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Everything had started just like any ordinary day. Mu Hanzhang had woken up first as usual, throwing a still yawning Jing Shao out of their shared bed in the early hours of morning and pestering his lazy husband into going to morning court for once, much to that husband's chagrin. He had been perfectly fine when his Prince had quickly popped in for lunch later in the day, eating well and with a good appetite while they had discussed some small matters that had appeared in morning court, Jing Shao as always eager to get his Jun Qing´s sharp insights on how to best handle things. And he had also been perfectly well when Jing Shao had to leave again to attend to some other matters in town, opting to stay behind and read instead of accompanying him on his errands. They had planned to go out later for dinner to visit a newly opened restaurant that had become all the craze in the last few weeks and then retire early with not even the smallest hint that anything could be amiss.
So when a frazzled and out of breath Yun Zhu storms into the tea shop Jing Shao had just been frequenting, nearly falling over the threshold in his haste and shoving the poor attendant out of his way without any thoughts to propriety Jing Shao at first thought that something political must have happened, another one of the usual power struggles in the court needing his attention and he had already opened his mouth to chastise their young servant for his haste. But the words get stuck in his throat when the boy grabs for his sleeve, panic evident in his eyes, stuttering about how everything had been just fine and then all of a sudden the Cheng Wang Fei had cried out in pain and collapsed, coughing and wheezing and barely able to draw breath as if someone had stabbed him. Jing Shao had forgotten all about propriety himself, rushing out of the shop without so much of a glance back at the confused clerk that had been in the middle of taking his order.
By the time he has arrived back at his estate, his poor horse foaming at the bit and dripping with sweat, the doctor is already there attending to his Jun Qing with attendants hurrying back and forth with herbs and medicines and prescriptions. Old Yun, their steward, is already waiting for him at the gate, worry and fear evident in his wrinkly old face.
“My prince..”
“What happened?”
The poor man can barely keep up with him with his short old legs, scuttling like a panicked little critter next to him as Jing Shao hurries through the outer courtyard in big strides, ignoring everyone and everything around him aside from the old man.
“This slave does not know. Cheng Wang Fei had been perfectly fine, he was writing letters in his study when he suddenly cried out and grabbed his chest as if in pain. I was barely able to catch him before he collapsed and he has been unconscious ever since. His breathing was labored and wet-sounding as if his chest had been injured and he was hot to the touch, burning with fever. We called for the imperial doctor right away but so far he has not been able to find anything, no injury or any known sickness. He just send to the imperial hospital for more of his colleagues and ordered some expensive herbs from the pharmacy, this slave has been so bold as to authorize-”
“Yes yes whatever he needs I don´t care about the cost. Has Jun Qing eaten or drunk anything since I left?”
“Only some tea, the same leaves as always from a shipment we have been using for quite some days already, this old slave personally sampled it before serving-”
Jing Shao silences the old steward with an impatient wave of his hand. Poison was always a possibility when there was a sudden onset of illness, but something that severe would be something that the well-trained imperial doctors could detect at a glance...and a poison that was severe enough to cause the symptoms his steward has been describing would usually kill quickly. But it had been a while since their panicking little servant had come to find him and going by the frantic bustle going on around him his Jun Qing must still be alive. He had to be. There was no other alternative that Jing Shao was going to allow.
He ruthlessly pushes down the panic rising in his own throat as he enters their inner courtyard, his eyes fixedly staring at the open doorway to their bedroom. He wants nothing more than to run in there and throw himself at his Jun Qing´s feet, begging whoever might be listening to spare his life, to take whatever it needs to make him whole and healthy again...but he knows he would only be doing him a disservice by breaking down himself. A household is only ever as strong as the person who leads it and right now, his Jun Qing needed him to be strong and level headed and keep everybody else in check too, so he can get all the care he would ever need to be healthy again. It still takes nearly everything he has to not immediately rush in and gather the person laying on their bed in his arms and refusing to let go when he sees him, propped up in bed like a dead thing and being swarmed by attendants and doctors. Mu Hanzhang´s face is deathly pale aside from two bright, burning red spots high on his cheek bones and even from the doorway Jing Shao can hear him struggling to breathe.
“Physician Mu. What is wrong with him?”
The attending doctor takes a little step to the side, sketching a bow that gets ignored by Jing Shao who has only eyes for his Jun Qing right now, slowly stroking his beard in contemplation before answering.
“I do not know yet. His fever is high and his pulse in disarray and his chest seems to have been compressed somehow, yet I cannot find any sign of injury or congestion. Your steward told me there had been no sign of anything amiss before the Cheng Wang Fei broke down?”
Jing Shao nods absentmindedly, his whole focus on the person he loves more than life itself while sitting on the edge of the bed to reach for his beloved Ju Qing´s wrist. His pulse is skittish, too fast and stumbling like a horse that has been run into the ground and is on the verge of collapse, his skin as hot as coals and dry to the touch.
“He was fine when I left shortly after dinner, he didn't eat or drink anything that I haven´t partaken in either and he has shown no sign of discomfort or sickness.”
The doctor hums softly, pulling his beard a little in indecision before reaching for Mu Hanzhang´s pulse again, more to have anything to do with his hands than in the hopes of reaching any new conclusions. There is no sign of injury on the Cheng Wang Fei´s body, no sign of poison or sickness aside from the fact that he seems to be dying but the doctor can find no reason as to -why-.
“ This humble one is only a nobody without talent. I have asked my esteemed brothers from the imperial academy to assist, assuming Chen Wang´s permission to do so. Hopefully they will have an insight as to what ails the Cheng Wang Fei. In the meantime I have called for some strengthening and cooling medicines to be prepared to at least alleviate some of the symptoms.”
The doctor is trying very hard to sound professional but Jing Shao can hear the worry in his voice anyway. Worry and fear how the mighty Cheng Wang might react if he should fail in his task to save his beloved Cheng Wang Fei but Jing Shao has no time to deal with the man's insecurities now. Snapping and raging at him about his incompetence would do nothing for his Jun Qing but make the man even more indecisive in fear of doing something wrong and so he swallows all the hurtful things he wants to say just to lash out and alleviate some of his own fears, opting instead to just hum in approval before carefully climbing onto the bed. He doesn't care that he is breaking every rule there ever was about propriety in front of outsiders as he gathers his Jun Qing into his arms, sliding behind him to prop him up so breathing would be a little bit easier and the doctor is clever enough to keep his comments to himself. After all, after all their years of marriage, it is hardly a secret how much the Prince's dotes on his beloved Mu Hanzhang.
Jing Shao silently reaches for one of the cold towels that have just been brought by a little servant, carefully wrapping one around his Jun Qing´s neck while using the other to softly wipe his face. Mu Hanzhang´s body is limp in his arms, heavy and lifeless and burning with fever and all Jing Shao wants to do is wail and cry and beg for him to wake up again, to look at him and kiss him and smile at him...but all he can do at the moment is sit tight and endure, keep him as comfortable as possible and hope that all the learned, high and mighty imperial physicians will find a way to cure him.
---~ ~---
All through the night and late into the next morning the Prince's estate resembles nothing more than an anthill that has been poked by a stick, with physicians hurrying about with frazzled beards and servants being run ragged with cries for water and medicine. They procure concoction after concoction, personally fed to Mu Hanzhang spoonful by spoonful by Jing Shao himself. They prick him with needles and slather him with pomades and salves and tinctures until the Prince finally loses his patience, throwing everyone out and exiling them to the courtyard while he himself is the only one staying with his Jun Qing for now.
Nothing they did had any kind of effect.
The love of his life is still unconscious, a limp unmoving weight in Jing Shao´s arms, burning with a fever so high the doctors had requested precious ice from the royal cellars themselves to help cool him down. His breathing comes in big, stuttering and gasping breaths, uneven and painful sounding as if he is drowning on dry land and not a single one of all those learned men had been able to tell him what was wrong in the first place.
Finally alone for the first time in hours, Jing Shao does allow himself a moment of weakness, pulling his Jun Qing close and burrowing his face into the crook of his neck, tears burning hotly behind his tightly closed lids. He doesn't even smell like his Jun Qing anymore, his skin thick with the stench of medicine and fever. His breath is coming slow and heavy, the rise and fall of his chest erratic and uneven and every pause makes Jing Shao´s fear flare up, hot and unbearable until it finally moves again, labored and heaving. There is a wetness to his breaths, a weird sucking sound as if he was drowning on dry land but the doctors had been unable to find the cause for it.
Jing Shao abruptly sits up, his eyes going wide with sudden realization and his tears forgotten for the moment. As if he is drowning on dry land...as if he is drowning in his own blood! Ever since he had stormed into their bedroom and had him seen laying on their bed he hadn't been able to shake the feeling that this situation was familiar, that he had held him like this before, gasping and fading away right in front of his eyes without anything Jing Shao had been able to do about it.
“...Steward!”
The door to their bedchamber immediately opens, the old man hurrying inside quickly while trying to hide the rising worry in his eyes when he sees his Prince´s state.
“How might this old slave-”
“When did these symptoms start? Tell me exactly!”
The old man stops for a while, contemplating before answering.
“Halfway through You shi hour, your Highness, we had just started to prepare for dinner and-”
“Remind me again what day it is today.”
“...answering Wang Ye, today is the fifth day of the first month of the twenty-fourth year of Hong Zheng.”
There is confusion in the steward's old voice but Jing Shao simply waves him away again, ignoring the old man´s worried look in favor of concentrating on his Cheng Wang Fei, tenderly pushing sweat soaked bangs back from his Jun Qing´s forehead. The fifth day of the first month and they had already passed midday...which meant that the symptoms had started on the fourth day of the first month. Which had been exactly the day when he and his Jun Qing had escaped from prison a lifetime ago, when Jing Shao had still been a sheming idiot and Mu Hanzhang nothing more than a scorned male wife. And about halfway through You shi hour had been exactly when that same scorned wife had forfeited his life, blocking an attack for him and injuring himself fatally in the process.
It had been ten years already since he had woken up in their wedding bed, a hurt and suspicious Mu Hanzhang sleeping next to him, being granted a second chance at life by whatever God might have watched him that day. It had been so long that he had nearly forgotten about the fact that there was more to them than met the eye, that this was his chance at doing justice to the only person who had stood by his side that time so long ago after everybody else has abandoned him and who he had come to love more than life itself.
The wave of pain hits Jing Shao unprepared, a half broken sob escaping his throat as he pulls his Jun Qing even tighter into his arms and burrows his face into sweaty hair. The Gods very rarely were truly benevolent and he had always wondered how exactly he had been deemed worthy enough to actually deserve this second chance he had gotten...but it seemed that the payment was finally due.
“ Should’ve gotten life right the first time. Then you would not have to suffer for my idiocy twice...”
There is no answer forthcoming of course, his Jung Qing is nothing more than a dead weight in his arms, burning with fever and gasping for air. And finally, even Prince Chen Wang´s composure runs out and he burrows his face in the crook of his beloved Jun Qing´s neck, weeping as if he had already lost him a second time.
---~ ~---
At some point after, Jing Shao must have fallen asleep, waking to old hands gently wiping his face with a wet cloth and staring at old Steward Yun in confusion before he remembers what has happened again.
“Begging the Prince´s pardon, the night has already passed and the doctors will be here soon, Prince. May this old slave prepare you some breakfast? Some tea at least?”
The old man´s voice is gentle, reaching for his Prince´s hands to clean them too as if he was the one currently sick and unable to care for himself. Jing Shao is too tired and exhausted to admonish him for this break of protocol, mutely denying anything to eat but accepting a cup of tea. His chest feels hollow, as if his heart had been pulled out by forces unseen, numbing his whole body and making him apathetic. If this is the God´s price for his second chance then nothing the mortals can do would make any difference and the only thing he can do is wait. And so he does, only leaving his Jun Qing´s side if nature calls for it, an unmovable object next to his beloved Cheng Wang Fei´s side for the rest of the time.
---~ ~---
The first and second day Mu Hanzhang burns high with fever, his cheeks sunken and his body blazing, no matter how much ice they pile on him. By the third day the fever has finally gone down only to make room for a deadly chill instead, creeping into Mu Hanzhang´s limbs and body, turning them pale and blue and as fragile as ice. In their desperation their doctors turn their bedroom into a furnace, placing brazier after brazier and dousing his poor Jun Qing in ginger soup and warming concoctions. And just as before, no matter what they do, nothing changes. Mu Hanzhang stays unmoving and as cold as a corpse, with the only sign that he is still on the living side of Naihe bridge being his slow, labored breaths.
---~ ~---
By day five his health seems to be changing for the better, the faintest shimmer of hope rising in the eyes of their servants. There is color to his cheeks now and his body seems to have perked up a little...but instead of sharing into the cautious relief of their attending doctors Jing Shao can only feel deep, throat clenching panic settle in his chest. He has seen this before too, the last “Radiance of the Setting Sun” coloring formerly pale cheeks treacherously rosy just minutes before Mu Hanzhang had taken his final breath without even having been able to properly express his resentment towards him.
It is the first time in five days that Prince Cheng Wang leaves his beloved wife´s bedroom, startling their fretting servants into a frenzy but simply waving them away as if they were nothing but annoying flies. Only old Steward Yun is brave enough to face his Prince´s seeming insanity, silently following after him on his old, bent legs.
Everybody but the doctors had been banned from the Prince's bedroom but he knew enough to know that Cheng Wang Fei´s health had not recovered in the least. Nothing had been able to remove their Prince from his beloved wife´s side, not even an imperial summon that had come after the Emperor had heard of what had happened. He had simply instructed the doctors to send a note that he didn't dare endanger the most Elated One´s Dragon Body with his presence as they still had not determined the cause of his Wang Fei´s illness and it might be contagious and had simply ignored everything else. For him to leave his beloved Jun Qing´s side suddenly like this did not bode well...especially when the Steward realizes where it is that their Prince is hurrying to.
The old man's face turns white with fright and he quickly sidesteps into a small corridor, grabbing a servant child that had been hurrying past him by the arm.
“Go find Yun Zhu, immediately. Tell him I said to enter our Master's bedroom and to take out everything sharp and every long piece of silk he can find and to do so quickly. If the Cheng Wang Fei dies…”
He does not finish his sentence but the child seems to know what he means anyway, his eyes wide with fear as he nods his understanding and runs off to find Yun Zhu. If the Cheng Wang Fei died there was a good chance they would have to bury two bodies in the morning, not just one. The Steward sighs, allowing himself a small moment of weakness to wipe the sudden tears from his old eyes before hurrying back to where his Prince has gone. He does not dare to enter the Ancestral Hall, kneeling close to the door instead so he would be able to hear if he called for anything. The Prince had not entered the hall to pray for anything aside from occasions that were dictated by filial piety for years now. He had never been one to put his fate into the hands of the ancestors or the Gods...that he chose to do so at this time did not bode well at all.
Inside, Jing Shao stands frozen in front of rows and rows of ancestral tablets, the statue of the Guanyin shadowing them more imposing than soothing to his eyes and the smell of incense heavy in the air. He doesn't even know why he had come here, if there had been any goodwill towards him from whatever Gods there were he must have used it all up in getting this second chance. But he is also desperate and out of options and so, for the first time in years, Prince Cheng Wang Jing Shao falls to his knees in true humility, begging and praying for the Gods to show mercy just one more time and leave him his heart, his tears soaking the dry wood until there are no more left to cry.
When he finally stumbles back out of the Hall after what had seemed like hours to his worried Steward he trips over the threshold, stumbling and exhausted and his face still streaked with tears. If not for old Yun´s quick reaction he would have fallen and even so they wobble precariously for a moment, the old man hardly able to hold up his Prince's body
“Yun-bobo…”
Old Steward Yun can feel his heart contract in sudden pain, instinctively reaching out to pat his little Prince´s arm. The Prince's parents had always been busy when he was small, his raising mostly left to wetnurses and servants who had been hard pressed to contain the little whirlwind that he was. There had been many scratched knees and bloody noses that needed tending to and many a childhood woe that needed comforting. It had mostly been old Steward Yun who had been responsible for the occasional lecture on propriety and proper behaviour...but it had also mostly been him to soothe any woe that might have befallen their little Prince. And some things not even time could change.The old man smiles softly, lifting up his sleeve to wipe the tears off his face with the utmost care as if his Prince was still just a child clinging to his shirttails and following him around like a lost puppy.
“ The Gods will often show mercy when we least expect it my Prince...and how could he succumb with his heart still firmly tethered to the living world?”
Jing Shao stares at him for a moment before he gently squeezes the gnarly arm still gently holding him upright, the barest hint of a smile that does not reach his eyes flickering across his face.
“Ah old Yun...you have always been a wise man. Let's hope your wisdom rings true this time too.”
With that Jing Shao let´s go off his old Steward´s arm, slowly walking back towards the inner courtyard with his shoulders bent and his steps heavy as if carrying the pain of two lifetimes on his shoulders. Old Yun watches him for a while, hurting and helpless; if a life was what the Gods demanded in exchange for Mu Hanzhang´s life he would gladly give it, if only to never see that look of forlorn pain on his Prince's face again. But the Gods rarely talk to old, tottering servants, and his old used up life could surely not be worth as much as the Cheng Wang Fei´s anyway. There was nothing else he could still do with his old frail body than stand behind his Prince as he had done for so many years already.
---~ ~---
On the sixth day the doctors withdraw, the head physician kowtowing deeply before his Prince, lamenting his incompetence. They do not know what has caused the Cheng Wang Fei´s illness and they do not know how to treat it. Aside from continuing to feed him strengthening tonics there is nothing they can do. Jing Shao barely pays attention to him, cradling the fading body in his arms even closer before sending him away again with a disinterested wave of his hand.
There has been no change to Jun Qing´s state.
Their life lies solely in the hands of the Gods now.
---~ ~---
On the morning of the seventh day snow has started to fall, muting the sounds of the outside world and blanketing everything in thick sheets of white. Jing Shao wakes up slowly, his thoughts muddled with the remnants of his dreams clinging to him and with days of exhaustion and negligence. He had slumped over sometimes during the night, coming to rest with his head pressed tightly against his Jun Qing´s waist, his arms wrapped securely around his middle. He can hear the servants bustling around outside, hushed and busy as they prepare for another day of what had essentially become a wake for a still living body, the Prince's estate nothing more than an elaborate tomb for two.
But their soft footsteps hadn't been what had woken up Jing Shao.
He has woken up because someone is stroking his head, soft and gentle and so unbearably familiar that even the slight sensation of elegant fingers carding through his hair can make his throat tight with sudden tears. There is nobody in the room but him and the one he is curled up against, nobody else but the slowly dying body of his beloved Jun Qing...and yet, there are gentle hands, softly stroking and caressing, patient and pleasing.
“..A-Qing?”
Jing Shao´s voice is muffled, pressed against his Jun Qing´s side as he is, high with fear but he does not dare to lift his head just yet, scared to death that it might just be an illusion, a waking dream thrust upon him by his bleeding heart. He had already lost hope at this point, resigned to spend his last few days on this earth clinging to the fading body of the one he loved before following him on the inevitable journey to the underworld. And yet, the body underneath him is warm and yielding and full of life, the previously fading heartbeat strong and sure again instead of gone completely and hope is rising in Jing Shao´s throat, undeniable and powerful.
“Yes my love.”
Mu Hanzhang´s voice is tired but clear, his chest moving slowly and easily underneath Jing Shao´s trembling hands and he can't help but press a sob into his side, sudden and painful and full of relief. All the pain and heartbreak of the last few days suddenly break free, Jing Shao sobbing helplessly into his beloved Jun Qing´s robes until the fabric is drenched with them. The hands in his hair continue to pet him until he has calmed down a little bit again, patiently waiting when Jing Shao is still refusing to lift his head, grabbing for Mu Hanzhang´s other hand instead and pressing his tear streaked face into the warm palm.
“On the seventh day the dead may return to visit their bodies...I remember now. That day in the snow. And everything that came before.”
His Jun Qing´s voice is gentle, without reproach or accusation and still Jing Shao can´t help but curl up in shame against his side.
“I am sorry..”
Mu Hanzhang makes a soft noise deep in his throat, finally fed up with his husband´s effort of trying to hide himself by crawling right underneath his skin and gently pulling him up so he can look at him. Jing Shao´s eyes are red, the exhaustion of the last few days clearly visible on him, with his cheeks deeply sunken and the shadows under his eyes the dark greenish-blue of fatigue caused by heartache. Jing Shao is suddenly afraid, afraid of what might happen now that his Jun Qing knows the truth. He had never dared to tell him about how he had mistreated him in their first lifetime, opting to instead silently atone by himself. But there is nothing but gentle love in Mu Hanzhang´s eyes as he pulls him close to gently kiss his lips, wiping away the tears on his face with his thumb.
“Don't be. What wrong you might have done upon me in our first lifetime you have more than twice made up for in this. I carry no resentment. I am only happy to have been allowed back to your side.”
“I would have followed you..”
Jing Shao´s small yelp of pain is completely involuntary, his hand automatically going up to rub at the spot Mu Hanzhang has just swatted at with a thin hand to discipline his silly husband.
“Don´t talk nonsense now. If you had followed me where would I have gotten to return to? And even if you had found me in the netherworld, with your sense of direction we would have probably ended up being reincarnated as some kind of bug. Or eaten by whatever kind of hellbeast we might have encountered.”
Mu Hanzhang´s voice is so beautifully scandalized that Jing Shao can´t help but laugh, the sound strange and alien in the room that had barely been more than a tomb housing two still breathing bodies just a few hours before. If someone had told him that he would be glad one day to be scolded by his Jun Qing he would have called them out for the fools they were...and yet, at this moment he cannot think of anything better than his beloved Jun Qing´s teasing smile and gentle hands.
And then it is Mu Hanzhang´s turn to give a surprised little yelp as he gets pulled into Jing Shao´s arms, the kiss they share full of relief and comfort and love, erasing even the last bits of dread that had still be lingering in Jing Shao´s heart. His Jun Qing still tastes like medicine but that underlying smell of sickness and decay has finally left his skin, leaving him tired and exhausted but healthy, his breath easy and light and his body just as warm as Jing Shao´s own, comfortable and familiar and oh so beloved.
Maybe the Gods could be truly merciful after all.