Work Text:
1995
She’s a three year old girl, Mary, not a dragon Why are you so nervous? She hissed at herself as she stood on the Sheffield’s doorstep, sweat beading on her brow. She took a deep breath, butterflies fluttering at her stomach. But really, she knew why she was nervous. Because from the second Thomas Sheffield had walked into the small bookstore Mary worked in, his eyes darting around the room as he said I’m umm… I’m wondering if you could help me? Please? My daughter seems to be getting very bored with our current selection of books. Last night she actually tutted at me. Mary had felt her stomach flutter. And by the time he’d walked away with a stack of books tucked under his arm, her phone number written on his hand, she’d felt a little ridiculously like the rest of her life had just started. And she’d known from the very beginning that he had a daughter, the beautiful, amazed way he talked about her had been one of the things that had endeared him to her. But if his daughter didn’t like her, that would be it. It had to be.
“Why are you hovering on the doorstep Mary? Come in, she’s excited to meet you.” Thomas’ voice called through the door that had opened suddenly, Mary’s heart giving a little stutter as he kissed her cheek softly. “You look nervous, Don’t be. She wants to have a tea party with you.” He chuckled against her ear. And Mary tried to smile, the truth forcing its way out of her like it always seemed to do around Thomas
“I just want her to like me.” It was barely a whisper, her bottom lip caught between her teeth and his eyes softened, his smile more so.
“She’s going to love you. How could she not?” And her heart fluttered again even as he said “She has very good taste, like father like daughter.” A cheeky little wink sending the butterflies in her stomach wild. His lips pressed to hers briefly swallowing her chuckle.
“Are you ready?” Mary nodded and he took her hand tugging her down the hallway into the living room as he said
“Hey, Peanut!’ In a little sing song voice, Mary’s heart clenching at the adorable nickname “There’s someone here to see you!”
Inside the living room the head of a tiny girl shot up, her brown eyes lighting up immediately as she stood from the picture she was colouring in the middle of the floor, her wildly curly hair bouncing in time with her footsteps as she sprinted the short distance across the room, a heart stopping smile on her face.
“Peanut,” Thomas said crouching in front of her, “This is Daddy’s special friend Mary, can you introduce yourself?” The girl nodded, grinning happily, and stepped round her father to stand right in front of Mary, her hand outstretched as she said
“My name’s Katharine Sheffield, but you can call me Kate, if you like.” Thomas was smiling delightedly at his daughter, his eyes shining with pride, and they made such a beautiful picture that tears stung at Mary’s eyes. She took Kate’s hand shaking it lightly as she knelt before her.
“I’m Mary, and it’s very nice to meet you, Kate. Your Daddy has told me so much about you.” She said gently, and god the way Kate looked suspiciously back at her father was nothing short of adorable.
“Well, Daddy’s very silly. Can I tell you about me instead?” She said making an exasperated tutting noise that should have been quite out of place on a three year old but seemed to fit perfectly with this beautiful little girl.
“I’d like that, Kate.” And she’d barely had time to get the words out before Kate had tugged her towards the sofa, and scrambled onto her lap, her tiny hands already moving excitedly as she spoke.
“Mary, Do you like dogs?” She said, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.
“I do like dogs, yes.” Mary replied nodding, unable to take her eyes off the girl perched in her lap. She could feel Thomas’ eyes watching them curiously from the armchair nearby.
Kate let out a dramatic sigh “Mrs. Grantham next door has the best dog. His name is Churchill, and he’s a corgi.” She said the word like it was the most incredible thing in the world, Mary had to bite her lip to stop from laughing.
“Churchill does all kinds of tricks, and Mrs Grantham lets me help her walk him when she looks after me. I love his fluffy ears, and his little tail.” And then she leaned in very close to Mary’s ear and said, in what Mary was quite sure was meant to be a whisper “I really want a corgi, Mary.”
And Mary’s heart swelled with affection for this little girl. She hummed thoughtfully. “Well maybe, one day you can get one. Dogs are a big responsibility.” Thomas sighed next to them.
“Peanut, we’ve talked about this, Dogs make Daddy sick. We can get a goldfish though.” Mary sent him an apologetic look, light panic rising in her chest. Of course she’d said exactly the wrong thing. Thomas mouthed It’s fine, relax over his daughter’s pouting head, a very soft smile on his face that made Mary’s stomach swoop. Another dramatic sigh from Kate, who shifted against Mary tucking her chin onto Mary’s shoulder.
“Mary are you going to marry my Daddy?” She asked, her voice curious and Mary’s heart stopped, nerves bubbling in her stomach the words I hope so pushing at the back of her throat.
“Katie!” Thomas laughed loudly, “You can’t ask people that!” His eyes were shining with delight as his daughter just shrugged, continuing, completely unbothered by her father’s light admonishment, in her chattering. Did Mary know how to make pancakes? Because she liked them but her Daddy couldn’t make them properly. She was very good at drawing, would Mary like to see how good she was?
And by the time Kate had tugged Mary into the middle of the room and drawn her a picture of a quite haphazard looking thing that Mary assumed was Churchill the corgi, She knew that Kate Sheffield had her heart clenched in her tiny fist, just as much as her father did.
2006
“Mary! Why are you being like this?! You’re ruining my life!”
Kate’s voice rang through the kitchen, and Mary had to fight very hard not to roll her eyes at the teenage drama of it all, to remain calm. Mary considered herself a fairly level headed woman, but honestly, sometimes parenting a teenage girl was truly testing. And she knew, Kate was a good girl. She went to school, didn’t skip class to smoke behind the bike sheds, so far as Mary knew anyway, she did her homework, she was smart, and kind, and she loved her little sister, but on some days; Kate seemed determined to rile Mary. As though it were a test, to see how far Mary could be pushed before she said Enough Kate. I’m done. And the very thought made her heart ache. Because Mary knew, deep in her soul, that she loved Edwina no differently than she loved Kate. The love she felt when she’d held Edwina as a tiny baby was familiar, constant, mimicked hours later when she’d seen Kate poke her nose around the doorframe nervously, as though she expected Mary to shove her away any moment.
“Kate, your father and I agreed that this was best. I’m sorry if that’s disappointing.” Mary said calmly, setting a glass of juice in front of Edwina, reading at the table her short legs swinging from the chair. And usually, usually, this would have been the end of the conversation, but apparently Kate was feeling even more argumentative than normal, her eyes narrowed behind her glasses,
“Only me!” Mary heard her mother’s voice call out, and of course she was here now. She could hear her footsteps echoing through the hall towards them. Mary saw Kate’s eyes flick nervously to the doorway, and her heart clenched for her daughter.
“Edwina, look at you!” Mary’s mother said as she swept into the room, wrapping her granddaughter in a tight hug. Edwina barely paying attention as she continued reading.
“Hi, Granny.”
Her mother’s eyes barely flicking in Kate’s direction as she let out a cold, “Katharine.”
Kate’s face flickered for a second, “Good afternoon, Karen.” She said, her voice monotone.
Mary bit back a sigh. The very first time, Kate had been introduced to her mother, Mary had noticed the same thing. Kate had rushed forward, her eyes shining with excitement as they always were when she encountered anything new I’m Katharine, you can call me Kate if you like. And Mary had been a little disappointed, when her mother had looked at her from a distance, not taking her offered hand and said You can call me Karen. And that had been that. She’d pulled Mary aside in the kitchen later and said Mary, you’re only 25, You don’t want to be raising someone else’s child. And Mary hadn’t known how to say that it didn’t feel at all like she was raising someone else’s child, she was raising her own. She couldn’t have loved Kate anymore had she given birth to her, even then. Even before she’d watched Kate grow into this beautiful young woman. Even at fourteen Mary could see the person she would become, kind, and intelligent, and fiercely protective. It was all right there, in the girl who nervously adjusted her glasses, who hid her smile in photographs so no one would see her braces. And it hurt to see Kate pushed aside, maybe more so than it hurt Kate herself because Mary was the cause of it. And every time Mary told herself that next time she would say something to her mother. And she didn’t, and she burned with shame.
“We’ll talk about this later, sweetheart.” Mary said softly to Kate, her eyes warning her. She could feel her mother’s eyes flicking between the two of them, sharply assessing, wondering what had happened before she entered the room.
“What’s the point?!” Kate snapped a little irritatedly, her jaw set defiantly, “You and Dad decided right? It doesn’t matter what I want, does it? It never does.” Kate’s voice cracking a little, as she spoke, her voice bouncing off the walls. Mary sighed,
“Katie, honey-” She started, but someone else cut across her.
“You ungrateful little girl.” Her mother’s cold voice rang out, Her eyes fixed on Kate who flinched back against the work top as though she’d been struck, her mouth falling open slightly in surprise right in time with Mary who felt her self freeze, unable to move.
“How dare you treat her like that? She’s done nothing but love you, and she doesn’t have too you know! God knows why, you’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve it. You’re not her child.” Edwina’s head had shot up from her book now, a small crease forming between her eyebrows, her lips pursed. Mary could feel rage simmering inside her chest, rising higher and higher, years of hurt bubbling to the surface as her mother made to speak again.
“Katie, why don’t you take Edwina upstairs, Sweetheart. I’ll join you in a minute.” Mary cut across her mother softly. All eyes flicked to Mary, She could hear her mother tutting, but she didn’t look. She kept her eyes fixed on Kate, whose eyes were wide, her bottom lip caught between her teeth, trying desperately to hold back her tears.
“Mary I’m sor-” her voice cracking in time with Mary’s heart.
“Now please, Katie.” She said softly, begging Kate to understand that she wasn’t in trouble. Kate stayed still for several seconds, then seemed to force herself to move
“Come on, Eddie, we’ll read upstairs. She said, tugging her sister by the hand. Edwina stared at her grandmother, fixing her with, such a hard look for a nine year old.
“Kate’s my sister, Karen.” With a cold edge to her voice that had never been there before. Edwina was usually so soft spoken, but apparently Karen had run aground of even Edwina’s patience. Mary could barely stifle the feeling of pride that swelled alongside the rage in her chest as she watched her daughters go, Kate throwing one last nervous look over her shoulder. And then she was alone in the kitchen with her mother.
“Honestly Mary that girl, I don’t know how you put up with her.” Her mother started, tutting disapprovingly, gesturing dismissively after Kate.
“How dare you?” Mary was surprised by the venom in her own voice, her own hands clenched against the anger burning in her chest.
“How dare I what?” Her mother said, looking around surprised, and Mary supposed, she had let it go in for so long, her Mother had no reason to suppose she would be called on it now. But enough was enough.
“How dare you speak to my child like that?” Her mother scoffed.
“Look at the way she was talking to you Mary! Honestly, the disrespect-”
“She’s a teenage girl, and she’s angry, it’s what they do. You’re a grown woman! You can’t talk to her like that, not ever, but especially not in my house.” Mary’s voice was sharp, her own arms crossed. And still her mother just shook her head dismissively, barely paying attention.
“I tell you what Mary, if she was my granddaughter I’d-” And finally, Mary felt the last thread of her patience, that she’d been clinging too for years, snap.
“Kate is your granddaughter though, Mum! Just as much as Edwina and I have watched you be so casually cruel to her for years! And I should have said something a long time ago, yes. But I’m saying something now.” Mary could feel her heart racing, her breath pulling from her chest roughly. Her mother was staring, open mouthed at her.
“Why can’t you love her?!” The question she’d been wondering for years bubbled out of her angrily. “She was just a child, and she needed love and care, and you pushed her aside, again and again. It’s not fair.”
“Mary, I love Thomas, and Edwina, they’re your family, but Katharine’s not your child, and I feel nothing for her.” Her Mother said bluntly, and maybe if Mary hadn’t known the words were true for years, they would have hurt more. Maybe if she hadn’t been practically vibrating with anger, at her mother’s vehement denial that Kate was her child, she would have been more upset by what she said next.
“Well if that’s how you feel then you aren’t welcome here anymore.” Mary was surprised by how easy it was to say, how little her chest ached, even when her mother said
“Mary, what about Edwina?” Her voice shocked, her eyes wide. Even when she knew she was essentially cutting off her family, she couldn’t bring herself to feel sorry as her mother turned and walked from the kitchen. Through the whole ordeal, the only thing that made her chest ache was when she walked up the stairs, pulling Kate tightly into her arms her face buried in Mary’s neck, even when she struggled a little against it.
“Katie, you know I love you, don’t you? No matter what, you’re my daughter and I love you.”
And nothing hurt more than when Kate mumbled “Well maybe you shouldn’t.” Against her.
2019
“I’m thinking of getting your sister something, and I wanted to gauge your thoughts on it.” Mary said gently through the phone, trying not to jostle the tiny puppy sleeping on her lap.
“Why are you using your I’m not giving you a choice Edwina, voice?” Edwina replied warily, and Mary could see her daughter so clearly in her mind’s eye, her eyes narrowed, suspiciously. Mary sighed.
“Because I just bought your sister a puppy, and I’m assuming he’ll move in with you.” Silence echoed through the phone, the puppy snoring lightly.
“You bought Kate a… puppy?” Edwina said, confusion colouring her voice.
“Well we talked about getting her a congratulations gift.”
Edwina scoffed “Mum! We spoke about getting her theatre tickets, not a dog!”
Mary tutted, “I know that, but I saw the advert, and Eddie, he’s very sweet. And you know it’ll make her so happy!”
Edwina sighed. “It’s a corgi isn’t it?”
“Of course he is.”
Mary had practically burned with pride when Kate had sat nervously at brunch a few weeks ago, nervously fiddled with her cutlery and blurted I got a new job. Umm Bridgerton and Sons, I got offered a job there. In the years since she graduated university Mary had watched Kate slip away after her father. Mary had watched as Kate had stood, stricken, in the doorway of a hospital room, while her own heart ached, Kate’s feet clattering down the corridor seconds later. And Mary had ached to run after her, to pull her daughter tight against her chest while they cried together, but Edwina had been clinging to her, barely able to hold herself up and everything had felt too numb to move anyway. Kate had reentered the room 15 minutes later, her eyes guarded, hollow somehow, and went to work calmly managing everything. And she’d been working hard ever since. Working to be useful. To be helpful, to avoid having to deal with how she felt most likely, but her new job was a sign that things were moving forward for Kate, that she was done treading water. And surely, surely that was something to celebrate. Mary had seen the advert, the little puppy, smiling almost, very confidently, catching her eye and something deep in the recess of her mind had said This is what Katie needs, something to care for. Something just for her. And now she just had to hope she was right.
“How is it working with Anthony Bridgerton? I always thought you two would get along so well.” Edwina said conversationally across the table that Sunday, and Mary watched as Kate’s posture stiffened at the sound of the name. Something close to discomfort flicking over her face for a split second. Mary’s heart sank.
“Oh Kate, Did this week not go well?” She asked watching worriedly as Kate dropped her fork, her eyes wide, darting around the room nervously.
“It was fine. Anthony and I had a... miscommunication at the start of the week.”
Mary’s brow furrowed across the table at her daughter, who was worrying her bottom lip with her teeth, a sure sign that Kate was worried. Whatever happened with Anthony Bridgerton had rattled her, her reaction was certainly something. Mary had never seen Kate quite like it.
“I know that face, Kate, what did you do to him?” Edwina laughed, as Kate rolled her eyes, scoffing, attempting to turn back to her food to end the conversation.
“Nothing that he didn’t deserve, I assure you.” Kate said, dismissively, her lip pouting out, and for a second she looked just like the three year old girl Mary had met all those years ago. Mary sighed,
“I’m sure whatever happened,” She said pointedly at Edwina, warning her to drop the subject. “Was a misunderstanding Kate. And first weeks are never very good, just give it time.” Silence settled over the table as Kate nodded jerkily. Disappearing for a second, where she went to Mary always wondered.
“Mum, I think it’s time!” Edwina said excitedly, moving in her seat, gesturing Mary down the hall. She could hear Kate whispering furiously as she walked upstairs opening the door to her room, and honestly, it was a miracle that the tiny little dog had stayed quiet for so long.
“Time to meet your mummy little one.” She whispered scooping the puppy up and gently placing him in the box. Excitement bubbling in her chest as she walked carefully downstairs. Kate looked up expectantly when she reentered, and Mary could see her mind whirring away as she took in the box placed in front of her, Edwina was brimming with excitement across the table. She’d been apprehensive about the plan at first but as soon as she’d seen him yesterday afternoon she’d sighed and said Well, I suppose my new roommate is very sweet.
“Mary, what’s-?” Kate said questioningly, her brow furrowed in confusion, but Mary cut her off.
“Kate, your sister and I are so, so proud of you, and this new job is such an amazing opportunity for you, and you’re going to be so incredible, and we just wanted to get you a little something to celebrate.” Mary finished, barely able to push back the emotion welling up inside her, as she nodded towards the box. Kate’s eyes were swimming with emotion as she stared down at the box, her voice cracking a little.
“Mary you shouldn’t have-”
Edwina cut across her impatiently.
“Kate, will you please just open the box? There’s kind of a time limit!” She said, and Kate nearly flinched back in surprise. Mary watched a little nervously as Kate’s hand hovered uncertainly on the ribbon, pausing when she heard the puppy moving around. Kate looked up her eyes burning with a question, Edwina nodded that she should go on, and finally she tugged on the edges of the bow, lifting the lid cautiously as it fell, peering inside. And Mary felt her own heart stutter at the look on her daughter’s face.
Almost as soon as Kate had lifted the lid, the tiny yip had echoed through the room, the Puppy scrambling its way free from the box settling himself firmly in Kate’s lap with a satisfied smile on his face. Kate’s eyes shot to Mary’s, a tear slowly sliding down her cheek, shock etched on her features. And Mary felt panic well in her chest. She gave Edwina a questioning look who shrugged helplessly. Mary took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.
“Katie,” Mary said hesitantly, “Is this okay? It’s just we know you’d always wanted one, you used to run around after Mrs. Grantham’s when you were a little girl and-” But Kate had practically leapt from her seat, wrapping her arm tightly around Mary’s chest her face pressed against her neck just like when she was a little girl, Mary felt her heart clench.
“Mary, Thank you.” She whispered, her voice thick with emotion, muffled against her neck “I love it. And I love you.” Mary couldn’t stop the choked sob that escaped her as she pulled Kate tighter. Edwina cleared her throat and her voice was a little choked when she said,
“Well I think I’ll just have to get in on this.” Wrapping her arms around her mother and sister, and the three Sheffield’s stood like that for quite sometime.
Mary was certainly a little less than proud that she’d used Kate’s delighted distraction over her new puppy Newton she’d named him (and Mary was certain that her father’s voice had echoed through Kate’s head just as it had Mary’s when she’d said it. His favourite saying about Isaac Newton causing a familiar ache in her chest), to interrogate Edwina about her strange reaction to Anthony Bridgerton.
“Eddie, honey, tell me what you know about Anthony Bridgerton.” She’d said as casually as she could manage, which was not very, given the look her daughter gave her.
“We’ve met a few times, seemed like a really nice guy. Their Dad died really young and he’s kind of taken it upon himself to be the leader of his family, from what Eloise said.” Edwin said shrugging and Mary felt her chest ache, because, had it not been for the pronoun, that could have easily been a description of her daughter. She’d seen how Kate seemed to think it was her job to shoulder the familial burdens since Thomas’ death. Seen how she’d stood at his funeral, her eyes longing when she looked at him being lowered into the ground. Seen the marks on the palms of her hands where her nails had cut her skin as she’d held her sister and refused to let herself cry. And it had broken her heart then as much as it did now.
“Eloise and I honestly thought they’d be perfect for each other. I know he has kind of a reputation but, whenever I’ve met him he’s been nothing but polite. And he loves him family.” Edwina finished with a shrug, her eyes darting back to Kate who had Newton pressed nose to nose with herself now, cooing happily at him. Mary felt her heart clench, Kate hadn’t looked this happy in such a long time.
“Hmmm, perhaps they just got off to a bad start. Awkward first impressions and all that.” Mary said lightly, thinking of the way Kate’s eyes had darted around the room nervously, unsettled.
“Kate does have a tendency to deny her feelings, until they come pouring out like a tap.” Edwina sighed resignedly. And Mary could only hope, that if her inkling was correct, Kate wouldn’t deny herself this as well.
2020
“Mrs. Mary Sheffield?” An unfamiliar voice said through the phone, cool and detached and Mary felt her stomach drop. “I’m calling from the Accident and Emergency department at Queen Charlotte’s hospital I’m afraid we have Edwina Sheffield here. She was involved in a car accident a short while ago…”
Mary barely heard the rest. Anxiety was clawing at her chest, tears at her eyes, terror filling her body. Emotions she hadn’t felt so strongly since her husband had collapsed in the bedroom, clutching his chest in pain. Her breath was coming in harsh gasps as her hand fumbled with her phone, maybe it was selfish to put this on someone else as well, to seek comfort from the other person who would be just as devastated as she was. Her heart was in her throat as she waited for the phone to connect, dreading the moment as much as she sought it. The moment when she’d have to ruin Kate’s life again. The phone connected and Mary forced herself to speak, her chest aching.
“Katie, something’s happened and I need you to come-” Mary heard her own voice choke off before Kate could even get out a greeting. And instead of her daughter’s soft voice, a deep masculine voice rang out.
“Mrs. Sheffield, it’s Anthony Bridgerton.” Her breath shuddered oddly. Anthony Bridgerton had Kate’s phone. The Anthony Bridgerton Kate had denied being in a relationship with yesterday? It was nearly 10pm, were they together?
“Anthony Bridgerton I don’t- is Kate there?” Confusion leaking in through her emotion.
“Mrs. Sheffield is everything alright? Kate’s left her phone.” Anthony cut in, his voice soothing. Left her phone, Left her phone where? Mary couldn’t help but wonder despite the terror filling her.
“Edwina’s been in an accident. I’m on the way to the hospital I just need Kate to-” Mary managed to stutter out finally, frozen in the kitchen as everything seemed to swirl around her. Nothing was making sense, Edwina was in hospital, Anthony Bridgerton was answering Kate’s phone. She could hear movement on the other end of the phone.
“Where is she being taken?” Anthony was asking gently, waiting for her response. And then once it was given “Do you need me to collect you?” Gentle, quiet, soft concern colouring his voice.
“N-No, I can drive.” Mary stuttered out.
“Mrs. Sheffield, Kate will be right there.” And then he was gone, leaving Mary nodding at the phone in her hand stupidly.
Everything’s going to be fine Mary told herself as she moved through the house, grabbing her things, she just had to get to the hospital and wait, and everything would be fine. Her hands shaking as she made her way into the car. Her legs shaking as she walked into the emergency room. Her body numb as a doctor who looked barely older than Edwina herself told her, that she had been taken into surgery. Words like blunt force trauma, internal bleeding, internal fixation echoing through the waiting room, doing nothing to quell the panic in her chest. The memory of the last time she’d been in a hospital, leaving as a widow, clutching her daughters to her chest, as she tried not to fall apart. Please god no, please not Edwina Mary thought desperately, begging to whatever higher power might be listening, if one was at all. Something deep inside her knew, that whatever happiness they’d jumbled back together, the way Kate’s face lit up, looking even more beautiful than she already was, that had already become rarer and rarer, would disappear forever.
“Kate!” Mary called out as she saw her daughter walk through the door, her face stricken, tears in her eyes, Mary wrapped her arms tightly around her Kate pulling her even tighter, comfort sweeping between them.
“What happened Mary?” Kate said softly her voice emotionless, Mary felt tears prick at her eyes, threatening to join the ones that had already fallen.
“She was coming home from a photoshoot and something happened with the car, it veered off and hit a tree. The doctors have taken her into surgery already, they’ll let us know when there’s news. What are we going to do if we lose her as well Kate?” She heard her voice wavering, tears clouding her vision as she took Kate’s hand. Her worst fear falling from her lips before she could stop it.
“We’re not going to.” Kate said her firm, her eyes burning into Mary’s, trying to force her to feel it. Mary took a slight step backwards, her eyes assessing Kate, and she felt herself startle a little. She hadn’t even noticed the man, tucked against Kate’s side, their fingers intertwined. Anthony Bridgerton was strikingly handsome in person, his posture tall and proud, he had his eyes trained on the side of Kate’s face, and the look there, was nothing short of breathtaking.
“Oh my!” Mary whispered, unable to stop herself. Anthony’s eyes flicked to her, his gentle gaze landing on her softly. Anthony stepped forward and held out his hand which Mary shook lightly, something like confusion still nagging at her. Trying to get the pieces to fit, conflicting emotions warring away.
“I’m Anthony Bridgerton.” He said in his deep, calm voice. Mary noticed Kate’s eyes fixed on the side of his face, transfixed really. Hardly the adamant dislike Kate had spoken of the day before. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Sheffield, I only wish it were under better circumstances.”
Mary was hardly listening to his odd, formal, introduction, curiously staring down at their linked hands, Anthony’s thumb making slow circles on the back of Kate’s hand. A subconscious show of comfort. Thomas had done it all the time when he’d been alive, the thought made Mary’s heart clench.
“Forgive the intrusion ma’am but I felt I needed to make sure Kate arrived safely.” Anthony finished, the poor man swallowing awkwardly, unnerved by Mary’s silence, his eyes flicking to Kate every few seconds.
“Please, Anthony, call me Mary. All friends of my daughters do.” Mary smiled, watching as Anthony smiled, not reacting to her emphasis on the word. Kate shifted uncomfortably shooting Mary an exasperated look as if to say Really Mary, Now?!
“Now that we’ve found you, I shouldn’t intrude any longer. Can I get either of you anything before I go?” Mary was sure Anthony’s words were meant for her, but his eyes were locked with her daughter’s, Kate’s eyes widening in surprise, panic written across her face, her fingers tightening on Anthony’s.
“Can you stay?!” The words seemed to wrench from her body, as though they surprised her as much as they did Anthony. Anthony was watching Kate closely, his eyebrows raised, something like awe on his face. Mary felt her own breath catch on her chest.
Kate seemed to shut her eyes for a second, steeling herself.
“Please? I mean, if you can?” nerves rankling through her voice.
“Of course Kate. As long as you want me too.” Anthony replied softly, his eyes still locked on Kate’s, tension building between them. And Mary watched, the slow smile spread over her daughter’s face, and oddly, it seemed that relief flooded through them both.
Mary wasn’t proud of the way she’d been watching Anthony Bridgerton closely since they’d settled in the hard waiting room chairs, hours ago now. His hand had been held tightly by Kate’s the entire time, his left in her right, locked together, tugged into Kate’s lap to rest there. The only time it’d had been dropped, Kate had disappeared to the bathroom, letting his hand drop, staring at it reluctantly before doing so. Mary had watched carefully as Anthony had smiled softly after her before standing abruptly turning to her, shifting a little awkwardly,
“How do you take your tea, Mrs. Sheffield?” His eyes on her intently, his voice so gentle, looking so rumpled in his perfectly tailored suit, the jacket had disappeared draped over Kate’s shoulders.
“Black, no sugar.” She stuttered awkwardly, barely knowing what to make of this intense man who anyone could see was hopelessly in love with Kate. He had smiled, returning minutes later, his hands filled with drinks and vending machine sandwiches, settling himself beside Kate, who’d returned her eyes darting around looking for him. Please, eat something Kate. He’d pleaded softly when Kate had mumbled that she wasn’t hungry, their eyes locked together, their hands intertwined once more, tension stretching between them before Kate had taken the sandwich from him and Mary had had the oddest feeling that she could disappear completely and no one would notice.
In the year since Kate had started working for Bridgerton and Sons, she’s heard Kate rant and complain about Anthony Bridgerton countless times. How he was arrogant, and infuriating, and practically lived to annoy her. And Mary was aware of his reputation, always seen out with a different woman, charming, and roguish, and a little reckless, that’s what everyone said. And yet the man in front of her now, couldn’t be more different. He was gentle, kind, calmly soothing her daughter, the both of them really, watching her with such a soft expression on his face. It was difficult to reconcile. Mary had seen the pictures printed on Sunday morning and her heart had stopped. The way Anthony had been staring intently into Kate’s eyes, chest to chest, had been nearly mesmerising, and even as Kate had vehemently denied that there was anything between them, her eyes had shifted embarrassedly, uncomfortably. And Mary had known, known, that there was more too it. She had watched Kate’s brief relationships before, and honestly, her chest had ached for her daughter. She’d watched as the men in her life, had barely appreciated her, certainly hadn’t see her for the beautiful, kind, strong woman that she was. Several of them had even had the audacity to keep their eyes firmly fixed on her sister, which had made Mary’s heart ache even more. She knew the way Kate saw herself, as less than Edwina, as less deserving, less intelligent, less beautiful. And it couldn’t be further from the truth. Sweetheart, you deserve so much more. Mary had whispered in Kate’s ear every time she’d despondently say that she’d broken up with someone, and it hurt Mary, perhaps even more than Kate when her humourless laugh would ring out, her eyes shining with tears Mary, we both know that’s not true.
Mary could see them now, settled on the sofa, across Edwina’s bed, Kate had fallen asleep shortly after they’d been shown into the hospital room, relief washing through all of them, her head falling lightly against Anthony’s shoulder. Mary watched as Kate shifted in her sleep a little, her hand still grasping his, pulling his arm closer a gentle sleepy sound rising in her chest. Anthony’s head, that had been resting against Kate’s as he scrolled through his phone, shot up, his eyes assessing her gently as she settled further against his neck, a soft smile coming to his face as he gently brushed her hair from her face. And Mary’s stomach clenched, Anthony’s emotions written all over his face. She cleared her throat. Anthony’s head shooting towards her, his eyes full of concern.
“Can I get you something Mrs. Sheffield? I’d be happy to-” He said, speaking softly so as not to wake Kate, though making no attempt to extricate himself from her.
May I speak frankly with you, Anthony?” She cut him off, watching him closely, sternly almost. Anthony had nodded clearly a little surprised.
“May I ask what your relationship with my daughter is? Kate has been a little… quiet on the topic.” Anthony shifted a little uncomfortably.
“Kate and I aren’t in a relationship, Mrs. Sheffield. I hope we’re friends, but at this point I just want to make sure she’s alright.” He said, earnestly. Mary felt herself nod, a little disappointed. But apparently Anthony wasn’t done. “I would very much like to date your daughter, I think she’s incredible.” He said, his voice soft, earnest, his eyes wide as he looked down at Kate, sleeping soundly on his shoulder. Mary felt tears sting at her eyes. She cleared her throat, swallowing the lump that had formed there.
“I know that Kate seems very independent, and very strong and resilient, and she is. She’s possibly the strongest person I know and I’m very proud of her, but she feels things so deeply Anthony. Not that she’ll let anyone see. Do you Understand?” She said firmly, her eyes fixed on his, warning him, Silence building between them as Anthony nodded, clearing his own throat, his eye contact steady.
“Mrs. Sheffield, my intentions towards your daughter are entirely honourable, If she’ll let me of course. She’s an independent woman and I respect her right to say no.” He finished, smiling nervously. And honestly, it was all Mary could do not to reach across the bed and pull him into a firm hug. Finally she thought Finally someone who sees her.
“I didn’t think I was wrong about you.” Anthony’s eyes widened in surprise. “And what did I say about calling me Mrs. Sheffield?”
2022
“Well, it’s pretty much here, Katie’s getting married on Saturday.” Mary said gently, kneeling beside the the gravestone
Thomas Sheffield
24th November 1963-11th May 2013
Ignoring the ache in her chest that coming here always brought. Even if she felt a kind of peace in it. In coming here, leaving flowers, talking about their girls like they used to every night. Tangled together, whispering about how Kate seemed so unsure of herself, and Edwina so kind people were sure to take advantage of her. It almost felt as though, if she came here, if she told him what was happening, if she told him about how Kate pulled away from her, how Edwina was dating men who didn’t appreciate her for anything other than how beautiful she was, he would tell her what to do. And oddly, it felt like he did.
“Edwina and I are going to Kent tomorrow, Kate’s leaving this afternoon, and Tom I wish you could see how happy she is.” Mary said, taking a deep breath, tears stinging at her eyes.
The change in Kate these last years had been almost unimaginable. She had always been prone to laughter, her eyes shining brightly, her laugh ringing through the room, and when she’d been a little girl their house had echoed with it. But slowly, slowly, it had disappeared, when she’d become a self conscious teenager, she’d seemed to cave in on herself, anxiety suddenly rocking her body, and it had made Mary ache for her. But Kate had slowly returned to them, her confidence returning as she grew into herself, as she learned more about herself, but she’d disappeared again when Thomas had died, sharply, even less of herself remaining than before and it was worse again. And maybe, Kate had been returning to them anyway, but almost as soon as she’d tugged Anthony into her living room with a shy smile on her face, happiness radiating from her when she said Mary, you remember Anthony? My boyfriend Kate had been back. Kate whose entire being seemed to radiate joy and confidence with Anthony’s gentle support, always right there, right behind her, loving Kate desperately. And if for no other reason than the way he loved her daughter, Mary couldn’t help but love Anthony Bridgerton.
“You would love Anthony, Tom. Even though I know you would have given him a hard time, at first.” Mary said chuckling despite herself, as she remembered the way Thomas had sat scowling the entire time Kate had brought her first boyfriend home from University. Ranting away after they left Mary did you not see the way he was looking at her?! And at Edwina! I hate him! Mary had sighed, though she hadn’t cared much for the boy herself and said An eighteen year old? Really?
“He loves her so much, it’s a little hard not too. She laughs all the time now, and she smiles so brightly. She’s so confident, and self assured now it’s a little breathtaking Tom.” Mary said lightly, forcing herself to continue.
“I wish you could see it. I know how much you wanted to walk the girls down the aisle, Anthony’s youngest brother Gregory is going to do it, and he’s taking it very seriously. Bless him, he’s only 22 and he loves Kate nearly as much as Anthony does I think. He’d do very nicely for Edwina if only he wasn’t a little hopelessly in love with his girlfriend, Lucy, Katie’s assistant, I think I’ve spoken about her before. She’s a bridesmaid. Very nice girl, but I’m a little terrified of her.” Mary was rambling now, holding the conversation with herself.
“I wish you were here and I know Kate does too. And I know that I raised her, but I’m not her mother, and I wish she had one of you here. Rather than just me. I’m trying my best, Thomas. I just hope it’s good enough. I just can’t help but feel that she’s missing out on so much.”
And Mary hated how much the words hurt her to say. The kind of truth that only slips out when there’s no one to hear. It had nagged in the back of her mind, ever since her mother had called, months ago now. I hear my granddaughter’s getting married to Anthony Bridgerton. She’d said, her voice needling at Mary, who hadn’t heard it in years. It had grated, there Mum, you’ve made it very clear that Kate’s not your granddaughter, I won’t allow you to use her to social climb now. And just as she’d hung up the phone, her mother had said Still playing Mother of the bride, hey? And the words had been echoing through her mind ever since. Even after Kate had held her tight and told her that she couldn’t feel anymore her daughter, and Mary had wanted nothing more than to hold this smart, strong, beautiful woman who would always be a tiny girl in her eyes, and never let go again.
“You’d be so proud of the girls, I know you would.” She finished, standing, smiling sadly. “I’ll come back and tell you all about it. Who embarrassed themselves on the dance floor, what the cake was like, all the gory details, I promise.” Taking a deep breath as she turned away, “We all love you, Tom.”
And then two days later Mary watched, through tears in her eyes as her daughter, the tiny girl who had held her face against Mary’s neck and whispered all her secrets in the space of 15 minutes, became someone’s wife. Grinning brightly, her eyes shining with love for the handsome man who had swept into her life and forced her to see the person she really was. And Mary had never felt more Kate’s mother.
2030
“Anthony! Has Katie had the baby?! Are you ready for visitors?” Mary said excitedly, when her son in law’s name flashed across the screen of her phone, desperate to see another of her tiny grandchildren. Perhaps it was bias, but her daughters did seem to have the most beautiful children.
“Umm Mary,” Anthony’s voice was choked, the words seemingly forced from him emotion clawing at him. “Umm she’s had the baby but ahh Kate...” his voice cutting off in a choked sob, and for the third time in her life, a terror like no other, climbs in Mary’s chest. Clawing at her, desperately as she listens to her son in law, usually so stoic, cry on the other end of the phone.
“I’m coming down there Anthony, just wait for me there alright? Where are the others?” She heard herself say, her voice coming out much stronger than she felt, than she was, than she would be if Kate...
“They’re Umm they’re with Eloise. She was there when Kate went into labour.” He gasped out. And Mary felt herself relax ever so slightly, at least Kate’s other children had no idea, hopefully would never have to.
“I’m coming right now Anthony, okay? Katie’s going to be fine.” The door closed behind her seconds later, and though Mary could feel panic gripping her, she’d never been more sure of anything.
“My daughter, Kate Bridgerton, she just had a baby, what room is she in?” Mary said, a little frantically to the station nurse who looked at her a little sadly.
“Her husband is in 307. There should be an update soon.”
Mary nodded as she walked in the direction the nurse was gesturing, nerves rising in her chest, worried what she would find as she entered through the door. And the sight that waited for her there, was enough to break her heart. Anthony was sitting in the sofa in the corner, clutching a tiny bundle to his chest, his shoulders shaking with quiet sobs, tears streaming down his face, his breath coming in harsh gasps and in that moment she knew what she had to do. His eyes shot to hers, startling slightly, furiously wiping at his face.
“I’m sorry Mary, I don’t know what to do, I think she might-” His voice, thick with emotion choked off, another sob wracking his body, And Mary’s heart clenched, tears swimming in her eyes as she knelt beside him. Forcing herself to be strong.
“You listen to me Anthony Bridgerton, my daughter is not going to die. She is going to leave this hospital and go home and raise those beautiful children you’ve given her. Do you understand?” Anthony’s mouth fell open, nodding slowly, taking a deep breath, his shoulders squaring a little, not jostling the tiny bundle in his arms.
“For now though, I think it would be alright if we have a little cry.” She finished, wrapping her arms tightly around him, settling herself beside her son in law and grandchild. Rubbing soothing circles on his back, calm strong, much more so than she felt, shouldering the role he had taken all those years ago, when she and Kate had been nearly inconsolable. When another one of her daughter’s had been in surgery.
“Everything was fine, and then there was so much blood, Mary, and she screamed, and then her eyes rolled back and I don’t... I was just... holding the baby.” Anthony mumbled, his voice breaking, and Mary’s heart ached at the description. Kate had struggled through the entire pregnancy, grumbling about her aching back, and her sore feet and God, I’m nearly 40! I could kill that man! Kate had growled gesturing irritatedly at her husband, who couldn’t have been more thrilled, her face softening immediately when she saw their children. For this to happen seemed too cruel. Kate had had three happy, healthy, perfect pregnancies, and for anything to have happened seemed so surreal.
“She’s going to be fine, Anthony. I know she is.” Mary said firmly, hoping to convince herself as much as her son in law. Anthony’s breath shuddered, his hand raking through his hair, pushing it from his eyes, just the way Edmund did when he was nervous.
“I don’t know how to do this without her, Mary. I love Kate, and I love our kids but without her I don’t even know who I am anymore.” His voice was lost, as he stared down at the tiny baby in his arms. Mary’s chest ached as she looked down at the tiny baby, Kate’s eyes staring back at her, her cheekbones their, right next to Anthony’s nose. A perfect mix of the two of them, in a way that none of their other children were. Edmund and Miles were so similar to Anthony, Perfect little copies almost and Mary knew it made Kate so proud so happy to see it there. And Charlotte was exactly how Mary remembered Kate as a child, absolutely no sign of her father on her features. Mary often got a little jolt whenever Charlotte tore into the room, whenever she met new people and said My name is Charlotte Bridgerton, but you can call me Charli if you like. But this one was clearly destined to be a little of both of them.
“You are such a beautiful father Anthony.” Mary said gently, and it was true, unequivocally. Anthony Bridgerton had such an intimidating reputation, and Mary could see why. He was tall, and successful, and handsome, and he was certainly capable of a scowl that would have made most people shrink in on themselves. But it was very difficult to see that man when you’d seen him with his children hanging off him, laughing wildly, his daughter tying little ribbons in his hair as he smiled and his entire face lit up as though he couldn’t quite believe how lucky he was. Kate always close by, nurturing her family gently, her smile almost blinding.
Anthony huffed, “It’s all Kate, she’s amazing.”
Mary hummed. Another truth. Kate had always been a warm, caring person, ever since she was a tiny child, but Kate as a mother was truly something else. She was patient and warm and had seemingly endless amounts of time and adoration for her children, so happy, so proud. The thought of her never seeing this tiny baby in her husband’s arms was almost unfathomable.
“It’s a girl.” Anthony said gently, staring down at his baby. Another girl, so beautiful already. Mary’s heart fluttered with happiness despite herself, despite everything that had happened today.
“She’s beautiful Anthony. I might be a little biased, but you two really do make beautiful children.” Mary said, reaching her hand out, smoothing over the quiet baby’s brow, her eyes looking back at Mary curiously. Anthony let out a surprised chuckle.
“Well, look at your daughter. As if anything else was possible.” He huffed, his eyes shine down at his daughter, filled with awe.
“What are you going to call her?” Mary asked gently, curiosity getting the better of her. Anthony startled slightly, his eyes flicking to Mary as though he’d just realised what was necessary.
“I haven’t even thought about it. It’s my turn to pick, I guessed it was another girl.” He said gently staring down at his daughter again. The tiny baby with a serious frown already on her face, determined under her shock of dark hair.
“This one’s Mary.” Anthony said suddenly, looking up at her, and Mary’s heart stopped, tears welling in her eyes, as her son in law watched her closely. “Smart and kind and strong. The woman who raised the most incredible woman I know. And I want my daughter to be just like her.” His voice so gentle, so sure, and Mary’s heart ached, absolutely speechless.
“Anthony, that’s beautiful, Thank you.” Mary finally choked out, wiping at her tears, the emotion of the day, finally getting the better of herself.
And when, hours later Kate awoke, miraculously recovering, her eyes looking around a little desperately for Anthony and her new baby, and Anthony held her out his eyes soft, and so relieved, so in love when he said
“Katie, This is Mary Lucy Bridgerton.” And a wide smile stretched over her face when she looked down at the baby, Kate’s eyes meeting Mary’s, shining with love when she replied
“She’s perfect. And so is her name.” Mary doesn’t mind admitting that she cried for the rest of the afternoon.
2031
“Kaaate!” Anthony’s screamed through the house, startling Mary a little. Kate rolled her eyes, carrying on her conversation, shifting little Mary just slightly on her hip.
“Sophie’s having another baby, so is Frankie, this city is going to be overrun with little Bridgertons before long.” Kate sighed, as Edwina laughed shifting newborn Jeremy slightly in her arms.
“Well if your little Hellions keep leading my daughter astray I think Matt’s going to have a heart attack.” Edwina said gesturing at her husband across the room, trying desperately to referee some sort of card game between Edmund, Miles and his daughter, Sarah. Miles stood, gesturing wildly.
“Muuuum!” He yelled sprinting across the room, his glasses shining. “Edmund’s cheating and Uncle Goose, told me to tell you about it.” Kate looked exasperatedly back at Matthew who grinned sheepishly. Mary felt an odd wave of affection for her gentle son in law, too kind to even reprimand his nephews.
“Edmund Anthony Bridgerton, if you keep cheating, you won’t be having any of the cake Grandma Mary brought.” Kate said sternly, turning towards her son, fixing him with a glare that even gave Mary pause. Edmund’s mouth fell open indignantly, frowning just like his father.
“Mum! Milo was the one cheating!” He whined, his lip pouting adorably.
“That’s it, no cake for either of you!” Kate said exasperatedly, shaking her head ignoring Anthony’s even more urgent KATE! From upstairs.
Miles whined “Mummy! But it looks so good!”
“Well you should have thought about that boys. Now go and apologise to Uncle Goose.” Kate said shooing her son back to his brother and uncle, who was carrying Sarah on his shoulders now. Miles sighed adjusting his glasses, and he just looked so adorable, one of his front teeth missing, that Mary couldn’t help herself.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll sneak you a piece.” Mary said in a faux whisper, Miles grinned brightly up at her, hugging her legs very quickly, then his mother’s before darting off back to his brother, whooping loudly.
Kate sighed “Do you remember how stern she used to be with us?!” Kate said to Edwina exasperatedly “I’m not cooking more than one meal, eat your zucchini Katie.” She said in an exasperated impression of Mary’s admonishment. Edwina laughed.
“Edwina Sheffield, if you jump on that sofa one more time You’re going to be very sorry!” Edwina joined in, “Last week, I caught her videoing Sarah do that!”
Kate tutted, a smirk on her face “Honestly, Mary. You’ve gone soft.”
“That’s a grandmother’s prerogative Kate. It’s what we do, and really it’s your fault, if you hadn’t had such adorable children, I wouldn’t-” Mary started, primly unable to keep the smile off her face only to be cut off by her son in law marching into the room.
“Kate! I’ve been calling for you!” Anthony said irritatedly, and the sight he made, made all three of them burst out laughing.
Anthony was standing, clutching Charlotte to his chest, an irritated frown on his face. Charlotte was grinning proudly, her little arms and legs absolutely covered in brightly coloured felt tip marker.
“Charli, Honey, you’ve been busy this morning.” Kate said, barely able to hold in her laughter as her daughter wriggled from her father’s arms, standing in front of her mother looking at her arms proudly.
“Yes, I look like Uncle Gareth now! Can I give Marjorie one?” She questioned lightly, cheeky grin in place as she used the nickname for her sister she refused to believe was not her name. Anthony huffed. Kate and Edwina refusing to make eye contact to prevent themselves laughing again.
“Charli, sweetheart, why don’t you give me one?” Mary felt herself say, her heart leaping when her granddaughter grinned up at her so much like Kate, had been tugging her over to the sofa, chattering excitedly.
And as Mary sat there, in the chaos of Kate’s living room, she couldn’t help but be thankful that she’d never listened to her mother all those years ago.