Chapter Text
TK sat on the hood of the Camaro, his feet not quite reaching the floor. His laces scraped across the ash-covered ground as his feet gently swayed.
He reached out with his hand, cutting a line through the soot that covered the pristine car. He traced shapes across the hood as he stared down at the soot growing on his fingers. He couldn’t bring himself to look up, couldn’t bring himself to see the carnage before him. He lifted his finger, staring down at it as the moon from above cast a spotlight on the ash that covered the top of his finger.
TK knew the bottom of his joggers were probably covered in soot, but he didn’t care; there was little he cared about right now except the man lying in a house bed a few miles away.
He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to erase the image of Carlos covered in bandages and wires lying still in that hospital bed. He tried to focus on the picture of Carlos smiling while wrapped up on the sofa with TK, focus on his laugh as he watched TK trying to unpack.
TK placed the box down on the marble counter with a thud, peeling open the top to pull out a selection of mugs he brought with him. He studied them for a moment before walking over to the cabinet and slipping them inside, mixing them with Carlos’s.
He heard Carlos give a small laugh from behind him; TK spun around with a smile on his face. Carlos was looking down into a box, holding a pink hoodie in his hand, “Did you just bring boxes of hoodies?” Carlos smiled.
TK chuckled, coming around the counter to look into the box with Carlos, “No,” He grinned, pointing to the bike behind him, “I brought an exercise bike too,” He shrugged. TK picked up another box and moved it from the coffee table, “When I moved here, I left most of my stuff and just took the essentials,” He said, placing it on the floor.
“This counts as essential?” Carlos asked.
TK turned around to see Carlos holding up a cream shirt with lines down it, the outfit TK had been wearing when the solar flare had occurred. “Hey!” TK called, playful snatching the shirt from Carlos’s hands, “I thought you loved that shirt?” He said, holding it in his hands.
Carlos narrowed his eye’s, tilting his head to the side, “I love you,” He smiled, stepping forward to wrap his arms around TK’s shoulders, “The shirt….” Carlos trailed off, doing a ‘so’ ‘so’ motion with his head. TK gave a mock offended scoff, “So exercise bike?” Carlos said, motioning his head to the bike behind TK.
TK twisted his head to look at it for a moment before looking back at Carlos, “Wherever you want it, it's your house-”
“No, it’s our house,” Carlos corrected, his fingers linked together, resting on TK’s neck, “How many times do I have to tell you,” He asked.
TK pursed his lips, looking up for a moment before back at Carlos, “Maybe the same amount of times I have to tell you to call my dad Owen?” Carlos laughed, his head falling frown back for a moment.
TK turned around, Carlos arms coming to wrap around TK’s shoulder, his chin resting in the crook of TK’s neck. “So where should we put our bike in our home?” He asked. TK reached up, resting his hands on Carlos’s arms, feeling the soft kiss against his cheek.
He rubbed his hands on his grey sweats, watching the streak of soot smear across his joggers. TK slipped his hands into the Austin PD hoodie he was wearing, taking in a deep breath. TK flicked his eyes up at the deteriorating structure, only able to look at it for a moment before it became too painful.
The front of the house was all but gone. The once grey slates were now black, half of the wall crumbled onto the floor. There was a hole burnt into the roof, debris covering the bottom floor.
“Everyone’s been looking for you,” A voice said from behind him.
He didn’t have to turn to see who the voice belonged to. He stayed perched on the Camero; a body came around the corner and sat next to TK, their hands resting in their lap, “You said you were getting a coffee and just...never came back,” Judd said.
“I just, I just needed some air,” TK said.
He had been sitting by Carlos bedside for a day, no change to his condition. TK had gone to grab a coffee and just found himself walking, walking until he saw the familiar blue car.
“Your dad said you texted him you were home,” Judd said, looking up at the stars above, “I was halfway to your dad when I realised what you meant,” TK stared down at his laces, watching as the tips of them became black, thick with soot.
TK sat on Carlos’s leather sofa, his hands gripped together in the pocket of his hoodie, “You okay?” Carlos asked, handing TK a bottle of water.
He slipped the hands from his hoodie pocket, reaching out to take the bottle. He held it in his hand, making no effort to take a sip, “Yeah,” TK breathed, staring down at the label.
“You sure?” Carlos said, coming to sit next to him, “You seem pretty tense,” Carlos asked.
TK looked over at him. TK had texted Carlos about 30 minutes ago if he wanted to hang out; they both knew what it meant. TK had been here for around 10 minutes; by now, both their clothes would typically be discarded onto the floor, and they would be pressed up against something.
But not tonight. TK wasn't in the mood, and he wasn't even sure why he had texted Carlos. Ever since their date playing darts a few weeks ago, they had spent many evenings together. TK coming over for a few hours of fun before disappearing back home.
Lately, however, TK found himself lingering around the house. Lounging on the sofa or bed hours after they had finished.
“It’s nothing,” TK sighed.
“So it’s something?” Carlos said, his brow raised.
TK shook his head, peeling the label from the bottle, “Carlos, you don’t wanna hear about my crappy day,”
He leant back on the sofa, his hands resting on his knee's, “You had a crappy day?” Carlos asked, head tilted towards TK, “What happened?” He asked.
Usually, TK would change the topic when Carlos asked him a personal question, cut him off with a kiss, or simply leave.
It was just one bad call after another,” TK admitted, finding the truth came a little easier when he spoke to Carlos, “A family trapped in a house, we couldn’t get them all out, then a car collision, we got everyone out but….” Just because they saved everyone didn't mean everything was okay. One of the patients had a spinal injury, and TK was confident it meant they would never walk again. TK leaned forward on his knee's, running his hands down his face, “It just felt like every scene we got to, we were too late,” He confessed.
“I’m sorry,” Carlos quietly said. TK felt Carlos's hand come to rest on his knee, “That’s a part of this job that they don’t prepare you for,” He said, “But I know you, and the 126 did everything you could, and you gave those people the best chance of survival,” TK knew that deep down, knew they did their job to their best of their ability and did everything they could to save those people. Carlos's hand gripped TK's knee a little tighter, “We can’t save everyone, and even though we know that, it still hurts,”
TK stared at the man. The man he had blown off flipped out on and done everything in his power to push away. Yet he was still here comforting TK, "Thank you, Carlos,” TK said, tentatively placing his hand on top of Carlos's.
They just looked at each other for a moment, both smiling. “You…” Carlos cleared his throat, “You wanna order something to eat? Watch something?” He asked.
TK had made a distinct decision that this, whatever it was between them, was casual.
Purley sex and no feelings.
TK bit his lips, brushing his finger against Carlos's hand. "Yeah," He breathed, the smile still on his lips, "Yeah, I’d like that,” He admitted.
Whatever this was between them, it wasn't casual, and it wasn't about sex. And for the first time in a while, that didn't scare TK.
“You know…” TK started, his arms wrapped around his stomach in the pocket of his hoodie, “This was the first place in Austin where I felt safe, where I didn’t feel like an outsider.” TK whispered, his eyes still cast down on the floor.
He sucked in a deep breath, finally bringing himself to look up at the carcase of his home before him.
It was unrecognisable. TK felt his lip quiver, the harsh lines of the building becoming softer as tears welled in TK's eyes, “And now it’s gone,” he softly cried.
"But he ain’t," Judd tried to comfort.
TK shook his head, squeezing his eyes together as tears spilt down the side, "He’s not awake, Judd," TK said.
It was a simple fact. But it felt wrong on TK's lips.
"But he will be," Judd assured.
"You don’t know that." TK cried again, this time louder, "We’ve had so many close calls lately; me getting shot, you and grace, my-my dad’s cancer, everything turned out okay." He said, turning his head to look at Judd, "What if our lucks out? What if things don’t work out this time?" They had all survived so much, and yet they had all made it to the other side. TK couldn't help but wonder if they had used their nine lives, if this was the final straw.
Judd leaned forward, "You can’t think like that-"
"When grace was in that hospital bed, were you able to think of anything else?" Judd opened his mouth, no words leaving it as he closed it again.
"You’re right," He confessed, "But everyone told me to have faith, have faith in her and her strength, and I did." TK had been one of those people, assuring Judd that everything would be fine. It was so much easier on the other side, so much easier saying the words than hearing them. "Carlos is strong, and he’ll pull through, and we will be right by your side until he does," TK knew the 126 were by his side, but that didn't change the factor that Carlos was still in a coma; that didn't bring him back "I know this was your home," Judd said, nodding to the ruins of the building before them, "but...at the end of the day it was home because of Carlos, so wherever you two end up, that’ll still be home." TK knew whenever he and Carlos ended up that they would be home, that's not what he was worried about. That's not what kept him up, unable to sleep in the quiet night. What kept him awake was the thought of having to find a new home with Carlos. Having to build a life without the man he loved.
"I-I miss him," TK choked out, looking back down in his lap, "which I know is stupid because its only been a few days, but-”
There was a hand on his shoulder, "It ain’t stupid kid," Judd comforted.
"He’s the one that keeps me calm, tells me everything is going to work; the only person I actually believe when they say that," TK reached up with the back of his hand, wiping the tears that tracked down his face. "And now..." TK said in a shaky voice, "Now he’s not here to tell me that and I..." He trailed off again, every thought in his mind colliding with the other, "I’m scared Judd," The confession was a whisper from his lips, "Really scared, and I don’t know what to do." He should be at the hospital, next to Carlos's bed holding his hand.
But he couldn't. Seeing his broken and bruised body was too much for TK; being in the room was suffocating like the air had been sucked out, and there was a constant weight pressed on his chest. He thought coming here, coming to their home, would help.
But it didn't.
Seeing their brunt out and ruined home was like seeing Carlos in that bed. Having to watch the thing he loved the most destroyed before him.
"What am I meant to do," He repeated. He wasn't asked Judd; he wasn't sure who he was asking.
"Well, for one, you need to get some rest," Judd sighed, "You haven’t slept in a day," As if the words settled over TK, he felt his eyelids grow heavy, as weights were attached to his lashed, "And second, we’ll get some food in you,"
"And then?" TK asked, glancing back at Judd.
"And then..." Judd sighed, "Then you hold onto how he makes you feel, how much he loves you, and you have faith that he’ll be okay," As Judd spoke, TK felt tears growing in his eyes, only taking a second before they spilt over the edge, "Ain’t no way that boy is letting anything stop him from coming back to you."
TK stood at the island in the kitchen. His finger tapped the top of the counter, his foot bouncing against the wood.
He went to check his watch for the hundredth time when he heard a key slip into the lock.
The door pushed open, and Carlos slipped inside.
"Carlos," TK gasped, rushing around to meet his boyfriend, "I heard there was a hostage situation and that an officer-"
Carlos reached out, running his hands up the sides of TK's arms, "Hey, hey," He soothed, "I'm fine,"
He looked fine. There was no blood, no visible injuries. TK had heard over the radio that there had been a hostage situation involving an offender and some civilians; an officer had been shot during the process. Before TK could find out who, the crew had a call, and TK was whisked away to a fire, his mind never entirely leaving the station where the radio had played.
After TK had gotten back to the station, several hours after his shift was meant to end, he found Carlos was not the injured officer, but he had been at the scene, "I wanted to meet you at work but-"
"TK," Carlos repeated, his hands giving TK's arms a slight squeeze. "Breath," He said.
"I am," TK said, earning a raised eyebrow from Carlos. TK gave an exaggerated breath out, "I am now," He said.
"It took a while to finish up the paperwork, so I was late getting out, but..." Carlos stepped closer to TK, placing a kiss on his forehead, "I'm okay," He breathed, resting his forehead against TK's.
TK reached up, cupping his boyfriends face, "All I could think about was you not coming home," He admitted, the thought scarier than any fire he could fight.
Carlos pulled back, his brows knitted together, "Babe," he sighed.
TK shook his head, "I know that's part of our job, and I should be used to it, but-"
"But it's hard and not something you can get used to", Carlos finished, TK nodding in agreement. "But TK, know that I will always do everything I can to come home to you," Carlos said, "Making it back to you, that's the most important thing to me," He smiled. TK let out a relieved breath, leaning forward to place his head on Carlos's shoulder, wrapping his arms around the man's waist in a tight hug, "Sorry for worrying you," Carlos said, his arms wrapped around TK's back.
"Guess it's payback for all the times I've made you worry, right?" TK said into Carlos's shirt.
Carlos gave a soft laugh, "Right," He pulled back, lifting TK's chin up a little, "Listen, I love you, and even though our jobs are dangerous, at least we've always got each other to come home to, right?"
TK nodded, stepping forward to place a tender kiss against Carlos's lips, "Right," he breathed, his lips still dancing across Carlos's.
"Look, why don’t we try step one," Judd said, dragging TK out of the warm and comforting memory in the bitter and dark reality before him. If TK was honest, he didn't even know what step one was or what Judd was referring to.
The man seemed to understand, sighing, "You need to get some sleep,"
"I don’t wanna sleep," TK said, shaking his head.
“And Grace didn’t want to rest, and I didn’t want to go to that shrink, but sometimes we gotta do things we don’t wanna do because it’s what we need,” Logic. Pure realistic logic, and TK hated it. He didn't want to listen to logic. He wanted to sit in the ruins of their home till Carlos woke up, till TK could go home again.
“Crash at ours for a tonight, get a couple of hours, then I’ll whip you up something to eat, fair warning my cooking ain't like graces, but she’s taught me a few things,” Judd said, trying to lighten the conversation. “Carlos’s parents are at the hospital with him, your dads there too, he’ll be okay for a few hours,” The sad and heartbreaking truth was Carlos didn't even know they were there, didn't even know that TK wasn't there.
"TK..." Judd stated, "Carlos's wouldn't want you sat out here in the dark," He wouldn't; he'd want TK to rest and eat and to not worry. But Carlos was in a coma and could tell TK none of this.
TK looked over at Judd, the man's face a picture of compassion. “Alright, okay,” TK lamented.
Judd stood from the car, and TK's slipped off the hood. The pair started to head back to where Judd's van was.
TK paused, glancing over his shoulder at the remnants of the structure that was once their home.
"What you thinking?" Carlos said, drawing shapes on TK's bed as they laid in bed, TK's head resting on Carlos's chest.
"I'm thinking..." TK started, craning his head up to look at Carlos, "Did your parents have a good time tonight?" he asked.
Carlos smiled, "I already told you they did," TK bit his lip, settling his head back onto Carlos's chest, "TK, they love you," Carlos assured.
"You're just saying that, so I'll go to sleep," TK scoffed, a smile on his lips. TK rolled off of Carlos, sitting up next to him. Carlos frowned, pushing himself up till his back was resting against the back of the headboard, "Are they happy we're living together?" TK found himself asking.
Carlos cocked his head to the side, reaching out for TK's hand, "Of course they are," TK wanted to believe that, and a part of him did. But the self-doubt he had carried for years was hard to shed, "TK, you make me so happy, happy in a way I didn't know was possible, and they see that," Carlos swept his thumb over TK's hand, "My moms already talking about what a terrific son in law you'll make," They both gave a soft laugh, yet the look they shared suggested it wasn't a joke. Nothing came easier to TK than picturing his future together with Carlos, "Are you happy we're living together?" Carlos asked.
TK looked up from their hands, "I've, I've never been happier, never felt safer," TK lifted Carlos's hand to his lips, placing soft kisses on the inside of the palm, "My life's been pretty unstable, chaotic, and I have never looked around the house I've lived in and thought...'yeah, I this is home'," TK looked up at Carlos, who wore that loving gentle smile that TK had fallen in love with, "Till now," He said through a shaky breath, "When I see you cooking in the kitchen, or dancing in the bathroom when getting ready for work, I know I'm home."
Carlos blinked through wet lashes, giving a small sniff as he wiped a stray treat away with his shoulder.
With words, they returned to their previous positions, holding each other a little tighter as they drifted to sleep in their home.
TK kept his eyes on the shell of a house; the peace and comfort had only lasted around an hour.
Then the smoke started. And the heat. And everything changed.
TK couldn't even see where their room has been where they had laid together so many times. The dining room where they had dinner with Carlos parents, hangouts with the 126.
It was no longer a home, but a carcass of one. TK pulled his eyes away, the tears trickling down his face as he gave his home, their home, one final look before slipping into Judd's car.
The car ride was silent, TK staring out the window the entire time.
The city looked different. Darker, smaller.
Like the whole city had turned their lights down and were holding their breaths with TK.
The car pulled up to the house. TK leaned forward, looking up at the home.
TK tried to bury the shameful jealously he felt growing in his chest. He slipped out of the car, following Judd down the path to the front door.
Judd and TK entered the house; it was bright and warm. TK hovered by the front door, his hands gripped behind him.
Grace was sat on the sofa, a blanket draped over her lap. TK stayed standing by the door as Judd walked over to Grace, placing a kiss upon her forehead. Grace turned her head towards TK, a warm and comforting smile on her lips. “TK Strand,” She smiled, “Why are you hovering by the door like a guest,” She pushed the blanket off her lap and carefully stood, Judd watching her carefully as she did. “You’re family, come in,” She gestured for TK to come in, nodding her head towards the living room.
“Thanks, Grace,” He whispered, “How are you feeling?” He asked.
She nodded, Judd, coming to stand next to her, his hand wrapped around her waist, “I’m doing good, thanks, both of us are,” Her hand came to rest on her stomach, and TK couldn’t help the flicker of a smile on her lips, “Now, you go get some rest,” Grace smiled, her head coming to rest on Judd’s shoulder.
“And when you’re up and about, we’ll whip you up something to eat,” Judd finished.
TK shook his head, rocking on his heels, “You-you don’t have to do that,” He said.
Judd smiled, “Kid, I said we’d get some food in you, and I meant it,”
Grace placed her hand on Judd’s chest, “Judd here has become quite the chef,”
“ Become? ” Judd said, Grace looking up at him with a teasing smile.
TK watched them. They were looking at each other in a way that made TK felt like he was intruding on a private moment, like he wasn’t meant to be here.
And he wasn’t meant to be there.
He was meant to be at his home, with his love. He should be standing with Carlos in their kitchen, smiling at each other and planning what they were going to be cooking that night, well, what Carlos was going to be cooking.
TK took a step back from Judd and Grace, turning away to wipe the tears that had gathered in the corners of his eyes.
“How about I show you to your room TK,” Judd said, stepping forward from Grace.
Grace stepped forward, giving TK’s hand a light squeeze, “Have faith; he’s a strong one,” TK just nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
TK followed Judd down the hall, the pair pausing in front of a door on the left. “Let me know if you need anything, alright? We’re right out here,” Judd said, pushing the door open for TK.
TK stepped inside, his hands coming to wrap around his waist.
“TK,” Judd said, causing TK to turn around. Judd sighed, leaning on the door frame, “Your home ain’t gone kid, he’s still here,” Judd said in a hushed tone, his brows knitted together, “You’ve just gotta wait,” He gave TK a final smile before stepping back and closing the door behind him.
TK stood in the room. It was nice, clean and homely but not home. He walked over the bed, perching on the edge of it, kicking his shoes off. TK ran a hand down his face, his head staying in his hands for a while.
He pulled his head up, staring straight ahead at nothing.
TK moved till he was lying on the bed, the ceiling above now his point of interest.
He shifted on the bed, unable to get comfortable, feeling every spring and cushion below him. It wasn’t that the bed was bad, or even uncomfortable really; it just wasn’t his, wasn’t his and Carlos bed.
He closed his eyes. Trying to picture their room, tried to pretend that everything was okay.
TK swung his legs over the side of the bed, leaning down to grab his hoodie off the ground, “I should get going,” He panted, slipping the hoodie over his head as he reached down for his boxers.
“It’s like 2am,” Carlos called from next to him.
TK stood from the bed, turning to see Carlos still laid out, the covers draped across his stomach, “You’ve got work tomorrow,” TK said, although as he stared at the man in the bed, he found it hard to think about work tomorrow or anything else really.
“Yeah, at like 12pm,” Carlos chuckled, pushing himself up on his elbows, “Look, why don’t you just crash here?” Carlos said, motioning to the bed around him. TK bit his lip, looking around the room.
It would be so easy to crash here, to just fall back into the bed with Carlos. TK and Carlos had been doing this, whatever this was, for around a few months. At the start, it had just been sex, then somewhere along the line, there had been a shift. TK would stay for a few hours watching TV or just lounging around. Yet, he could never bring himself to stay over, to take that final step from casual to something more. Carlos gave a soft sigh, leaning his arms on his knees, “It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to,” There was no bitterness or anger, just understanding, “It’s late, and raining and you’re just coming off a 48-hour shift, just crash here for the night,” Carlos said.
TK looked around the room again; he could see the water cascading down the window, the thunder crashing above them. TK sighed, still biting his lip. It’s not that he didn’t want to, he did, and that's what scared TK the most.
TK slipped the hoodie back off, dropping it onto the ground with a soft thud. He slipped beneath the covers, holding his arms close to his chest. Carlos laid on his back, eyes closed.
TK shuffled a little closer, still careful to keep their bodies separate.
TK glanced up at the man. He looked beautiful in his sleep; his hair was tousled and messy. TK peeled one of his hands from his chest, reaching out.
He paused, fingers twitching. He gently laid his hand on Carlos' chest. The man opened his eyes with a smile, one TK returned. Carlos moved the arm closed to TK, wrapping it around him and pulling him close to his chest. TK felt his heart thudding against his chest as he nestled into Carlos.
“Carlos?” TK breathed.
“Yeah?”
TK stared up at him, the man’s soulful brown eyes looking at him. TK smiled, “You wanna get breakfast tomorrow?” He asked.
Carlos’s smile widened, nodding his head. “I’d like that,” TK leaned up, placing a soft kiss on Carlos’s lips, smiling against them. TK settled back down, his head gently laid on Carlos’s chest, listening to the man's heartbeat, feeling the warmth of his skin below.
TK had slept in a few beds, but none felt like this; none felt as welcoming, as safe. TK cast a glance at the man next to him. It dawned on TK that it wasn’t the bed that made him feel safe; it was the man laying next to him.
TK let the memory wrap around him like a weight blanketed, holding him close. He turned on his side, his arm reaching out but falling hard against the cold bed. The fall could have only been a few inches, but it felt like his hand had fallen from a great height.
He opened his eyes, the brutal reality of the truth stared back at him.
An empty bed. He was alone.
Carlos wasn’t next to him; he was in that tiny hospital bed alone.
TK brushed his fingers against the cold sheets. There was no warmth beneath them, no heartbeat.
TK curled his fingers around the bedding, closing his eyes.
Your home ain’t gone kid, he’s still here .
TK said the words over and over again in his mind. Maybe if he said it enough, he would feel some comfort from it; maybe he would believe it.
Your home ain’t gone kid, he’s still here .
Carlos was still alive, his heart still beat, and he still breathed.
Maybe right now, that would have to be enough.
Carlos was alive; his home was still here; he just needed to wait.
So that’s what TK would do; he’d wait till he was able to go home.