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Ritsu can feel the barrier he put up starting to thin as he runs faster. The crunching beneath his feet and deep gasps for breath are the only sounds he hears, the only thing he can be sure of. His feet guide him where he has to be, too dark to rely on the shadows casting from the flickering lamp posts. Looking back would be pointless, but Ritsu does it anyways, out of instinct or desire to know what is chasing him, seeing but a dark blur weaving it’s way around.
It was hopeless. Ritsu was saying his blessings, cursing his own foolishness for thinking it would be a good idea to hunt for spirits himself. After the incidents at the Claw headquarters and his own powers awakening, Ritsu figured it would be good to try learning to control his powers more, especially figure out how to excorsize spirits. With Mob out of the house, Ritsu was able to easily sneak out in search of some ghosts to practice with.
Which explains why he is currently being chased by an unknown evil spirit.
He didn’t want to bother his brother, still unsure of the powers that he has. Ritsu was even scared of his own powers at time, the sudden rush of power swirling inside that begs to come out, resulting in broken objects or damaged walls. While it doesn’t happen often, the lack of control Ritsu has over his powers is enough to push him to look for solutions that do not involve talking to his brother. Making Mob worry about him is the last thing Ritsu wants to do.
The last shred of barrier he put up on him is gone, only small traces of power left inside, instead replaced with fear and the need to escape. He has gotten out of direr situations than this, but the options left for him is looking bleak. Without powers left, there is little to be done other than just to keep running, hoping to lose the spirit or make it back somewhere safe. While looking over his shoulder, thinking of other options, he hears two voices talking off to his left. Without thinking, he immediately turns towards the voices, only quickly mulling over the fact that civilians will be of no help.
In the distance, he can see the two voices, the lights a lot steadier than where he was before. They were facing away from Ritsu, wearing outrageously bright clothes. As Ritsu got closer, he could make out the patterns on the one person’s shirt, looking very similar to what Mob wore when he went out earlier. In fact, the person did look very much like his brother. The realization came too late, as both his brother and the person he was with turn sharply to look at him. While Ritsu is feeling relief at finding other espers, the dread of explain to his brother why he was out grows in his stomach.
The sudden change in atmosphere is evident when Mob excorsizes the spirit chasing him, Ritsu falling to his knees, clutching at the ground trying to catch his breath. He could feel his brother’s hands gently touch his shoulders, rubbing slightly and hear him speak over the loud beating in his ears. After taking a few deep breaths, Ristu looks up to see Mob next to him, concern written over his face. Hanazawa-kun stood in front of them both, arms crossed and looking a bit surprised, and perhaps a bit annoyed?
“Ritsu, are you okay? What happened?” Mob says.
“I’m okay, brother, I was just out for a walk when I encountered a spirit,” Ritsu says, lie rolling off his tongue. Ritsu hopes that it was convincing enough as Mob stares into his eyes, eyebrows crinkling slightly.
“Ritsu,” Mob started, “why didn’t you tell me you needed help with your powers?” Ritsu makes to stand, brushing his brother’s hand off easily. He looks away, walking a few steps away from his brother, agitated. It’s no fair, not fair at all how easily Mob can read him now.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about brother,” he says.
“Ritsu…” Mob says gently. They don’t exchange any more words, Ritsu firmly in his place. His plans to not tell his brother are still strictly in place, regardless of what his brother is seeing. “Ritsu,” his brother says again, much closer than before, “let me help you like you help me?” Ritsu grits his teeth. “Please tell me what’s wrong Ritsu,” Mob almost whispers in his ear.
“Kageyama-kun, I don’t think those spirits were alone,” Ritsu hears Hanazawa say. Him and Mob both turn towards Hanazawa, seeing him point in the general direction that Ritsu came from. Dark shapes were taking form in the distance, Ritsu taking a staggering step back, earlier rush of adrenaline coming back full force. Looking at his brother, what looked back was a relaxed stance, face unreadable. In a swift swipe of his arm, the forms were gone, traces of blue shimmer the only thing showing Ritsu that he did not just imagine those spirits. He stares at the spot, watching the shimmer slowly fade away. Mob turns to look at him but Ritsu doesn’t acknowledge him, instead favoring looking at his hands. Ritsu could feel Mob’s eyes on him, his stares making Ritsu feel like he is under a microscope, a specimen to examine, to experiment with. These strange powers were certainly worthy of some kind of examination.
He looks up to see Hanazawa and Mob talking under the light pole, Mob looking down at the grass by his feet, Hanazawa’s hand on Mob’s shoulder. “Just give him some space, maybe he’ll get the hang of it?” Mob looks up and over to where Ritsu was. A wistful expression is on his face as he looks at Ritsu, just staring. Eventually, the gaze becomes too personal for Ritsu, as he turns to leave, for once unsure if he wants Mob to follow after him or not. Mob doesn’t come after him.
--
The off-white and plainly decorated door is staring back at Ritsu, daring him to knock. This scene often plays out whenever Ritsu wants to check in on Mob, make sure he isn’t too stressed. Ritsu has to gather his strength before knocking, possible scenarios quickly running through his head, no matter how unlikely they are to happen. It’s not that Ritsu believes his brother is evil, by no means. Time and time again, his brother shows only kindness and sympathy for people, and to Ritsu.
But, he still wonders about what exactly that thing was when they were younger.
It’s already starting to get brighter from the rising sun, but the pure black from his dreams seems to still have a hold of his vision. All he could see is his own bloodied hands, a dark, twisted version of his esper powers lazily circling around him and lashing out at those who come too close.
The door opens, a half-asleep Mob staring at Ritsu, rubbing his hands on his face, attempting to stay awake. Ritsu didn’t even know when he started to knock on the door, but his hand is in a fist and up where the door previously was. Mob doesn’t say anything to Ritsu, instead just watching him. Whatever Ritsu was about to say dies in his throat, his mental filter kicking in, but he has come too far to just turn around, to make up an excuse and continue to run away, the darkness he felt in his dream enough to push him to speak.
“Brother can I…can I come in?” he says. A slight nod is all he gets from Mob, but the flash of worry is easy enough for Ritsu to spot, use to the slight changes in his brothers face from all his observing.
Ritsu walks to the only chair in his brother’s room, careful to not make too much noise. He finds his hands far more interesting to look at, only knowing that Mob moves closer by his feet shuffling. Mob plops down near Ritsu on his bed. The silence here is a bit more bearable for Ritsu than the silence in his room, where he was alone with his thoughts. He takes a deep breath, looking up at Mob.
“I…had a dream,” he starts, watching his brother intently, waiting for a reaction. When there is none, he continues, “I was using my powers but it wasn’t me. It was…it wasn't…and,” he looks at his hands, “there was blood everywhere,” he looks back up to Mob, hoping the fear is not evident on his face. By the looks of how Mob is reacting, he’s probably doing a bad job of hiding it. “I don’t want to lose control brother,” he finished weakly. He licks his lips and tries to swallow, but his mouth is so dry. His beating heart and trembling hands is the only thing he can focus on, staring and trying to will it away.
New hands appear in his vision, lightly grasping his hands and forcing him to look up. Mob’s hair is a mess and his eyes seem heavy with sleep, but still he looks at Ritsu and listens to him in the middle of the night and suddenly arms are wrapping their way around his shaking shoulders, Ritsu leaning his head into Mob’s shoulders. He feels safe here, safe from the dark thoughts that plague his mind, safe from his own powers. He remembers the time he fell down, scrapping his knees on the pavement. Mob hugged him like this, let him cry into his shoulder and comfort Ritsu until their parents arrived to patch him back up.
“Please help me control it,” he mumbles into Mob’s shoulder, tightening his own arms around his brother.
“Don’t worry Ritsu, I’ll help you,” Mob says, rubbing Ritsu’s back soothingly, “I’ll do my best.”
--
Mob wants to act on his words, attempt to help Ritsu control his powers, but after Ritsu left him room, he laid down on his bed and stare at the ceiling, wondering just how he was going to do it.
It’s not like Mob can just think back to how he learned to control his powers, it was something that Mob was doing since as long as he could remember. He never thought about how he was going to use his powers, he just used it. In fact, he didn’t even know how psychic powers work.
Mob did not get much sleep that night, and for the next few days, Mob can only ponder on how he was going to help Ritsu.
It isn’t until Mob trips while walking to school and almost drops his school bag into a puddle does the idea come.
Later that evening, Mob walks into the dining room, plate of rice in hand, watching Ritsu as he spins his pen between his fingers, reading the book in front of him. If Mob learned to control his powers by using it, then making Ritsu use his powers as a quick reaction should help him get the hang of the amount of power to use and where to direct it. Mob knows that Ritsu has been practicing his control on various spoons and utensils, so he already has an idea of control. Or at least, that’s what Mob hopes for.
He stands waiting in the doorway for Ritsu to look up before dropping the plate of rice, watching as the plate turns in midair and spills the rice even more. The soft thunk as the plate hits the floor and the new pattern of spotted white rice on the floor only brings an expression of confusion on Ritsu’s face and perhaps Mob should have explained to his brother what he was trying to accomplish. He sighs, lifting their finger up and picking up all the scattered rice bits and plates before turning back into the kitchen to dispose of the now uneatable food.
“Hey brother, are you okay? Do you need to talk,” he hear from the other room.
“No, I’m okay. I probably should have explained to you what I was trying to do,” Mob said. He hears Ritsu shuffle into the kitchen, confusion still written all over his face. “I wanted you to use your powers to catch the food before it fell. I guess I went about that wrong,” he says, washing the dish, hearing a soft “oh” from behind.
“Well, why do you want me to do that?” Ritsu asks. Mob gently shakes the excess water from the dish, wondering if Ritsu really doesn’t remember his request, or if he’s already apprehensive about learning to control his powers and hoping Mob didn’t remember.
“Weren’t you the one to ask me for help with your powers,” he say, turning towards his brother. Mob doesn’t see much of a reaction and he's not much of an expert at reading emotions, but being an older brother does have its small perks, and Ritsu not responding was a sure sign he was apprehensive about the idea.
It’s only half a minute of silence, but the gap stretches uncomfortably between the two of them, tempting Mob to try and offer some words of comfort or inspiration for his little brother. But Ritsu beats him to the punch with a simple nod of his head, looking defeated down at the floor.
That gives Mob pause, an alarm going off in his brain at the strange response from Ritsu. If his previous apprehension was not clear enough, this is sign enough for Mob that Ritsu is not fully onto the idea of training.
“Ritsu…,” he trails, stepping closer to his little brother. Ritsu looks up, eyes only slightly wide, but still just enough for Mob to see the fear in them, the building tension in the room from a spring slowly winding up getting ready to burst. That stops Mob in his tracks, but it’s too slow, the moment quickly passing and Ritsu closing his eyes once more before opening them with a cold resolve, replacing that frantic fear.
“No, you’re right brother, I did ask for this training. Please, let me try again,” he says, straightening his back and adopting a stiff posture as Mob slouches, disappointed at the lost chance to find out why.
“Well, it’s supposed to be sudden,” Mob starts, “but I guess we can try it again,” Mob finishes, Ritsu cheering up with the prospects of a chance at redemption.
Mob looks around the room, searching for something easy to work with, the both of them finally settling on the pen and book that Ritsu was using previously. While Ritsu did start to levitate the pen for a few seconds, Mob couldn’t help thinking about what he saw earlier, obviously concerned, but unable to do anything.
After their practice, Mob doesn’t see the same reaction from Ritsu, but there is still a bit of hesitation every time he is about to use his powers that twists his heart a little each time. No matter how much progress Ritsu makes, there is still that apprehension from Ritsu, as if he doesn’t want to use his powers. But as much as Mob wants to get rid of that apprehension and hesitation, he can’t do anything if Ritsu doesn’t let him.
--
The glowing pink morning sunrise brightens the park close to where they live, dew still fresh on the untouched grass and a soft fog slowly lifting. The cool air helps to shake off the lingering sleep from his conscious and wake him up, focusing on the esper energy surrounding him in a thin barrier. He is also feeling further out, feeling the soothing, circular motion of Mob’s powers. There are a few people out for a morning jog, but Ritsu finds it difficult to zero in on their energy signature.
A few weeks passed by with Ritsu diligently learning how to use his powers to levitate items, stop items, and even how to use his esper barrier, although not to the same extent or length that his brother has.
Ritsu can feel his powers slowly getting stronger, refining itself from the jagged, uncontrollable whisps to smaller, sharper edges that shimmer when visible. The more he improves, the more he can feel his powers omnipresent, slowly shifting just under his skin, almost like a second heartbeat supplying his body with necessary energy. Ever since he started to strengthen his powers, he has started to notice improvements in his health. Deeper sleep, more energy in class, and stronger focus. He slowly starts to understand the people from Claw, pushing for more and more power, the addicting feeling that could easily engulf a person with weaker wills. The feeling is almost enough for Ritsu to ignore the gnawing sensation deep in his heart.
Ritsu turns, watching Mob walk a few steps ahead, looking ahead at the changing sunrise, pink hues now a light orange against the light blue sky, a few grey clouds interrupting the scene. Ritsu shutters.
From behind a shout draws both their attention, turning to look for the source of the noise. Ritsu hears Mob whisper Teru-kun under his breath, smiling. Ritsu looks back at Hanazawa, a clash of neon colors hurting his eyes.
“Hey Kageyama-kun, brother-kun, what are you two doing out so early? Don’t you usually sleep in on Saturdays,” he asks.
“Hi Hanazawa-kun. We’re working on strengthening Ritsu’s powers,” Mob replies, Ritsu sharply turning to stare at Mob, who appears to be completely unaware of his stares as Mob continues to talk about his powers.
“Oh? What have you worked on so far?”
“Mostly basic skills like levitation and using a barrier. Ritsu is really improving quickly so we might move onto exorcism.”
“Have you practiced self-levitation?” Mob raises his hand to his face, the light dusting on his cheeks getting a bit darker.
“Uhh no, not really. I don’t really like to self-levitate all that much actually,” he says. Ritsu hears Hanazawa quietly say “oh” before turning to look him.
“Brother-kun, you want to learn how to fly?”
--
“Are you sure you don’t mind teaching him this?” Mob says from behind, the two lagging behind Ritsu. As much as he dislikes Hanazawa, he knows that he will eventually need to learn, and Mob is not going to be much help in that department.
“Trust me Kageyama-kun, it’s not a problem at all for me. I’ve been teaching other espers how to use their powers, but none of them are nearly advance enough to practice levitation.” The groups of people start to thin out the further in they got into the park. A soft jingle from behind has Mob asking a soft “hello” and “one second please”.
“Ritsu, Hanazawa-kun, would it be alright if I left you two alone while I help master deal with a spirit?”
“Why don’t I come along?” Ritsu says, watching with hope that his brother will let him come along. “Anyways, that was the next step you planned right?”
Ritsu watches as his brother tucks his lower lip between his teeth, thinking over what Ritsu said when Hanazawa walks over to Mob and throws an arm around his shoulders.
“Kageyama-kun, I got this. Besides, it’s probably not even worth the effort to have brother-kun learn exorcising only one spirit when you can go out another time and have a bunch to practice on,” he says. Then he is leaning over, whispering something Ritsu can’t hear that has Mob nodding along. Once Hanazawa finishes whatever he said, Mob looks between Hanazawa and Ritsu, before nodding at Hanazawa.
“Sorry Ritsu, Hanazawa-kun has a point. I’ll be back in half an hour. By then you should learn how to levitate,” he says as he brings the phone back up to his head, giving his master confirmation of his assistance. Ritsu watches with shock as his brother turns around and gives them both a small wave, walking back towards the way they came from. The two of them stood in momentary silence until Hanazawa broke it.
“Well, just you and me brother-kun.”
“Let’s just get this over with,” Ritsu replies, turning to continue walking towards a quiet, empty space. He hears Hanazawa following closely behind, already explaining levitation.
“Okay, so it's the same principle as levitating objects, just with yourself,” Hanazawa says, “There are obviously some differences between the two that are a bit difficult to explain, but the difference mainly comes from how you feel. You want to feel your power in every part of you, all the way down to your core. You want to also feel as light as possible, as if you are already in the air. That’s why it’s extremely hard to levitate when another force is being applied to you by an esper.”
Ritsu stops in the open area, feeling no signs of other people milling around. Hanazawa stops his quick levitation lesson too. Ritsu turns around, seeing Hanazawa looking around the flat, open field, trees lining the outskirts of the area before nodding and looking at Ritsu.
“Here, Kageyama-kun said you can levitate stuff right? Try levitating me now and think about how you are feeling when you do,” he says, flicking his hand out and sticking the other hand on his hips. Through his bad mood, Ritsu curtly nods, lifting his hands up and slowly picking up Hanazawa. He has to give Hanazawa kudos for trusting him like this. If it were the other way around and it was Hanazawa lifting up Ritsu, he isn’t sure what he would do.
As he is lifting Hanazawa, Ritsu tries his best to “think about how he feels” and compare it to what Hanazawa said earlier. His power still feels like it is curling and swirling under his skin, a soft warmth that he is familiar with, but as he follows the gentle flow of his powers, he feels a strange feeling in his arms and in his chest. The powers in his arms gather, the flow feeling much quicker than what it typically is, and seems to end at his fingertips, where it almost feels like thousands of tiny electric shocks emitting from his fingers, just without the pain that often comes from accidental shocking.
The feeling in his chest is a lot heavier, the current of power almost at a standstill, slowly circulating from a center point. It’s hard and cold, almost like his barrier when activated. He slowly puts Hanazawa down, focusing on the two feelings. The feeling in his arms change, as he suspected, as less and less power builds up in his arms, the electrical shocks dying down until he can no longer feel it. Opening his eyes, Ritsu sees Hanazawa on the ground, carefully watching Ritsu. The feeling in his chest doesn’t change, and Ritsu wonders if this feeling was always there.
“Alright so how was that? Ready to try levitating?” he asks and Ritsu nods. “Great! But first I need to finish explaining,” he says, motioning for Ritsu to sit on the ground. Hanazawa crosses his arms on his chest. “So I’m hoping you felt the way your powers move when you are using them. For most people, it’s generally the same. Powers gather in your arms and exit from your hands. It’s the natural place for espers to start at since your hands are not covered by anything and help focus your direction. Once you get use to the way your powers flow, you can theoretically move away from using your hands and use other parts of your body.
“For levitating, you need to send power to all over your body and direct it at yourself, creating something like a cycle. The trick is to learn how to build up power, while at the same time having a place to accept your power in a way that evenly distributes across your body; unless you enjoy the feeling of soreness and bruises?” he asks. Ritsu shakes his head. “Okay! So other than what I said earlier, that’s all the basics you need to know to try levitating. I can explain more as we go along,” he says while reaching a hand out to Ritsu still on the ground. He ignores the hand, pushing himself up and dusting the bits of grass on his arms and backside.
He stands, facing away from the rising sun and closes his eyes, focusing on the smooth flow of his powers coursing through his body. Slowly, he starts to feel the thousands of tiny prickles on his skin, from his fingertips to his arms, as it eventually envelopes his whole body. Ritsu concentrates on keeping his power even everywhere, feeling and willing his powers to go where he wants.
“Are you doing alright?”
Ritsu ignores him, instead starts to focus on the second part of his levitation lesson, completing the loop. At first his powers lash outwards, disappearing into the air around him like flames out of control until Ritsu focuses his attention on himself. There’s a burning surrounding him once he does, scorching his lungs with every breath he took and blinding his eyes, a stark contrast to the ice cold feeling in his chest, languid chills that drip into his muscles and bones. He’s freezing, but sweat is dripping off his forehead and running down his neck. The heat is getting unbearable. Ritsu feeling on the border between powerful and ready to explode.
Then he is on the ground, gasping for breath and attempting to shake off the sweat clinging to his shirt and the chill still tingling through his bones.
“-other-kun, are you okay?”
Ritsu looks up at Hanazawa, concern written across his face. He’s crouching down, hand hovering over his shoulder. A soothing aura encapsulates Ritsu, a light airy feeling replacing the cold.
“Brother-kun? Can you hear me?”
“Yeah, I hear you just fine,” he says, lacking the bite usually reserved for responding to Hanazawa. Ritsu stays on the ground, too shocked to do much else but catch his breath.
“Are you hurt,” Hanazawa asks. Ritsu shakes his head, not feeling any physical damage to himself. Looking up, Ritsu sees a circle surrounding him, perhaps singed by his powers. “That was quite a show you just did there. Do you know what went wrong?”
Ritsu tries to think back on the moment, attempts to remember just what was happening in the moment, but flashes of dark wisps of power claw at his thoughts, sending a fresh new wave of pain through his skull. He clutches at his head.
“No, nothing. I was just…doing…what you said,” he says. It was as if all the energy that he had been building up before just vanished in seconds, leaving behind nothing but exhaustion. Ritsu gladly stayed on the ground, the world still spinning too quickly for him to get his bearings.
“Well,” Hanazawa says, “something went wrong. Has this ever happened to you before?”
Ritsu takes a moment to consider this, thinking back on the training that he and his brother had been working on. “Not that I could recall. During training I’ve never felt this drained before.”
“Don’t think about training, think about times when you are alone and use your power,” he continues a bit softer, “I don’t think Kageyama-kun realizes this, but his powers are always seeping out.”
Ritsu closes his eyes, thinking about the times he uses his powers when he was alone. And as he starts to think about those times, he realizes that every time ends with him feeling more drained and exhausted as when he started.
“Ahh, so it has,” Hanazawa says. Ritsu opens his eyes and glares at Hanazawa, but the effect is lost on him as he continues, “I think I know what might be happening.”
He points a finger at Ritsu, “you don’t want to use your esper powers!”
Ritsu can only manage to raise his eyebrow, hoping that Hanazawa gets the message.
“I don’t know why you don’t want to use your esper powers, but that has to be it. You were hardly using any power to levitate and it looks like you just came out of a battle. That must mean you are draining yourself of power.” Ritsu looks away, breath finally caught up to him, as he ponders the thought.
“I’m not scared to use my powers,” he mumbles, “it has to be something else.”
“Please brother-kun, something is obviously holding you back. Come to think of it, you just recently manifested your powers? All natural espers I know had manifested when they were young,” Hanazawa says. Be it the drained feeling or a lapse in judgement, Ritsu feels the need to share his feelings with the other boy.
“I was part of an effort to weed out the delinquents at Salt Middle and recruited by Mitsuura-san accidentally when they manifested. When they did, I had to get Dimple’s help to control them.”
“Control them how?”
“I don’t know, but I guess to focus them. The times before, I had no idea I was using my powers.”
Hanazawa turns away from that, pacing back and forth and face scrunched up in deep thought. “The times that that has happened to me was always when I was having strong emotions. You might have realized this already, but our powers are closely linked to our emotions. While you can train to have more control over them while in deep emotional stress, that relationship is hard to sever,” he trails, stopping both his train of thought out loud and his pacing.
“Brother-kun, can you answer a question for me quickly and honestly?”
Ritsu blinks slowly, turning towards Hanazawa. While there is no doubt in Ritsu’s mind that Hanazawa was highly knowledgeable about all things esper related, he still hasn’t spent much time with Hanazawa to feel all that comfortable sharing things without thought. The alternatives, including asking his brother, were much worse and did not guarantee any real answers, so he nods, watching as Hanazawa smiles softly, as if understanding that it took some trust and confidence in him.
“Okay, tell me, without thinking, what do you think of when you think of esper powers?”
Despite readying himself, Ritsu is caught off guard with that question, looking away immediately as images of red and black come to mind. He closes his eyes, shaking his head to get rid of the blood that slowly drips down the side of his face and gets into his eyes. It takes a moment for Ritsu to remind himself that it’s not real.
“Brother-kun?”
“I’m fine, I just,” he runs a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath, “I think of…pain.”
“Pain?”
“Do I have to explain myself, I think of pain when I think of using esper powers, now can you tell me why my powers are acting like this or not?” Ritsu snaps.
Hanazawa doesn’t make a move after, the outburst hanging in the air between the two of them. The longer the silence reigns, the more Ritsu feels embarrassed over his lack of control. It is Ritsu looking for answers, not Hanazawa looking to make fun of him. Ritsu feels his shoulders sag, head dropping slightly as he watching the grass below sway in the slight breeze.
“When we were little, I was amazed by my brother’s powers and excited to develop my own. Of course I would develop them, nii-san assured me, I was his little brother after all.” Ritsu takes a quick peek at Hanazawa, trying to gauge his reaction and stall for time to get the confidence to share his worst nightmare and deepest fear. Apart from his furrowed eyebrows knitting his face up tight, there seemed to be a softness in his smile encouraging Ritsu to continue.
“One day we were out getting some food for our mother when we were stopped by some middle school kids,” he laughs hollowly, “I can’t believe I was so stubborn about that money we had, I should have just given the damn thing over and we would have been find. But instead, I stood my ground and got punished for it.”
The last few words are like whispers that hardly come out, making difficult, no doubt, for Hanazawa to hear. But there is a tightness in Ritsu’s throat making it harder to swallow and breath, none the less speak clearly. His vision starts to blur when he feels a gentle warmth envelop him. A shiver runs through his body at the touch, leaving his fingertips cold as ice.
“That’s when I saw it, that thing inside of nii-san.”
Ritsu reaches up to gently touch the invisible cut on his forehead, phantom pain running through him when recalling the destruction that day.
“It destroyed everything in its wake.”
He drops his hand, turning away from Hanazawa. The shivers coursing through his veins froze him to the core. The memory is too much, too painful to remember.
“I know what you’re referring to,” Hanazawa says. He doesn’t make any effort to move towards Ritsu, but Ritsu feels his stare on his back.
“Kageyama-kun never told you about how we met did he?” Hanazawa asks, not skipping a beat when Ritsu doesn’t respond.
“It was around the beginning of the school year, after the delinquents I was leader of at Vinegar Middle School kidnapped him for some reason or another,” Hanazawa says, waving his hands around his head like he was attempting to get rid of a fly buzzing around; nothing but an inconvenience.
As much as Ritsu wanted him to expand more on that story, he stays quiet.
“After I took down everyone, Kageyama-kun was still there, lecturing me about how to use my powers. I attacked him, but even through it all, he wouldn’t fight back,” Hanazawa says. At this point, Ritsu turns back to face Hanazawa, watching as he starts looking down at his own hands. The forlone look on his face reminds Ritsu of his own emotions towards his powers, and for a moment, Ritsu feels like him and Hanazawa are more similar than he thought.
“Even on the brink of consciousness, Kageyama-kun would do nothing to stop me.” He took a moment after saying this, Ritsu not daring to interrupt the mood and story for some niceties or comfort that long was not needed. Then Hanazawa looks up at Ritsu, serious.
“That’s when I saw it. I think I was just lucky that it didn’t kill me, hell if I had been a normal person, I probably would have. The entire school got destroyed in it’s wake. I’m not sure what happened after, but I know for sure that Kageyama-kun has something inside him, something beyond his powers.”
“Ritsu,” Hanazawa starts, startling Ritsu from his thoughts, “you won’t ever be like that. That monster you saw, it’s not your brother and it’s not your powers.”
Ritsu looks away, overwhelmed by the tenderness Hanazawa spoke with. Speaking as if he knew what Ritsu was feeling, and knew that it still haunts him to this day. That day Ritsu saw the news of the school being torn to shreds, the only thought in his mind was his brother, at the power within him that he can’t control, that overwhelms him to the point of destruction and ruin, something his brother never was.
And here Ritsu was, listening to Hanazawa, someone else who has first-hand experience with his brother’s (otherworldly?) powers. Suddenly, his world didn’t feel as heavy.
The silence between them is appreciated, and not something Ritsu really expected out of Hanazawa. However, questions and emotions still racked Ritsu’s mind, pushing for him to break the silence.
“How do you know that’s not his powers?”
Hanazawa takes a deep breath, perhaps a thanks for his vurnerability being enough to help Ristu. “Every psychic has a distinct energy, kind of like how each person has their own fingerprint. You and Kageyama-kun have similar energies since you two are siblings, but there is a small difference between the two of you that I can feel.”
Ritsu turned around to look at Hanazawa, seeing the troubled look on his face.
“When I was facing Kageyama once the monster took over, I couldn’t feel anything. It was actually taking my powers away. There is no way to properly describe what that was.”
Hanazawa looks away, but not fast enough, Ritsu seeing the fear filling his eyes. His fist clench, and a slight dry feeling starts to take over the field they are still standing in. Ritsu watches, unsure of what to do. The moment passes quickly, however, and Teru turns to look at Ritsu once again.
"Now, when I spend time with Kageyama-kun, I always feel their power, almost as if they are protecting me. Me! Someone who attacked Kageyama-kun for no reason! I don't deserve protection, but I know Kageyama-kun doesn't even realize what's happening. This is all subconcious. While Kageyama-kun gives, the monster I saw only took."
"That's why I know it isn't Kageyama's power." Teru states, daring Ritsu to argue against him. As much as Ritsu wants to believe in Teru, wants to quell his fears about his powers, the thoughts still linger, still feel like faint tingling against his skin, ready to break out. Ritsu looks away from those piercing eyes, closing his own to prepare to spill his darkest fear.
"But how do you know it's not something I inherited too? How do I know that years in the future, after I've been using my powers for years and mastered them, that this thing isn't going to come out from me and hurt the ones that I love?" He takes a deep breath, feeling a weight slowly lift from his chest, the momentum it's bringing pushing him to keep speaking.
"How do I know that this power isn't going to morph into that, a powerhungry entity that controls me instead? I've already done so much, so many things that I regret. Who's to say that I won't fall back into those habits? Nii-san...nii-san is a wonderful person who I deeply admire. Who works hard and thinks about others before thinking about themself. Once I got powers, I immediately used them to try to intimidate and harrass people, ruining their lives.
Ritsu turns back up to Teru, feeling the sting of holding back tears, but refusing to give in, refusing to let this take over him. He needs to know, hoping that Teru sees him pleading for reassurance. "What if I'm a bad person?"
"Brother-kun...," Teru starts, stalling for time to process what to say, how to break the news to Ritsu that, perhaps, he should stop trying to use his powers, should find a way to lock them away and never use them again. Instead, Teru shakes his head, resolve hardening as he gazes right into Ritsu, as if he is looking into his soul and reading the contents of his heart.
"Between you and me, I think I have far more to make up for in life than you. You apologized for your actions, you agonized over them. I still struggle on my own journey to be a better person. I don't think any of us are perfect or free from having to grow into something new."
"I don't think I can tell you with 100% certainty that what Kageyama-kun has inside him isn't also inside you. But I know you won't hurt anyone intentionally, nor would you not try your hardest to prevent yourself from hurting anyone. But if we held ourselves back because we might make a mistake or do something bad, we'd never take those steps forward into becoming better either." Teru claps his hand on Ritsu's shoulder, his face softening with a kind smile and little wrinkles bunch around his eyes.
"You aren't a bad person. Just a person."
Ritsu brings his arm up to wipe the tears before they fall, Teru's words striking a golden chord inside that makes him feel lighter than he's ever felt. The arm on his shoulder tugs gently forward, an offer from Teru for hug. As nice as that sounds, Ritsu really would rather get back to the lesson at hand, so he twists his arms away from his face and clasps Teru's shoulder, nodding slightly.
Thankfully, Teru gets the message and let's go after one affirming squeeze, and steps back outside Ritsu's personal space. Ritsu takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and just feeling the words in his head. Just a person. Simple words that feel like a whole universe just opened up below his feet, seeing the world in a new way. Sure, it's a bit blurry, but with some time and assistance, he'll be able to understand.
"Okay. How does this all relate back to my powers again," Ritsu asks, attempting to get back on track before nii-san returns. Teru straightens up like a puppet on a wire, and claps his hands together.
"Right! You're powers! You are holding back from using them out of the fears you hold. Remember how I said powers are closely connected to our emotions? Your fear is trapping your powers inside, so you are unable to really use any of your powers. In fact, your own esper power is trying to take out itself because of your fear. With most of your power locked away, you'll never be able to do much outside of small tricks and moves."
Teru keeps chatting while Ritsu thinks about the other lab kids, at how their powers, while impressive, are certainly lacking in power or magnitude. He nods absently, thinking back on the cold center he felt earlier and attempts to feel it again. The feeling of his powers slowly churning in his chest feels like tar, a sickly thought that shoots memories of blood and shadows and pain. He winces at the thought, but pushes forward, thinking back on the light feeling from his conversation with Teru, the bright feeling like sun melting the tar and turning it into black oil, still not ideal, but not as thick or stiff as before. In fact, Ritsu can almost feel a beating inside that ball, glimmers of shimmering powers trying to break free.
He focuses on that feeling, the powers like waves crashing against the oil barrier, and feels the smallest of streams start to flow through him, a feeling he hasn't felt before tickling beneath his skin. It's lighter. Softer. Almost like air filling his lungs and bringing life back to his body. The electric shocks he got use to now feel smooth, almost water-like but not quite as free moving. There is purpose and direction behind the flow, but it meanders about, no urgency or sense of need driving it out.
As it flows out from him, Ritsu seeks the feeling to bring it back around, a U-turn of sense where he can feel the slick oil running back around. It's like a bubble suddenly surrounded him, and the lightness of the sensation makes Ritsu a bit giddy in excitement. He almost forgets about the park, Teru, his brother, and all his fears. For once, the only thing on his mind is the soothing warmth of his powers lifting him up.
Ritsu dares to open his eyes. Hovering a few inches off the ground, and with Hanazawa staring, stars in his eyes, Ritsu catches movement in the distance, his brother waving and a small smile on his face.
---
The spoon spinning wildly inbetween Ritsu and Mob just feels absurd, like a joke. Since his self-levitation lesson with Hanazawa, Ritsu found himself advancing rapidly in his esper powers. Tasks that use to be exausting before like reacting to falling items or making a full barrier against his skin started to feel more like second nature, as if his barrier should naturally be there or that his reaction speed has always been this fast.
His brother, naturally, was pleased, but continues to have him do pointless lessons like this.
Tug of war between them? With their powers holding onto the spoon like a string? Give him a break! This is literal child's play. Ritsu has fought against others with his powers, it's almost as if his brother is insulting him.
Distracted by these frustrations, a quick tug from Mob sent Ritsu tumbling forward, catching himself with his powers.
"Ah, sorry Ritsu are you okay," Mob asks, dropping the spoon and crawling over from his place on the floor to where Ritsu is. "You were doing very well there."
"You say that after ever training session," Ritsu grumbles, sitting back up but looking staunchly in and opposite direction of his brother.
"But I do mean it, you've really grown into your powers Ritsu," he insists.
"Yeah, alright, if I am doing so well, why haven't you taught me how to exorcise spirits yet? Didn't you say my next step was that before my self-levitation lesson with Hanazawa?" Ritsu could feel the frustration swirling beneath his skin, concentrating on keeping them and his powers contained. He wonders idlely if Mob could sense his frustration, sense the emotions that feel like it's emanating from his skin. Ritsu never noticed emotions from Mob, his aura always a calming pool of neutral, like a centering force. Then again, the whole house is shrouded in his aura, so perhaps that's just years of control over them.
Still, Mob looks as if he is mulling over the information, as if this were news to him. Is he even taking this seriously?
"Taking what seriously?"
Ah, he said that out loud. Normally Ritsu is a lot better at keeping himself under control, but with the way his day has progressed, he feels like he's at his breaking point. One wrong step and he might end up blowing up.
"My training. When we first started it seemed to make sense to me, learning how to control my power output and direction. But now, it just feels like I'm playing tricks with my powers. Wasn't the whole point of these lessons so that I learn how to protect myself from spirits?" The unsaid and you feels heavy between them, and Ritsu wonders if words can have esper energy too.
Mob looks away from Ritsu at the spoon on the ground. Waiting for his brother's reply usually wasn't bad, but this time, Ritsu could feel his patience getting shaved off in chunks. Frustration and irritation mixed, a hot burning he's sure others would feel if they touched his arm or hands now.
"You're right, it is time to teach you how to exorcise a spirit," Mob finally replies, looking more apprehension than normal. "But before I show you," he trails, getting up from the floor, grabbing the spoon, and walking towards the kitchen. Ritsu leans, trying to see where his brother went, but as soon as he does, Mob's already walking towards the front door with a light coat. He looks back at Ritsu still sitting on the ground, staring him down until Ritsu gets the message. He pulls himself up and trudges towards the door.
The slowly setting sun leaves a nice backdrop between the two of them, as they quietly make their way to wherever it is Mob was taking them. The slight chill in the air helps to calm Ritsu's nerves and think a bit clearer than before. Naturally they would need to leave the house if they're to find any real spirits to exorcise. That was one of the first things Dimple told Ritsu when he saw Dimple for the first time.
Ritsu glances at Mob, wondering what he could be thinking. They didn't exchange any words since leaving, which isn't entirely out of the norm, but surely it would make sense to explain how exorcisms work before getting to the site?
They stop suddenly by a partly burned down house, abandoned and slowly falling apart. Ritsu doesn't feel anything at first, but when he looks over at Mob, he can tell he should. He thinks back to some of his training and reaches out with his powers, like blowing air on a mirror to see what words were written before on it. Sure enough, the small presence reveals itself to Ritsu, and he feels a small swell of pride at being able to sense it, regardless of how small.
Mob is still looking at him, so Ritsu nods and starts to move towards the building. A hand reaches out to grab him by the shoulder before he could take more than two steps.
"Wait, Ritsu," Mob says, the gentle flow of his aura surrounding his shoulder, and Ritsu almost smacks his hand against his face. Walking into a spirits area without even a barrier activated around him. Wordlessly, Ritsu brings his own up, staring at Mob until he drops his hand. Except he doesn't. The hand remains on his shoulder, hesitation filling the silence between them. The seconds tick by, Mob not making any indication that he will move, so Ritsu shakes his hand off his shoulder and starts making his way once again towards the house, refusing to check if Mob is behind him.
The closer he gets to the house, the more he feels sweat beading up behind his neck and hairs standing on his arms. Ritsu has no clue how to exorcise a spirit, but after all the training he's done, he should be fine. Even if Mob didn't take the time to explain what it'll feel like, or how it happens. If anything, maybe it's just like fighting people, just with a little more emphasis on the powers and less on the punch. From the small presence earlier, it shouldn't be too dangerous.
The entrance is boarded up, but it seems like someone had already ripped a small hole in the corner, wide enough for a person to fit through. Ritsu can feel the air get more dense, heavier against his skin. Despite how long ago the house must have caught on fire, there is still a smokey smell permeating the area, a whiff of some meatier smell, something Ritsu does not want to spend time now identifying.
Immediately Ritsu blinks, trying to adjust from the fading light outside to the pitch black surrounding him. Sticking his hand out in front, he could barely see the tips of his fingers from how deep the dark feels. Wasn't there windows from the outside? Is he in a small windowless hall of the building?
Ritsu swallows audibly, the sound of his heartbeat too loud and the noises of a house unfamiliar to him. He closes his eyes, trying to focus on slowing down his breath and focusing on his powers, the only sense he has now that he can rely on. But even that becomes unreliable, as the darkness he saw seems to be eating at his own powers too, surrounding him in the despair of being trapped, of hopelessness. There isn't any air now reaching his lungs, and, in a blind panic, he thinks he's going to die for real this time.
In the pitch darkness that seems to eat away at existence itself, Ritsu saw a flash of light, shimmering glow similar to his own, but stronger, brighter, sharper. A deep breath of air fills his lungs, and he snaps back into his surroundings.
"Ritsu! Ritsu are you okay?"
"Yeah, now I am, sorry nii-san." He looks around the room, bathing in a gentle orange glow from the setting sun. The room is largely empty save for a table in the center of the room that's been flipped on it's side and a chair in the corner of the room. He looks down at his shaking hands, legs feeling like jelly and ready to give out at any moment. Ritsu slinks down on his knees, gazing out unfocused as he stares into the walls. "What...happened?"
"I'm sorry Ritsu, it's my fault you almost got hurt." He hears Mob getting closer and plopping down next to him, but doesn't feel his hands on him. Between Ritsu's desire for comfort and protection, and his own fears of what just happened and his own brother's potential, there is a stalemate in his mind about what would be the ideal move from Mob.
"That's not it, it's my fault," he trails. He didn't even have time to prepare, to see what was happening and reacting. One moment he walks into an abandoned house and the next he's fallen into a black hole leading to nonexistence. Or at least, an existence his human mind can't see.
He failed, plain and simple. This was suppose to be proof that he could take care of himself, be able to defend against spirits. His eyes are watering, only his stubbornness preventing the tears from gathering and falling.
"How much longer can I take of this," he questions, curling into himself, as if preparing for the blow.
"Of what Ritsu?" Ritsu snaps his head to look at his brother, to see if he's serious. The eyes that stare back look in worry and affection and maybe a bit of frustration, but there is no denying the ignorance that continues to blind him from the truth. From why Ritsu feels so caged and helpless. The shock and disappointment of the moment turns to frustration and anger at his brother, and the cage sealing his biggest secret bursts open.
"Of you! Everyday I live in fear of what's inside you nii-san! I know it's not nii-san, but it's your body, it's your hands moving and it's terrifying. I told you this back before I was taken by claw, but clearly you didn't really get it."
His brother looks in shock during, but at his last jab, hurt takes over and he looks away. Seeing his reaction, Ritsu does regret saying it like that, but it's the truth, and trying to sweep his true self away to protect them both is getting tiresome. He sighs, clearing away the emotions that muddle his thinking. He's angry, upset, and still a bit in shock, but they need to talk about it. The monster inside his brother.
"Nii-san, tell me the truth. Is that monster inside of you, actually you?"
And there's the question he's most afraid to hear the answer to. The one he skirts around in his brain, ignoring the sour humming it brings to every interaction he has with his brother. Years and years of their lives, memories that should be as sweet as cotton candy, ruined from running away. No more.
Ritsu holds his gaze, giving Mob time to gather his own courage to start overcoming this. Hurt and fear swirl behind Mob's own eyes, but there is a strength that Ritsu has never seen before shine in his eyes, as he looks at Ritsu. Maybe Ritsu, too, hasn't been paying close attention.
"I don't know," Mob states, " but I know that I am surrounded by people who would do everything in their power to stop me if I do lose control again." Mob hangs his head, shaking, "I'm sorry Ritsu, I know that isn't the answer you want to hear, but it is the truth and I think it's something you should know, since I consider you one of those people who will stop me."
He looks back up at Ritsu, less hesitant and more sure of himself. "I meant everything I've said about you; how smart and capable you are. When we get into trouble, you find a way out of it. I admire you, Ritsu. You're already strong, and you'll get stronger, strong enough to beat me. After all, you are my little brother."
Ritsu throws himself into Mob's arms, the tears he spent so long fighting away, freely falling now down his cheeks. He's right that the answer is not one that Ritsu wanted to hear, but to hear his brother tell him with such confidence that he could get stronger, will get stronger, words he did not think he needed to hear. He might still be scared for now of the potential in Mob, but once day he won't have to be. He'll be strong enough for the both of them.
"I don't know what this power is, and if it's mine. I didn't ask for these powers. But just because I have them, doesn't mean that my future is decided for me. I'll become someone I want to be, not what mom or dad want, or my teachers, or even this monster if it is something else. I'll grow into my true self."
The years fade away, and Ritsu once again feels like a 5 year old following his older brother around, in absolute awe over him. His brother really is someone to strive for, to become. In the face of terrifying power, he commits himself to overcoming it, not succumbing to it's might. These powers Ritsu grew into, he'll make them into something new; not a cage that binds him to misery, but a tool to help those around him that only he can help, including his brother.
"I'll do my best nii-san to becomes as strong as I can," Ritsu mutters into his shoulder, squeezing him tighter, "so you don't have to worry anymore either."
There is a light feeling in his chest, a giddiness that won't go away. The light beating of energy flowing beneath his skin makes him want to move around and shake it out. He feels arms circling him as well, and a bit of sharp, cold powers mingling with his own. Just as the melting snow in the mountains produces a tiny spring that expands as it flows, it feels as if the two of them have emerged from hiding and feel the potential blossom. The tears aren't going quite as fast or as hot, morphing into happiness as a smile starts to form.
They stay for a moment, basking in the new foundation of their relationship, one of honesty, respect, and balance. But all good moments must come to an end, so Ritsu pulls away, sniffling and rubbing an arm quickly to help remove any remaining wetness from his face. Mob is in much the same state, albeit more composed.
"Is there anything else I should know about you," Ritsu jokes, chuckling slightly to himself. A glance at Mob, however, gives him pause.
"Maybe, maybe we can save it for another time?" Ritsu smiles, figuring there might be one or two other things he's been hiding as well. Seeing Mob admit to those secrets, and being willing to talk about them makes Ritsu giddy with anticipation. Maybe they can have a normal brotherly relationship. He nods, pulling himself up to his feet and offering a hand to his brother. It's twilight now, the sun gone from the horizon, but still bright enough to illuminate the sky to a pastel purple, a few stars glistening in the distance.
As they make their way back outside, Ritsu calls out to Mob in front.
"Hey, so how do you exorcise a spirit? We came out all this way to do that, it'd be a pain if I didn't even get the chance to try exorcising." Mob stops in front of Ritsu, tilting his head to the side.
"Well, master calls it 'melting'. I think of it as squishing. Hanazawa-kun mentioned the he felt like it was 'draining'." He turns back around to look at Ritsu. "I guess you'll just need to try it and see how you do it? You just need to get rid of the energy." A wave of power to their left caught their attention, "oh, looks like you have a chance now."
Ritsu nods, steeling his nerves for his second spirit encounter for the night. He closes his eyes, thinking about how you'd get rid of energy, the black tar smothering him from his lesson with Hanazawa and the darkness that enveloped him earlier springing immediately to mind.
"Guess it's time to disappear," Ritsu said, reaching his hand out in the general direction of the spirit they sensed. He channels the thoughts he's saying like a mantra in his head, focused solely on his powers and the spirit a few meters ahead. When he touches the spirit, he can feel the power lashing out, licking at his own shimmering powers and trying to make it spill out like a harmless faucet left to drip. Instead, Ritsu doubles the flow, pushing against the feeling and enveloping the energy.
It is, strange. The more he pushes against the energy, the more it whithers from the touch, fading from existence, like a flower shriveling up and dissapearing into the soil. This power doesn't just disperse, it almost feels like he's collecting something from it, learning something. Before he can understand what he's feeling, the spirit is gone.
It feels significant.
He closes his hand into a fist and brings it up to his face for inspection, as if looking will help connect the missing pieces from his revelation.
"Good job Ritsu! Soon you'll be able to do multiple spirits and more powerful ones." Ritsu turns to see his brother, a soft smile that Ritsu returns and nods.
"Mhh, I have a great teacher, so I'm sure in no time."
"Do you want to try exorcising again? I'm sure we can find another place with spirits."
"Let's go and give it our best," Ritsu replies, walking together with his brother, "though I think I would say it feels more like dissolving."
"Oh, nii-san," Ritsu starts, bringing his arm up to wrap around his brother's shoulder," if you do end up going on a destructive rampage through the city, can it at least be for something cool? I'll be really disappointed if it's because some girl rejected you."
Mob blushes, looking away from Ritsu as he laughs. This, walking into the dying twilight while exorcising spirits, is what Ritsu thinks brothers should be doing, what Ritsu should have been running towards since he got his esper powers.
He's glad he sees it now.