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It wasn’t that the teachers were bad .
Most of them were pretty great, actually. He just had to explain the whole…name and pronouns situation. Some of them were older (which was ironic, considering his government teacher had been a lot more accepting than his birth parents and was decidedly much older than they were), but they still accepted it anyways. Even if they hadn’t…well, Fundy had done quite a bit of emergency research on the laws in their area and was armed with links and essays if necessary. Thankfully, they weren’t.
Of course, there were a few slip-ups. Most of the time it was the TAs, who usually apologised once they realised their mistake after class. He tried to keep things as un-awkward as possible. It didn’t always work.
Nah, the real problem was just…Fundy.
He was a bit of a…pushover when it came to this kind of thing. Obviously, that wasn’t Phil’s fault. It wasn’t Phil’s fault he still hid his binders, and it wasn’t Phil’s fault he still hesitated to correct people he knew even when they would rather he do that. No, that was his birth parents. Being adopted by Phil was probably one of the best things that had ever happened to him.
Either way, though, a full day of misgendering from classmates (by accident, they didn’t know better), of just generally being dysphoric because he couldn’t wear his binder (because he was pretty sure he was getting sick and he really didn’t want to worry Phil and his siblings), and just burnout from school (they had six weeks left before they graduated he could do it), he was tired.
Following Wilbur and the others towards Phil’s car, he yawned and rubbed at his eyes. Tommy glanced over at him, grinned wickedly, “Aw, is the furry sweepy?” He joked.
Sending him a glare, Fundy fired back, “Shut up, child. I’ll dropkick you.” Tommy let out his usual cackling laugh, and Tubbo nudged him and started chatting along. Wilbur was leading the way, guiding the pair towards the asphalt. He glanced back at Fundy, smiled. Returning it, Fundy glanced ahead.
“Oh, look, Funds. Guess someone’s here to pick you up.” Wilbur commented. Sure enough, standing by their dad’s van, leaning casually against his own truck, was Dream. His siblings were already in the car, Punz sandwiched between Purpled and Ranboo and looking comically miserable. Dream was chatting away with Phil, smiling behind the medical mask he always wore. There was a reason for it, Fundy had never asked and he wasn’t sure he needed to know (he was pretty sure it wasn’t for medical reasons). Still, after a little while of knowing Dream (and looking at him for quite a while, when he was crushing on him like nothing else), he’d figured out how to tell even with the mask.
Smiling softly, mostly to himself, Fundy mused, “Yeah, I guess.”
“Oh my gosh, look how miserable Punz is.” Tommy pointed out, cackling. Beside him, Tubbo brightened up.
“Hey, I wonder if we can get Purpled and Ranboo to mess with him more?” Pulling out his phone, the young man started texting away. Tommy guided him with shoulder nudges, moving him around people and poles so there weren’t any collisions. After a moment, Ranboo and Purpled both paid attention to their phones, looked over at where Tubbo and Tommy were.
And then they grinned.
“You two are horrible.” Wilbur commented, shaking his head. Despite that, he still reached over and ruffled both his younger brothers’ hair. Laughing lightly, Fundy followed along like a lost puppy.
As they approached, Dream brightened up, standing with his smile getting bigger. “Fundy!” He said, drawing Phil’s attention.
“Hey, Fundy.” Pulling him into a side hug, Phil started talking, “Usual rules.”
“Nothing illegal, immoral, or so illogical it makes me uncomfortable. I know.” Grinning, Phil ruffled his hair. Sticking out his tongue, Fundy shoved his arm off, dodged to Dream’s side. “You take care of him, Mr. Taken. Or else Techno and the boys won’t be who you need to worry about.”
“Is Fundy going somewhere?” Tubbo asked, looking up from his phone. Meanwhile, Tommy was passing messages to Ranboo and Purpled through the glass. Purpled had basically thrown himself across Punz to get to the window, and the young man did not look happy. Arms crossed, he stared straight ahead, earbuds looped over his ears and a determined expression on his face.
“Fundy’s going on a date with Dream.” Wilbur said, glancing over at Dream for a moment. There was a mix of a threat and a question in his eyes. Laughing, Dream rubbed the back of his neck, glanced to the side. “You take care of my son.”
Rolling his eyes, Fundy looped one of his hands through one of his backpack straps, like an old guy holding onto his suspenders. “Wilbur, I know that was a joke, like, three years ago, but I am literally your adopted brother now. That makes it sound so awkward. ”
“I’m your older brother—”
“By two months—”
“—it is my duty to embarrass and annoy you.” Wilbur said, crossing his arms.
Looking at him, Fundy narrowed his eyes. Then, he said, “I will strangle you with your guitar strings.”
“No you won’t.” Wilbur said confidently. At the same time, Phil repeated it, although he had more of a scolding tone. Ducking his head, Fundy kicked at the asphalt, and Phil cleared his throat.
“Alright, Fundy, Dream, have fun. Tommy, Tubbo, give Dream your threats and then we gotta head off.” Phil announced, heading around to the other side of the car. Tapping Fundy’s shoulder, Wilbur casually called shotgun and then slid into that seat. Tubbo clearly told Dream something , considering how his eyes widened.
Tommy, meanwhile, went for a bit more obvious threat. “You hurt Fundy, I will break you in half.” Then, smiling, he said, “See you later. Have fun, furry!”
“I’m not a furry!” Fundy yelled, and Tommy cackled as he slid over the van hood and darted to the other side, slamming the door behind him. Rolling his eyes, he looked to Dream, “I hate my family.”
“You love them.” Dream pointed out, and Fundy sighed and looked down.
“I love them. As annoying as they are.” Glancing into the car, he added, “Speaking of annoying, let’s save Punz’s sanity before he murders Ranboo and Purpled.”
“Nah, I thought we could let him suffer for a little bit.” Fundy shot him a scolding look, and Dream wheezed lightly. “Alright, alright, come on.” He walked around, opened the passenger’s side door for Fundy and bowed jokingly, “My prince.”
“Oh, you’re so nice.” Leaning in, Fundy kissed his cheek, grinned at the sudden flush to Dream’s face when he did, and then hopped in the car. Closing the door, Dream blinked a few times and then swallowed. His mouth had dropped open from behind the mask, and he stayed there for a moment before Punz yelled at the top of his lungs.
“Hey, get your bitch ass in here!” He shouted, and Ranboo winced even as he’d covered his ears. Rolling his eyes, Purpled went back to his phone and plugged in his own earbuds. Dream finally got into the car. “Oh, nice of you to finally join us. Now let’s get home, these two are driving me crazy.”
“Deal with it.” Dream fired back, closing the door and then pulling off the mask. Setting it aside, he looked to Fundy. “Do you want to stop by somewhere and get something to eat before going home?”
Purpled gasped behind him. “Dude, you never let us choose if we go somewhere for fast food.”
“Purpled, you’re not Dream’s beloved boyfriend.” Punz replied, adding, “He doesn’t care about what you want.”
“Okay, that’s not true, but I don’t feel like heading to Taco Bell every day for two months again. We already have enough frozen burritos in the fridge to last you a lifetime.”
Crossing his arms, Purpled pointed out, “There’s not that many.”
“Purpled.” Ranboo said, looking over. “You have eighty-seven frozen burritos in there. There’s a lot.”
“Oh, so apparently today is National Bully Purpled Day. Nice to know, nice to have the warning.” Purpled said, slumping down with crossed arms and narrowed eyes.
“Yeah, sure. Buckle up, buttercups. Fundy, food?” Dream asked, tipping his head to the side. Green eyes held dark brown, and Fundy tipped his head to the side for a moment.
“Uh…In-N-Out okay?” Fundy asked, and Dream nodded.
“Anything you want. Well, fast food, obviously.”
“In-N-Out.” Nodding, Dream turned on the car, reminded his brothers to buckle in. Then, he pulled out of the school parking lot, locked his own seat belt in, and then started driving along the roads. They passed by the usual landmarkers—the turquoise house with the pretty, turquoise truck with the white stripe along the side. The house with the teacher from his preschool, the one with the wooden rocking chairs on the porch. The church with the playground they all used to use their bikes and skateboards at, where Dream taught Fundy how to do a kickflip and the same one where Ranboo once roller-skated headfirst into a bush.
When they got to the freeway, driving towards Dream’s house, Fundy saw movement in the corner of his eye. Dream had put his hand across the centre console, a silent question.
Smiling, eyes still focused on the road ahead, Fundy reached over and interlaced their fingers. He could hear Ranboo chatting with Punz about some memes he saw, about how his day had been and some random other things. Purpled was spacing out, looking at the hills on the horizon as they drove. It’d rained a little while back, turning the hills from their normal, dusky golden-brown to bright, emerald green. It was gorgeous, something that Fundy did appreciate about their city.
It was weird to think of it as a city. Obviously, it was a city—they had several hundred thousand people in their area. It just looked rural, but really it was a mix of the two, spread out over a large area. Which he was actually thankful for, because even if his parents did know where he was in the city, they wouldn’t be able to find him easily. Too many people. Besides, he had his boyfriend, his dad, and his brothers and friends to protect him.
He’d be alright.
Dream’s thumb rubbed over the back of his knuckles. Glancing over, Fundy smiled. “You alright?” Dream asked, tipping his head to the side slightly as they idled in front of a light.
“Yeah, I’m alright. Just…thinking.” Dream’s gaze softened a little more, and Fundy swallowed. “It’s just been a tiring day, I’ll be alright.”
“Okay.”
They all fell into a lapse of conversation, into a comfortable silence.
Being a younger brother, Purpled broke it before they got too awkward. “ Ewwwwww , you’re so gross and cute.” He complained. Ranboo sneezed. “See, he’s allergic to you. To all your grossness. It’s disgusting.”
“You’re just jealous.” Dream fired back, and Purpled flipped him off. Reaching over, Punz grabbed his wrist and pulled his arm down.
“Don’t do that where other people can see, you know Puffy’s rules. Come on, man.”
“Yeah, flip me off where old people can’t see.” Dream cracked, and Purpled scoffed.
As they pulled into the In-N-Out drive through, Dream replaced his mask on his face and let go of Fundy’s hand. It wasn’t for long, just to pull out his card and set it in the little spot on his dashboard that he used it for. Despite that, Fundy kept staring at him the whole time with a pained expression. (He wasn’t actually pained, he was just trying to have some fun.)
“I can feel you pouting.” Dream mused, reaching for him again. Immediately, Fundy took his hand, smiled and settled back in the seat. “What do you want?”
Holding back a joke, Fundy opened his mouth to reply.
+++
They got their food, since Dream was nice enough to his brothers to buy them food as well (which they all attributed to Fundy, which might not actually have been wrong), and then started driving home.
As they passed by the cemetery, Ranboo perked up. “Oh, look, it’s the cemetery where the ghostbuster mariachi band was!” He said, like he did about every time they passed. Even though Fundy hadn’t seen the band himself, he knew some of the story. Essentially, they’d been driving home when they looked over and saw what looked like a mariachi band playing at a funeral, except all of them were wearing either plumber outfits or ghostbuster outfits.
Nodding, Fundy looked over at Dream, who just smiled and touched his hand. They got to their house, piled out of the truck once it was parked and headed up to the door. Already, Fundy could hear their cats meowing and pawing at the wood for them to come inside.
“Oh, there’s Patches and the others.” Dream laughed, opening the door and then using his foot to gently push the cats back.
Lots of meows split the air, courtesy of Patches, about six foster kittens that Purpled was helping with for the animal shelter, and Ranboo’s cats. Presumably, he had four of them, but the problem was every single one was a blue point Ragdoll with pale blue eyes, and every single one of them looked exactly the same. So, potentially…he might have had more. Originally, Fundy thought there was only the one. He’d thought that for literally three years, and then he was sitting on the couch when Dream started asking where the others were. And then he hadn’t known what he meant, so Ranboo pulled out one cat, and then another, and then a third, and then the last one. Somehow, they were just really good at not spending time in the same room with one another. For three years.
He was pretty sure Ranboo’s cats were trolling him, too.
“Alright, alright, you heathens. Back. Back, I say!” Dream joked, gently pushing them out of the way so the others could get into the house. Rearing up, Patches clung to his jeans, and Dream crouched down to pick her up before grinning at Fundy. “It’s my child.”
Walking over, Fundy rubbed Patches’ head. She rubbed against his fingers, purring loudly and tipping back. Meanwhile, Ranboo’s cats were jumping all over him, sitting on his head and shoulders and one clinging to his backpack. He didn’t seem to mind, striding down the hall. He hadn’t even seemed to notice , actually. Purpled darted into the kitchen, followed by all of the kittens that he was currently fostering.
“Puffy! Fundy’s here!” Dream called, alerting their older sister of what was going on.
“Alright, have fun.” Puffy dismissed from the kitchen. Holding onto Patches like she was a toddler, bracing her against his hip, Dream reached over and grabbed Fundy’s hand, dragging him off towards the room. “But not the bad kind of fun! Behave!”
“Oh my gosh, Puffy! No!” Dream yelled, rolling his eyes. Patches planted a paw on his face, pushed against his cheek. “Ugh, you’re gross.”
Laughing, Fundy stumbled along after him, dropped onto Dream’s bed after throwing his backpack to the ground. Throwing his arms to the side, he let out a long breath. Patches hopped up beside him, pushed her face into his and brushed their noses together. Chuckling, he reached up and rubbed her sides. “Hi, kitty.” His eyes followed Dream, who was currently stripping off his shirt and changing into something else. “Oh, putting on a show, huh?”
Laughing, Dream threw the shirt at him, successfully managing to avoid Patches and smack Fundy in the face with it. “You shush.”
“Joke’s on you, I’m stealing this now.” Fundy said, sitting up and bundling the shirt into a ball to tuck it into his bag. Dropping down on the bed, Dream reached over and tried to grab the shirt from him, but Fundy leaned away. “Fight me.”
“Gladly,” Dream laughed, one hand slipping around Fundy’s waist and pulling him closer. Oh, okay. Pulling him closer, Dream grabbed the shirt easily. “I thought I was going to have to fight you for it.”
“Too tired.” Patches got in between them, and Fundy joked, “Leave room for Patches, I guess.”
“Totally.”
Curling on his side, Fundy let Patches curl against his stomach and ran his fingers along her spine. She kept purring loudly, rumbling like a little motorcycle. Fundy almost laughed at that, and Dream looked at him like he’d hung the stars. “Why are you giving me that look?”
Still smiling, mask removed since he was in their house, Dream replied, “Just you. You’re handsome.” Ducking his head, Fundy looked away. Fingers brushed against his cheek, and he felt his face warming up immediately. “Hey, hey, look at me. I’m being honest. You are handsome.”
“Shut up.” Fundy laughed, hiding his face in his hands. Dream kept talking to him, quietly, but he ignored him as much as possible. “No, leave me alone.” Eventually, Patches moved, and Dream settled down by Fundy’s side. “Leave room for Patches.”
“She doesn’t want there to be any room.” Dream joked, although he did move away a bit. When Fundy peeked in between the gaps of his fingers, he could see his boyfriend looking at him, propped up with one arm. “Do you want to talk about what happened today?”
“Not really.” Dream kept looking at him. Sighing, Fundy rolled onto his back. “I failed my government test today. I got a 59%. All of the last questions were wrong.”
“Oof. Do you know what you did wrong?”
“I didn’t study. Forgot about it totally. My fault.” Shrugging, Fundy added, “I suck at tests anyways, but hey, my grade’s pretty good. I get good attendance, I participate where I can, and I turn in basically all my homework. Plus I think I have some extra credit, so my grade can take the hit. It’s just…disappointing.”
“Well, it’s not the end of the world. It’s just one test, right?” Fundy nodded. “You can’t do anything about it now.” Nodding again, Fundy closed his eyes. Calloused fingers landed on his cheek, and he glanced over to see Dream looking at him. “Hey. Tests aren’t fun.”
“They’re stupid. Like I get doctors and EMTs and firefighters needing to take them, and lawyers too. Because their jobs need them to know stuff without being able to research it, they need to have those things memorized. But I don’t see the point in that when you’re just trying to be a programmer. Everything I do is either tests or stuff I know from muscle memory, I don’t need to know why…what political cartoons that don’t apply anymore mean. And sure, it’s fine knowing how the Senate works that kind of thing is important, I guess, to understanding how the government works , but I don’t get stuff like you do.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better…I suck at tests, too.” Dream mused, and Fundy glanced at him.
“No way.”
“No, I do.” Looking to the side, Dream chuckled, “I’m ADHD, tests are literal murder.”
“Wait, seriously? You’re like, the smartest person I know, how are tests hard?”
“Oh my gosh!” Rolling onto his back, Dream said, “Once, I was trying to take a test, I was in my room and doing it online, because it was a college class and anyways—anyways—Purpled and Ranboo were downstairs with Punz and Puffy watching Ducktales , because it’s a great show—don’t laugh it’s a great show, I watch it, too.” Fundy covered his mouth with a hand, shoulders shaking. “I said don’t laugh!”
“I’m not laughing at that, we watch it at home. Kids’ shows are so much better than adult ones.” Frowning, Fundy commented, “That sounds wrong. Like—like shows like The Flash and Arrow and everything. Kids shows? They have happy endings, and also She-Ra? I would die for that show it’s great. Heck, I love Voltron too but oh my gosh the ending ugh!”
“Seriously, they had so many chances and then just—poof! All of that just—out the window!” Crossing his arms, Dream shook his head and then sighed loudly. “Anyways, onto the test.”
“Yes, please tell me all about this test.” Rolling onto his side, propping his chin up on his palm, Fundy watched Dream as he intertwined their fingers and played with them, smiling softly.
“Okay, well, it was for my extracurricular, because I wanted to do some film classes. And anyways, I’m taking this test, and it’s just on vocab and I have my notes out but since we’re doing it on Zoom I can hear my teacher literally talking with some of my classmates . And then downstairs, the others are watching Ducktales , which is fine until all of a sudden my brain decides to take the Jake and the Neverland Pirates theme, mix it with “Sweet Caroline” and —not just this one song, there’s more than one—my brain mixes it with that one song that goes “me and you and you and me and your friend Steve” so all I have is these people talking, my brothers and sister downstairs watching cartoons, and instead of supplying important information my brain’s just like sweet Caroline (your friend Steve) good times never seemed to good (and Steve, and Steve, and Steve).” Throwing his arms into the air, letting go of Fundy for just that moment, Dream wheezed and rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “It was so dumb.”
“Did you at least pass the test?”
“I passed the class , I don’t remember the quiz results.” Waving a hand, Dream commented, “Since I don’t remember them they probably weren’t important. But yeah. ADHD and tests do not mix well.”
Laughing, Fundy laid back against the covers, stared at the ceiling. Dream kept playing with his fingers, kissing the backs of his knuckles. They both laid there in the silence, just their breathing and the occasional soft laugh echoing through the air. Patches returned. Instead of curling up by Fundy, though, she laid on Dream’s chest, curled up, and started snoring away. Huffing out a laugh, Dream stroked her spine, played with her tail with one hand and Fundy’s with the other.
“I love you.” Fundy finally whispered. Dream glanced over at him, expression softening even more. Meeting his gaze, Fundy smiled back.
“Love you, too.” After a moment, an idea seemed to hit him. “Hey, why don’t we watch Treasure Planet or Atlantis or something?”
“Oh heck yeah. I’ll take the cat.” Laughing, Dream picked up Patches and set her on Fundy’s chest. Kicking off his shoes, Fundy slid up the pillows, cradled Patches closer and felt her purring. Dream disappeared for a moment, probably fetching snacks, and Fundy looked down at her as she opened her eyes. Stretching her head up, she touched her nose to his. “Your dad is one of the best people I have ever met, you little sweetheart.” Tongue flicking out, Patches licked his cheek. “Awww…thank you.”
Dream returned, CD in one hand and food in the other. Smiling, Fundy watched him as he put the disc in, turned the TV on and then made his way over to the bed and settled down by Fundy. “Come on, under the covers. We’ll take a nap afterwards.”
“I mean, okay?” Fundy mused, and Dream laughed before turning the movie on.
“It’s cold, too. It’s March.” Dream pointed out, then added, “And also there’s scientific reasons. Cuddling releases oxytocin and lowers cortisol levels.”
“Oh, so you’re trying to scientifically make me like you more?” Fundy joked, leaning into Dream’s side. An arm rested over his shoulders, and he cradled Patches closer. Waking up, she flipped over, headbutting Dream’s chest with a meow. When he stroked her ears, she let out a soft trill.
“Maybe I am. Do you mind?”
“Not really.” Curling into him a bit more, Fundy smiled and then stole some of the popcorn. There was chocolate drizzled over it, marshmallows and pretzels and peanut butter chips mixed in along with bits of cereal and MnMs. Gasping, Fundy looked over at Dream. “You found out from Wilbur, didn’t you? You planned this!”
Laughing, Dream looked ahead. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”