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One thing was certain, and it was that Yondu was going to shove his arrow up his ravagers’ collective asses.
Yondu had long suspected you wouldn’t be able to handle your liquor ever since you became old enough to drink. He noticed how you always got tipsy after just one beer, however luckily, you always stopped after around two, so it had never really been a problem.
Until tonight, that is. Because everyone was celebrating a big score gone well and Peter thought it’d be fun for you to take shots with him and the guys.
Now Yondu had to deal with you being drunk off your ass.
He had pulled Peter aside and growled at him to knock it off earlier that night after he noticed you taking the first shot, saying, “The girl can’t handle her liquor, boy! Don’t be giving her any more, ya hear me?”
This was met with Peter calling Yondu overprotective, but he ultimately conceded and swore that he wouldn’t give you anymore shots.
But Yondu hadn’t said anything about Oblo, Tullk, or Horuz, had he?
The others thought it was real funny how giggly and expressive you’d get when drunk, so it didn’t take much convincing from Peter for them sneak you shots when Yondu wasn’t looking.
By the time Yondu noticed what had happened he was pissed.
He marched over to where you sat next to the guys. You were laughing your ass off at a dumb joke Tullk made, and you were surprised when you saw him and the other three jump up and high tail it out of the way without explanation.
Then Yondu sat in front of you.
“Heyyy!” you giggled, playfully shoving the captain in the shoulder. “Wassup?”
Yondu’s eyes narrowed. “How much did you have?”
“What?”
“How much to drink, girl. I know they were giving ya shots, how many?”
You giggled and pretended to look yourself over. “I dunno what ya mean, I haven’t been shot.” You then preceded to laugh your ass off at what you thought was a hilarious joke.
“PETER!” Yondu snarled, looking around but unable to find the Terran. Kraglin happened to be walking by just then so he settled for pulling him in to see if he could answer the question. “Krags, did'ya happen to see how many she had?”
Kraglin was startled at having been suddenly jerked towards the two of you, but he answered as honestly as he could. “I’m not exactly sure, Cap, but I think I did notice her have at least four? Maybe five? Why?”
Yondu released the first mate’s sleeve and sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose. “Dammit. I’m gonna kill Quill.” he said, before standing and pulling you up from your seat. “Come on. Yer going to bed.” he said gruffly.
“Aw! But I don’t want to!” you whined as he dragged you from the bar, unable to even really walk straight.
“Tough.” Yondu said. “I don’t like ya getting drunk like this. It ain’t good fer ya. You’ll only get into trouble.”
“But ya let the other guys!” you pouted as the doors swung shut behind you and Yondu.
“They can handle it. Ya can’t.” he said flatly. Almost as if on cue you stumbled and almost brought the two of you down. This caused you to giggle madly as Yondu lost his grip on you.
“Catch me if you can!” you squeal in delight as you take off down the corridor.
Yondu swore under his breath as he ran after you. He might’ve called his arrow to stop you in your tracks, but he was worried that your drunk ass would accidentally run into the flarkin thing if he stopped it in front of your face to halt you.
Luckily for him you weren’t exactly fast in your drunken state and he caught you quickly, grabbing you about the waist and pulling you back.
You squeaked at the contact, batting him away. “That tickles! Don’t!” you giggle, squirming away.
Yondu rolled his eyes and sighed, moving his hands to instead rest on your shoulders as he steadied you.
The next couple minutes were relatively quiet, you were just softly giggling and babbling about nonsense while Yondu kept guiding you down the corridor to your quarters.
You were about halfway there when you were hit with a sudden and bad urge to pee. “Wait a sec.” you drunkenly slur to your guide and before Yondu could even react you had already pulled down your pants and had squatted to take a piss in the damn hallway.
Once Yondu realized what was happening he jerked back and looked away, both not wanting anything to splash back on him, and also obviously not interested in looking, grateful that your jacket had blocked anything he might have seen before he reacted and looked away. He pinched the bridge of his nose as his face flushed with embarrassment and irritation at the situation, but there wasn’t exactly a whole lot he could do about it in the moment, it had just happened so quick. He waited until he heard you stand up before looking back.
“I can’t believe ya just pissed on my floor.” he grumbled, side-stepping the mess and calling up Kraglin to send someone down to clean the … “spill…” in the corridor leading towards the crew quarters.
He finally got you to your quarters and ushered you inside so you could sleep it off. He started to nudge you towards your bed when you suddenly announced you were going to be sick.
Yondu’s eyes went wide, and not wanting a similar incident like what had happened in the hallway he quickly ripped a nearby trashcan from the floor and shoved it towards you.
After you had finished vomiting you placed the trashcan back on the floor and stumbled back into a seated position on the bed. “I don’t feel well…”
“Gee, I wonder why.” Yondu said bitterly, arms crossed over his chest. “Ya need to go to bed.”
Just then your eyes flew open and you dumped yourself onto the floor, pulling the trashcan back towards you as you began to vomit again.
Yondu sighed. If anyone were to ask him about what he did next he’d deny it. He knelt down next to you and gently pulled your hair back so that you wouldn’t get sick into it, and there he stayed for a good bit while you emptied the contents of your stomach.
When you had finally finished you sat up and leaned your back against your bed. Then, almost as if noticing Yondu for the first time you leaned into him and hugged him tightly.
He was almost warmed by the gesture, but then to his chagrin, you started bawling.
He made a grimace but returned the hug tentatively, occasionally giving gentle pats to your back with a “There, there.” not really knowing what else to do.
Well, except for one thing. He glanced up to see the door was still opened, and without disturbing you too much from your places on the floor, he kicked it closed. No way in hell was one of his crew going to walk in on this scene and see him being all soft and shit. No way.
Eventually you did start to quiet down and then Yondu attempted to gently prod you into standing up so you could get into bed. Unfortunately for him, you only mumbled nonsense and nuzzled in closer like he was a damn teddy bear or something. So, he gently pried your arms away from him so he could stand up before helping you to your feet.
He had gotten you halfway into bed when it happened. You got sick again. Only this time you didn’t use the trashcan. You got sick on him.
Yondu’s stomach churned but he kept it together, Taking a not-so-deep breath (because of the smell) to keep himself from angrily setting off. There’d be plenty of time to yell at you in the morning, he reasoned.
He quickly put you the rest of the way in bed and luckily you seemed to fall asleep the moment your head hit the pillow. However, not before mumbling out a, “Night, dad.” Yondu raised an eyebrow in surprise, but didn’t give himself time to dwell on it. He was eager to leave and get cleaned up.
He was about a quarter of the way to his quarters when he came across a laughing group a ravagers cutting up and being silly in the corridors. It was Peter, Oblo, and Kraglin, and they all stopped laughing when they noticed both the murderous look on their captain’s face and the mess of sick on his clothes as he approached.
Yondu didn’t stop to talk. Merely glared at them as he made his way past. “Not. A. Word.” he growled at their surprised faces.
They obeyed, but it didn’t stop their giggles once they thought he was out of earshot and they put two and two together. You were really gonna get it in the morning, they thought.
***
The next morning Yondu gave extra cleaning duties to Peter and the other ravagers who got you plastered the night before. He didn’t say it was punishment for what happened, after all it wasn’t like there was a rule against it, but they still knew he was mad. He had woken them up at 5am to tell them to get started while everyone else slept in, after all.
He called you into his quarters shortly after and you made your way over hungover and groggy, the previous night mostly a blur.
You lightly rapped on his door to announce your presence and flinched when you were met with a loud “Come in! It’s open!”
You opened the door and groaned as you entered the room that Yondu had made uncharacteristically bright by seemingly turning on every freaking light he had. Through squinted eyes you made out the form of your captain and you cringed again when he called out in a booming voice, “Have fun last night?” making your temples throb.
Basically, Yondu was being a dick.
You grunted in response and he spoke up again. “So, ya remember anything from last night?” he asked, randomly speaking certain words louder than they needed to be, just to make you further regret your hangover.
You rubbed a hand over your eyes and made another grunt while shrugging your shoulders.
“What was that? Couldn’t hear ya.” he said, a slight smirk playing over his lips.
You groaned and spoke up, “I dunno. Had some drinks with Peter and the guys, went to bed?” You honestly didn’t know why he had to call you in so damn early. Whatever mischief you got up to with the guys couldn’t have been that bad that this couldn’t wait until noon.
“Oh hoho, no!” Yondu laughed almost bitterly, clapping his hands together with a loud pop that made you flinch in pain from the loud noise. “Ya did a lot more than that, missy.”
You just stared up at him weakly, half not giving a shit & wishing to go back to bed and half worried you had done something either dangerous or embarrassing.
“I s'pose ya don’t remember getting sick all over me?” he asked.
Your eyes flew wide, your former grogginess forgotten. Oh no. Please let him be joking. “I’m- so sorry.” you stammered, both in embarrassment and in concern for how he was going to deal with you for that. Surely you wouldn’t get off scot-free for vomiting on your captain. “I- sorry- I-” you didn’t really know what to say. You had apparently thrown up all over your captain the night before. What could you say?
“Oh that ain’t all.” Yondu said in a tone that was obvious it was about to get worse.
Your stomach fell. What could possibly be worse than having drunkenly vomited on your captain? You could feel your cheeks turning pink as you cringed and asked, “Do I wanna know?”
“Prob'ly not, but I’m gonna tell ya anyway.” Yondu said, his hands on his hips. “Ya remember when ya pissed in the hallway?”
Your face turned scarlet. “What?! Please tell me you’re joking.”
“Nope. Ya ripped yer drawers down and popped a squat right in the corridor.”
You covered your burning face with your hands. That. That was what could be worse than throwing up on your captain- literally pissing on his floor in front of him. This was so humiliating, and it only got worse once you realized you probably did it in front of the rest of the crew too. You lowered your hands and asked, “Oh god. How many people saw??”
Yondu wanted to scare you a bit and tell you that you did it in front of the whole crew, but he saw tears start to form in your eyes and just couldn’t bring himself to do it. “Lucky fer you, no one but me. Ya did it when I was dragging yer ass to your quarters to sleep it off. Ya didn’t get sick on me til after that.”
Oddly enough, that didn’t make you feel much better. You tried to wipe the tears from your eyes. “God, I’m never drinking again.”
Yondu scoffed with a laugh. “Yeah, I’ve heard that one before. Ain’t no one who’s ever said that follows through though,” he chuckled. He expected you to laugh too, but he made a grimace when he saw how miserable you looked. “Aw, come here.” he said, pulling you into a hug. “Look, everyone’s done embarrassin’ shit when they’re drunk. It’s just part of life. It ain’t the end of the world.”
You sniffed. “Even you?”
Yondu rolled his eyes and begrudgingly answered. “Ya brat. Even me.” He could tell you wanted to ask, but he moved the conversation along, moving to hold you out at arm’s length. “Better?”
You sheepishly nod and say, “I guess…”
“Good. Ya can be off then.”
You looked at him in confusion. “You mean I’m not in trouble?”
Yondu laughed. “Well, from the look on your face, I thought the humiliation was punishment enough, but since ya asked I guess I can assign ya extra kitchen duties this week. Ya can fill in tonight through Thursday for Gef.”
You grimaced but accepted your fate. “Yes, sir,” you say before turning to leave his quarters.
Yondu chuckled and shook his head after you closed the door behind you, flipping off some of the unnecessary lights. There may be some hiccups now and then, but his not-so-little girl wasn’t turning out too bad.
And even though he knew you’d deny it sober, he was proud you called him dad.
But he’d be damned if he let you drink with Peter again.