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"So who's the bigger dork, me or you? Orchid asks Solace who released a small giggle." Xingiu said, reading aloud from the book he picked out last week in the library.
"You really like romance novels don't you?" Chongyun teased.
"Of course, I think they're amazing."
The two of them were currently atop of the mountain in Baishu plains as the soft breeze hit their faces, Xingqiu sighed. Comfortably sitting under the tree with Chongyun who laid his head on his lap. It was moments like these where Chongyun felt so serene and at peace, the weather was amazing too to the point where he doesn't have to worry about his condition acting up.
It was perfect.
They decided- well mostly Xingqiu decided to read out the novel he was reading and who was he to complain? Not when Xingqiu's voice was so soft and gentle, not when it felt like music to his ears.
Not when he knows himself he can't say no to him.
"Any reason as to why?" Xingqqui hums in response. "Do you have someone you like qiu?"
A small pause went by them, and he doesn't know why his heart suddenly decided to beat so fast once he heard his answer.
"You."
Chongyun sucked in a breath.
"What?"
"Solace replied to Orchid, who was now pouting."
Oh. Oh
Why did he feel so disappointed at that?
"I'm sorry did you say something my dear Chongyun?"
He hesitates. "Nothing, keep going."
And so Xingqiu does and instead of basking in the melody and how tender his tone was, he couldn’t help but think of what just happened. Why did his heart feel so heavy? And why did the thought of Xingqiu probably thinking of him as something more than just a friend make his heart race in the best possible way?
This felt a little too much to process for Chongyun as he closed his eyes.
The amber eyed boy’s voice that he never gets tired of ringed in his ears and it made his heart ache, what was going on with him? Why has he been recently feeling these things? These things that made no sense to him, these things that made him feel so at ease yet so in turmoil. With just a single laugh, a single smile, a single stare from him made Chongyun feel warm and he couldn’t identify if it was the good or bad kind.
Because Chongyun has been avoiding warmth throughout his whole life, he had to keep his condition intact. To avoid any problems.
And yet when he felt something warm cup his cheeks, he couldn’t help but lean more into the touch with a contented sigh escaping his lips.
“Chongyun?”
He hummed in response, he didn’t care. Rather he indulged in the feeling more once Xingqiu rubbed his cheeks.
So soft.
“We should probably go now before it turns late my dear.”
“Do we have to?” He pouts.
“Unfortunately so, come on get up.”
“Can I atleast hold your hand on the way?” Chongyun blurted out without thinking. And once he realized what he had just said he stood up immediately. “I.. I mean! I’m sorry I didn’t mean to.. To say that-”
“Of course, who am I to say no if that’s what my dear Chongyun wishes?” Xingqiu interrupts softly with a small that makes his insides twist and turn.
Chongyun desperately tries to say something, anything because he doesn’t know if he could handle it. It’s not like he doesn’t want to but the thought made him feel dizzy. Like he was on cloud nine and yet despite the trouble Xingqiu being himself held his hand.
“Let’s go?” Chongyun could instantly melt if he could.
“Yeah.” He replied breathlessly
This was normal right? Best friends can hold hands right? Yeah, Xingqiu was just being as affectionate as ever, he’s always cared for his friends so this was a normal behaviour for him, right?
But if so, why did he want something more than that?
It’s been days since said incident happened.
Days since he’s been trying to figure out what his emotions meant.
And days since he last hung out with Xingqiu.
Chongyun didn’t want to assume but he felt like his best friend had been avoiding him. He’s been asking the guards of their guild on his whereabouts but they simply replied that the young master went somewhere they didn’t know and the ones that did know told them to keep it a secret to where he was going.
He groans, why? Why does it seem like he was actively avoiding him? Why? Why did he hold his hand? If he didn’t want to, he could have just said so. And why was he so hurt by this anyway? Yes it’s okay to feel pain that your best friend is avoiding you but is it normal to the point where it makes your heart ache and make you feel as if you can’t breathe? He felt like he wanted to cry.
“Hey isn’t that Chongyun?” He heard a familiar high pitched voice that definitely didn't belong to Xingqiu and his guess was right once he turned his head around to see who it was.
“Paimon, Traveler.” Chongyun gave a small smile.
“It’s quite surprising to see you alone, where’s Xingqiu? Don’t you two hang out in wanmin restaurant at times like these?” Paimon innocently asks.
He couldn’t answer that.
“Are you okay? You don’t look so good.” Lumine questioned.
“I’m fine, it's just..” He trailed off.
Paimon and Lumine exchanged looks, worried for their exorcist friend.
“Let’s sit down somewhere under a tree first then we’ll talk! Paimon is exhausted from going around.” The little floating deity said with that cheerful tone.
Chongyun just nodded, following his two friends as they made their way into the nearby tree where they sat down silently. He was glad Paimon and Lumine weren't in a rush to question him when he stayed silent for the moment.
"I think I like Xingqiu."
The two companions stared at Chongyun, confused.
"Aren't you two dating though?" Lumine blurted out.
"That's right. The way you two look at each other and how much you cared for each other we just assumed you guys were dating!" Paimon added.
This however was news to Chongyun as he gave the confused glanced back to Paimon and Lumine, he couldn't deny how his cheeks started to feel warm though so he took out his extra popsicle to calm himself down.
"What? No!" Chongyun nearly shouted, making the two surprised at this.
"No? So what's the problem then? Paimon doesn't understand at all." She says as she rubs her head in thought of the situation.
"Xingqiu, I think- no, I know like him but he keeps avoiding me."
"Huh? But weren't you guys all lovey dovey and holding hands days ago?" Paimon light-heartedly teased.
"We were finishing up commissions and saw you guys on the way back to Liyue Harbor." Lumine explained.
"Oh."
"But that's not the point isn't it? You've looked up and down, no?" Chongyun nods at Lumine. "Seems he really is trying to avoid you since we just saw him at Wanwen bookstore, he should still be there."
He lits up at those words and gives the two a hug filled with carried out emotions as he whispers his sincere thank you to them and runs away to find the love of his life.
But if Chongyun didn't go so quickly he might've gotten the chance to hear what the two companions had said to each other.
"You just saw Xingqiu sneaking around a while ago, didn't you?"
"Oh yeah." Lumine laughed with honesty. "I just hope they talk it out, their feelings are so obvious."
"Paimon agrees! Speaking of restaurant, can we go? Paimon's hungryyy!" They whine to which Lumine laughed.
And as the two companions went to their destination, a certain light blue haired exorcist ran to the other side of Liyue Harbor like his life depended on it, half heartedly caring if he bumped into someone along the way. He felt bad but Chongyun didn't really care, he just wanted to get to Xingqiu before it's too late.
Before they go back to acting like everything's normal again because honestly, he doesn't want to. If they do he'd just feel like he's suffocating in his feelings and not being able to tell Xingqiu, he doesn't know if he could last that long without telling the boy anyway.
If he wants them to go back to normal, he has to make sure he's already told Xingqiu about his feelings.
As he finally takes the last step on the stairs, there he was.
With his pretty flame like eyes that was always able to warm his mind and heart in so many ways even during the times where it was freezing cold.
"Chongyun." He could hear the surprise in his tone as he takes a step backwards.
"Xingqiu." He replies, catching his wrist quickly in a gentle manner in case the navy haired boy decided to run away from him. "We need to talk."
And Xingqiu knows himself he couldn't get out of it this time. He sighed in defeat and replied. "Let's go to my place for privacy since it's nearrer." Chongyun gave him a gentle smile.
It was awkward to say the least.
The atmosphere felt so heavy and yet the way he held Xingqiu's hand and the way the other boy never tried to let himself go made it more lighter.
They finally arrived into his house, dismissing the maids who asked if he needed something as they made their way to his room. Chongyun let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding till now once Xingqiu freed himself from his grasp.
It was just them now.
"Chongyun." His heart had betrayed him once more when it started to have a marathon inside his ribs. That was either a good or bad thing but he didn't care.
He just cared about how beautiful his name was when Xingqiu said it.
"A-yun?"
He was staring too much wasn't he?
"Sorry." He looked away immediately and the familiar heat crept it's way onto his face once more. "I just.. I uhm- Why were you avoiding me?"
"I wasn't avoiding you, what are you talking about?" Xingqiu said in a familiar tone he knew all too well. It was a tone that made it seem like what he was saying was something so absurd yet it hid the nervousness he was feeling as his friend cleared his throat. "That's ridiculous."
"You're ridiculous." Chongyun snapped, staring hard at his best friend. But he softens once he sees the small glint of fear and surprise the young master holds in his eyes.
He recoils in horror that he might have scared his best friend, reaching out to hold his arm in comfort once more but Xingqiu avoids his touch and backs away by an inch.
"I'm sorry." He whispered softly.
"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be the one reacting like this." Xingqiu spoke after a moment of silence and sighed. "I had my reasons, Chongyun."
"Then you could have told me, we're best friends aren't we?"
"I don't see you that way."
"You're lying." He sounded desperate but he didn't care.
"No my dear, I'm not."
He wanted to cry, scream out in sorrow. Something that would let the ache in his heart to calm down or even think if there was anything in his tone that made it seem like he was joking but he knew Xingqiu, and he knows damn well he's not lying and that's what hurts even more.
Forget being rejected, the one who he treasures the most more than anyone else be it as a friend or something more just admitted that they did not care for them.
He let out a sorrow laugh. "So do I mean nothing to you?"
"No Chongyun, you-"
Was this a dream? Can someone wake him up from this?
"I what, Xingqui? Were you just doing it to fuck me up? To mess with my emotion? Do you not realize how much you've made an impact on me?" He felt hot tears stream down his face but he just kept on going. "Was it all for entertainment? The years we spent together? Was that fun for you to torment me with these emotions?"
"Chongyun listen—" This time Xingqiu moved closer to Chongyun to embrace him in comfort and as much as he would love that now, he couldn't handle it so he backed away.
"No, youlisten, I finally managed to find out that I actually love you and—"
"You what?" Chongyun was just as surprised as Xingqiu is.
"I love you."
It was silent, his voice was barely above a whisper that only Xingqiu would be able to hear what he actually had said. A small gush of wind passed by them through the window as he avoids Xingqiu's gaze.
"Say that again." Xingqiu spoke. "Look at me and say that again, Chongyun."
And who was he to say no to that?
"You're cruel Xingqiu."
"Please?"
"As more than a friend." His ice-blue cat slit eyes stared into his golden amber ones. "I love you."
Sincere and genuine as he was despite the pain he felt that was piercing in his heart, Chongyun couldn't help but fall all over again for him and it's so unfair. Because Xingqiu was someone so amazing and how he was always there for him, how he was always supportive of his dreams and helps him even if he pranks him he knows it's just their thing.
The golden amber eyes stare at him in awe with that endearing smile.
And he says he doesn't see him as a friend, really Xingqiu? He almost scoffs at that.
How cruel really.
"It's you." Xingqiu breathed out. "The reason why I read romance novels my dear Chongyun, I love you too."
Yeah, he was definitely dreaming at this point.
Dazed eyes completely filled with awe just stared at Xingqiu who was now wholeheartedly laughing at their situation.
And archon's he is never getting tired of that laugh. He's never going to get tired of being with him for the rest of his life as he holds Xingqiu closer for a hug grabbing onto him like there was no tomorrow, as if it was just the two of them and nothing else in this world mattered than just their existence.
"Can I have a kiss?" Chongyun whispered in a shy manner.
"Who am I to say no to that my dear