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Promises meant jack shit in the Iguchi household, and that was something Shuichi thought he knew. 17 years living with his parents, and he still took them seriously when they told him things. If anything, it was his own fault for being so stupid. It sounded idiotic even thinking about it now. So his dad had promised to teach him how to drive when he was old enough, so what? He'd probably never meant it.
Still, the video game he held in his hands weighed as heavy as the rest usually did. They were only ever given at terrible times, the important ones anyway. Like gifts to make up for his hurt feelings. Terraria for his mom's miscarriage, Skyrim for his first suicide attempt, an account on Steam for his various surgeries, on and on the list went. Now he had Gran Turismo 3 as an apology for his dad being too busy to give him driving lessons. That was fine. A game was a game. Sure, it was an old game, a sort of shitty one on top of that, but it was the best he was gonna get.
It took months of playing before he felt even half confident. After all, it wasn't too different from an actual car, was it? Between his practice in plenty of other games like GTA or Mario Kart, surely he'd have to have some sort of instinct. He could hardly go the rest of his life being taxied around, though it seemed like too much to hope for that he'd ever leave his small town, nevertheless his parents' house. Driving would be simple. It had to be.
It didn't take much convincing to get the keys to their family car, after all, they were the ones always begging him to leave the house for once. Just the usual "don't embarrass us or yourself", "watch out for people your age", "make sure you wear your hood up", and he was out the door. He tried to tell himself it couldn't go too badly. What was the worst that could happen, really? He knew where the gas was, he knew where the brakes were, and their car was old and on its last leg anyway. He'd circle around the neighborhood, and that would be all.
As it turned out, video games made things considerably easier than they were in real life. All the GTA in the world couldn't have explained to him how far to turn the key. Even once he figured that out, the engine roaring to life, there was the issue of the driveway. It was infuriating. He was half tempted to just drag his dad into the car, but he doubted even that would sway him. All his life, it had been the same story. World of Warcraft was considerably more important than Shuichi was. Hell, anything on that computer was more important than Shuichi was. He was a busy man, his job was hard, he made plenty of money, but somehow he still wanted more from him. Anything really. Just a tiny bit of effort, a single reason to think he actually cared, even just allowing the two to make physical contact.
Backing out of the driveway. He had to focus on that. The car wasn't going to drive itself, and he wasn't going to figure it out by making himself crave hugs. He knew generally what had to be done. Some stick thing between the two seats, and the letter R he knew had to be reverse. It wouldn't move though, and he began to notice the car rolling back slightly down the incline the longer he sat. Idiot. Cars moved. He slammed the brake under his foot, jolting the car. Not that it helped much, as it turned out that you had to keep holding the brake.
This was a dumb idea. He had no idea how the hell he was supposed to know any of this shit, but it wasn't like he really had an option. Sure, he could ask his mom, but that only brought in concerns of making him want to off himself while driving, one of the few potential freedoms he might have.
Foot still pressed firmly on the brake pedal, he tried once again to get into reverse. Nothing. What the fuck. It took maybe five minutes before he realized it had a button on it, and finally, finally , he managed. Now he just had to… This was stupid. Really stupid. So incredibly stupid. This wasn't a video game, this was real life. Real life where there were other people in cars, where he didn't know how to park again if he pulled out, where he could steer their car straight into a tree just trying to leave the driveway.
He took a deep breath. It would be fine. It had to be. He was going to learn how to drive, even if only to rub it in people's faces. He hated that his only motivation these days was spite, but it worked well enough. He took his foot slightly off the brake, staring intently backwards as the car crept down the driveway. Past the tree, past the curb, and he was finally on the street. He pressed the brake again, the car coming to a jerky halt.
It was a success, but achieving the small victory alone after so much stress only made him want to cry a little. A lot. It was stupid, but he'd imagined this for a while. It was going to be him and his dad, and he was going to finally put in the time to teach his son how to do something. Driving, no less. It was a small bit of hope, but it was like wings to Shu, offering him the only escape from the small town full of torment and anxieties, like a way to escape from it all. He supposed it was only fitting he did it himself. He did everything important for himself. It was enough to satisfy him for the day, or more accurately, it was too much for him to consider going any further. He slowly inched back up the driveway, and returned to the safety of his room. He could live with his video games for a little longer.