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The silence between the two of you was thick as you watched Jimin from the corner of your eye. While he was humming quietly along with the music, you were sitting with a fit of dread and nerves weighing heavy on your stomach. You feel like you could vomit any moment and prayed it didn’t happen. You would rather not spill your guts in Jimin’s car, especially after he had been kind enough to plan all of this for the both of you.
You knew why you were so nervous. You just couldn’t admit your reasons to yourself, because if you did you feared your stance as a bad person would be solidified. Mingling around with guilt and dread felt better than actually facing the truth of what was happening. Jimin had given up his vacation time, planned a getaway for you, paid the expenses despite your protests, and even picked up with a pretty arrangement of flowers waiting for you. Yet, he was not your boyfriend. In fact, your boyfriend was still at home in Seoul, sitting pretty and under the impression you were on a girl’s trip, not sitting up with one of your best-kept secrets.
You had never meant for Jimin to become a secret, you had never even intended to befriend him, but fate had wiggled the idol into your life with force. Maybe life had intended you to break up with your boyfriend when it brought Jimin along, but obviously, that didn’t pan out well. Jimin and you had remained strict friends for a while, talking on and off, hanging out now and again when he had time. He knew you had a boyfriend and you knew he didn’t have time for a relationship, so it should have been so easy. Yet, one night through the pain of fighting with your boyfriend and a haze of alcohol, you had crossed the line with Jimin.
Since that night you harbored strong, overpowering guilt for what happened, yet you found yourself unable to step away from Jimin. Jimin knew he was the other man, but he never seemed to mind. Never said anything, never threw a fit, and sure he got jealous from time to time, he seemed okay with it. After that night you and Jimin never took things to a sexual level again, in fact, you hardly even kissed one another. Most nights you would simply curl up in each other’s arms, talking through sleepiness and stress. Jimin seemed relaxed when he was with you, at peace. While you felt the warmth of his love and attention rather than the bored stares of your boyfriend.
It wasn’t that your boyfriend was bad. He wasn’t, he was good- he was okay. You told yourself you loved him, forgave him for every argument and snide comment he made towards you. Jimin didn’t feel the same about him. He found the man rude and uncaring towards you, though he was mean and didn’t deserve you. He knew first hand of it. Some nights you would come to him in tears, crying your heart out over how he treated you, or over the argument’s where he just yelled and yelled at you. How you felt so unloved and gross because of him and what he would say. It broke Jimin’s heart when your nights were spent like that. He would wrap you in his arms delicately with soothing whispers of how pretty you were and how much he loved you, that your boyfriend didn’t matter.
One night, after an especially emotional moment you had laid there with him, looking outside at the night sky and watching the blur of lights glow in the dark. Jimin, at your side as always, comforting you with soft nuzzles and caresses, brought up the idea of going somewhere together to get away. He was going to be on a short break before returning to prepare for their newest tour. He would be gone for a long time and he wanted to spend the weekend with you.
That’s why you found yourself here with him, stomach full of butterflies and nerves as you retreat into a more rural area, staying in a lake house with all the privacy you could want, as well as all the peace and fun the both of you needed.
“Y/n, are you alright? You haven’t said much since I picked you up.”
You fiddled with the flowers laying in your lap, the crinkle of paper replying to him as you tried to muster up your words. “I’m just nervous Jimin.” You whispered, “what if he finds out I’m not with my friends?”
Jimin’s lips pursed as you mentioned your concern. “He won’t Y/n, and if he does, I’ll make sure he leaves you alone.”
“But-”
“Try to forget about him, this is our weekend, right?” You nodded, resorting to looking down at the bundle of daisies in your lap. “Do you like them? They’re cute, just like you.”
“Thank you” you breathed, “I feel bad. I didn’t get you anything.”
Jimin smiled, “you don’t have to get me anything, I’m just happy you’re here.”
The rest of your drive you felt a little better, but the guilt of running away with Jimin still sat in the back of your mind.
When you arrived at the house you were met with a quiet, homey-looking place. Nature buzzing all around you, the sun reflecting off the lake and you even spotted a family of ducks waddling along the shoreline. You go out with your flowers and purse in hand, while Jimin goes to the trunk to pull both your bags out. “Here, you go in and look around while I get our bags” Jimin handed the key off to you before going back to what he was doing. You grabbed his phone from the front seat for him before wandering up to the front door, unlocking it, and stepping in. you slipped your shoes off and left your things on the entree way table, keeping your flowers in hand as you walked right into the living room, finding it open and connected to the kitchen. Simple furniture and decoration took up your view, large windows with their curtains drawn open, pretty art and decor- it looked modern but woodsy. It looked expensive.
“How much was it?” You wondered aloud as you heard Jimin setting some of the groceries you had brought on the counter.
“Don’t worry about that Y/n.”
“I could’ve helped pay as well Jimin.” You frowned, guilt clear on your face. “It isn’t fair since I’m staying too.”
“I wanted to pay, it’s no problem.” He assured you with a sweet smile. “Besides, he would’ve questioned where all that money went, right?”
“Oh…” Your shoulders dropped. “Yeah, you’re right.”
Jimin came up to you, clasping one of your hands in his. “I like taking care of you, so please don’t worry about it and have a good time with me, please?”
You put away the food while Jimin finished bringing your things in, setting them away in the bedroom and joining you as you finished up. It was a bit stuffy in the cabin, so you worked to open some of the windows, enjoying the soft breeze coming in. You found a vase to put your daisies in, not wanting the little flowers to die on you while here. Jimin spent his time unpacking just a little, pulling the essentials out and searching for his camera. Eagerly he came out to find you on the back porch, looking around the stretch of grass that led to the lakeside. You were leaning over the railing squinting through the sunlight as Jimin snuck up to capture a photo. You looked over, a bit caught off guard.
“I want to capture all our memories while here,” he explained with a smile. “Should we make dinner? It’s getting late now.”
“Yeah, that’s fine. It’ll be dark soon, so we can set up the bonfire too.”
You and Jimin opted to just make some Ramyeon since you were both feeling tired from the long drive here. Tomorrow you would make something especially good. You worked on cooking it, while Jimin worked on lighting the fire as the sun began to set. Once the food was done and you moved outside, sitting beside Jimin and watching the fire crackle as you ate and talked.
“You’ll be gone for a long time.” You mentioned, now leaning into his shoulder as you both finished eating and took to relaxing in the cool night air.
“Unfortunately” he frowned. “I’m happy to go back on tour, but it’s kind of sad I won’t see you for so long.”
“We’ll keep in touch the best we can” you assured him. You were nervous for Jimin to leave. Lately, it felt like he was your rock. Your boyfriend had been especially nasty the last few months and Jimin was always there to pick you up. You were worried about what could happen while he was gone.
“Maybe one day I can fly you out to see our show.” He thought aloud, “maybe even stay a night or two.”
“I’d like that” you smiled, ignoring the voice in the back of your head telling you it was impossible, that your boyfriend would never let you go. You felt Jimin move around, taking your waist in his arms as he pulled you closer into his chest to cuddle that way. You relaxed easily in his embrace, sighing in content. Your feelings of uncertainty had lessened since actually arriving here, spending the one-on-one time with Jimin without distraction helped.
But your peace couldn’t last forever as your phone rang and you jumped up to answer it. Jimin tried to keep a tight grip on your waist, not wanting to lose his cuddle buddy as you broke away and answered. “Hey, yeah we got here a few hours ago.” Jimin turned his nose bitterly, you were talking to him. “Yeah, it’s just us girls, no guys in sight” you tried to laugh, but the anxiousness in your voice left it feeling awkward. “We’re just eating now...mhm. I’ll call you tomorrow morning.” Jimin sat up, hanging on for the moment you would hang up so he could get back to you with his affection, but he felt himself fall as you said, “I love you too.”
The phone call ended and Jimin was left staring at you with tight lips. You set your phone down and look at him, gnawing on your cheek nervously. “Do you mean it when you tell him you love him?” He asks quietly.
“He loves me…”
“That's not what I asked.” Jimin huffed, “he doesn’t love you.”
“He does-”
“Not the way I love you.” Jimin declared, “He wouldn’t belittle you if he loved you, he’d be kind and gentle, he’d treat you like the most important person in the world- like I do.”
“He means it when he says it.” You lie to yourself.
When it’s time to go to bed you help clean up while Jimin takes care of the fire. Your chest feels heavy as you do so because Jimin remains silent for the most part.
Jimin wanted to sleep with you, curled at your side, but you tell him to wait until tomorrow night. He looks like a hurt puppy as you tell him, but he respects your wish and heads for the bedroom upstairs. You lay in bed that night, unable to sleep with the thoughts running through your head.
You woke up the next morning determined to put the discomfort of last night behind you, not wanting to spoil the next two days you had with Jimin. You hopped out of bed, took a quick shower, and threw something light and casual on. The living room and kitchen were empty as you stepped out of your room, smiling at the rays of morning sunshine casting in through the windows. With the house deathly silent, you assumed Jimin was still in bed, which you didn’t mind. It gave you time to think about what you would do together today. Jimin had already blocked off some of your time to go exploring around the area, walk along the water and take in the quiet scenery. You were excited about that as well, but you had a whole day ahead of you. Tomorrow you would stay the day as well, leaving later in the evening to get home during the night. Today was your only full day and you wanted every moment spent with Jimin to count.
So you made up some breakfast for the two of you, planning to pull Jimin out of bed when you were finished. You set the table up and pulled the vase of daisies over for decoration. Smiling to yourself you headed upstairs, knocking on Jimin’s door a few times before peeking in. “Jimin?” You called from the doorway, stepping into the dark room and moving to peel the curtains open. “Jimin, you should get up, I made us breakfast.” You called sweetly, gently tapping him a few times. Jimin merely hummed and rolled over as he struggled to open his eyes fully.
“Y/n?” He asked, voice heavy with sleep.
“Yup, it’s me” you laughed, “come on, you don’t want to waste the day sleeping, do you?” Jimin’s breath caught in his throat as he felt you pat his head and pushing his hair away from his face. His gaze though still tired, fell on you and his heart skipped a beat as his brain reminded him of the trip he was on with you. Waking up to your sweet voice and comforting touch sent butterflies down his spine and he couldn’t help but smile.
Jimin got up and took a few minutes to get ready. He awed dramatically at the breakfast you had made, thanking you as he dug in. you ate as well, your mood souring when you remembered you hadn’t called your boyfriend as he told you. Your leg bounced with anxiety as you thought about running to get your phone, but the sound of Jimin’s little giggles and small talk kept you in place.
By the time you and Jimin were ready to clean up and start the day, you had forgotten all about your phone and your boyfriend.
At first, you and Jimin lazied around a bit. Playing a few games and talking until Jimin finally grew impatient and pulled you to go for a walk. He held your hand as you followed one of the trails, watching the trees tremble as a warm breeze blew in. It was past noon, still sunny out and as quiet as usual; the only noise being the soft rustle of nature and twigs crunching under your shoes. It was pretty out, peaceful compared to the city. You wished you could have this kind of escape more often.
Jimin leads the way through the forest trail, eventually leading you out and towards the lakeside. The sand is soft under your shoes as you look for things in the sand together. As promised Jimin had brought his camera, wasting no time snapping all the photo opportunities he saw. You walked the shoreline hand in hand, watching the water lull back and forth as the sun’s reflection twinkled through it. Birds chipped and sang and ducks swam along without a care. For the first time since arriving you felt like you truly didn’t have a care in the world. It was just you and Jimin here, enjoying the beautiful world hand and hand.
You weren’t sure how long you were out there, it must’ve been hours as you watched the sun begin to set and a trail of pretty pastels painted the sky. The two of you were sitting on one of the docks, your arm wrapped around Jimin’s as you leaned against one another.
“Y/n,” Jimin asked, voice quiet as he tore his eyes away from the sunset. You hummed in response, picking your head up to look at him. “You know that I love you right?”
“Of course.” You smiled, “I love you.” Jimin gave a nod, his eyebrows knit together as he seemed to be thinking deeply. “Is something wrong?”
“I wanna kiss you” he stated, thought a bit apprehensively. You hadn’t shared a kiss in so long, not since that night you crossed the line for the first time. Jimin had learned to be okay with it but being here with you, alone without the constant buzz of idol life and the fear your boyfriend installed in you, Jimin felt the need to kiss you. He loved you unashamed, and he wanted you to love him the same way.
He expected you to turn away with rejection, too scared to cross the line even just a little, but you surprised him. You leaned in to press your lips to his, leaving him with a sweet, quick kiss. Jimin was quiet, his eyes searching yours for felt like a lifetime before his hand cupped the side of your face. You leaned into his warm touch and he guided you back to his lips for a kiss brimmed with love and passion, adoration almost radiating from him. When you parted again you let him wrap his arms around you, your cheek pressing into his chest as he held you. With butterflies in both of your stomachs, you headed back as the night grew closer, hand in hand in comfortable silence.
That night Jimin stayed with you. Tucked warmly under the covers with his arm holding you tight as if he was afraid you would leave. You talked a little, less than usual but you didn’t mind. You were comfortable being with him. At some point, you shared more kisses, soft ones that eventually turned to needy, passion-filled ones. Hands wandered apprehensively on the other, ready to jump away if one of you objected and Jimin expected you to; but you didn’t. You flushed under his light touches and gentle gaze. His hands caressed you with care and for the first time in what felt like months, you felt loved. You couldn’t recall the last time your boyfriend had treated you with such care and love. Jimin was paying attention to you, kissing you like he meant it. It wasn’t selfish and cold, it wasn’t empty. You didn’t feel used, you felt good. Beautiful and cared for, loved as Jimin’s body pressed flush with yours. And when it was over he didn’t leave you, he pressed gentle kisses to your body and held you through the night.
The next morning felt like a dream when you woke in his hold. His face nuzzled into your neck and his arms warm and protective around your waist. You smiled, relaxing for a few more minutes before trying to wiggle free. Jimin hummed, pulling you closer. “Jimin” you muttered, “I wanna shower.”
Jimin huffed, pulling you down to place a quick kiss on your shoulder before letting you free. You disappeared, leaving Jimin to roll over and try to get comfortable again, only to be woken back up when the phone on the bedside table rang. Assuming it was one of the guys or maybe his manager calling to check in on him he blindly reached for the phone, answering with a lazy hello. The line was silent for a moment before a man’s voice asked where you were.
Jimin, still under the haze of sleep answered. “She’s in the shower.”
He didn’t catch on that it hadn’t been his phone he answered until the line hung up and he dropped it to lay back down. His mind nagged him, none of the members knew about you, let alone your name, so who had asked for you? In fact, whose voice had that even been?
Jimin realizes his mistakes when the text starts to roll in, your boyfriend sends message after message. Asking who the guy was and why he had your phone, asking where you were, telling you to come home, calling you names as he accused you of cheating on him, threatening you if you didn’t answer him. Jimin’s face grew hot as he skimmed them, but guilt immediately took over his emotions as he thought about what he would tell you.
“Y/n I’m sorry.”
You had just stepped into the room, dressed and in the process of finding your hairbrush. “About last night?” You asked, worry heavy in your voice. Did he regret it?
“No- no I loved last night” he blushed, “but...your boyfriend- he called and I answered.”
His blood ran cold at the look on your face. An expression of pure panic-struck you. “What do you mean you answered? Why would you-”
“It was an accident, I thought it was my phone.”
“Oh my god” you breathed, “he knows, he has to know.” Jimin scurried out of bed, coming to your aid as tears began to flush your face. “Jimin- Jimin how could you, he’s going to kill me.”
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Jimin repeated, panic in his voice as well.
“No, it’s not!” You shouted, “you don’t understand-”
“It will be okay! I’ll make sure, he won’t hurt you- he won’t come near you!”
“Jimin-”
“You’ll come home with me instead, you can stay with me. He won’t find you, I won’t let him.”
“N-no, I can’t. He’ll just be angrier- things will be worse. I have to go home, apologize- make it better” your mind worked frantically, unable to keep to a straight line of thought.
“You can’t Y/n! He doesn’t love you, I do! I’ll make sure he doesn’t-”
“Please, I can’t Jimin. I can’t hear this right now.”
“But-”
“Please, I need to leave.” Your voice cracked as you searched for your phone, the tears finally falling. Jimin paused, his heart constricted as he watched you fall apart before him. “I’m sorry...just...please.” Jimin didn’t answer, instead of pulling you into his embrace with glossy eyes. You sobbed into his shoulder, while he quietly shed his own tears. He didn’t want to leave, he wanted to stay here with you where he could have you to himself, where you were safe and happy.
But he knew he couldn’t.
When you finally settled down you both packed in silence. Almost robotically you collected your clothes and belongings alongside Jimin. The text and calls from your boyfriend never stopped, but you tried to ignore them. You just wanted to go home.
The drive was deathly silent. Sometimes tears would streak down one of your faces or Jimin would whisper that he was sorry and he loved you. You sat, head aching and fear eating your alive as the city grew closer and closer. Your flowers were in your lap, the daisies still in pretty bloom as they swayed, trapped in the vase.
When the car stopped outside of your place, Jimin struggled to let you out of the car. He watched, worry sick in his eyes as you took your bag and rounded the car to his side. You stood, unsure of what to say as you clutched the flowers tightly. The time you spent with him, despite being cut short, had been amazing. The best of your life, should you tell him that?
“Y/n” Jimin whispered, “please, don’t leave me.”
“I won’t.”
Jimin’s lip trembled because he felt like that was a lie.
“I love you, things will be okay” you tried to smile, but your eyes were brimming with tears.
“Can I kiss you? One more time?”
“I’m sorry.”
You weren’t exactly sure what you were sorry for. For leaving early? For not kissing him or because you hadn’t been able to go home with him? Were you sorry for ever meeting Jimin, pulling him into something so ugly?
Were you sorry because you loved him?
Jimin didn’t hear from you again. He waited for your message, assuming you would take a few days or maybe weeks to let things calm down before coming to him, but you never did. He tried texting, but couldn’t get an answer. He tried to forget it as the tour approached and he prepared to leave with the rest of Bangtan, who had no clue what had been happening with him the past year or so. They picked up on his changed behavior though. He seemed different, sad even. Despite asking what was wrong, Jimin never gave them an answer. The weeks past and Jimin worked to pull himself together as the date to leave came closer and closer, but still, he couldn’t completely erase the memory of you.
He loved you so much still. He worried for you, contemplated going to your place just to make sure you were alright, but he knew better. At night, curled under his covers and missing your embrace he thought of what could have been with you. How things would be if you had met under different circumstances, or if you had been able to leave that horrid man. He thinks about your smile and it makes him smile, he looks back on the photos taken that weekend often, a warm feeling in his chest as he thinks about holding you, kissing you, just being able to love you.
He takes to keeping a small vase of daisies in his room, something to brighten the place up. Something to remind him of you.
The morning they were set to head to the airport, Jimin finished double-checking his bags, Taehyung, long done with his packing, sat with him on the bed musing about the part excitement and part dread he felt for this tour. Jimin hummed along mindlessly.
“Oh? When did you get that tattoo?”
“Hm?” Jimin looks up before checking his forearm. “Oh, that.”
“Yeah, what is it? A daisy?” Taehyung squinted, trying to get a better look at the small piece of art. “Why a daisy?”
Jimin shrugged, “makes me happy when I see it.”
A year passes and Jimin learns to forget you, or he tries to. Some days he can’t stop thinking about it, while others he goes on as usual. But he still loves you deep down.
Jimin hummed as he scrolled through his phone, waiting beside Hoseok for their coffee order to be called, trying to block out the chatter of the people around him. But a familiar voice hits his ear and causes his face to twist in confusion. He looks around, eyes scanning the place before landing on a small table pressed against the window. His throat runs dry at the sight of you sitting alone, patiently waiting. His heart thumps fast and he almost begins to make his way to you when he notices the man coming to join you with two cups of coffee. His breath hitches, so your boyfriend was still with you?
Call him selfish, but Jimin had hoped way back when that they had left you after the cheating was revealed. He imagined that they had left you to come running into his arms instead.
You don’t look very happy not like you were when with him.
Jimin thinks about going up to you but knows he shouldn’t and he feels the urge to cry.
You were still so pretty in his eyes, despite how sad and worn down you appeared to be.
“Jimin?” Hoseok calls him, snapping the younger out of his thoughts as he rests a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?” Hoseok’s face was twisted in confusion and concern due to the stray tears that had fallen down his friend’s cheek.
Quickly Jimin wiped them away and turned away from you. “I’m fine” he musters a smile, “just getting in my head I guess.” He mutters, trying to keep himself from sparing one last glance at you as he and Hoseok get their drinks.
It hurt, but Jimin left the small café, not looking back at you once despite the yearning pain in his heart.