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Kaz was sure of himself in every way. He always had the perfect plan, and if that plan didn’t work he had another. He always had his next move on the tip of his tongue. He was rarely ever caught finding himself unsure of something.
Yet, right now, he was very unsure. This wasn’t a plan, it didn’t feel right to call it that. He didn’t know what to call it, which filled his body with unfamiliar nerves.
Kaz knew that they’re were many ways this could go wrong. He wasn’t even sure how he got it into his head that this was a remotely a good idea, this was unlike him in every possible way.
But then he looked at Inej’s face, across the ship they’d been sailing on for years. She was laughing, that laugh he loved almost as much as her. He took a deep breath, and knew that this was right. He wanted this, he always did. He could only hope she did too.
——-
Later Kaz sat on the end of his and Inej’s bed. His plan or whatever you want to call it, did not go as planned. He and Inej were supposed to have dinner together, it was rare that they had a “date”, so he knew it was already suspicious. They just weren’t that kind of couple, they fought beside each other, they protected each other. They would lay in this bed together every night after a long day of keeping each other alive. She would curl into him, and he would drape his bare arm over her slender body. Lord knows how long it took him to do that, but now the feel on Inej’s skin was a comfort. He longed for it every minute he couldn’t have it.
He still remembered the first time he kissed her. It felt like ages ago now, but it must have only been three years ago, when they were seventeen. They were on this very boat, and after weeks of holding hands and small touches, he couldn’t take it anymore. Inej and him, sat out on the deck after a long day. She reached out and grabbed his hand, and he intertwined their fingers. Inej had looked up, and they were just so close, and he did it. He kissed her, and it felt suffocating at first. But when she placed her hand on his cheek and deepened the kiss, he forgot everything, everything but her and her lips. And that’s the way it’s been ever since.
Tonight Inej was stalking out another slaver ship. She had been busy for weeks trying to find it. Kaz helped as much as he could but she was the spider, the spy. He was the ruthless one, the one who would kill everyone of those slavers. She couldn’t make it to the dinner, and he understood. He respected Inej’s work ethic, and he never wanted to interfere with it. But tonight was so important, and his big plan went to shit. They were supposed to have dinner, it was going to be as romantic as Kaz could manage, without feeling uncomfortable. He would ask her the question, maybe even get on one knee. Now that wasn’t going to happen.
He was Kaz Brekker though, when one plan failed he made another, and maybe it wouldn’t be as good as the first but it was something. He had to do this while he still had the nerve.
“Hey.” Inej said softly as she slipped into the room, he knew she was there before she even spoke. He looked up at her, she looked so beautiful as always. Inej stood by the mirror undoing her braid. He loved seeing her long hair fall loosely.
“Any leads?” Kaz asked, his voice raspy. The nerves were back, and he knew that Inej would realize soon enough that he was basically a big ball of anxiety. She always knew.
“Possibly...” She answered slowly, turning to face him, “What’s wrong?” That was faster than he suspected. Kaz forced himself to meet her eyes, keeping his expression cool.
So many thoughts raked his brain. Should he do it now? Like this? He thought, it would be pretty consistent of them to have such an important moment go down in such a casual way.
“I uh...I have a job for you.” Kaz lied, a smile almost tugging at his lips as he stood up. He faced her, tilting his head down slightly. He took another step forward so their chest were almost pressed against eachother.
“What job could you possibly have for me while we’re in the middle of the ocean-“ Inej started to laugh that beautiful laugh, but he cut her off. His nerves were shouting through the roof at this point and he needed to get this out.
“Marry me. That’s uh...that’s the job.” Kaz whispered. He could feel his hands shaking, if she said no, he was sure his ego would never recover. It took him letting down every wall, every stupid bit of pride he had, to be this way with her, to ask her this. “Of course you don’t have to take the job, it’s not...” He trailed off not sure what he was even going to say.
Inej just starred at him for awhile, her expression calm and steady. She almost looked like she thought he might say he was joking, and he didn’t blame her. This was foreign territory and he wasn’t sure he liked the way his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest.
“Is Kaz Brekker asking for my hand in marriage?” Inej giggled, her eyes bright. Kaz felt a smile tug at his lips as well, and all he wanted to do was kiss her. He wanted her answer first though, so he didn’t make a fool out of himself.
“I suppose.”
“You suppose, or you are? Because if you just suppose I don’t know how to answer.” Inej joked, and if her smile wasn’t making him feel all types of things, he might be frustrated with her.
“I am.” He answered simply.
“Well in that case I hope you asked my parents permissiom” Of course he did. Kaz may have been nervous about this, but he never missed a step in a plan. Her parents were weary of him three years ago, as they should have been. By some miracle, or maybe some type of hypnosis from being at sea so long, they came to like him.
When he had asked them if he could marry Inej, they simply said yes. They were happy even.
“I did. They gave their blessing.” Kaz sucked in sharp breath, “But, can you perhaps answer before I pass out?”
“Give me twenty four hours to think on it.” She answered, looping her arms around his back, pulling him flat against her chest. He looked down at her smiling face. “Yes Kaz, of course.”
He leaned down and kissed her, and it felt like home. Kaz knew he wanted that feeling for the rest of his life, and hers.
“I got this for you.” They pulled away from the kiss, and he reached into his pocket. The silver piece of jewelry was cold between his fingers.
He handed it to Inej, and she smiled, as he put it over her finger. It was a silver ring with a small jewel. He wished he could do better, god knows she deserved more.
“Its beautiful.” She leaned up and pecked his lips again.
Kaz didn’t know what he did right to desserve this, because he didn’t do anything right. But when Inej looked up at him with those big brown eyes, he almost believed in her saints.