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Of all the ways Eddie imagined his true feelings for Buck would come to the surface, he never thought it’d be on a random Tuesday night, Buck getting a beer out of the fridge as Eddie just goes, “Toss me one, babe.”
In his defence, he freezes immediately after and mentally kicks himself because a) what the fuck, b) he could’ve made that a smidge more romantic, and c) he couldn’t have just… sat him down and told him he was in love with him instead? It had to be a goddamn pet-name slip up that Eddie just knows Buck’s gonna let him out of if he doesn’t say anything about it.
But that’s the problem, isn’t it?
He’s planned this. He’d realized he was in love with Buck the second Carla came into town and basically told him that Ana seemed to like the idea of Eddie whilst not knowing a thing about who he actually is, and then she’d asked who had Christopher for the night and Eddie had told her it was Buck and she’d literally looked at him like, for real? could it be anymore obvious?
Eddie broke up with Ana that night.
And since then… he’s been sort of coming to terms with how lost he’d gotten this past year. How disconnected he felt with his son, his best friend, the team… all these little things had been piling up and he’d been putting on some sort of show, like he had to be in a relationship again and it had to be a good one. Which he knows is bullshit, but he’s never been the guy to unpack the way his brain works - he just lets Buck do that for him and then occasionally nudge him in the right direction.
So, yeah. He’s in love with Buck. Has been for years, probably. But he’s not okay, right now. Not okay enough to be a good partner to him. He can be a friend - somehow that’s easier - but he needs to become secure again. He needs to take care of himself so he’s not as shitty of a partner to Buck as he was to Shannon. And god, he still wishes they could’ve had one last conversation; aired out all their issues so Eddie wasn’t stuck feeling so guilty and nervous about relationships. But he also knows that back then, he wouldn’t have been able to do it. He would’ve been defensive and angry and unable to empathize… so that has to count for progress, right?
He was gonna tell Buck all of this, he was , just not right now. He was gonna be super romantic and cheesy about it, the way Buck deserves, and he was gonna have a conversation with Christopher about it beforehand and hopefully, Buck was gonna tell him that he loved him back and then they’d move seamlessly into being romantically involved because fuck it, if they haven’t already been co-parenting for like, four years.
He was not going to accidentally call him ‘babe’ and then burst out laughing the second he looks in his eyes, Buck’s own shoulders shaking with the giggles.
Eddie smacks his palm on his forehead and rubs at his face, cringing a little as Buck slides a beer his way, obviously very content with just having a laugh and then moving along. Eddie’s not, though. He can’t just let Buck act like it never happened because he’ll be damned if he makes him believe that he just slipped up out of tiredness and Eddie’s heart doesn’t absolutely ache for him at the beginning of each day. “We should probably talk about that.” He somehow manages to say and Buck just snorts.
“You must be really tired, Eds.”
“I’m not, really.” He says immediately, hesitantly meeting Buck’s gaze. The look he gives him must convey just where he plans for this conversation to go, because Buck puts his own beer down, resting his palms on the counter.
“Wait…” He looks… dumbstruck. As if he can’t truly believe the words he knows are about to come out of Eddie’s mouth, but he knows him well enough to know that Eddie’s gonna say them. “Are you saying you…?”
“Are completely in love with you? Yes.” Eddie finishes, clasping his hands together in front of him.
“Oh.” Is all Buck says.
He repeats it. “Oh.”
Buck’s eyes are blown wide and there’s a ghost of a smile appearing on his lips, which only grows wider as he stammers out, “Me too.” as if he didn’t realize he hadn’t said it back.
Eddie grins a little, and fuck , he can’t believe he’s turned so bashful already. “I kinda figured.” Buck laughs along, Eddie pausing before he continues, “I didn’t want to say it like that. I… I wanted it to be better…”
“You know, weirdly it feels very us .” Buck laughs, a little too calmly, like Eddie saying he’s in love with him doesn’t rock their worlds and change just about everything for them.
“It does.” Eddie agrees, nodding. “But I wasn’t going to say it now , I mean. It’s true, I do love you, I just… I guess I need a little time to be totally ready. And I’m not asking you to wait for me or anything, that’s not fair. We have to just go with it and what happens, happens. But, I really love you.”
Buck grins now, a little giddily as he says, “I really love you, too.” His smile drops for a second though, as he thinks about something and he sits himself down in the stool beside the one Eddie’s on and says determinedly, “Okay, you need time to be ready. I need something from you, too.”
Eddie nods, “Anything.”
Buck sighs, playing with his own fingers for a second before he lets go, looking into Eddie’s eyes. “I know we love each other. In more ways than one, but if we’re gonna do this, this has to be it . We have to be it for each other. I can’t do the leaving thing, so you have to promise that even if I fuck up, like lawsuit-level bad, you won’t leave. We’re together for good.”
Eddie nods, eyes filled with wonder as a little tick goes off in his brain. He and Buck are gonna be together . Like, for good. Like, he’s found the person he wants to be with and he loves him back and they’re totally gonna retire early and travel to all the places Buck’s read about while Christopher’s off living his own life and doesn’t need them anymore.
“Easy promise.” He says, and means it.
--
He works himself up for a week before he finally sits his son down to talk about it.
He’d started with breakfast - and by that, he means he took Chris to IHOP because there’s no way he was trying to cook something he’d end up hating right before telling his son he’s in love. Chris had gotten his favourite (coincidentally, also Buck’s favourite) and sang in the car on the way back home, excited to have done something special on his dad’s day off.
After they’ve come in and washed their hands - an old COVID habit Eddie’s glad they never got rid of - Eddie sits down on the coffee table, his son getting up on the couch and clasps his hands together, something he’s noticing he does when he’s about to have a serious discussion with someone. Christopher must notice too, because he asks, “What’s wrong, daddy?”
Eddie smiles nervously and replies, “Nothing’s wrong, mijo. I just wanted to talk to you about something. About Buck.”
Christopher frowns, face going all pouty as he says, “Is Buck okay?”
Eddie nods - this conversation is not going how he wanted it to go. “Yes, Christopher. Buck’s fine. I just have a question to ask you.” Christopher’s frown is wiped off his face and he nods curiously. “Well, you know he’s my best friend, and has been for so long. And I know you love him and he loves you… and I was just wondering if you’d be okay with Buck and I becoming more than friends. Sort of like Bobby and Athena, or Hen and Karen.”
Christopher tilts his head to the side, a little confused, but not in a bad way. “Like you and Mommy were?”
“Sort of.” Eddie nods. “I loved your Mommy, but I know you know that things weren’t always super great between us. I wasn’t there when you were a baby and Mom wasn’t around when I came back. Things would be different with Buck and I. Easier. We’d be together all the time.”
Christopher nods, clearly liking that idea and Eddie continues on. “Buck and I want to be partners, which means that eventually we’d be living together, and we might think about getting married one day. You know, for a while now, I’ve been doing things alone. Taking care of you and making all our decisions… Buck and I would be doing that together. He’d be another one of your caretakers, do you understand?”
His son is full on grinning now, and he jumps in his seat a little as he says, “Buck would be like my second dad!”
Eddie genuinely has to try not to get emotional at that. He’d expected this conversation to go well - how could it not, when everyone loves Buck? - but knowing his son wants to have Buck around like
that
? As a second father? God, he can only imagine the look on Buck’s face when Eddie tells him about this. “Yeah. But, he’d never replace your mom, Chris. no one ever could.”
“I know.” Chris says simply, in the way only a child can, as if it’s obvious. “Stacy Borns has three parents. A mom and a dad and a stepmom. She says that she has enough love in her heart for all of them, she just has different names for her moms. Mom and Mama.” Christopher’s eyes go wide suddenly, as he realizes, “Do I get to call Buck ‘dad’ too?”
Eddie chuckles, blinking a few times. “I’m sure he’d like that. If you ask him about it first, though. It could get confusing, mijo. We don’t really have different names.”
Christopher hums, thinks on it for a second, and then says, “You can be daddy and Buck can be dad. There!”
Eddie can’t help but brush a hand through his son’s hair. “You okay with that? You know, most kids grow out of calling their dads ‘daddy’ when they reach their teen years.”
Christopher shakes his head. “I won’t.” He says confidently, and Eddie presses a kiss to his forehead. “You’re always gonna be my daddy.”
And
fuck,
if that doesn’t melt his heart.