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Shotaro couldn't see anything. He wandered, trying to find something, anything. Finally, after what he thought was forever, he saw lights up ahead. He sprinted towards them, seeing a familiar figure outlined in them. He could make out Taeyong's face under the harsh lighting, his beautiful features twisted in disgust.
"I can't believe SM really let you debut with us. You're nowhere near good enough. Just leave NCT. Not like anyone would notice if you were gone."
The figure shifted into Yuta. "When I said I wanted someone else Japanese in NCT, I didn't mean you. I was never ashamed of being from Japan before I met you. Go back to TikTok. See how few of your followers actually care. I bet I could count the number with one hand."
Yuta suddenly became Sungchan. "Out of everyone I could have debuted with, it had to be you. Resonance flopped because of you. Just go kill yourself already. Putting up with you is such a goddamn hassle, no wonder why you're the least popular member."
The shadow kept flipping through each member, slowly getting more violent with Shotaro. It started with a simple push from Dejun and ended with Johnny standing over him as Shotaro struggled to breathe. The world was spinning, swaying underneath him. Oxygen refused to fill his lungs.
The figure changed from Johnny's laughing form to Sungchan's again. Suddenly, they weren't under a fluorescent light in a dark room. They were by a busy road in the city, known for car accidents. Sungchan was standing in the middle of the road, in the path of an approaching car. Shotaro tried to run forward, to scream at him to move, but nothing happened. The car hit him. Finally, Shotaro's legs worked. He sprinted over to Sungchan's side, sobbing loudly. Sungchan shoved him away.
"Get...get the fuck away from me..." Sungchan hissed at him. He went limp, and Shotaro couldn't feel a pulse. Shotaro just sat there, sobbing, when he heard footsteps. The other members of NCT were standing behind him, disgust and fear painted on their faces.
"What the fuck did you do to Sungchan!?! Get the hell away from him!! Why can't you do anything right?" Jungwoo screamed. Shotaro couldn't do anything. His best friend was dead, and the blood was on his hands. He'd be thrown into jail, kicked out of NCT, abandoned by his family. Goddamnit, why couldn't he do anything right? His hands were clawing desperately at his arms as Shotaro ran. Someone was chasing after him.
Fuck, he didn't know what to do. What could he even try? He tripped and fell down, surrendering. Before he could figure out who was chasing him, he woke up with a scream.
The electric numbers on the clock glared at Sungchan. 3:27 AM. Thank god they had that day off, he didn't know if he would be able to survive another night with no sleep. He laid down on the couch, hoping a slight change of scenery would help. It seemed to be working. Sungchan had almost beaten his bout of insomnia when he heard a scream. In a second, he was by Shotaro's room, struggling with the locked door. Loud sobs were coming from the other side, and he couldn't imagine what happened to his best friend. 'He's more than that, and you know it. Best friends don't want to kiss the other,' a voice in his head whispered, but he quieted it.
"Taro? Taro! Please, let me in! Shotaro?" He shouted through the door. A gasp was heard on the other side, and the sobs became more muffled.
Where was the key to Shotaro's room? Where had he set the spare? The bulletin board, right? Sungchan thought as he went to find it. There, sitting in front of their bulletin board, was the spare key.
He finally opened up the door to Shotaro's room.
The boy was folded up into a small ball, shaking like a leaf as he sobbed. He was hyperventilating, his breaths shallow and uneven. His arms were scratched up, nails raking up and down them. His hair was standing up like a bird's nest. Tightly in his arms was the otter stuffed animal Sungchan had given him for Christmas that year.
"Taro? Can I touch you, sweetheart?" The pet name slipped out, and Sungchan froze, praying he hadn't made him uncomfortable. Shotaro just nodded ever-so-slightly, not reacting to the nickname at all. Sungchan wrapped his arms around him, pulling his hands into his own. "Taro, can you try to breathe with me?"
"I ca-I can't-"
"I believe in you, sweetheart. You can. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8." Shotaro tried a few times before he finally managed to breathe correctly. Slowly but surely, he started taking full, even breaths.
Shotaro could finally make out Sungchan's quiet murmurs of reassurance once his breathing slowed. He moved to wrap his arms around Sungchan, wincing when he rubbed against the new scratches on his arm. Sungchan's face softened when he processed the blood on Shotaro's arms.
"Here, let me help you up. We should get those bandaged. Do you think you can stand, sweetheart?" Shotaro nodded, but his knees buckled when he did. Sungchan dipped to catch him and ended up carrying him to the living room. He gently deposited the smaller boy on the floor as he went to grab a first aid kit. For once, he thanked Taeyong for making them keep a few of them around.
When he came back, Shotaro was playing quiet music from his phone. "I'm sorry about...that." he mumbled. "I shouldn't have woken you up." His hands fell into his lap.
"Bullshit. I was still awake, and you needed help. Would you mind telling me what happened, though?" Sungchan asked as he started to wash the dried blood off his arms, Shotaro wincing under his gentle touch.
They sat for a few minutes before he whispered an answer. "Nightmare."
"Do you want to talk about what happened in it?"
"Just-" he took a rattling breath, his voice unstable, "I was alone in a dark hallway. I saw Taeyong and went to ask him for help. He started yelling at me, but then he was Yuta, and then Yuta was you, and-" His voice slowly got louder as he spoke. "it kept- it kept going through every member, screaming about how I shouldn't- I shouldn't have have debuted and should just die. Th-They started pushing me around as they yelled at me."
"Oh, Taro, baby, I'm sorry. You know that's not true, right? We're all so proud of you. We wouldn't hurt you."
He sniffled. "That-That wasn't the worst part of it. Somehow we were by a busy road. You-you were just standing there, in the middle of the street. There was a car coming. I-I tried to push you out of the way, but I couldn't fucking move and- " his voice fell to a near-silent whisper. Sungchan was straining to hear him. "You died. You died, and I couldn't do anything about it. There-There was so- there was so much blood," Shotaro was starting to cry again as Sungchan finished bandaging his arms.
Sungchan made an impulsive choice and pulled him into a hug. "I'm right here, Taro? I'm alive and breathing. It wasn't real. They don't hate you. I'm okay." Shotaro was clinging to him, nodding with his face buried in his shoulder. He was shaking again, but less than earlier. He was content to just run his fingers through his hair and whisper reassurances to him near silently. They stayed there for a while. Clichè as it was, they truly lost track of time. They could have been sat there for twelve minutes or twelve hours and it would have felt the same. Finally, someone spoke.
"Thank you..." Shotaro mumbled quietly.
"No problem. Do you want to go back to sleep? I'll be there next to you, if you want."
"That-That sounds nice."
As the pair stumbled back to bed, Sungchan could feel Shotaro relaxing under his touch. The otter plushie from earlier laid discarded on the floor, but he picked it up and threw it gently on his bed. As Shotaro curled up underneath his weighted blanket, stuffed animal in hand, Sungchan started moving to his bed. Before he could, Shotaro called out.
"Wait! Stay- stay with me. Please."
Sungchan smiled in the dark. "I will. Just give me a moment," he said, flicking off the lights.
As he slipped under the blankets, he felt Shotaro's warm hands take his. The two stared into each other's eyes for a minute before Sungchan pressed a quick kiss to Shotaro's forehead. Sungchan felt him move closer to him before pressing a kiss to his cheek. Right before the pair fell asleep, Shotaro whispered quietly into the empty room, not expecting a response. To his surprise, he got one.
"I love you, Sungchannie."
"I love you too, Taro." Then more quietly, "Would you maybe want to be my boyfriend?"
"Hm?"
"Nothing, I'll ask you in the morning. Goodnight."
"G'night"