Archive of Our Own

Max and Jessica were going for some grocery shopping and Michael joined them since he was bored. Ash was constantly asked if he wanted to accompany them; hell, Michael even tried to drag him into it, but he kept denying. He had some important work to finish.

He gave the most genuine smile he could muster up to the trio; they would never see his face again - and it was for the best, really - so it was sensible to give them a sweet goodbye.

Michael whispered in his ear, as if they were sharing a secret, that he'd bring some of that chocolate that Ash liked since he wasn't joining them. Ash hugged him and told him it wouldn’t be necessary. Jessica kissed his forehead and asked him to be safe. Max clapped his back and asked if he wanted some new book - for some weird reason, he didn't judge him for that. He gave a similar reply. The more that they stayed, the worse it got for him. They were so kind to him and he didn't want to burden them anymore.

After shutting the door, he promptly collapsed, tears flowing from his eyes, cursing everyone and everything he knew for letting him live until that moment. Why couldn't he just die in his mother's womb? His mother didn't want him anyways, so why didn't she kill him? Why did Griffin have to befriend such a humble person? Why did he have-

Jim wasn't wrong, was he? He was nothing like Griffin. He was a useless whore and nothing else. He couldn't ever be anything more than that. No matter where he went, that title would follow him like his shadow. The Glenreeds were good people; why would they want him? And pity could only take you so far. One day, they'd get over their guilt and realize how much of a burden Ash really was. What then? What would they do to him? Would they sell him? Or would they leave him on the streets? 

There were so many questions and none of them had any answer at that moment. The what ifs kept clawing his mind till the only acceptable response was shutting his thinking center completely. It was the only way.

He thought about writing something sweet for them but decided against it. He didn’t want them to remember him at all. 

After his death, everything would fall perfectly into its place. The equilibrium between those three people would be established again. The completed puzzle wouldn't have to find a way to fit an extra piece. All would be right. Besides, how long can you play with a broken toy? Even if you have memories with it, you have to let it go.

He had to go.

It was for the best.

He loved them. He would forever be thankful for the hello, but he had to be the one to say goodbye .

If he wasn’t so keen on killing himself, he would've thought about the fact that bleeding out on the couch of the living room was the worst location ever.

He pulled out the blade that he hid in his pocket whose fabric was surely torn because of it's sharp edges. See? Even his subconscious couldn't stop destroying. He was a vile and malicious creature; only ever exuding negativity. 

The blade dug deep in his skin thrice. One for every person he loved and was leaving behind. 

And God, it was so painful but he knew it was right. He wanted to scream and shout but who would he call for help? It was his decision - letting go - and he was going to stick by it. Soon, it will all be over. 

The red liquid dripped from his wrist on his jeans; he wouldn't want to malign their furniture with his blood. He didn't want to leave any part of him behind.

People like him - the beautiful ones - always go to the best places, he was told this repetitively. But he didn't care about any good place anymore; he just wanted an out. He couldn't ever be a free spirit, wandering around with his own free will. No, that wasn't meant for him. There would always be a cage around him; either someone would force him into it or his head would do that for him. There was no freedom for him, no love. Nothing. 

Max and Jessica were the first pair who wanted to make him feel like he was a part of their family. Michael wanted to be his little brother. But he'd only ever known people who forcibly took him away. He didn't know how to give back. He was a liability and he would always be one if he couldn't be a treasure .

Soon it'll be over.

Soon it'll be over.

Soon-

"What are you doing Ash?" Michael asked from the doorway. He didn't understand what was wrong, but he knew something wasn't right; he was a smart kid.

"We forgot something-" Jessica followed after and stopped in her tracks, her eyes wide. Ash was caught. That was the last thing he wanted. There was nothing worse than being spotted while trying to commit suicide. He was scared; they'd seen him. It was supposed to be done in private. Alone. 

"Ash!" Jessica sprinted over to him and took the blade from his hands. "Michael, call Dad!"

"What's happening-"

"Now! Please !" He dashed out of the apartment after hearing her booming command.

Jessica took off her scarf and tied it around his hand. Her face was white, painted with the horror of witnessing that . Great! He'd given her a brand new trauma. She wiped his tears - and only then he realized he was crying - with trembling hands. She hugged him tight - like how a child would hold sand between their fingers - and Ash sobbed harder till his body was visibly shuddering. That wasn't supposed to happen. It should've been over. 

"We'll work this out, Ash. You don't worry." He didn't understand who she was trying to convince.

The car ride from the hospital to their home was eerily silent. Sure, Max and Jessica kept up a small talk, discussing the most random things they could think of but it was just as loud as some song playing in a cafè. It was just a background noise to create a faux ambience of comfort.

He was going to be kicked out. Maybe that was the reason why they didn't bring Michael with them.

It was bound to happen someday. Ash was, in fact, very glad it was happening so soon. 

But they drove to their residence instead where Michael was waiting at the main entrance. He jumped in the car and they rode straight to an ice cream parlor. Ash looked at them with wild curiosity in his eyes while Michael chanted 'ice cream' all the way till they reached their destination.

Ash got out of the car with shaking legs, still not understanding why he was there. Michael took his left hand - the one without the thick gauze - and quite literally dragged him in. 

Sometimes, he wished he was a child; if only to understand how Michael could even bear to be around someone as filthy as him. Maybe the naivety helped. Not that he would know, his childhood only ever consisted of baseball coaches, an alcoholic father and a departing brother.

"What flavor do you want?" Max asked.

Jessica and Michael responded with their choices but the words sounded foreign to Ash. That was not the kind of ice cream he knew.

"I don't know." He whispered. 

"Chocolate is the safest." Jessica supplied. She took his wounded hand from under the table and softly caressed it. That touch was unacceptably familiar. Comforting.

"Better yet, Ash and I can share a sundae." Michael was so excited that he was a decibel away from yelling.

Max raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?" His son nodded his head quite vigorously while Ash just shrugged.

When they were young, Griffin would sometimes buy him cheap ice cream. But it was so long ago that he didn't remember the taste anymore. Hence, when the so-called 'sundae' was placed in front of him, he wondered if that dessert was always supposed to be that big. He didn't voice out his question; he was taught to be thankful for whatever was given to him.

He took small bites, reserving some sizable portion for Michael. The ice cream was soft and mouth melting, nothing like the icy ones that Griffin could afford. But even then, it reminded him of the happier times. Maybe it had something to do with the pleasant chuckles exchanged between Max and Jessica when their son dropped some of that dessert on the table. Maybe it had something to do with Michael pouting and Jessica offering a bite from her cone. Or maybe it had something to do with how Michael stole some of that ice cream from Ash's spoon.

"Kids, hurry up, it's getting late." Max called out after checking his watch.

"You can have that, Ash." Michael offered from his seat where he laid back, closing his eyes in blissful satisfaction.

"You don't want it?" 

Michael only shook his head.

Not wanting to take too much time, Ash scooped up the leftover dessert and put it in his mouth all at once. If Griffin was there, he'd laugh and say how Ash never grew up while his younger brother was suffering from a brain freeze.

Ash groaned and scrunched his nose. 

"Are you okay?" Max asked, though he was barely holding his laugh.

"You liked it that much?" Jessica teased him softly. A soft red blush crept up it's way on his cheeks. 

"Sorry."

"Don't be. It's okay." She reassured him, squeezing his hand and smiling at him sympathetically.

On the ride back to their apartment, Michael somehow managed to see his bandaged arm. His eyebrows were creased with worry. 

"Does that hurt?"

"Not anymore." 

He resumed his thinking and after a few moments, his eyes glittered. "Mom, did you do that thing you do to me when I get hurt?"

Ash raised an eyebrow, Max smiled softly and Jessica replied with a chuckle, "No, I haven't. Thank you for reminding me."

"What are you talking about?" Ash enquired. But instead of replying, she only winked.

Ash hated surprises. He hated not knowing . Surprises meant that he would have no idea what he was supposed to do or what he was supposed to expect. It scared him. But since he hadn't mentioned that fear to anyone, there was no way for Jessica to know how much she was frightening Ash at that moment. Besides, he didn't expect them to miraculously know all of his strengths and weaknesses so he couldn't really blame them.

Upon reaching home, Max asked both his kids to get ready for bed. Ash lingered around and waited for any command that could tell him if he had to get ready or ready .

He couldn't control how his legs automatically spread apart a bit when he prepared for his slumber. He couldn't calm his racing heart while expecting the worst. He couldn't mumble a goodnight back to Michael before the latter passed out. All because his stupid mind wouldn't stop thinking.

Jessica entered Michael's room after a good while, completing her nightly routines and all. She stood by the doorway with a sweet smile on her face and in that moment Ash couldn't believe that he thought she would do any of what the other people had done to him. Jessica wasn't a monster . He felt the urge to apologise but instead of words, but his throat felt constricted and tears flowed out of his eyes.

"Ash," she hushed him in the warm tone, "are you okay?"

"No." He, for once, didn't lie. 

She gave him an empathetic smile. "It's okay to not be fine. And I promise, things will get better." He nodded in response; he'd believe anything she said.

She kneeled beside the foot of his bed and took his gauzed hand in hers. She soothed the bandage in gentle strokes.

Ash had seen those movements when he was younger. On the way to his baseball coach's house, a kid fell down on the pavement and burst out crying. His mother rushed to him and told him that she'd enchant the pain to go away. She softly brushed her hand over the wound a few times and kissed it. But instead of looking up and mumbling a Better? like the woman from his memory had, Jessica said: "It will take time, darling, but know that I'm always here for you. Okay?"

Ash nodded. She wiped his tears and sat on the edge of the bed. She opened her arms and Ash hid his face against her shoulder, evidently making her nightshirt wet. She wrapped her arms around him and held him till he calmed down then held him for a few more moments. 

"Please don't leave me, Ash." She whispered almost inaudible, like it wasn't supposed to be said out loud. She held him tighter, like she'd fight death itself if it tried to take him away from her.

"Jess?" Ash called from where his head was - he didn't remember that happening - tucked under her chin, "Are you okay?" She nodded in response but guessing from her shift in demeanor, she was anything but.

They were so lost in conversation that neither of them saw Max standing by the door. He'd bought two glasses of water with him. Ash sent a pleading look his way - he really didn't know how to provide the kind of comfort Jessica could. Max gave him an understanding smile and walked towards them. He wrapped his arms around both of them, holding them till Jessica nodded and loosed her hold on Ash.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't supposed to say that. Not now." Jessica whispered and Ash couldn't understand how her voice could be so steady yet trembling.

"It's okay. I'm the one who should be sorry.-"

"No, Ash. Don't be-" Max and Jessica pleaded in unison.

"No! I am sorry for everything that you have to deal with because of me." His voice dropped down to a murmur. "I'll leave whenever you want me to."

A deafening silence surrounded them for a few moments before Jessica spoke again. "Ash, why would we do that to you? You are our family." She replied in the same tone as Ash's.

"Don't do this to yourself. You don't want a burden." 

"Of course, we don't. But you're not a burden."

"How am I not?! Where - where I come from? All the things that I've done - all the things that have been done on me? Hell, I spend my free time thinking about ways to end myself! How am I not…?" The tears started stinging his eyes again; they conveyed what his words couldn't. Those bleeding hands and flowing tears told their own story. He direly hoped someone could interpret it for him someday. "Michael can't- he shouldn't… live with me. I am not the best person to leave your kid with."

"Ash, listen to me carefully," Max sat up a little straighter, "you're only saying this because you still believe that everything that happened to you was your fault-"

"How is it not?"

"Ash, love, you didn't even know what was happening; you were so young." Jessica took his face in her hands and caressed the sticky trail of tears away his cheek. "And Michael loves you. He really doesn't care about all those things - he doesn't even understand them. He just cares about you. We all do." She kissed his forehead. "You are not the monster they wanted you to believe you were. You can't ever be."

Max sighed. "Ash, we don't want to force you for anything. Do you really want to leave us?"

"But it's the right thing…"

"Not really." He took Ash's limp arm and softly traced his knuckles. "That's just someone's opinion that was forced on you. What do you think? What do you want?"

In all honesty, Ash never wanted to leave that place. Or them. He'd stayed with them for only a month but he knew every corner of the apartment and how Jessica read to divert her attention or how Max would cook every Sunday or how Michael had accidentally peeled off a bit of the wallpaper in his parents' room and pretended to have no knowledge of it. He knew of the lazy weekends and the hectic workdays. He knew which mug was Jessica's favorite and how lost Max would get when he was working on his article and just how clumsy Michael was.  He knew every little chuckle and full belly laughs. Every fight and glares exchanged. Every teasing remark. He knew everything about it.

And he loved it.

It was ironic how the mansions he'd lived in could never provide what that modest and cozy apartment could. His house back in Cape Cod - where he spent the first few years of his life - was way bigger; there was so much space to run and hide but it was never his . He was just an occupant of that house. In that apartment - for the first time in his life - he felt the safety of living in a firm establishment. In that place, he knew he wouldn't be sold or abused. It was his safe haven.

He traced the pattern on his blanket with his finger. With his head still down, he shook his head. His mind was still clouded, thinking about all the things that he had done wrong, but the residents of that house were absurd enough to forgive him and let him live.

"Okay then." And he could hear the smile in Max's voice.

Max and Jessica came to check on him every two hours while he pretended he was asleep. At some hour, Max sat beside him and gave a slight squeeze to his hand. 

"It'll be alright." He whispered.

And maybe, just maybe , it would be.

"Ash, do you want to help us?" Max called from the balcony where he was painting pots so he could plant saplings in it.

Ash wasn't doing much, just reading. Might as well make himself useful. "Okay." He said and marched towards the father-son duo.

Max passed him a pot and told him to select a color from the array of pastels, which seemed to be the theme for his mini garden. He picked up a blue since Michael had chosen pink and Max had chosen a lilac shade; it was a nice compliment to their colors.

"Will you two complete it? Jess had some work so I thought I'd cook today." Max asked after he finished his pot.

"Sure." 

"Tell me when it's done so we can plant the saplings in them." Michael only nodded, too engrossed in his work while Ash gave him a thumbs up. "Okay. Enjoy."

There was a quiet harmony established between the two. Neither of them spoke a word to the other, which was quite a groundbreaking thing for Michael. Ash couldn't give a second thought to it since the entirety of his mind was focused on the way the brush spread paint on the pot. It was relaxing watching those rhythmic movements. For a few moments, he was able to shut off his mind.

That was until Michael accidentally spilt paint on the floor. There was a sharp yet faint sound of the plastic can tumbling over. The younger boy froze in his movements and observed the paint that was taking over the floor with wide eyes.

“Is everything alright?” Max asked from the kitchen.

“Yeah.” They answered in unison.

Michael looked at him with his big eyes and a pout on his lips, asking for help. Ash sighed and nodded. He took some old newspapers and spread it over the spill. He then tiptoed over to the bathroom to get a washcloth.

“Spilled paint?” Jessica asked from her room when she spotted Ash.

“Nope, just working on some details.”

Jessica raised her eyebrow. “You’re telling me Michael didn’t spill paint? That’s not very likely to happen.”

Ash shrugged and walked back to the balcony where Michael was waiting for him in anticipation. They tried to keep their movements as indiscrete as possible while scrubbing off the paint. Michael kept looking back, in case someone came over. Ash made sure that the tiles were restored back to their pristine state. He knew how to clean up after his work was done; there were punishments for leaving behind a mess.

When Ash went to dispose of the colored washcloths, Jessica smirked but didn’t say anything. He rolled his eyes and went back to paint his pot. Michael helped him with it; Ash held the pot while he ran the brush lengthwise on it.

"You're doing it on purpose," Ash called out when Michael repeatedly painted his palms which couldn’t hide inside the pot the way his fingers did.

"No, I'm not," he defended but the mischief in his eyes told otherwise.

When they were done, Ash swiped his paint clad hand on Michael's cheek. The latter gasped dramatically and returned the gesture except with a brush.

"That was a lot more paint," Ash said, wiping it off and indirectly spreading it on his cheek. Before he could retaliate in kind, Max came over.

"Are you both done?"

"Yeah."

"Go and wash up. Then we'll continue"

When Ash pulled up his sleeves to avoid wetting the cloth, Michael asked, "Aren't you feeling sweaty in that?" He pointed at his full sleeve. 

Ash was only wearing it to hide his scars. It was uncomfortable - there was no denying that - but it was the simplest way to pretend that those gashes weren't there.

"No, I'm fine."

Max gave them step by step instructions on how to pot a plant. He also carried them out in his pot. He asked them to use their bare hands while putting mud in the pot. Ash thought about how he would've been whipped for making his hands dirty and shivered. It was inconspicuous enough for Max to continue: then came the sapling, then some more mud and there; it was that simple. They sprinkled some water on it and loosened the mud for better water circulation.

It was the first time Ash noticed that the smell of wet mud was heavenly. 

It was ironic how he of all people was supporting another form of life. That he was growing it with his hands. 

Michael picked up a fallen flower and put it behind Ash's ear. "You look pretty."

That 'pretty' was very different from what he was used to hearing. It was more sincere and heartfelt than any those twisted lies that showed him his worth. It was more of an act of giving rather than the taking he was accustomed with.

Ash smiled a genuine smile. "Thank you." His smile only stuttered when his mind provided that if the giver of that compliment was someone older, his next step would have been to walk closer to them.

"Max, I don't like crispy food." Jessica called from her room when the smell of charred food wafted in the air.

"Shit shit shit." Max chanted as he rushed to monitor it while Michael laughed.

"Will we be starving, darling ?"

"Not today, honey ." Max sighed and wiped his hands with the kitchen towel. "Kids, wash your hands; lunch is almost ready."

It felt unfamiliar that he was allowed to clean himself so soon. Ash had had way worse things on his body that he couldn't wash off till he was untied.

But then again, he was supposed to play along with that charade of not being a whore.

Watching that horror movie with Michael was an exercise for Ash to let down his guard so he wouldn't throw anything on the TV every time there was a jump scare. It was the main reason why he agreed to the plan. The other reason was that Jessica was extremely tired, Max was going to come home late and so, naturally, Michael felt rebellious and he wasn't going to watch it alone.

If it wasn't for the jump scares, there was nothing haunting about that movie. If those scenes were deleted from the movie, Ash and Michael wouldn't be clinging onto each other so desperately. 

"How much longer do we have to watch it?" Ash asked.

"We've not even reached the intermission, Ash. Wait." Michael said, holding Ash's nightshirt tightly.

The music cleared out, the lighting changed and so did the camera angles. Another jump scare was on its way. He gulped and leaned away from the screen till the couch obstructed any further movement. Michael hid his face in Ash's shirt till he could vaguely see the screen.

Ash wasn't scared; he was just feeling defenseless.

It didn't help that Max had the absolute worst timing. He entered the apartment at the same time the so-called ghost jumped on the screen.

They both shrieked while Ash, additionally, threw a pillow Max's way. Quite forcefully, might he add.

"What - what happened?" Max asked, catching the pillow and looking around with panic filled eyes.

Jessica rushed out of her room in alarm. "What's wrong?"

Ash tried, he really did; he pursed in his lips to stop any laughter from slipping out of his mouth. But Michael broke his focus by snickering in such a controlled manner that his whole body shook and they both burst out laughing.

"Dad just came in at the exact time the ghost appeared."

Jessica, in her half conscious state, glared at Max.

"I didn't even do anything!" Max justified.

"Sorry. We'll go to our room now." Ash held the younger one's hand and rushed in before they had any chance to be scolded or grounded.

He was tired and hence the moment his body touched the bed, he started drifting off. The movie didn't leave any aftershocks on him; he'd seen much worse in his lifetime. After a few moments of - some might say eerie - silence, Michael disturbed his peace.

"Ash?"

"Hmm."

"Can you share your bed with me?"

Ash sighed. "I told you not to watch that damned movie!"

"Yeah, but guess what? We've already watched it and now I'm scared. Can you share your bed?"

"I move around a lot." That was obviously a lie; he slept like he was dead. He just wasn't accustomed with sharing a bed with someone who didn't have any intentions of fucking him.

"Well then we'll have a competition." Michael whined. "Please Ash?"

Ash sighed, yet again. "Fine." He scooted towards the edge of the bed, making space for it's second occupant.

"Ash?"

"What now?"

"Can you turn on your light?" He did as instructed and Michael sprinted towards his bed. He chuckled. "Hey, don't laugh!" The younger cribbed, beating his chest. After a moment of silence, he continued. "And… if something happens - like if something crawls up - when I'm sleeping, please save me or wake me up or something. Be my hero, please." If the light would have been on, he would've seen Michael making the wide eyes of appeal.

"Hero?" Ash snorted. "I'm pretty sure I'm a villain."

"No, you're not." Michael scoffed.

"Really? Why is that?" He'd heard many reasons from Max and Jessica but he didn't think Michael would have that kind of emotional quotient.

"Villains are cool - like - really cool. You're not. You're the spandex kinda hero."

"What does that even mean?" Ash huffed. "And do you like villains?" When Michael nodded vigorously, Ash furrowed his eyebrows. "Why would you like them?"

Michael gasped and got up, clearly offended. "Why would you not? The entire point of having a misunderstood villain is to teach you how to be good. If one thing in their lives - the turning point - would've been different, they would've been completely different people! If people had just treated them kindly or nicely they wouldn't have been like that!" He rolled his eyes and fell back on Ash's side, holding him. "Besides, you're not the bad sort of villain either."

"And why is that?" Ash folded his hand beneath his head, making a faux cushion. That conversation was obviously interesting. He never knew he couldn't be a villain because he didn't have that specific appeal.

"Because they're very ugly . You're not up to their level."

"I don't know if I just got insulted or complimented." 

"Well, you're too dumb to understand that."

"That's it. Get out." Since he clearly had the upper hand in the situation, he was going to mess around a little. He pushed Michael slightly while the latter clinged to his arm.

"No, no. I'm sorry. You're the best, Ash."

"No need to butter me." 

"Good. I don't have any more compliments to give."

He pulled Michael's cheek with his free hand. "Aw, you're so sweet, Mickey."

Michael swatted his hand away. "Mickey? Really?" Before Ash could apologise, he continued. "Now, I have to give you a nickname too."

"I'd rather you not."

"No, it's only fair!" Michael whined. "Did Griffin have a nickname for you."

A reminiscent smile made its way on his lips. Soft sounds and open grounds filled his mind. Vast endless fields and he was running in them, Griffin chasing him with some threat that they both knew was not going to be carried out. Halloween nights and costumes. Endless poems about things he would never understand. Service uniforms and baseball bats. Tears and promises.

"He called me Ash most of the times but if I annoyed him a little too much, then - yeah - he had a very hideous nickname for me."

"Yeah? What was it?"

A blush of embarrassment crept on his cheeks and he pursed his lips in. "I'm not telling you that."

"Come on !" Michael whacked his shoulder.

"No."

"Maybe Dad knows. I'll ask him."

"Sure. Try your luck." And he desperately hoped Griffin had kept that a secret or Max had forgotten the mentions of any such words.

But it turned out that luck wasn't on his side. While having dinner, when Max was free from his work, Michael brought forth the question.

"Dad, do you know what nickname Griffin used for Ash?"

Ash promptly choked on his food and looked at Michael with wide eyes. "Right now? Seriously?"

"It was rather silent, don't you think?" The brunette shrugged and Ash didn't miss the smirk he was trying to hide. He was probably glaring daggers at Michael since he carried on with "Don't look at me like that!"

"Like what?"

"Like that !" 

"No fighting while eating." Jessica intervened sternly.

"Griffin only ever talked about you," he laughed to himself, "and he did use a specific nickname for you." He scratched his chin. "I think I remember -"

"No, you don't. You don't know anything." He brought up his fork as a weapon.

Max raised his hands in mock surrender. "No, I don't."

" Dad !" Michael whined and Jessica looked at her husband with curious eyes. She was going to coax an answer out of him.

"This is exactly why I don't like food." Ash whined.

"You're not getting up from your seat until you finish what's on your plate." Jessica commanded. "It's okay, Ash. You're here with us." She whispered in a low voice only audible to his ears and squeezed his free hand. "It's not that bad, is it?" She teased with a soft smile.

Ash sighed and gulped down the rest of the food.

Mothers had the worst power of emotional blackmail.

Later, when Jessica came to kiss her son goodnight, her eyes were filled with mirth. Dammit, Max!

"It's not that embarrassing." Jessica commented as she pulled up Michael's blanket.

Ash hid his face beneath the pillow. "I thought you were on my side!" He whined.

She chuckled softly. "Of course I am." She patted his shoulder and he came out of his shell. She pulled up his blanket and kissed his forehead. "Goodnight, Ashy bear." 

"Wait, what?" Michael jumped up to a sitting position and all the blood drained out of Ash's face.

"I'm sorry, Ash." Max stood by the doorway, barely controlling the laugh that was slipping out; his face looked anything but sorry.

"Are you really?" He glared but Max only chuckled. Did no one find him intimidating anymore?

"Oh my God, Ashy-"

"Choose your next words wisely."

"Bea-"

"As interesting as this conversation is, I'd love it if you both stop it and sleep." When both of them deadpanned at Max, he furrowed his brows. "What? It's 1AM. You both better sleep."

"I'm seventeen, for God sake."

"That doesn't mean you won't sleep, Ash."

"Contrary to your belief, that is exactly what it means."

"Okay," Jessica cut in for the second time that day and pushed Max out, "good night."

He flipped on his stomach and hid his face in the pillow. Ashy bear ! Couldn't Griffin choose something that was not that atrocious thing? And why did he have to share it with his friends? Of course Griffin couldn't have possibly known how things were going to change but as brothers he would have loved if some things were kept confidential between them. But then again, being an elder brother meant that Griffin's primary job was to mock him.

"Ash, I figured it out." Michael sat up. His eyes were shining.

"What?"

"Your nick-"

"Oh my god! Would you drop it already?"

"Ashy boo."

He would never forgive Griffin for that for the pain he had to endure because he couldn't keep secrets.

He threw his pillow which landed squarely on a snickering Michael's face. Ashy boo . 

(In a way, it was good; a very familiar soft voice calling him that hideous thing wouldn't haunt his dreams when he had something to beat it's atrocity.)

"Hey, Ash?"

"What now?"

"Can you share your-"

"Absolutely not."

"Too bad I wasn't asking." That was all the warning Ash got before Michael, quite literally, jumped on him. Ash coughed at the sudden pressure his lungs were put under.

"I'm never letting you watch horror movies again." He grumbled and tried to push Michael off of him. But the latter had suddenly decided that he wanted to be a Koala bear; he tightened his grip around Ash and if he was any stronger, he would've choked the blonde. He couldn't push off the brunette without hurting him. "Get off."

"What did I tell you, Ashy boo? You're supposed to be my hero. I won't leave you."

But who was going to tell him that a few weeks ago, Ash had tried to.

The photoshoot for Jessica's magazine was held at a beach in LA. So that's where they went to lounge about till she was done with her work.

Michael was beyond excited to spend a day with the waves. Max drew his energy from his son's enthusiasm. Ash carried a copy of The Book Thief with him; he had pledged not to be involved in any strenuous activity.

The father and son duo had put on a decent beach wear whereas Ash put on a full sleeve - his bandage was removed, making him very conscious about the conspicuous wounds - and some pants, pretending that he wasn't being forced to go out of their house. 

(Not that he was forced by anyone. But it was either him accompanying Jessica with them or them staying back with him. It was obvious what he was going to choose.)

Max had skimmed through many beaches and found one which was the least populated. (It was summer - people were bound to crowd up.)

As soon as he got out of the car, he took a deep breath in. His therapist had told him to observe every little thing in his life; the little moments that he'd missed because he was too busy being fucked.

The air tasted salty on his spit wet lips. The breeze was humid and gentle like Jessica's caress when she miraculously understood that Ash wasn't feeling his best. The sounds of the waves were soft like Michael's voice when he discussed his dream of swimming with dolphins right before he slept. The sun was soothingly warm like Max's smile when he had requested him to talk about his brother - anything and everything he knew about him - because he was missing him.

He was told it was okay to associate people to anything he saw; that was how memories were made.

There was a sweet tranquil between him and nature. That was until - there was, obviously, a pattern here - Michael interrupted him by dragging him to the water. He had the momentum and, hence, could easily pull Ash to the waves. Damn the hightide for not giving him enough time to pull back.

"Michael, wait let me fold my-" But, like any other time, the younger of the two didn't listen to him and Ash's pants were soaked till his knees.

Michael looked up at him with beaming twinkling eyes and Ash sighed off any annoyance let in him. He did roll his eyes but it didn't dim any glow from the brunette's face. Not like Ash had any intention to do that.

"Ash, you can't go back already!" Michael whined when he started retreating back from the water.

"I'm going to read for a while, then I'll join you." No he wouldn't.

"Promise?" The brunette looked up at him with that wide-eyed-innocence-of-an-angel look and in that moment Ash knew he had no other choice.

He sighed. "Yeah."

He dusted off any sand stuck on his pants with a towel. There was a seating arrangement not far off of the waves. Max had ensconced himself there with all their belongings spread around. There was a parasol shielding them from the sun. Michael called for Max and the latter laughed and chased after his son. Ecstatic harmonies of laughter - not only belonging to the father-son duo - filled the air and Ash commenced his reading in peaceful bliss.

At some point of time, Michael and his father involved themselves in making some sort of structure which should've represented a castle but didn't. It was adorable; Max's thick fingers couldn't shape it properly and that fact wasn't spared from Michael's annoyance. Ash thought of volunteering but he didn't want to disturb that harmony between the two. It would make a lovely picture - the kind you'd find in catalogues which were supposed to remind you of love and warmth - and that was the exact reason why Ash didn't want to be a part of that scene.

He sighed and trailed his eyes back to his book. 

Max came back after some time with a wide smile from spending all that time with his son. "How's that book?" He asked and that smile didn't waiver from his face. Ash was doing a considerably boring task so he'd be fine if he got a little bit of judgment for it. In fact, he'd love that. If only someone wasn't so accepting.

"It's good. I can't say much though; I haven't completed it."

"Ash, come on now." Michael whined.

"In a few minutes." Ash excused himself.

"I knew you'd say that." The brunette pouted and plopped down on Ash's seat. There was a suspicious silence till Michael dumped a handful of sand on his book, screaming "For Narnia."

Damn the person who named him Aslan.

"You've done it now." He shut his book and chased after the younger one. Michael laughed, running in zig zags in an attempt to save himself. Ash had a grin on his face as well and he was glad that there was no one to point it out.

Somewhere in the chase, Michael - because he was such a clumsy idiot - knocked over a tripod. A camera was mounted on top of it. With fear in his wide eyes, he hid himself behind Ash.

The owner of the camera came rushing to it as soon he heard the crashing sound. He looked younger than Ash, had curly hair, was Asian, had a well built physique (and had a terrible sense of fashion, but that wasn't important). 

Ash took a deep breath. He wasn't a sweet obedient child himself when he was younger. Griffin had to constantly apologize for him. He had to do that for Michael.

He wasn't big on communicating with another human but that person seemed to be - if not younger - of the same age as Ash and he would probably not having any lewd intention in his mind, at least he hoped so, and -

The only time he was asked to talk to a stranger was when he was selling himself.

Deep breaths. In and out.

"Excuse me?"

"Yes?" The person looked up. His brown eyes were strangely comforting. Thankfully for Ash, he read the situation himself and waved it off. "Don't worry," he began in thickly accented English, "it is okay. Good." He animated his speech with hand gestures for better comprehension. 

"Are you sure? Do you want some help?" Please say no.

"No, it's fine." He smiled and Ash wasn't proud to admit but it settled an odd warm feeling in his chest. Watching him smile was like witnessing a flower bloom.

"Ash, you're staring." Michael whispered from below him.

"Sorry for incon - inconvi - problem." The stranger bowed down. The smile was replaced with a solemn look as if he was convinced that he had made the mistake. It probably had something to do with the fact that Ash didn't have the most inviting faces for normal people and it somehow made the stranger believe that it was his fault.

It was a criminal offence to be the reason for the retreat of that smile. "No, no. We're sorry." Ash nudged the younger one.

"Yeah, it was my fault. I'm sorry."

"It is okay. You did not do it on purpose." He smiled sweetly and Michael relaxed. He then zoomed the camera on the water, checking it's lens and other functions. "Camera is okay." He gave them a thumbs up and smiled. Ash was, once again, left defenseless. "You can, um, continue."

"Sure?" He asked for the last time. The stranger nodded vigorously. Ash gave his own acknowledging nod and turned to the water.

That was the most embarrassing conversation he'd ever had with another human.

Michael pulled his shirt. "What?" Ash grumbled.

Instead of remorse, the brunette's eyes were twinkling with mischief. "Ashy boo got a crush."

What had he done to deserve that?

"You have three seconds to save yourself."

Michael ran into the water and Ash followed him. Water was splashed till they were soaking wet. Ash forgot for those moments that he hadn't carried a spare set of clothes. All that he knew was that he was laughing and dodging attacks and splashing back with the same vigor. For a few moments, Michael allowed him to be a child.

On the way back, Michael asked to be carried on Ash's back. After a lot of bickering and negotiation, the brunette somehow convinced Ash and found himself a seat on the elder's shoulders. It took some time to find his balance but soon he was able to establish the normalcy.

Whenever Griffin had the misfortune of picking Ash up in his shoulders, he would wrap his hands tightly around his elder brother's eyes. If Griffin would have lost his vision back then, it was definitely Ash's fault. Michael had similar tendencies and therefore Ash held his tiny hands in his own.

"You okay there?" Ash looked up.

The little one smiled. "Yep. All good here."

"I won't drop you." 

Michael freed one of his hands and pinched Ash's nose. "I know you won't."

When they walked back to their seat, the stranger was talking to Max, showing him a picture he took. He had the same magnificent smile except it was a tad bit bashful. A little girl was also attached to him. She had the same glimmering eyes and blinding smile. Her hair were straight instead of the stranger's curly ones.

"What are you doing?" Ash asked as he lowered Michael on the seat.

"Oh, I asked Eiji here to take a picture of you both. You wanna see?" 

Before Ash could reply or have the time to panic, Eiji pushed his camera towards him. He had squeezed his eyes shut, trying to breath the moment out. Calm down. It's alright. Max is right here. 

Max kneeled beside him and held his arms, moving his thumbs in circles. He didn't cage Ash, just provided him with a material reassurance that he was there for him.

Ash only opened his eyes when Michael gasped out, "Ash, it's lovely!"

He first looked up at Eiji, trying to find any hidden truths in his eyes. To know if he should drop everything and run for his life. But those brown orbs only held the mirth of an expectant praise.

Besides, Max was right there. And he'd learnt it in the last two months that he wouldn't let anyone harm Ash.

He looked down at the picture and it was… lovely . In every sense of that word.

It was taken during the initial moments, when Ash had just figured out how to balance with Michael on his shoulders. There was a euphoric smile on their faces. The water was flowing with a little more enthusiasm. The sun was shining brighter than ever. And it was all just lovely .

The picture was interwoven in some pattern of strength and vulnerability. Something delicate and unattainable. Something tender and enchanting. Something beyond words. It was a feeling in itself.

In that picture, he wasn't some broken and used human. Not someone who was fucked in the head. Not a slut. Not a thing to be used for pleasure. Not a monster. Just Ash.

If he wasn't so aware of the fact that he was in public, he would've cried.

"It's - it's beautiful." He somehow managed to squeak.

He turned to Max who had a knowing smile on his face as if he'd seen past Ash and knew he'd love that photograph. Eiji was absolutely delighted and his eyes shined with that emotion. The little girl - who Ash was beginning to think was Eiji's sister - grinned with pride in her eyes.

"Since we don't have many photos of both of you together, should we frame this?" Max pointed at Eiji's camera.

Michael screamed his approval and Ash muttered a timid "I don't mind." Whenever he'd seen his photographs, he felt like burning every single on them and monitoring it till they turned into ashes. But that picture, he wanted to see it again and again, if only to remind himself that he was in a very different - and rather loving - place now.

"Okay. I'll take it from your office, Eiji? Is that okay?" 

Eiji nodded vigorously. "Yes. I gave you address. You can come there."

"Okay."

"Ei-chan? Mizu-chan?" A man probably of the same age as Max called them out. 

" Hai , Ibe-san."

"Ibe?" Max got up from his position and walked out. The other man - Ibe - was still for a moment before he laughed warmly.

"Max! How are you? What a coincidence."

"They know each other?" Eiji asked and Ash shrugged.

Meanwhile, Michael and Mizu-chan slapped their forehead. "This will take forever !" Michael groaned.

"Same Ibe-san." Mizu-chan agreed.

While the elder men talked, Michael introduced himself to the two supposed strangers. He then looked at the little girl with curiosity and asked, "Is your name Mizu-chan?" He asked Eiji's sister.

She laughed. "No. My name is Mizuki." 

She wasted no time in the formalities and took out her hidden treasure of sea shells and shaped stones that she'd hidden in her pocket. If possible, Michael's eyes widened further. She presented her collection to the brunette for inspection which the latter did without hesitation. He picked up an interestingly shaped stone and marvelled at it.

"Where did you get it from?"

She pointed at an almost deserted side of the shore. "There."

Michael jumped on his spot, Mizuki mirrored his excitement and copied his actions. "Can we please go there Ash?" He pleaded.

He shrugged. It wasn't that far away from his line of vision. "Sure."

"Do not go too far." Eiji supplied.

" Hai. Hai."

Eiji pulled out his laptop but kept his eyes trained on the duo. Once they'd settled, he averted his eyes to the screen and opened an image viewer.

Ash kept one eye on them and the other on the laptop screen. "Mind if I look?" He asked.

"No." Eiji smiled invitingly. He patted at a spot beside him.

Eiji's photography had some sort of ethereal element in it. It was a moment frozen in time. There were birds, waves, clouds all merged in a harmonious mix. Something that would make you sit back and sigh in relief. Like all was or would be right. Like watching the flowers of the plant he'd planted bloom. 

His wet body had started drying up. It'd take them two hours to reach their hotel. (Being the chief editor, Jessica got them a room with two beds.) But he didn't count the moments to go back to the people he knew. He, for some weird reason, quite adored the fact that he was surrounded by love; the water, the sand, the people and every other thing. And for those few moments, he allowed himself to revel in that sensation.

The peace only lasted for a few seconds till Michael decided that he must tease Ash that he talked to another person who wasn't a Glenreed . 

Michael bent forward, in between their car seats, with a shit eating grin on his face. "Dad, did you know that Ash has a crush on that beach boy - I guess his name was Eiji?"

Ash looked back with offense painted all over his face. "I didn't even spend a complete hour with him!" And because Max was such a traitor, he laughed.

"No but you should've seen his face when Eiji was talking to him." Michael reenacted an exaggerated version of their conversation. Max looked at him through the rear view mirror and chortled at his antics.

Ash grumbled, and he was sure he was pouting. "Shut up!" He leaned against the window folding his arms to his chest.

"Aw, Ashy - Dad, snow cones!" Michael exclaimed and Max parked the car at the side of the road.

Ash stayed in the car - still pouting for being mocked about something that was completely made up - but opened his door. Max bought three cones for each one of them.

"Bet you can't eat this faster than me." Ash challenged.

Max huffed out a breath, taken aback and Michael leaned forward and said, "You're on."

Ash gave them a count but when the father-son duo hurried on to fill their mouths with ice, Ash sat back and smirked. The brain freeze caught up soon after.

"Cheers," Ash declared, triumphant.

"Ugh!" Max groaned followed with some sort of an appreciative laugh.

"You're so mean." Michael hit his head in hopes of getting his pain under control.

Since Michael was so tired, he fell asleep on the ride back to the hotel. Max turned down the music and let a comfortable silence dwell in that car. The AC vents were turned away from Ash so that he wouldn't catch a cold.

When they reached Jessica's office, Max turned to him with that kind fatherly smile. "So, do you actually like Eiji?"

Ash grumbled and rubbed his face out of frustration. " No ! I do not ! Now, will you please-"

"I was just asking, Ash. Calm down." He chuckled softly and ruffled his hair. "But, when you do get to meet someone - someone you'd want to love and someone who loves you - not only in a romantic sense - please allow yourself to have it. You deserve every bit of love showered upon you." Max's eyes were impossibly tender as rubbed Ash's left hand - the wounded one - between his own.

"Okay." 

Just because Max was saying it, he'd believe in that hoax.

Max patted his shoulder and Jessica got into the car. Michael groaned and yawned his greeting.

"Hi sweetheart," she pulled Ash's cheek. (They had to stop that before she ripped off his cheeks.) "What did you all do? What did I miss?"

Michael rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "Ash made a new friend today."

"Oh, come on!” He turned away from everyone and pointedly looked out of the window. “I'm so done with this!"

"Hello, we are your new neighbors." Two children introduced themselves to Jessica who'd opened the door. "You have already met our mother." A guy continued. (The voice sounded familiar but he didn't pay much attention to it. The book in his hand was the only thing he was interested in.)

"Okumura?" Jessica guessed.

"Yes." 

He didn't have to look at her to know that she had a warm smile on her face. "Welcome. What are your names?"

"Eiji and Mizuki." His eyes widened and so did Max and Michael's. He slowly shut his book and got up from his seat.

And lo and behold, the two siblings that he'd met at the beach were standing at his door. If it was any consolation, the Okumura siblings were just as surprised.

"Ash, I don't know how to tell you this but this is not a coincidence. This is your destiny." Michael whispered.

Ash glared at him.

Jessica read their expressions and questioned, " Do you guys know each other?"

Eiji smiled warmly at them. "Yes, we met at beach two days back."

"I told you about them." Michael supplied, raising his eyebrows as if he was telepathically telling her something.

"Oh." She looked at them then Ash. " Oh ."

If it wasn't considered so rude, Ash would've asked their new neighbors to leave that place and never come back. He knew for a fact that at night - no matter how delectable Jessica's food would be - it would be powerless against the gossip of their new neighbors and the critically acclaimed (by the one and only, Michael) story of how Ash somehow managed to befriend them. He could sense the storm coming his way.

The rest of his days were certainly going to be interesting.

That day, his therapist - Agnes - had called for Jessica to accompany Ash in his session. It was sort of like a progress check, he guessed, though there weren't any questions she'd asked that could determine if he was getting better or not. Neither did she ask for Ash to leave the room so she could talk to Jessica alone. It was like any other session.

Agnes was bright and cheerful for someone who only ever heard of people's melancholy. She was more friendly than her profession should have allowed. But the most astounding fact about her was that she could coax Ash into - at the very least - speaking during her sessions. 

(It did help that her eyes shined just like Griffin when she smiled.)

She always kept the windows open for Ash after he'd told her that sitting in that tight room with someone who was elder to him made him extremely uncomfortable. Sometimes, she'd remove her slippers and sit cross legged on her chair just to create some semblance of informality for Ash. She always looked for ways to make him feel safe and though he didn't completely trust her, he appreciated her efforts.

The session was about to end. She smiled at Jessica then Ash. "So, is there anything you want to tell us?" 

They were trying to help him. He had   to be honest with them. He looked down; he couldn't possibly face them. "Yes."

"Oh? Okay." From the corner of his eye, he saw Jessica looking at him with her head tilted to his side. 

He looked down at his hand and the three cuts permanently painted on it. He thought about how much it hurt when the blade sliced his skin and how badly Jessica had panicked when she saw him. How Max whispered it'll be alright to himself all the way to the hospital. And how Michael told Ash that Jessica had begged him to sleep with them that day. He thought about all that they'd done to make his life better yet he was still stuck in that loop of destruction.

Why couldn't he get better?! Why did he have to fuck things up?

Tears were welling in his eyes. He wanted to be honest with Jessica. "I thought about it… about…" he sighed wishing for someone to give him that courage to confess his failure, "about killing myself." He had never hated himself more than he did in that moment.

He thought about how Jessica had whispered to the air around him while holding him tightly. Please don't leave me, Ash.

"I'm sorry." He covered his face with his hands. "I'm so sorry. I can't do this. I don't think I can do anything right! I'm so sorry." His body trembled as he curled in on himself. "I'm sorry. I can't ever get better."

Jessica placed her hand on his back gingerly and moved it in slow circles. "Ash?" She called and her voice was so tender and warm and concerned that he couldn't overcome his urge to embrace her. He held her as tight as he'd held Griffin when he was leaving for Iraq. Like in the very next moment, she would disappear in thin air and never come back. Like he'd only ever remember her in memory.

"I - I can't watch it end! I am - I am so happy with you all. I'd rather kill myself then watch it end. I'm - I'm sorry." He hiccupped some incoherent sentences and hid his face in the crook of her neck. "I'm so sorry." He squeezed his eyes shut trying in vain for the tears to stop. "I'm sorry for letting you down."

She hushed him softly. "Calm down."

"I apologize for my intrusion, but can I say something?" Agnes started. "Ash, what did I say was the first and the most important thing about therapy?" He knew the answer to her question but he refused to come out of his cocoon. He sniffed and let her continue. "It takes time to heal. You have to be patient with yourself." Jessica rested her head on his, completely hiding him from the world. "Besides, you're already getting better. You managed to stop yourself, right? And you even told us. That is some really good progress, Ash."

He was still sniffling but his tears had started drying up. He nodded in acknowledgement. He didn't believe in that hoax but the woman sitting on that cushioned chair was obviously wiser so he didn't deny.

"And more than anything, Ash, you have to trust yourself. It won't be easy, that is for sure, but you will heal."

They both knew that that conversation wasn't over yet. Ash could observe a pattern and anticipate that Agnes was going to talk about his confession at length in the next session. It was mostly because he got a little overwhelmed when they talked about a delicate topic when he was in his fragile state of mind. They also knew that since he'd admitted his self harm plan in front of Jessica, he wasn't going to do it.

She talked a little more, something casual - mostly to Jessica - till Ash had calmed down. Jessica held his hand even when they parted the embrace. She - much to his embarrassment - wiped his eyes with her napkin and kissed his head. Agnes gave him one last smile and a nod before concluding the session. 

Jessica sat him down on one of the reception benches after they walked out of the room. The last patient had entered and the lobby was deserted save for them. She fixed his hair which was tussled from all that crying and exasperatedly running his hands through his hair. Ash sat quietly and let her do whatever she wanted. When she was satisfied with her job, she held up his chin so they were looking at each other's eyes.

"Ash - I'll say this as many times I have to, to make you believe it - we are never going to leave you. You are a part of our family. This is never ever going to end."

"But what if you change your mind? Because obviously, why would you want-"

"Sweetheart, that's never happening. We are never going to leave you."

"Never?" It was the most stupid question he would've ever asked. 

She kissed his head, then both his cheeks and finally his nose. "Never." She pushed a strand of his hair behind his ear. "Do you want to go to the library for a bit? I have some pending work; I'll join you."

He nodded an affirmative. There were too many emotions clustering up his mind. For a few minutes, he wanted to tune everything out and just breathe. Books helped with that. They always helped.

When they had ensconced themselves in the car, Jessica took his left hand in hers. She rolled up his sleeve to reveal the three scars and kissed them. "And, Ash," she kissed his head, "I'm proud of you."

That was all it took for Ash to feel worthy . 

Never in a million years did he think he'd be someone's pride and joy.

And since Jessica was the speaker of those words, he knew she wasn't lying.

He'd immersed himself in the copy of Finding Alaska . He'd just randomly skimmed through the titles and picked up the one with the nicest font. His intention wasn't to read; he just wanted to clear up his mind. Though he would admit, the book turned out to be interesting.

The peace of the library and the smell of books helped him establish a sweet tranquil in his head. Beside him, Jessica checked her emails and sent a suitable reply. She would check her phone in every few minutes, texting back or scrolling through her to-do list. In the midst of reading some messages, Jessica scoffed out loud. She was quick to disguise it as a cough and after a few moments she passed the phone to Ash.

It was a text conversation between her and Max. Well, it was Michael using his dad's phone. He'd sent a photo of a sleeping Max with doodles on his face, captioning it as Dad's tired today. Let's order take-out. Ash grinned and passed her phone back to her.

"Are you okay with eating from that Chinese place?" Jessica asked, pulling up a photo of their menu from her gallery.

"Sure." When it came to food, all Ash ever knew was that he was going to have to eat any - admittedly tasty - meal that Jessica served on his plate. 

"Okay, what do you want to have?" She zoomed and spanned the image.

"You choose for me."

"Okay, then." She continued with reading out the names of delicacies and comparing them with Ash's preferences but he was too lost in the book to give his inputs for the discussion.

After spending some hours in the library, they drove back home. Max had called them to inform about his fatigued state and whether they would be okay with take-out. Jessica quipped back by saying that she'd already predicted about his worn out state and had ordered from Chang Dai . The thing was that when Max was really exhausted, he didn't give two fucks about what was happening around him. He'd take some time to sober up from the nap and maybe then he'd think about Jessica's statement.

In the elevator, they encountered Mrs Okumura and Mizuki. She was holding a small Labrador puppy in her hands. Mizuki presented the tiny thing in her hands to Ash with that huge megawatt smile. "Ash, we buy dog." She exclaimed and sometimes he didn't understand how kids could be so unbothered by everything.

Ash gave it a customary petting, returning her smile. "It's cute." That made Mizuki smile so wide that her eyes hid behind her eyelids. 

"It is! It is! We love dog!" Mizuki seemed unfazed by her lack of command of the language and, for her sake, Ash hoped that when joined a school, she would be able to retain that attitude.

"Oh, Jessica," Mrs Okumura started fishing out a scarf from her purse, "thank you so much for helping me out that day. I'm not used to the heat here." She had served international clients when she prevailed in Japan and hence was much better in speaking the language. She was a lawyer by profession, and judging by the way Eiji talked about his mother, Ash guessed she was a good one.

Jessica smiled warmly and accepted her scarf. "No worries, Haruhi. And you don't need to find me to give it back. You could've just dropped it at home."

"I did but Mr Glenreed - let's just say he was in a compromised state. And I may or may not have screamed because of that." She hid her face behind her hands. Ash knew exactly what might've happened.

And apparently so did Jessica. She stifled a laugh and said, "Did he have something on his face?" Mrs Okumura veiled her smile with her palm and nodded her head. Jessica laughed along. "Michael was feeling creative, I guess."

They dispersed to their respective houses when they arrived at their floor. When Michael opened the door for them, he was snickering which meant that Max was yet to notice the doodling on his face. Ash presumed that he woke up from his nap and resumed his report writing.

Ash had mastered the art of not showing his true expressions on his face yet with them it proved to be a harder job. Every time Michael ran into his room to gain some control over his laughter, he had to purse his lips. Jessica would see his face and bite her lip and pretend to scroll through her phone.

After a few minutes, they received the delivery from Chang Dai . Ash opened the door, saving Max from any further embarrassment. 

The delivery guy's hair were styled in a purple Mohawk, wore shades (at night) and was wearing ripped jeans. "You look like you're about to steal from our house." Ash blurted out before thinking.

Surprisingly, the guy started laughing before Ash could apologize for his rude comment. "It's the hair, right? You're not the only one who thinks that. But - I love my sister to death, okay? - I don't trust her enough to cut them." He passed the bag of Chinese food to him. "Anyways, here ya go." He took the money and gave Ash some sort of a two fingered salute before swerving his way back.

Max didn't realize that there was something doodled on his face until they were getting ready for bed. And if his assumptions were right, Jessica might have provided detailed information - who, when and what - right before she crashed the bed.

Ash was reading his book under the lamp light. His eyes were burning but there were only a few more pages left. He was not backing away now. Michael was chattering about something to which he would hum his acknowledgement at appropriate occasions. No one, absolutely no one, was going to stop him from completing that book.

That time, it was Max who was the peace destroyer. He stormed into their room like a whirlwind with a marker clasped between his lips - Ash stopped looking then; the situation didn't concern him - and charged towards Michael's bed, screaming some sort of a battle cry of "My turn now!"

Michael started screaming before he even sprang out of his bed. He jumped, crossed the distance between their beds and landed on Ash's back. The impact made him drop the book on the floor. His fury was most definitely evident on his face as he turned towards Michael. The younger of the two already knew that he was doomed. To make up for the damage, he started hastily apologizing but Ash was having none of that. There were only two more pages. Two. "You know what Max, I'll help you."

Michael scrambled off before Ash could catch him, pointing the finger of betrayal at the blonde and rushing to his mom. Jessica was too deep in her slumber to help the brunette. Instead, Michael slipped into her blanket - she instinctively wrapped her hand around him - and hid there. Ash looked at the scene with his hands folded to his chest. He huffed and closed the door.

Still puffing his chest, he stood outside the door, patiently waiting for his prey. For some reason, Max found his rage amusing. "You're really angry, huh? Was the book that interesting?"

A scandalous expression was painted all over his face. "It's not about the book. It's the fact that I was just going to finish it! Two pages!"

Max raised his hands in mock surrender. "Well you can carry-" He had served in the military and Ash had the habit of tracking every sound, therefore, even when Michael was tiptoeing his way out, they could hear it. He smirked and moved away from the door. 

(He really didn't need that much prep; Michael was just a child.)

The brunette opened the door and checked his path. Still, he waited there for a second in case anything popped out, then walked as if nothing had happened. If he hadn't looked around a moment before entering their room, he wouldn't have spotted Ash approaching him.

The screaming commenced yet again as he darted to the living room. Max had left them to their little play, too entertained to intrude, and walked out. It was a silly thing - a game - for the man but for Ash it was a war.

He had the advantage of longer strides and caught up with Michael and quite literally lept on him. He enveloped the younger in his arms, so that Michael’s back was attached to his chest, as they both crashed on the ground. Max took that opportunity to prepare his marker for his vengeance. (It, probably, had a lot to do with the death glare Ash had thrown his way.) 

Max drew three stars on Michael's cheek but not without getting kicked on his face twice which was a consequence of Ash's aggressive tickling. The brunette's contagious laughter made him giggle along. Max nursed his jaw and added his chuckle to their harmony. In mere minutes, the younger was begging for air and only then Ash let him go. Without his back support, Michael fell on the floor, the silhouette of laughter hanging from his lips. 

Ash monitored the younger one and let out a satisfied laugh, ruffling the latter's hair. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Good." He resumed his tickling much to the brunette's dismay.

" Aha - Ash! Sto - stop !" He tried crawling away but his limbs were limp. Ash stopped when he received the complementary kick on his abdomen. Michael gained his breath for a second, then held his sides and ran for their room.

Ash followed the younger's path while Max switched off the lights. He picked up his book from under the bedside table and carried on from where he'd left it. 

"Ash, it's 1:30. You're not reading right now." Max gave his ultimatum and proceeded with switching off his lamp. Ash groaned and stormed out of the room with the book still in his hands. Max followed right behind him and so did Michael who saw it as a chance to get back at him. 

But instead of going to the living room, he went to the kitchen and ensconced himself in front of the fridge. He laid down on his stomach, the book and the ground and opened the door letting the refrigerator light illuminate the text.

As soon as Max saw that, he slapped his forehead. "Oh my God, Ash! Okay, fine! You win! At least turn on the light!"

Michael was utterly perplexed at his father's unfair settlement. He fretted about how there were two people to gang up on him while Ash got away with nothing. Max reasoned that Ash hadn't managed to frustrate two people simultaneously. The brunette huffed and rebelled against the verdict by - you guessed it - jumping on Ash's back. (He direly hoped that he wouldn't have to walk with crutches anytime sooner.)

But Ash had the patience and focus of a monk; he was not going to move till he finished the book. Michael challenged him further by pinching him but there only half a page left.

Last note from your narrator

I am haunted by humans

He snapped his book shut and Michael took that as a que to scuffle back to their room. Of course, Ash followed him.

They didn't sleep for the next half an hour, too busy fighting with pillows until they finally conceded to Max's pleas. 

When he slept, there was a huge smile on his face. Jessica had promised that that was forever. Hopefully, he'd be able to do his part by being a - in a more general sense - good child. 

There was an infinite sea of hands surrounding him. They were so perfectly merged that he didn't know where the other started or ended. But they all had a common intention. They wanted him.

His breath was hitching as he crawled away from them only to crash into the headboard. He was sobbing and screaming for help but no one heard a thing.

He chanced a look up and they were faceless faces of people - all wearing suits - huddling close to him; to be the first one to have him. One of them reached his leg and he quickly drew it back. He curled into a ball but stayed attentive of anyone trying to come closer to him. 

He observed himself and apparently he was a… child? Oh no! Not again! Please, not again! He felt completely powerless, like a fragile thing. 

Ahead of him was a man. He knew that one. He was the dealer; the one who sold him to whoever could afford it. There was a leash around his neck and the man - Dino - was in control of it. Of all people, Dino was the cruelest.

All of a sudden he felt paralyzed. No, it was all of those people holding him down. Someone even called his name, slapping his cheek slightly.

He struggled against their hold but all his tries were in vain. They were never going to let him go. That was it; he was going to die like that. Clothless and quivering in fear.

Would they at least let him talk to Griffin one last time before he died and his organs were sold?

He heard another voice… and he knew the owner. Something was warm and tender about them. They were calling his name. What was their name?

He somehow forgot that he was surrounded by people when he concentrated on reviving their name from his name.

Something with J. 

Jess - Jessica?

Jessica!

He woke up with a jolt. There was someone trying to hold him. He thrashed around to get out of their hold. "Go away," he bellowed. His vision was still hazy and the boundary between the nightmare and reality was extremely blurred. He didn't know what or who to trust. He kicked and punched till he was sure that he was left alone.

He heard something faint along the lines of "Michael, go out for a minute."

Michael? Michael, his younger -

He looked around the room. It was covered in a blanket of dark but it was cozy. Comforting. And definitely not a part of a mansion. The bed sheet was soft, yes, but not satin or silk. There was moonlight swimming in from a window which was not a full glass panel. There was a photo on his bedside table which was taken a while ago when they'd gone to the beach. 

He only knew one thing about that place.

He was safe there.

Jessica was sitting by his feet, slowly stroking it in a rhythmic pattern. He tuned his breath - as his therapist had suggested - to her stroking but it proved to be a difficult job.

Helpless, he called her out. "Jess - Jessica?" He choked on a sob.

She was quick to kneel beside him on the bed and gather him in her arms. She slowly swayed him side to side, chanting "I'm here, don't worry." She combed his hair with fingers, scratching his scalp a bit. He listened to her heart; it was faster than usual but he knew she was in control of it. He didn't know what he would do with himself if they ever started fearing him.

Ash shuddered against her hold. He sobbed into her nightshirt, holding her for his dear life. His heart was racing in sheer fright. Everytime he closed his eyes, the scene replayed itself. It was ingrained in his memory and it was never going to leave him; it would forever haunt him. He couldn't fight his monstrous mind.

Maybe he was powerless; he couldn't control his thoughts, his actions or his nightmares.

"Jess, why isn't it working out, your therapy?"

"It takes time, Ash."

"But I don't have time!" He practically screamed.

"No, love. We have plenty of time."

"No! If I don't get better, you'll start hating me. And then you'll send me away. And they'll take me back again. And - and -"

She hushed him, rubbing his back. "Aslan, I would never do that to you. You are my child. I'm not sending you anywhere. You stay here with us for as long as you want." She whispered in a soothing voice. She kissed his head and continued, "And I or anyone who's a part of this house can't hate you. We all love you, Ash." If possible, he trembled harder in her hands.

She patiently waited, stroking some part of his body in a definite rhythm, till he calmed down.

"Wait, I'll bring you some water."

Those words filled him with dread. "No, don't! I'm not thirsty!"

"Ash, you were literally screaming-"

"Don't leave me, please." A few weeks ago, Jessica was the one to plead those words to him. But if he was being honest, he had recited those words in his head like a mantra ever since he learned he could trust them. 

"I'm not leaving you, sweetheart." She pushed the hair back from where they had fallen on his face. "Do you want to come to my room? Michael will join as well."

If he wasn't so vulnerable, he would've thought about how embarrassing of a deal that was. 

Jessica offered her hand and his quavering hands grabbed it. She opened the door and Michael jogged to see them.

"Are you okay, Ash?"

But Ash didn't hear his voice. He only saw.

Michael was a child.

He was nine.

He had big blue innocent eyes. A lovely shade of brown painted his hair. When Ash would answer his curious questions, his head would tilt to the side, his naivety splashing out. 

Ash's legs lost all balance and he fell on his knees. The hand on his mouth minimized the sound of his sobs. He wanted to pull his hair out and scream in frustration. No, he won't let them do anything-

"Listen to me Michael, I won't let anything happen to you. Nobody can touch or even come near you because I'm going to be standing between you and them. I'll keep you away from all those monsters. No one can harm you-"

"I know, Ash." He smiled that cheeky smile. "Did you forget? You are my hero!"

He had heard that chant many times but it was the first time it made him cry. His arms encircled the brunette and quite literally crushed him in a hug. Michael patted his back while Jessica rubbed his shoulders.

Michael kept asking if he was alright and Jessica replied with Not now, but he will be. If we hug him tight enough, he will be. She protectively wrapped her arms around both of them and kissed their heads.

"Sorry about that," Ash apologized, wiping his tears.

"It's okay, darling." Jessica pulled them up and guided them to her room.

"Because dad isn't home?" Michael searched for a reason for them sharing his mother's bed.

"Yes." 

She sat cross legged, resting her back against the padded headboard. Michael crawled to her lap and rested his head there. Ash bashfully copied his actions. It was absurd; did people even do that? But Michael looked so snug there…

Jessica observed his calculations and reasons and patted her lap encouragingly.

"Aren't you going to sleep?" Ash whispered his question.

"I'll join after you both are asleep."

"You don't have to!" He sprang up.

Jessica smoothly guided him back. "It's okay, Ash. It's not a burden."

Michael was lingering around the boundary between consciousness and deep slumber. Jessica weaved her finger through their hair at a slow and steady frequency. That magic would've worked on him as well if his mind wasn't so clouded. Somehow, he was saved from Dino's purgatory yet it kept tormenting him.

Jessica saw his moving eyes and hushed him. "It's okay, Ash, you're safe here. You can sleep now." He had no idea how long it took for him to sleep after hearing that affirmation but he knew that his heart rate had slowed down.

Because he knew it down to his bones that no one could steal him from there.

Ash grumbled and covered his ears with his pillow to drown out the sound of Michael's whines.

"But Ash , come on !" His voice only ever grew louder.

Jessica's company had sent her an assortment of sweets to celebrate the success of summer edition magazine. She had, obviously, monitored the amount of sweets Michael had had and, quite rationally, decided to put a stop on it for that day. Michael felt rebellious and decided that he absolutely had to eat them now. Except, he wouldn't embark on that quest alone, much to Ash's sincere frustration.

"We'll split the share…?" The brunette tried yet again.

"I don't want it!" Ash turned on his phone from the bedside table to see the time. "And it's 2:30, go back to bed." He groaned.

"But Ash , you know very well that I won't be able to sleep before I have some of those chocolates!" He gloated about the tragedies and injustice of the world.

Ash didn't deem the whine worthy of any consolation. He curled in on himself and pressed the pillow firmly against his ear.

"Please, Ash?" Michael poked his side. He shook his head and readjusted his body to be farther from the brunette's finger.

He knew the procedure by then; Michael would jump on his back and scream in his ear. That is what that suspicious silence meant. But instead of the younger's scuffling of feet, he heard a sniffle. His eyes flew wide open as he turned his head to observe the damage. Michael had closed his hands in tight fists and was rubbing his eyes.

Ash sprang out of the bed and rushed to Michael's aid. He kneeled to his level and before he could think of some consolation, the brunette voiced out his complaints.

"You never help me!" Lies. He always helped him, mostly because he didn't really have a choice in that matter.

But when Michael was tearing up in front of him like that, he only had so many options but to solemnly nod his head in acceptance. "I'm sorry," Ash pleaded, "please stop crying."

"No!" If possible, he started weeping louder. At this rate, he was going to wake up the neighbors.

"Okay, fine !" He complied. It wasn't a fair fight; Ash never stood a chance. He rubbed his palms on his eyes. "Fine, we'll do as you say."

He ignored the half mischievous half victorious gleam in the brunette's eyes. "Really?" Michael made his voice sound so innocent like he hadn't just blackmailed him into helping the brunette.

He bit the inside of cheek and nodded. "Yes." He got up and walked to the door to inspect their route. He opened the door just enough so that he could see outside. When he was satisfied that their coast was clear, he opened the door wider to walk out.

"Ash, I can't see anything," Michael fussed.

Ash shushed him and whispered, "Don't talk so loudly!"

Michael's eyes widened and he nodded understandingly. "Okay, sorry." He grabbed two corners of Ash's night shirt and followed his steps. 

Their dynamic was hilarious; Ash was overly cautious and Michael's clumsiness was a force of its own. If the hallway was any longer, he would've had to carry the brunette on his back to minimize the sound.

He turned on the light in the kitchen and winced when the switch made it's signature sound. Michael was about to scream his ecstasy Ash covered his mouth with his hand. "No, Michael! You don't understand; you make any noise, you die." He punctuated his sentence with appropriate gestures.

Michael furrowed his brows in concern. "Who made that rule?"

A hell lot of people did. "Go find your chocolates." He nudged the brunette's back in the general direction of the cabinets.

After Michael - quite noisily, if he must add - searched through the cabinets, Ash resigned himself to his fate of being caught red handed. He worked his brain for a second to recollect that Jessica had put away the chocolates in the fridge. He turned off the kitchen light before opening the fridge if only to minimize their chances of getting caught.

Ash held the door open, not allowing Michael to do anything but stuff his mouth with those sweets. His senses were perked enough to hear even the briefest of movements. 

It was a Monday night. The air around them was chilled because of the refrigerator and it's light was the only source of illumination. There in that comically magical atmosphere, Michael looked up at him with chocolate filled cheeks, his face bright with a smile as he proclaimed: "You're my best brother, Ash!"

But Michael had said that a million times before. What changed was that he felt a weight released from his chest as he smiled down at the brunette and ruffled his hair with his free hand. "And you're my best little brother." 

The shine in his younger brother's eyes rivaled the stars. He was so overjoyed after hearing that statement that he jumped on Ash - which was fine, really - but did he have to drop that chocolate tin so loudly? 

They both paled as they heard Max's approaching steps. Michael jumped down before his father opened the door.

"What's happening?" He called out from the door in his gruff voice.

"Nothing, just drinking water." They were going to die.

"Really?"

"Yes." Anytime now. Goodbye world.

"Fine." He closed the door, satisfied with the lies that Ash had fed him. 

Ash didn't move for almost a minute. He was shocked beyond words. Was that all it took?

He only started moving when Michael bent down to gather up the chocolates. "No! You stay away from this!" He whispered in a tone that should've made his younger brother understand that they could've died .

"Sorry." Michael muttered in a tiny voice.

He sighed. He searched for his phone in his pants and switched on the flashlight. "Hold this."

He monitored the mess under the dim light since it was a far safer approach to avoid being caught. He'd been to enough mansions to know how to cover up a scene and he was hoping those skills would work in his favor when he needed them.

"It's just dad, why are you being so extra?"

"I can assure you, I'm not. Now, don't move at all and try not to make any noise."

Fortunately for them, there was no melted chocolate on the floor. Michael stayed silent till he assembled the desserts back in the tin and into the fridge. His ears were perked all the while.

When he was done, he turned off the flashlight and tiptoed his way back, picking up his little brother on his back since he didn't trust his clumsiness to be on their side.

"If we get caught," he started in the safety of their room, "I'm not going to take the blame."

Michael smiled that condescending smug smile as he moved to his bed. "Sure, Ash."

He rolled his eyes and crashed into the bed. He laid on his stomach procrastinating about possible stories and scenarios that he'd have to form in response to possible questions. After two seconds, his younger brother jumped on his back - his back was almost Michael's property - and snuggled himself comfortably there. Ash just grumbled and gave up trying to save his back.

Convincing Jessica and Max to leave the house at the same time proved to be a more difficult job than Ash had estimated. They just won't leave him alone. There was the obvious insecurity lingering in the air that he might do something harmful in their absence and while he appreciated their concerns, he would very much love if he had some space. Through negotiations and incessant promises, he managed to persuade them to attend a coworker's anniversary party. The one condition was that Michael would stay behind with him - which wasn't much of a hassle for him. He had an evening to himself and he just wanted to breathe in the changes in his life.

Jessica - much to his embarrassment (God, how many times were they going to embarrass him?) - asked Eiji, under the pretext of looking after Michael, to check up on them. (To make up a better excuse, she added that Ash didn't know how to cook.) And his neighbour being the sweet person he was, complied to her request saying that he'd check on Michael as soon as his work was done. He would be lying if he said he didn't want to scream at that moment.

After all that charade was done, he went to his bedside table to retrieve his books only to find it empty. There was only one person who didn't want him to read.

"Hey Ash, so you wanna play?" His younger brother held up his gaming console, his face lit with an inviting grin.

Ash narrowed his eyes at him. He pointed his thumb at the empty closet and inquired, "Where are my books?"

Michael immediately turned around and walked out of the room. "How would I know?"

He huffed out a breath and embarked on the adventure of ransacking the entire house in search of his books. Working out different logics and statistics and God knows what, he managed to find five out of the seven books he owned.

"Where are the other two?" He grumbled.

His little brother didn't even move his eyes away from the screen. "I really don't know what you're talking about."

He bit the inside of his cheek. Michael wasn't going to budge. All he had asked for was a peaceful evening to read! Fine, he'll have to coax the whereabouts of his books out of his younger brother. Okay. Two can play a game.

"I don't know how to play." He picked up the gaming console and balanced it on two fingers.

Michael's face lit up like the fireworks in the beginning of a Disney movie. "I'll teach you."

The thing was that Mario Kart was rather easy to learn. So, it didn't take him long to understand that he was going to have to cheat right back if he wanted to win against his younger brother's unjust strategies.

They played the game for a good forty five minutes till Ash won the game third time in a row and Michael lost his cool.

"You're cheating! I don't wanna play this!" His little brother threw the console and puffed up his cheeks, crossing his arms against his chest. He refrained from mentioning that Michael had won against him six times in a row with the same unfair practices. He had also performed a hideous victory dance just to tease Ash.

Before he could retort some sarcastic reply, the bell rang. "Go, open the door."

"Why should I do that?"

"Because you lost."

He grumbled all the - rather short - way to the door, much to Ash's amusement. On the other side of the door was Eiji, standing there with a pleasant smile on his face.

Eiji told them that he had completed his work and that they could tell him if that needed anything, he was free to help them. Ash stood beside Michael during their conversation to which the latter had looked up and smirked. (He had pinched his younger brother's shoulder in retaliation.)

After a minute or two, Mizuki joined her brother, Buddy - their dog - trailing behind her. She shut the door on her way out which made Eiji stop mid sentence in their conversation. 

"One second-'' He ran up to his door, twisting the door knob in hopes that it was still unlocked. Unfortunately for him, that wasn't the case. He stared down at his sister who smiled back sheepishly. Eiji sighed and took Buddy in his hands. "Do you want to go to that park?"

"You can stay with us till your mom comes back. Only if you're okay with it, of course."

"We do not want to be a burden."

"It's not a burden; come on in." Ash opened the door wide in invitation. A dog in one hand and his little sister's in the other, Eiji walked in apologizing for his existence.

Since they didn't have enough consoles, Michael ditched Mario Kart and flourished a stack of cards that he called 'UNO'. When he confessed that he had no knowledge whatsoever of that game, Mizuki and Michael started stating their rules, their voices overlapping the other's creating a complete chaos. It didn't help that Mizuki would often switch to Japanese when she didn't know the English translation of a certain word. In the end, Eiji was the one to explain the rules and the ways of the game.

Michael distributed the cards among them. Ash arranged them in preferential order. Eiji looked up from his cards and asked him, "Since this is your first time, do you want to change your seat, Ash?"

He narrowed his eyes in challenge. "No, thank you."

The game was interestingly long. Eiji constantly attacked him with a Skip and Ash was left to think if that was even allowed. At some point of time, he was so frustrated that he was sure that he threw his intimidating glare Eiji's way which the latter took in good humour and laughed it off. Michael tried pulling a Reverse but Mizuki cancelled his with hers.

"Eiji, please , don't throw another Skip. I might actually scream." Ash pleaded.

"Okay," Eiji slapped a Draw 2 one the coffee table.

"Seriously?" He asked dryly. "I hope you know I'm swearing at you."

Eiji laughed. "I know, I can see." 

Ash sighed. "Sorry, Mizuki." He placed his own Draw 2 one Eiji's.

She sympathetically patted his arm. "It is okay, Ash." She added another Draw 2 to the deck.

"Wait, six cards? What if I make it... eight!" Michael slammed his card on the table.

Eiji had exactly one card in his hand. It was like a Wild West movie. Eiji was the villain and the three of them were cowboys. There was tumbleweed rolling around. It was eerily silent.

"So, you are all going against me?" He pouted. "How sad!" He placed a Draw 4 on top of the cards.

Michael and Mizuki gasped like it was some soap opera and Ash was so close to shoving that smug grinning devil called Eiji. "Ash, you have to pick up 12 cards!" Mizuki stated the obvious.

Ash slammed his cards on the table. "I don't want to play this game!"

"You are saying that because you lost." Mizuki teased.

"Wait a minute. Eiji, you didn't say Uno before putting your second last card." Michael voiced out the realization in profound voice.

Eiji somberly declined the accusation. "No, I did." Eiji wasn't the one who was lying.

Ash bent forward and picked up his cards again. He loved his little brother to death. "No, you didn't."

The crowning effect was when Mizuki nodded along with them and said, "No, onii chan , you forgot."

Eiji's eyes widened and he gasped, obviously bewildered at his sister's betrayal. Buddy trotted over to his lap and he stroked his fur saying how his dog didn't like traitors. He puffed his cheeks and started over with a new serving of cards. Yes, Ash had to pick up twelve cards but it was easier when he could openly mock Eiji's almost win. He felt a little bad but he had to admit that teasing Eiji was more fun.

They laughed and talked till Mrs Okumura came to collect her children, thanking them for keeping her kids for that long.

As soon as he closed the door, Michael grumbled that he was hungry. Ash told him to pick up an apple but his younger brother insisted that he must be served ; the fruit must be cut in regular slices or he was going to make a fuss and irritate him till Max and Jessica came back. It was his first evening to himself and not one minute did get to do what he wanted.

The first blow itself of the knife on the fruit managed to cut through Ash's pointer finger. He hissed in pain as Michael searched for the first aid kit. He washed off the blood and his little brother put a bandaid on it.

"Let me see if you're hurt anywhere else,"

Michael rolled down his sleeve to reveal the three ugly scars. 

He was frozen. His brain had lost its functionality. His body was limp and in any moment, he might fall on the ground like the jumbled up pieces of a puzzle. 

It was the one thing that Michael wasn't supposed to see; the monster inside him. That was the resident of his mind that refused to leave. Michael was not supposed to know about where he came from or what he used to do there. Or what it had made him. He was supposed to be that perfect image of a good elder brother. Not that fucked up thing. 

The three scars told Michael everything that he was trying to hide.

"How did you hurt yourself that bad?" Michael asked, not touching that wound.

Ash yanked his arm away from the brunette. "Stay away from that!" He somehow managed to run to their room.

It was going so well. Why did he have to fuck it up? Time and again, his life just kept proving it to him that he didn't deserve happiness or smiles or laughter. Or a family.

He was meant to be alone. Wandering around from mansions to luxurious hotel rooms. Sold then bought again. Something that should've been dead by eighteen.

"Ash! What are you doing?" Michael grumbled, carrying the first aid box with him.

His go! was so faint that it was inaudible to Michael's ears. The brunette took his limp arm in his and examined it. He poked it twice and asked, "Does it hurt?"

"No." Ash looked down at it. "It has healed." He wished it would've been bad enough to consume him whole.

Michael opened the first aid box and removed three bandaids, all superhero designs. One by one, he started covering his cuts with it. 

Ash furrowed his eyebrows. "What are you doing? I told you it has healed."

"Ash, I'm only helping you." He looked at Michael skeptically. "You're such an idiot! Don't you put bandaids over your wounds just to show off? Something like - how do I say it? - like you won the battle. Like you, um, survived. Bravery and all that."

Something set free in him. Something profound, like a revelation. He… did. He survived.

He survived from the hell of his childhood. He survived Dino. He didn't - as some three people he knew would say - become the monster that they wanted him to be. He survived that torture, abuse and tears. He lived through all of those shitty years to breath in that moment where Michael was putting a bandaid on his cuts.

Whenever he thought about where he came from - his childhood - it was all just so painful and terrible. But he - he survived it all.

He survived long enough to meet two great people who wouldn't leave him alone because they were afraid he might do something to himself; they wanted him to live. He survived long enough to meet a person who thought of Ash as his hero because he wasn't qualified enough to be a villain.

He survived !

Ash looked down at the cuts which were covered with small doodles of superheroes. A hand flew to his mouth to muffle the sob that followed. But his body wasn't shaking in fear; he was fine . In fact, he could feel something bubbling in his chest and it wasn't pain. 

He reached down and embraced Michael. "Thank you."

"Okay, but why are you crying?"

"You won't understand now." I hope you never have to understand. He sniffed and wiped his tears with his sleeve. Not wanting to continue with the topic, he diverted the flow of conversation. "What about the apple?"

Michael narrowed his eyes at him. "You planned it out, didn't you? You didn't want to cut it?"

Ash gasped mockingly. "How did you know?"

"You don't care about your little brother." Michael shook his head to himself.

"Oh, I totally forgot that my little brother didn't have teeth." 

Ash looked at the half sleeves shirt in his hand. He wouldn't be able to hide with it. But, it was just Max, Jessica and Michael. They knew everything about him. Besides, if he ever felt uncomfortable, he could switch back to a full sleeved shirt; no one was going to question his choices. He was safe there.

The only person he was hiding his wounds from had seen them and yes, there were a ton of secrets yet to be unveiled, but until then he could maybe breathe a little.

And then there was also that fact that the summer heat was killing him.

The short sleeves made him feel more conspicuous. A small shiver ran down his spine. Deep breaths. In and out -

"Ash, you have to see this." He grabbed a corner of his shirt and pulled him out of his room.

The bright lights of the living room shined on him. He felt like a display piece. He wanted to curl up in a ball and occupy a dark corner in the room. He hid his hands behind his back. It was just a simple shirt! Why was it bothering him so much?

"What are you doing there?" Michael called from the balcony.

In slow unsteady steps, he walked to the array of plants and kneeled beside them.

Michael pointed at his plant. "There are five buds. What are the odds that they might all bloom together?"

But Ash wasn't looking or listening to him. His eyes fell straight ahead to the plant that he had potted. A few tendrils were creeping out, like in a graceful dance pose, holding a bud on them. There was a bud which might bloom into a flower the very next day. A flower was stooping out from one of the branches. Ash rubbed it's petals between his thumb and index finger. It was soft to touch.

It was almost like that plant bloomed from the cracks of his cut skin.

Sometimes, he couldn't believe that he grew it.

But he did ! He made sure that he watered it at its stipulated time. He threw off any insect that would settle on it. He even made sure that the other plants flourished as well as his. Him and Max would often do it together.

There were many attributes to him. Yes, he was destructive but he also knew how to nurture another life form with his hands. 

Jessica and Max came back precisely at dinner time. Ash would never understand the logic behind going to a party and not eating there. 

Jessica opened her purse and pulled out two books from it. "Who put them in there?" She asked, looking into Michael's eyes who dodged her stare and looked out of the window. She shook her head and placed them beside Ash.

"Michael?"

"Yes, Ash?" His little brother avoided his gaze.

"It'll be the best for you if you sleep with one eye open tonight."

Michael's eyes widened. He tugged Max's shirt who had just changed into a comfortable set of apparel. "Dad, can I sleep in your room today?"

Max laughed and ruffled his hair. "Sure, bud. But I don't think that'll be very helpful."

His younger brother turned to him with desperate pleading eyes. "I'm sorry, Ash." As if he was going to do anything to Michael. 

Ash pulled his cheeks and used them as a steering to move him side to side. "We both know that you'll do it again."

Michael felt his way up to Ash's cheeks and gave them the same treatment. "You know me so well, Ashy boo."

Jessica had already prepared the dinner before they left for the party. Max reheated it while she scanned through her phone. 

Over dinner, Max asked them how they had utilized their time alone. Michael recited the complete affair; Mario Kart, Uno "Oh, and Ash cut his hand." He stated casually.

Max and Jessica looked at Ash with wide eyes. It took him a minute to understand what they were thinking after which he defensively shook his hands. "No! I accidentally cut my hand. Actually, finger." He showed them his bandaged hand as evidence. "See? All fine!"

Only when they saw the four band aids covering different areas of his hand they sighed in relief. The irony of the situation was comical.

"Yeah, he accidentally cut his finger and cried a lot." Michael jibed at him.

Ash stabbed the shrimp in his younger brother's dish. "You think you're so funny, huh?" He tried to hide the red blush of embarrassment with his glare.

"That was my shrimp! Mom!"

But Mom was staring at them with a weird smile playing on her lips. "You two, don't ever grow up." Michael stole a shrimp from his Dad's plate to which the latter gave no response.

"How can you possibly stop the process of aging?" Ash asked with a mouthful of shrimp.

Jessica pulled his cheek. "Don't worry, you don't have to try."

"Ow," Ash pulled away and nursed his cheek, "you need to stop doing that!"

After dinner, Max and Jessica gathered them both on the couch. "So, we were thinking that - since both our projects are done - would you two like to go out somewhere? Say, Disneyland?" Max asked and Michael was almost ready to scream, right into Ash's ear if he must add.

"Oh my god, really?" Michael asked with wide hopeful eyes.

"Of course, honey. Why not?" Jessica chuckled along and ruffled his hair.

All three of them turned to look at him. Max and Jessica tried to dim the hopeful gleam in their eyes but Michael was a different story altogether. Besides, he didn't expect a little kid to control his urges.

He had only heard of a place called Disneyland. Maybe, if he strained his memory hard enough he would be able to recollect that Griffin was the one who had shown him pictures of that place with a promise that someday he'd love to take Ash there. The rest of his life was spent behind closed doors, quite literally. Perhaps Disneyland didn't have hotel rooms since he had never been there. 

Michael seemed beyond excited at the notion of visiting that place. Maybe, he would have a good time with them. Or, he could have a panic attack and spoil their trip. Who knew? Ash only chased the opportunity only because he knew that there was a chance that he might just be able to laugh with them there.

He glanced at his plant and smiled. He survived! "I've never been there, but I'd love to." In the next few moments, he was deafened by Michael's scream right into his ear. His cheek was ripped off by Jessica's aggressive pulling. And his hair were completely messed up because of Max ruffling his hair. Yes, of course, he was scowling at their behavior, but he wouldn't deny the obvious by saying that he wasn't feeling light.

Maybe the incessant chant of You're getting better, Ash had started capturing his mind. Maybe he didn't deserve happiness but the Glenreeds did and if seeing him smile gave them that bliss then there was only so much that he wasn't going to do.

He didn't know how to give back but there he was overfilled with love that he couldn't help but return it.

And he still wasn't his best. There was a long way to go. Buy every day - when he was surrounded by them - he knew he was getting better.

And that was all that mattered.