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Sungchan couldn't sleep. It had been almost a week since he got a decent night of sleep. He felt like he was constantly on the edge of passing out during the day. Still, whenever night came, he felt wide awake. The last time he could recall sleeping for more than an hour or two was when Shotaro had a nightmare the week before. He pretended he didn't know why, but the voice in his head spoke up. Be quiet. You know why you slept well then. You slept well because Shotaro was next to you. You love him, so just ask him to cuddle with you.
"Shut-shut up." Sungchan mumbled aloud, pulling a blanket around his shoulders. There was no way he would annoy Shotaro with this. He was struggling even more than Sungchan. He didn't need any more on his plate.
After all, he's fine.
Right?
He's not.
He glanced at his phone screen in the darkness. 4:17 AM. He was supposed to be up by eight that morning. Or was that tomorrow? What day even was it? Days were blending together. The music video shoot was next week, not tomorrow. Was it? He couldn't remember anything about his schedule. His mind was foggy, any details about what he was supposed to do unclear.
Maybe Sungchan wasn't okay.
His eyes were blurry. He tiredly reached up to move his hair out of his eyes, surprised when they came back damp. He was crying. When did he start crying? Why couldn't he just sleep? Maybe he should wake up Shotaro. He'd be okay with it... right? No, he shouldn't bother him with this. Shotaro needed sleep even more than he did.
Sungchan stumbled to the bathroom, glass in hand. He wanted to splash himself with cold water a few times, just to regain composure. It didn't work. The water was boiling hot, and he hissed as he made contact with it. He filled his glass to the brim with hot water, too exhausted to realize. After he took a sip, he gagged and poured it out, flicking on the lights.
Sungchan regretted that choice.
His glass slipped out of his hand. He was too pale, eyes standing out because of the dark semicircles under them. His hair was damp with sweat, and he was shaking. Tear tracks stained his cheeks. He didn't look like himself.
As the glass shattered on the ground, he was brought back to reality. He bent down to pick up the pieces of glass, but his hand was shaking too much. He sliced his palm on a sharp edge, crying out as he dropped the shard.
His teeth latched onto his fingers, stifling his sobs. He sunk to the floor. Why was he being so useless? He couldn't even clean up a mess he made. His cries grew louder, too out of it to notice the door opening.
"Sungchannie?"
Shotaro didn't know why he was awake. Sure, he had the day off tomorrow, but he needed to sleep soon.
And yet, he couldn't bring himself to.
Whenever he closed his eyes, nightmarish images from the previous nights made themselves known. Sungchan's presence had been insanely helpful, but nightmares still happened almost daily. Sungchan needed sleep, and Shotaro didn't want to wake him up with his screaming again.
He scrolled through his phone, trying to kill time. Something felt off, but he couldn't tell what. As he scrolled through Tumblr, paranoia began growing in the back of his mind. Something's wrong, the voice in his head hissed. Where's Sungchan? It's 4:17. He needs to sleep. He shut off his phone, pulling the blanket up to his shoulders.
A few minutes passed with no sign of Sungchan. Shotaro made a snap decision and turned on his phone flashlight. He began to move towards the door, reaching for the handle when he froze. The sound of broken glass echoed throughout the room, followed shortly by a small cry. Did somebody break in? Did they hurt Sungchan? Fuck, where was Sungchan?
Shotaro grabbed the closest object he could use as a weapon- a heavy textbook- and opened the door. The lights in the living room and bathroom were on, but nobody was in the living room. As he crept down the hallway to the bathroom, he could hear cries slowly becoming louder.
Finally, he opened up the door to the bathroom. He dropped his book when he saw what was inside. Sungchan was crying, trembling like a leaf. His hand was bleeding from a deep cut on his hand, broken glass scattered on the floor. He was biting down, hard, on his uninjured hand. When he met his eyes, the circles under them were the darkest he had seen.
"Sungchannie?"
Shotaro's brain went into overdrive as he knelt in front of the younger boy, wincing because of the glass. "Darling? Can you look at me? Channie?"
Sungchan glanced up at him before he crashed into Shotaro, crying into his chest. He curled into himself to fit in comfortably his arms, cries eventually slowing.
"It's okay, darling. I've got you. Let's move from here, okay? Does the dining room sound okay?"
Sungchan nodded, not looking up from Shotaro's chest. He was lighter than he should have been when he picked him up. When did he last eat a full meal? He'd have to make him something to eat the next morning.
They sat at their table, Shotaro bandaging Sungchan's hands and his knees. They sat in near silence, except for quiet sniffles and soft humming.
As Shotaro finished wrapping Sungchan's hand, he asked Sungchan a question he had been anticipating the whole time.
"Sungie? What happened?"
Sungie. He loved hen Shotaro called him Sungie. It made him feel warm and safe, but he shook his head. Get it together, Sungchan. Explain and then ask him out, you dumb bitch.
"Couldn't sleep again. Went to get some water and dropped my glass. Guess-Guess it was kinda my breaking point. Heh, breaking point." Sungchan said, chuckling at his joke. "Accidentally cut up my hand trying to clean it up and made it worse."
Shotaro gently brushed a thumb under his eye, frowning at how cold he felt. "Darling, when was the last time you slept well?"
"About a week ago."
Shotaro's hand fell. "Sungie-"
"I know, I know, it's unhealthy. I just can't fall asleep, no matter how exhausted I am." He sighed, afraid to meet his eyes.
"Anything I could do to help?"
Sungchan wasn't expecting that. A few moments passed, and he cautiously looked up, and his gaze was met with nothing but worry and affection. Shotaro had taken both his hands in his own, holding them like they were the most valuable things in the world.
His voice faltered. "Channie? Do you want to be left alone?"
"No- no. Stay-Stay with me. Please. Just- stay with me for tonight. That's all." Sungchan rushed out, his thoughts half-assembled.
Shotaro smiled slightly. "Go lie down, Sungie, I'll be there in a minute or two, I'm going to clean up the glass." He said, kissing him on the forehead as he helped him up and into bed. He snuggled underneath his weighted blanket. It technically belonged to Shotaro, but they shared it so often neither could really remember.
True to his word, Shotaro slipped underneath the covers a few minutes later, wrapping his arms around Sungchan. "Is this alright?"
Sungchan wanted to sob. Fucking hell, he didn't think just being held would be this nice.
"Ye-yeah. It's- it's really nice." He took a shuddering breath, fighting with himself in his head.
Tell Shotaro you love him as more than friends.
Don't fucking do it. You'll ruin your friendship.
You need to tell him eventually.
No, I don't. I can let it die out.
As if it ever could. Tell Shotaro you want to date him.
We don't even know if he likes boys.
Sometimes you have to take a risk. Do it.
Don't you fucking dare,
"Channie, I can hear you thinking from here. What's up?" Shotaro murmured.
It's now or never, Sungchan.
"Can-can I tell you something?" He mumbled nervously. Shotaro turned over to face him.
Sungchan sighed before making what might be the biggest mistake of his life. "I-I love you, as more than friends. Romantically. If you don't want to be friends after this, I-" his voice broke. "I understand- I'll completely leave if you want m-"
Shotaro cut him off before he could spiral out of control. "I love you too, Channie. As more than friends, too."
Sungchan wasn't expecting that, but he recovered relatively quickly, all the anxiety leaving his body slowly. "Would you maybe want to try being boyfriends, then?"
"Yeah. I love you a lot. I'll take you on a date tomorrow evening. You deserve it." He replied quietly, brainstorming ideas for it.
"Only if I get to take you out on one next week." Sungchan hummed sleepily, glad he didn't hate him.
Shotaro smiled in the dark, glad his friend, no, his boyfriend, both loved him back and was getting some sleep.
"Goodnight, dearest."
"Goodnight, sweetheart."