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It was a busy day in an office building in Tokyo. A skinny, light brown haired young man was waiting for his ride home – his driver should’ve been there to pick him up 20 minutes ago but for some reason, the driver wasn’t there yet. Not far from him, standing 10 meters away from each other, another young man, checking the smartphone in his hand every 2 minutes, anxiously waiting for someone to get off from work. The two were looking at opposite directions. They were ex-lovers, and they haven’t seen each other since the day they broke up, three years ago.
The grey cloud turned into rain, and eventually it started to pour. The first boy was informed that his ride got stuck in traffic, so he decided to go back inside to order some hot mocha and warm himself up while waiting to be picked up. The later was told that he needed to wait a little bit longer, so he went to the same café, maybe order a black coffee and read a bit to buy some time.
In that café, the two ex-lovers’ eyes finally meet. Holding their own beverages in their hands, for the first time in three years, they saw each other’s faces again at last.
The first boy was Shiroiwa Ruki. Someone who just resigned from his old job to build a new career as a co-owner of a start-up company. He couldn’t believe just a few years after graduating college, he could already start his own business along with some of his closest friends.
“H-how.. are you?” Ruki asked, looking up at his ex, a taller and bigger guy, named Yonashiro Sho. His knees suddenly felt weak, he could never prepare for this reunion. He was swooned at the sight of Sho, for he was very good looking, exactly like how Ruki remembered him.
“I’m great. Wow. I can’t believe I’d see you here,” Sho answered while scratching his head. “Should we have a table together or..?”
“Uh, yes. Sure, why not?” Ruki’s poor heart was beating too fast from hearing that gentle voice again after a long time, but he didn’t want to show it. God, how he wished he could just run away.
As Sho was touching his hair, the younger saw a ring in his fourth finger. A ring that he’d never seen him wear. Silver, shiny, and just simply impossible to be unnoticed.
The two grabbed a seat, facing each other, both were blushing. After putting his drink on the table, Sho slid his hands inside his pockets. It was hard for him to look at Ruki in the eyes, so he just stared at the rainy view outside the window, then he sighed.
“It’s a little awkward, isn’t it?” He grinned nervously.
Ruki had one of his hand tapping on the table and the other stroking the back of his neck, trying to cope with the nervousness inside him, making sure Sho wouldn’t sense it. But Ruki was the first one who had the courage to look at the other in the eye.
He told him, “You don’t need to hide it. I already saw.. your hand.”
Sho gulped, then raised his eyebrows, “Ah, sorry I just don’t know how to make things less awkward.”
“When’s the wedding?”
“This summer, actually.”
Ruki was taken aback, but again, tried not to show it.
“Wow, that’s.. very soon,” the younger said softly, his voice sounded unsure though. “Congratulations. I’m happy for you.”
Sho smirked, “Wow, that’s very comforting, coming from you. Thank you. ”
“What about you, Ruki?”
He glanced at him and smiled shyly, “Well, I’m dating someone.”
Sho nodded slowly, trying to accept his answer that he actually wasn’t ready for. He knew he already had someone, but hearing those words from Ruki felt kind of hurt, like a little shock of electricity just hit him.
Sho was Ruki’s senior in college. Even though they weren’t in the same year, but they often worked together for some student projects. They share the same passion for music, art, and event-organizing. Sho loved Ruki’s work ethic and creative ideas, and the feeling was mutual for Ruki, so they just clicked. It was natural that their relationship developed quickly; from work partner to lovers. Maybe it was Ruki’s charming face that Sho felt in love with, and maybe Ruki fell for Sho’s gentleness, the two were so in love.
But it changed after Sho’s graduation. It became harder to see each other as Ruki was, of course, still studying, and Sho was busy seeking for jobs or travelling – He was never around. One day during one of his travels, he had too much to drink at a party. The next morning, a picture of him kissing one of his friends spread around the social media. Sho didn’t even realize that happened – but it happened – and Ruki unfortunately had to see it.
Sho immediately apologized, but Ruki was already heart-broken. Feeling extremely betrayed, he chose to break up with Sho without letting the older say a word.
“That’s great. I hope whoever that person is, they won’t make the same mistake as I did.”
“Sho-kun..”
“I did. I messed up. I broke your heart, and you left. I must admit though, I was disappointed at you for disappearing just like that, but.. I tried to understand. And I know for a fact that I deserve it, losing you.”
Ruki let out a sigh and bit his lip, “I don’t know. I guess we were both too immature back then.”
“Do you hate me?” Sho asked.
That made Ruki glare in shock, “No! Of course not. I don’t hate you!”
He added, “I was hurt, and angry, and disappointed, but, I don’t hate you.. I miss you.”
Sho nervously chuckled, for he was feeling the same thing, “I’m sorry, Ruki. I really am. What I did was unforgivable, and I regret that it led us to end our relationship.” He then raised his head, staring at the ceiling, recalling the moments when he and Ruki was still together, “God, Ruki, we were so in love.”
“I’m not saying this to get back together with you because I know it’s the last thing you’d want, and I’m already committed to my partner,” Sho said pointing at his engagement ring, as if it wasn’t obvious enough, "But if I could turn back time.. you know."
“Yeah, I know. But us breaking up was for the better. I mean, look at you. Looking so healthy, happy, and now engaged. Knowing how much you loved working, I never thought you’d get married this early,” Ruki humbly smiled. “I’m assuming they’ve been treating you right?”
“She has,” Sho nodded, looking at a boy he once really loved dearly. “But anyway, I’m thankful we were together, even just for a short while. You’ve taught me a lot about how to love someone, I guess.”
Ruki shyly grinned, “And you’ve taught me to be stronger, as cheesy as it sounds.”
With his large hand, Sho grabbed his cup of coffee, “Anyway. I’m relieved knowing you’ve found someone. I.. I’m sure it’s someone who’s gonna love you better than I ever did,” he paused to take a sip, “You deserve happiness, Ruki. Truly.”
“Thank you,” he replied, looking at the floor, doubting what Sho had just said. It was crazy how that one sentence that came out of Sho’s mouth triggered him to think about his current relationship; Was it really what he wanted? Was he really happy with his new partner? And was he better than Sho? God, Ruki was sure it would be easier if he had never loved Sho.
Ruki glanced at the watch he was wearing – it was a gift his boyfriend gave him for his birthday last year. A sudden feeling of guilt hit him; he shouldn’t have agreed to sit with Sho today, because it made him question his love towards his partner, and his partner’s love for him. He had almost moved on from Sho, but all his efforts to forget him these past three years were in vain thanks to this short meeting.
Suddenly, Sho’s phone rang, breaking the silence between the two. He looked at it, then moved his eyes back to Ruki.
“She just texted me. I think it’s time for me to go.”
“Ah, so you’re here to pick her up?”
“Yeah. Her office is in this building, 24th floor.”
Ruki smiled. Showing this “Ah, I see” face, acting like he was interested.
They both stood up and stepped out of the table, ready to say goodbye. But they ended up just staring at each other, not knowing what to say. Sho got lost in Ruki’s eyes, as they had always been Sho’s favorite. There were stars blinking in his eyes, as Sho always thought. Ruki’s mind went blank for a second, still in disbelief that he could see Sho again.
Sho swallowed hard, he didn’t want it to end like this, but it had to. Part of him knew he didn’t choose this to happen, but the other part of him said he had to let go and move on.
“Ruki, I’m glad we can talk like this. You know, in a very comfortable setting, no one is raising their voice, and knowing that we can compromise to let the past behind us.”
Ruki wanted to reply and say more, or maybe apologize for not giving Sho a chance to fix their relationship back then. But his lips just couldn’t move.
“Yeah,” was the only response Ruki could give, it was the best he could do. His voice was small and shaky, and Sho could sense a tone of regret.
Gently, Sho put his hand on the younger’s shoulder, saying his one request, “Think of me kindly, would you? I know I don’t really deserve it, but—“
“Of course, Sho-kun,” Ruki said before his ex could say more, “But only if you do the same for me.”
“Sure. I promise.”
Ruki, without looking at Sho, offered his right hand. His chest now felt tight, he wanted to end this conversation already, before he said something he might regret.
“Goodbye, Sho-kun.”
Sho knew he couldn't just end it with a meaningless handshake, so he pulled Ruki in for a hug instead, a tight but gentle one. The younger’s head rested close to Sho’s solid and broad chest, feeling him breathing in and out. Ruki allowed himself to take a moment to fully lean on him – because this could be the very last one, after all. He felt so small in Sho’s arms, and it felt warm and comforting. He missed it, he really really missed it.
“Goodbye, Ruki.”
Ruki could only respond with a nod, because if he tried to speak, he’d break down crying. Sho could feel it too.
“Take care, okay?” Sho asked as he rubbed Ruki’s back.
Again, Ruki could only nod as he buried his head against Sho’s chest.
~~~
Many weeks have passed, and even after saying their goodbyes, they still see each other at the same place every Friday. Not that they plan to, but Ruki just loved spending his Friday afternoon in that coffee shop to wrap up his weekly tasks, or just to read – he loved reading in a café, with a chocolatey hot mocha on his table. And Sho loved to be there to wait for his fiancé to finish her work while enjoying his favorite Americano that shop has. They just couldn’t help to see each other again and again.
With that said, the two never sat together like the other day. Both Sho and Ruki just let each other sit by themselves, minding their own business, acting like the other didn’t exist.
Until one day, it changed. Ruki who just got off from work decided to stop at the coffee shop, only to grab his favorite drink and go home as he was quite tired that day. But before he could even order, that charming tall and muscular guy walked from across the room all the way to meet him.
“Ruki, hi,” he greeted.
Confused, Ruki had to take some time before he replied, “Sho-kun?”
“I.. want to sit with you today. You’re not going home yet, right?”
Yes, actually, Ruki wanted to say that. But his gut told him to refrain. So he lied and said no, then let Sho to talk more.
“I hope this is not weird, I just.. want to have a chat, with you, as a friend.”
Ruki wasn’t expecting it, but he didn’t refuse – he had no reason to refuse. Although, something didn’t feel right. Something about his smile, and the way he behaved. That day, Ruki chose to just go with the flow. And there, they talked, just like two colleagues having pleasant conversation about various things for hours; Ruki’s new company, Sho’s new hobby, the music they currently listen to, and many other things. Ruki just smiled and started telling him excitedly about everything that kept his mind busy. He also enjoyed Sho’s stories which made him laugh. And Ruki realized that maybe, just maybe, he wanted to hear Sho talking and laughing for the rest of his life.
Later that evening, Ruki got home with his heart full. He didn’t even remember most of what they talked about, he only remembered what it felt. And Ruki wasn’t sure what it was; the good conversation with Sho or the coffee, but that night it was very hard to sleep. After hours of just laying on his bed, it finally occurred to him that Sho wasn’t wearing the ring anymore. And that thought made him stay up until morning.