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INT. Garak’s tailor Shop
Garak is tidying up the shop after a long day. He is very much looking forward to closing and going home, until he hears the rustle of a lot of fabric, a very large dress, and mentally sighs knowing that he’s about to have to do some overtime. He turns to greet the customer and it’s Major Kira carrying a very large medieval gown.
GARAK
Major, what can I do for you? Oh is something the matter with the gown?
KIRA
The gown was fine Garak.
GARAK
Fine? Was it only adequate?
KIRA
Garak, no it was more than adequate. It was lovely.
GARAK
Then why return it?
KIRA
I have no use for it.
GARAK
I thought you and Commander Dax were using it in a holosuite program.
KIRA
Yes, and I don’t like human fairy tales.
GARAK
Oh I see. And the dress must suffer for bad human storytelling?
KIRA
No. I’m not going to use that program again on the holosuite, so I don’t need the dress anymore.
GARAK
But Major, this is a shame. The details, the hours of work, the fabric the notions, the research in Earth Arthurian legend. This dress should be seen at parties.
KIRA
Garak, I’m not here to argue with you. The dress is lovely, but I have no need for it after the last holosuite adventure.
GARAK
Major, may I ask what horrors befell you in holosuite. I’d like to know that it was not my tailoring that failed you but the human story.
Kira sighs.
KIRA
No.
GARAK
Then you may take the dress to the replicator and dispose of the matter there. But you are destroying a work of art.
Kira thinks and relents.
KIRA
Fine. I was playing a human queen. Married to my devoted husband who is a good king. When suddenly out of nowhere this knight wouldn’t stop bothering me. And then...
Garak
And then?
KIRA
He tried to kiss me! Me! A married woman! I knocked him out. Apparently, my infidelity is part of the story.
GARAK
Oh yes, I see the problem. You did the right thing Major. Kissing a married woman ? Is there always so much sneaking around in human love stories?
KIRA
Dax loves them. I don’t understand it. End the relationship, start another one.
GARAK
Exactly! Such a thing would never happen in a Cardassian story.
There is a moment between them of discomfort when they realize they agreed with each other. Garak quickly breaks the silence.
GARAK
I will take the dress back, but surely there is another story you could use it for.
KIRA
I don’t think so.
GARAK
What about earlier in the story?
KIRA
What do you mean?
GARAK
Surely there must have been a time before the queen falls for another man. How did the kingdom become so great? Perhaps the dress would work there.
KIRA
Another time....
Kira thinks on this and leaves Garak’s shop with the dress in hand. Garak pauses for a moment and then quickly shuts to the doors to not allow in anymore late arriving customers.
INT. Holosuite - no program running
A casually dressed Major Kira stands in the holosuite. She inserts a datarod into the computer.
KIRA
Computer, run the Once and Future King. An earlier chapter. Something interesting.
COMPUTER
Error, interesting is not defined.
KIRA
I don’t know, something magical.
COMPUTER
Magical is not defined.
Kira pauses and thinks for a moment.
KIRA
A meeting of two friends?
COMPUTER
Running the Sword in the Stone.
The world of the holosuite fades into
INT. Merlyn’s cottage - day
The cottage is messy, books upon books upon books. Even some furniture that may actually be books. And somewhere among the books is a very sleepy and grumpy owl. A very old man that looks very much like a cartoon wizard, long beard, hat, white hair, emerges from the stacks of books.
MERLYN
You’re late!
KIRA
Excuse me?
MERLYN
I’ve been waiting and you are already late. But you aren’t exactly as I remembered you. But this you will do.
KIRA
Remembered me? Have we met?
MERLYN
We have in a sense, though I was a lot younger then, and you're a lot older than... Commander Kira.
KIRA
Commander? Major. And you?
MERLYN
Ah forgive me, at my age it’s hard to keep it straight. I am Merlyn. Your humble tutor.
KIRA
I think there is a mistake.
MERLYN
No mistake. I believe you played Guinevere last time, but Lancelot did not gain your favour.
KIRA
I was a married woman!
MERLYN
Oh yes, but even married people, people in love can be tempted. Perhaps a different story is what you need.
KIRA
You don’t follow the typical format of a holosuite program.
MERLYN
I don’t. I’m Merlyn, I’m meant to be a great wizard and the one who made this adaptation wanted to program to engage with participants in a manner that best made sense to them. And what a better way for me to engage, then give myself a bit more magic.
KIRA
You know that all of this is a program. Doesn’t that bother you?
MERLYN
In some sense, all life is a kind of program. Each one meaningful to whoever chooses to engage with it. So, as an affair did not interest you, perhaps I will tutor you as I did Arthur when he was a boy.
KIRA
I’m not a child.
MERLYN
Yes, but aren’t we all children at heart.
KIRA
Some of us had to grow up faster than others.
MERLYN
An un-growing up then? Tea?
Merlyn gestures to a table setting that was not there a moment ago. Chairs float their way down from the ceiling and perch themselves at the table. Kira watches the display and then sits in one of the chairs. A tea cup hops its way towards her and a teapot pours itself into her cup.
MERLYN
Sugar?
KIRA
Yes please.
The sugar bowl also hops it’s way towards Kira’s cup and uses it’s handles as arms to spoon in sugar.
MERLYN
Say when.
KIRA
Stop please.
The sugar bowl stops, and then slowly tries to put more sugar in Kira’s cup.
MERLYN
When! WHEN! They get confused when you don’t say when.
The sugar looks disappointed and waddles it way to Merlyn.
MERLYN
Milk?
KIRA
No thank you.
Kira smells the tea and takes a sip, it’s surprisingly good. Merlyn stirs his tea.
MERLYN
Now, what should we talk about?
INT. GARAK'S TAILOR SHOP
Ziyel is chatting with Garak as Major Kira enters carrying a bag. Kira frowns, Garak straightens himself even more so than normal.
ZIYEL
Kira! Good to see you, will I see you for lunch today?
KIRA
Of course.
Ziyel nods to Garak and excuses herself.
GARAK
Major, how may I help you?
Kira opens the bag and reveals an unusual tear in her shirt.
KIRA
I need this patched.
GARAK
Such a grievous injury, and strange shape. I can patch it, but it won’t be the same as it was. But it will be a beautiful scar. May I inquire how it happened?
Kira
I spent the afternoon as fish in a castle moat and I was almost eaten by a pike. My shirt got the worst of it.
GARAK
I see. Do you often spend time as a fish?
KIRA
No. But I may do it again.
GARAK
I am here to mend any articles of clothing damaged in the adventure. Though, there are some injuries even I can’t repair.
Kira
I’ll keep that in mind.
Kira leaves Garak shop, and Garak continues to examine the strange rip, and shakes his head at Kira’s strange tale.
INT. Holosuite - Merlyn’s tower
The tower on Sir Ector’s estate is mostly bare with some rubbish piled up in a corner. Frankly the tower has seen better days, chipped and missing rocks and mortar. A roof with very obvious holes. Merlyn and Kira enter looking rather disappointed.
KIRA
I’m sorry Sir Ector didn’t offer you better accommodations.
MERLYN
Oh it’s perfectly fine. I can work with it.
KIRA
The rain is coming through the roof.
MERLYN
It is merely an accidental waterfall, try to enjoy it for what it is. We could race tiny boats and see who is victorious. But before that could you please take my bag, it is getting a bit too heavy for my old arms.
Kira takes the bag, and drops a little with the weight. She balances herself after being caught off guard.
KIRA
What did you put in here?
MERLYN
Oh only the essentials. If you wouldn’t mind, please place it in the center of the room.
Kira does as the old mage asks. She lowers the small but exceptionally heavy bag on to the floor, dodging puddles created by the accidental waterfall.
MERLYN
Ahhh thank you. Oh, this isn’t a good position.
Kira goes to move the bag.
MERLYN
Oh no, the bag is perfect, you did very well. I mean me. I need to be up higher.
Merlyn looks around trying to find a higher spot to stand. Kira looks through some of the rubbish and finds a chair. She checks that it’s still in good repair.
KIRA
You could stand on this?
MERLYN
Oh wonderful! Marvelous! Now if you’d please open the bag and step away.
KIRA
Merlyn, I can unpack the bag for you.
MERLYN
Nonsense! Open it and be dazzled!
Kira opens the bag and steps away. Merlyn directs her to step even further away.
MERLYN
Oh no no, come here! I need your help to get on this blasted chair!
Kira swiftly attends Merlyn and gives him her arm so he can get up on the chair.
MERLYN
Now don’t go too far away, I’ll need to help me down again. (clears throat). Alright you! Out of the bag! Come on, come on, there’s work to do. Wake up books. Rise and shine shelves. Good Morning bed! The rest of you out of the bag!
The furniture dances out of the bag. Dazzling Kira. Floating display of magical furniture. Slowly transforming the dilapidated tower into a liveable space.
INT. GARAK'S TAILOR SHOP
It’s a slow day in the shop and Garak isn’t even behind on work. As he pretends to be busy Major Kira enters the shop.
GARAK
Oh Major, you are early but I mended the shirt you gave me. I’ll get it from the back.
Garak goes to the back and retrieves Major Kira’s patched shirt.
GARAK
It was a difficult job, but I think you will be pleased with the result.
Garak lovingly shows off the patch and how well it blends into the rest of the shirt. Kira takes the shirt and stuffs it into a bag barely looking at the work.
KIRA
It’s fine. I have a pair of pants that need to be mended.
Garak collects himself.
GARAK
I see... was it another fish adventure?
KIRA
No, a rogue bookshelf clipped my leg. The wood was splintered and it caught on the pocket and ripped it.
Garak pauses for a moment. And examines the tear.
GARAK
It is right on seam. A clean wound. I am enjoying these little chats of ours. You are going to have quite the collection of mended clothing.
KIRA
Can you do it?
Garak is taken aback.
GARAK
Of course.
Kira leaves. Garak is left alone with more questions.
GARAK
I never thought Major Kira was such a talented storyteller.
INT. Bashir’s Quarters
Julian Bashir and Garak are having a relaxing evening at home. There’s a bit of wine and some sweet appetizers.
GARAK
And today she tells me she was hit by a bookshelf.
BASHIR
Really?
GARAK
Yes! What is the Major doing in her spare time?
BASHIR
The fish tale was definitely a bit odd, but I overheard her talking to Odo about being a hawk and soaring in the sky. Odo was fascinated, it must have been one of the only times someone had a relatable experience to his shapeshifting.
GARAK
Really? That’s not what I heard. I heard her telling Commander Dax about being an ant.
BASHIR
An ant?
GARAK
An ant. I heard Major Kira say she lied about being hit on the head to other ants so she would be assigned a job. At first the other ants thought she was disturbed because she wasn’t contributing. They were very accommodating when they explained her task.
BASHIR
An ant?
GARAK
Yes an ant.
BASHIR
Fascinating... I’ve never thought of ant jobs.
GARAK
Holosuites don’t usually make people into creatures.
BASHIR
It’s not entirely unheard of. It’s still projection, replication, gravity, and force fields. I’m certain a very talented programmer could make something that was similar to flying or swimming.
GARAK
You can’t make anyone smaller, so the projection would
Bashir
Need to be bigger. Yes, I’ve been thinking about it too.
GARAK
Has she been in the medical bay?
BASHIR
You know I’m not allowed to disclose patient details.
GARAK
Oh yes of course, that would be very rude of you... but she has been to the medical bay.
BASHIR
I can’t say either way.
GARAK
It is very curious though, isn’t it?
BASHIR
Very curious.
GARAK
Perhaps we should try out this program.
BASHIR
Oh no, I don’t think so.
GARAK
Where is your sense of adventure doctor?
BASHIR
I am curious, but no.
GARAK
Ah, the consequences you must see in the medical bay.
BASHIR
Garak you know I ca
GARAK
You can’t talk about your patients. I know. You can’t blame me for being interested. Only so much happens in the shop.
BASHIR
I’m sure it much more interesting than you are letting on.
GARAK
No one is going to tell great tales of my tailoring.
BASHIR
I will.
GARAK
You are constantly surprising. Infuriating, but surprising my dear Doctor.
Int. Merlyn’s Tower
The tower is empty. All the books and shelves and various things are gone. Once again in the single bag that Merlyn brought. Kira and Merlyn stand in the now cold and empty tower.
KIRA
What do you mean you’re leaving?
MERLYN
Time does pass too quickly.
KIRA
You can’t leave now.
MERLYN
I have taught you so much, and you learned very well. But it is time for me to go.
KIRA
No. You need to come to Kay’s Tournament in London. Kay will want you to be there. I want to you be there.
MERLYN
Kay is of no matter to me. He is your imaginary older brother, not my imaginary student. You will handle being his squire adequately as expected.
KIRA
Adequately? Kay could use your support. He’s jealous that he didn’t get chosen for your magical adventures. And..
MERLYN
And...
KIRA
...I don’t want to be a squire.
MERLYN
Ah. That is up for you to choose. You can end the program now if you wish, but I really do have things to do.
KIRA
I still have so much to learn.
MERLYN
Isn’t the beauty of life? There is always something new to learn, and room to grow.
KIRA
I feel like we only got started and now, you’re leaving.
MERLYN
Yes, but it is time for me to go.
KIRA
You won’t stay until after the tournament? Kay’s going to try to pull that sword from that anvil.
MERLYN
And what about you?
KIRA
Me? I can’t be king.
MERLYN
Why can’t you?
KIRA
I’m not a politician. I can’t run a country. I don’t want to run a country.
MERLYN
And you didn’t know anything about overthrowing one either, and you did that well.
KIRA
I had no choice. I had help. I had people I could count on... I don’t know these people.
MERLYN
Hmm...I see that this conversation will not progress. So I bid you farewell. Wish Kay good luck in the tournament.
Merlyn disappears leaving Kira alone to make her way to London for the Tournament.
INT. GARAK'S TAILOR SHOP
Major Kira walks across the promenade carrying a sword. She enters Garak’s shop. Garak collects himself.
GarAK
Is everything alright Major?
Kira
Yes perfectly fine, but I need you to make a scabbard for this sword.
Garak pauses for a moment and looks at the sword and at the Major, and puts down the bolt of fabric that was in his hand.
GARAK
Major, I don’t believe anyone on this station understands what a tailor does.
KiRA
And what is it that you do, Garak?
GARAK
I alter clothes! I tailor clothes to fit you. I am a tailor, not whatever it is that everyone wants to make me out to be.
KIRA
So you don’t want to alter my dress for the coronation?
GARAK
What? Of course I will, but I don’t make scabbards for swords. You’ll have to get that replicated.
Kira
I’m sure you’ll do just fine.
GARAK
Major. Please I understand when I say this, but no. I’m not going to suddenly know how to make a sheath for that weapon.
KIRA
Garak, I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You can measure it now, but I’m taking it with me.
Garak is taken a back and begins to make an argument, but Major Kira is holding a sword.
GARAK
Fine. But you should put it back where it came from.