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If there's anything that Juwon dislikes besides unsanitary environments, it's the destructive habits people tend to pick up. At this moment, he's staring directly at one.
Dongsik is standing outside the precinct in his normal clothes, the dark midnight sky surrounding him like the grey fumes slithering from the cigarette between his lips. The tendril-like smoke curls around him as if it was drawn to him, and Juwon thought he'd imagined the smoke shape itself into fingers that slipped around the nape of the older man's neck. He was aware of how ridiculous the imagery was, considering the expelled smoke simply danced away into the night air but Dongsik seemed to create such an atmosphere around him; this magnetic attention he'd unintentionally bring upon himself that made the world bend towards him.
Juwon stands at the top of the stairs and watches a little bit more as the older man indulges in his smoke, and tells himself it's because he wanted to be generous and give Dongsik some time for himself, no other reason. Their shift ended a lot later tonight and the world had somehow gotten quieter in the midst of their drudgeries. Now, all that persists in the dead silence is Dongsik's smoke-filled lungs and Juwon's strained breathing.
A minute later, he walks down the stairs when he decides to leave, and tries to not breathe as he gets closer to Dongsik.
"Oh, Han Juwon."
Juwon pauses when he's right in front of the man. The smoke is overwhelming. He sucks in a breath and turns to face Dongsik.
"Are you leaving already?" Dongsik asks, staring up at him with a distant hint of a smile on his lips, the stick dangling between his teeth. Juwon hates this the most; when he's being looked at like a toy in a store.
"Yes, isn't that obvious?" He retorts and takes the chance to cross his arms and step back a little to avoid inhaling too much of the smoke. He does both simultaneously to avoid being palpable about his discomfort. Unfortunately, Dongsik caught on. He always does.
Dongsik clicks his tongue and eyes him critically. "Don't tell me you're also repulsed by cigarettes."
Juwon tilts his nose up. "They're called cancer sticks for a reason, and I prefer to not indulge in anything of the sort. That also includes standing close to someone who does." He pointedly emphasized the last part, which elicited a disbelieved huff from Dongsik.
Juwon watches as Dongsik sucks in the poison, his eyes closing in bliss, and he feels as if he was intruding on something private. He tries to look away but Dongsik's poised movements are enthralling as he clasps the end of the cigarette between his two fingers and slips it out of his guileful pink lips. Juwon's eyes fell to the way his lips parted, absent from the cig, and blinked when it stretches into a mocking smile. He felt the urge to touch it then, to see if it was as soft as it looked, and for some odd reason, he also wanted to run his thumb under Dongsik's teeth, to see if it was as sharp as his words and if it would cut through his skin. For a split second, he imagined what Dongsik would do if his thumb bled in his mouth, whether he would spit the blood out or swallow it. Something in Juwon curled then, restless.
But those thoughts reach a dead end when suddenly Dongsik's body is a lot closer than he had been, his face pressing in and sending sirens into Juwon's morality. He didn't know if he wanted to fall backward, to escape this invasion of proximity, or simply root himself to where he stood and let Dongsik do whatever he wanted. His mind's feeble attempt at trying to remind him that Dongsik is a murder suspect burns to ashes, crumbling like the tips of the cigarette and heating his skin until he feels his neck all the way up to his ears flush up.
Abruptly, Juwon's sight is clouded in white. Dongsik's cool breath and the toxicity of the smoke inundated his senses until he couldn't move, frozen, stuck to the gravel as if someone had paralyzed him to the bone. He felt a fit of anger building up in his skin, his fingers twitching to push Dongsik away but as the final bits of the smoke embraced his face until his vision clears, Dongsik's conceited eyes bore into him like heated metal. He stared fixedly at him with those bloodshot eyes, where layers and layers of insanity lined his pupils and were advancing into delirium. It was this look that led Juwon to believe Dongsik may be capable of murder, yet the gaze transfixed him into this hypnotic state of not being able to look away despite it sending alarm bells in his head.
Juwon's lips are as lifeless as a corpse, with no air coming in or out. The only sign that indicated he's still alive is his stunned blinking, and this amused Dongsik to an antagonizing point. The older man’s eyes flitted as he studied Juwon’s immobile lips as if it was fascinating to him in a way before his gaze returned up once again.
Dongsik pats Juwon's chest twice and grins at him. "Breathe, Inspector Han. One inhale won't kill you."
With that he drops his cigarette and crushes it with the sole of his shoe, giving Juwon one last look before walking away.
This breaks the trance that Juwon was in, and he breathes out, a furious exhale that shook his entire body. His jaw clenches hard and his throat aches from the heavy swallowing. He turns to see the older man disappear around the corner, and damns him.
He damned him to hell.
***
Dongsik isn't entirely sure how he's supposed to handle this new side of Juwon.
Ever since he returned he’s a lot more unshielded, flexible. He’s deft in his movements around him and sometimes, without realising, would stand much closer to Dongsik than he dared to a few months ago.
It's a new territory that Dongsik tries to avoid because in it he expects traps that could ruin everything. He needs to study it first, turn it around back and forth to see what this foreign land is made of before ever stepping foot into it.
It didn’t help that Juwon came by again to his place shortly after he visited him in that mess of a house, this time with the excuse of trying to find a place to rent in the neighborhood.
Dongsik lit up his cigarette then, a little annoyed but also entertained by Juwon’s consistency of entering his home without any announcement. He leaned against the counter in his kitchen while Juwon stood opposite, his attention entirely on the older man. Dongsik lets the silence stretch out as he breathes in the flame that melted through his body like honey. He’s familiar with Juwon’s hostility towards smoking, which is the primary reason why he chose to light one now. But besides that, he’d simply felt the need to smoke once he saw the younger man’s figure slip through his front door.
“What are you trying to do?” He asks as a response to Juwon’s request in finding a house, flickering his eyes up to find composed ones. He twiddles with the cigarette between his fingers, playing with the cylindrical body.
Juwon’s eyes are secured on the smooth motion and almost appear entranced by it before he throws a shrug. Dongsik thinks, if this was three months ago he would never shrug, he was too stiff for it. “My apartment is too stuffy so I need a new place to stay, preferably in a peaceful area like this, don’t you think?” Dongsik scoffs at his usage of the word peaceful. There is nothing peaceful about this town, not with how something is always brewing beneath the surface, the depths more precarious than what lies above.
“Maybe I should bring you to my place one day so you can see it for yourself,” Juwon muses.
Dongsik raises an eyebrow at the suggestion. “Are you inviting me to your home, Inspector Han?”
Juwon seems delighted at the response as if it’s exactly what he wanted Dongsik to say. “Take it however you will, Lee Dongsik. I’m just trying to have a...what do they say? Change of scenery?”
“And you chose Manyang, out of everything?” Dongsik brings the smoke to his lips again, taking a sweep at it. He inhales deeply this time and discerns the way Juwon delayed his response to watching him do so. This undivided scrutiny isn’t new but there is something else now, a tiny addition in how Juwon looks at him that he has to get used to. It lies on the border of want if Dongsik wills. A stratified wanting that might easily sting him if he’s not careful.
“I work here so of course,” Juwon replies. He shifts on his feet as he feigns annoyance. “It’s not fair you get to walk home while I have to drive. Aren’t you aware of how gas prices continue to increase?”
Dongsik nods despite feeling the need to argue. Why would Juwon complain about gas prices when he’s quite literally swimming in money, especially with his soon-to-be commissioner father. It terribly unnerves him, and so he takes another drag of his smoke.
Juwon leans back, satisfied. “See. Will you help me find a place now?”
In response, Dongsik pushes his body off the counter and leans close, taking a step forward and crams into Juwon’s space. He can see the shift in Juwon’s eyes, although it’s more tamed now and it only further encourages Dongsik to throw him off balance. His lips part, although vaguely, and he ignores the rush that’s gushing through his blood and fogging his mind. He only moves closer inch by inch, noticing that Juwon’s eyes had drifted down now to where the smoke had started to escape. The air is thickening between them, and it is buttery, slick, it grows warm the closer Dongsik gets. He’s slightly surprised that Juwon hasn’t backed away by now, and it also frustrates him. He wants the man to run, not watch him like he’s enjoying a performance with his eyes never breaking away, looking at him as if he’s just daring Dongsik to do it.
It isn’t long before Dongsik’s face is mere inches away from his. Neither of them breathes, chained by the newfound tension that is close to holding them in a chokehold, not until Dongsik sighs and lets the smoke fall onto the younger man’s face. It brings him back to the night when he did something similar at the precinct, and how the fury on Juwon’s face fuelled him with satisfaction. Except now, there is no fury. There is only Juwon tilting his head slightly up as he slowly inhales the smoke, the cloudiness disappearing into his opened mouth, all the while fixing his eyes on Dongsik.
Dongsik stares at him, his mind silent, his fingers prickling with an urge to touch the younger man’s lips, or taste it to make sure that Juwon had really swallowed the smoke. It’s burning him, and he’s angry for having such thoughts. He’s simply too old to feel that familiar twist deep in his stomach, grasping onto every part of his body unless he satisfies it.
He forces himself to say something because Juwon is faintly smiling at his reaction.
He clenches his jaw tightly before saying, “Look at you. You don’t seem bothered by the smoke as you were before. Would you like to try out a cigarette yourself, Han Juwon?”
Juwon smiles and shakes his head. He stands straighter and looks down at Dongsik, those nonchalant eyes as infuriating as his next words.
“No, I’d...rather smoke it through you. It tastes better when you blow it out for me.”
He takes a step back and bows his head down, smiling at the dumbfounded man before walking away and out of the house.
It takes him five minutes to recollect all that had happened. When he breathes out, baffled, Dongsik snubs the cigarette on the counter, the action so aggressive that the stick bends in half. He stares at the closed front door and curses Juwon for the spiral he’s sent him in. “That fool. How would he know if it tastes better or not when he has never tried one.”
***
That night, Dongsik slept with his mind running. Juwon’s words were played on repeat the entire time, his sly tone and the insinuation that ran in every syllable clinging to him in despair.
It tastes better when you blow it out for me.
And because of that, images started to force their way in, visions of the man’s lips clouded with smoke. In these visions, time is slow and it drags on for what seems like an eternity. Nothing about Kang Jin-mook or his sister's death exists in here, and it is vibrantly calm and the sweet taste of want sticks to the back of Dongsik’s throat.
In this, Juwon is the one that shifts closer as Dongsik draws on his smoke, and neither of them say anything when he gets proximate enough that the tip of their noses touch. Juwon remains motionless in anticipation, eyes locked down. He then smiles when Dongsik pulls the cigarette away and he presses his lips against the older man’s. It is soft and warm, and the visions blur around the edges. He spreads Dongsik’s lips apart and breathes in, sucking the smoke out from his throat. Whatever Dongsik exhales he takes it in as if he’d been starving for air his entire life, their lips messily sliding across each other when they eventually run out of breath.
In another vision, Juwon takes the cigarette and settles it between his lips. He pulls on it, his throat opening up, but his face turns sour when the smoke leaves his mouth. He then moves, his body curling towards the older man. He uses his thumb to part open Dongsik’s lips, before placing the stick in between. He lets Dongsik take a drag from it, cradles his face, and says, ‘It tastes better when you blow it out for me.” before breathing him in.