighting to stay open.

“Se lo dò alla befana
se lo tiene una settimana
Se lo dò all’uomo nero
se lo tiene un anno intero

Se lo dò al lupo bianco
se lo tiene tanto tanto
Ninna nanna, nanna fate
Il mio bimbo addormentate”

And by the time he had finished the chorus of the song, Kaoru was fast asleep, light snores escaping from her mouth.

Seeing this, Kojiro finished the lullaby there, kissed the top of Kaoru’s head and, as carefully as he could, covered the two of them with the blankets before falling asleep himself, still hugging Kaoru.

This became sort of a routine for the two of them that stretched even after Kaoru started her physical therapy a couple weeks after the panic attack.
And with time, her speech impediment started to disappear, only noticeable when Kaoru was under a lot of stress, and when that happened, Kojiro was there for her, to calm her down, always singing a lullaby for her at the end of it. Sometimes Karo wouldn’t fall asleep unless she was in Kojiro’s arms.
And even the rare days Kaoru wasn’t able to fell asleep that night, because even in Kojiro’s arms her mind plagued her with nightmares, thanks to Kojiro’s voice and heartbeat, she was able to relax, allowing her body the rest it surely needed after the rehab sessions she did to built the muscle she had lost while she used that wheelchair.

Though, there was an experience that Kaoru wouldn’t be forgetting any time soon.
It happened a day she was being way too rough on herself, feeling useless, and that she wasn’t making any progress.
Even if she didn’t need to use the wheelchair anymore and she could walk short distances, she had to sometimes use a cane to help her walk, since her legs still hurt if she used them too much or for too long.
And so the person who conducted her physical therapy sessions, knowing Kaoru used to skateboard, brought a board to the session.
Kaoru didn’t want to but the doctor insisted that it would be good for her and so, tired of arguing, she caved and agreed to it.
And so, reclutlantly, Kaoru stood on top of the board, using her left foot to push herself forward as she always did.

But, for some reason, her legs didn’t want to cooperate with her, locking and not moving now that she was on top of a skateboard again. Her eyes widened in horror due to the realization she wasn’t able to skateboard, and so she stayed there frozen, one feet on the board and the other on the floor, wanting to push but only feeling pain every time she tried to do it.

And at the same time, her mind replayed the accident that made her be there in that moment, and Kaoru felt as if the air left her lungs, just like when Adam had hit her with his board.

Needless to say, that session was cut short because Kaoru knew if she stayed on top of the board one more second she would have a breakdown there and then, and so she forced herself to speak and tell this to her doctor, who helped her step down the board.
Calling Kojiro to, please, pick her up from the hospital, trying for her voice not to break.

After quite a silent car ride back home, the two of them were back home and Kojiro helped Kaoru sit down at the sofa when he saw her knees giving up, which she thanked him for with a nod, before sitting next to her and asking if she wanted to share what had happened that made her be like that, as she blinked to prevent tears from falling.
Kaoru took a really deep breath and, just when Kojiro thought she wouldn’t say anything, she started telling him how her physical therapist kept pushing her to get on a skateboard and to try it again, telling her i would be good for her and her recovery, helping her do stuff she used to do and her muscle memory would kick in. Kaoru told Kojiro how once she was on the skateboard she couldn’t move, her legs not responding to her commands.

Tears started falling down Kaoru’s face, even if her voice didn’t break as she kept on talking, telling Kojiro how while she was frozen, unable to move, she relived the entirety of the incident, seeing Adam running towards her full speed, seeing him swing his board and how it was as if she was hit in the face all over again, how she could have sworn she felt her nose cracking and breaking and she felt as if she was bleeding again.

By the time she finished speaking, Kaoru was trembling like a leaf, hugging herself trying to prevent that, her breath getting faster by the second as she stared in front of her, face blank, and Kojiro knew exactly Koru was reliving it all over again just by talking about it, crying even harder yet making no sound, as she just became a shell of herself, lost in her own mind, living through what possibly was the worst time of her life so far, as silent sobs escaped from her.
And so he moved and hugged her, hoping the warmth of his body would seep into hers and ground her back into reality and help her see where she was, and to see that she was safe and that Kojiro would never allow her to go through an experience like that ever again.
Positioning Kaoru, so her head rested comfortably on his shoulder, a hand running through her soft hair, the other around her, holding her close to him.

Warmth. That was the first thing noticed after realizing she had stopped trembling.
Kojiro’s big body enveloping her, creating a safe haven with his body, yet careful not to put so much weight on her, was the second.

And Kojiro.
Kojiro, Kojiro, Kojiro.
Nice, and oh so kind Kojiro. Sweet, gentle Kojiro.
Kojiro was everything she could notice, feel, see, hear and smell. His scent, a mix of cinnamon and the several spices she used on his job made Kaoru dizzy, but not at all in a bad way.
In that exact moment Kaoru realized how Kojiro had been by her side all the time, since they were both children who couldn’t even understand each other's languages. How Kojiro stood by her during their teenage years even while she dated Adam, only now realizing how Kojiro always looked at her and what that meant, how the green haired man hugging her stayed by her side even when she was at her lowest points, hitting rock bottom one time after another, always there to lift her up and help her get back on her feet again.
She now realized how her relationship with Adam must have hurted Kojiro and the strength he must have used to stay by their side during it all even if he could have walked away.
And she felt as if a blind fell from her eyes, and she realized not only how Kojiro did all of that because he loved her and had loved her for years now, never acting on it, but how she felt for him. How her feelings for the man had possibly always been there, a little flame she never fanned and probably thought it died when she fell hard for Adam and Adam was all she could see and think about. A flame that always stayed barely alive in some hidden place in her heart, simmering and brewing, until this moment right now made it explode and become alive, burning everything in its path and making her see nothing that wasn’t Kojiro.

That realization hit Kaoru unexpectedly but, at the same time, she felt as if someone released her heart from a stronghold, allowing it to beat and feel alive after years of not allowing herself to feel anything towards anyone out of fear of being hurt again, knowing Kojiro would never hurt her.
And, still crying and sobbing, Kaoru pushed herself so she could free herself from Kojiro’s embrace so she could grab the front of his shirt, and before she could even think about it twice, closed her eyes and allowed herself to be vulnerable and overwhelmed by everything she was feeling, kissed Kojiro.

But Kojiro, after the initial surprise being caught with his guard all down, did not kiss her back.
Not because he didn’t want to, he had just used the entirety of his will to separate himself from Kaoru and to push her away, it being one of the most painful things he’s had to do, because not even God above knew how many times he had wanted and wished for this exact thing to happen, but not like this.
“Kaoru, no.” those two words being the most difficult ones he has ever had to say. “Not right now. Not when you’re so vulnerable, not thinking properly and not in full use of your capabilities.” he added, his voice both serious and very hurt, talking through gritted teeth, trying so hard not to hurt either of them right now.

Even so, Kaoru frowned and stopped crying out of anger, about to snap at Kojiro asking him “Isn’t this something you wanted to happen? That you’ve waited years for?” but she saw Kojiro’s face, and how hard the man in front of her was trying not to give in to the temptation and kiss her right back in that moment, fists balled, knuckles white.
Kaoru realized Kojiro was doing all this for her, that he wanted her to actually be in a good mental place before acting on anything, when she heard Koijiro mumbled something that sounded like “I am not Adam.” making Kaoru remember every single time Adam had kissed her back when they were teens, because Adam would only kiss her in moments of emotional vulnerability.

Kaoru didn’t even know until know how fucking messed up her knowledge of when it was okay to be kissed and to be close to someone were until that moment. And all because of Adam.
And all this because Kojiro had been strong and mature enough to push her back and say “not now” respecting a boundary Kaoru did not even have.

That “not now” felt like some kind of puzzle piece she didn't know had been missing all this time, making her stop for a couple minutes and stare at Kojiro dumbfoundedly, not moving, not making a sound while all what she thought of her relationship with Adam crumpled to the floor, shattered into tiny pieces and revealed the very ugly truth behind it showed itself to her for the first time.
Her hand instinctively went to her lower lip, softly running his thumb over the scar she had there. And how only now she did see how it wasn’t normal how Adam reacted by tearing it out, slashing her lip, just because she asked why couldn’t they go on a date that wasn’t sneaking out to go skate late at night, why didn’t Adam want to be seen with her in broad daylight.
She did remember Adam’s half assed apology after doing so, kissing her while he apologized, licking the blood falling off her wound. Saying that it was to protect her, that she didn’t want anyone to say nothing bad about her mixed status, or about the nature of their relationship. And how she drinked it all up, thinking Adam was saving her from racist and homophobic assholes, when it was clear it was he who didn’t want people to think he associated himself with people like Kaoru and Kojiro, so obviously not fully japanese, and so obviously not straight, that it could hurt the image people had of him.

That memory awoke something in her, making her break down yet again and for the second time that day, but this time for a very different reason than before.
This time, Kaoru’s brain was making her remember every single fucked up thing Adam had had done to her, had said to her, the times she had to go to Kojiro’s house to be bandaged by the green haired boy, how every time Adam had done something “nice” for her was to actually save himself.
And Kaoru started crying and laughing like a maniac, not knowing what she was even feeling beside the pain in her heart, her brain screaming and the pit that made her stomach drop and made her want to throw out.

Kojiro, who wasn’t expecting such a sudden reaction from an unmoving Kaoru, got scared out of his mind for a second before looking at Kaoru, even more worried than before asking her what was going on, that she was actually creeping him out laughing like that, it being the most hurt sound he had ever heard Kaoru produce.
Kaoru was not able to answer Kojiro’s question, her laugh transforming into wails, not able to speak, not able to escape her past memories replaying in front of her eyes now that the dam that kept them sealed off in a blocked part of her brain had been broken. Barely managing to tell Kojiro to leave her alone, fully knowing Kojiro would not leave her alone, especially not when she was so obviously distressed, in pain, and who knows what else because she wasn’t able to understand half the things she was feeling at the moment.
She didn’t even know when her body, exhausted from feeling too much in so little time, and exhausted from all the crying, made her eyes drop closed. Next thing she remembers is waking up in her bed, alone, the space next to her still warm, meaning Kojiro had just left to cook their breakfast if the sweet scent coming from the kitchen was anything to guide her, and make her get out of bed.

Still, throughout that day and the following ones she broke down, having panic attacks when something made her unburrow and remember yet another painful memory of her very unhealthy relationship with Adam.
Like how when the three of them were barely seventeen they had snuck out of their homes and went skating and being the rebellious teens they were. Someone called the police on them and they all went different directions to make it more difficult to be followed. Still Kaoru, even with all the adrenaline coursing through their veins, wasn’t fast enough and got caught.

How, while scared shitless, they had to call their grandmother to go pick them up from the police station and how disappointed and angry Yu-Mi had been, to the point that it made Kaoru clean all their act, saying bye to his most punk attitude and piercings, never wanting to be given such a icy cold and silent treatment from their grandmother, whose eyes they still could feel burning the back of their neck as if this had happened yesterday.
Furthermore, the next day to going through all that, when he met with Kojiro and Adam after school and the two boys saw the change in attitude they had gone through during the night and day, only Kojiro had been concerned asking if they were okay, Adam even getting furious when Kaoru admitted how they’d been caught and arrested, telling the pink haired teen how stupid they’d been for allowing themselves to be caught and how much of a fucking disappointent they were.
And once Kaoru broke down, falling down to his knees, Kojiro getting down to help him and was pushed away by Adam as the boy knelt down in front of Kaoru lifting and grabbing their face to look at it, a very soft and, weirdly smitten look on his eyes that made Kaoru melt inside, because if Adam had that look in his eyes it meant he cared and loved them.
Remembering how Adam then kissed them before telling Kaoru how good they looked and how, if they continued to be so good for him, he’d make sure all possible charges against them would be dropped, making Kaoru not have a criminal record, and somehow managed to pull that off.

Remembering all that yet again, Kaoru let out a pained laugh because how could they have believed Adam had been concerned about them when, now, it was obvious to Kaoru he had done that because he couldn’t be associated with someone with a criminal record.
It didn’t help that only now Kaoru realized that wasn’t the first time
Adam acted like that towards them, diminishing Kaoru’s experiences and insulting them before apologizing and kissing them, only calling Kaoru pretty when Kaoru was in their worst moments or even crying.

Kaoru also remembered how Kojiro always reacted in these scenarios, staying by their side through everything and more, always asking, alongside Koharu, how Kaoru could be so blind to how Adam treated them.
Like the day Kaoru didn’t remember what happened to make Adam angry but they did remember word for word what Adam said to them after they almost broke down, “You know, this face looks so good on you, I should make you look this pretty more often.”, and how Karu did not realize how messed that had been, only hearing Adam calling them pretty, while Koharu and Kojiro were seething but couldn’t do much or else they would have had to face Kaoru’s wrath as well as Adam’s.

Kaoru really didn’t know how they were so blind, how the only constants in their life, Koharu and Kojiro, had always been by their side, Kojiro even more so than Koharu, even learning a foreign language so he could communicate with their family and make a good impression.
How Kojiro always went beyond what Kaoru expected of him, just because he could, not focusing on his own pain and struggles if he could help Kaoru.
How he stood by their side, picking and mending Kaoru when Adam left them broken in a million tiny pieces, how Kojiro always looked at Kaoru with wonder in their eyes, no matter the circumstance, as if they were the one who put the stars in the night sky, how concerned he was every time he saw Kaoru break down and cry. Only now realizing the anger in his red gold eyes everytime Adam opened his mouth, but refraining himself from punching him.

With all that in mind, Kaoru had avoided Kojiro to the best of their ability during the rest of the day while living together because they needed time to think and reflect and consider what they should do.

That’s why, the next evening, when Kojiro got home from his day at Sia La Luce, Kaoru asked Kojiro to sit down next to them and, once he had done, Kaoru grabbed Kojiro’s hands between their own and looked him into those pretty eyes that always made Kaoru feel loved, he apologized for making him go through so much. Saying sorry for not listening to him and Koharu when they warned him about Adam time and time again, making him see them be used and abused by who they considered a friend.
How Kaoru regretted making Kojiro go through so much, only realizing all this years later the pain he must have endured in their name, and how sorry they were for that.

Once Kaoru finished talking, they realized Kojiro was crying, which made Kaoru worry about if they should not have said anything until the other spoke.
“Don’t worry, Kaoru,”Kojiro started, drying the tears with the back of his hand, a little smile on his face “these aren’t sad tears.” he reassured them.
“I just never expected to hear you saying that, because I just did what I had to do as a friend because I always hated to see you get hurt in any way. So I guess it’s a bit nice to hear you say this, even if you should not have to apologize because I would have done all that regardless.” Kojiro told them, his trademark soft smile on his face.

At that Kaoru, after being stunned to hear him say that for a couple seconds, raised an eyebrow before talking.
“Friend?” Kaoru asked, the most shit-eating smirk they could make adorning their pretty face as they teased Kojiro.

“You’re sure you’re in any position to tease me when you are the one who kissed me not even a week ago?” Kojiro retorted, making a blush appear both on Kaoru and his face. The two of them laughed at the awkwardness of the situation, happy that their teasing bickering conversations made a comeback.

During the following days to that conversation, Kaoru seemed to be in a better place when it came to her mental recovery, having dealt with and accepted all the repressed trauma Adam had made her go through during years, still slowly working though it as that would be a far more tedious and slow process. Still, just the fact she accepted it was there and starting to unravel the layers of it had made her make a huge step forward, helping her take upon her physical recovery on a more positive outlook as well.

So well was everything going, that around the seven months mark since the accident, Kojiro and Kaoru, with Miya as their now official legal kid, had set a little rendez-vous with the rest of the S gang, in a little park next to their home so they could eat and talk and just spend time in each other presences, when suddenly Kaoru stood up to stretch his tired limbs and said something that took everyone by surprise.
It was something he had been thinking for a while but never found quite the right moment to put it into practice.

“I think… No, I KNOW I want to try skating again.” Kaoru told the group in front of him, a big happy smile on his face.

And so, Kaoru stood on top of a board since the failed attempt in the hospital’s room, but since this time it had been decided by him, he was able to stood, if a little unstable, and push himself a few meters, before losing his not yet good sense of balance and falling to the ground, a huge laugh escaping from him as Kojiro ran to his side to help him stand up to try again.Kaoru tried to skate by himself a couple more times, eating the dirt every time but laughing all along, before accepting Kojiro’s help.

The next time she tried, Kojiro helped him by holding him down by the waist, standing behind him, the two of them entering a world of their own, unaware the rest of the gang was there staring at them with knowing smiles in their faces, Miya recording everything because while both Kaoru and Kojiro where enjoying the closeness of it, they were also blushing profusely, not realizing they were flirting with the other.

Now that he was being held, Kojiro slowly skated, stable now, trying to ignore the fact that while he had gained some weight due to not doing as much exercise as he used to, Kojiro’s big hand almost touched as they encompassed his waist, strong yet so very gently.
Kojiro tried not to pay attention to the fact how soft yet firm Kaoru’s body was beneath the thin yukata he was wearing.
Hours later, in the privacy of their shared bedroom, talking about how good a time they had had, Kaoru mentioned how great it felt, just as good as when he took a brush and nailed some basic calligraphy to start getting the feeling of doing it again, how he can’t wait to nail his first ollie again, wanting to feel as if he were flying once again.

And as they talked about everything and nothing, fond looks in both their eyes as they steal glances from the other, quickly looking away when the other catches them in the act.
Kaoru, tires from all the emotions of the day, just allows himself to be caught staring at Kojiro’s beautiful features, slowly moving so he was nos laying on his side, so he could comfortably place his hand on Kojiro’s face, the other leaning into the barely there touch, both their bodies aching for more contact than just that.
Not long after, Kojiro responded to the touch by, while kissing the palm of Kaoru’s hand, sitting them down, Kaoru on his lap, as he finally closed the distance between them, sealing their lips together in kiss.
A kiss that started as a soft confirmation of feeling reciprocated, Kojiro’s way to tell Kaoru that they were both ready for this relationship, that hastily turned into something more heated and passionate with every second, all the years of yearning and one-sided crushes and staying by each other sides through thick and thin being poured into it, both their hearts coming bare for the other to hold and care for, trust in the knowledge the other would never hurt it.

And from there on, finally able to hold and kiss the other whenever they felt like it, they became that one IT couple with a very healthy relationship, still teasing the other non-stop, surprising people who thought the had been together the entire time when they were told this new status was as recent as a few days or weeks ago.

A couple years had gone by since Kaoru and Kojiro started their relationship, when their families and friends received a letter inviting them to a wedding.
Everyone caught off guard by this because Kaoru and Kojiro just kept on traveling around the world together, taking Miya with them when school allowed it, and decided to elope one day and get married without anyone's knowledge, just Miya’s as their kid and wedding witness, but still wanting everyone who had helped them be the persons they had become, who saw their relationship bloom and grow.

Kaoru requested Koharu and her two younger sisters, Hana and Sayuri, to be her bridesmaids, Koharu almost turning the petition down since he got to know about Kaoru being married when he got the invitation but finally accepting because of course he’d be there for Kaoru u¡in one of the most important days of her life.
Kojiro asked Reki, Langa and Hiromi to be his best men, knowing Miya was out of bounds since as their kid they would want to be on both sides not able to choose just one of them.

Preparations took place, with Hiromi also in charge of the flowers, Kojiro asking help from one of his older sisters, who was a tailor, to help them with his suit because he couldn’t find one that fit his body type, big and soft when relaxed, all muscle when flexing.
And Kaoru, unbeknownst to Kojiro, requested that same sister’s service to tailor an outfit for the dance.
Finally, the day arrived, emotions running high from everyone as everyone got prepared for the event.

And when the wedding actually started, Kojiro in a rather tight suit, a perfect fit to show off his body while still comfortable, waiting for his wife to enter the room.
Kaoru, never one to be late, appeared, and she was wearing a beautiful ivory hanbok that her grandmother gave to her once she received the invitation, Yu-Mi’s own way to contribute to the wedding and making Kaoru keep in touch with the Sakurayashiki’s korean roots.
Upon seeing her, Kojiro’s eyes started watering, and he blinked trying not to cry just yet and failing to do so, Kaoru’s beauty disarming him in all the ways possible.
Kaoru herself was trying so very hard not to cry and ruin the make-up, though seeing Kojiro crying made it all so hard but also put the biggest and softest smile she had ever had on her face.

Soon after, once Kojiro recovered and dried his tears away, they read their vows, looking at each other as it seemed the rest of the world disappeared, making the scene seem intimate in a way no one had been expecting, making it there be not a dry eye in the whole room.
Kojiro admitting to Kaoru that he had loved her since they were barely twelve and met at school, and if he didn’t fall for her earlier it was because of the language barrier as Kaoru speaked korean and broken japanese, and he spoke japanese and italian and they had to play charades to understand each other.

With the vows and the “I do” said, it was time for the dinner at Sia La Luce to start, and while people waited for the food to come, Kaoru had enough time to change into something more comfortable and that allowed her to move more freely that she had tailored for her while Kojiro talked with the people at the wedding and resisted the urge to go into the kitchen and help with the cooking himself.
But it was all worth it when Kaoru made her second grand entrance of the day wearing a beautiful wedding backless pantsuit that hugged her figure in all the right places and left bare just enough to still be classy and elegant.

While they waited for the food, Kojiro and Kaoru talked with their friends and family.
Being surprised when Koharu appeared with his new girlfriend, Kiriko he introduced her, who he had met while doing not-so-legal activities as a hacker, making the couple taste a bit of their own medicine for when they didn’t tell him they had adopted a kid AND for having eloped and not told him.

Dinner served and food coming dish after dish and the dance after, two surprises during it.
First was the hispanic food like pasteles served alongside the japanese traditional meals, all cooked by Reki’s mother who Kojiro was now considering hiring because everything not only looked mouth-watering but also tasted amazing.
Second was when the dance started and the newlywed couple looked so in love when suddenly a mischievous smile appeared in Kaoru’s smile before surprising everyone, especially Kojiro, she dipped his husband and kissed him yet again.

Time went by and few years later and the Sakurayashiki-Nanjo family grew with the addition of Mirai, a beautiful baby girl that took after Kojiro in every way but the pink of her hair and the the size she was born with that were Sakurayashiki’s trademark genes.
Both of them were crying when they first held her in their arms, even if Kojiro did curse Kaoru for never telling him about the curse of bearing a huge child with her genes.

It had taken years of yearning and pinning and unrequited crushes and fear of destroying the friendship they had but Kaoru and Kojiro finally had the relationship they had both dreamed of, having a family they never imagined they would have together.
Being able to see the person they love the most first thing in the morning and last thing before going to sleep in each other's arms.