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Eli wondered if he had offended Samakro. He was uncharacteristically grumpy- even by his standards and that was saying something. To his frustration, even Wutroow had maintained a stony silence on the topic, appearing to stick to neutrality. Another uncharacteristic appearance. But if Thrawn had taught him anything, it was to value silences and let them speak to him. In this instance, they told him that whatever this was, it was serious. Absent-mindedly, he wondered if it’s about that night but already knew he had little chance of getting any information out of the man. Instead, he buried his feelings deep, deep down and let his best neutral expression of professionalism wash over his face.
“Thank you, Lieutenant Eli’van’to.” Samakro’s eyes remained trained on his questis, his brow frowned, as Eli stood before him after delivering his report.
“Sir.” He acknowledged, lingering a moment- hoping the Chiss might look up. His hopes proved in vain. The insufferable — Eli resisted rolling his eyes. Stars, Thrawn suddenly seemed candid in comparison. At least Thrawn had never been evasive or passive-aggressive because that’s what Eli swore this was. In another life, he might have asked for a transfer to another unit, but that wasn’t how things were done in the CDF.
Accepting the silent cue, he left Samakro’s office, his shoulders slumped. As Thrawn once told him, sometimes a silence spoke louder than a thousand words. In this case, the message was clear. I don’t want to speak with you. So he made his resolution to avoid Samakro— There was no point socialising with someone who clearly didn’t want to speak to him, let alone look him in the eye. It would be best to stay professional and do his job. Thrawn had sent him here for a reason and he wasn’t going to disappoint if— when, he corrected himself — he got back. Nevertheless, Eli couldn’t deny he hurt. He’d thought he had finally, finally made a true friend here, clearly he thought wrong.
He missed Thrawn more with every passing day. And Faro. And Hammerly. And even Xoxin and her inane nagging.
Yet this was the day he learned of the ISD Chimaera ’s disappearance. For once, he didn’t care that Samakro’s eyes no longer met his own even as he stood straight in front of him as he conveyed the intelligence to Eli. Thrawn. His home. His friends. All disappeared. Eli had faith in Thrawn, he had to have faith in Thrawn for the alternative was something he daren’t consider. Yet the gnawing emptiness inside his grew stronger and stronger in a perfect symphony with the thundering in his ears. When the dismissal finally filtered through, he spun on his heel, eager to leave.
"Wait—” Samakro’s voice seemed to come from afar, thin and feeble in his ears. For the first time since Eli entered the office, the Chiss’ eyes met his own; a familiar shining red now filled with concern. Samakro’s smooth baritone cut through his mind, asking him if he was okay. No, of course not . He wanted to say, but instead, he cleared his voice and face of emotion. Eli wondered how long it would be till the mask would crack, showing the myriad of feelings underneath.
“Permission to leave, sir?” He had expected a swift dismissal, but instead, Samakro took a step towards him and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. Conflicting desires threatened to tear through his carefully composed features, he wanted to lean into the gesture but also step away.
“You can talk to me if you want.” Samakro’s voice was soft, caring even and the Cheunh was low and melodic.
Not unlike Thrawn’s voice . The thought hit him like a wall of ice, gripping his heart.
Eli couldn’t help but scoff at Samakro’s suggestion, not when he had all but ignored Eli for weeks. Not when he could have just lost the closest thing to a home he had left. Samakro’s arm jerked away and upwards as if to run his hands through his hair —a gesture Eli realised he hadn’t seen in weeks— but instead he stiffly crossed his arms behind his back. “Have I upset you?”
With any other person, it might have sounded cold. Distant. The formulation, the stance, the stiff posture, the set eyes. Any person but Eli . His heart ached with need as he looked straight through the façade, but not only for Samakro.
Thrawn .
How in that moment, Samakro —who usually was different from Thrawn in nearly every aspect— could be so achingly similar to Eli’s once partner-in-crime, his mentor and his best and, currently only, friend; a friend he might never see again, Eli would never know. But something in him broke. Grief and anxiety flooded his mind, but most overwhelming was the crushing loneliness.
“I thought we were friends, but I must have misjudged.” Eli resisted the urge to look at his boots, instead bore his eyes into the man in front of him. “But that does not matter, I only need to do my job, sir. ” He emphasised the last word, letting pained cold seep through the accented Cheunh falling off his lips.
Eli hadn’t been sure what effect he hoped his words might have on the Chiss, if any effect at all, but the change couldn’t have been more drastic. Samakro slumped, the stiff and closed off facade melting to give way to the gruff and slightly awkward man he knew so well— or thought he knew anyway. The Chiss rubbed his hand against his temple and groaned, then ran his hands through his hair, clearly having given up on maintaining whatever it was he was pretending to be before. Eli avoided looking at his face but could see his head shifting to gaze downwards.
“I owe you an apology. Eli’van’to.”
“ Just Eli. Please.”
“I didn’t know how to—” His voice broke off. Eli could hear him swallow. “I- I-”
Fuck-” Eli’s eyes involuntarily shifted to Samakro’s face. A deep red-purple blush spread over the Chiss’ sharp cheekbones. A slow tingling feeling sparked in his spine, slowly spreading as he tried to put the pieces together, considering the options and solutions, estimating the likelihoods.
Samakro mumbled a fast, grumbled flurry of Cheunh Eli couldn’t quite make out —but he hoped he had gotten the gist of it— He could not afford to get this wrong.
He stepped closer to Samakro, daring to hope as his stomach turned and twisted with nervous energy. “Talk to me.”
“You are a very confusing man, Eli’va— Eli .” Samakro sighed.
Eli’s hand twitched, longing for physical contact and the safety and comfort he had so desperately craved the past few weeks. By now, it had become a phantom feeling he struggled to properly recall; only fleeting fragments from fading memories and dreams already half-forgotten when he woke up. They had been his only source of comfort for so long now and it did nothing to quieten the bittersweet ache in his chest, pulling him closer and closer to the man in front of him. “As are you.”
“I know that this— Us— It isn’t easy. Different languages, cultures, upbringings, but I think it—” Samakro paused, his gaze suddenly intense and boring into Eli. “You would be worth it.” Eli could feel the heat blooming on his cheekbones, for once welcoming its ability to communicate his feelings so clearly.
After a moment, Samakro continued. “However there is the matter of Mitth’raw’nuruodo.”
The whirlwind in his mind came to a screeching halt only to barrel down another end, confusion clear on his face as he raised an eyebrow. Thrawn?
Samakro averted his gaze, conflict playing on his tense expression. “I— ” He swallowed thickly and licked his lips, a nervous gesture as he stalled for time. “I feel attached to you— I care for you and I hoped that you’d return the feeling. But your relationship with Mitth’raw’nuruodo...” Samakro trailed off and covered his face with his hands and his thumbs rubbed his temples. “It confuses me and I didn’t want to pry; I know it doesn’t concern me, but it— ” Samakro paused again, struggling to formulate words as he now pinched the bridge of his nose. Eli resisted the need to ask questions or clarifications and held his breath as he stood rooted to the ground. The air felt thick and electric, flooded with meaning as they circled the eye of their storm. This moment mattered; it would define him and his years to come as much as when he first looked up into shining red eyes all those years ago. And now as he looked at a similar yet infinitely different pair of eyes, Eli knew he needed to let the Chiss verbalise the concerns he so clearly struggled with. This time, he couldn’t allow for any misunderstandings or assumptions.
“I’ve avoided it” — and you— “but I need to know what he means to you.”
Eli’s hand met Samakro’s. “We spent over a decade together— He was— is my friend. I care for him and his absence hurts me.” Eli couldn’t prevent the sadness that ebbed in his voice, only kept from flowing from his eyes by a comforting squeeze of Samakro’s hand. “I miss him and neither of us would be who we are today without the other. A part of him will always be with him, just as part of me will hopefully always be with him.”
Samakro’s thumb rubbed slow circles over the back of Eli’s hand, seemingly wanting but hesitant to twine their hands together as Eli desperately wanted to. “You and him— Mitth'raw'nuruodo, were you intimate?” The words tumbled over his lips awkwardly.
Eli smiled weakly. “In a way, but never like that— Emotionally, but never physically.”
Pain and conflict flashed over Samakro’s features; a tell-tale thinning of his lips as he bit the inside of his mouth. There is something he is not telling me . Eli studied his eyes, noting the nervous tension suddenly coursing through the Chiss.
Then he realised.
“Were you?”
Samakro choked, the furious blush spreading on his face an answer in itself as he suddenly seemed fascinated by the rank patch on Eli’s shoulder. “Yes, but only ever physically.” Eli tightened his grip on Samakro’s hand when he started to pull away. “I apologise for not telling you, I probably should have but I—” Samakro’s pulse quickened under Eli’s finger as he tugged the Chiss closer towards him and finally twined their fingers together before he finally fell silent and quietly stared at Eli’s shoulders. Feeling emboldened, he raised his fingers to Samakro’s chin and gently tilted his face until they were looking at each other again. “It’s okay”
“We’ll talk- but not now, this isn’t the right time.” Thrawn’s disappearance and their worries hung heavy in the air between them.
“We make a right pair.” Eli chuckled, allowing himself to run his hand through his hair as Samakro knitted his brow in confusion. The expression didn't quite translate to Cheunh, but he didn’t have the energy to explain it. “We’ll find a way.” He smiled as he met Samakro’s eyes.
“I hope so.”
“As long as it is what you want.”
There was a brief, but not uncomfortable silence as Samakro eyed him, seizing him up as if seeing him for the first time, a Chiss habit Eli had learned. He waited patiently, softly stroking the side of Samakro’s face as his hand still rested under his chin.
“I don’t know yet, not exactly.” He worried his bottom lip between his teeth and not for the first time Eli wished he could take his face in his hands and kiss him. Maybe another time. “I’ve missed you.” Samakro blushed deeper, shifting his weight from one foot to another.
“I know.” Eli smiled as slid his arm down to rest on his shoulder, which the Chiss covered with his own.
“In the future, please talk to me.”
Samakro frowned. “I’ll try— It’s not—”
“I’m not Chiss, it’s easy for me either; the language and culture and how this all works. But I want to try this— Us. ” He pleaded.
“I want that too.” Samakro nodded and he pulled Eli into a hug. His arms were warm and strong around him as Eli relaxed and leaned into the Chiss, soaking up the safety and comfort he had so craved. Eli pressed his lips against Samakro’s temple and carded his other hand through the Chiss’ hair. His skin was warm against his lips as he rested his head moment to let the moment bleed through him. For a brief moment, the universe felt less vast and Eli knew that even chaos itself would not stop them from finding their ex-commander and his best friend, not with Samakro at his side.