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It was too quiet, Ahsoka thought. No blaster fire, no commands being shouted or screaming troops. Just stillness. She could hear the trees and their leaves rustling in the vernal breeze that carried a floral scent to her nose. It was almost unreal. The images of fighting and war from the last three days do not match the beauty of this planet. She could hear herself breathe. In and out. Exhale, inhale. Again and again at a steady pace. It was a strange self-awareness she had now. Her muscles ached from the fighting and her head felt like it might split open from dehydration. But yet, she stood up straight, watching the aftermath of their latest battle.
Clones carried their brothers on stretchers and supplies to the trenches and camps. Others dug holes and said quick eulogies. They didn’t have enough time to pay proper respects to each and every grave. They didn’t know when the next wave of Droids would attack.
“Hey, kid,” Rex said gently, walking up behind her. She didn’t turn her head to look at him but she felt his hand rest atop her shoulder. “You should get some rest while you can. It’s starting to get dark.” Ahsoka hadn’t realized it but Rex was right. The sun had already set and a blue hue settled around their camp. She finally let herself relax, the tense muscles sore as she turned to face him. She nodded.
“Yeah, yeah you’re probably right,” Ahsoka replied, forcing a smile at him. “You sure you don’t need any help now?” Rex shook his head.
“Everything is under control. It’s just a waiting game now, sir.” He paused, then added in a softer tone. “So please go rest up, okay?”
Ahsoka had to chuckle at his concern. But it was appreciated. “Alright, Rex.” She said heading off towards their main camp.
Ahsoka never stopped walking. She kept her focus on the sound of her own footsteps and the breeze brushing against her skin. She was cold now. The adrenaline was beginning to wear off, and with that came the exhaustion. Ahsoka hated this part of missions. She could always sense her troop’s sorrow and loss. The fear that some of them exuded was terrifying. Ahsoka wished she could shut them all out. She tried her best by being hyper-sensitive to her environment, but it was all so connected. There was no hiding from their pain.
Before she knew it, Ahsoka was back in the camp, sitting on her cot. Her boots were off and soon she found herself under the covers, ready for a well-deserved rest.
Ahsoka closed her eyes. The stillness in the air was unsettling but she tried to find comfort in it. She meditated. Focused again on her breathing, blocking the horrific images of the last battle from her mind. She wished she could disconnect her mind from her body. Her thoughts from her actions. It would make this war a lot easier for her, Ahsoka imagined. But she could still sense the pain from her men. No meditation has helped with that so far. Only the end of the war could stop that.
Ahsoka opened her eyes. She had not slept. She could not sleep. Her mind felt heavy and burdened. She was almost used to this. She turned over onto her back, letting out an aggressive sigh as she did. His fits pulled at the blankets. Anger flared in her for a moment, directed at herself. This struggle to sleep, this insomnia , as Anakin called it, was normal to her now. Still, she got so frustrated with herself.
Ahsoka’s mind drifted to her Master. He had always helped her cope with this issue, especially when she was younger. A small smile erupted on her lips as she remembered those memories of a few years ago. But she was older now. Wiser and experienced. It would be childish and immature to go to him now, Ahsoka told herself.
Almost on cue footsteps approached her cot in their makeshift barracks. Her eyes, now adjusted to the dark, spotted Anakin. He met her eyes as he kicked off his boots and settled down in the cot across from her. She could sense his anxiety. It made her sick.
“You should be resting, snips.” He told her in a hushed voice. “We haven’t slept much these past few days.”
Ahsoka took her eyes off him, returning her gaze to the ceiling above her. She could hear him shift in his own cot, settling down and making himself comfortable. “I know, Master.” She replied. Then silence for a long, long moment. Ahsoka knew she shouldn’t bother him, But yet-
“Anakin?” She broke the silence. There is no shame in asking for help . Ahsoka remembered Master Kenobi’s words, and right now, she needed a little help.
“What is it?” He replied, and Ahsoka was glad he didn’t sound annoyed.
“I can’t sleep.”
There was a pause. She waited for him to tell her to get over it or to meditate on her feelings. Instead, she heard him get up and shuffle across the floor towards her cot. “Sit up, ‘Soka.” He said in a slurred, tried tone.
Ahsoka did and watched as Anakin sat down at the end of her cot then reached his arm over and pulled her close to his side. Suddenly Ahsoka was fourteen again. A new padawan fresh from her first real battle, shaking in her Master’s arms.
Ahsoka didn’t think Anakin could tell the difference, from the way he treated her. Of course, there was a major increase in her abilities and training. But Ahsoka figures that Anakin will always see her as that fourteen-year-old Padawan that he was assigned. In some aspects, Ahsoka was glad for that fact. She felt as though these past few years of constant war have jaded her in a way, and that memory that Anakin holds of her is the last bit of peace and childhood she has left of herself.
Her thoughts were cut short when she heard a soft melody. It was Anakin. He was humming, a calming tune that sounded familiar to Ahsoka, but she couldn’t place it. She glanced up at him. His eyes were closed but the song was definitely coming from him. The song seemed to find its way into Ahsoka’s mind to settle the raging thoughts and forced her to only focus on it.
“What are you humming?” Ahsoka finally asked.
The song stopped as Anakin replied. “It’s a song my mother used to sing me, but I don’t remember the words. Only the melody.” He admitted. “Why? Is it distracting?”
“No!” Ahsoka interjected. “It’s- nice.” That was all she could say, but that was enough for Anakin because the humming started again and for the first time in days, Ahsoka felt safe enough to close her eyes and let herself be carried off into a deep sleep.