Work Text:
Song list:
I Will - Mitski
Nobody- Mitski
Francis Forever- Mitski
Washing Machine Heart- Mitski
A Loving Feeling -Mitski
—-
The way I loved him I will never love.
And the way he smiled no one will ever smile.
My heart hurts.
Give me a loving feeling.
—-
Her eyes swelled up, cheeks all puffy as she stared at the slender man with the green jumpsuit who lost his voice.
And his heart.
She watched his will shatter as he stared at the blue sky, his eyes glossy and dazed.
His stomach made a weird noise and he smiled at her before speaking words.
But she couldn’t understand what he was saying.
Why couldn’t she understand what he was saying?
The man looked anxious as he tried to get her to hear his voice.
She only heard one sentence.
Give Me A Loving Feeling.
She turned to ask him what he meant but he was gone.
She didn’t have any special traits or skills.
Everything from her personality to her ninjustu was anything but unique.
But even so, as ordinary as she was, she knew couldn’t ever be a normal woman.
She stood up as she started to look for the mysterious odd- behaving man.
Who was she even looking for to begin with?
She skipped down the small green hill and smiled as she inhaled the fresh air and caught a glimpse of the mountains in the distance.
One day she’ll go hike those mountains with Lee and Neji.
She continued walking down the hill and she spotted a small daisy at the corner of the hill.
She felt uneasy as she noticed that the hill looked more lifeless on the other side.
But as dark as the hill was, the flower stood by itself all well put together tall and beautiful.
She smiled before looking at the sky again where she saw the clouds gather in pairs … leaving one out in the middle.
Rain started to pour lightly as one ray of sunlight hit a circular object on the flower.
She ran quickly.
-
TenTen wasn’t romantically in love with Rock Lee.
But his existence meant a lot to her.
It meant a lot to everyone.
He was somebody.
But who was she?
Was she
No one?
Nobody.
Nobody.
Nobody.
Nobody.
She was a nobody.
A nobody without him.
-
Rock Lee took her out to eat food often
He usually had a strict diet and he didn’t eat any processed or salty foods.
Still even though he was handsome he never had a girlfriend.
Kiba set him up on blind dates with women but he never really found his person.
They all either wanted his money or just a nice man to make them look good.
But even after Rock Lee got scammed by women he never resented them.
He always thought that women were beautiful.
And he was hopeful he would find a wife one day.
Tenten gripped her headband tightly and bit her lip to prevent herself from losing it.
She closed her window and let her mind engulf itself in memories of her beloved.
He made her feel loved.
He loved her.
She was so so loved.
She wanted to wash his hair for him one last time.
Or sing his favourite song with him again.
Or make him his favourite homemade vegetable pizza.
It hurted.
All of her happy memories with him were so painful.
She covered her mouth and her stomach turned as she found something wrapped up in the corner of her dresser.
She hesitantly pulled out the rectangular object and sat on her bed.
Her hands started to shake as she read the title of the package.
Daisy Seeds.
Why would he..?
“Why would he give me flower seeds?”
She thought confusedly as she read the title.
And in the small corner of the package was writing.
Tenten took a deep breath before reading the note.
Forget me. Forget me. Forget me.
But before you do
Tell me how you feel one last time
Before I go
Give me a Loving Feeling.
What the hell?
What was he talking about?
-
But no matter how she thought hard about it it was easy to realize just how alone Lee was all of the time.
Having to work one hundred times more than the average ninja he still managed to reach the top ten of the hidden leaf.
As she reminisced about him, she wondered why she wasn’t sad.
In the afterlife is there more freedom?
Are people happier?
Is it more beautiful?
No…
She believed that ..
Maybe people liked it there.
And maybe .. just maybe ..
They had a loving feeling.
Lucky.
Oh so lucky.
Tenten coughed out blood.
Was she sick?
She lost her appetite.
She couldn’t feel anything.
Why couldn’t she feel sad?
It wasn’t fair.
She wanted to be sad.
Why couldn’t she be normal?
She could never be a normal woman.
Oh how she envied them.
The talkative & greedy women who bragged about their husbands and their jobs.
She wanted her and Neji to be like..
But it didn’t matter.
It was hard to love a dead man.
He could have been her husband.
And then she’d let her hair go and put on makeup.
They’d have date nights and a happy marriage and three children.
She’d make good food for him and their children.
Oh how great would that be.
But her lover was long gone.
He led a sad and tragic life but he was finally free.
And as amazing as her potential husband could have been,
He could never amount to her hero and best friend.
He could never amount to the man who would give her a loving feeling.
—
Rock Lee disappeared ten years ago.
She never knew why he did what he did as he was not someone who could easily abandon his friends.
His family.
She bent her neck and bit her nails as she remembered her last encounter with her soulmate.
He made her sad.
Very sad.
It upset her terribly.
All of the sleepless nights she spent worrying about him and praying for his return
Resulted in him erasing himself from everyone’s memories.
Not from hers.
But how could he be so happy?
So happy leaving his beloved.
I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.
But even as he ruined her for half of her life
She couldn’t hate him ever.
An insensitive boy.
Maybe he could make her normal.
After all they’ve been through
They had to be happy.
So why was he only happy?
How could he find beauty in every ugly thing?
A beautiful boy.
Please come back to me.
-
To love…
Must mean to not suffer.
In another world
Was there an alternate version of herself
And her husband
And her soulmate
Where they’re surrounded by love?
Somewhere where they don’t know how to kill or cry.
Somewhere where they’re normal kids.
They had parents.
And a family.
They went to school.
They ate three meals everyday.
They had new shoes and clothes.
No. No. No.
They would travel the world.
And hike mountains.
And camp in the wilderness as they watched the sun shine reflect it’s light on the blue waters.
They allowed themselves to be mesmerized by the view and experience the moment.
They didn’t have to carry weapons or watch people die.
“ Huh… I’ll like that world.”
TenTen chuckled to herself before losing consciousness.
—-
Guy Sensei taught TenTen how to say Thank you when she was six years old.
She didn’t know how to express herself properly and did what was expected of her.
She didn’t want to be the center of attention because she knew she wouldn’t be able to take the backlash that came with it.
But even then…
All she did was watch …
When Rock Lee was ridiculed..
Pour soul.
He suffered so much for no reason.
Still he always smiled.
But when she found him in front of that cliff
near the ocean after the Chunin Exams
He wasn’t smiling.
He was crying.
Not for pity
But for love.
And when she couldn’t bear to see the boy jump she told him she’d love him.
And he said thank you.
Thank you.
-
Her heart raced and her running started to get slower as she approached the object.
Her lips trembled and she felt her heart rip out as she saw him.
His facial features looked relaxed and his hair was a bit wet but it was still neat and TenTen thought it looked ok.
She held his face with a smile on her face.
As she cupped both of his cheeks she held the man’s face to her chest before carrying the head to its body.
He was finally back with her.
She was finally not alone.
People whispered and held their children as the woman carried the lifeless man back to her apartment.
She wanted to bury him.
And put him underground.
But how could she?
If he becomes happy in the afterlife
Then who will love her?
That smile that was plastered on his face
Tenten recognized it
It was genuine.
It was real.
She stood up
And spun around with her eyes closed.
The life she lived
It was fun.
Oh how very fun.
She turned around to look at Rock Lee’s head one last time.
Surely somebody who saw her outside must’ve called the authorities.
The Anbu would be here to arrest her soon.
But even so she couldn’t help but feel sad
That Rock Lee couldn’t give her her loving feeling.
Her only regret was not recognizing her friend before he passed in her arms.
He came back to see her.
He came back to say thank you.
He was a new man with a new scent and he was content with the love Tenten gave him during his life.
But she wasn’t.
Greedy.
She was a greedy woman.
But all the love she showered him with wasn’t enough for her as she still wanted to accompany him on his boring missions or even talk on that field
One hundred times more.
—-
Why does my heart hurt so much?
I feel so sad..
Tenten smiled
She was finally feeling something.
Was this possibly …
Her loving feeling?
No…
She was sure
This was her loving feeling.
—-
Tenten died two days later from broken heart syndrome.
——
I love you. I love you. I love you.
Rock Lee, I love you.
Stay with me & smile.
And don’t ever stop smiling.
And please in return,
Let me give you your loving feeling.
—
The End