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Adonis taps his foot to the beat, humming along to the music in his headphones as he shuffles through his notes and waits for the signal.
Out of all his unitmates, he has been told he has the most reasonable method of preparing before a radio broadcast. When he looks up at the idols around him he can certainly see why. Koga seems to be getting his nerves out by picking a fight with Rei, who simply listens to him with a soft smile, and Kaoru will flirt with and try to steal away the most eligible crewmember. Who in this case happens to be one Nito Nazuna, but it doesn’t seem to be stopping him. Nothing out of the ordinary at this point. Adonis looks back at his notes to confirm the order of the broadcast.
- Introduction
-
Song corner
-
Chat corner
-
Advice corner
He lets out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Really, TV appearances are stressful enough, but at least he can rely on the others to do the talking while he simply offers his presence. But even if there’s picture evidence, fans talk if you’re barely present in an audio production.
Ding !
Adonis jumps in his seat when the notification sound bounces through his headphones. Ah. He’d forgotten to mute his phone again. He braces himself for another errand from his sisters, but the way his heart jumps when he reads the contact name certainly isn’t unpleasant.
Kanzaki Souma
Good luk at yur brodc
Kanzaki Souma
Ast
Adonis smiles. His whole body seems to relax almost instantly
Otogari Adonis
Thnk yo I feel bettr now
He’s about to tuck his phone into his pocket when it goes off one more time.
Kanzaki Souma
（＾ν＾）
Adonis feels his face grow warm. Cute .
He’s long since accepted that he’s in love with his best friend. He’s accepted that he may have been in love with him since the day they first met. Either it’s surprisingly easy to have such feelings for someone, or it’s simply this easy to have such feelings for Kanzaki Souma. At times Adonis finds it difficult to believe that everyone isn’t in love with him.
However, precious few have been able to see Souma as Adonis has seen him. Whether it’s him stifling a laugh at a shared inside joke during class, the way he pokes his tongue out when he’s concentrating, the glow of the moonlight on his skin as he pours out worries about next year that would turn out to be pointless, the gentle childlike wonder on his face when he plays with Kamegorou, or the way his body curves and bends as he practices sword swinging for the fourth time that day. Adonis is the only one who’s gotten to see all of these. Is it selfish to be glad about it?
The music stops suddenly, as Koga pulls his headphones off. “Oi, Adonis, the show’s startin’ in a minute. Ya really that nervous?” His friend’s tone sounds flippant, but there’s real concern in his face.
“I’ll be alright. Thank you.” He looks once more at the final message from Souma, still unopened on his screen, and sighs. Put his notes in order, sit down in the right spot.... and ready.
The light blinks on, filling the studio with a faint buzz. Nazuna gives a thumbs up and Kaoru winks at him, causing the smaller boy to turn bright red. Koga may have his back to him, but his judgement of the look on Kaoru’s face still earns him a kick to the shin.
“Ow…. Haha, it’s been such a long time without chatting with you ladies and gents, it’s been hurting my poor heart!” It’s a corny save, but it suits his character. “I hope you’ve all been keeping happy!”
“Well that was dumb as hell,” Koga growls. “How long did it take you to come up with that one?” The looks on the staff’s faces make it clear to Adonis that this is not how things were supposed to go. Rei looks at him expectantly, and though Adonis shoots back a pleading stare it seems he’s stuck with this role.
“Hakaze-senpai. Oogami. Please don’t fight. Our fans listen to us as a source of joy, not a source of strife. It would be terrible to waste their time by making them upset.” Adonis glances at Rei, who nods with a smile on his face.
Kaoru laughs. “Yeah, Koga-kun, you don’t wanna make anyone sad, right? Think about all the little doggies who tune in to hear your voice.”
Adonis’s attention is brought to his friend, whose face is twisted like he’s trying to determine whether he should be mad or if the idea of dogs being his fans is pretty cool. Rei clears his throat.
“Welcome, all of you. We hope that you’ll enjoy our tryst in the dark of night. (“It’s three in the damn afternoon,” mutters Koga.) It’s been far too long since we last tempted you into our arms, with voices sweet as honey and dark as sin. As you may know, my name is Sakuma Rei, and as the dark ruler I’m more than happy to introduce you to the demons at my side.” In contrast to his words, Rei smiles sweetly at Koga to prompt his introduction.
“Oogami Koga,” he says, holding up a rock and roll hand sign before remembering the audience can’t see him and lowering his hand. “Lone wolf, but these guys ain’t so bad. But I ain’t docile, these fangs will rip through anyone who gets in my way.”
“Hakaze Kaoru~. Once you’re caught in my trap, you’ll never want to leave…
Adonis’s fingers tap the table nervously as Kaoru finishes his introduction. Finally, it’s his turn. “Otogari Adonis,” he says. Right. Of course that’s not all. “Let me be your guide through this dark night. Never let go of my hand. Danger may lurk all around, but I’ll be the only one to touch you.” Souma had helped him come up with that, something that fits the theme yet still feels comforting. He likes it a lot. He likes him a lot.
The song corner is Adonis’s favorite, as bad as he feels that seems. Each of them take turns introducing songs they’ve been listening to most frequently, and while the songs play there’s no reason to speak. It’s quite relaxing.
“Oho? It seems they’ve set up a little game to… expose ourselves.” Rei’s eyes widen as he looks over the leader notes. “Each of us will submit our current most played song, and the listeners will have to guess which belongs to whom.” It seems simple enough. And if it’s a mystery whose song it is, then there’ll be no need for any sort of introduction.
There’s a quick break as the four UNDEAD members pull out their phones to search. Rei leans over to watch what Koga’s doing to attempt to follow along on his own device, but Koga turns red and tells him to look at his own damn phone. Kaoru is proving to be more helpful, navigating Adonis through his streaming app to figure it out. He’s somewhat figured out how to use it, often asking Makoto to help him add songs to a playlist, but there are many functions he’s unaware of.
Kaoru exhales sharply in amusement. “Damn, Adonis-kun, you got it bad don’t you?” At the top of his On Repeat playlist is Ouka Kenran Seishunka . Adonis knows what his senpai means, as well as knows that he’s right, but it’s easier to play dumb.
“It’s a lovely song.” Perfect. Not suspicious at all. Kaoru raises an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed.
“If you say so… Just write it down already, then. Need me to help with the kanji?”
“No, I can do it. Thank you.” Admittedly he would not be able to write them all from memory, but he’s confident seeing them in front of him.
The light blinks back on, and Rei starts with a low chuckle.
“Thank you for your patience. We now introduce a new segment to our music corner, Mystery Obsession. We shall introduce to you our most-played songs, but in order to know whose recommendation it is you’ll have to peer deep into our hearts. Or perhaps not so deep. We shall begin with this. Please follow this station’s Twitter to make your guesses.”
A Twitter poll appears on a screen in the recording booth as the first song starts to play, starting with aggressive guitar and crashing drums.
Song 1
Sakuma Rei 0%
Hakaze Kaoru 0%
Oogami Koga 0%
Otogari Adonis 0%
A staff member refreshes the page after about thirty seconds as the voting begins.
Song 1
Sakuma Rei 14%
Hakaze Kaoru 5%
Oogami Koga 76%
Otogari Adonis 5%
Koga scoffs as the first results begin to creep in. “Rock and roll is timeless, but that don’t mean shit can’t get old. This song’s gotta be from middle school.”
Rei raises an eyebrow. “Interesting. I recall you practicing this with the twins and Isara-kun just a few days ago. Has your opinion changed so quickly?”
“Doesn’t explain why you’re listening to it.”
The oldest member frowns. “I’m a part of Band BB too, you know. I was hoping we could all play it together, so I’ve been practicing.”
“...Whatever.” Koga’s expression brightens despite his words. “I mean, it hasn’t been bad without ya. The twins are getting real fuckin’ good and me ‘n Dekosuke talk about how annoying you and Ricchi are.”
Before Rei can respond in a way that suits his pathetic expression, the poll is refreshed.
Song 1
Sakuma Rei 23%
Hakaze Kaoru 7%
Oogami Koga 64%
Otogari Adonis 6%
The song ends after a few minutes, and though the votes increase the poll numbers haven’t changed much once the results become public. Nazuna gives the signal to start talking again, and Rei breaks the silence with a laugh.
“You seemed quite confident about that one. Unfortunately, I must tell you that that song was my Secret Obsession. It’s hard to bond with kouhai after graduating, but listening to and learning this song is my way of reaching out. Congratulations to those of you who chose correctly, and to those who did not please don’t fret. You still have more chances, one of which is beginning now.”
The opening notes of Adonis’s pick fade in, and he feels the eyes of everyone in the studio on him.
Tenjou tenge sasurau, renge no hanabira. Kensaki kaze o okoseba yurari moeru manjushage
The next Twitter poll makes its way onto the screen.
Song 2
Sakuma Rei 0%
Hakaze Kaoru 0%
Oogami Koga 0%
Otogari Adonis 0%
Adonis’s heart flips in his chest, settling into a position that makes him more than aware of it, but he’s unsure what the main emotion is. There’s no reason for him to be ashamed, Souma was so proud of his solo song from conception to release and Adonis truly believes it’s incredible. And if he can introduce his talent to fans who may focus more on UNDEAD than anyone else, then isn’t that a victory?
He’s happy to hear Souma’s voice. He’s aware that everyone’s focus is on him. But that’s not what’s at the forefront of his mind. No, he’s certain that what he’s feeling right now is the fear that Souma may become aware of his feelings. While that sounds nice in theory, there’s no guarantee that he’ll get the response he so badly wants. So for now he’s content to harbor this love in secret.
Song 2
Sakuma Rei 0%
Hakaze Kaoru 5%
Oogami Koga 0%
Otogari Adonis 95%
Kaoru laughs, and Adonis wonders if he’s trying to take the attention away from him. He really does have a good heart. “Man, he’s gonna be so pissed at me if he finds out people voted for me. He’s got a great voice, but that’s totally not what I wanna hear every time I wanna listen to something.”
“What song did you pick?” He’s truly thankful for the opportunity to not focus on what Souma might be thinking right now if he’s listening.
“You’ll see. It’s nothing special, though. I don’t have some cute story about it like you or Rei-kun.”
“I don’t have a cute story.” By the looks on his unit members’ faces, none of them believe him. Nor should they. Adonis is hyper-aware of his phone in his pocket, in case it buzzes with a text.
It isn’t long before he feels that dreaded sensation.
Narukami Arashi
You’re soooo cute, you know that?
The results update. Adonis is incredibly glad the poll has replies turned off, but the number of quote retweets is making him nervous.
Song 2
Sakuma Rei 0%
Hakaze Kaoru 3%
Oogami Koga 0%
Otogari Adonis 97%
For the first time in all the times he’s heard it, he’s eager for the song to end. He jots down a few notes for his turn to confirm that it was his pick, and as Souma’s voice fades out everyone’s eyes are back on him.
“You…” Adonis clears his throat. “You all thought well. Nearly all of you knew that this was my song.” The words “secret obsession” are far too accurate for him to feel comfortable using. “I listened to it often on my last trip to visit my father. Along with my other friends’ songs, who also were at the top of the list.” The last part is not untrue, but tacked on quickly once Adonis realized he didn’t want to end on that note. This should make it better.
The rest of the corner continues on, with Koga’s most listened song being an Arabic rock song that he confessed was kinda hoping would be played before Adonis’s to throw the fans off, and Kaoru’s being an English feel-good pop song. He’d shrugged casually, saying it’s fun to listen to when he gets ready.
“It’s pretty great hearing my roommate, Ran Nagisa-kun humming it when he’s taking notes on new stuff he’s found,” he’d added during his confirmation.
A few more requested songs are introduced and played, and after that Adonis’s blissful moments of not being obligated to talk much are over. The Chat Corner is probably his least favorite part of the agenda.
Koga introduces this part. “Since you guys are nosy to the point of being creepy we asked ya to send us shit you want us to talk about. Most of you sent in normal stuff. Shoulda been “all of you” but you’re gettin’ better.” He scrolls through the tablet in front of him. “Aight, leon0718, great name, wants to know about shit we’re doing outside of idol work. What’re we into right now, that kinda thing.” Okay, that doesn’t sound too hard to talk about. “Adonis, you wanna start?”
So you can get it out of the way is the hidden message in Koga’s words. Adonis nods.
“I’ve been spending time with the Track and Field club at Yumenosaki. It’s a nice way to clear my head and get some exercise in. I recommend running to anyone seeking to train their body. It’s something you can do anywhere with no equipment, and you get to spend time outside. You can even do it alone or with friends. I find Tenma is a very suitable partner,” he says with a smile. Madara had made a bit of a fuss before graduation, wondering what his baby-chan and the others are gonna do without him, but Arashi had sternly reminded him that it really won’t be much different than usual. Not that that’s stopped her from complaining about him not being there to pay attention to her. “It’s something I can do to escape the pressures of idol work and just exist with the world.”
Rei smiles. “Now, that will certainly be a tough one to follow. That’s quite wonderful, Adonis-kun.” Adonis nods. “Kaoru-kun, do tell us what you’ve been doing.”
Leaning back in his chair, Kaoru gives a lazy grin. “I’ve actually been hanging out with Biblion, you know, that book club.”
“I didn’t know you could read,” Koga interjects. Kaoru makes a face at him unbefitting of his cool playboy persona, but still seems more like him than everything else Adonis is used to seeing from him.
“ Anyway , me and Hajime-kun have been talking a lot about this book he recommended to me. And me and Ran-kun even got Yuuta-kun to check out one of the books we both wanted to read so we could watch the movie in our room some night. If I’ve gotta spend my precious free time around guys, this isn’t the worst way I could be doing it.”
Koga goes on to talk about helping at a pet shelter ---not a store, he emphasizes, a shelter--- with the ANIMALS circle. Adonis likes hearing that story. He sent him plenty of very cute dogs and cats and rodents and even birds. Perhaps sometime he’ll ask his roommates about their feelings on him having a pet. Rei is purposely vague about Mystery Researchers, not due to a real sense of secrecy but just to fit the theme of the club. Or so Adonis thinks. Makoto has told him about some of the things they talk about there, so he hopes that’s all.
Other topics include favorite places to eat, embarrassing moments, dorm life, and a question Adonis actually quite liked about advice they would like to give to their younger self. He’d thought back to the loneliness he’d felt two years prior, and how it didn’t last nearly as long as he feared it would. He would have advised himself to keep his eyes on the goal in front of him, and that feeling lost isn’t always a bad thing. His unitmates all took this question seriously in their own answers, which surprised him. Rei talked about not neglecting the most important things in life, Koga wanted to pick up guitar earlier, and Kaoru gave the most interesting answer about how he’d encourage the younger him to give being himself a try once in a while. Finally, the next commercial break comes on, leading into the advice corner. Adonis doesn't actually dislike this part. He may not think he’s necessarily good at giving advice, but if he can help someone just a little bit then he’s happy.
Each member has an opened and re-sealed envelope in front of them. When the commercial break ends they’ll pretend they’re reading it for the first time, but they have a few minutes during it to start to think up their answers. Adonis wonders what sort of advice he’ll be tasked to give. It’s often the fans who feel lonely or out of place that write to him.
Nothing could have prepared him for what he opened the envelope to.
Dear Adonis-kun
I’m like, totally in love with my best friend. And it’s driving me crazy!
Adonis chokes on his breath.
Is this a joke?
Why would someone write to him about love? Those questions are almost always directed towards Hakaze-senpai. What does he know?
And why did it have to be someone who has the same dilemma as he does?
“Adonis, you okay?” Koga’s voice brings him back to the room. “What, did someone sneak some weird shit in there? I thought these were supposed to be screened. What the fuck?” Adonis shakes his head.
“No, it’s… just more relatable than I expected. I may need to go last to figure out how to answer.” Koga nods.
“Sucks. But you’ll figure something out.”
Will he, though? He decides to dive back in to the letter, hoping something will stand out as different enough to clear the fog in his head.
Dear Adonis-kun,
I’m like, totally in love with my best friend. And it’s driving me crazy!
So me and this guy have been best friends for a while, right? We do pretty much everything together. We study together, eat together, go out on weekends, and it’s amazing. But lately all I can focus on is how much I like him, and how he probably doesn’t like me back. Whenever our classmates tease us, he just laughs and says that’s definitely not what’s going on. He always seems like… nervous. Does he really not want me to think that I might ever have a chance?
But whenever we’re together there’s no trace of that nervousness. He smiles like usual, he laughs like usual, he sits close enough to me that I worry he might be able to feel my heart racing, and I humbly request that you like, help me!
Love, Hatsukoi Nayami
The end of the letter is jarring, to say the least. Nearly all of the message reads as though written by a high school girl in love, but that last sentence has the slightest touch of formality that only brings one person to mind. But there’s no way Souma could have written this. Adonis is sure of that. It’s hard enough for him to adopt a different way of speaking even when reading off a script, much less writing his own words.
It’s either a cruel prank or a kindred spirit. Adonis much prefers the concept of the latter.
He barely registers the break ending and the broadcast resuming. He’s looking at the letter and his blank new note page, head full of questions and zero answers. He could frame it as giving advice to himself, but unrequited love is difficult. He can’t encourage this girl to confess not knowing if her friend returns her feelings. Being the one to encourage the start of a lifelong relationship would be wonderful, but being responsible for the breakup of a friendship would be devastating. There really is no right answer. He wishes he could even offer empathy, but he knows such a thing would affect his image. And he’s not sure how Souma would react if he indirectly confessed his love for him on the radio.
Adonis jots down a couple of words, then scratches off about half. Perhaps instead of giving advice to himself, he could think of it as advice he’d like to hear. When he writes it down the two ways of framing it seem identical, but the latter seems slightly less intimidating. What would other people tell him?
Arashi wouldn’t be much help. She would just tell him to tell Souma how he feels. A big sister’s intuition is never wrong, Adonis-chan~.
Chiaki could be of some help. As a senpai who doesn’t take pleasure in teasing him, he might have some good ideas. If you believe in yourself, it’ll definitely turn out alright!
But the one person he’d most like to seek advice from is Souma himself. That wouldn't exactly work.
Adonis sighs, then immediately worries that his mic picked it up. Luckily the only one that seems to be active at the moment is Koga’s, as he tells someone about something Adonis can’t figure out. He didn’t even know he’d started talking.
“It’s just Rei-kun and then you left,” Kaoru murmurs. “You got time, but not much.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear a word of your segment.”
“Nah, you seem busy enough. Don’t blame you. Good luck.” Kaoru pulls out his phone to send a text, and Adonis is vaguely aware of Nazuna checking his phone before catching his senpai’s eye and nodding.
Adonis rereads the letter again, his attention once again brought to that one out-of-place phrase. Is this a thing girls do to make themselves interesting? It makes him sad to think anyone may feel they have to resort to that. If someone can be themselves, they should have no reason to be anyone else.
He scratches out his notes. Maybe try a different perspective. He and this girl are different people, so instead of giving advice to himself he ought to give advice to her.
His ears adjust from his clouded thoughts to his surroundings just as Rei seems to be wrapping up his advice. It’s almost his turn. At least this means it’s almost over.
Awaiting his mic being switched back on, he takes a deep breath.
“This letter is from Hatsukoi Nayami-san. I believe this name is a pun on “first love troubles.”. Very clever. Hatsukoi-san writes: Dear Adonis-kun …”
Reading the letter out loud is a completely different sensation. Even with the difference in their speech patterns, saying the words “I’m like, totally in love with my best friend” and hearing them in his own voice feels like baring his soul to everyone who listens.
He finishes reading the letter to complete silence. It takes Adonis a moment to remember that he’s supposed to respond.
“Hatsukoi-san. I admit I’m unsure as to why you penned your letter to me, but I’ll do my best to advise you.” Adonis is trying not to show anything but concern and gentleness, but his knee is bouncing quite quickly under the table. “Thank you for sharing your troubles with me. I’m certain that harboring such a love must be incredibly painful. As a friend, you want to keep him around. But the longer you’re around him, the harder it feels. Yet it’s somehow not hard at all, because this is someone you can’t imagine not sharing your life with. Or so I’m told.” He needs to be careful. This is what happens when he ignores his notes.
“Your friend must really enjoy being around you. Try and think about whether or not he’s talked about other people he may be interested in, or if that’s a topic the two of you seem to avoid. That may help you determine his feelings. You stated also that you spend your weekends together. Why not invite him somewhere nicer than usual? My sisters have spent plenty of time using me to figure out how men think, so I would say that if I was in his place I would suspect that you may be interested in me. If he responds well, then you can turn your outing into a first date. If he seems to be uncomfortable, then it’s your decision whether to confess your intentions or tell him an excuse. Perhaps you didn’t think the place would be quite as stuffy.”
“If he doesn’t return your feelings… I’m afraid I don’t have any advice for that. Perhaps surrounding yourself with other friends could help you, or taking a break in your friendship until it doesn’t hurt to see him anymore. Though I can imagine that would hurt even more than the rejection.” Adonis cannot imagine anything worse than Souma treating him as no more than a casual acquaintance, or worse, a stranger. “I can only wish you luck, and for the two of you to find your happiness however it may turn out.”
Finishing his answer is nearly as nerve-wracking as starting it. Once he’s done talking, he has time to think about his answer and convince himself that everything he said was wrong. The poor girl must be so disappointed in his answer.
He runs his fingers through his hair and leans back in his chair as Rei concludes the broadcast. Koga offers him a sympathetic look, and Kaoru pats his shoulder.
Adonis is exhausted. He didn’t realize unrequited love could feel like a workout. And this doesn’t even make you any stronger.
He’s not sure what he’s going to do. Souma’s surely going to ask him about this answer, or he may even avoid it. He really doesn’t know which scenario is worse.
Adonis can’t believe he ever thought this was uncomplicated.
—————————
Three days earlier
Narukami Arashi sits with a pen in hand, staring at a letter from a friend that she’s been asked to translate into “girl.” It’s super cute in its own way, and she’d tried to convince him to submit it without revision so Nazuna-chan could plant it during the advice corner, but the answer was firm. She needed to fix it.
She’s totally happy to, don’t get her wrong. But the last thing you wanna do when confessing is not be yourself. She smiles. Maybe she’ll let a little bit of the original letter shine through, just to spice things up.
Dear Adonisu-dono Adonis-kun,
I’ve fallen in love with my best friend, and it’s filling my heart with the most complicated of feelings.
The two of us have been extremely close for two years at this point, and despite experiencing it it is quite hard to imagine a day where he’s not by my side. We assist each other with subjects in which we study, we cook meals to share, and spend our weekends training together and exploring our surroundings.
However, as of late my feelings for him are at the forefront of my mind, and buried deep within my heart. I’m certain he does not return this sentiment. Our classmates often tease us about acting like a couple, but he always denies it. He seems nervous, and I fear he’s worried about me getting any ideas about him feeling some way he doesn’t.
But whenever we’re together there’s no trace of such nervousness. His smile is radiant as usual, his laugh is comforting as usual, he sits close enough to me that I fear he may be able to feel my heart racing, and I humbly request that you offer your advice.
Love, Kanzaki Souma