Work Text:
Part I: Longing (Reid)
The feeling creeps up on you— you want to hold his hand.
You want to lace your fingers through his and squeeze.
You know you dislike physical contact. It makes your skin itch and you heat in shame because you feel like you’re not doing it right...this whole connection and touching thing (People-ing as Garcia likes to say.)
You find your gaze lingering on his hand swaying back and forth as he walks slightly ahead of you. It would be just as simple to reach out and let your fingers brush—your hand enveloping his.
His hands that tear down walls and builds them up stronger than before. Hands that will restrain a criminal in a heartbeat or hold a gun but will caress Garcia’s hair in reassurance or hug a kid who’s in shock.
You know he wouldn’t mind—tilting his head as he skims your face...slow easy smile as he reaches out-gently taking your hand in his, warmth radiating from where skin meets skin.
And he’ll rub the rough pad of his thumb against your wrist and your heart will clench in bursts to remind you that you are alive,
you are human,
you deserve this—
to be thought of;
to have connection.
And he’ll give you a little squeeze and a bump of the shoulder as if to ask “this ok?”
And you’ll nod because of course it’s okay.
You’d never verbally acknowledge that this is what you want...the craving bubbling up from your gut and into throat; stronger than you ever thought possible.
And you’ll look down at the contrast of your skin against his and marvel at the sight...what a beautiful sight it is. And your mind will still for a little while—a sweet calm that you only get when you’re in his presence. And you’re thankful all the same.
And all you’d have to do is ask. But you won’t because you don’t know how.
“Hey Pretty Boy- you still with me?” Morgan turns and asks... jerking you out of your thoughts.
You shake your head...trying to clear the longing that’s settled within you.
You just want to hold his hand.
///
Part II: Desire (Morgan)
He’s really not going to ask.
You’d laugh but it’s really not funny...the way you catch him out the corner of your eye staring at the place you just occupied like time and space itself has affronted his honor.
You‘ll find him staring at your hand...his mind light years away as it rests on a tabletop or curls around a coffee mug. His hand clenching and relaxing as he fidgets with whatever’s near by... a pen, scrap paper, his clothing.
You see him step forward, reaching out and then drawing back at the last second— stiff with self doubt as he tries to play off the aborted action.
You feel him at your back and are pretty sure he’s imagining what it be like to give in and hug you from behind...resting his pointy chin on your shoulder...
You wish he knew it was okay.
And you get it. You really do.
Outside looking in you’re this jock-type, masculine man and he’s... not.
He didn’t grow up with a lot hugs and positive touch. People that look like you were a source of pain for him; hands that dealt punches and bruises.
And frankly touching people weirds Reid out; you know this. It took a lot for him to get used to your casual arm around the shoulder and hair ruffles...but you both got there eventually.
He’s not used to asking for what he wants. But you wish he knew you could never deny him.
You wish he knew that he deserves all the hand holds and cuddles that you know he wants. And god damn it—you’d be proud to be the one that does it because he deserves the very best.
And you have a very strong feeling that his body would fit perfectly against yours if given the chance to spoon— and you hate to admit that your stomach swoops at the idea.
But you know him and he really isn’t going to ask... so you’re going to have to make him understand— it’s okay.
///
Part III: (Acceptance)
A tiny bubble of frustration pops inside Derek as he watches Spencer fiddle with the empty coffee cup... fingers clenching and relaxing.
The coffee shop is bustling, lunch rush in full swing. There’s the clatter of dishes and the whir of grinders; Derek and Spencer sit tucked away in a corner booth, not ready to head back to the office just yet.
He knows Spencer’s mind is going a mile a minute; but he won’t ask Derek for what he wants. And it’s driving Derek up the wall.
It’s not like he’d bite the kid’s head off; his heart breaks at the idea that Spencer would even think that way.
“Hey...Reid?” Derek reaches out to still Spencer’s hand; placing his on top of Reid’s.
Spencer jumps at the unexpected touch... Derek looks up to find Spencer staring back at him— eyes glassy and wide as Spencer lets out a breath Derek didn’t even know he was holding.
Derek runs his finger over the Spencer’s knobby knuckles; and his stomach flutters at the color that rushes to Spencer’s cheeks as his hand trembles beneath Derek’s.
“ You want another cup?” Derek makes sure to hold Spencer’s eye as he lifts a finger to gesture to the empty cups between them.
Spencer blinks; staring at their hands and back to Derek.
“ Reid... I asked if you wanted another cup of coffee?” Derek says slowly, fighting the urge to smirk.
Since when has the kid ever been speechless... or not immediately respond to seconds for coffee?
“You know it’s okay,right?” Derek gently turns Spencer’s hand palm up, running the pad of his thumb along the creases he finds.
Spencer clears his throat, shifting in his seat.
“It’s not...” Spencer’s voice squeaks out as he tries to figure out what he’s going for.
Normal?
Socially acceptable?
But he wants it. He really does. Something warm unfurls inside— spreading from the contact of their hands.
“It’s okay to ask, I don’t mind.” Derek says as he laces their fingers together.
He can feel Spencer slowly relax into the touch. Derek gives him a soft smile.
There’s so much Derek wants to say but he’s scared too much too fast will spook the kid...so he holds back for now.
Spencer squeezes a little tighter still, returning Derek’s smile with a small shy one of his own. He nods.
“It’s okay...” He disengages their hold; Derek makes a noise of dissent.
“Derek...” Spencer let’s out a nervous breath,as he resolves to meet Derek’s eye.
“Yeah?”
“ Can I... hold your hand?” Spencer looks a bit lost; the color stubborn on his cheeks spreading to his ears as well.
“Of course Kid, I thought you’d never ask.”