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“Bloody hell-“ Sirius gasped, he was strangling himself tying his tie too tightly but he didn’t seem to notice. “Oh fucking bloody shit hell.”
“What is the matter with you?” Remus hissed as he finished fastening his cuff links.
“I saw her-“ Sirius whispered, confidentially. His face had a greenish tint. “I saw Lily.”
Sirius then turned to James, brow bent, his posture upright. “She looks immaculate and if you screw this up at all, James, I will never forgive you. She’s perfect. She’s everything. I cannot believe she wants you.”
“I know-“ James replied, queasily. “I’d rather take a hundred bludgers to the face than mess this up.”
“You’re not going to mess it up! You’re going to be brilliant.” Peter cheered between shots of fire whisky.
“Peter is right and Padfoot-“ Remus called after Sirius, who was now frantically pacing. “You’re the Best Man, get yourself together. It’s not your wedding, mate.”
“This is as close as I’ll get!” Sirius said in mock anger, but his bright eyes and smile betrayed him.
“Hello!” You leaned through the entrance of the tent. James was disassociating too heavily to respond to you, but Sirius, Peter, and Remus all turned to look at you, eyes widening in unison.
Remus blushed as he took you in, his mouth parted as if he was about to say something but Sirius spoke first, “What the fucking bloody hell shit bloody hell.”
“...What’s wrong with him?” You demanded, looking to Remus. “Lily put us in charge of them! If he’s drunk we’re going to die.”
“That's not what this is about-“ Sirius raised up a finger defiantly, “You’ve always been a 10 to me love, but this is something else.” Sirius pointed up and down at you. You tried to stop yourself from looking flattered by rolling your eyes.
“He’s right though,” Peter laughed, “Nice to see you not covered in paint stains.”
“Oh and it’s nice to see you not covered in sweat stains!” You replied, grinning. Peter blushed, his smile widening for as long as it took him to pour himself another shot and raise his glass to you.
“James-“ You called wearily, waiting for him to turn and acknowledge you. “Do you know what time it is?”
James took in a deep breath, his massive shoulders falling up and then down as he composed himself. Finally he turned to look at you. “Blimey-“ he started, as if looking into blinding light, “You look brilliant.”
“James?” Remus hummed coyly, “What time is it?”
“Oh right!” James laughed, blushing as he smoothed out his robes for the final time. “My wedding!”
It was a very small celebration, but it was perfect. The forest glen that the ceremony was held in was ancient and undisturbed, secretive. It was called Heart’s Wood, as the rumor was wizards could only find it when truly in love. Something about it felt protected and safe from the outside world. Around the glen, small ponds rippled as flowers from the crab apple trees fell soundlessly. Hundreds of names were carved into smooth pond rocks that hugged the nearby water, magical couples who’d also came to this place to unite for centuries.
The grass was soft and bright, glittering under the midday sun. You wanted to take off your dress shoes and feel the earth against your skin, but it wasn’t the time. Right now, Remus was pulling Sirius, Peter and James from their silk white tent and doing his best to arrange them all at the base of a grand, flowering tree. Peter looked more self conscious than ever, Sirius was already fighting tears, and James looked as if he was struggling to remember how to breathe.
Euphimia and Fleamont Potter stood by, waiting for Lily to emerge from her tent. Euphimia was holding a photograph of Lily's parents, a gesture to represent their presence there.
It had only been a few months since James, Lily, Peter, Sirius and Remus had graduated from Hogwarts. The six you had left the school with the hope and confidence that only naivete can bring, as you all entered the wizarding world as adults amidst a war. Getting together was not as easy outside of Hogwarts' safe walls and after everyone graduated, you grappled with loneliness you had not prepared yourself for as you wondered when you'd see them all again.
You were not surprised that James and Lily were getting married. With how difficult it was to stay connected and safe, they had wasted no time to ensure that they had every right to be with one another.
Lily had briefly visited you to invite you. Her voice shook with happiness and excitement as she asked if you could come. "We wish we could invite everyone-" She had sighed, smiling still, "But it's just not safe." Now, as you looked at everyone together again you felt as if your heart would burst. Sirius and Remus grinned back at you, clearly just as excited as you to see everyone.
Behind you, you could hear Lily's tent slip open. Fleamont gasped beside you as Lily approached, dressed in pale silk robes decorated with glass beads. The embroidery caught the light of the midday sun, casting light back up into Lily's face and all around her. You felt tears well up in your eyes as her radiance. She smiled and pranced more than walked over, too excited to be calm.
As Lily came to stand beside James you had to hold back a laugh at the look on his face. You had never seen his eyes so wide, or his smile so wide.
You took a moment to yourself to focus on committing the moment to memory, since there was no telling how long it would be until you'd see them all again. You felt your heart flutter as you watched James and Lily vow themselves to each other, as the wind carried apple blossoms through the air and their names appeared on a stone beside them.
-X-
You woke up with oil paint dried beneath your fingernails and in your hair. Last night you had put the finishing touches on the last of the portraits, after having worked through many nights for the past several weeks. Remus had been busy too, organizing a relay-based final for the younger students. Between sprints of portrait painting and varnishing you had seen him collecting and keeping all manner of beast in his classroom, from Hinkypunks to Red Caps. The entire school felt busy, and after no finals the previous year, it seemed every professor wanted to put all they could into this year’s.
Like many recent mornings, Remus was already gone by the time you woke up. You stretched, moving to his side of the bed where you could push your face into his pillow and breathe in Remus’s scent. It felt so good to finally be done. You could take as long as you wanted with your morning, with your whole day. While all your materials were still unpacked, you could even start on Remus’ locket.
You and Remus hadn’t spoken much on what life could look like after you finished your work for Hogwarts, but you weren’t concerned. Both of you cared for each other, and for now, after so many years of hoping it wasn’t one sided, that was enough for you.
Finally pulling yourself out of bed, you dressed, sitting down at Remus’ desk to tie your shoes. The parchment he had taken from Harry sat on his desk, buried beneath essays on vampires. Biting your lip, you squinted at it, debating if you should let yourself take a closer look. Whatever it was had been created by Peter at the least, since you’d heard Snape read the name Wormtail from it. It was too much to resist.
Gently shaking the stack of essays off of it, you pulled the parchment loose and held it before you. Remus had said to Harry and Ron that it was a map, but for you it was blank. If you had to guess, Peter didn’t make a map on his own. Picking up your wand, you tapped the parchment lightly. “Show me!”
A wide smile spread across your face as words appeared on parchment.
Mr. Padfoot deeply enjoys your delicious attempts to access the secrets of this parchment. Perhaps if you spent more quality time with him, he would tell you how.
You laughed, rolling your eyes as Sirius’ tone perfectly came through the parchment. It sent a shock through you to see his handwriting again, the formal script Sirius had always been a bit embarrassed of.
Mr. Prongs verily agrees with Mr. Padfoot’s sentiments. The parchment continued.
Mr. Moony regrets that The Marauders didn’t have your talents for this project.
….The blank parchment project. Sirius’ handwriting returned.
You chuckled, reaching over to your bag you pulled out a pencil and draped it over the parchment, curious to see what would happen. Much like the charm you placed on the Fat Lady, your pencil’s lead was unable to meet the parchment.
Mr. Prongs is offended you didn’t think we’d plan for that.
Mr. Wormtail thought you were more clever than that.
Mr. Padfoot would like to remind you that we’d really enjoy keeping this parchment blank and pristine, thank you.
You chuckled, pocketing your wand, you carefully placed the parchment beneath the essays once more, and opened the door that separated Remus’ living quarters from his class room, taking the stairs down two at a time. Through the windows you could see the sun was already high in the sky. You hoped there was still something to eat at the Great Hall. You headed across the classroom, passing between shafts of light cast from the sun lit windows. You wouldn’t have noticed, as you reached the classroom door, that your shadow cast itself upon the wall except for the fact that there was another shadow beside yours.
You stopped abruptly, staring at the silhouette of the man beside your shadow. It wasn’t Remus’ but it looked familiar. You turned to look for the source towards the front of the classroom. Your eyes widened as you recognized Augustus Rookwood’s shadowy form staring at you with wand in hand. You gasped, jumping back as Rookwood took another step towards you.
The door to Remus’ classroom opened, making you jump again. Remus stepped through, surprised to see you standing in his classroom, he smiled brightly for a moment before reading the terrified expression on your face.
Remus took several steps closer to you, breathing your name, “What’s the ma-” He could see you staring at something behind him. Drawing himself up to his full height, Remus turned towards Rookwood, wand raised. For the briefest of moments, you had the rare chance to see Remus spare no worry over how imposing he could be.
“Oh.” Remus said as he laid eyes on Rookwood. “I see.” Looking over his shoulder he gave you a small smile. “It’s alright, it’s not him.”
You watched as Rookwood’s face twitched, his whole body began to contort into a distorted sphere, reshaping as a glistening full moon.
“Riddikulus!” Remus called as he waved his wand, turning the moon into a large pancake that flopped onto the floor with a wet slap. You stared at the pancake that had just been the Death Easter that destroyed your family.
“Now…” Remus said, groaning as he bent over to pick up the pancake and toss it back into an open wardrobe a few feet away. He turned to look at you. “Are you alright?”
“Better.” You breathed, walking up to him. Remus shut the door to the wardrobe. “It just caught me by surprise, I didn’t even think-”
“It’s okay.” Remus interrupted, reassuringly. “That’s what they are good at, after all.” Gently pinching your chin, Remus looked into your eyes for a long moment before lightly kissing your lips. A smirk came over Remus’ face as he pulled you out of the classroom, leading you to the Great Hall. “...Did I tell you what Neville Longbottom’s is?”
-X-
“Expecto Patronum!” You said, waving your wand up at the ceiling. The last several evenings, you couldn’t wait to go back into your room and practice your Patronus spell. You always had supper with Enid and Peter and tried to be polite about excusing yourself soon after you finished eating, but you couldn’t help notice that Peter often looked at you bitterly as you walked back to your room.
“Common!” You whispered to yourself, tapping your forehead with your wand. “Concentrate…”
It was a week before Lily, James, Peter, Sirius and Remus were going to graduate. At night, the sun only dipped just past the horizon, making the days blissfully long. Remus had occasionally spoken to how daunting he thought post graduation life would be, but he seemed particularly happy, particularly energized- despite the proximity to graduation as the days grew long and bright.
Remus chuckled as you grabbed his right hand and pushed it back down to the sketch pad on the table before the both of you. “I can’t do it!” He pleaded hoarsely.
Shaking with laughter you pushed the pencil back into his hand, “You can, now shut up and finish your drawing!”
Remus did his best to comply, holding the pencil to your sketch pad. He was sitting at your table in the Gardener's Cottage, as you stood behind him, holding onto the back of his chair for purchase as you shook with silent laughter.
With one last shaky flick of the pencil, Remus completed the worst drawing of a rat you had ever seen. You both burst into laughter as it sadly sprang to life on the page, moving around with its distorted limbs.
You closed the book in a desperate attempt to breathe again, as Remus laughed into his hands and you pushed your forehead against his shoulder, trying to keep from collapsing onto the floor.
He didn’t seem nervous about passing the last of his classes, so Remus had spent his last few weeks at Hogwarts outside with his friends during the days, and visiting you in the Gardener's Cottage at night. His skin was getting tan, freckles dappled his shoulders and nose. His scars became more apparent, brighter white against his sun warmed skin.
You had always appreciated your nights with Remus. Ever since the first night of your residency, he’d made an effort to be friendly and visit you during the evening. Even though you loved spending time with all of Remus’s friends, the evenings you two shared in the cottage felt special.
You were wheezing so hard with laughter at the rat abomination that your legs started to weaken. You moved to lean against the table and pulled yourself up to sit beside the closed sketchbook. With a final sigh, Remus’s hands fell away from his face, and landed on either side of your hips. The warmth of his hands spread soothingly over your skin, as the pads of his fingers pushed gently against you.
You looked down to him, blushing as Remus gazed up into your eyes, his own soft and bright with affection.
“Expecto Patronum!” You whispered again, trying to hold that moment in your mind. It was as if a shiver of delight wanted to go down your spine, but instead channeled itself through your hands and into your wand. Silver white light burst from the tip of your wand, illuminating your room as it floated about your hands before forming a sphere.
The sweet sweeping sensation you felt turned into serenity as your eyes adjusted to the brightness of your spell. You had done it. You grinned, reaching out towards your Patronus. The sphere danced around your hand, as it began to fill you with an even greater sense of calm, of safety and happiness.
“Right, so how does this work?” You mumbled to yourself. As you spoke it lit up softly, a triumphant excitement gripped you again as you held the spell gently in your hands and began to speak to it.
“Sirius, I knew I owed you a message as soon as I could figure this out! Peter helped me learn the spell. It’s been alright here, but I have to tell you that you were right, your letter has helped me more than anything else. Thank you so much for risking getting it to me. Try not to stress Remus out too much, I think he worries about you a lot. I hope you’re okay, I hope I-“ You stopped yourself from finishing the thought, ‘get to see you soon.’ as your dreaded how literally Sirius might interpret that and use it as an excuse to be reckless. You took a breath and considered what you wanted to say carefully. “I hope that I can repay you, someday.” With a sweep of your wand the patronus whirled off, through the window and into the dark sky.
You squeezed your eyes shut and tried to recall the memory, Remus’ hands against your hips, how it had seemed that he wanted to pull you closer to him.
“Expecto Patronum!” You gleefully whispered with a flick of your wand. Another orb formed from the magic your wand emitted. “Remus!” You call to your spell enthusiastically, “Peter taught me how! I hope now we speak a bit more, when it is possible. I am doing alright, grateful to have you all looking out for me. I just hope you feel the same way. It seems like we all miss each other and are worried about each other. Peter seems alright though! Not much has changed in him. Reply to me soon, if you can Remus. Take care!”
After sending off your second patronus, you fell back to lay flat on your bed, still smiling. You were so happy it had worked, even though just creating two had tired you out. You wondered how long it would take to hear back from anyone? You felt your heart grip as you thought of the memory that had worked for you. Peter had said that you needed something perfect. Something happy, something important and precious.
You had never been so close to Remus’ face before. You could see the tiny flecks of gold in his otherwise green eyes. The hairline scar that ran over his bottom lip.
That night, which felt so long ago now, made you regret that you hadn’t taken that moment to ask how Remus may have felt about you, or mention how you felt about him. You wondered what memories Sirius and Remus used for conjuring their patronuses, what did Peter use?
-X-
It had been three days since you’d sent off your first patronuses to Sirius and Remus. The night after, you had raced back to your room directly after dinner to send one to Lily and James. Now, instead of avoiding the wide window in your bedroom you enthusiastically looked through it, waiting to see if there was a patronus headed towards you.
“Do you remember when we graduated-” Peter started, giggling and leaning against the open doorway to your bedroom, “And Sirius was trying to crash our boat into Snapes?” He doubled over with laughter, shaking his head. “And Lily was trying to over correct our direction and we spun out and caused traffic during the ceremony?”
You smiled and nodded your head as you watched Peter laugh and fidget. He then looked past you at the window as you saw a bright silver light out of the corner of your eye. “Oh!” You exclaimed excitedly, “It looks like I got a message back!” You looked over to Peter, who’s smile was falling. “Give me a moment to listen alright?”
Peter looked surprised, his brow furrowed as he grabbed your door. “Right…” He mumbled, closing it behind him to leave you alone.
As you heard Peter walk away the orb sparked softly, you could hear Lily’s voice come from it. “I was so happy to hear how well you sounded in the message you sent me.” She began, “I am so, so proud of you for reaching out and focusing on something that has made you stronger and safer. You are… Ugh, I adore you! And I’m glad you’ve kept Peter in line.” She chuckled, there was a teasing dark tone to her laugh that made you grin. “I do have some news for you! The Order of the Phoenix, the name of our organized resistance, has managed to find where Rookwood is hiding and there are aurors following his movements. He’s not in pursuit of you from what we can tell. Which makes me happy, but please still be careful, please don’t go looking for him. I hope I get to see you soon, though, I have some news I want to tell you in person!”
The patronus faded in wispy tendrils of white smoke. You stood up from your bed, surprised to feel yourself smiling. You felt an energy well up inside you, like you suddenly wanted to run. Your bedroom door slid open and Peter peaked his head through.
He looked at you dejectedly, pouting. “So…” Peter started, letting the door swing fully open, “When do I get a patronus from you?”
“What do you mean?” You asked uneasily, “I’m staying here with you?”
“It just seems like it’s the only way you want to talk to people.”
You raised your eyebrows. Usually when Peter could tell he’d said something unfavorable he quickly shrank and became obsessively apologetic, but he stood his ground before you, maintaining his disappointed look. “To people?” You repeated, squinting at him critically. “Peter, if you’re upset about something you should just tell me plainly.”
“I’m not upset!” Peter almost interrupted with how quickly he replied. “You’re just… you’re just worrying me! There’s so much happening that you don’t understand!”
You felt yourself draw back from Peter, taken aback by his exasperation with you. It was unlike him to be so confrontational, so emotional… but all the same it wasn’t the first time it felt like Peter had tried to make you feel small. You were aware of how difficult it had been for individuals and organizations alike to grasp the scope of the war. And you, who was no auror, no ministry member, no healer, had even less awareness.
“That I don’t understand, but you do?” You fought to keep your voice low. The excitement, the desire to run around and move that you had just felt quickly turned into frustration and tenseness as you glared at Peter.
“Yes! No? You’re taking all of t-this wrong!” Peter’s eyes widened, his sullenness transformed to a panicked desperation before you as he took a step closer, closing the distance between him, you and the bed. “There’s so much we don’t know, all of us! But we do know that the other side is strong, and c-coordinated, and they are looking for us!”
You shook your head at him, frowning. “What does this have to do with you and I? What does that have to do with me talking to our friends?”
“Because you don’t appreciate that you’re here!” Peter whimpered, stamping his foot. “You don’t understand how good you have it! You want to be with Remus, or Sirius, or James and Lily, and you’re too thick to see there is no place better for you than right where you’re at!”
“You leave!” You growled back, voice raising, “You leave here all the time!”
“I leave to protect you both!” Peter shrieked, his face reddening, “It’s like mum said! I am the protector here! I said that I would keep you safe, I want to keep you safe! But you have to let me and for that to happen you have to stay here and you can’t just talk to everyone all the bloody time!”
You stared at Peter for a long moment, trying to focus on slowing the pace of your breath. Peter was also trying to calm down. “It’s not like I want to leave-“ Peter explained, his voice breaking. “It’s all rubbish out there, all awful.”
“Peter-“ You started, sitting on the side of your bed, you patted the spot next to you.
Peter obliged, pouting. He glanced at you, trying to gauge your temper before continuing. “I know it’s hard to take my word on it,” He paused while he considered his next words. One of his hands fidgeted intensely with a lower button on his shirt. “I don’t think we’re as strong as them, so we need to be really careful.”
Peter’s appraisal of the war sparked something defiant in you, pride that there was no way the Death Eaters could be as strong.
“At least-“ Peter began after seeing you frown at his last words, “More willing then us to go to any lengths to achieve their goal. We’re still responding in the confines of our Ministry, our laws but-“ Peter broke off, shaking his head and sighing, “-they’ll… destroy themselves trying to accomplish it. It’s unrelenting.”
It was the first time you’d seen Peter look as tired and severe as Remus. His leg bounced nervously off the side of your mattress, as he gazed into the space before him.
“I’m sorry that I've been distant, Peter.” You said after a long time. “I just have had such little energy and sending these messages was a good distraction from why I have so little energy, you know?”
Peter shrugged. “I don’t know, and I hope I never know how you feel right now.” He turned to look at you, smiling softly. His eyes were still full of fear, “And I am sorry that you’re having to deal with it.”
You struggled to sleep that night. It seemed that as soon as you were comfortable you brought yourself back awake by a sudden stressful thought or by fixating on ambient sounds around the house. You turned over and over, groaning with the monotony and wondering if dawn would ever appear, when you noticed you could hear Peter speaking from his room. His voice was hushed and urgent. Slowly, you rose to your door and pressed your ear against the sill.
“No!” Peter hissed, “No one here is awake, I assure you! Not that you’d have anything you be worried about from either of them anywa- Yes! Thank you all for that! I know it will help get everyone relaxed again.”
That was when you heard someone’s voice that you didn’t recognize say your name.
“Not a threat at all!” Peter continued, “Too preoccupied with the loss, I reckon. No, no use!”
You felt yourself cringe in a reactive pain to Peter’s words, who was he talking to? Who, outside of your friends, would be so interested in how you were doing? You began to feel panicked, but then your mind went blank- as if it had come to its natural limit for how much stress you could take. But you didn’t become overwhelmed with shakiness, or heart palpitations, or fear, instead you became fixated on the world outside your window. It felt as if you had just realized that there was nothing stopping you from leaving. Even if it was just for a little while… Peter may not even notice. The excitement that you felt after Lily’s message sparked in you again and, grabbing your wand, you pocketed your few possessions while trying to not listen in on Peter.
You looked around the small, dark bedroom that had been your whole world for several weeks. It felt over, it felt done. For the first time in a month not knowing what was going to happen to you didn’t feel threatening. With a flick of your wand you apparatted and watched as the world bended around you before unwrinkling itself and setting you down hard onto a barstool in the dimly lit Leaky Cauldron.
The bar was largely empty as most wizarding kind avoided popular, public places now. You gave yourself a moment to breathe before looking around. You were surprised to find that the Leaky Cauldron felt the same as it always had, still dingy and pleasant. The bartender nodded to you wearily.
“Alright?” They asked while straightening bottles.
“Um… Butterbeer, please.” You replied. You wondered if you would ever be able to get used to how it was possible to peacefully sit in a public bar late at night while a war was being waged. As the bartender slid your Butterbeer over, you heard another person apparate in. Taking a sip, you looked around and choked as you thought you saw Albus Dumbledore apparate into the Leaky Cauldron.
“Hello again Aberforth!” The bartender greeted with a sense of relief.
“Hello Tom.” Aberforth replied, sitting down two seats away from you. You tried to get a better look at Aberforth from your periphery while he gave his order. But there was no need for subtlety, as soon as Aberforth’s fingers touched his glass of Fire Whiskey he turned to you.
“You’re not familiar.” He stated, his voice seemed naturally loud, brazen.
“No-” You replied, glancing at him, “I wouldn’t be.”
Aberforth and Tom exchanged a glance before Aberforth pressed on. “Well if you’re not much for pubs it seems like an awfully strange time to break habit.”
You felt your stomach sink, maybe leaving Peter’s home had been the wrong choice. Perhaps Peter had been right, you thought as you gripped your wand inside the pocket of your robes, maybe you weren’t a threat, no one to fear, no one to notice. A long silence developed as you tried to think of a reply, but before you could Aberforth started to talk to the bartender again.
“Long day, Sir?” Tom asked as Aberforth massaged his brow.
“The Order is just-” Aberforth sighed into his glass as he took a long sip of whiskey, “scrambling.”
“The Order?” You asked, perking up. Aberforth and Tom turned to look at you with incredulous faces.
“Are you forgien?” Tom asked, their tone more kind than Aberforth’s. You thought you could see Aberforth reaching for his wand, so you quickly replied.
“I have friends in the Order! They helped me.”
“Oh?” Aberforth indulged.
“It’s just as you said-” You started, letting go of your wand to sip your Butterbeer, “...they are scrambling, I can see them beginning to doubt and become suspicious, even of each other. Which-” You shook your head, “I never thought I’d see.”
Aberforth nodded soberly, “It’s a problem… and it’s exactly what they want.” He cursed under his breath as he took another large sip of whiskey. “Who are your friends?”
Your eyes widened as Aberforth looked at you expectantly. You shook your head.
“Very good.” Aberforth laughed, though his tone was still bitter.
Finishing your glass, you left two sickles on the bar for Tom and ran your hands over your face. You were going to have to start making plans on how to keep safe, where you could live, what you could do to help The Order and your friends. You could feel Aberforth watch you, his own posture softening a bit.
“What is it that you do?” He asked, waiving to Tom for another Fire Whiskey.
“I’m a painter.” You replied bracing for ridicule, but all Aberforth did was shrug.
“I’ll tell them.” He grumbled, “I’ll tell them that you’re alright… or at least that you were as of this night.”
You swallowed dryly, trying to keep any stress you felt from showing. It was probably better this way… if the Death Eaters decided to hunt you down you’d be protecting Peter by giving him and the rest of your friends as little information as possible. That’s probably how all your friends started thinking, you realized, but you wouldn’t let yourself find doubt in your friends. You could feel Aberforth watch you, as your thoughts spiraled with what to do.
“Oi-” Aberforth lifted his hand near your face and snapped, grabbing your attention. “It’s done, Painter. You’ve made the decision. No use wondering if it was the right one. Now go on and sort yourself out and-” He gave you a lopsided grin, “If you ever don’t know where to turn again, try the Hog’s Head Tavern… I might have use of you there.”
-X-
You opened your eyes to complete darkness. It took you a moment to remember where you were. Lily groaned, stirring by your side as you pushed yourself to sit up. You and Lily had been helping younger students study for finals late into the night, and fell asleep on the couch together. As your eyes adjusted to the dark you could see the dimmest glow of embers in the fireplace and a full, golden moon shining outside the tower windows.
You carefully untangled yourself from Lily, the blankets you had been sharing, and collected your things. It was probably best for you to not be discovered in the Gryffindor Tower by the morning- you enjoyed being at Hogwarts too much to break the rules so transparently.
As quietly as you could, you crept through the hole that led to the exit, and made your way outside. You had memorized the way out of the castle from Gryffindor Tower in the dark, so as to not endanger yourself of being caught by staff. It was always a relief once you reached the outdoors- no more changing staircases or poltergeists to worry about- the only thing you had to keep your eye on was the forest, and that had never given you any trouble.
The full moon was so bright that it was easy to see your way home. The gardener’s cottage was glowing faintly in the distance with the small fire you’d left burning. You took a moment to stop and stare up into the sky, the warmth of the summer air caused the stars above to twinkle brilliantly, freckling the night with points of golden light. You were going to miss Hogwarts so, so much.
To your right, a large crack echoed from the direction of the forbidden forest. It sounded as if a tree had been snapped apart. You pivoted to the sound’s direction, holding up your wand. You could only see a few feet into the forest with how densely the trees grew. “Lumos!” You whispered, straining your eyes. Your wand sparked to life as it cast a beam of white light into the forest. There was a young broken tree with a shadowy mass just behind it. You squinted, trying to make sense of what you were looking at and raised your wand up higher.
A pair of eyes as bright and yellow as the moon shown back at you. It growled, pushing the leaves around its face with its strong breath.
“What…” You whispered, incredulously, too shocked to fully react.
The creature took several paces towards you, becoming easier to see in the light of your wand- a gigantic wolf with horrible, enormous scars that interrupted its otherwise pitch black fur. The wolf lowered its head, continuing to stare into your eyes as it began to stalk towards you.
You wanted to move but you were afraid that if you did the wolf would leap towards you. You held your breath, wand gripped loosely in your shaking hand as your mind raced in panic.
You flinched as you heard another ear ringing crack, closing your eyes and wincing away from the wolf. A growl so low it rattled the ground beneath you echoed through the trees, and when you peaked your eyes open a large, black dog was in front of you, pushing itself between you and the wolf. With a swish of its tail the dog pushed you further away as it kept its eyes trained on the wolf.
The wolf blinked several times, its expression switching between predatory and playful as it struggled to decide who to pursue. Panic finally gave way and you were able to push yourself away from the scene, stepping backwards to keep an eye on the wolf. The trees to your right rattled as a third enormous animal leapt forward, an unusually large stag. It bucked its antlers at the wolf, pushing the creature further into the forest.
Instinct overtook you, and you began to run as fast as you could back to your cottage. You could hear the growls even as you placed a hand on your door, waiting for your rabbit ring to unlock it. You fell to your bed and pushed your face into your pillow, trying to focus on your breath. Your mind reeled as it attempted to process what you’d just seen, what you had just narrowly survived. A wave of exhaustion overtook you as you finally came to understand that you were now safe. Untangling yourself from your bag, you pulled your sketchbook up on your bed and flipped through some of the pages. Finding an empty page, you quickly sketched an impression of what had just happened, shaking your head incredulously as you documented it. Your eyelids grew heavy, as you thought of telling your friends about it the next morning. You didn’t notice that you had dropped your pencil, or that you were using your sketchbook as a pillow, as you quickly fell into a deep sleep.
You woke up the next morning with your sketchbook still beside you. If it wasn’t for the drawing you had done, you would have second guessed the events of the previous night. Packing up your sketchbook you got dressed and headed for the Great Hall, staring through the trees of the Forbidden Forest as you walked past.
Seeing your friends at their usual spot at the Gryffindor benches, you took a seat between Lily and Peter, across from Sirius and Remus. “Morning!” You started cheerfully, smiling at everyone.
“Morning.” Remus muttered as Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus’ shoulder. The smile fell from your face as you looked at Remus and saw how exhausted he looked, how angry he looked.
James cleared his throat, “Toast?” He asked you, handing over a plate. You accepted, your eyes flickered over to Sirius, who shook his head at you as if to encourage you to not worry.
You frowned down at your plate as your friends continued to eat their breakfast in an unfamiliar silence. You quietly began to eat, noticing how tired Remus, Sirius, Peter and James seemed. Remus in particular, looked feverish and Sirius kept putting more food on his plate, encouraging him to have more water. You’d seen Remus like this at breakfasts before, but usually he was appreciative if not tolerant of Sirius’ doting, but today he looked like he didn’t want to be there at all.
“More sausage, Prongs?” Peter asked as he grabbed one for himself. “Moony?”
You frowned, continuing to look down as you considered the nicknames you’d heard your friends use since you had met them. Padfoot, Prongs, Moony and Wormtail… you hadn’t understood why that was what they called each other but you’d never thought about it too much. After last night however, the names seemed too coincidental.
You stayed behind as all the students finished and headed to their classes, still staring down at your plate, wondering if you were right. It was a wild suspicion to come to, but if anyone was going to pull off becoming animals to keep their lycanthrophic friend company, it would be your friends. And, was there a better explanation for what you had seen?
You heard someone call your name, you looked up to see Remus coming back into the Great Hall. Standing up, you lifted your legs over the bench and started to walk to meet him halfway. Remus parted his lips to speak, but before he could manage a word you threw your arms around him and hugged him tightly.
At first, Remus’ became tense, gesturing as if he was going to push you away, but instead he hugged you back, just as tight. You were surprised to feel yourself smiling against his shoulder, self conscious that he might be able to feel how strongly your heart was beating through your chest. “Remus-” You started, voice low, “I need you to know- that I don’t expect- You do not owe me an explanation. You don’t owe me anything.”
“I am just so relieved-“ He mumbled into your hair. You could feel his hands shaking against you. “-that you’re alright. I am so stupid.”
“Hey…” You cooed, shaking your head, “Don’t talk about my friend like that. He’s a favorite of mine, one of the best.” You felt Remus shudder against you, your shirt became wet with his tears. You squeezed your eyes closed to stop your own tears, as Remus sighed against your neck.
“Why did I do this in the Great Hall of all places.” He groaned.
“My friend has a talent for timing and really setting a scene.”
“God-“ Remus barked a laugh, pulling away from you to wipe his eyes in the crook of his elbow. He shook his head, smiling at you, eyes red and puffy. It was true, you thought as you took Remus’ hand in yours and pulled him outside, he didn’t owe you anything. Not plans, not explanations, not even an apology.
You watched as Remus stepped into the sunlight as you both exited the castle, drawing in deep, long breaths. Your eyes met again and again, as if Remus was checking to see if the conviction he’d heard in your voice was gone. “I am trusting you,” Remus said in a hushed tone, pulling you into another embrace, “though… I don’t know how.”
-X-
With finals being next week, Hogwarts had become quiet and tense. The evenings at the faculty lounge was one of your favorite times to be there, as quite a few professors gathered after supper to work and vent about the day. You were quietly sketching Minerva while she spoke to Severus and Remus when Professor Flitwick approached you, smiling.
“Evening!” He said brightly.
“Oh good evening Professor Flitwick!” You smiled, setting down your sketchpad.
“Dumbledore wanted me to tell you that we have reserved a classroom for you on the bottom floor. I can show you any time you like!”
“A classroom?” You asked, tilting your head. Flitwick scrunched his face at you in confusion.
“For the showing?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Oh Albus-“ You heard Minerva groan as she listened in, “Didn’t he tell you?”
“I don’t believe so?” You shrugged, looking between her and Flitwick.
“You’re supposed to put all your work up as an exhibit!” Flitwick explained excitedly.
“We thought it might be enriching for the students.” Minerva added.
You felt yourself blush, flattered that the faculty would want to highlight your efforts. Remus continued on with his grading, smiling all too innocently.
They had offered to get Filch to help you hang up all the paintings, but you wanted to do it yourself and take your time placing each portrait beside others that worked best. It was odd to have all of your paintings delicately stacked together on the side of the room, it really helped you see how many you’d made.
Now that there was going to be a reception of your work, you were a bit nervous. Hopefully every faculty member liked their portrait, and the students wouldn’t find anything to laugh at. You were particularly concerned about Filch’s portrait, though Mrs. Norris moved around in the painting normally, Flich still seemed frozen to the spot. You decided to put his painting in a darker corner, and hoped the students wouldn’t notice it.
Pride of place was the center wall that you immediately saw as you walked into the room. There, you placed Dumbledore and Faux’s portrait with McGonagall’s to its left and Hagrid to it’s right. “Sorry!” You said, looking down at the portrait of Snape you held in your arms. “You’re going to go next to McGonagall so she can keep an eye on you.” Snape’s painting rolled its eyes at you haughtily, but made no complaints.
As you continued to put up paintings, you balanced Remus’ portrait against the wall beside you. You hadn’t used Perle or Phosphen on any other portrait and you were curious to see if it made any noticeable difference beside other portraits.
“Looks like you’ve completed it!” Remus’s painting congratulated, “All of them. How wonderful.”
“You’re in a good mood.” You replied, raising your eyebrows at his portrait as you picked up Professor Sprouts and began to hang it on the wall.
“It was a lot of work that you’ve accomplished. You should be proud.”
“I am!” You grin, grabbing Madam Hooch’s portrait next, “Though now I’m trying to guess what the students will make fun of…”
“Just Filch’s.” Remus’ portrait grinned and ignored a piercing glare from Mrs. Norris.
You left Remus’ portrait for last. It was very late by the time you finally picked up his painting to mount it on a wall. “Let’s see…” You thought aloud as you held his painting in your hands, as the golden light of the setting sun glowed softly from it. “I don’t usually want to keep my own work but,” You smiled down at the portrait, “I kind of want to steal you.”
The painting laughed, “You have the real thing!”
“Oh?” You grinned, finding an inconspicuous corner you hoped would counterbalance how much more developed Remus’ painting was than everyone else's. “I have him do I?” Remus’s portrait smirked at you testily, unwilling to respond.
“It’s a little strange,” You mumbled, looking around the room. “I feel like I’m saying goodbye tonight, though I’m not leaving just yet.” There was a sinking feeling in your chest at the thought. Turning back to Remus’ portrait, you asked, “Since this is the last time we’re going to have a private conversation…”
“Yes?” The painting encouraged.
You stopped yourself. You knew you couldn’t rely on paintings like you could the real person but- “Damn it.” You breathed, running your hands over your face.
“Just ask.” Remus’s portrait laughed, “There has to be some perk to being able to create paintings like this. The worst that’ll happen is that I’m wrong.”
You frowned, bouncing on your feet anxiously as you debated whether or not you should. Remus’s painting waited patiently, watching you with calm, sunlit eyes.
“I love you?”