Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Don’t go too far!”

Atsumu had never been too fond of the ocean — a vast beauty with pits unventured and too unknown.

His mom would always remind them not to go too far. His dad would always fuss about how the twins should always wear their safety vests. His grandmother would always just watch them while keeping herself warm under the shawl she knitted.

Atsumu had never been too fond of the ocean, especially after almost drowning because of his defective safety vest. To say that it was scary was such an understatement. Despite all the precautions he took, despite not wandering too far off and towards the deeper part of the body of water — Atsumu still got swept away by the waves and almost drowned.

Atsumu learned not to go too far, so Atsumu started to play by the beach. Atsumu learned to be content just by walking down the shoreline; enjoying the lightest touch of waves; enjoying the sea breeze and the heat of the sun; enjoying the touch of the ocean without the risk of drowning, the risk of getting hurt, the risk of losing himself in the depths hidden behind the majestic blue dazzled by the sunlight.

Yet, Miya Atsumu still found himself drowning in the depths of one Sakusa Kiyoomi — a vast beauty with pits unventured and too unknown.

—

“If you have time to dilly-dally your ass then you have time to brush your teeth,” Kiyoomi said as he stood in the doorway of Atsumu’s en-suite bathroom with his arms crossed against his chest, his black robe already covering his body, his soft curls perfectly dried after a shower, his lips already tainted with the lip balm Atsumu got for him, and his cheeks almost glowing from the sunlight slipping through the gaps made by the curtains.

It should be considered as a sin to be that beautiful early in the morning.

“Aww, ‘ya didn’t leave before I woke up, Omi! That’s touching!” Atsumu teased as he propped his elbows on the bed to sit up. Before Atsumu could even get off the bed, Kiyoomi suddenly threw a clean white robe towards his face.

“I’ll leave in ten minutes. Bokuto won’t shut up if he sees us going to practice together again,” Kiyoomi muttered before he rolled his eyes, seemingly tired by just imagining Bokuto trying to interrogate him once again.

“I feel ‘ya. Bokkun probably stopped pestering ‘ya, but he still won’t stop askin’ me if there’s somethin’ goin’ on between us.” Atsumu tied his robe in front and started to head towards his en-suite bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face.

“Just tell him there’s nothing,” Kiyoomi answered as he took his steps towards his bag to change into his practice clothes. Atsumu tried to hide the pang of pain on his chest behind a soft chuckle. He started to busy himself with his morning routine so he at least had a reason not to reply to Kiyoomi’s remarks. He at least had a reason not to smile. He at least had a reason not to say any bitter response lest he make all of his troubles any more conspicuous.

After all, it was the truth. There was nothing going on between them. Friday nights were nothing but an experimental result of two adults with no time for relationships, and an available friend by their side who’s willing to help them ease their pent-up sexual frustrations.

“I thought ‘ya already knew not to go too far.”

Those were the words Osamu told him after he admitted what was happening between him and Kiyoomi. Apparently, if falling in love with your best friend wasn’t diving too deep into an unventured expanse, then asking that same best friend to get into a friends-with-benefits arrangement with you really was.

“I’m gonna go. I ordered Thai for breakfast. Just reheat it if you want,” Kiyoomi said in his as-a-matter-of-fact voice.

“Aww. Did you finally fall in love with me, Omi-kun?” Atsumu responded with another taunt, another annoying remark which would make Kiyoomi hate him even more. Atsumu joshed Kiyoomi almost as regularly as Kiyoomi used his hand sanitizer — because if he wouldn’t, then how else was he supposed to keep the unnecessary feelings tucked away and hidden behind the pretense of being Kiyoomi’s best friend?

Kiyoomi glared at him and Atsumu felt the imaginary daggers heading his way. The raven rolled his eyes at the blonde before he wore his mask and finally made his way outside the room. For a few seconds there was only silence, until the sound of the front door closing echoed throughout the entire flat. Atsumu heaved a sigh as the solitude of being alone in the flat finally permeated through him.

“Of course, you didn’t,” Atsumu muttered to himself as he stared at his own reflection in the mirror. The setter closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.

The lingering scent of Kiyoomi’s body wash provided him with some form of comfort, with a semblance of warmth close enough to an embrace. The lingering scent of honey and lemon provided him with memories of affection which he was only ever allowed to receive every Friday night — guised under touches and kisses which never ceased to make him shiver. The lingering scent of that cologne provided him with some sort of ecstasy, an addiction he wasn’t really prepared to give up — no, not yet, maybe never.

“Of course, you didn’t,” Atsumu muttered once again, this time as a reminder.

Of course, Kiyoomi did not fall in love with him, because if he did, then Kiyoomi wouldn’t be waiting for Atsumu to wake up in the morning. Kiyoomi wouldn’t be throwing him a bathrobe to protect himself from the cold crisp of the season of Fall. Kiyoomi wouldn’t be buying him a breakfast to eat before going to their practice.

If Kiyoomi fell in love, then he would simply forget about all the feelings he harbored.

The cruel rule was just as simple as that.

—

“They always forget.”

For as long as Atsumu could remember, their grandmother always told them those three same words every time the twins would ask why they didn’t have a grandfather around. It was such an insensitive thing, but Atsumu and Osamu were barely five-years-old when they first asked the question — an honest and genuine question brought about by seeing their classmate getting picked up by her grandfather after school.

The words always came with an unfathomable farrago of guilt and pain and bliss behind that small smile their grandmother always gave them. Atsumu wanted to understand. Atsumu wanted to know the reason behind. Atsumu wanted to see the root cause of the feelings unspoken, the pain unsaid. Atsumu wanted to know why his grandmother chose to raise her only daughter all on her own — in a prefecture 300 miles away from Tokyo where most of their relatives lived.

“They always forget.”

Atsumu was seventeen years old when he first understood the meaning of those words.

Meeting Hinata Shouyou was one of the best moments during his Spring High. It was probably weird to immediately tell your opponent that you’re gonna toss for them one day right after they just beat you in the game, but there was nothing regular about Hinata Shouyou — and maybe that’s what made Atsumu fall.

It started with a few exchanges of messages. Atsumu would try to tease him every now and then, enjoying the enthusiastic reactions he would get from the younger lad. What started with a few exchanges of messages ended up with Atsumu meeting Shouyou in Tokyo during their training camp, travelling to Tokyo for hours only to be with Shouyou for mere thirty minutes.

It was the first time that they met after Spring High — and it definitely wasn’t the last.

Everything was going so well for the both of them, until that one afternoon when Atsumu decided to surprise Shouyou in Miyagi. They spent their day together and Atsumu learned more about Shouyou in that one day than the past few months that they’d been spending their time exchanging messages and meeting in Tokyo. Everything was going so well, even up to the point when Atsumu bid his goodbye and travelled back to Hyogo with a smile which he couldn’t seem to stop to form on his lips.

Everything was going so well — until everything came to a sudden stop.

To: Shouyou

G’mornin’ Shouyou-kun! ~

From: Shouyou

Miya-san? Oh! How are you?

It was weird. Shouyou stopped calling him as Miya-san months ago. It was weird how Shouyou would just ask him ‘How are you?’ when they both just shared the deepest of their secrets yesterday when Atsumu surprised him in Miyagi. It was weird how Shouyou was talking to him again like how he did back when they first met — mere strangers who played volleyball on the opposite sides of the net.

From: Shouyou

Also, I don’t remember how I got your email. But we seem to be talking a lot these days??? Hope I wasn’t much of a bother to you, Miya-san!! T__T

It was weird. It was weird how Shouyou was acting so distant, so reserved. It was weird how Shouyou was acting like he just seemed to have forgotten every little thing shared between him and Atsumu.

“They always forget.”

The words suddenly popped out of Atsumu’s mind. The words struck Atsumu and fear loomed in his mind. The setter could only get himself out of bed and run towards his grandmother’s room in haste just to confirm the one thing that he could only ever think of to explain what was happening.

“Why did he forget about us?”

Atsumu muttered those words as soon as he opened the door. His grandmother ceased knitting the red scarf, lowering the volume of the radio playing and taking her time to look at Atsumu. For a moment there was confusion in her eyes, until it slowly turned into realization, until it slowly turned into a hint of pain and pity and sorrow. Atsumu didn’t know how his grandmother understood, but she did, and she beckoned Atsumu to walk towards her as if she was about to share a secret of her own.

“They always forget,” his grandmother said once again before she shifted her gaze towards the window. Atsumu was just staring at her, waiting for her to continue, letting the sound of the chime dancing against the breeze of the wind be the only noise around them.

“When they fall in love, their memories of us just seem to vanish. They still know us, but not the memories shared, not the moments kept in secret, not the feelings requited. When your father didn’t forget your mother, I thought this curse stopped with me.” Atsumu was just staring at his grandmother until the words finally seemed to sink into his mind, until the realization finally dawned upon him — the reason why his grandmother raised his mother alone and the reason why Atsumu was currently in his grandmother’s room while crying about a certain spiker.

“I’m sorry, Atsumu.”

The words spoken were almost inaudible, almost drowning in the sound of the chimes and the wind and the buzz of the radio static. The words were spoken with too much pain, too much guilt, too much grief.

If Atsumu fell in love and the sentiment was mutual, then that person would simply forget about the love that bloomed, leaving Atsumu to harbor the feelings all on his own.

The cruel rule was just as simple as that.

—

It was that one incident which brought Atsumu to his senses. It was almost like drowning in the ocean once again, almost losing himself because of a defective safety vest he didn’t really want to put on. Atsumu hurt himself once again for going too far, daring to explore the unventured expanse all on his own.

So, Atsumu learned to step back and walk along the shoreline once again. He continued on in his life and engaged in nothing but temporary bliss, in momentary relationships — never  allowing himself to fall, never allowing himself to get too close, never allowing himself with the heat and intimacy and familiarity shared only between partners.

Atsumu was doing a pretty good job at it, until Sakusa Kiyoomi happened.

Atsumu knew Kiyoomi from high school, so when Kiyoomi joined the team and became one of the few spikers whom Atsumu trusted his tosses with, Atsumu felt that getting used to his rules came as easy as setting a toss to him. Sure, he might be an ass, but Atsumu had always been quite respectful of Kiyoomi’s boundaries. Atsumu knew just how close is too close and how much is too much. Atsumu always kept a comfortable distance with Kiyoomi and the raven did the same to him.

Maybe it was because of his past experience. Maybe it was because of how familiar Atsumu was when it came to setting a distance between him and the people around him. Maybe it was because Atsumu knew how to keep himself at bay and enjoy the serenity of the ocean just by walking down the shoreline.

Kiyoomi was a comfortable presence in Atsumu’s life. Kiyoomi gave him a challenge with every serve he aced, with every spike he hit, with every toss he demanded to be set to him. Kiyoomi gave him a semblance of bliss with every grin he would throw Atsumu whenever he would win their banter. Kiyoomi gave him a semblance of warmth whenever he would share with Atsumu his own hand sanitizer. Kiyoomi gave him a semblance of calm whenever he would pat Atsumu in the shoulder after a missed serve and utter the words ‘Don’t mind’.

And whenever Atsumu’s brain was trying to mess with him and tell him that he wasn’t worth anything, Kiyoomi gave him a semblance of peace whenever he would tell him ‘Toss to me, Atsumu’ like it was everything that he wanted to do, like it was everything that he was meant to do.

Atsumu never really planned to let anyone else be close to him — close enough to share the secret of him being afraid of spiders, close enough to share one look after practice and understand that they’d both be staying for extra practice, close enough to call Kiyoomi at 2AM when Atsumu would suddenly wake up from a bad dream, close enough to admit his own insecurities, close enough to express the weaker side of him.

Before he even realized it, Sakusa Kiyoomi already became his best friend.

It was the riskiest thing that he had done in the longest time — taking another step towards the water, enjoying the exhilarating cold of the ocean waves brushing against his ankles. It was a comforting feeling, gaining the closest relationship that he’s ever had after that one silly incident back in high school.

Everything was going so well, until Hinata Shouyou showed up and reminded him of the curse still running through his veins.

It wasn’t like the sight of one Hinata Shouyou still brought sparks within him. In fact, it was quite the opposite. The moment he saw Shouyou during the try-outs, Atsumu knew that he no longer held any feelings for the younger lad. Atsumu knew that the feelings he harbored before were long since been washed away by the tempestuous tidal waves with no hopes of ever surfing back. Atsumu knew that the calm, peace, and warmth which he felt before was no longer present when Shouyou was around.

But those thoughts came along with another unfortunate realization.

Hinata Shouyou no longer made him feel the calm, peace, and warmth. After all, those feelings were only ever present within Atsumu whenever Sakusa Kiyoomi was around.

Everything came to him slowly, and then all at once — all the small smiles exchanged, the tosses set with much more care and thought, the hand sanitizers consumed and replaced, the practices done together, the Sunday shopping spent together, the late-night calls, the secrets shared, the tears and pain and weaknesses which only Kiyoomi was ever allowed to see.

Atsumu was too negligent. He didn’t wear any safety vests nor did he prepare himself for the sudden tide. Atsumu enjoyed the comfort brought about by the waves splashing against his ankles that he didn’t notice he was already put into a trance, hypnotized into going farther, deeper, diving into the unknown expanse he told himself he would never venture once again.

Before he even realized it, Miya Atsumu already fell in love.

—

“D’ya wanna have a friends-with-benefits arrangement with me?”

Those were the words which brought a turn into their friendship. Those were the words which Atsumu suddenly uttered while the two of them were walking back home after practice. They live in the same building, but different floors, so walking back together had always been a part of their routine.

Contrary to popular opinion, Atsumu always tried to think about things. So, the question spoken one Friday evening was a result of all the sleepless nights and constant spinning of the cogs on his head. It was a plan schemed to bring Atsumu back to the shoreline, to bring Atsumu back to the safe zone, to push Kiyoomi out of his life.

Atsumu wanted to stay away from Kiyoomi, but he didn’t have any reason to — so he ended up making one.

Kiyoomi had never been fond of any skin-to-skin gestures around anybody else. Kiyoomi had never been one for intimacy and closeness and any sort of togetherness. Atsumu thought that if he suggested such a thing to Kiyoomi, then the raven would probably hate the idea and hate the very person who suggested such. Atsumu wanted Kiyoomi to loathe him for even bringing up the topic when Atsumu, of all people, should know just where the frontier was between the two of them. Atsumu, of all people, should understand just how important staying on the shoreline was.

Atsumu wanted Kiyoomi to hate the fact that he seemed to have forgotten just how important were Kiyoomi’s boundaries — for how else was he supposed to will himself to stay away from Kiyoomi? How else was he supposed to erase the feelings he never knew would be unearthed once again from the pits of his heart?

Once the words were out, he knew there was no going back. He knew that he finally stepped inside the perimeters of Kiyoomi’s comfort zone — the perimeters which no one was ever allowed to step into, the perimeters which Atsumu respected from the bottom of his heart, the perimeters which he was now stepping into in hopes of garnering the anger and loathe of one Sakusa Kiyoomi.

Atsumu waited for the lash out. He waited for Kiyoomi to say something, anything, probably words of disdain to end the friendship that he knew he wanted to last, yet a friendship which was never meant to last. Atsumu waited for Kiyoomi to say anything, or probably just walk away from him without even bidding a goodbye.

Yet, Atsumu was struck with the one word he never expected to hear from Kiyoomi.

“Sure.”

It was such a blunt and short response. Atsumu whipped his head towards Kiyoomi, his eyes too wide and his mouth agape from too much shock, too much surprise, too much of the unexpected happening like some sort of miracle from above.

Atsumu didn’t want Kiyoomi to agree. He didn’t want for Kiyoomi to accept the proposal he thought would be the only way for the two of them to finally part. He didn’t want to step inside the perimeters, to be the only one allowed with such close proximity — like a certain right meant only for him, a privilege, an exception.

He didn’t want to receive such entitlement, for how else was he supposed to stop himself from thinking that maybe, just maybe, he was a little special for Kiyoomi, too?

Atsumu should really back out, try to work his way out because the plan which he spent weeks thinking about was now backfiring. Atsumu knew he didn’t want this. Atsumu knew he didn’t want to dive even deeper. Atsumu wanted to go back to the shoreline, to the safe zone, so the words which came out of his mouth colored him surprise.

“Then, how about we start tonight?”

It was Friday evening and they didn’t have a scheduled practice the next day. Atsumu could almost hear the wild thump, thump, thumping of his heart against his chest as he asked the question, seemingly more aware of the distance ebbing between them two.

Kiyoomi looked at him before he nodded. Atsumu wondered if Kiyoomi was only going along with this because he thought it was a joke. Atsumu wondered how come Kiyoomi was answering him like it was a practiced gesture, like it was something that he, too, had been thinking about for so long. Like it was an answer that he had been preparing for a question which had long since been kept under the guise of the two of them being just best friends.

“Sure.”

With just one word, Atsumu was entranced.

In the dark of the night when the ocean was at its most dangerous state, when the ocean was more daunting and unsettling, Atsumu still found himself getting swept away by the waves. He let himself be swept away by the soft lips, by the cavern to be explored with their tongues, by the hands wandering along Atsumu’s body and exploring him like a beauty at par with one of the seven wonders of the world.

Atsumu let himself be swept away by the hands bigger than he expected him to be. By the intimacy more feverish than he imagined them to be. By the voice much deeper and rougher than he was so used to hearing.

There was no romantic music nor a glass of wine shared before the grandest gesture, yet Atsumu still felt so drunk under the barest of touches. Atsumu still felt so drunk under the whispers of adoration, under all the God, you’re amazing and You’re so good, you’re so fucking pretty, Atsumu and the blonde dared himself to believe those words just for tonight. Even just for tonight he would let himself drown in the lies spoken under the heat of the moment.

And amidst the lips touching lips, the skin touching skin, the thrusts losing its steadiness and the fingers scraping through Kiyoomi’s back to form a mark which Atsumu could only wish would never disappear, suddenly there was only the burst of stars clouding his vision and ragged breaths which signaled the end. Atsumu was too fazed by the feeling of ecstasy that he didn’t even realize it was already the end until there were soft pecks on top of his forehead and the feeling of emptiness as Kiyoomi pulled himself off of him.

One warm shower and a few exchanges of banters later found the two of them laying on the newly changed sheets, Kiyoomi’s breathing sounding so steady in the peace of the night. Atsumu realized that the curtains were open, allowing the moonlight to imbue its presence inside the room. In the dark of the night, the grey of Atsumu’s wall became black and the luminescence added cerulean into the spectrum.

And amidst this newly found appreciation for the alluring tenebrosity of his room, Atsumu found himself staring at the figure beside him, appreciating the beauty only he was allowed to see at this close of a distance.

“Please don’t fall in love with me.”

It was a gentle whisper, a wish and a prayer. If this was everything that Atsumu was allowed to have, then he would gladly take it. Atsumu would gladly play beyond the safe zone. Atsumu would gladly dive deeper despite the risk of getting hurt. And in return, Atsumu only wished for these memories to stay intact. Atsumu only wished for these secrets to never be forgotten. Atsumu only wished for these moments to be known to them both.

Even if it meant that he would never be more than Sakusa Kiyoomi’s best friend.

“Sure.”

With just one word, Atsumu started to drown.

—

Sunday morning came with gusty winds and heavy rainfall. Atsumu woke up to the rumbling sound of thunder and the cold brought about by the sheets half tangled on his feet and half sprawled at the edge of the bed. Atsumu felt a shiver down his spine the same time the thunder rumbled once again, reminding Atsumu of the impending cold morning to be faced with no one by his side.

It had been three months since Kiyoomi and Atsumu started their arrangement. Atsumu always set his Sunday’s aside for Kiyoomi. Before, it wasn’t really fun driving to the grocery store and walking the aisles round and round until he bought what he needed to survive for yet another week of training, but later on he found out that he only required someone walking by his side (preferably a man who’s 192cm tall with black curly hair and two moles on top of his forehead) to find such a chore as nothing less than blissful.

Atsumu grabbed his phone from the side table to send his usual good morning message to Kiyoomi and ask him whether they’d still go about their usual routine. If the cold of the morning didn’t wake Atsumu up completely, then the message sitting on his inbox probably did the trick a hundred times better.

From: Omi ❤

Still up to grab some grocery?

While the two of them had been exchanging messages since the first time Atsumu set a toss to Kiyoomi while wearing their MSBY jerseys, rare were the times when Kiyoomi sent him a message first. Atsumu read the message over and over again just to ensure that this wasn’t just some form of hallucination. Atsumu bit his lips to keep himself from smiling, but his traitorous lips still did so without any consent and Atsumu just chuckled at his own dumbassery.

From: Omi ❤

Earth to Miya Atsumu.

I can see that you’ve read my messages.

Glad to know that you’re alive so I can bury you under the ground while you’re still breathing.

Atsumu flinched at the sudden barrage of messages. Only then did he realize that he did not send a single reply since earlier, too engrossed over the fact that Kiyoomi sent him a message first like a high schooler squealing about their crush.

To: Omi ❤

Omiii good morning!! Of course! I’m up for it~

Y r u so mean early in the morning!! >_<

Did ya miss me?

O_O

R u falling in love w me, Omi-kun?!!

From: Omi ❤

I’d be an idiot if I fall in love with a dumbass.

To: Omi ❤

Great! Can’t have ya falling for me! A lot of girls will cry y’know （ > ﹏ < ）

Atsumu waited for another reply, but he knew the end of the banter once the Read sign was shown under his message. He took a deep breath and chuckled to himself as he realized that he probably irked Kiyoomi once again with his annoying self-confidence and a biased opinion of himself. This was fine. This was more than enough. It was enough that he was close to Kiyoomi, but not close enough for Kiyoomi not to feel pissed and annoyed at him.

“This is good enough.”

Atsumu was glad that no one else was inside his room to hear his lie.

—

“I’ll cook in your kitchen,” Kiyoomi said as they paid for the groceries at the counter, handing over his card to the cashier. Atsumu wasn’t entirely sure if he did something good yesterday or if he probably was using up the good karma which he earned from his past life, but Kiyoomi was offering to cook something to ease their hunger and who was he to turn down such a generous offer?

“Sure!!” Atsumu could see how the cashier was holding herself back from laughing at the sudden outburst and the blonde cursed internally, hoping that his face wasn’t as flushed as he felt at the moment.

Rare were the times when Kiyoomi would stay with Atsumu after their grocery shopping together. So, Atsumu would always take whatever crumbs he could get. One day, one hour, one minute, or even just one additional second to be spent with Kiyoomi was something that he could never turn down.

It was a worthy decision. 3PM found the two of them sitting on Atsumu’s couch facing the picture window on his living room. In this rain, Atsumu could see nothing but the tap, tap, tapping of the raindrops against the window. There was too much fog that he couldn’t really see the usual view of the city in contrast to all the greens he always saw back in Hyogo. There were still a few rumblings from the sky as a reminder that the weather was not yet letting up.

“You cook really good, Omi,” Atsumu muttered in a low voice, too conscious to break the comfortable silence between the two of them.

“You just suck,” Kiyoomi answered to which Atsumu just rolled his eyes, taking another sip of the soup Kiyoomi prepared.

For fleeting moments, the two of them just stared at the bland view at the window. The two of them just took turns taking a sip on each of their own bowl of soup. The two of them just listened to the sound of the rain against the window. The two of them just sat there, seeming to enjoy the attention given by the eventual lightnings, like the sky was in a contracted photoshoot and the two of them were the only chosen models.

And then came the smallest of touch, the barest of skin touching skin, the lightest gesture of intimacy. Kiyoomi moved a little, just enough for his thighs to almost touch Atsumu’s, just enough for his arms to almost touch Atsumu’s, just enough, just enough.

Atsumu shifted his gaze towards Kiyoomi. The raven was still looking at the window, too enticed by the rain falling with no signs of stopping, no signs of ever coming to an end. Atsumu wondered if the rain understood his feelings. If the rain also understood just how hard it was to see no end in the falling, falling, falling. Atsumu wondered if the rain also understood the pain of falling with no reassurances that there would be something, someone, to catch the fall.

The rain was still falling and the afternoon was still cold, but Atsumu thought that the lightest of touch shared between him and Kiyoomi was warm enough — warmer than the bowl of soup he was still holding against his hands.

“This is good enough.”

The words left his mouth before he could even process it, loud enough to hear himself, but not loud enough for Kiyoomi to tear his gaze away from the scenery in front of him.

This time around, Atsumu knew that those words held not a single malice of a lie.

—

The next few weeks were nothing unfamiliar to Atsumu. They were full of rigorous trainings, full of practice matches with teams from all over the country, full of yakiniku and beer every time one of them would dare to invite the whole team to a dinner, full of jeering and laughter. It was fun. It was always fun.

But Atsumu knew that Friday nights were still the best. Friday nights were still the biggest thing which was keeping him grounded despite the arduous parts of being a professional volleyball player. Friday nights were what mattered to him the most at the moment. After all, Friday nights came with soft kisses, gentle touches, whispers of adoration, and the vulnerability shared exclusively to Atsumu and Atsumu alone.

Friday nights always came with the privilege of being the only focus of Sakusa Kiyoomi’s attention.

It was all a part of Atsumu’s routine, but the crack in that routine showed itself slowly, subtly, almost too diminutive for Atsumu to notice.

It started with one away practice match. Atsumu situated himself on one of the seats near the window, expecting Bokuto or Hinata to follow suit and sit beside him. Instead, Atsumu found himself sitting next to Kiyoomi.

“Aww. You missed me, Omi!” Atsumu teased, like how he always did whenever he found the opportunity to annoy Kiyoomi, but the raven only rolled his eyes at him and pulled out his earphones, pressing it against his ears as a ‘Don’t Talk to Me’ sign. Atsumu just stared at Kiyoomi for a few moments before a chuckle escaped his lips, leaning comfortably on the seat with a smile on his face.

It started with that one incident, until it became a domino of small incidents which Atsumu preferred not to think too much about — like that one time when Kiyoomi agreed to go with him to practice together on a Monday morning, ignoring the endless taunts from Bokuto and Hinata.

Or that one time when Kiyoomi suddenly called him at 2AM, a little drunk from the shots of Scotch that he had that night, but not drunk enough to lose track of the stories Atsumu kept on telling him about.

Or that one time when Kiyoomi suddenly bobbed his head when Atsumu was blasting his K-pop playlist on his flat, leading to Kiyoomi admitting that he was actually fond of this genre of music — a secret that he never really told anyone about.

Those were just one time’s, until the one time turned into two, turned into three, until it turned into a part of the routine which Atsumu shared with Kiyoomi — like how spending the Sunday afternoon in Atsumu’s flat while the two of them ate the food Kiyoomi cooked became a part of their routine.

Atsumu preferred not to think too much about it, because thinking too much meant getting his hopes up. Getting his hopes up meant trying to forget the fact that Kiyoomi could suddenly forget about all of these teeny, little memories which made up the entirety of their friendship, of their relationship, or whatever it was that should be the label of their arrangement.

Maybe it was just a change in the gust of the wind, this time a little stronger but definitely a lot warmer. Atsumu didn’t see any reason to fuss about it. Atsumu was fine. There was nothing but calm in the vast ocean.

Atsumu preferred not to think too much about it, even when Kiyoomi suddenly asked him the question he never thought he would hear from the raven.

“Is it alright if we stay in my flat tonight instead of yours?”

Atsumu immediately stopped on his tracks, watching Kiyoomi continue to trail down the sidewalk towards their building. When Kiyoomi realized that he was walking alone, his feet halted and he turned his gaze back to the blonde, furrowing his brows in confusion.

“What?” Atsumu asked, surprised, nervous, tensed.

For a few seconds, Kiyoomi just stared at him as if he just grew another head. Kiyoomi just stared at him as if he were trying to figure out what the question was all about, as if he didn’t just utter the most surprising question Atsumu could ever hear from him. For a few seconds, raven eyes only focused on his own hazel ones, as if trying to see through the secrets hidden behind.

“Here,” Kiyoomi said as he held out his hand towards Atsumu like someone guiding a kid to step further into the ocean, to feel the bliss of dipping further into the water. Kiyoomi held out his hand, and little did he know that Atsumu had long since surrendered himself into the depths of the ocean, so what use was there to deny such a humble request?

Atsumu slowly held out his hand and reached for Kiyoomi’s. One foot closer. One inch closer. One centimeter closer. Atsumu reached out until those lean and soft fingers whose touch he only ever felt inside his bedroom finally laced around his own calloused ones. Atsumu felt the buzz run through his veins as the warmth from Kiyoomi’s hands slowly permeate through him, filling him with butterflies he knew he was already too old to get.

Atsumu was starting to think again — was he allowed to do this? Was he allowed to take another step closer into Kiyoomi’s boundary? Was this a line he was allowed to cross? Was this a part of their Friday nights arrangement?

Was feeling happy for a simple hand-holding gesture too much?

Atsumu was starting to think again, but Kiyoomi just continued to walk until they reach their building, until they enter the elevator and Kiyoomi pressed the button to his floor, until they inevitably reach Kiyoomi’s flat.

Atsumu was too lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize they were already inside Kiyoomi’s place until the raven pushed him gently towards the bed, letting him sit at the edge of it. Kiyoomi pulled Atsumu’s chin up to meet his gaze before he whispered another question.

“Is everything alright?”

Atsumu gulped a lump on his throat — no, everything was not alright. Atsumu was too flustered, too nervous, too surprised about the fact that he was inside Kiyoomi’s bedroom. Atsumu was too overwhelmed with the fact that he was allowed to step inside, he was allowed to cross the threshold, he was allowed to break another frontier. In his mind, things were not alright because he would probably burst out from too much bliss or nerves or panic.

But Kiyoomi was right there, right in front of him, holding his chin to meet his gaze and looking at him like he was the only thing that mattered tonight.

Atsumu couldn’t find himself to mutter any answer, so he slowly reached out for Kiyoomi and pulled the raven in for a kiss.

Most Friday nights were not like this. Most Friday nights were filled with rush and haste, with the excitement brought about by one week of not having a taste of the drug the two of them had succumbed themselves into. Most nights were filled with hungry touches and low growls, with choked up sobs and ragged breaths.

Most Friday nights were always like the ocean in a storm. Atsumu would always find himself lost and almost drowning in the turbulent waves in the form of Kiyoomi’s touch, of Kiyoomi’s kisses, of Kiyoomi’s thrusts. Atsumu would find himself almost unable to breathe, unable to think about anything else but surviving the night while drowning in the ocean, drowning in the scent of one Sakusa Kiyoomi.

Most Friday nights were not like this — soft, careful, reverent. Kiyoomi was touching him like he was someone he cared for and longed for. There was no bumping of teeth or clashing of tongues. Kiyoomi was kissing him slowly, passionately, like he was once again trying to learn about how soft was Atsumu’s lips, trying to learn about how much was too much, how much was just enough.

And when the two of them were at their barest, laid on top of Kiyoomi’s bed amidst the sheets which made Atsumu drown in the scent of Omi, Kiyoomi, Sakusa Kiyoomi — the raven started to trail his lips to almost every part of Atsumu. This night there were more biting and nipping. This night there were more marks of ownership. This night the touches were longer, softer, slower, sending Atsumu more knee-buckling sensations than he was used to.

This night was different. The ocean was not dark. The wind was not ominous. The waves were not tempestuous. Kiyoomi was clement, earnestly searching for that one spot which would earn them the bliss and ecstasy. Every touch felt like a soft inquiry. Every moan resonated like the sound of glory. Every look felt like a piercing gaze searching for the paragon lost in the deepest parts of the sea.

And Kiyoomi took pride every time he hit the spot where the sound of Atsumu’s choked out moans could be heard like a mermaid singing the most alluring melody.

It wasn’t long until they both reached their climax. It wasn’t long until the two of them shared a warm bath before sprawling themselves back into the bed with its newly changed sheets. It wasn’t long until the room was filled only with the light from the lamp on Kiyoomi’s side table.

It wasn’t long until there was only Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi unembellished, sharing an inexplicable moment amidst the comfortable silence.

Maybe it was because Atsumu was too tired — too tired to think about the repercussions, too tired to think about the consequences, too tired to think about what he would feel if he heard the answer. So, Atsumu just asked the question he’d been meaning to ask since their arrangement started.

“Why did you agree to this, Omi?”

Kiyoomi took a deep breath before he shifted to his side so he was facing Atsumu fully. He looked at Atsumu for a moment before a scoff escaped his lips.

“Idiot.”

Atsumu faked an offended gasp and the resulting chuckle from Kiyoomi’s lips was more than worth it.

“Probably the same reason why you asked me for this on the first place.”

Atsumu didn’t want to believe it. It was clear to him that Kiyoomi didn’t really understand what he was talking about. Atsumu asked Kiyoomi because he thought Kiyoomi would run away from him if he suggested this. Atsumu asked Kiyoomi because he wanted to forget the feelings he started to harbor for his best friend. Atsumu asked Kiyoomi and when Kiyoomi agreed, he realized that this was probably the only way he could get closer to Kiyoomi without risking all of their memories.

Atsumu asked Kiyoomi because he loved him. That was the source of all of this dumbassery.

Atsumu didn’t want to believe it, but when he was slowly engulfed by those arms and a soft peck was placed on top of his head — Atsumu wanted to believe.

Tonight. Just for tonight. Atsumu would let himself drown in those lies.

—

Atsumu woke up to the scent of honey and lemon. It was the scent which never failed to provide him with some form of comfort, a semblance of warmth close enough to an embrace. Atsumu groaned a little and scooted closer to that embrace, to the warm arms still enveloped around him like he was a treasure not meant for letting go.

Warm arms?

Atsumu’s thoughts started to catch up to the present. The blonde slowly fluttered his eyes open, furrowing his brows when he was welcomed with a broad chest early in the morning. Atsumu looked up and saw Kiyoomi still sound asleep.

Atsumu smiled a little at the sight. This time the comfort and warmth and affection wasn’t because of the lingering scent of Kiyoomi’s body wash every after he spent his time taking a shower in Atsumu’s bathroom. This time, the honey and lemon was there because the Sakusa Kiyoomi was right beside him, still sound asleep with his arms wrapped tightly around him.

Atsumu slowly pulled himself off of Kiyoomi. In the crack of dawn, Atsumu could clearly see the lines of Kiyoomi’s body. The body whose heat he shared with last night. The body which kept him warm at night. The body which embraced him with no signs of letting go even amidst his sleep. Atsumu leaned and placed a peck on Kiyoomi’s forehead.

Last night was like a precious gift provided by Kiyoomi, so the least Atsumu could do was whip up their breakfast this morning. Atsumu picked his clothes up from the floor and wore it, grabbing his bag along the way before he went down to his own floor to prepare some breakfast. Sure, Omelette was one of the few things he could cook without messing up, but it’s better than nothing and he wanted to surprise Kiyoomi with a little something.

One shower and an hour later found Atsumu in front of Kiyoomi’s flat once again, pressing the doorbell to warn the raven of his presence. When Kiyoomi opened the door, Atsumu flashed him a warm smile, ready to offer him the breakfast waiting for the two of them in Atsumu’s flat.

“Good morning, Omi!”

For a few seconds, Kiyoomi just stared at him as if he just grew another head. Kiyoomi just stared at him as if he were trying to figure out why Atsumu was right there in front of his door with a wide smile on his face. For a few seconds, raven eyes only focused on his own hazel ones, as if trying to see through the secrets hidden behind.

It was a familiar gaze — the same kind of gaze Kiyoomi showed him last night when he held out his hand towards Atsumu, but something about that gaze made a little bit of difference. Something about that gaze sent an alarming shiver down Atsumu’s spine.

“What is it this time, Miya?”

Atsumu felt like a bucket of ice was thrown at him. He felt a lump on his throat forming, the tears on his eyes already on the verge of falling, and the pain on his chest stabbing, stabbing, stabbing him as a reminder that the curse on his veins was still very much running.

“They always forget.”

Atsumu was reminded of the words he tried so hard to forget. The words he tried so hard not to be reminded again. Atsumu took a deep breath and tried to keep his calm, tried to keep the façade he had been flaunting ever since he found out that he was in love with his best friend.

Atsumu was once again reminded about how cruel the oceans could be for those who dare to venture its beauty.

“J-Just wanted to annoy you, Omi!” Atsumu tried to fake his cheery tone and almost heaved a sigh of relief as Kiyoomi just rolled his eyes before he shoo-ed Atsumu away, closing his door immediately afterwards.

Despite his trembling knees, Atsumu managed to go back to his own flat without dropping down on the corridors. Atsumu exhaled shakily before he closed his door and leaned against it, sliding his back on it until his ass reached the floor. Atsumu clenched his fists until his knuckles were almost white, until he could feel his nails almost digging into his skin.

Atsumu should have known that last night was the calm before the storm.

Atsumu was too negligent once again. Atsumu strayed too far, too confident despite knowing that he always had a defective safety vest around him. Atsumu let himself be engulfed by the shadows which lurked in the ocean depths. Atsumu felt himself suffocating, unable to breathe properly, unable to see the beauty of the vast expanse of the unknown which he so willingly tried to explore.

His chest tightened and Atsumu wondered if it were caused by the bliss of the realization that Kiyoomi loved him back, even just for a moment, or caused by the pain of knowing that he would now harbor these feelings all alone.

Atsumu should have kept himself at bay. Atsumu should have been content with just enjoying the exhilarating cold of the ocean waves brushing against his ankles. Atsumu should have been content with just being Sakusa Kiyoomi’s best friend.

It was his fault. Atsumu still chose to dive into the ocean despite knowing the risk of drowning all on his own.

And amidst the silence of the place with the lingering scent of cooked Omelette from the kitchen, Atsumu’s chuckle unsurprisingly came along with tears on his eyes as he whispered to himself,

“I told you not to fall in love with me, you idiot.”

Chapter Text

“I’m home.”

The words were almost swept away by the wind breeze as soon as Atsumu opened the door to their house back in Hyogo. After the incident with Kiyoomi earlier, he called in sick and didn’t come to practice. Atsumu immediately turned his phone to Airplane mode as soon as he started to receive a barrage of messages from Bokuto and Hinata. They’re probably worried, but Atsumu didn’t have the energy to answer their questions nor entertain any of their concerns.

Atsumu didn’t really have the energy to make up yet another lie.

It was almost three in the afternoon when he arrived at their house. He planned to spend his spontaneous day off alone in his flat, but the place he owned suddenly seemed so small and suffocating. The scent of Omelette he prepared for breakfast only made the pain on his chest all the more evident. The sight of his couch only reminded him of Sunday afternoons spent while looking through the picture window. The sight of the spare black bathrobe sitting on his shelf in the bathroom only reminded him of a body which seemed so perfectly chiseled.

And the body wash sitting on the bathroom counter only reminded him of the honey and lemon; only reminded him of the scent of warmth and bliss and comfort; only reminded him of the raven locks, of two distinctive moles, of soft lips and minty breath, of all the ‘Wake up already, you idiot’ and all the ‘I swear to god if we’re late once again, Atsumu’ threats that he weirdly looked forward to every morning after their usual Friday night escapade.

Atsumu was about to take off his shoes when a voice suddenly brought him back to the current.

“Atsumu, dear?”

The blonde shifted his gaze towards his grandmother already walking towards the genkan. Atsumu toed his shoes off immediately and headed to meet his grandmother halfway.

“’Ya shouldn’t walk around too much, gran’ma,” Atsumu said as he tried to usher his grandmother back to the couch where all of her knitting materials were neatly splayed.

“I’m stronger than you give me credit for, Atsumu,” his grandmother replied before flicking Atsumu in the forehead, earning a soft gasp from the blonde and a chuckle shared between them two.

It was such a comforting feeling — to be back in his home and worry about nothing else except for his grandmother’s forehead flicks which didn’t seem to be any less painful throughout the years. Atsumu was too lost in the feeling of succor that it took him a while to realize that his grandmother was staring at him with her forehead creased. Atsumu immediately shifted his gaze away, suddenly conscious of the fact that his eyes were probably swollen from all the crying that he did earlier.

Atsumu waited for the plethora of questions, for the words full of worry and a warm embrace as an attempt to pacify him. Atsumu waited for his grandmother to confront him, like how she always did when she was nagging him when he was a kid every time Atsumu would be tangled in yet another trouble, but there were only warm hands reaching out for his and a thumb gently rubbing the back of his palm.

“Good thing you went home today. Why don’t we go to the beachside? Are you fine?” The question was asked in a such a benign manner that Atsumu had to stop himself from flinching at the suggestion.

Atsumu had never been too fond of the ocean, especially after learning once again how painful it was to be swept away by the turbulent waves, to be blinded by the beauty only to be thorned by the lose corals across the body of water, to lose a part of himself because of going too far, too deep, deeper than what his fragile self could handle.

Atsumu gulped an imaginary lump on his throat, trying to jostle himself away from the thoughts of one man whose presence always reminded him of his fear of the ocean. The blonde managed to fake a smile and mutter the one lie he had always been good at claiming.

“Of course, gran’ma. I’m totally fine.”

—

Atsumu set up the folding chair before he ushered his grandmother to sit on it. Atsumu just sat on the sand with his arms propped against his bent knees, fingers clasped together. It wasn’t the season for enjoying the beach so the place was only filled by the two of them and a family of six. Along the occasional laughter and jeer from the two kids playing, there was only the seagulls singing above and the rhythmic sound of the waves hitting the shore repeatedly.

The wind whistled a beat every now and then, gracing them with its presence and reminding them of the crisp of the afternoon. Atsumu looked at his grandmother, worried about the wind breeze starting to grow colder as the afternoon went by, but his grandmother only smiled at him and hugged the shawl closer towards her.

Atsumu flaunted a small smile before looking back at the ocean, at the waves pushing and pulling, pushing and pulling, pushing itself towards the land, but pulling immediately right away once it was already at the shoreline. The kids’ laughter was louder now and only then did Atsumu realize that the kids were already playing by the shoreline — splashing water against each other, running, dancing, jumping, enjoying the time of their lives like there was no one else in the world but them.

“You used to smile and laugh so freely like that,” his grandmother commented, breaking the silence between the two of them.

“Hm? I still smile like that, though!”

“Do you?”

Atsumu flinched at the question, biting his inner lip as he tried to keep his calm. He knew he still smiled like that — around a certain raven spiker who never ceased to make everything a competition, a certain raven spiker who would always grin at him whenever he would win their banter, a certain raven spiker who would always look at him with a proud smirk every time he would ace a serve first, a certain raven spiker who always provided Atsumu with the calm and peace and warmth.

Atsumu always smiled whenever Kiyoomi was around, the same way he used to smile like an idiot whenever he and Osamu would play around like that at the shoreline, enjoying the cold of the waves splashing against their ankles.

He thought that all the crying he did in his own flat was enough to keep himself grounded once he was back at home, but once his thoughts was once again plagued by the last person he wanted to think about right now, Atsumu’s defenses started to crumble and the tears he tried so hard to hold back were once again on the verge of falling.

Suddenly, there was a hand against his head, ruffling his hair softly, gently.

“It’s alright, Atsumu,” his grandmother said.

“You don’t have to hold back,” his grandmother assured him.

“You’re safe here,” his grandmother reminded.

And when Atsumu heard those words, when Atsumu was once again reminded that he was back in the safe arms of the person who never ceased to listen to him and look out for him all these years, the fragile wall he built suddenly started to fall. There were no starting signals nor any build up. The tears just started to fall almost incessantly as soon as Atsumu let his guard down. His chest felt so heavy. His throat felt like it was burning. His hands felt like it would bruise any moment from how hard he was holding his fingers together.

It was the first time in a long while that Atsumu had been so bare about his feelings. It was the first time in a long while that Atsumu didn’t care — not about the kids who stopped laughing, not about the family who was probably whispering about him, not about the snot on his nose or the mess of tears on his cheeks, not about the loud sobs blending with the sound of the waves crashing, not about the wish that came along with all the crying.

“I j-just… I-I just…” Atsumu took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. Despite all the broken sobs, Atsumu tried to say his wish completely, loudly, in hopes that any deity out there would be able to hear him and probably grant him the one thing that he badly wanted to have at this moment.

“I just want him to remember us. I just want him to know that there’s an us.”

Atsumu buried his forehead against his arms and let the tears just drip, drip, drip against the sand. The wind whistled a new beat once again and Atsumu tried to coil himself, tried to keep himself warm amidst the cold of the ocean breeze and the cold of the fate that was brought upon Atsumu’s life.

And then amidst the pain, amidst the wild throbbing of his chest, amidst the messy tears and hoarse throat, Atsumu hated the fact that deep down he knew that along the farrago of emotions welling up in his heart was just a little hint of bliss. Atsumu hated the fact that despite the pain brought about by Kiyoomi forgetting about the teeny, little memories which made up their entire friendship, Atsumu still had the guts to feel happy.

For what else was he supposed to feel knowing that all the kisses they shared last night, all the touches that Kiyoomi did last night, and all the whispers of how beautiful and glorifying Atsumu was last night were all an expression of Kiyoomi’s love?

For a few more minutes, Atsumu just closed his eyes and let himself be engulfed by the sound of the ocean. For a few more minutes, Atsumu just took deep breaths and tried to stop the tears from falling. For a few more minutes, Atsumu just let the feeling of comfort from the warm hands caressing his hair and patting his head every now and then be the only thing he could focus on.

“How did’ya forget him, gran’ma?” Atsumu asked, finally managing to look up to his grandmother. The ocean breeze didn’t help the sting on his eyes which was probably swollen once again, but Atsumu couldn’t care less. He only had enough capacity to think about what he should do next. He only had enough capacity to understand that if Kiyoomi would neither remember the memories nor the feelings he had, then forgetting about Kiyoomi was an option too, right?

Atsumu could choose to forget about him and live his life the same way he was doing before Sakusa Kiyoomi came — a life full of temporary bliss and momentary relationships.

But dealing with his feelings for one Sakusa Kiyoomi was not the same as dealing with his teenage crush. So, Atsumu decided to just turn to his grandmother once again and ask her how she did it — just ask her how she managed to forget someone who became the father of her daughter, someone whom her grandmother probably thought of as the man she would like to spend the rest of her life with.

Yet, the moment he dropped the question, his grandmother just smiled a little. It was the same smile which she would always show whenever Atsumu would ask about his grandfather — the smile which was always filled with a hint of guilt and pain and a little bit of bliss.

“I never did,” his grandmother said, softly, almost like a whisper.

Atsumu’s chest started to ache once again, but this time he held himself much better. The blonde pursed his lips into a thin line and just continued to listen to his grandmother as she spoke once again.

“Sometimes, I still think about the what ifs. Sometimes, I still wonder if things would’ve gone differently had I tried to stay with him, had I tried to be with him, had I tried my best to make him remember, had I tried to fight against this cruel game of life.”

“Sometimes, I still regret that the moment he forgot about me and I learned about the fact that I was carrying his baby, I ran away from Tokyo and started to live my life here in Hyogo — away  from the secrets only I knew, away from the memories only I was holding onto, away from the pain only I was bearing.”

Atsumu understood. Atsumu, of all people, knew just how painful it was to look in the eyes of the man you love and see not even a hint of any of your memories shared out there. Atsumu knew just how painful it was to see not a hint of the feelings bared and the secrets spoken. Atsumu knew just how easier it was to choose to run away from everything.

Yet, Atsumu still ached. At the back of his mind, he knew there was a lingering feeling of want. At the back of his mind, Atsumu knew that he would never be able to go back to just playing by the shoreline. Atsumu knew that he wanted to go back there, to the depths, to the unventured expanse. Atsumu wanted to go back to Sakusa Kiyoomi.

But at the same time, Atsumu was so fucking scared of once again risking everything all on his own.

“You’re stronger than me, Atsumu. I know you are. Trust yourself a bit more, won’t you?”

Atsumu looked at his grandmother and this time, he managed to flaunt an honest and genuine smile, appreciative of the trust she was providing him. Atsumu propped his hands against the sand, leaning back until he could see the clouds walking down the direction of the wind, until he could see the sky starting to be filled with the miscellany of pink and orange hue, until his mind drifted off to a silly little memory.

“Oi, Atsumu. What are you moping about once again?”

“Just… stuff, I guess?”

“…”

“…”

“Toss to me, Atsumu.”

“I really think I suck today, Omi. Sorry.”

“…”

“…”

“I like your tosses the best, idiot.”

“…”

“…”

“No takebacks, Omi!! M’kay?”

Atsumu wished he could just go back to the time when things were simpler — when he was perfectly happy and content despite his unrequited love.

—

Atsumu went back to practice come Monday morning, greeted by a blast of questions from both Bokuto and Hinata. Seeing how the team immediately huddled towards him in a circle as well, it seemed to him that the whole team was worried or possibly just curious as to what could make the Miya ‘I’m just bleeding a little on my nose and just a little hazy from fever but I’m fine’ Atsumu call in sick and skip practice.

Most times Kiyoomi would always be the one pulling Atsumu back to his apartment because the blonde was too stubborn to call in sick and to skip practice even when he seemed to almost be standing in front of death’s door.

When Atsumu had mostly covered their questions with the assurance that he was already well enough to play today, the team went back to each of their own businesses and Atsumu was left looking for a certain raven spiker.

“Omi’s not yet here, Tsum-tsum,” Bokuto answered the unuttered question hanging in the air. When Atsumu didn’t say anything else, the older one leaned closer before he whispered, “Is everything alright between you two?”

Atsumu almost flinched at the question. At this point, he wasn’t really sure if Bokuto was more perceptive than what he gave him credit for, or if he really was just plain curious about him and Kiyoomi like how he had always been before.

“’Course, things are fine, Bokkun! I just really got sick,” Atsumu answered before he patted Bokuto’s back twice as some form of reassurance. Bokuto opened his mouth, about to retaliate once again, but closed it immediately as something caught him off-guard. Atsumu followed Bokuto’s line of sight and saw Kiyoomi stepping inside the gym — with his usual practice clothes and a stoic look on his face.

Kiyoomi looked around the gymnasium, seeming to look for something — and when raven eyes suddenly met hazel ones, Atsumu automatically stiffened, feeling so bare against the gaze directed at him. Kiyoomi just raised his brow at him before he nodded as a sign of him acknowledging Atsumu’s presence before he went towards Meian to ask something.

“See? Omi seems so different ever since you skipped practice,” Bokuto commented before he gently nudged Atsumu’s arms, and that was the only cue which Atsumu needed for him to let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. Atsumu clenched and unclenched his fists as he tried to ground himself once again. After all, seeing Kiyoomi was a lot harder than he imagined it to be.

Seeing Kiyoomi himself was not the problem — it was the fact that every time Atsumu would look at Kiyoomi, he would see months and months of memories shared together. Atsumu would recall secrets only professed in the dark of the night. Atsumu would remember the soft touches and kisses known to him and only him. Atsumu would remember that one Friday night, Kiyoomi held him in his arms with so much passion, so much care, so much love.

Atsumu would look at him and see their entire friendship in just a matter of seconds, but Kiyoomi would look at him and see nothing but a teammate.

“Don’t mind, Tsum-tsum,” Bokuto said once again before he started to head towards the other side of the court. Atsumu gulped a lump on his throat as he heard the words which was only ever directed at him whenever he made a mistake on the court, amidst a game, amidst the exchange of sets and spikes, amidst the cheer of the crowd. Atsumu only ever heard those words for teeny, little mistakes he didn’t mean to do while playing volleyball.

Atsumu didn’t want to hear those words when Kiyoomi was giving him the same casual treatment he gave to all their other teammates. Atsumu didn’t want to hear those words because it only meant that the root cause of all his problems was a mistake and he was now reaping the consequences of his wrong choices.

But loving Sakusa Kiyoomi was not a mistake. Atsumu refused to believe that the feelings he harbored and the feelings which were once requited was nothing but a mistake.

Even if it meant that he would have to brace his future days ahead acting like a stranger to his own best friend.

—

Atsumu didn’t really understand why Bokuto mentioned that Kiyoomi seemed to be different. Kiyoomi was no different from how he was before — dazzling, mysterious, relentless. Kiyoomi would still practice his own serves even after their rigorous training. Kiyoomi would still be called by Meian every now and then, getting entrusted with the task of handling their unruly set of spikers. Kiyoomi would still scold Bokuto and Hinata whenever the two was planning to do something dumb once again.

Kiyoomi was still acting the same as how he was before — except for the fact that he was talking less and less to Atsumu and every time he did,

“Hey, Miya.”

Kiyoomi would always call him using his last name.

“Yeah?”

Atsumu always tried to act as casually as he could whenever Kiyoomi would call him. After all, he didn’t want to add any more suspicions than what his teammates already had. It wasn’t a secret to him that his teammates would always glance secretly at the two of them whenever Kiyoomi would call him. They weren’t really the subtlest of people when it came secretly listening in to their conversations and trying to figure out what went wrong between them two.

Sure, the two of them had probably been to a lot of fights before which ended up with Kiyoomi just calling him using his last name, but this was the longest that Kiyoomi had gone not calling him ‘Idiot’ (which he believe was Kiyoomi’s version of an endearment) or straight up calling him by his first name.

“Can you stay for a while? I wanna practice with your tosses,” Kiyoomi said as he picked up another stray ball. Atsumu grit his teeth to keep his jaw from hanging, to keep the surprise on his face from being apparent, to keep his escalating heartbeat shrouded behind a stoic face.

It had been the first time in the past two weeks that Kiyoomi asked for Atsumu to stay with him for practice.

“W-Well, I actually was about to practice with Shouy—”

“Oh! I just remembered that I was gonna go to Bokuto-san’s place to visit Akaashi-san,” Hinata suddenly chimed in, obviously trying to keep his act together despite the evident excitement on his voice.

“Right! Hinata and I will go now! Don’t stay too late since we have a practice game, tomorrow!” Bokuto added before pulling Hinata towards the shower room. Before Atsumu could even say anything else, Bokuto looked back at the two of them and sent him a wink before disappearing around the corner.

Atsumu heaved a sigh before he turned back to Kiyoomi, now looking at him with one of his brows raised. Atsumu couldn’t help the chuckle which escaped his lips at the familiar sight of this sassy and demanding spiker.

“M’kay. Let’s do this, Omi-kun,” Atsumu said as a taunt, a josh, like how he always did before and Atsumu would lie if he said he didn’t miss even this one silly little thing. Atsumu expected an eye roll or probably a ball to his face (because Kiyoomi really did hit him with a ball the first time he called him with such a familiar nickname). Instead, Kiyoomi just grabbed a ball and walked towards the end line, dribbling the ball against the floor before he looked at Atsumu with a smirk on his face.

“Think you can keep up?”

This time, Atsumu couldn’t help his jaw dropping from the question before he scoffed and rolled his eyes at Kiyoomi.

“You’re on, you lil’ shit.”

The two of them stayed the night hitting spikes after spikes after spikes. Most of their teammates had already gone ahead, bidding them goodbye amidst the loud sound of the ball hitting the floor over and over again.

For hours, Atsumu almost forgot about everything that happened in the past months. Atsumu almost forgot about the Friday nights, the unuttered confession, the morning after filled with tears and regrets and Omelette left in the kitchen, the ocean, the drowning, the resurfacing, the shoreline.

Atsumu was content with setting tosses after tosses after tosses, sending it in an arc he knew Kiyoomi had always been comfortable with. Atsumu tossed with care and accuracy he had spent years trying to hone. Atsumu tossed with the timing he knew would be perfect for Kiyoomi to hit the ball at its peak, to hit the ball at the vertex of Kiyoomi’s jump, to hit the ball with grace and elegance and beauty that only Kiyoomi would be able to pull. And every time Atsumu tossed, he made sure to watch Kiyoomi in his perfect form as he seemed to float in the air.

Atsumu watched Kiyoomi and felt like a billion things could go wrong, but not in this moment.

Not when Kiyoomi asked him to stay late for extra practice.

Not when Kiyoomi just challenged him if he could keep up with the raven’s demands.

Not when Kiyoomi was hitting the toss which Atsumu set specifically for him and only him. That toss which was set with much more sharpness, much more carefulness, much more reverence.

It was quarter after eleven when the two of them found themselves hunched on their knees, trying to catch their breaths as they finished playing with yet another set of balls. Atsumu knew that they already had to stop and take a rest for their practice game tomorrow, but a part of Atsumu didn’t want to let go of the things he had been deprived of for the past two weeks —

Calm, peace, warmth.

“Meian will kill us if we stay any longer,” Kiyoomi said to break the silence and break the hopes that Atsumu was holding onto. The blonde just nodded at Kiyoomi, wiping the trickling sweat from his temple down to his chin with the sleeves of his shirt. Atsumu took a deep breath and was about to grab his bag when a clean towel was suddenly thrown at his face — a gesture he was familiar with and he had so missed.

“Stop wiping your sweat with your shirt, you filth,” Kiyoomi said before he busied himself with fixing his things inside his bag, sparing not even a glance towards Atsumu. The setter buried his face against the towel to hide his embarrassed face, but immediately regretted the act as soon as the scent of lavender permeated him, reminding him of the fabric conditioner he started to use just because Kiyoomi told him he loved that specific scent.

Atsumu lowered the towel for a moment so he could take a peek at Kiyoomi. It probably was the scent of lavender, or it probably was the fatigue starting to catch up to Atsumu now that he was down from his high, but Atsumu braced himself and voiced out the question he knew he would regret hearing the answer to.

“Why did’ya wanna play with me tonight, Omi?”

Atsumu knew he shouldn’t have asked the question because any answer would only be a poison harmful to him. Atsumu knew that any answer Kiyoomi would come up to would only lead to his own demise.

Should Kiyoomi answer him negatively, like how he was probably the only available setter to play with, then Atsumu would be left with the pain of being reminded that there was nothing between them two. That the little bit of something which the two of them shared before was now down the drain because of Atsumu.

And should Kiyoomi answer him positively, then Atsumu would once again succumb himself to the hopes of gaining back what he lost. Atsumu would once again be blinded by the desire to turn nothing into something. Atsumu would once again deceive himself and ignore the obvious repercussions of going too far.

When Kiyoomi started heading towards the shower room in silence, Atsumu almost heaved a sigh of relief knowing that he wouldn’t be subjected into any form of poison for tonight. Yet, before Kiyoomi disappeared around the corner, his voice suddenly echoed throughout the empty gym.

“I like your tosses the best, idiot.”

The moment he heard those words, Atsumu clenched his fists against the towel he was holding and tried to hide the fact that there was the familiar throbbing against his chest and the flush across his cheeks. Atsumu closed his eyes and exhaled shakily, burying his face against the towel once again.

Fuck.

Atsumu knew that this particular poison was definitely more deadly.

—

“Nice serve!!”

The chain of hype and pleasantries echoed in the gymnasium where they held their practice game against EJP Raijin. There were a lot more spectators in the gym than Atsumu had anticipated, but Atsumu was neither distracted nor encouraged by the crowd. Atsumu was too focused on the sets, on the receives, on the spike, on the squelch of the shoes against the floor.

Right now, Atsumu was too focused on the four steps, on the ball throw, on the run-up, on the jump, and then on the big wham sound as his palm hit the ball and sent it flying towards the other side of the court. Atsumu was too focused on the way the other team tried to keep the ball from falling, tried to keep the ball afloat in the air, tried to keep themselves from losing.

But the ball fell just a centimeter away from Komori’s fingers and finally landed on the floor. A whistle signaled the end of the set which was won through Atsumu’s five serve streak. It was the last set that they were gonna play and the team almost jumped into Atsumu (except for Bokuto and Hinata who really went and jumped towards him causing the three of them to fall) as they congratulated the setter and teased him as to how focused he was during the entire game.

After a lot of ‘Bokkun, I can’t breathe’ and ‘Shouyou-kun, we’re both sticky from sweat’, Atsumu finally managed to show his shit-eating grin towards his teammates and took pride in his performance for today. When the crowd died down and each of them went to grab their own bags before going to the shower, Atsumu found himself looking for a certain raven spiker.

It was a habit. Looking for Kiyoomi after the game and trying to tease him into complimenting Atsumu even just once was a habit Atsumu was trying to break. He knew they weren’t back to their same old let’s-have-a-banter-every-five-minutes kind of relationship, but just looking for Kiyoomi to see if he was at least a little bit proud of Atsumu’s performance was fine, right?

In his search, Atsumu found Kiyoomi on the other side of the court while talking to his cousin. Atsumu smiled at the sight, knowing that Kiyoomi was probably receiving another list of reminders from Komori and the raven would probably forget about half of it, anyway. The setter was about to grab his bag and head to the shower room when another sight made him halt, another sight made him almost lose his ground.

There stood Osamu, handing Suna a fresh set of towels and a box of what he could assume was take out from Osamu’s own restaurant. The two of them talked for a moment before Osamu’s eyes met Atsumu’s, and then Osamu whispered something to Suna before he headed towards the blonde.

Atsumu knew the two of them had been together for years. Atsumu probably realized that his brother was in love with Suna way before Osamu realized it himself. Atsumu may sometimes be dumb, but he definitely wasn’t blind.

Osamu knew about the curse the same day Atsumu did. After all, Atsumu was not the best at hiding his swollen eyes and his puffy cheeks. Osamu knew about the curse and the pain that came along with it, but the spiker still dared to confess to Suna a month before their graduation day.

“Suna and I will pursue different careers anyway. ‘M gonna lose ‘im whether he likes me back or not. So lemme just confess, ‘Tsumu.”

Those were the words Osamu said after a lot of nagging he heard from Atsumu. The thing was, Atsumu knew that Osamu’s confession would definitely be accepted. Osamu already took a long time to realize that he was actually in love with Suna, but Suna definitely needed one trigger to finally realize that he actually loved the spiker back.

Atsumu was scared. He didn’t want Osamu to experience what he went through with the tangerine spiker back in Miyagi. He knew Suna liked Osamu back and the moment Suna realized that was the moment everything would fall apart. The moment Suna realized that was the moment Osamu would be left with all these feelings to be dealt with all alone.

Despite being such an ass, Atsumu didn’t want his twin brother to experience the pain of being the only one who knew that such a love blossomed between him and his partner.

Yet, the confession was immediately accepted and nothing changed with Suna the day after their confession.

Well, nothing except for swinging by the twin’s room every break time so he could talk to Osamu. Or staying with Osamu in the library as the latter was busying himself in planning his own business. Or the late-night calls which Atsumu knew Osamu was taking despite how quiet the latter was trying to be. Or dropping by their house every morning and every night so he could walk to and from the school with Osamu.

At first, Osamu admitted that he was doubtful of Suna’s feelings for him. After all, why was Suna acting more in love than he was back then? Why was Suna right there, with all his memories intact and his feelings still blooming day after day?

“He’s in love with you, ‘Samu. Trust me.”

Those were the words Atsumu finally told his brother after a lot of sighs and missed meals and staying up late at night because of overthinking. Atsumu knew how sincere Suna was for his brother. He knew it in the way Suna looked at Osamu — it was the same way their father looked at their mother even after all these years. It was the look filled with admiration and joy and gratefulness. If that wasn’t proof enough, then Atsumu didn’t really know what was.

And it was at that time when Atsumu finally accepted that maybe, Miya Osamu really was the better twin.

After all, Osamu was the one who deserved the luxury of loving and being loved back — all without the risk of his partner ever forgetting about the love that blossomed, the secrets said, the memories shared together.

“’Tsumu. We’d go for drinks tonight. Wanna come with us?”

Osamu’s voice brought Atsumu back to the current. Atsumu opened his mouth to respond, but closed it immediately as he realized that he hadn’t thought of a reason yet on why he would be turning down the offer.

Atsumu had long since accepted the fact that he was just a little unlucky to live his life with this kind of curse running through his veins, but seeing Osamu and Suna together was giving him a miscellany of chagrin and pain across his chest. Seeing Osamu and Suna together reminded him that he was the star-crossed twin. He was the inauspicious twin. He was the cursed twin.

Atsumu felt like he wasn’t strong enough yet to hang out with his brother and be reminded of the fact that Atsumu didn’t have the luxury of enjoying this silly little thing called love.

He was about to open his mouth once again and blabber out the first lie which came to his mind, but Atsumu felt Bokuto’s arms suddenly wrap around his shoulders causing him to stop.

“Nuh-uh, M’ya-sam! Tsum-tsum will hang out with me tonight!” Bokuto exclaimed with no rooms for negotiations. Atsumu didn’t really plan to hang out with anybody, but he figured being with Bokuto was a much better option than staying with his brother for tonight.

“Yeah! Bokkun and I haven’t had our bro night for ages,” Atsumu answered. Osamu raised one of his brows, clearly aware that something about this was not adding up. Yet, the younger twin just pursed his lips before he nodded.

“Fine. Next time then. See ‘ya.” Osamu waved his goodbye before heading back to the other side of the court. Atsumu heaved a sigh of relief before he shifted his gaze towards the spiker beside him and patted Bokuto’s back.

“Thanks for the save, Bokkun,” Atsumu said with a smile and Bokuto responded with an even wider version of his smile, if that was still remotely possible.

“What do you mean save? I’m gonna make you spill the beans tonight, Tsum-tsum!” Bokuto said before heading towards the shower room with his bag hanging against his shoulders.

Atsumu blinked a few times as he watched Bokuto disappear into the corner before his shoulders sag and yet another sigh escaped his lips.

“Bokkun wasn’t the better option either, was he?”

—

Half an hour past eight in the evening found Atsumu in Bokuto’s living room, sitting on the couch with a box of pizza across from him situated on the table. Bokuto went to the kitchen to grab his pack of beer, humming a tune Atsumu could only guess was another song he learned from the new anime he was watching.

“Here, Tsum-tsum!” Bokuto said as he handed Atsumu a can of beer, placing the other cans on top of the center table. Bokuto grabbed a slice of pizza himself before sitting beside Atsumu.

“So, what’s up between you and Omi?” Bokuto asked before taking a bite of his pizza. Straight to the point as always, Atsumu thought. The blonde opened his can of beer and took a sip before leaning against the back rest, focusing his gaze on the random movie playing on the television.

“I told ‘ya there’s nothing, Bokkun,” Atsumu said for the thousandth time. It wasn’t the first time that Bokuto asked him whether there was something going on between him and Kiyoomi. It wasn’t the first time that Bokuto asked the very same question to Atsumu, especially after that one morning when Atsumu and Kiyoomi showed up to practice together with apparent marks on their necks.

“M’kay. Then you’re not the one Omi got into a fight with?”

“Why would ‘ya even think that Omi got into a fight with someone?” Atsumu tried to sound casual as he ate a slice of pizza and drank from his beer. Bokuto wasn’t far off the mark, but Atsumu wasn’t sure if he was ready to admit that yet.

“Because there’s something odd about him? I was pretty sure you two got into a fight because there’s something odd about you, too!! Y’know, after you got sick and stuff,” Bokuto shrugged, finishing his slice of pizza before he grabbed a can of beer.

“Omi seems… the same to me, Bokkun,” Atsumu said, half a truth and half a lie. Atsumu knew just how much had changed between the two of them ever since that fateful Friday night, but none of it was too unfamiliar to Atsumu. It was just like going back to their starting line. Going back to the shore after hours and hours of enjoying the waves of the ocean.

Kiyoomi just went back to treating Atsumu like how he did back when he first started in MSBY — a teammate, a setter, not even close to a friend.

Bokuto faked a loud gasp, placing his palm against his chest as if he were offended by Atsumu’s statement.

“And people tell me that I’m the dumb one in the team!!” Bokuto earned a jab from Atsumu at the remark, but the older man just laughed a little before he continued.

“No, really! Omi seems different. He doesn’t smile as much anymore. He doesn’t enjoy hitting spikes as much anymore. He’s also speaking up less and less, but I guess that’s because you don’t tease him as much anymore so there are less fights occurring during practice.”

“C’mon, Bokkun. We all know Omi doesn’t smile that much anyway.”

This time, Bokuto looked at Atsumu with a smirk flaunted on his face, like he was so proud that he knew something which even Atsumu was not aware of.

“He does. He always does that little smile whenever you would toss to him.”

“He probably just smiled because he scored from my toss,” Atsumu tried to rebut. Atsumu tried to deny the fact that Kiyoomi was smiling because of him. No. He’d had enough of giving himself half a hope and half a poison to swallow only for him to wallow in pain later.

“That’s what I thought at first too! But y’know, he doesn’t smile like that when there are other people setting a toss for him. It’s like a reserved thing for you, y’know what I mean?”

Atsumu took a deep breath and decided to keep his quiet. Atsumu finished his can of beer and immediately grabbed another so he could busy his mouth with the drinking. At least he would have just a tiny reason not to respond to Bokuto’s remarks. At least he would have something to distract himself with as he tried to stop his thoughts from being filled with hopes and dreams and unnecessary wishes.

“And I’m worried for you too, Atsumu.”

Atsumu flinched at the sudden call of his full name. Rare were the times when Bokuto called him with his first name and not the nickname they all just randomly agreed to call Atsumu, so no one could blame him if he suddenly felt tensed at the attention provided to him.

“You don’t ever show that goofy smile of yours whenever you’d ace a serve. You don’t ever show that shit-eating grin whenever you would set a toss. You seemed to be focusing too much on volleyball and I’m worried that you’re overworking yourself, y’know? Kiyoomi stopped playing with you every after practice too, so there’s no one else to stop you whenever you’re working beyond exhaustion! Jeez. And you won’t let me worry about you so you’re try’na act like everything’s fine! You’ve always been a stubborn one, Tsum-tsum.”

Atsumu almost smiled at the remarks, if not for the fact that Bokuto was actually nagging. For a moment, Atsumu felt like he was back in Hyogo, where there was a certain farmer who would probably nag at him the same way Bokuto was doing at the moment. Atsumu wondered if he ever did something good in his past life to deserve a gift of older-brother-figures from the deities above despite all the troubles that he had subjected himself into.

Atsumu had long since finished the can of beer on his hand, but he didn’t move to grab another one. For a few minutes, the poor sound effects of the movie playing were the only noise between them two. Atsumu was trying to get himself busy watching the poorly animated movie, but his mind was clearly getting lost somewhere else.

Atsumu almost wanted to tell Bokuto what was really happening. He contemplated for a bit, thought about what could happen should anyone else become aware of the curse that he had been living with for years. Atsumu had no doubts that Bokuto would believe him, no matter how outrageous the subject matter would sound like. Atsumu almost wanted to confess, to say everything and probably ask Bokuto what he would have done had he been the one placed in Atsumu’s situation.

Atsumu opened his mouth, but quickly retracted it as the sound of the door opening echoed throughout the apartment.

“Oh! Welcome home, Keiji!” Bokuto immediately said before he stood up and almost ran his way towards Akaashi. The younger man glanced at Atsumu’s way before he met Bokuto’s eyes.

“Please tell me you did not kidnap another teammate,” Akaashi answered instead of the usual I’m home.

“What? No! Tsum-tsum gladly agreed to be with me!”

Akaashi just shifted his gaze towards Atsumu, trying to squeeze out a confession from the blonde. Had this been any other night, Atsumu would have told Akaashi that he had been pulled here without his consent and Bokuto probably would have whined in front of Akaashi. But this wasn’t any other night. Atsumu neither had the energy nor the brain cell capacity to say anything else other than a simple, “Yeah! We’re good. I really did wanna come here, Akaashi-san.”

Akaashi finally looked back at Bokuto and that was the only cue which Bokuto needed for him to lean down and place a chaste peck on Akaashi’s forehead.

Atsumu had always seen the two of them be at least a little intimate with each other. There were never any grand gestures, just a few smiles exchanged every now and then, a few fingers touching beneath the table when they’re having a dinner, or a few leaning against Bokuto’s shoulders when Akaashi became a little too drunk on a Saturday night.

Yet, this was probably the most private ordeal that Atsumu had to see. Atsumu almost wanted to take his eyes off of the two, too conscious about the fact that he was witnessing an intimate moment inside the confines of their home. But something about the way Bokuto gently pinched Akaashi’s cheeks, or the way Akaashi smiled just a little at the gesture, made Atsumu just stare at them with a small smile forming on his face.

It was warm.

“Atsumu-san, please don’t hesitate to call me if Kou is being so pushy once again. I’ll just be working in the room,” Akaashi said before he bowed a little and headed towards their room, leaving a defensive and almost whining Bokuto behind. Atsumu chuckled at the sight and he finally managed to grab another can of beer, taking a sip of it as he watched Bokuto plump down back to the space beside Atsumu.

“I wish I could have that.” The luxury of loving and being loved back, are the words unsaid.

Atsumu didn’t know if it was because of the buzz brought about by the cans of beer they’d been having since earlier, but Bokuto still seemed to comprehend everything that Atsumu was leading to despite all the thoughts unsaid, despite all the feelings held back.

“Then why would you let go of the opportunity in front of you, Tsum-tsum?”

Atsumu closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He played with the can of beer on his hand, circling it over and over again before he took another sip, as if doing so would give him the courage he knew he didn’t have at the moment. Atsumu thought about revealing his secret to Bokuto once again, spilling anything and everything that was buried behind the fragile walls he built for himself.

Yet, the picture of Bokuto’s hands against Akaashi’s cheeks and Akaashi’s small smile only directed to the older man flashed through Atsumu’s mind.

He couldn’t tell Bokuto — no, not yet, maybe never.

He knew Bokuto wouldn’t pity him, but there was a chance that Bokuto would probably always mind him whenever Akaashi was around. There was a chance that Bokuto would probably be more reserved with Akaashi whenever Atsumu was there to see them two. He knew Bokuto wouldn’t pity him, but Bokuto would worry. Of course, Bokuto would worry about him and he couldn’t bear to see one of the brightest stars in the universe act so withdrawn with his love just because of Atsumu’s misfortune.

Yet, Atsumu couldn’t bear to lie in front of Bokuto anymore.

“Because I’m scared,” Atsumu finally admitted. “I’m scared of him falling in love with me because tomorrow, he might just suddenly forget about me. Tomorrow, he would probably wake up and just forget about the love that he once shared with me. He would probably wake up and realize that he could just go on about his day even without me.”

Atsumu drank from his can of beer once again, downing the beverage in half as if to find the fuel he needed in order to admit the next few words once again.

“I’m scared, Bokkun. I’m scared of the fact that tomorrow, I’d probably wake up and see that I’m the only one who’s left with all these overwhelming feelings.”

Atsumu didn’t know if what he was saying was making sense to someone who didn’t have any idea about what his curse was all about. He didn’t know if the words were making sense to someone who was living happily with the love of his life. Yet, Bokuto just chuckled and reached out for Atsumu’s hair, messing with it before he answered.

“Worry about that when it happens, Tsum-tsum. Why would you deprive yourself of the chance to love him and be loved back today just because you’re scared of losing all these things tomorrow?”

Atsumu took his time to process the question, yet a bitter chuckle just escaped his lips as he leaned his neck against the back rest, staring at the panned ceiling before answering the question with yet another question.

“How do you do that, Bokkun? How do you manage to stay despite the risk that Akaashi-san would fall out of love when tomorrow comes?”

Atsumu knew that was impossible. Akaashi was just as smitten with Bokuto the same way his twin brother was so smitten with Suna. Atsumu believed it was impossible for them to fall out of love, yet it was the closest example he could think of without revealing anything about his own misfortune.

Bokuto placed his empty can of beer aside, mimicking Atsumu and leaning his neck against the backrest to stare at the ceiling — as if there’s the sky and the stars or any constellations present at the plain white.

“I may not know what the future holds, but if right here, right now, right at this very moment, Keiji can picture me out as the one he’ll be spending the rest of his life with, then that’s good enough for me. That’s reason enough for me to stay.”

“Aren’t ‘ya scared? Knowing that tomorrow ‘yer not sure if he’ll still choose to love you?”

Atsumu expected a cheery response from the older one. Atsumu expected another positive remark, another comment made in hopes of lifting the mood up, but for minutes Bokuto remained quiet. Atsumu had to tilt his head to check if Bokuto had fallen asleep amidst the conversation, but the spiker was still widely awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking, contemplating.

A soft smile slowly curved on his lips and the words Atsumu least expected from him finally revealed themselves.

“I’m scared, too, Tsum-tsum,” Bokuto said as a whisper, but Atsumu still heard it loud and clear.

“Just thinking about Keiji finally realizing that maybe I’m not really worth all his time and patience and love makes me feel so jittery. Oh! Did I use the word jittery correct?” Atsumu chuckled a little before he nodded and Bokuto took it as his cue to continue.

“But I’ve got no time to spare thinking about tomorrow. All I can ever think about is the today. All I can ever focus on is the now. Today, I’m gonna make him fall in love with me. Today, I’m gonna show him that I’m worth all his time and patience. Today, I’m gonna prove to him that I’m madly in love with him.”

“Every single day, I’m trying to do that. Every single day, I’m trying to show him just how much I love him. After all, not because I already have him meant that I’m not gonna lose him tomorrow, or the day after, or even the next month. I can only focus on the things I can do right now so I can hold onto him and hope that maybe, just maybe, today — Keiji will still choose to love me, too.”

Bokuto chuckled, as if the topic they were talking about was something to be taken lightly, but the words he was saying kept on piercing through Atsumu with the truth.

“We’re all trying to hold onto things that we have at the moment because we’re afraid of losing them one day. Isn’t doing our best right at this moment to keep them with us good enough? Day after day, choosing to express just how much we want them by our side — isn’t that reason enough to stay?”

Atsumu kept on staring at the ceiling for a few moments, until realization finally dawned upon him and he couldn’t help the laughter starting to bubble out of his chest. Atsumu laughed, and it was the first time in a while that he had laughed so sincerely. Atsumu laughed, because how could he miss such an obvious fact slapping him in the face? How could he miss such an obvious thing to do? How could he miss such an obvious answer to all his questions? Atsumu laughed until he could no longer catch his breath. Atsumu laughed until there were tears welling on his eyes.

Atsumu laughed and only stopped when he realized that Bokuto might have taken offense at the sudden laughter after such a serious topic being discussed on hand, but the moment he shifted his gaze towards Bokuto, Atsumu saw the older man only staring at him with a genuine smile on his face.

“That’s the first time in a while that you’ve laughed, Tsum-tsum! I missed your ugly laugh!” Atsumu rolled his eyes and jabbed Bokuto playfully. The blonde took a deep breath and smiled — this time genuine, honest, sincere.

“Thanks for bringing me back to my senses, Bokkun.”

“So, have you decided?” Bokuto asked. Atsumu didn’t even know how could Bokuto understand half of what was happening when Atsumu couldn’t even bring himself to explain everything properly. Nevertheless, Atsumu was now firm with the answer Bokuto had helped him to arrive at.

“Yeah.”

“Good luck then, Tsum-tsum!”

This time around, Atsumu would no longer hesitate.

—

9AM on a Saturday morning found Atsumu in front of Kiyoomi’s door, holding a bento box he cooked and prepared while he had Osamu watch him via video call. Atsumu took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell. There’s no turning back. After all the talk that Bokuto gave him, Atsumu finally decided to push through.

Atsumu had finally decided not to stay on the shore nor just be content with playing on the shoreline. This time around, Atsumu would no longer step further into the deep in a trance. Atsumu would no longer let himself to simply drown in the turbulent waves of the ocean. Atsumu would no longer explore the unventured expanse with nothing but fears that someday he would be left alone to drown.

This time around, Atsumu would make sure to enjoy swimming across the majestic blue. Atsumu would make sure to focus not on the depths of the unknown, but the beauty of the vast paragon.

Kiyoomi finally opened his door and Atsumu immediately smiled at the familiar sight — the black robe covering his entire body, his arms crossed against his chest, his soft curls perfectly dried after a shower, his lips already tainted with the lip balm Atsumu got for him, and his cheeks almost glowing from the sunlight.

“Good morning, Omi!”

Kiyoomi just stared at him — that, too, was familiar, and a chuckle escaped from Atsumu’s lips.

“What is it this time, Miya?”

The words uttered were the same words he heard after everything went into shambles. Yet, Atsumu no longer felt so cold. Atsumu no longer felt the fret he had before. This time, Atsumu was a little more confident, a little stronger, and a little braver. He handed out the bento box and Kiyoomi furrowed his brows at it, seemingly confused as to what was being handed to him.

Kiyoomi took his time glancing from Atsumu to the bento box repeatedly, but Atsumu didn’t retract his arms. With his forehead creased, Kiyoomi slowly reached out for the bento to finally accept it. Atsumu took another deep breath, ready to say the one thing he had been practicing repeatedly in front of the mirror, but Kiyoomi managed to break the silence first between them two.

“What is this for?” Kiyoomi asked in his usual stern voice, and oddly enough, Atsumu felt more at ease and comfortable.

“It’s Omelette and other stuff. I cooked it myself!”

“I still don’t see where you’re getting at, Miya.”

“Well, if you’d just let me finish talking then we’d be getting to the point already.”

This, too, was familiar. The teeny, little banters that they always had. The banters which always arose from the most insignificant things happening between them. Atsumu found himself smiling once again. He saw Kiyoomi raise his brow, but he kept his quiet, urging Atsumu to continue. So, the blonde took one last deep breath before he finally answered.

“I like you, Kiyoomi.”

It was the first step that Atsumu had decided to do after their talk last night. Atsumu finally decided not to run away from his feelings. Atsumu finally decided to face his fear and just let his feelings be known to Sakusa Kiyoomi. Atsumu was too tired of running away, too tired of the lies, too tired of hiding his feelings under the pretense of being Kiyoomi’s friend. This time around, Atsumu knew exactly what to do to solve his problems without running away from the root cause of it.

“I like you, Kiyoomi,” Atsumu said once again, this time firmer, louder, bolder.

Kiyoomi was just staring at him, too stunned about the sudden confession to utter any coherent words.

“And I’ll make you fall in love with me, Kiyoomi. That’s a promise! So, brace yourself, m’kay?”

Atsumu would no longer think about the tomorrow. Atsumu would only focus on the now. Right now, right at this moment, Atsumu would show Kiyoomi how madly in love he was with Kiyoomi. Atsumu would show Kiyoomi that he was worth all the time and patience and trust and love. Atsumu would show Kiyoomi that he would never let go — curses and fate be damned for all he cares.

So, what if Kiyoomi would forget him as soon as he fell in love with him?

Then, Atsumu would just repeat the process and make Kiyoomi fall in love with him — over and over and over and over again.

His answer to the cruel rule was just as simple as that.

Chapter Text

5:43 am

There was no sign of the sun rising up completely yet and neither had his alarm gone off, but Atsumu woke up with the cold baring its fangs on him. The blonde tried to fall back to slumber by coiling against himself under the sheets, but the thoughts plaguing his mind were way too loud for him to be at peace this early in the morning. Atsumu groaned and finally grabbed his phone to see the checklist he had for the past two weeks.

• Cook breakfast for him
• Try not to argue with him all the time
• Compliment him everyday
• Always open up a conversation with him
• Improve your skin care routine – Omi likes neat guys (probably??)
• Always be available to him (especially after practice!!)
• Buy groceries with him again
• Be funny when he’s around

Atsumu heaved a sigh before he kicked his sheets off of him and headed towards his kitchen to whip up some pancakes and scrambled eggs for his breakfast.

Within the past two weeks, Atsumu tried to up his game when it came to his style and his looks. Twelve YouTube vlogs and a two-hour trip to the mall later, Atsumu had eleven new different skin care products sitting on his cabinet in the bathroom. Atsumu was diligent about it, but with each day passing by, almost all of his teammates except for Kiyoomi had complimented him about his glowing skin.

Atsumu tried to keep the make-breakfast-for-Kiyoomi routine, but after the first time he went and brought a breakfast to Kiyoomi’s apartment, Kiyoomi wouldn’t even open his door as soon as he knew Atsumu was there bringing something along the lines of ‘Food!!’

Atsumu tried to keep the arguments to a minimum. Despite all the times Atsumu had the urge to say, ‘That flavor is boring, Omi,’ when Kiyoomi wanted to have vanilla ice cream after their practice, or all the times he really wanted to smack Kiyoomi with a ball whenever Kiyoomi declared that his serves were stronger than the blonde, Atsumu just tried to smile at him and agree to whatever Kiyoomi was saying. Yet, every time he did, Kiyoomi would just click his tongue as if he was somehow offended by Atsumu’s actions towards him.

Atsumu always tried to compliment Kiyoomi especially with his serves (Omi did’ya know that ‘yer serves are as sharp as your jaw?) and his spikes (‘Yer spikes are so powerful you even make me go weak on my knees) and his receives (‘Yer receives are more stable than my freakin’ life, Omi). Yet, every time he did, Kiyoomi would just roll his eyes at him or even worse, look at him with as much disgust on his face as he could possibly muster.

The disgust was probably the least of his concerns. Every time Atsumu tried to be funny around him by bringing out pick-up lines every now and then, Kiyoomi would always retort with his own version of the pick-up line which just burned down Atsumu for good.

“Are ‘ya my appendix? ‘Coz I don’t know how ‘ya work, but I feel like I should take ‘ya out.”

“Are you my appendix? Because you’re useless.”

“If I was a fly, I’d be all over ‘ya ‘coz ‘yer so hot.”

“If I was a fly, I’d be all over you because you’re a shit.”

“Did’ya fall from heaven? ‘Coz I think ‘yer the angel sent for me.”

“Did you fall from heaven? Because you sure look like you belong in hell.”

“We could’ve been in love ages ago! Where have ‘ya been all my life?”

“Hiding away from an idiot like you.”

Atsumu really should’ve stopped after the second burned pick-up line, but it still took him a serve directed at the back of his head before he managed to stop and shut up for the rest of the week.

To their teammates, the two of them had gone back to their usual routine way before everything went downhill. To their teammates, it was all a part of the usual banters they would always witness from the two of them before. Yet, Atsumu knew just how untrue that was. Atsumu knew that now, of all times, Kiyoomi felt so far, so distant, so detached.

“Maybe ‘yer going about this the wrong way?”

That was the question Osamu asked him after all the nights he spent on Osamu’s restaurant moping about the raven spiker. Sure, the pick-up lines may not be the best way to be funny, but all other things considered, Atsumu was putting his best foot forward for Kiyoomi. Atsumu was trying to be kinder than before, a little more considerate than before, and a little more understanding despite all the times he wanted to argue with Kiyoomi, too.

The truth was, Atsumu had no idea how to make Kiyoomi fall in love with him.

The list he had on his phone was a result of all the searching up that he did on the internet. Yet, two weeks had already passed and Atsumu had yet to make any progress with his plan to make Kiyoomi fall for him.

It was the first time since that fateful Friday night that Atsumu really stopped to think about the why’s and the how’s. It was the first time that Atsumu tried to look back at everything the two of them had done together and realized that he saw no reason at all for Kiyoomi to fall in love with him. After all, Atsumu was the kind of person Kiyoomi always described as someone he hated — annoying, carefree, condescending, selfish, brash.

It was a little funny to him how he knew almost everything that Kiyoomi hated about him, yet he still had zero clue as to what could Kiyoomi like about him. Was trying to be considerate nor kind not enough? Was trying to be forward about his feelings for the raven a little too much? Just how close was too close and how much was too much when it came to Sakusa Kiyoomi? Just how—

Oh.

Oh.

The setter almost burned himself on the pan when realization finally dawned upon him. Atsumu was too focused on expressing his love when he hadn’t even shown Kiyoomi that he could be trusted. Atsumu was too focus on the list he randomly found on the internet when he hadn’t even done anything to close the distance between the two of them. Atsumu was too focused on getting Kiyoomi to fall in love with him when he should be focusing on getting back the relationship that they had lost.

Forget about making Kiyoomi fall in love with him. Today, Atsumu would focus on getting his position back as Kiyoomi’s best friend.

—

Atsumu had nothing else to do on his flat, so as soon as he finished eating his breakfast and preparing for his day, he headed immediately towards the gymnasium. He might as well practice by himself with his spare time and probably think about what would he do next now that he had a different game plan.

Atsumu expected an empty gymnasium, but as soon as he stepped inside, the sound of the ball smashing against the floor immediately caught his attention. Atsumu shifted his gaze towards the spiker who hit the ball and felt the familiar funny feeling on his stomach as soon as he saw Kiyoomi — already glistened with sweat as proof of his hard work early in the morning. Atsumu would be lying if he said that he didn’t want to just run into Kiyoomi and smother him with his dose of compliments for the day.

But Atsumu knew better than to repeat the mistakes he made for the past two weeks. So, the setter decided to settle on a simple greeting.

“Mornin’, Omi!”

The raven was dribbling a ball against the floor when Atsumu’s voice caught his attention. He shifted his gaze towards Atsumu, furrowing his brows as if he was wary of Atsumu’s next actions, but the blonde just proceeded to the locker room to change to his practice clothes and start his warm-ups.

When he came back to the court and started stretching, he felt a little tense due to the gaze directed at him, but Atsumu didn’t dare to look back. Atsumu didn’t dare to meet that gaze lest he surrender the self-restraint he was trying so hard to hold onto. And when Kiyoomi seemed to be satisfied and sure that Atsumu wouldn’t randomly surprise him, the raven went back to his own business of smashing the balls over and over again to the other side of the net.

Atsumu took a ball and started to practice tossing the ball repeatedly against the wall. For moments, there was only the loud wham of the ball as it hit the floor whenever Kiyoomi would serve, and the minimal clack clack clack of the ball as Atsumu tossed it repeatedly against the wall. Slowly, the tension that Atsumu was feeling turned into tranquility. He didn’t know if it was the wham against the floor, or maybe the clack clack clack against the wall, or maybe the squelch of Kiyoomi’s shoes as he did his run-up for the serve, or maybe Atsumu’s breathing which was starting to pick up as he set his pace faster.

Or maybe it was the consonance between all of those things and the harmony which seemed to fill the place along with the breeze of the wind and the chirp of the birds flying freely outside the gym.

Atsumu felt like an idiot for not realizing this any sooner.

It wasn’t like he and Kiyoomi became close just because he kept on following Kiyoomi around nor because he always put his best foot forward for Kiyoomi. It wasn’t like he became Kiyoomi’s best friend because he was funny or his skin looked good or he cooked breakfast for the raven. It wasn’t like the distance between them grew so short because Atsumu always agreed with him or because Atsumu was always available for Kiyoomi.

Oddly enough, the two of them only became close because both of them knew how to keep their distance.

Atsumu had always been quite respectful of Kiyoomi’s boundaries. Atsumu knew just how close is too close and how much is too much. Atsumu always kept a comfortable distance with Kiyoomi and the raven did the same to him. Atsumu was once again reminded that Kiyoomi only became comfortable around him because Atsumu knew when not to push his luck. Atsumu knew exactly how to not overwhelm Kiyoomi.

Not because Atsumu was so willing to finally dive freely into the ocean with no holds barred meant that Kiyoomi was the same. So, for now, Atsumu would take his time. For now, Atsumu would keep himself at bay and enjoy the serenity of the ocean just by walking down the shoreline, like how he did before. Atsumu would take little steps, tiny steps, baby steps, until Kiyoomi would finally be comfortable enough to step into the ocean with him.

“Toss to me, Miya.”

The words suddenly came and Atsumu immediately ceased tossing against the wall. He couldn’t help the smile which formed on his lips as he shifted his gaze towards the spiker, nodding his head immediately.

“Sure.”

That was but a little step, but Atsumu would still count this as a win.

—

After that day, Atsumu would always go to practice earlier than usual and share the silence of the gymnasium only with Kiyoomi. The two of them did their trainings separately and Atsumu never bothered Kiyoomi unless he needed Kiyoomi’s opinion about the serve he was practicing or the toss he was trying to perfect. And every now and then, Kiyoomi would ask Atsumu to toss for him to which the blonde was more than willing to oblige.

The setter was very much content with their morning routine, until the change in that routine came one Thursday morning when Atsumu finally had the guts to send a message to Kiyoomi half an hour past six. Before sending the message, Atsumu initially placed the pancakes and scrambled eggs on a plate, trying to make it look like the photos he kept on seeing on Instagram. Atsumu took a picture afterwards and sent the photo to Kiyoomi.

To: Omi ❤

[photo sent]

Bet ya cant make better pancakes than me ( ｀ ω´ )

Atsumu expected a competitive streak of messages to be exchanged between the two of them, but Kiyoomi only read the message and didn’t bother sending any replies. The blonde pursed his lips and wondered if the taunt was not good enough, but he dismissed the idea into Kiyoomi just being grumpy once again and proceeded to eat his breakfast.

Yet, half an hour and one morning shower later, Atsumu found two messages sitting on his inbox.

From: Omi ❤

[photo sent]

You suck.

Atsumu felt his jaw almost dropped as he saw the photo sent to him. Kiyoomi cooked pancakes which seemed more fluffier than Atsumu. The pancake was topped with maple syrup, fresh berries, and banana slices. Atsumu furrowed his brows as he looked at the eggs situated on a different plate beside the pancake. Those were not just simple eggs; those were egg muffins which Atsumu absolutely loved.

Yet, Atsumu still flashed a grin on his face as he typed one provoking message.

To: Omi ❤

Not coz yours look better means that it tastes better too!! <( ｀ ^´)>

From: Omi ❤

Loser. Go early to the gym and I’ll prove you wrong.

Atsumu pumped a fist in the air as he received the message before he ran towards his room to change his clothes. He got to the gymnasium in record time, almost tripping several times along the way, but Atsumu couldn’t care less — not when he finally had a reason to have a taste of Kiyoomi’s cooking once again.

When Kiyoomi finally arrived, Atsumu had to hold himself back from running towards the raven immediately. He settled on walking slowly towards the raven, trying to play it cool as much as he could, like he wasn’t just running from one end of the court to another a few moments ago to calm himself down.

Kiyoomi just smirked at him before he placed his bag down, opening it just to bring out the container where he placed his cooked pancakes and the egg muffins Atsumu had almost been drooling over since earlier. Atsumu reached out for the container, but Kiyoomi immediately pulled it back.

“Admit that you’re a loser first,” Kiyoomi muttered with a smirk.

“We won’t know that ‘til I taste those pancakes!”

“You’ll never admit that my pancakes are better once you ate all of it. I bet you only used those pancake mixes you bought in the supermarket, anyway.”

Atsumu groaned a little, rolling his eyes at Kiyoomi as if he really was annoyed at the raven. Truth was, Atsumu knew he wouldn’t stand a chance against Kiyoomi’s pancake and he was dying to have a taste of it along with the egg muffins which the raven prepared.

“’Yer such a fuckin’ ass.”

Kiyoomi just scoffed a little before he grinned at Atsumu’s way.

“I know.”

Atsumu took a deep breath as he placed his hands against his hips, rolling his eyes at Kiyoomi as he heaved a sigh of defeat.

“Fuckin’ fine. I lose.”

That was all it took for Kiyoomi to finally give him the container along with utensils for him to eat said breakfast. Atsumu would probably run one more set than his usual as this was his second breakfast for the day. Atsumu would probably never hear the end of Kiyoomi’s taunts now that the setter explicitly admitted that he lost against Kiyoomi. Yet, Atsumu couldn’t find it in him to care about any of the repercussions which came with admitting his loss against his best friend.

Atsumu just continued to eat the fluffy pancakes, letting himself relish the taste of the breakfast made just for him.

And in his books, Atsumu would still count this as a win.

—

The mini competitions continued inside and outside the court. Atsumu felt a sense of normalcy in the way the two of them would end up rolling their eyes at each other, smirking at each other, or just “accidentally” throwing balls at each other. It isn’t by much, but he could sense the two of them going back to their old ways slowly, little by little, and Atsumu would always include this tiny victories into his list of wins.

He couldn’t really remember when it started, but the mini competitions begun to lead them into going into the gymnasium together early in the morning and walking back together to their building late at night. This time around, Atsumu didn’t need any words to ask, didn’t need any pleads in order for the permission to be granted. Atsumu would just wait for Kiyoomi on the lobby of their building and the two of them would fall into a comfortable silence as they walk towards their gym. Atsumu would just take one glance at Kiyoomi every after training and a simple nod was enough for him to know that Kiyoomi would stay with him for extra practice.

Sometimes, Atsumu would take longer than usual in the shower room and he always told himself not to raise any expectations nor any hopes. He always told himself to be prepared to face the cold of the evening walking alone in the sidewalk. Yet, every single time, Atsumu would always find Kiyoomi still waiting for him in the gym.

Among all the petty competitions they had outside the court, Atsumu’s favorite was still the cooking competition. After all, what started as sending photos to each other of the dishes they cooked, ended up with the two of them always bringing said dishes into a bento box to taste test in the gymnasium. Atsumu finally had the reason to cook for Kiyoomi and have a taste of Kiyoomi’s cooking, even if it meant that he would receive tons of criticisms about his food and never-ending taunts of how Kiyoomi was so much better than him.

And just when Atsumu thought their relationship couldn’t get any more better, one Saturday morning found Kiyoomi in Atsumu’s kitchen while complaining about every single thing lacking in the fridge and the kitchen cabinets.

It all started when Atsumu sent a photo of Okonomiyaki he begged Osamu to teach him how to cook. It turned out pretty fine after all the nights he spent just eating the failed results of his attempts in cooking the said dish. Before the blonde could even have a taste of his own dish, his doorbell rang and Atsumu immediately headed to see who was at the door.

Atsumu almost dropped his jaw as he saw Kiyoomi in front of his door, one brow raised and his arms crossed against his chest.

“I have to make sure Osamu isn’t there with you.”

And those words were more than enough affirmation that this time around, he probably really cooked the dish right — good enough for Kiyoomi to have suspicions that Osamu was the one who cooked the food, good enough for Kiyoomi to go down on his own accord and get inside Atsumu’s flat like it’s a place that he owned.

Atsumu was too caught in the surprise that it took him a while to notice that Kiyoomi already welcomed himself into Atsumu’s home. The raven stood in the genkan for a while, staring at the pair of black indoor slippers sitting on Atsumu’s shoe rack.

“That’s not your size,” Kiyoomi muttered and Atsumu felt his heartbeat hammer against his chest. Right. He hadn’t disposed yet of the slippers meant for Kiyoomi’s use.

For why would he? When he was still hoping for this exact moment when the raven would be back into his flat like how he used to before.

“Uh, yeah. It’s for guests? It’s clean! Don’t worry. I just washed it last week and I had no guests ever since.” Atsumu tried to be casual about it. Kiyoomi just looked back at him and stared at him for a moment, as if trying to figure out the truth behind those words. The setter almost wanted to look away, because with that gaze he always felt so bare, so naked, like Kiyoomi would be able to easily see through all the little white lies.

When Kiyoomi broke the staring contest and finally slipped on the indoor slippers, the raven headed straight to Atsumu’s kitchen and the blonde let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. He immediately followed the raven to the kitchen, the tension easing out as he watched Kiyoomi look at every nook and cranny like Osamu would be able to fit into any of those places.

“C’mon! Will it kill ‘ya to believe that I cooked that?”

Kiyoomi just glared at him like he would throw him daggers at any moment. Atsumu had to check his kitchen counter to ensure that his knife rack wasn’t anywhere near the raven before he could finally feel at ease.

“You didn’t order that?”

“I didn’t! Osamu taught me. But hey! I cooked this on my own!” Atsumu explained as he watched Kiyoomi’s expression slowly change. Kiyoomi’s eyes started to shift to anywhere else but Atsumu. His lips started to purse a little. His arms fell down his sides and his hands were now pocketed inside his sweatpants. Atsumu’s brows furrowed a little as he tried to understand, until an idea struck him and a grin started to form on his face.

“’Ya don’t know how to cook Okonomiyaki.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. Atsumu would not give Kiyoomi any chance to lie in this situation when finally, the blonde would have something related to cooking which he could win against Kiyoomi.

Atsumu just stared at him for one, two, maybe three more seconds before the raven finally rolled his eyes and sighed in defeat. It was everything Atsumu needed to see and to hear for him to pump his fist in the air as a sign of his victory. Atsumu was almost jumping over his small triumph, dancing a little in front of Kiyoomi just so he could tease Kiyoomi over this little thing.

“Omi-kun, d’ya want me to teach ‘ya how to cook Okonomiyaki, hmm?”

Atsumu chuckled as he asked the question, but the straightforward and blunt response which Kiyoomi gave him made him immediately halt.

“Sure.”

And that’s how Atsumu found himself listening to Kiyoomi as he complained about the almost empty kitchen cabinets and all the other lacking ingredients for one more set of Okonomiyaki on his fridge.

“If there’s an apocalypse tomorrow then I’d be glad to see you die,” Kiyoomi muttered as he closed the last kitchen cabinet which had nothing but an empty container of cooking oil inside.

“Bold of ‘ya to assume ‘m not gonna leech off of ‘yer food supplies, Omi.”

“Bold of you to assume that I’d even let you into my place, idiot.”

“Touché.”

The two of them fell into another silence, but this time around Atsumu felt some kind of tension running through his veins. It had been a while since Kiyoomi went to his flat on his own accord. It had been a while since Kiyoomi was right there with him on a weekend outside the court. It had been a while since Atsumu had any reason to have Kiyoomi around aside from volleyball and he wished to any deities out there to make this moment last. And before Atsumu could even open his mouth to mutter a random suggestion, Kiyoomi finally broke the silence between them two.

“I’m a day early, but wanna go grocery shopping?”

Atsumu had to bite his lips hard, so hard, just to keep himself from saying any embarrassing things lest Kiyoomi take his offer back. Atsumu took a deep breath and nodded in agreement, trying to keep his cool despite his desire to just jump towards Kiyoomi and wrap him in a big old hug.

“Sure! Lemme just get changed. You can go eat the Okonomiyaki for now, Omi!”

Atsumu said before running towards his room and shutting the door immediately behind him. The blonde trapped his cheeks between his palms as he take deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths to calm the hammering against his chest. Atsumu wanted to jump around, to say his thanks to every deity listening to him, to scream his happiness at the blessing that was given to him.

This, by far, was the largest step that their relationship had taken ever since that one fateful Friday night.

And Atsumu could only wish that he was well on his way to once again becoming Kiyoomi’s best friend.

—

It wasn’t their usual Sunday grocery shopping, but Atsumu still felt like it was all the same. Atsumu drove the two of them towards the supermarket while listening to songs he knew Kiyoomi would love. Throughout the entire ride there was only the music resonating in the car, but every now and then Kiyoomi would nag at Atsumu about how he should properly use the car signals, or how he should stop taking a different route because the traffic was way worse on the roads he had chosen to take, or how annoying it was that he parked slightly off to the left instead of dead center.

Atsumu groaned at every nag, rolled his eyes whenever he knew Kiyoomi was looking at him, but those gestures always came with a small smile on his lips.

The blonde had no idea what he should buy in the grocery. After all, his mind only had enough capacity to process the fact that Kiyoomi asked him to buy groceries with him. Apparently, Kiyoomi already made a list of things that Atsumu needed to buy during the short amount of time when the blonde was busy trying to calm himself down.

After all the arguments they had to have whenever they would enter a new aisle, (‘You don’t need that much junk food.’ ‘There’s never enough junk food, Omi.’ ‘Bacon is unhealthy.’ ‘Someday I’m gonna die anyway whether I eat bacon or not.’ ‘Those fruits are just gonna rot in your fridge if you buy them all at once.’ ‘M gonna finish them all! Trust me!’) the two of them finally finished shopping after two hours. There wasn’t enough time for them to go back and prepare their lunch, so they ended up going to McDonald’s drive thru just because Kiyoomi lost in janken.

Atsumu wanted to eat their lunch as soon as they got home, but Kiyoomi refused to do so until the groceries had finally been situated on their rightful places. Atsumu whined every now and then, making sure that Kiyoomi would hear him just so he could tease the raven and annoy him. Yet, Kiyoomi just kicked him as a response and made sure that Atsumu was placing the groceries properly into the kitchen cabinet.

It was a little after five in the afternoon when the raven finally stood up from the couch and told Atsumu that he’d go back to his own flat. Atsumu almost wanted to ask him to stay, wanted to find another reason to delay Kiyoomi, but Atsumu knew better than to push Kiyoomi’s boundaries. Atsumu knew better than to overwhelm Kiyoomi with all these new little things.

So, Atsumu just ushered Kiyoomi towards the genkan to bid his goodbye.

Just when Atsumu was about to close the door, Kiyoomi suddenly turned back and stared directly at the blonde.

“Uhh, you left something?” Atsumu asked before stepping back to take a peek at the living room. When he found nothing, the blonde looked back at the raven only to be surprised by Kiyoomi’s next few words.

“Thanks for today, Atsumu.”

It was a little too much for Atsumu to handle, a little too much for Atsumu to keep his sanity and not embarrass himself in front of the man he loved. This day had been full of many surprises and he didn’t even have enough energy left to respond to Kiyoomi’s display of gratitude. The raven just turned his back after he waved his hand at the blonde, heading towards the elevator to go back to his own flat.

For a few minutes, Atsumu just stood on his door, staring at the corridor where the raven once walked his way down to the elevator. Atsumu just stood on his door until Kiyoomi’s words were finally processed in his mind.

He just called me Atsumu.

And Atsumu would count this as a win.

—

This time around, Atsumu was more aware of the little changes, the little improvements in his and Kiyoomi’s relationship, the little shifts in their dynamic from being just best friends to something a little more akin to partners.

Atsumu noticed it in the way Kiyoomi would order too much Tuna Onigiri only to give all the excess to Atsumu. And every time he did, the blonde could feel his chest swell up in pride and bliss knowing that Kiyoomi remembered his favorite.

It took Atsumu a while to notice that Kiyoomi always remembered his favorites. Like that time when Kiyoomi finally started to suggest having strawberry ice cream instead of the usual vanilla one. Or that time when Kiyoomi cooked more egg muffins to come with his pancakes for Atsumu to enjoy. Or that time when Kiyoomi initiated to take a different route home just so they could pass by the bakery which Atsumu once said had the tastiest croissants.

Atsumu never teased Kiyoomi about it. Atsumu knew not to push him too much lest he be deprived of these little affections that Kiyoomi was providing.

Kiyoomi had been closer to him, too — physical distance wise. Atsumu noticed it in the way the two of them would always sit together in the bus even when there were a lot of other seats still empty. And what started with Kiyoomi just plainly listening to the songs on his phone ended with Kiyoomi sharing his earphones to Atsumu just so they could both listen to the newest releases until they get themselves lost to beats of the music.

Atsumu noticed it in the way their hands would accidentally brush against each other every time they were walking to the gymnasium or walking back home. Atsumu would always mutter an immediate sorry, but Kiyoomi would just shrug and continue walking like nothing happened at all.

Atsumu didn’t know if it was because Kiyoomi knew that the blonde kept a hand sanitizer around, making sure to use it especially when he was within Kiyoomi’s boundaries. Nevertheless, Atsumu would gladly take every single inch, every single centimeter, or even just a single millimeter of distance ebbing between them two.

But the most apparent change in their relationship would be their Friday nights.

This time around, Kiyoomi was the one who suggested to have a few drinks every Friday night as a mini celebration for yet another week of games and trainings survived. So, Friday nights were spent together in Atsumu’s mini bar, exchanging drinks, talking about anything and everything, laughing about the silliest things amidst the ‘90s music playing on Atsumu’s speakers and the dim lights providing them with minimal glow.

And every now and then, Kiyoomi would drink until his face was too flushed from the heat, until the alcohol had given him enough courage to tell embarrassing stories on his own, until he had enough courage to finally send Atsumu that look — the one which was filled with a little more fondness, a little more affection, a little more admiration.

Just like that, Atsumu knew that the time was almost up. He knew that soon they would be back to zero and Atsumu would once again grind his way closer to Kiyoomi’s heart.

Yet, nothing could still have prepared him when Kiyoomi asked him that question.

“Drinks on my place tonight?”

Atsumu knew it was the finish line. It was all too apparent in the tenderness behind that question, in the way Kiyoomi just leaned a little closer as he asked Atsumu for permission, in the way Kiyoomi looked at him so expectantly — like anything else aside from a yes would be so hard for him to bear.

“Sure, Omi,” Atsumu answered almost inaudibly, yet loud enough just for the two of them to hear. Kiyoomi just nodded and continued walking. The setter may not see the expression behind that mask, but he knew Kiyoomi’s eyes would never lie.

Atsumu knew that Kiyoomi was smiling — and that in itself was more than worth all the risks.

—

It wasn’t the first time that Atsumu had been in Kiyoomi’s flat, but it certainly was the first time that he took his time to actually look around the place and notice the little details surrounding Kiyoomi’s home.

It wasn’t too different to his place: a minimalist bachelor’s pad with a living room, one master’s bedroom, one guestroom, and a small kitchen. But instead of grey and white filling the walls, Kiyoomi’s place was filled only with the color of deep blue and a few paintings of the ocean hanging here and there.

Atsumu smiled a little as he saw how this place perfectly represented someone like Sakusa Kiyoomi.

He couldn’t help but start to engrave each and every new thing he was finding out about Kiyoomi — like how the raven seemed to like collecting shells; or how he had a manga collection filled with stories which Atsumu definitely remembered he kept on bugging Kiyoomi to read; or how there were pictures of Bokuto, Hinata, Kiyoomi, and Atsumu framed properly and flaunted on one of the shelves in the living room.

The blonde was a little mesmerized at the huge frame of medals hanging at the center of the room. Atsumu didn’t even have to look closely to know that those were the proof of Kiyoomi’s hard work, the proof of Kiyoomi being recognized as the best player, the proof of Kiyoomi taking the top. Atsumu knew just how much of a monster Kiyoomi was inside the court, yet seeing all these tokens of recognition still made him fall for the raven even more.

“Bourbon or Scotch?” Kiyoomi asked from his mini bar and only then did the blonde finally followed the raven.

“Bourbon,” he answered as he took a sit on one of the stools, letting Kiyoomi pour him a glass of Bourbon. Atsumu saw Kiyoomi pour himself a glass of Scotch before the two of them toasted to yet another night filled with moments shared and known only to them both.

Atsumu drank what was in his glass immediately, wandering his eyes around the flat to take note of all the little things that he would probably not see for a long time once again. Atsumu wandered his eyes around and his gaze fell on the paintings of the ocean and the deep blue walls where it was hanging. The blonde took another sip from his glass before he said, “I didn’t know ‘ya liked the ocean.”

Kiyoomi hummed as an answer and asked, “Who doesn’t?”

Atsumu chuckled for a moment, finishing up his glass before he grabbed the bottle of Bourbon to pour himself a generous amount. Atsumu grabbed his glass and twirled it for a few moments before taking a sip once again.

“I used to be afraid of the ocean,” Atsumu confessed in a voice too quiet, too reserved, like it was a sin to be afraid of such a majestic place. “I almost drowned once. That’s when I realized that it’s too vast, too deep, and for the longest time I was just afraid.”

Kiyoomi was just looking at him, keeping his silence as he listened to the confession. Atsumu couldn’t meet his gaze — no, not yet. He knew that once he met that gaze he would once again feel so bare, so naked, so sinful. Atsumu knew that once he met that gaze he would find himself once again praying for the time to stop, for things to stay the same, for Kiyoomi to forgive him for the sin of making him forget.

“Are you still afraid?” Kiyoomi asked when he figured Atsumu had stopped his confession. The setter just chuckled, taking his time to think about his answer. Was he still afraid? If he were, then he wouldn’t be here trying to make Kiyoomi fall in love with him. If he were, then he wouldn’t be sparing all these efforts to get closer to Kiyoomi just for the raven to forget about all of it later on.

But if he weren’t afraid anymore, then he also shouldn’t be feeling the pang of pain against his chest with just the thought of Kiyoomi not remembering any of this tomorrow, right?

In his silence, Kiyoomi found Atsumu’s answer to the question.

Suddenly, there were fingers brushing against Atsumu’s hands situated on top of the bar counter. Atsumu shifted his gaze towards his hand, surprise evident on his face as he saw Kiyoomi’s fingers working its way on top of his, slowly, gently — the barest of touch sending a shiver down Atsumu’s spine.

There was nothing but silence between them both, but Atsumu could still hear the question loud and clear.

So, Atsumu gladly gave the permission waiting to be granted. He finally moved his fingers until they were all intertwined with Kiyoomi’s, until he could no longer decipher whether the heat he was feeling was coming from the alcohol or from fingers laced around his.

“Then, I’ll go with you. Whenever you want to. So, you don’t need to be afraid anymore.”

Finally, Atsumu found the courage to look at Kiyoomi and meet that gaze. Atsumu finally met that gaze and in those eyes Atsumu could almost see the vision that Kiyoomi was having. In those eyes Atsumu could almost see the wishes that Kiyoomi would never admit out loud. In those eyes Atsumu could almost see the future dreamed by the raven in front of him.

In those eyes Atsumu could see himself.

The setter felt the lump starting to form on his throat, the tears starting to well on his eyes, and the wide smile starting to form on his lips. The words sounded so magical in the silence of the night — amidst the glasses of Bourbon and Scotch, amidst the gaze only directed at him, amidst the warmth of the fingers intertwined with his.

Those words were more than enough for Atsumu to understand the sincerity of feelings finally acknowledged and confessed.

Atsumu placed his glass of Bourbon aside only so he can slowly close the distance between the two of them. One inch, one centimeter, one millimeter closer, Atsumu inched himself towards Kiyoomi until he could almost feel Kiyoomi’s breath against his face, until he could almost smell the Scotch against Kiyoomi’s lips.

And then, Atsumu dived in for a kiss.

Kiyoomi answered the kiss with much fervor, his free hand slowly travelling from Atsumu’s cheeks, down to his shoulders, down to Atsumu’s back until it slowly reached the setter’s hips. The blonde took it as his cue to finally stand up from his stool just so Kiyoomi could wrap his arms around his waist and pull them closer together — eliminating whatever distance was left between their bodies.

Atsumu had never been a fan of Scotch, but in Kiyoomi he found himself enjoying the flavor. In Kiyoomi he found himself relishing the fine taste of having the two types of whiskey mix with each other. In Kiyoomi he found himself getting drunk in the alcohol, in the kiss, in the confession of love and admiration, in the vision of a future where Atsumu was right there, standing by Kiyoomi’s side.

The two of them only broke the kiss to catch their breaths. Atsumu looked at Kiyoomi and smiled as he placed another peck on his lips. A bulb suddenly lit on the setter’s mind and Atsumu pulled away a little, fishing his phone out of his pocket to send a message to Kiyoomi. The raven furrowed his brows at the action, but grabbed his phone anyway as soon as the notification bell chimed in.

‘Grocery shopping together! Tomorrow at 9, kayy?’

Kiyoomi looked at Atsumu after reading the message, rolling his eyes before letting a chuckle escape his lips.

“You really stopped our make-out session just to send that message.”

“Omiii! Send ‘yer response via text. Hurry.”

“It’s not like I’ll forget about our schedule, Atsumu.”

The blonde couldn’t help the bittersweet feeling blooming on his chest as he heard those words from the raven. He offered Kiyoomi a small smile before placing another peck on his lips.

“Just in case, Omi. Please?”

Kiyoomi stared at him for one, two, or maybe three more seconds before he finally nodded and sent a quick ‘Sure’. When everything was said and done, the raven placed their phones aside, eager to continue the moment that was interrupted by Atsumu’s random urges.

“Stay the night?”

Atsumu smiled a little, resting his forehead against Kiyoomi’s before he nodded in agreement.

“Sure.”

Tonight, Atsumu found himself getting drunk in one Sakusa Kiyoomi.

—

5:43 am

There was no sign of the sun rising up completely yet and neither had his alarm gone off, but Atsumu woke up with the warmth of the arms wrapped tightly around him. The blonde tried to fall back to slumber by burying his face against Kiyoomi’s chest, letting the scent of honey and lemon greet him with a good morning. Atsumu wanted to fall back to sleep, but he knew that he had to get out of Kiyoomi’s flat before the raven woke up. He knew that the time was limited.

After all, he didn’t want to scare Kiyoomi with his presence in the raven’s bedroom. For why would a mere teammate be sleeping right there beside him, sharing the warmth of their naked bodies under the newly changed sheets?

Atsumu took his time staring at Kiyoomi in his sleep. He took his time engraving that beauty into his mind, the two moles, the bridge of his nose, the plump lips, the heaving of his shoulders as he breathed calmly in his sleep, the occasional furrowing of his brows like he was having a wild adventure on his dreams.

Atsumu took his time before he finally got up, dressed in his clothes, and went out of Kiyoomi’s flat.

Atsumu busied himself with his morning routine when he got back to his own flat. He took a shower, checked the time, whipped up some breakfast, checked the time, reviewed his volleyball game statistics, checked the time, annoyed his twin via a barrage of messages, checked the time, checked the time, checked the time.

Atsumu was doing his usual morning routine, but time seemed to run so slow and Atsumu was already itching to go back to Kiyoomi’s floor and finally confirm the outcome of the moments they shared last night.

8:45 am

When the time on his phone finally hit a quarter before nine, Atsumu grabbed his keys and his jacket before heading back to Kiyoomi’s flat. The setter was already expecting the worse, already expecting the same old thing to happen once again, but he could still feel his heart almost leaping out of his chest as he pressed Kiyoomi’s doorbell.

When Kiyoomi finally opened the door, Atsumu flashed him a wide smile and greeted the raven in usual cheery voice.

“Good morning, Omi!”

And in Kiyoomi’s eyes, in Kiyoomi’s confused gaze, in the crease of his forehead and the arms crossed against his chest, Atsumu already found his answer.

He took a deep breath to compose himself, ready to start talking once again to hide the bittersweet feeling of this very familiar scenario transpiring in front of him, but Kiyoomi beat him into speaking up once again.

“What is it this time, Atsumu?”

Those were the same words he heard Kiyoomi ask him after that one fateful Friday night — except it’s not exactly the same. Atsumu blinked repeatedly, trying to process if he had heard things correctly, trying to repeat the words over and over in his mind like doing so would change any of its meaning. When the blonde was sure that he was not hallucinating, a wide smile found its way back on Atsumu’s lips.

“’Yer about to be late for our grocery shopping, Omi. Can’t believe ‘yer making me wait for your tardy ass,” Atsumu said as a little tease to start their morning.

“And why would I go with you?” Kiyoomi asked with one of his brows raised.

“’Ya agreed to it,” Atsumu said with a grin before he continued, “Check ‘yer messages, why don’tcha?”

Kiyoomi rolled his eyes before he fished his phone out of his pocket. Atsumu almost chuckled at the way Kiyoomi blinked repeatedly as he saw what was on his screen, at the way his brows furrowed in confusion, at the way he closed his eyes as if he was regretting every single life choices that he had which brought him to this very moment, at the way he heaved a sigh of defeat and finally looked back at Atsumu once again.

God, Atsumu loved this man so much.

“Fine. Wait for me in the parking lot.”

Atsumu just did a salute before Kiyoomi finally shut his door close. The blonde finally let out the chuckle he was holding back before he headed towards the elevator, whistling an anime song he learned from Bokuto as he basked in the tiny source of hope and happiness that he found this morning.

After all, the setter had proven that not everything was back to square one.

He called me Atsumu.

And Atsumu would count this as a win.

Chapter Text

It was pretty amazing to Atsumu how he could still learn a multitude of new things about Kiyoomi even after spending a lot of time with the raven, most of which were spent with just the two of them alone.

It was amazing how he just recently found out that Kiyoomi was fond of watching horror and thriller movies, especially those with really gore content, but he was not fond of playing games which had a lot of jump scares and creepy graphic contents.

‘I like you, Omi!’ Atsumu would always blurt out whenever the two of them were playing games in Atsumu’s flat or even in the changing room with Bokuto and Hinata.

It was amazing how he just recently found out that the Sakusa Kiyoomi actually had some groove, evidenced by the video saved on Atsumu’s phone (and backed up on Atsumu’s laptop) with Kiyoomi dancing as a result of losing in a team drinking game.

‘I like you, Omi!’ Atsumu blurted out after he saw Kiyoomi dancing which earned a lot of joshes and taunts from their teammates. Kiyoomi kicked Atsumu on his shin as soon as he was within the raven’s reach, but Atsumu thought that it was all worth it.

It was amazing how he just recently found out that Kiyoomi didn’t like eating carrots no matter what the dish was. And as soon as Atsumu noticed the aversion to the vegetable, he made sure to cook curry with a lot of carrots in it just so he could spite Kiyoomi during one of their cooking competitions.

‘I like you, Omi!’ Atsumu would always say whenever the two of them would be eating a curry together and Kiyoomi was making a face because of all the carrots Atsumu had placed in the said dish.

Atsumu made sure to be vocal about his feelings, but he was still careful not to step over the line which Kiyoomi always drew whenever the two of them would be back to being just best friends. He was careful not to step over the line which he slowly realized was starting to get thinner the more time they spent together, easier for Kiyoomi to set aside and let Atsumu inside his own comfort zone — inside the boundary Atsumu was only ever allowed to step into once the feelings started to shift from being best friends to something more akin to partners.

It only took Atsumu a month and a half to make Kiyoomi fall for him for the third time.

It only took Atsumu a month to make Kiyoomi fall for him for the fourth time.

It only took Atsumu three weeks to make Kiyoomi fall for him for the fifth time.

By this time, Atsumu already realized just how important to Kiyoomi was his own space, his own home. Kiyoomi’s flat was one of the few places where Kiyoomi could truly let his guard down, could truly let himself be seen bare, could truly let himself throw out any and all the existing façades. It was one of the few places where Kiyoomi felt secured, sheltered, safe.

After all, every time Kiyoomi would finally recognize the feelings he was bearing for one Miya Atsumu, the raven would always invite the blonde to his own flat, ready to share a secret Atsumu already knew, yet Atsumu had never gotten tired of hearing about.

Atsumu was honestly happy and content with what the two of them had. He was happy about the fact that Kiyoomi never called him ‘Miya’ again, except for the few times when Atsumu would piss the raven off and Kiyoomi would call him with his surname out of spite. He was happy about the fact that this time around, he didn’t lose everything. This time around, a larger part of their relationship continued to be intact and existing between their memories.

This time around, Kiyoomi remained to be his best friend despite the feelings that always vanished in just the span of a night.

Everything was going so well between them both and Atsumu could almost swear he could live the rest of his life just doing this — just spending his days trying to express his feelings for Kiyoomi and trying to make the raven fall in love with him all over again.

Everything was going so well between them both, but every now and then Atsumu would notice the raven just staring at the setter like he wanted to ask something. Sometimes Atsumu would catch Kiyoomi reading their conversation over the phone, browsing the text messages exchanged even at the ungodly hours of the day. Atsumu would always ask Kiyoomi what the matter was, but the raven would just immediately hide his phone like he was caught red-handed in doing something he shouldn’t be doing.

Sometimes, Atsumu thought that maybe Kiyoomi was finally catching up. Maybe Kiyoomi was finally noticing the little traces of evidence which would prove that they had something more than just being best friends.

“Don’tcha think it’s time ‘ya tell him everythin’, ‘Tsumu?”

Atsumu would be lying if he said he didn’t have the urge to confess his secret to Kiyoomi every time the raven was acting a little chary. He would be lying if he said he didn’t want Kiyoomi to know and to remember. Was Atsumu’s pride getting in the way? Was it because he wanted to prove at least to himself that he could make Kiyoomi fall in love with him over and over again? Was it because he felt like telling Kiyoomi the truth would be like having a cheat code? Was he scared that Kiyoomi would not believe him? Was he scared that Kiyoomi would see him as someone crazy for making up such a far-fetched story?

No. It wasn’t something as petty as that.

Atsumu knew exactly what the reason was, but he tried to bury it so deep and pretend that it never really existed on the first place.

“Wait. I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Don’t you dare to move any of those blocks, you cheater.” Kiyoomi’s voice brought Atsumu back to the current. The two of them was in Atsumu’s living room, spending the night with board games, cola, and Atsumu’s favorites snacks at their disposal.

“Oh! The lights in the guest bathroom isn’t fixed yet. Just go use the one in my bedroom. Also, don’t be such a sore loser, Omi. I did not cheat,” Atsumu said with a grin before grabbing his phone to entertain himself with twitter posts while waiting for the raven to come back. Atsumu chuckled at the video of Kageyama and Hinata learning how to ride a skateboard and how much the two of them had been utterly failing. Atsumu smiled a little at the sappy post Suna had for Osamu and he made sure to leave another annoying comment just for the sake of it.

Atsumu kept on browsing his phone until he noticed how long Kiyoomi was taking in the bathroom. Was it number two? Surely not. Kiyoomi would rather go back to his own flat than to do that in a bathroom he didn’t own. The blonde finally stood up from his seat and headed towards his bedroom.

“Omi? Is everything alr—”

The setter halted as soon as he saw his bathroom door open with Kiyoomi just staring at all the things sitting on top of his counter.

“I always wondered why you have an extra pair of slippers that was exactly my size,” Kiyoomi started, his gaze not leaving all of the things on top of Atsumu’s counter — things which were left by the raven in his bathroom as a result of all of their previous Friday night arrangements.

The blonde tried not to flinch at the question. He gulped the lump starting to form on his throat before he answered with a chuckle, “I told ‘ya it’s for guests, Omi.”

“Why do you have all of my skin care products?” Kiyoomi asked, calmly, softly, but something about that question still made Atsumu feel so cold.

“’Ya said… they were good so I had to buy my own.”

“And my body wash?”

“It smelled so good I had to have it.”

“And my toothbrush?”

“Are ‘ya sure it doesn’t just look like yours?”

Kiyoomi looked back at him, his stare sending shivers down Atsumu’s spine. The raven took a deep breath before he finally pointed at one of the open cabinets, taking the liberty to grab the black bathrobe and point at the name engraved on it — Sakusa Kiyoomi.

“Clearly, I’ve stayed in your flat before.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. Kiyoomi wasn’t giving him the chance to answer with yet another little white lie. He wasn’t giving him the chance to find his way out of this without telling the truth. He wasn’t giving him the chance to think about any shitty reasons to explain what really happened.

The raven finally turned the lights off in the bathroom and took his steps towards Atsumu.

“You have my things in your room — things which I thought I somehow managed to lose without any idea where I lost it. You clearly know things about me which I don’t remember ever telling you before. We always have appointments and hang outs I don’t remember agreeing to, but somehow you’d always be able to show me our text conversation as proof that I did agree to it at some point.”

Kiyoomi’s gaze never faltered. His voice was so even that Atsumu almost wanted to believe that the raven was still calm, but the way the white of Kiyoomi’s knuckles were so adamant while he was holding onto the bathrobe told Atsumu otherwise. Atsumu couldn’t find the words to say, couldn’t find the chance to start explaining himself, couldn’t even find where exactly should he begin, until Kiyoomi broke the silence for the two of them once again.

“Did you really think that I wouldn’t notice?”

Atsumu closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He should’ve known. Of course, Kiyoomi would notice the little things. Kiyoomi would notice the little gaps in the memories that he had. Kiyoomi would notice the little shifts in their routine. Kiyoomi would notice the changes in Atsumu’s behavior towards him no matter how small those changes were.

After all, Kiyoomi knew Atsumu the same way Atsumu knew Kiyoomi. Despite the feelings always coming to an end, despite the memories which kept on vanishing, despite the secrets that Kiyoomi kept on forgetting — it didn’t change the fact that Miya Atsumu was Sakusa Kiyoomi’s best friend.

When Atsumu opened his eyes, Kiyoomi was still looking at him, patiently waiting for him to finally release the burden he was handling the entire time all on his own.

“’Ya might not believe it, Omi,” Atsumu said despite knowing that at this point, Kiyoomi would probably believe the most outrageous thing Atsumu could ever say. Yet, Atsumu still said it as a way to buy some time, to buy just a few seconds for him to think about how would he explain this situation to Kiyoomi without the risk of losing him for good.

Because who in their right mind would willingly subject themselves into the agony of losing their memories over and over and over again?

“Trust me. I don’t think your story would top the wild conclusions that I’ve been thinking about, Atsumu.” The blonde chuckled a little at that, finally regaining some composure. He took a seat at the edge of his bed, but Kiyoomi didn’t follow. The raven was still standing, still holding the bath robe on his hands, still staring at Atsumu, still waiting for the inevitable confession. Atsumu closed his eyes for a moment once again before he heaved a sigh of defeat.

“You always lose our memories along with your feelings for me every time you fall in love with me,” Atsumu said as he opened his eyes once again. With the way Kiyoomi didn’t even flinch nor show any surprise with Atsumu’s statement, the blonde had surmised that Kiyoomi had guessed at least this much.

So, Atsumu continued to confess the secret he had been keeping for years. Atsumu told him everything — starting from Hinata Shouyou, to all the momentary relationships he entered into due to his fears, to the moment when he first realized that he was in love with Sakusa Kiyoomi.

He confessed the reason why he asked Kiyoomi to have a friends with benefits arrangement with him before. He confessed the time when he had almost given up everything about them, about their friendship, about the possible relationship that they could have. He confessed about Bokuto’s pep-talk and the efforts which came when he made the decision to make Kiyoomi fall in love with him over and over again.

And Atsumu confessed about all the mornings when Kiyoomi suddenly stopped treating him as someone special and went back to treating him as nothing more than just a friend. Atsumu confessed everything and Kiyoomi listened to him intently, his gaze too focused on Atsumu and Atsumu alone, not letting any of the words the blonde was saying to be missed or to be misheard.

The two of them suddenly fell into silence when Atsumu had finished talking. Atsumu was biting his inner lip as he stared back at Kiyoomi, trying not to let the panic overthrow his rationality. The raven kept his gaze directed at him, but Atsumu knew Kiyoomi’s mind was somewhere else. Kiyoomi was thinking, contemplating, trying to form the possible questions and conclusions that he could have after the litany of confession that Atsumu just did. When Kiyoomi closed his eyes for a moment, he took a deep breath before finally asking the blonde a question.

“How many times?”

Atsumu furrowed his brows at the question and Kiyoomi seemed to have noticed the confusion.

“How many times have I forgotten?”

The blonde took a deep breath, looking down on his hand and folding his fingers one by one as he recalled all the mornings when everything went back to how things were before.

“Five.”

Atsumu didn’t miss it when Kiyoomi flinched at the answer, seemingly surprised at the number he just gave. The raven exhaled shakily, his composure starting to lose its edges the more things Atsumu started to admit.

“And tomorrow morning… tomorrow morning I’ll wake up without a clue about any of these fucking feelings once again.”

Atsumu stiffened at the statement. He wasn’t asking Atsumu for any clarifications. He wasn’t waiting for Atsumu to provide an answer. Kiyoomi said the words like he was trying to remind himself, trying to make sense of everything, trying to accept the fate he was subjected into all because of Atsumu.

The blonde stared at Kiyoomi, tried to wait for the raven to take back those words, tried to wait for the raven to drop the punch line of the joke he was probably saying. Yet, Kiyoomi just looked at him with that gaze — that gaze which he always had the privilege to see amidst the blue walls and ocean paintings and a glass of Bourbon and Scotch on top of the bar counter.

It only took Atsumu five days to make Kiyoomi fall for him for the sixth time.

“We still have a game tomorrow. Let’s take a rest for tonight,” Kiyoomi said and Atsumu was brought out of his stupor. The raven finally broke the gaze directed at the setter before he went out of Atsumu’s room and out of his flat. Atsumu could only follow Kiyoomi with his gaze until the sound of the door closing echoed throughout the entire place.

Atsumu plumped himself on the bed, clenching his fists so hard against the duvet. Then amidst the confusion, amidst the guilt of being the cause of Kiyoomi losing his memories, and amidst the hint of bliss knowing that his feelings were once again requited, Atsumu laughed. Atsumu laughed his heart out and let all his thoughts encompassing a certain raven spiker drown in the sound of his own voice. Atsumu laughed until his throat almost hurt from all the forced joy bubbling out, until he could no longer hide the pain starting to creep out, until he found himself almost suffocating.

“But there’s no tomorrow when it comes to us, Omi.”

It was the first time in a while that Atsumu felt the regret in making Sakusa Kiyoomi fall in love with him.

—

Atsumu went to the game next morning with bags under his eyes. The concealer he used before going out barely had any effect to hide the results of him thinking whether he should give Kiyoomi a call or not. Atsumu received a lot of teasing remarks from his teammates about him being so excited about the game that he couldn’t even sleep — like a kid the night before a field trip.

Atsumu just laughed with them and silently wished that the reason was something as funny as that. Being excited over a game like a kid was still so much better than drowning in his negative thoughts at three in the morning.

Despite the fatigue that Atsumu was feeling due to the lack of sleep, despite wondering what his position was in Kiyoomi’s life right now, and despite Kiyoomi still not talking to him after the events of last night — the two of them was still able to pull off one of their highest performances in the game. The two of them still had the same synergy that they always had. The two of them still understood one another with just one glance, working so perfectly together like two dancers listening to the same melody privy only to them two.

The team had lunch together after the game and Meian announced that practice would resume the day after tomorrow, earning a lot of cheers from the team for their day off. Atsumu just managed to heave a sigh of relief knowing that he at least had some time to sleep and some time to fix things with Kiyoomi before they resumed playing.

But the thing was, Atsumu had no idea where to start considering that Kiyoomi had probably forgotten about everything already — if Kiyoomi’s implied confession last night was anything to go by.

Atsumu thought he’d be able to talk to him after the game, but the blonde hadn’t even seen Kiyoomi after they all took a shower. Kiyoomi didn’t join the team lunch as well and when he asked Meian about it, the captain just told him that Kiyoomi had an important errand to run. The setter took a deep breath as he rubbed his temples, the headache starting to catch up to him after playing with little to no sleep.

Right. Sleep.

Atsumu would deal with his problems head-on. But for now, he figured a few hours of sleep wouldn’t really hurt.

—

Atsumu couldn’t even remember how he managed to walk back to his flat nor how he managed to change into his pajamas before he plumped himself into his bed to sleep.

The blonde didn’t set any alarm and the sun was already setting so the light couldn’t have possibly woken him up. Atsumu coiled against himself under the sheets once again in hopes of falling back to sleep, but the continuous ringing of his notification bell didn’t give him the chance. Atsumu groaned in frustration before he finally grabbed his phone from the side table, blinking his eyes repeatedly as he tried to make out the time shown on his phone.

6:36 pm

It was already half an hour past six, which meant that he had been asleep for almost five hours already. But that was the least of Atsumu’s concerns. Atsumu was more concerned about the overwhelming amount of text messages, missed calls, Twitter and Instagram DMs, and even e-mails from several reporters.

Atsumu had never felt more awake than he was feeling at the moment.

The blonde ignored all the notifications and immediately called his emergency contact. Atsumu bit his fingers as he waited for Osamu to answer, cursing internally as Osamu took his time to pick up the phone. When the sixth ring finally got cut, Atsumu almost shouted his twin’s name in relief.

“’Samu!!”

“You have one minute ‘coz I’m on a fuckin’ date,” Osamu said with more bite than usual, but the blonde was too nervous about what he could have possibly done to warrant the attention of any reporters and for now, he couldn’t care less if there was an apparent animosity to his twin’s voice when he answered the call.

“What did I do this time?!”

For a few seconds there was only the sound of random people talking in the background. Osamu probably was out with Suna and Atsumu made a mental note to send them a gift later on — that is if he lived to see another day without Osamu killing him in his sleep.

“How am I supposed to know that??”

“C’mon, Samu! Y’know all my dumbassery! Why do I have a lot of emails from reporters?? Meian-san is gonna fuckin’ kill me if I did something dumb again!!”

“You. Wait. Aren’tcha with Sakusa-san?”

This time, it was Atsumu who took his time answering, clearly confused with his brother’s question.

“Why would I be with Omi?”

“Well, if you’d please just check Sakusa-san’s Instagram post, then you’d surely have all your answers. Now don’t fuckin’ call me again tonight ‘coz I’ll be busy.” Osamu immediately hang up the phone after that and Atsumu didn’t need to ask anyone else to know what his twin meant with being busy.

Atsumu groaned at the unnecessary piece of information Osamu told him about his dating life. The blonde finally opened his Instagram account and checked Kiyoomi’s recent post. Atsumu furrowed his brows as soon as he saw the photo, blinking repeatedly as if doing so would change what was posted in Kiyoomi’s account. He placed the phone near his face just so he could be sure that he wasn’t just seeing things or having hallucinations due to the panic brought about by his flooded inbox.

Sakusa Kiyoomi just posted a photo of Miya Atsumu.

It was a candid photo showcasing Atsumu’s side profile, staring at the glass of Bourbon on his hand with a small smile on his face. He had no idea when did Kiyoomi take the photo, but he was pretty sure it was during one of the few times that Atsumu had gone up to Kiyoomi’s flat and the two of them spent the night just drinking and talking to each other, listening to secrets they would never tell anyone else.

As if the photo wasn’t surprising enough, Atsumu had to double read the caption of the photo to make himself believe that this was nothing short of real.

‘If I was really meant to forget about you, then I’d just make the world remember everything for me. From this day forward, I’ll make the world remember that I fell in love with your idiotic ass, Miya Atsumu.’

It took him one, two, maybe three more minutes before he finally managed to process the meaning of the photo and each of the words written under the post. Atsumu just stared at the photo until he could no longer focus on it, but on the heartbeat loud enough to fill the silence of his room.

Atsumu felt like he was floating, lost in the bliss brought about by the explicit confession made with thousands and thousands of people as witnesses. Atsumu felt the rush running on his veins; the excitement to see the love of his life, run towards him, wrap him in a big hug and kiss him senseless until tomorrow comes. Atsumu was lost in the ecstasy brought about by a single Instagram post by the most private person he had ever known in his life, until a single message from that same man finally brought him back to his senses.

‘Come up?’

Atsumu had never gotten out of his bed faster in his life. He didn’t even bother to change into a more presentable set of clothes. He couldn’t care less if Kiyoomi would see him in his SpongeBob pajamas at this time of the night. Right now, right at this moment, Atsumu wanted to see Kiyoomi and clear every little thing to him.

Kiyoomi’s door immediately opened as soon as Atsumu arrived — like Kiyoomi expected this exact timing, like Kiyoomi was just right behind that door waiting all this time for Atsumu to come to him.

“How come you still remember?” Atsumu immediately asked as soon as raven eyes met his own hazel ones. Kiyoomi chuckled a little, clearly amused at Atsumu’s state at the moment — panting from running up the stairs (because the elevator was taking too long goddammit), his SpongeBob pajamas a little too disheveled, his hair still not combed, and the flush on his cheeks still apparent because of the Instagram post flashing through his mind over and over again.

“Come in,” Kiyoomi said as an answer before he welcomed Atsumu in. The blonde blindly followed, still trying to compose himself and come down from his high just a few minutes ago. The raven immediately headed towards his mini bar and Atsumu saw the glass of Bourbon already prepared for him. Kiyoomi sat on one of the stools and motioned the blonde to sit beside him.

Atsumu followed suit and drank the glass of Bourbon as soon as he sat on the stool, as if doing so would set his thoughts straight and calm him down. It did help, even for just a moment. The setter didn’t know if it was because of the Bourbon, or because of the comfort and peace which this moment never ceased to provide — this moment amidst the deep blue walls and ocean paintings and a glass of Bourbon and Scotch on top of the bar counter.

Atsumu shifted his gaze towards Kiyoomi, watching the raven sip on his own glass of Scotch. He stared at Kiyoomi until he slowly noticed the bags under the raven’s eyes and only then did he realize the answer to his own question.

“’Ya didn’t sleep,” Atsumu stated which grabbed Kiyoomi’s attention. The raven just glanced at him before settling his glass down, nodding as an answer. Atsumu felt his stomach lurch once again from the guilt. He grabbed the bottle of Bourbon and poured himself another glass, taking a sip from it as he let the silence envelope them both.

“Why didn’t you tell me any earlier?” Kiyoomi broke the silence after some time. Atsumu took a deep breath before drinking from his glass once again, letting his thoughts run almost a mile a minute before he could even utter any answer. When he finished drinking the contents of his glass, he poured himself another glass, drank from it, poured another glass, drank from it, poured another glass, drank from it. Atsumu was still too sober to answer this question, his courage still wavering due to the lack of alcohol coursing through his veins. Atsumu was about to pour himself another glass, but a hand reached out for his to stop him. Slowly, one by one, Kiyoomi laced his fingers with Atsumu’s until their palms clasped together. The raven gave his hand a squeeze, some form of reassurance that he was still there, just waiting for Atsumu to let everything out whenever he was ready.

Atsumu exhaled shakily, chuckling a little at the gesture. It was unfair. It was so unfair how he could stay so sober after several glasses of Bourbon, yet with just one touch, with just one small gesture, Atsumu found himself starting to feel drunk: drunk in the feeling of warmth, drunk in the buzz running from his hands down to every nerve of his body, drunk in Sakusa Kiyoomi.

Just like that, Atsumu let himself be bare, naked, and weak in front of Sakusa Kiyoomi once again.

“Because I was afraid. I still am. I always have been.”

Atsumu didn’t want to entertain the hopes and wishes he had long since abandoned and buried deep into the ocean. Atsumu had long since abandoned the idea of Kiyoomi waking up one day with all of his memories and feelings still intact. Sure, Atsumu was afraid of getting his hopes up once he told Kiyoomi the truth, but that was the least of his concerns.

After all, nothing else compared to the fear that Atsumu might lose Kiyoomi for good once everything was out in the open.

“I was afraid that you’d only see me as a burden. I was afraid you’d wanna walk away once ‘ya knew that fallin’ in love with me came with some fuckin’ curse that makes ‘ya forget about me. I was afraid that ‘yer gonna see this as nothing but a hassle. And I’d rather do things over and over again, make you fall in love with me over and over again, than risk you having to walk away from my life with no hopes of ever returning.”

Atsumu squeezed the hand holding his, letting himself bask in what little comfort this warmth could provide amidst the panic running amok on his mind. It had been a while since he last let himself be so bare in front of Kiyoomi. It had been a while since he last let Kiyoomi see this weak, pathetic, and so fucking uncool side of him.

Despite deciding to push through his plan of making Kiyoomi fall in love with him, despite telling himself over and over and over again that this was fine, and despite making himself believe that everything would be alright — at the back of his mind, Atsumu still felt scared. All this time, he had been nothing but scared. He was scared of Kiyoomi not falling in love him, but he was more scared of Kiyoomi learning about this curse and staying away from Atsumu for good.

Because who would want to put up with that kind of life? Who would so willingly let their memories be erased just because of the feelings they harbored for one Miya Atsumu?

Atsumu’s mind was starting to get clouded by the pile of negative thoughts which the glasses of Bourbon didn’t even help him to bury — and Kiyoomi chose that exact moment to finally let Atsumu’s hand go. The blonde flinched at the loss of contact, turning his gaze towards Kiyoomi to apologize, to explain his cowardice, to do anything and everything for Kiyoomi to simply stay. Yet, the moment his gaze met the man in front of him, Kiyoomi suddenly reached out and flicked his forehead so hard it almost felt like it would bruise at any moment.

“Omi!!” Atsumu whined like a kid, holding his forehead with his palm like doing so would erase all the pain away.

“You’re such a fucking idiot. Why do you always tend to overthink with that one remaining brain cell of yours?” Kiyoomi said before finishing his glass of Scotch. Atsumu expected a lot of things from Kiyoomi when the raven finally heard his side of the story, but Atsumu did not expect this. The spiker wasn’t mad at him. He wasn’t running away from him or ending things with him either.

Kiyoomi was frustrated, as if something about Atsumu keeping this as a secret and solving things all on his own irked the raven. Kiyoomi finally grabbed Atsumu’s hand once again before he pulled the blonde towards his own room.

When Kiyoomi turned the lights on, Atsumu was surprised with the new frames hanging on the wall — frames containing Atsumu and Kiyoomi’s photos from several games. Most of the photos consist of Atsumu setting a toss for Kiyoomi which the raven had perfectly spiked. On one side of the wall, there were several frames hanging and one of them was already filled up with a photo. It was an enlarged version of the candid photo which Kiyoomi posted on his Instagram.

“I plan to fill those frames, but unfortunately, I don’t have enough photos of you,” Kiyoomi said before he let Atsumu’s hand go, only so he could head towards his side table. The raven opened the top drawer and brought out a Polaroid camera which Atsumu didn’t know the raven even owned.

Before Atsumu could even ask him another question, Kiyoomi suddenly took a photo of him and the blonde was just left in surprise. It took Atsumu a while before he could finally react, grabbing the printed polaroid from the camera and shaking it incessantly until it slowly showed what it had captured.

“’Yer such a fucking ass. At least take a decent photo of me!!” Atsumu whined as he stared at the photo of him — looking so disheveled while wearing his PJs with a surprise look on his face. Kiyoomi just chuckled and grabbed the photo back, heading towards the other side of the wall where there were strings and several clippers hanging. Kiyoomi took one clipper and hang the photo on the string, the first photo to occupy what seemed to be the place where all the other future polaroid photos would be staying.

Atsumu walked towards the bed, sitting at the edge of it before he started to avert his gaze from the raven and focus on the changes in Kiyoomi’s room — the frames hanging, the enlarged photo of Atsumu, the articles cut out from different sports magazines, and even the posters of Atsumu’s favorite movies which Kiyoomi clearly said before that he hated. Atsumu was left astounded as he stared at all the obvious efforts made by this man to remember him, remember the moments shared, remember the secrets known only to them both.

“Last night, I was so afraid to sleep,” Kiyoomi confessed as he placed the polaroid camera back on his drawer. “I was so afraid to lose all these feelings. I was so afraid to forget the moments I know only I get to see. I was so afraid to forget the secrets only I get to hear. I was so afraid to lose the happiness brought about by falling in love with an idiot like you.”

“I was so afraid of a lot of things, until I remembered that you’re probably just as scared as I am. Until I realized that you’ve probably been scared about all of these things all this time, and yet you still pursued me, pushed your way towards me, did everything you could possibly think of just so you could stay with me.”

Kiyoomi finally walked towards Atsumu, crouching down so he could fully look at Atsumu who was still sitting at the edge of the raven’s bed. Kiyoomi reached out for the blonde’s hand, giving it a small squeeze before he met Atsumu’s eyes.

“I’m sorry for leaving you to face all these things alone, Atsumu,” Kiyoomi whispered softly, gently, opposite to the hands holding Atsumu’s so tightly — like Kiyoomi was afraid that Atsumu would suddenly run away from him.

“I’m sorry for not noticing it any sooner. I’m sorry that I couldn’t do anything for you during all those times when you were feeling scared. I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you the reassurance that you needed whenever your mind would go in circles.”

Atsumu was already feeling a lot of things and he couldn’t even begin to wrap his mind around it. The blonde was too overwhelmed with the way things were going between the two of them, too overwhelmed with the fact that Kiyoomi was acting opposite of what Atsumu had expected. Because despite all the weaknesses that Atsumu had shown, despite all the little white lies now finally revealed, and despite the curse which would forever be a burden to Kiyoomi, the raven was looking at him the same way he did during all those Friday nights spent with Bourbon and Scotch by their side.

Kiyoomi was looking at him like he was everything that the raven wanted in the future.

“I might forget about the memories, or the secrets, or the feelings that I have right now, but there’s one thing that I’m sure about — falling in love with you comes as easy as spiking a ball to me. Falling in love with you is not and will never be a burden that I have to shoulder. Falling in love with you is a luxury I get to have and I’d be an idiot if I let a treasure like this fall into another’s hands.”

Kiyoomi took a deep breath and smiled a little at Atsumu, rubbing the back of Atsumu’s palm with his thumb as if to keep him grounded, to keep him comforted, to keep him from falling into the chaos of negative thoughts which always came whenever he would remember the curse running on his veins.

“But if you still feel like this curse is just a burden, then won’t you share the burden with me, Atsumu?”

He’d had enough of crying because of this topic. He’d had enough tears shed because of all the fears and guilt and bliss that always came with this. Yet, just with that single question, Atsumu found himself breaking and letting the tears start to fall from his eyes once again. There was a mild panic in Kiyoomi’s eyes as soon as he saw Atsumu starting to cry, so the raven finally stood up from where he was and sat beside Atsumu instead, slowly reaching out to wrap him in a warm embrace. Kiyoomi placed a peck on the top of Atsumu’s head before he started rubbing the setter’s back in an attempt to calm him down.

“You’ll forget about these things tomorrow,” Atsumu said amidst the sobs and hiccups, hiding the tears from Kiyoomi by burying his face against the crook of Kiyoomi’s neck.

“Then we’ll make new memories, more memories, until this room is filled with nothing but memories of us,” Kiyoomi answered with certainty.

“Is that a proposal?”

“If that’s how it sounds like.”

“I’m not even your boyfriend yet.”

“Who said we needed to follow society’s preconceived beliefs about dating?”

“You don’t even have a ring.”

“Who said I didn’t?”

And with those words, Atsumu pulled back from Kiyoomi, his eyes filled with tears was then replaced with nothing short of a surprise. The setter blinked repeatedly, patted Kiyoomi’s cheeks twice just so he could be sure that all of this was not some form of a dream. The gesture earned a snort from Kiyoomi and the blonde couldn’t help but kick Kiyoomi’s feet.

“’Yer such a fuckin’ ass. I really thought ‘yer g—"

Atsumu halted when Kiyoomi started to reach for his pocket, fishing a small box out of it. The blonde gulped the lump on his throat as Kiyoomi pulled out a necklace with a ring as its pendant. The raven leaned closer to Atsumu just so he could place it around Atsumu’s neck. As soon as Kiyoomi was done, the raven pulled out the necklace hidden behind the shirt he was wearing, smiling a little at Atsumu as the blonde kept on staring at the ring casually hanging against Kiyoomi’s neck.

“I figured you wouldn’t want anything hindering your tosses or your serves.”

Atsumu pressed his lips into a thin line, the tears starting to well on his eyes once again as he stared at the tangible proof of Kiyoomi’s promise to always stay by Atsumu’s side, to always fill this room with memories of them two, and to always carry the burden with Atsumu.

The blonde threw himself towards Kiyoomi and hugged the raven tight, so tight, not even a hint of ever letting go. The raven immediately returned the hug with the same fervor before he ruffled Atsumu’s already messy hair.

“Stop crying. I hope you know that you’re so ugly when you cry.”

“Shut the fuck up, Omi. Let me have my moment.”

The two of them chuckled at the small banter and let themselves bask in the warmth of each other. For moments there was only silence, followed by the occasional humming Kiyoomi was unconsciously doing. From his position, Atsumu could almost hear Kiyoomi’s heartbeat and he smiled a little as he realized just how fast was its beating. Atsumu closed his eyes and let himself drown in the sound of two heartbeats starting to form a certain rhythm, starting to form a melody which Atsumu knew he would never ever get tired of hearing.

The bed was so soft and Atsumu was so tempted to just push Kiyoomi down so he could fall asleep in his arms. But before the fatigue and the approaching slumber could fully take Atsumu, the blonde pulled himself back a little just so he could utter the promise he had every intention of keeping.

“I’m gonna make you fall in love with me tomorrow, Kiyoomi.”

The raven just chuckled, nuzzling his nose against Atsumu’s before placing a chaste peck on Atsumu’s lips.

“I know.”

———————————————

Atsumu was busy preparing their breakfast while whistling to the song Kiyoomi made him listen to last night. Waking up early in the morning and preparing their breakfast whenever they had no games or practice for the day had long since been a part of Atsumu’s routine.

It had already been a year since Atsumu started living with Kiyoomi. During that time, he found out that waking up later than Kiyoomi only brought chaos and a lot more of explaining to do than the usual days. So, Atsumu always made sure to wake up earlier than the raven so he could give Kiyoomi some time to compose himself and process every single picture properly framed, every single memory caught on the polaroid photos hanging on the wall, and every single thing written on the notes in Kiyoomi’s phone.

The raven never let Atsumu see what was written in those notes saved on his phone, but Atsumu could already surmise that it had something to do with all the memories which kept on vanishing.

As soon as Atsumu was done, the blonde headed towards their room, pushing the ajar door fully open. Kiyoomi was already awake on the bed, staring at the photos on the wall like he was staring at an art and trying to decipher the meaning behind. Kiyoomi took another glance on his phone, reading whatever was written on those notes before he turned his attention to the wall once again, shifting his gaze from one photo to another.

Atsumu smiled at the sight — the sight which he had the privilege to watch for the past year but the sight which he knew he would never get tired of watching. Kiyoomi was still staring at the wall, trying to process the details of their relationship while dusting the stupor out of his body. The raven finally stepped off of the bed just so he could take a closer look at the polaroid photos clipped on several strings hanging on the wall.

Atsumu couldn’t help but smile as he watched how Kiyoomi’s expression change with every photo that he was looking at. It was nothing too obvious, nothing too apparent, but Atsumu could still see how Kiyoomi’s brows would slightly furrow at some photos — the questions why and when exactly were the photos taken clear on his face. Atsumu watched Kiyoomi as a small smile formed on his face, until that smile was replaced by disgust and Atsumu could already guess what photo was Kiyoomi looking at. The disgust was then replaced by a snort and Kiyoomi shook his head a little like he was somehow repulsed by the photo he just saw.

Atsumu had seen this sight transpire over the course of the year, but every single morning, without a doubt, Atsumu would still find himself smiling.

“Good morning, Omi.”

Kiyoomi flinched at the voice before he finally shifted his gaze towards the blonde. There was still a smile flaunted on Atsumu’s face, because he learned that teasing Kiyoomi early in the morning when things were still a little confusing for the raven was not a good way to start their day.

Atsumu was already prepared for the barrage of questions to come, for the explanation that Kiyoomi would demand, for the answers to the why’s and how’s, for the initial rejection and the possible silent treatment from one Sakusa Kiyoomi. The blonde was used to it and he knew how to get his way around it. He knew how to get closer to Kiyoomi once again without making the raven feel uncomfortable or pressured.

But what Atsumu wasn’t prepared for was Sakusa Kiyoomi just staring at him for one, two, maybe three more seconds until the raven found it in him to walk towards the blonde and wrap him in a big old hug.

Atsumu felt his jaw almost drop at the sudden warmth, but he found himself still returning the hug as if on auto-pilot.

“Do you remember?” Atsumu asked despite knowing what the answer would be.

“No.”

Atsumu furrowed his brows, still a little confused with how smooth things were going early this morning. The blonde chuckled a little and reached for Kiyoomi’s head, running his fingers against those soft curly locks before he ruffled it.

“Then why? I haven’t done anything yet and I’m kinda used to you rejecting me early in the morning,” Atsumu said with a chuckle and Kiyoomi took it as his cue to pull back from the hug. The raven looked at Atsumu and traced Atsumu’s lips with his thumb. Slowly, a small smile started to form on Kiyoomi’s lips before he finally gave his answer.

“I just fell in love with you once again.”

With just those words, Atsumu knew that everything was worth it.