Archive of Our Own

Katsuki’s chest heaved up and down at a rapid pace, his mind fogged with unwanted memories. He didn’t think twice before turning on the light, letting the darkness leave his room. With a pair of wide eyes, he looked over the familiar surroundings, mentally trying to convince himself that he was safe. It was easier said than done, though. He rubbed his forehead just before gripping his hair tightly—he desperately needed to focus, desperately needed to come back to reality and not let those memories mess with him anymore.

He had stopped meeting with his therapist, claiming that he absolutely didn’t need it anymore. Katsuki just needed to let it go, and for him, talking to a therapist who did nothing but bring up the past… well it’s safe to say, it didn’t work out for him, in the end. So now, he was back at square one again, dealing with nightmares. It wasn’t every night, thankfully. But still, they tortured him whenever they did show up. He hadn't even bothered to tell anyone about it. Why would he even tell anyone to begin with? He was fine—for the most part, anyway—and didn’t need help from anyone. Not a single soul.

Katsuki dragged himself out of bed and got ready for a run to clear his head. Would he be breaking school rules? Yes, but it wasn’t the first time, so he really couldn’t give a fuck, and besides, it was just a run, and so it wasn’t a big deal, anyway.

The cold air hit him directly in the face as soon as he set his foot outside. Katsuki breathed in the air, letting it fill up his lungs as he got used to the cold. It was nice, refreshing as if he wasn’t suffocating anymore. Katsuki felt like he could finally breathe again.

He started out steadily after stretching, hearing his heartbeat slowly picking up the pace. Despite the cold air invading through his thin clothing, Katsuki kept running faster and faster until he stood with his hands on his knees, gasping for air. He dried the sweat off his forehead, small embers of fire appearing in the palm of his hand. Like every other night, Katsuki created small fireworks to brighten up his mood—another one of his ways to escape reality and forget about the terrors haunting him. Was it healthy? Probably not, but it didn't matter.

After a limited break, Katsuki ran a little more before deciding to head back to the dorms. His run wasn’t as satisfying as he would have liked it to be. Images still invaded his mind, controlling him from the inside. But it was better than not being able to breathe.

One thing Katsuki had grown to enjoy during his hot, 3 am showers was how quiet it was. Yes, even Katsuki loved some peace and quiet in his life. Most importantly, nobody would be able to disturb him or ask him stupid questions about his hair regarding its “poofness”. Annoyingly enough, that seemed to be the hot topic among his classmates every time he had taken a shower. Did his hair really always look like an explosion, or was it because of an unhealthy amount of hair gel?

Dragging himself down the hallway towards the showers, Katsuki felt his hair spike. He stopped in his tracks, brows furrowing at the sight before him. Light from the showers lit up the hallway and someone was in there, humming softly to themselves. Whoever was in there had a really nice voice. It was deep and smooth, but then again; it had a raspy undertone that Katsuki just couldn’t help but notice.

“Fuck it,” he grumbled under his breath, entering the showers without a care in the world. The nice humming stopped immediately, only leaving the sound of the running water.

The showers were separate, meaning you had a shower stall to yourself. That had been one of Katsuki’s favourite things about moving into the dorms. Again, nobody could really disturb him because there was more than one shower. He could take his sweet time, relaxing under the warm water, not caring about anything. Katsuki saw the showers as a way to relax his muscles and let his face fall into a neutral expression.

Right now, however, that wasn’t the case. Suddenly, Katsuki was highly aware of the person taking a shower along with him. He couldn’t get himself to relax. His thoughts were racing. Who the hell would shower at this hour? Katsuki had never encountered someone else taking a shower in the middle of the night before now.

He lost his train of thought when the water from a few stalls away stopped running. Katsuki tried to focus on relaxing and not care about who was almost right next to him. It could be Mineta for all he knew. But he was hyper aware of every sound, every movement and the pounding of his own heart, breath turning shallow in a second.

He switched the water from warm to cold. Here he was again, in the need to be grounded, in the need of snapping out of his thoughts. Nothing seemed to help, especially not when the stall opened and a stranger’s footsteps slowly drew closer. In a moment of panic, Katsuki turned off the water and threw a towel around his waist. He opened the door, suddenly struck with fear. He didn’t hesitate to grab onto the dark blue shirt belonging to the intruder. There was a quick gasp, then a groan of pain when Katsuki threw them up against the wall.

“Oi!” Was the only thing his mind could say. His hands were shaking, breaths leaving his lips at a far too fast pace.

“Bakugo.” There it was. The deep, smooth voice with a raspy undertone. He was met with a pair of heterochromic eyes, staring right into his.

“Todoroki,” he said in a whisper. Katsuki wasn’t even aware that he had addressed him by his name. It all happened so fast, all of it. He hadn’t even realised that it wasn’t an intruder before Shoto snapped him out of his fucking nightmare. But he didn't pull away. Instead, he fisted the dark blue shirt tighter in his grasp, eyes burning with newfound rage.

A chilly breath fanned over his face, another one of Shoto’s tricks with his stupid Quirk. “As nice as this is, Bakugo, I would much rather appreciate it if you could let go now.”

Katsuki didn’t listen. “What the fuck are you doing here?” He sneered.

Shoto blinked, suddenly looking as innocent as ever. God, Katsuki hated those eyes and how stupid they looked, shining like that. “Um, showering. The same as you.” His eyes danced over Katsuki’s naked torso as water dripped from his wet hair, landing on Katsuki’s fingers, a familiar look appearing in his eyes.

“You fucker,” Katsuki muttered. “Quit checking me out, will you?

He tore himself away from the guy in front of him, entering the shower again to get dressed. Why hadn’t his heart calmed down yet? Why was it still beating like he would die of a heart attack any minute? Katsuki tried to sooth his nerves, getting dressed as fast as he possibly could. When he finished, he found Shoto in front of the giant mirror, drying his hair with a towel.

Their eyes met briefly before Shoto turned his focus back to the task at hand. Katsuki couldn’t help but notice how small that shirt was. It was a bit too short, so when Shoto stretched his arms, his lower stomach was exposed. He wore that ugly shirt too often in Katsuki’s opinion.

“Quit checking me out, will you?” Katsuki’s mouth opened, getting ready to scream Shoto’s ears off. However, before he even got the chance, Shoto put a finger in front of his lips. “It’s in the middle of the night. Don’t want to get in trouble.”

Clenching his fists, Katsuki started to dry his own hair, rougher than usual. But it was all his fault. Fucking Icy-Hot. He made Katsuki’s blood boil just by the way he looked at him. Not to mention the way his shirt exposed a part of his lower stomach, all perfect and ripped like a Greek god or something. It pissed him the hell off!

“You’re doing it again,” Shoto said, his eyes not looking in Katsuki’s direction. Katsuki lost it. He threw the towel onto the floor, and turned towards Shoto, taking a few steps forward.

“What the fuck are you on about?” He hissed.

“Nothing, just stating the facts.” Something Katsuki had grown to hate over the years was how Shoto talked back. He never did that. He never cared about anything other than cold soba and how the temperature had to be perfect. God, Katsuki remembered all the times where Shoto had pouted like a child when the temperature wasn’t satisfying enough.

“What facts, you Ice cube?”

Shoto shrugged. He fucking shrugged. Katsuki saw red. He stormed towards him and forced Shoto up against the wall with little to no space between them. The fact that Shoto still fucking looked down on him made new fire explode inside him. It made Katsuki feel so incredibly small, like Shoto suddenly owned him.

“Be careful. Someone could walk in,” Shoto muttered, eyes glancing over at the shut door.

“Does it look like I give a fuck?” Katsuki sneered as their eyes met again.

“Honestly, no,” Shoto said. Then in a whisper. “You never did.” The eye contact between them slowly got more and more intense. None of them looked away. Yes, this was, in fact, a fucking staring contest. Katsuki would not be the one to look away first. He wouldn’t let Shoto have another victory. The difference in their heights was enough.

As the silence stretched out between them, a knowing look somehow made its way onto Shoto’s face. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Katsuki said, anger clear in his eyes.

Shoto’s soft lips tugged upwards. “I’m simply waiting, Katsuki.”

His eyes widened, all anger vanishing for a moment. His lips parted with surprise, his mind turning blank. The way Shoto said his name shouldn’t have made his brain short circuit, but it happened. Katsuki was speechless, and he absolutely hated himself for it. It had been so long since he heard his name fall from those lips.

The slight smirk on Shoto’s lips grew larger. God, Katsuki hated those stupid lips and that stupid mouth, always talking shit, always making Katsuki’s blood boil. “You need to shut the hell up.” He finally recovered, eyes focused, gaze intense and glaring. “That stupid mouth of yours is always talking shit.”

“And what are you going to do, blow up my face?” That was it. Katsuki officially reached his limit of how much he could take. The mocking undertone in Shoto’s voice was definitely unlike him. It was different and worst of all, it was fucking attractive. Even Katsuki could see that. No wonder all the girls were so obsessed, but little did they know.

“I can and I will,” Katsuki threatened, leaning closer, eyes darkening in hope to get another reaction out of him.

“Interesting,” Shoto answered. “From the way you’re leaning closer, I would say you’re about to kiss me.” This time Katsuki didn’t even blink. Shoto’s eyes had transformed into something darker, hungrier. He had tipped his head a little lower, so their lips almost touched.

Katsuki opened his mouth. “Is that a challenge?”

“Do you want it to be?”

“Maybe,” he whispered, eyes narrowing to examine the expression on Shoto’s face. But nothing changed, as in nothing at all.

“Okay.”

“I’m going to kiss you now.” Katsuki stated, his voice almost inaudible. Still nothing. 

Shoto still looked calm and collected, as always. But his eyes darkened revealed a glint of something, something that caused Katsuki’s insides to burst up in flames. He felt extremely hot all of a sudden. Fuck, he hated himself for even having a reaction when Shoto obviously didn’t. It had always been like this. 

“Go on, Katsuki. See where it gets you.”

“You fucker,” he hissed. He grabbed the back of Shoto’s head, fingers tangling in his hair as their lips met in a feverish kiss. Shoto welcomed the kiss, opening his mouth for more almost immediately. Katsuki groaned, despite his intentions not to, and pressed himself harder against the muscular body standing before him.

His mind wasn’t working. No, he wasn’t processing what the hell was going on, but he wasn’t going to stop. The way Shoto’s tongue felt against his was a pleasurable distraction from everything that had been going on earlier. Katsuki was desperate to forget about his nightmare, and Shoto could help him and still be satisfied. Basically, a win-win situation.

“Hah!” Shoto suddenly gasped against Katsuki’s mouth. “Still not afraid of someone coming in here?”

“Just shut up for a second...” Katsuki said—pleaded. The tone of his voice didn’t sound bitter in the slightest. His demand came out softly. Shoto took notice of the change in Katsuki’s voice in an instant, but said nothing. Katsuki didn’t care anymore. Fuck his nightmares and fuck this shitty attraction he felt towards Shoto right now.

Their mouths connected over and over again, tongues touching, caressing each other. Katsuki brought Shoto closer by the hips. He needed to know that he was still there, that he was real . As his grip tightened, he heard Shoto gasp against his mouth. But it wasn’t enough. He needed more! He needed the terrors haunting him at night to vanish. Katsuki hated being controlled, so he sure as hell wouldn’t allow these nightmares to do exactly that. 

His breathing grew heavier, the palms of his hands getting warmer when Shoto started to touch him, to feel up his muscular arms. The familiarity in his touch soothed some of Katsuki’s worries. It felt so good to fall back into old habits like these no matter how damaging they were. Katsuki would never in his life admit how good it felt to be touched like this again by him. He loved the sudden warmth on his skin; he loved Shoto’s mouth on his. That warmth, however, turned cold the second Shoto’s fingers touched the hair closest to his neck.

None of the them registered what happened. The only thing entering Katsuki’s mind was fear in its true form—raw and fucking consuming. He shoved Shoto hard against the wall while pushing himself away as far as he could, mind clouded once more, like a dark veil covering his vision. He was gasping for air, doing everything he could not to drop to his knees. He didn’t dare to even take a peek up at Shoto, who watched him with a guarded expression.

As the silence and Katsuki’s heavy breathing filled the bathroom, Shoto took a step forward, testing his boundaries. But the second he moved, Katsuki took a step back, still not meeting his eyes. He was well aware that Shoto would never hurt him—not seriously anyway—but he couldn’t let him get so close. Not now. Not when everything was so messed up in Katsuki’s mind, not when he struggled to figure out what was real and what was fake. That was why he broke things off in the first place. He simply couldn’t allow anyone to get close to him now. He couldn’t let anyone in, and he wasn’t going to.

“Bakugo—”

“Don’t.” Katsuki hated how weak his voice sounded, like he would fall apart completely. His body was tired, his mind? Fucking exhausted. He turned around, eyes trained to the floor. “If you tell anyone about this… I’ll kill you.” He wanted to sound threatening, but his words had absolutely no bite—he sounded fucking pathetic. Katsuki left the bathroom without another word, tired and defeated.

For the next couple of days, Katsuki tried to avoid Shoto at all costs. He did everything he could to be as far away from him as humanly possible. It wasn’t that hard to begin with, but the thought alone was enough to act. He would purposely enter class just as the bell rang, eat his lunch either somewhere that wasn’t the cafeteria or with Kirishima far away from everyone else. Lastly, he would spend all his free time in his room and take a bite to eat after everyone had gone to bed. 

Was this unnecessary as hell? Yeah, and Katsuki knew that, but he couldn’t risk anyone knowing how he wasn’t okay. Everyone around him, including his parents and teachers, thought he was doing well, and he sure as hell wasn’t about to open up to fucking Halfie just because he had caught Katsuki vulnerable one night, and used the opportunity to have his tongue down his fucking throat.

And it was exactly because of this vulnerability that he couldn’t afford to get close to fucking Halfie who had made him feel terrifying things, terrifying tingles and sensations. The control Katsuki loved so much and had such a hard time letting go of was stripped away from him the second Shoto started with his fucking bullshit—before he knew it they were kissing, and he couldn’t let that shit happen ever again.

And now, as he sat with Kirishima during lunch, his gaze couldn’t help but wander over to the guy with bicoloured hair and eyes. A soft smile was on his lips as he listened to Deku talking about whatever nerdy shit that was trending at the moment. God, that fucking smile made Katsuki’s insides melt.

Even though everyone else found it torturing to listen to Deku, Halfie appeared interested. Not once did a bored look make its way to his face. Half-and-half sat, nodding his head every now and then, his lips tugging upwards at the nerd’s excitement. Those lips had kissed Katsuki—the blond instantly shook his head at the sudden thought, scolding himself for even thinking about it.

“Oi, Bakugo!” Katsuki’s grip tightened around his chopsticks, glancing up at his best friend, fire burning in his eyes. “You spaced out again. What’s on your mind?” The innocent gleam in Kirishima’s eyes somehow made Katsuki even more pissed than he already was. These last few days had been nothing but shit—hell, the last few weeks had been shit.

“What? Is it impossible for me to be quiet without a reason?”

“Yes, that’s literally why I ask you what’s going on?” The chopsticks in Katsuki’s hand were so close to snapping. He could feel his hands shaking, his leg bouncing. He was so damn tired and angry.

“Nothing’s going on . Leave me the hell alone!” He hissed through gritted teeth, and now Kirishima looked more concerned than Katsuki had ever seen him.

He felt his stomach do an uncomfortable twist. Instead of facing what was in front of him (a concerned friend), Katsuki’s gaze landed on his bento. He had barely taken a bite.

“If you say so,” the red head replied in a mumble, focusing on his own lunch. Katsuki felt like an idiot. “I’m here if you need me.”

“I know.” Were the only two words his brain could make up. “Thanks,” he grumbled.

The blond truly did care for Kirishima, and that stupid red head knew him better than anyone else. Even though Katsuki had never said it out loud, he appreciated Kirishima’s friendship more than anything else.

“Is it something at home?”

Katsuki sighed. “No.” Kirishima nodded again. “You need to stop worrying so much.”

Kirishima gave him a small smile. “You know I can’t do that.” Katsuki shoved him to the side, a squeak emerging from the back of Kirishima’s throat. Katsuki had a smile on his own, covering it up with his palm. “But seriously, I’m here.”

Katsuki resisted the urge to shove him again. “Yeah, yeah, don’t get all emotional and shit.”

The two of them chatted for a bit, well, mostly Kirishima since Katsuki never was the biggest fan of small talk. The blond forced himself to eat, not wanting to raise any further suspicion. As expected, everything Katsuki cooked tasted like something beyond the world’s comprehension. If his dream wasn’t becoming a hero, he would definitely open a small restaurant or a school where he could pass on his knowledge and skills to others.

“Oh, did you hear Todoroki apparently spent his whole weekend doing hero work!” Kirishima suddenly said. This whole time Katsuki hadn’t really listened, but this seemed to catch his interest.

Katsuki rolled his eyes, ignoring the way his body reacted to the mention of Halfie’s name. “He's son of the number one hero. What’d you expect? Of course, he gets to do more.”

“But still, I hear it was really tough,” Kirishima continued. “He came back to the dorms at, like, two in the morning or something.” At this, Katsuki stiffened.

“Hm,” he grunted into the palm of his hand. He risked a brief glance towards the other table and almost choked on the air he was breathing when a pair of eyes were already staring at him. 

The expression on Shoto's face was blank, as always, yet his eyes were what forced Katsuki to keep looking. They say the eyes are the window of one’s soul, and for the first time in his life, Katsuki believed them.

Even from afar, he took notice of the determination, the intensity of passion in his eyes. It was terrifying, and another reason why Katsuki had to stay far away from that Half-and-Half monster.

Shoto only broke their eye contact when Deku spoke to him, and the monster gave a small smile, nodding his head. Monster. Halfie was a fucking monster that Katsuki had to stay away from. It wasn’t safe being close to him, to even look at him because somehow he would always lure Katsuki into his trap—just like now. He would enchant him, cast a spell of ice and fire around him, making him unable to move. Terrifying. 

“I’m not going to ask…” Kirishima began. “But you’re frozen again.”

Katsuki’s head snapped towards his friend. “Eh? I’m not frozen!” He yelled. This time, Kirishima just shrugged, finishing his lunch. Just now, Katsuki realised how much he hated whenever someone fucking shrugged.

Thankfully, he finished off the rest of his classes without making a spell-putting eye contact with Shoto, and thankfully, they didn’t get paired up for training either. To say he was fucking relieved was an understatement.

Now standing in the locker room, Katsuki, for once, didn’t pay mind to the surrounding people. He was exhausted, and even when Kirishima offered to wait for him, the blond made it clear that Kirishima should do no such thing. The red head still hesitated, but with enough convincing, he left, providing Katsuki some space. Space he really needed right now. Finally alone, his stiff shoulders relaxed, and he let out a small breath of what felt like freedom. 

But the beloved feeling of freedom vanished again as soon as it appeared. Just like the other night, Katsuki’s senses were spiking. He looked around with frantic eyes. Someone could sneak up on him, take hold of his neck and—

No. 

Katsuki shook his head, eyes clenched shut, the grip on his shirt tightening. “Get the fuck out of my head,” he hissed before sitting down, taking his head in his hands. He was safe here. No one was going to hurt him or take him away. He was safe. Despite that, his breathing was loud in his ears. The room seemed to get smaller and smaller. He was suffocating.

“Bakugo?”

He took a sharp intake of air, his shoulder tense all over again. Fuck no. Why was he here of all fucking people alive?

“The fuck you want, Halfie?” He spat like venom was dripping from his lips. He remained in the same position, umoving. Once again, Shoto managed to cage him in with his enchanting spell. Katsuki froze on the spot.

“Are you okay?” Was all the Shoto asked, placing a hand on Katsuki’s shoulder. The blond jumped up from where he was sitting.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Katsuki’s heart was beating way too fast for his own good. He could already feel himself hyperventilating, losing his precious control. Shallow breaths left his lips and for a split second, he saw a flicker of concern flash over Shoto’s features. Gritting his teeth, Katsuki turned away from him.

“Sitting down helps,” Shoto whispered. Katsuki stopped breathing all together. “Having something to hold on to and taking deep breaths help, too. You know this.”

“Fuck off.” And even though Katsuki’s words sounded deadly, he sat down, slowly reaching for his shirt again. He had to get out of here for two reasons. One, he didn’t want Halfie to see him have a fucking panic attack—that shit was only allowed to happen at night, when he knew everyone else was asleep. Two, he might make the same mistake, and kiss him simply because it made him feel something other than fear and panic.

Sighing, Shoto didn’t listen—when did he ever? He moved cautiously towards Katsuki and sat down. He didn’t even spare the blond a glance. He stared right ahead, rubbing his hands together.

“Quit it.”

Shoto looked over at him, clueless as ever. “Quit what?” His eyes were big, eyebrows slightly raised in question.

Katsuki peeked at him from the corner of his eye. “Heating up the room. Fucking quit it.” As if being a robot, Shoto stopped rubbing his hands together, blowing an icy breath, sending shivers down Katsuki’s spine. The blond stilled for a moment, feeling slightly calmer than before. It took him a millisecond to realise the effect it had on his body and mind. Of course, Halfie had to be the one grounding him, helping him from slipping… from falling off the edge completely.

“Better?”

“Fuck off,” Katsuki said with no edge to his voice. “You can leave now.” From the corner of his eye, Katsuki saw the satisfied look on Shoto’s face. His lips tugged upwards, eyes soft with something unknown.

“I still need to get out of my hero costume and shower and then get into my normal clothes—”

“Why the fuck are you telling me?” Katsuki asked, now fully looking at Shoto.

“Oh, Midoriya said, I had to practise my small talk,” he answered as-a-matter-of-factly. “I’m terrible at it, apparently,” he then muttered, furrowing his brows as if thinking really hard about something.

“You fucking suck,” Katsuki agreed, nodding his head—and now, it was as if the previous incident never happened, and he mentally thanked Shoto for not bringing it up, and acting like nothing went down a few minutes ago.

Shoto blinked. “Oh, really? You think so too?”

Katsuki rolled his eyes with a huff. “Stop thinking so hard. I can literally see the steam from your ears.” Shoto's hands instantly covered his ears, then blew out a breath, the temperature of the room slightly rising.

“Sorry about that,” he said, biting his lip. 

Silence.

The two of them sat in a silence that slowly turned agonising. Shoto started fidgeting with his fingers, appearing troubled all of a sudden. A deep frown made its way onto his face, yet he said nothing.

As for Katsuki, who got annoyed by the fidgeting, felt like dying. The last thing he wanted was to be sitting here, in the fucking locker room, with Halfie, who just kept on with his stupid fidgeting.

“Okay, if you don’t stop that right now, I’ll break your fingers!” Katsuki declared.

“Sorry,” the puppy repeated.

“Eh? Did you brain short circuit or something?”

Shoto glanced up at him, blinking, and only then, Katsuki noticed the length of his eyelashes. “No, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I got that the first time, Halfie.” 

“No,” Shoto said, eyes focused and almost intimidating. “You don’t get it. I’m sorry for the other night. I shouldn’t have provoked you… or kissed you.” The last part of his sentence became inaudible. “I was angry and exhausted.”

Katsuki sucked in a sharp breath, heart beating faster. Shoto sat still and observed him, his gaze unwavering. Once again, his gaze held incredible determination and passion, which somehow made Katsuki stop functioning. It was almost scary the way Shoto looked at him now. The passion in his eyes was so unlike him, he appeared ready to do anything in order to earn Katsuki’s forgiveness. A forgiveness he shouldn’t even be asking for, when the truth was right in front of them.

Shoto never used him, Katsuki was the one to use Shoto that night. He was the one to kiss first, to want more. It didn’t matter whether Shoto had provoked him because, at the end of the day, it Katsuki was the one who came onto Shoto when he had mistaken him for an intruder.

Katsuki looked away, the shirt in his hands suddenly very interesting. “Don’t start on that shit,” he said as he stood up to pull the shirt over his head. He had to get out now. Fuck this conversation.

“But—”

“I can’t deal with this fucking shit right now, get it into your skull!” That was the truth right there. His mind would literally overheat if Katsuki as much as thought about his little thing with Shoto. He practically forced himself to not think about that night. He forced himself not to think about the tiny spark of hope in his chest when they kissed. 

“Is it getting bad again?” 

Katsuki slammed the locker door shut. “Fuck off,” he growled, throwing Shoto another one of his threatening glares. 

“Somehow you keep saying that, but I’m sure you don’t really want me to.” Small sparks appeared from Katsuki’s palms. He couldn’t handle this right now. He couldn’t handle the confrontation of his problems when he, himself, hadn’t truly accepted the seriousness of the issue.

“Can’t you just do what you’re being told?” Katsuki shouted, shaking with rage, with fear. 

Why was it Shoto of all people who dared to ask him directly about this shit? He fucking knew it was getting bad again. Even with their time apart, Shoto still knew him better than anybody, better than Kirishima.

“Look, we’re all worried about you,” Shoto suddenly said, caging Katsuki in his little prison. Katsuki remained silent, not willing to process what he had been told just now. No, he wouldn’t believe shit Halfie was telling him. His mouth was always talking shit. “Midoriya, especially.”

Despite his attempt, Katsuki couldn’t stop taking the words to heart. God, he was a fucking weakling these days. He couldn’t keep up his facade anymore. What the hell happened? Oh, yeah, fucking extras broke down the walls surrounding him. Even more terrifying, Shoto seemed to make his way back into his fragile heart.

Katsuki was softly shaking now, and still hadn’t said a single word, still hadn’t moved. He felt sick to his stomach. The room slowly closed in on him again, dizziness overcoming him. Why now? Why was this happening to him again? But before he could react, but legs gave up on him. He landed on his knees, mind still not willing to grasp the situation.

Then, Shoto appeared in front of him, and all Katsuki wanted right now was to feel his touch. He wanted a cold palm against his cheek; he wanted a pair of cold lips covering his own, he just wanted to be held for once in his damn life.

Katsuki was still shaking, tears of frustration flowing down his pale, sunken cheeks. He was so fucking tired. Tired of breathing, tired of nightmares and tired of the fact that Shoto managed to break down the last wall that protected his delicate heart. Maybe he had always felt this way ever since then, but never acknowledged it before now. Despite Katsuki’s wish for Shoto to leave, he never did. He stayed, he fucking stayed… of all people; he chose to stay.

Katsuki gripped his hair to the point where it started to hurt, and hesitantly, Shoto placed a cool hand on his knee. “We’re all here for you, Katsuki,” he said, and that was Katsuki’s last straw. A broken sob escaped his throat, his head falling forward, landing on Shoto's cold shoulder.

The hand on Katsuki’s knee gently made its way over to his back. “I’m going to place my hand on your back, Katsuki,” He spoke out as a soft warning. “Is that okay with you?”

Violently shaking and trying to contain his sobs, Katsuki brought Shoto close. He broke completely once he was in Shoto’s embrace.

“Fuck you,” he spat, but his grip tightened. 

“Okay,” Shoto responded, placing his chin on top of Katsuki’s head.

“F-Fuck you,” Katsuki repeated, gasping for air. “Fucking—”

“Go on,” Shoto softly encouraged, stroking the lower part of Katsuki’s back with his icy fingertips.

“Fucking—I hate you—I hate—” A sob broke him off. “I hate everyone—everyone.”

“That’s understandable,” Shoto agreed, resting his hand on Katsuki’s back. “People can be mean... and cruel.”

Katsuki sniffled. “You’re a monster.”

Shoto took no offense. He was curious now. “What makes you say that?”

“You—fuck you,” Katsuki said, earning a light huff. “You do this. It makes you a monster.”

“Showing kindness makes me a monster?”

“Yes.” Was Katsuki’s strained reply.

Shoto hummed against him just before planting a kiss on top of his head, making him stiffen.

Shoto's breath hitched. “Sorry,” he muttered, debating whether he should move away or not.

“I’m gonna snap your fucking neck if you keep apologising for stupid shit,” Katsuki threatened, but his words had no bite. Shoto hummed again, daring another kiss on top of his head, but he didn't protest, finding comfort in the small touches.

Neither of them spoke of what happened in the locker room. That moment had become something sacred, something to be treasured.

Meanwhile, Shoto, observant as always, started to pay much more attention to the blond who did everything in his power to improve his everyday life. Shoto would often watch Katsuki from afar, watch out for certain triggers, and he soon grew to understand that Katsuki never relaxed unless he stood somewhere with his back covered, somewhere where he could see everything around him. Katsuki wasn’t fond of the dark either, nor was he fond of people touching him without a warning.

And now, he felt a certain responsibility regarding Katsuki. He had let himself open up, and be vulnerable in front of Shoto again, something he didn’t take lightly, considering how stubborn Katsuki could be at times. And seeing Shoto wasn’t good at opening up either, he knew it must have been difficult, if not nearly impossible to let Shoto see how hard he was struggling.

A part of Shoto was beyond grateful by the fact that Katsuki had decided to trust him again, to treasure a secret for him to keep, and not really wanting to admit it, Shoto knew that even though Katsuki had been an idiot and hurt him, he would never be able to move on knowing the blond was still hurting. He was done for, stuck too deep in the quicksand, but somehow, he didn’t mind. 

“Todoroki-kun?” 

“Midoriya,” Shoto greeted, a smile tugging up on his lips. He readjusted the bag on the shoulder, then tried to get his hair out of his eyes.

“Going to visit your mother?” The green-haired boy asked, eyes shining with curiosity.

Shoto nodded. “Yeah.” The smile on his face grew a little larger. “We’ll probably draw again today. I like it,” he added as an afterthought.

Izuku smiled, sweetly and encouragingly as always. “That’s great! You’re really talented.”

“Thank you,” he replied. “I hope she thinks so, too.”

Izuku laughed. “Of course, she does, Todoroki-kun. I’m almost sure of it.”

There was a short hum in response. “Are you here to see All Might?”

The smile on Izuku’s face stiffened, green eyes landing on the ground. Shoto wondered why his best friend had this reaction so suddenly. Izuku gulped, meeting Shoto’s eyes again, who now understood what this was all about.

“Katsuki?” 

“Katsu—yes, I know this isn’t the best time, but I’m really worried about Kacchan,” Izuku said, gulping again as he fidgeted with his hand nervously. “I know you said you would keep an eye out for him, when I’m not around, but I hope I’m not asking too much of you.”

“You’re not.” I care about him too... “I promise. I haven’t really noticed anything other than he’s more snappy than usual.”

“Really? But you’re, like, our little observer, our little stalker,” Izuku exclaimed, but then he saw the expression on Shoto’s face. “I—I mean you draw and watch people all the time so—”

Shoto cracked a smile. “It’s fine, Midoriya I suppose you’re right. Just hadn’t thought of it that way.”

“Oh.” Izuku scratched the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

Shoto shook his head. “You didn’t. Don’t worry.”

Seeing his mother was something Shoto always enjoyed. Their relationship had improved gradually over the years, and Rei had always appreciated her son’s presence, and had been overjoyed whenever Shoto told her about his day.

They never spoke of Enji. That was a line neither were willing to cross. Of course, Shoto knew how his siblings had mentioned their father and Rei had been fine with it. Still, something about Shoto doing the same always made him feel uneasy. No, he wasn’t afraid of the past repeating itself—he didn’t exactly know what it was. But things were fine the way they were, and Shoto didn’t feel the need to change anything. So he didn’t, and some part of him hoped his mother thought the same thing since she never brought it up either.

When he arrived back at the dorms, Shoto was surprised to find the place empty. He hurried to his room, placed his bag on the floor before going downstairs again. It was only when he finally reached the kitchen that the smell of something caught his attention. Whatever it was smelled divine, and he found himself wanting to inhale that delicious smell again and again.

“Wha—oh.”

Upon his entry, Shoto spotted a familiar blond making dinner. His eyes soon landed on the pan that was mildly boiling, the mouthwatering smell coming from it.

“Jesus, you really are a fucking stalker,” Katsuki grunted in annoyance.

“Where is everyone?” Shoto asked, now appearing next to Katsuki. The blond cursed under his breath as he chopped up some vegetables.

“They’re out shopping for Christmas, idiot.”

“Oh,” Shoto answered, eyes never wavering from Katsuki’s hands and the way they worked with the carrot. “Why aren’t you with them?”

“Why aren’t you?” Katsuki fired back.

Shoto hummed. “I visited my mother.”

Katsuki said nothing, but there was a light grunt in response, and for a tiny part of a second, Shoto thought he saw those eyes soften. While Katsuki continued to prepare dinner, Shoto watched him without shame. He watched the way his hands worked, how a frown made its way onto his face whenever he focused intensively on his task.

“Did you want something?”

Shoto blinked. “Ah, no, I was just curious about what you were making.”

“Dinner,” Katsuki replied—snapped, really.

“Yeah, I see that,” Shoto said as his brows furrowed in confusion. “Is something wrong?

“Yes, you’re bothering me, so leave me the hell alone!”

Having observed Katsuki—not in a stalker-ish way—Shoto saw through the facade instantly. Katsuki’s attitude reminded him too much of when he had found him in the locker room. The thought alone made him feel apprehensive. 

“I’m sorry,” Shoto eventually whispered, and Katsuki stilled for a moment before glancing over at him. “I came onto you without making you aware of my presence. I should’ve known better.”

Katsuki’s breath hitched in his throat. “Whatever,” he then forced out through gritted teeth.

“Katsuki,” he said, his hand reaching out, but pulling away when he realised his mistake. “If you need—”

“I don’t need shit!” Katsuki shouted, dropping the knife onto the chopping board. Clenching his fists, he faced Shoto, who had already foreseen where this was headed. “Especially not from you.”

Shoto blinked. “Okay.” Maybe he hadn’t foreseen that. “That’s fine.”

“Fine?” Katsuki growled. “How’s that fine?” 

Shoto blinked again, confused. What was this about? Katsuki wanted him to stay away, right? Katsuki didn’t need him at all. He was fine—at least; he was well enough to get through this without his help anymore. Wasn’t that the point he wanted to get across?

“Tell me,” Katsuki spat, fisting the collar of Shoto’s shirt in his hand. “How is that fine?” Shoto’s lips parted, noticing the pain in his eyes. He was shaking again, angry with himself, and in other words, he said don’t leave me, I still need you.

“Bakugo—”

“Katsuki,” the blond cut him off. His voice sounded so bitter, but the undertone of pain didn’t go unnoticed.

Shoto gently placed both his hands on top of Katsuki’s in order to make him let go of his shirt. “Are you finished here?” He asked, gesturing towards the kitchen.

“Why?” 

Shoto let go of him briefly to turn off the stove. “Take a break. Come.”

Shoto led him out of the kitchen and took him to his room. Katsuki followed, mind not processing anything. Halfie’s room was nice, and just as Katsuki remembered it. It hadn’t changed one bit, it still resembled a classic Japanese home.

“Half-and-Half,” he muttered, not daring to move a muscle.

“You’re safe here, Katsuki. There’s no one but us,” Shoto reassured, taking a seat on the futon in his room.

Out of habit, Katsuki checked behind his back and his surroundings before sitting down. He gulped, sneaking a peek down at his trembling hands. Frustration filled his veins by the sight, and he instantly clenched his fists in order for it to stop—it didn’t.

“I visited my mother today,” Shoto said, as if it was the most normal topic of conversation. “I’m teaching her to draw.”

Instead of scolding him in front of him for repeating himself, Katsuki nodded stiffly. “That’s nice,” he said uncomfortably. “You draw?” That was new, but it didn’t surprise him the slightest.

Shoto smiled, beaming like a five-year-old on Christmas. Katsuki thought it was the most wholesome thing in the entire world. “I do. Wanna see?” Shoto didn’t even give Katsuki time to answer before he stood up. Hurriedly, he found one of his many sketchbooks.

Katsuki didn’t know whether he should be laughing or completely and utterly shocked. First of all, Halfie was talented as hell. Katsuki had already prepared for drawings that resembled the work of a five-year-old, but these were beautiful. Second of all—

“It’s cats.” Was the first thing Katsuki said, skimming the many pages of cats, cats, and more cats.

“Yeah, my mother loves cats. Myself included,” Shoto answered, smiling softly.

“Yeah, I know. You’ve always wanted one, so I’m not surprised.”

“What, you don’t like them?” Shoto asked, eyes big and innocent and cute. Katsuki couldn’t handle it.

“I never said that, you ice cube.”

“So you do like them.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. A confident one at that.

“I never said that either!” The smug look on Shoto's face grew more and more apparent. Katsuki groaned, closing the book before smacking Shoto on top of the head. “Fine, you’re good.”

“You’re mean,” Shoto said, pouting, rubbing the slightly sore spot on the head. “So mean,” he mumbled again. 

“Oi, I just gave you a fucking compliment!”

Shoto put the book away. “I know. Thank you, Katsuki.” God dammit, why did he seem so sincere?

“Why do you do this?” Katsuki found himself asking. “Why do you… help me?”

“I care about you,” Shoto replied with a shrug. “I always have. Never stopped.”

Katsuki froze upon hearing those words. He wished he hadn’t. This made it all so much more complicated. Nobody was supposed to care about him. Katsuki was a bad person, he was rude, and snapped at everyone who got in his way. He didn’t deserve someone as innocent as Shoto to care for him or help him. Katsuki deserved to be suffering like this. It was only fitting for all the times he had been terrible throughout the years.

“Well, you shouldn’t!” He snapped again. “Just stop caring about me!”

That was the only defense he had at this point. Shoto captured his heart, and there was nothing he could do. No matter how hard he tried to stay away, Katsuki wanted him and only him. It was sickening and frustrating.

“Why?”

“Because—because I’m me —I’m terrible,” he stuttered out forcefully. “I deserve to suffer and—and—I can’t—”

Shoto spotted the use of anger as a defense mechanism right away. He immediately saw how Katsuki turned in the other direction in order to shield his face, jaw clenched in frustration. Shoto gently placed a hand on his knee before bringing him closer. Katsuki followed his touch willingly, easily coaxed to sit in his lap.

“Please, don’t say you deserve to suffer,” Shoto whispered. “You don’t and nobody thinks that. Do you hear me?”

“I hate you,” Katsuki sniffled, hiding his face in his neck. “I hate when you do this.”

Shoto cooled down the room gradually. “It’s okay to be vulnerable, Katsuki. There’s no judgement.”

“Fuck you.”

“Whatever you say won’t change the way I feel about you,” Shoto responded, automatically bringing Katsuki closer.

Katsuki pulled away, eyes swollen and teary. “Why? Why would you—”

“Katsuki,” Shoto began, wiping his tears away. “You’re not a terrible person. You’ve been through a lot, your reaction is as normal as any.”

“Do you mean it?” Katsuki’s eyes clenched shut as he turned his head away. God, he was so weak.

Shoto’s thumb stroked his cheek. “Yes, I care very much,” he whispered, cupping the cheek in his hand.

“Kiss me,” Katsuki demanded, a lonely tear rolling down his cheek. He didn’t dare to open his eyes, his hands shaking again. “Just once. Help me—help me forget.”

There was a pause. “I’m not kissing you before you look at me.”

Tears blinded Katsuki’s vision when he finally opened his eyes. Shoto kissed his forehead, his lips lingering for a couple of seconds. He kissed his cheek next, tasting the saltiness from the tear. Then planted a kiss on his nose, followed by a kiss on the chin.

Katsuki trembled, overwhelmed by all the affection—affection he never got as a child. He couldn’t even remember the last time someone had taken care of him like this. It was terrifying. It was consuming. But Shoto provided him safety, a reassurance that he wasn’t leaving, that Katsuki could lean on him, tell him about his worries and terrors.

And when Shoto finally kissed him, he felt like sobbing. He felt like letting everything out, which he had been carrying inside him for so long. Some part of him felt free from the curse that had been cast upon his body, like he could breathe freely.

Katsuki’s heart was beating against his ribcage as Shoto proceeded to kiss his pain away. Their lips fit perfectly, like they belonged together, and Katsuki welcomed the kisses, the sensations and tingles traveling all over his body. Secretly, Katsuki had been yearning, craving for this moment, and now he wanted to savour it with all his might.  

And for the first time in what felt like forever, he relaxed. He closed his eyes, leaning further into the touch. It was warm and welcoming, and he wanted to let it in. He wanted to embrace it, to explore it.

“Katsuki,” Shoto breathed against his lips. “We need to talk about this. I need to know where I’m allowed to touch you.”

“Neck and shoulders are off limits,” he choked out.

“What about neck kisses?” Shoto asked and Katsuki’s eyes widened, stunned by the suggestion.

Neck kisses? Katsuki hadn’t even considered the possibility of neck kisses. It seemed safe enough now that he thought about it again. On top of that, it felt good, but still, dread appeared in the pit of his stomach.

“We can try it,” Katsuki whispered, slightly hesitant.

“Yeah?” Shoto asked, looking for confirmation. “What temperature do you want my lips to be?”

“Um, normal.”

Shoto hummed, slowly inching closer to Katsuki’s throat. The fear in his veins froze him up. What if this didn’t help at all? 

“Relax, Katsuki,” Shoto mumbled against his cheek, his cold hand landing on his back. Okay, everything was fine. Katsuki was safe here. Nobody would hurt him.

“I am.” Katsuki wanted to sound unaffected, but his voice shook.

Shoto placed a kiss on his cheek, leaving no space between their bodies. “You’re safe here. Just tell me to stop and I will.” 

Shoto placed a kiss on Katsuki’s mouth. It was simple; it was sweet, and it was everything Katsuki used to hate. But now, he relaxed himself into it, knowing Shoto had no intention of hurting him. They kissed like that for a while—slow-paced, with tongues caressing each other as comfort. Katsuki was safe here, he was safe in Shoto’s embrace. 

Then, Shoto kissed the corner of his mouth. Shoto hummed against his skin, pleased by the calmness that Katsuki possessed. And slowly, Shoto moved from the corner of his mouth to his jaw. Shoto gently nibbled with his teeth, earning a gasp. It was loud and Katsuki shuddered, forcing Shoto closer who happily obliged, now planting a kiss behind his ear. Katsuki gasped again, pleasure coursing through his body. It was scary, but it felt good. Only then, Shoto started kissing down his throat. But Katsuki, still in a state of bliss, didn’t pay mind to it. He could only feel pleasure and need slowly defrosting the fear in his veins.

“You’re doing so good,” Shoto continued, taking the awaiting skin into his mouth and sucked gently.

“Half-and-half.” Not knowing if it was meant as a warning, Shoto pulled away. Katsuki’s eyes were glazed over, his face flushed red. Jesus, Shoto wanted to devour him. “Feels good. Do it again.”

Impressed by himself, Shoto hummed, eyes darting around Katsuki’s face. “I know it does. Try turning around this time.”

“What? Why?” Katsuki tensed in Shoto’s lap.

Shoto cupped his cheek. “You’ll get used to my presence behind you.” Katsuki looked at him troubled, but he gulped before facing in the other direction, sitting between Shoto’s legs. His hand hadn’t let go of Shoto’s the entire time.

“What now?”

“Do you trust me?” Shoto asked, both of his hands finding Katsuki’s waist.

“Fuck no.” Yet he leaned into Shoto’s touch, his back flushed up against his chest.

Shoto ignored the reply. “I need you to relax again,” he said, fingers softly gliding over Katsuki’s clothed stomach and up his chest.

Katsuki’s breathing suddenly grew loud in his ears. “You’re—” He stopped, breath hitching in his throat when Shoto’s cool fingers gently glided over his nipple.

“Did that feel good?” Shoto asked, stopping.

“No,” Katsuki rasped out, lying through his teeth.

“No?”

He groaned. “Fuck, stop teasing me already.”

Shoto placed his head on Katsuki’s shoulder, carefully nuzzling his neck. “You could’ve said yes the first time,” he mumbled, grinning.

“You little shi—” Katsuki’s breath was caught in his throat when Shoto placed a kiss behind his ear.

“Remember if you feel uncomfortable just tell me,” Shoto whispered against his neck before attaching his lips to Katsuki’s skin. In a matter of seconds, Katsuki became putty in Shoto’s hands. His head was tilted back, cheeks flaring with heat. He was still trying to contain his moans the best he could but small whimpers escaped his lips. 

With his lips kissing and nibbling at Katsuki’s neck, Shoto's hands went to the hem of Katsuki’s shirt. The blond shuddered the moment Shoto’s cold hand touched him, but it felt so good. The pleasure was something out of Katsuki’s comprehension.

“Nnnngh,” Katsuki suddenly moaned, eyes snapping shut.

Shoto continued to touch his nipple lightly, teeth grazing at his neck. “I had no idea you were this sensitive, Katsuki.” He didn’t respond. He only whimpered, teeth sinking into his lip. He couldn’t handle the simple, gentle touch. It was overwhelming, it was too much, but he enjoyed every second of it.

“Shit.” 

Shoto stopped again. “What is it?”

Katsuki was still panting. “I—fuck—” He spun around, claiming Shoto’s lips with his own, pushing him down onto the futon and getting on top. The kiss was messy with teeth and noses bumping into each other. The movements of their lips were frantic, desperate, starving. Katsuki couldn’t get enough. He kissed Shoto deeper, swallowing all the sounds coming from beneath him. His fingers tugged at Shoto’s hair, another gasp emerging from his mouth, but Katsuki pulled away with a final kiss. This wasn't the time. Not now.

Shoto didn't seem bothered. He simply smiled again, eyes shining and Katsuki melted by the sight. He huffed, turning his head away, not being able to handle all the cuteness that was Todoroki Shoto. “Stop that,” he grumbled, leaning closer to place his hand over Shoto’s face.

“Stop what?” Shoto asked, voice muffled by Katsuki’s palm. 

Katsuki groaned, removing his hand, his cheeks colouring. “Nothing,” he grumbled before laying down.

Shoto shuffled closer. “I’ve never been in your room before,” he stated, staring at the ceiling.

“So?”

Shoto turned to lie on his stomach, eyes darting around Katsuki’s features. “So, I want to see it.”

“No.” Shoto was about to protest. “End of discussion.”

“But—”

Katsuki kissed him, successfully shutting him up and a hum of delight sounded from Shoto’s mouth. Maybe seeing Katsuki’s room wasn’t so important right now.

Time was passing by and New Year’s was slowly nearing. Earlier during the week, Momo had announced that she would host a “social gathering” where everybody from Class 3-A could come together and wish each other a new year. As expected, the majority expressed their gratefulness and were more than excited to spend the special night together. Even Shoto was looking forward to it, but his enjoyment slowly vanished the moment he saw Katsuki sitting still in his seat with an expressionless face.

It had been three days since then, and while everyone was busy discussing what would be cool to wear amongst other things, Katsuki hadn’t said a word about New Year’s. It wasn’t that Shoto was worried about Katsuki attending or not; it was something else, something he couldn’t put his finger on. Needless to say, he really wanted to go with Katsuki, and he was ready to go to extreme measures in order to make him show up.

Just as class was ending and everyone was hurrying out the door, Shoto stayed and thankfully Katsuki noticed him right away, telling—or more like ordering, Kirishima and the others to go ahead. Mina nodded, dragging Sero out of the classroom by the arm while Kirishima and Kaminari scolded them for not being careful.

“What?” Katsuki asked after closing the door to the classroom. He crossed his arms over his chest, lifting an eyebrow of annoyance.

“What?” Shoto asked back, looking like an innocent puppy who had lost its way home, and even though Katsuki was exhausted from today’s classes and wanted nothing more than to relax and finally enjoy his weekend, he just couldn’t stay annoyed when Shoto looked at him like that.

He wandered over to Shoto’s desk, now a look of disbelief lingering on his structured face. “You wanted my attention, didn’t you, Halfie?”

Shoto sat on his desk and welcomed Katsuki to stand between his legs. “Maybe.” 

Katsuki huffed. “Get to the point, Shoto. I’m really fucking tired.”

Shoto froze momentarily, eyes wide. “Of me?”

Katsuki’s gaze softened by the sudden reaction. He cupped his cheek in his hand. “No. I want to sleep,” he clarified, and Shoto visibly relaxed.

“Oh.” He smiled lightly, leaning into Katsuki’s hand, having missed his touch over the last few days. “Good.”

“Why would you even think that?” Katsuki asked, trying his best not to sound offended. Instead of answering, Shoto placed his right hand on his back, pulling him closer.

“You’ve been distant. I was worried,” Shoto mumbled, eyes sincere.

“I have?” Shoto nodded, fingers now delicately playing with strands of hair covering Katsuki’s forehead.

“Ever since Momo’s announcement for New Year’s.” Only then, Katsuki seemed to understand what Shoto was saying. His eyes hardened, but there was an undertone of pain Shoto had gotten to know so well during the time they had spent together.

Katsuki took a step back, eyes downcast. His jaw was clenched, but then he laughed bitterly. “My parents are a pair of fuckheads,” he spat. “I told them—” He stopped and laughed again.

“Katsuki?” Shoto hopped off the desk. “What is it?”

“They didn’t accept me,” he said, only now glancing up. Shoto had never moved faster to hug someone in his life. “I suppose I knew, but I thought my father would accept me, you know, he’s the normal one in the house.”

“I’m sorry,” Shoto mumbled, the back of his finger caressing Katsuki’s cheek.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, idiot,” Katsuki said, eyes still guarded.

“I know but I—”

Katsuki tilted his head downward in order to hide his face. “Just kiss me. You’re annoyingly good at that.”

With a pair of concerned eyes, Shoto took Katsuki’s face in his hands and kissed him. It was slow and comforting, and it was exactly what Katsuki needed. He welcomed the lips he had grown to cherish with each kiss. It was like Shoto knew what he needed before Katsuki knew it himself. Sometimes it was annoying, but right now, he fucking loved it.

“If it helps, my old man pretends to ignore that part of me. He’s still going on about Quirk-marriages and what not,” Shoto whispered, eyes narrow. “He’s only focused on bringing a child to the Todoroki family who can live up to his expectations.”

The expression on Katsuki’s face darkened. “I’ll beat his arse.”

“Not if I beat it first.” Katsuki’s lips tugged up at that. Their lips met again. “Can I nap with you?”

Katsuki eyed him suspiciously. “Really, you want to sleep now? Seems very unlike you.”

Shoto hummed. “I always want to sleep with you.” Even if Shoto meant that in the most innocent way, Katsuki couldn’t help but smirk. “You’re warm.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Shoto confirmed, nodding his head. “Let’s go, Pomeranian.”

“Oi!” Katsuki protested while Shoto stepped away from him.

“You’re calling me names, it’s only fair that I do the same,” Shoto claimed, smirking. 

“Using my own tricks against me, I see,” Katsuki muttered, eyes narrowed into splits. “You’ll pay for that once I get you on my bed.”

Shoto laughed, placing his bag safely on his shoulder. Katsuki did the same. “I’ll look forward to it.”

“You better,” he replied as the two of them walked out of the classroom towards the dorms, neither of them noticing the figure in the opposite direction.

It was officially New Year’s Eve. Shoto arrived right on time wearing a long-sleeve, black dress shirt with a black blazer on top. His sister helped him with his red tie because he couldn’t figure out the technique behind tying a tie. In all honesty, Shoto had let Fuyumi do what she wanted, so when she pulled out a pair of burgundy trousers and black leather shoes, Shoto didn’t protest. He trusted his sister, and if he had to say so himself, he looked kind of... nice. 

“Todoroki-san!” Momo greeted him at the door. She was beautiful as always, wearing a sparkly green dress. Her hair fell down her shoulders effortlessly, but Shoto knew Momo had spent a long time perfecting every detail of her appearance. 

Shoto kissed her cheek. “Yaoyorozu, you look beautiful.” Momo led him inside, granting him the familiar view of the front foyer with the chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

It was safe to say that the two of them had formed a pretty strong friendship, seeing both of them had parents with grand expectations. They bonded quickly, tea and coffee dates becoming a part of their weekly routine. Momo was also the first person to know about his sexuality, and would often interrogate Shoto about who was the hottest guy of them all. 

Back then, Shoto hesitantly told her that Katsuki looked really handsome, and soon enough Katsuki also became a thing they regularly discussed. And of course, Momo knew what happened between them—only in very little detail, though. At least as little as she would allow.

Momo offered him a glass of champagne. “You do too. I suspect Fuyumi-san had a say in this.” She spoke with a small grin, her hand pointing towards Shoto’s outfit.

He chuckled. “Yeah. I’ll have to buy her some flowers or jewelry as a thank you.”

Momo took a sip from her glass, humming softly. “Enough about that, let’s get down to business—”

“Yaoyorozu,” Shoto started, already knowing where this was going.

“I haven’t seen you since before Christmas, give me a break,” she lightly scolded. “Your boyfriend’s coming, right?”

Shoto flushed, hiding his face behind the glass of champagne. “He’s not my boyfriend, I told you.”

Momo waved her hand. “Please, anyone who’s making out in an empty classroom—”

“Yaoyorozu!” Shoto yelled, face redder than a fucking tomato.

“— might as well be a couple,” she finished, grinning at his embarrassed face. “And he—”

“Stop, right there!” Shoto declared. Momo continued to laugh. “I hate you,” he mumbled.

 “You love me.” Shoto smiled, trying to contain the chuckle that threatened to spill from his lips.

Soon enough, the rest of Class 3-A made their appearance, each and everyone accepting a glass of champagne. Everyone had truly outdone themselves. Shoto had no idea that Kaminari could look so put together in a suit and a tie.

And then Katsuki stepped through the doors, and the air got knocked out of Shoto’s lungs. Katsuki was—well, to put it lightly—fucking hot. Shoto had never seen something he wanted more than Katsuki in that suit. Jesus, his fantasies ran wild in an instant. The all black suit made him look mysterious, classy and so fucking hot that Shoto didn’t know what to do with himself. He had to stop himself from bursting into flames.

“Wow, look, you’re even matching,” Momo whispered from behind, snickering silently at Shoto's expression. Just then, Shoto noticed the red tie. They really were matching. God, Shoto’s heart was about to explode in his chest.

He faced Momo, cheeks red. “Stop it,” he scolded, drowning his second glass of champagne. “Jesus Christ.” He seriously needed to calm down. Shoto reached for another ice cold drink, and Momo just laughed silently into her palm.

“Maybe you should say hi,” she suggested innocently.

“Yaoyorozu, I’m literally about to burst into fucking flames from how hot he looks,” Shoto said in a hiss, the alcohol clearly affecting his choice of words. “The last thing I need right now is to say hi. ”

“Well, he’s on his way over here now—”

“What?” Shoto froze. “Hide me, hide me, hide me!” Momo just stared at him, amused. Tipsy Shoto officially became her favourite. With a pair of frantic eyes, Shoto searched for a way to get out of this situation. His left side was already tingling with a familiar heat, and then he saw it, the door leading out to the garden.

“Shoto—”

“Nope, I’m going.” And with that, he practically ran out into the garden, welcoming the cold breeze covering his skin. Shoto breathed out of relief, taking a sip from his third glass of the night.

He was the biggest chicken he had ever met. But it was Katsuki’s fault for looking so goddamn good in his suit. They hadn’t seen each other in so long, and then he had the audacity to show up looking like a whole fucking meal while Shoto was so fucking starving. Goddammit. 

“Oh, Todoroki-kun, there you are!” In the shadows, Izuku and Ochako emerged from the darkness, a flush present on their faces.

“Hey, you guys look good,” he greeted, his eyes taking in the sight of his friends holding hands with soft smiles lingering on their lips. The three of them chatted for a bit before Ochako gave Izuku a kiss on the cheek and made her way inside.

Smiling, Shoto nudged Izuku’s shoulder. “Finally.”

Izuku blushed, letting out a little laugh. “We’ve been together for a while."

“Really?” Shoto was surprised now.

His friend hummed in response, happiness beaming on his face. “Two months, I think.”

Shoto’s eyes popped out of his head. “Wow.” Was all he said. “I’m really happy for you.

The two of them shared a smile before Izuku turned his attention towards the sky. He took a sip from his glass, calm and relaxed. And now, while Shoto continued to look at his best friend, he felt insanely proud of him in some way. He had come so far from first year, and Shoto was honoured to be his friend.

“What are you thinking, Todoroki-kun?”

Shoto looked down at his glass before meeting his curious, green eyes. “Thank you for being my friend, Midoriya.”

Izuku had tears shining in the corners of his eyes in a matter of seconds. He placed his scarred hand on Shoto’s shoulder. “No, thank you,” he said. They had never had a talk like this, but it seemed like their friendship just took another step in the right direction. “And thank you for helping Kacchan so much,” he added.

“I didn’t really do anything,” Shoto tried to say, but the look in his friend’s eyes made him shut up.

“He’s happier than I’ve even seen him, Todoroki-kun. You and I both know it’s due to the influence you’ve had on him. I’m grateful,” Izuku spoke knowingly, and Shoto couldn’t deny that he, too, had been so much happier lately, even Fuyumi had noticed.

“I care about him,” he whispered as if it was a crime.

“I can see that,” Izuku responded. “And I can see that he cares about you too.” His gaze was comforting to the anxiety that Shoto felt in that moment. He wasn’t afraid of Izuku’s reaction to him liking Katsuki, he already knew about Shoto’s sexual orientation. Even so, what if he didn’t approve of them being in a relationship in the future—something Shoto really wanted—what would happen then?

Shoto was at a loss for words, but luckily, Izuku noticed and continued. “I know Kacchan well, and know he doesn’t like it when everyone’s all up in his business, so I understand why the two of you kept your relationship a secret. I did the same after all.”

That didn’t help Shoto’s state of mind. “I—we’re not together,” he said it like he was ashamed, but he really wasn’t. He was just so nervous about the conversation being directed towards him.

“Oh,” Izuku said, shocked. “But I saw you guys walk out of the classroom together and alone, so I just assumed—you know what? Nevermind.”

Shoto chuckled in relief, but then he said. “I really like him, and sometimes it scares the shit out of me.”

Izuku froze upon the word choice. “Tell me about it,” he eventually said, looking at the sky, finishing his glass. “I was like that too.” Somehow it was comforting, knowing Izuku had experienced the same emotions as Shoto had. “Don’t worry. Change is a good thing.”

Shoto nodded, taking Izuku’s words to heart. But still, there was something burdening his mind. “So, you’re okay with it, that I have feelings for Katsuki?”

Izuku’s eyes enlarged by the question. “What? Of course!” He claimed, staring at Shoto as if he was crazy. “Jesus, Todoroki-kun, that’s what you’re so worried about?”

Shoto fidgeted with his fingers. “Yeah, he means a lot to you, and you’re childhood friends.”

There was a soft, comforting laugh. “Well, if you’re looking for my approval, which you don’t need, by the way, then go ahead and date him.”

Shoto smiled, it was a genuine and beautiful smile that reached his eyes. “Thank you.”

Together they made their way inside, and Shoto had finished his third glass now. He felt much calmer than before, and the world around him seemed so much brighter.

Mineta and Kaminari currently had a dance battle in the middle of the floor while everyone cheered with laughter and smiles. Mina obviously rolled her eyes, yelling over the music that she was the queen of dancing, and before Shoto even realised it, everyone was dancing. Even Tenya was dancing—well, tried. After a while, Shoto also spotted Izuku and Ochako swaying their hips to the music. He had never seen any of his classmates so careless and… free. 

At that moment, it hit Shoto like a ton of bricks  that all of them were young adults, that they still had so many things to experience and try. Suddenly, he didn’t want to hold back anymore. He wanted to do it all. He wanted to do the things he hadn’t even considered a possibility due to his father's strictness. Shoto was technically an adult, fuck what everyone else thought. He wanted freedom, he wanted excitement and new experiences.

“Yaoyorozu!” He yelled over the music, a large smile dancing on his lips. Happiness burst in his chest upon the new realisation. He was so happy right now, and not even his idiot father could take it away from him.

“Shoto!” She yelled back, thrusting a drink into his hands. “Where the hell have you been?” Her cheeks were red, her hair slightly out of place.

“I had a talk with Midoriya.” He was still smiling. Shoto wanted everyone to know how happy he felt. He yanked Momo into his arms, causing Momo to stumble and almost spill her drink. “Thank you, thank you, thank you for being my friend,” he said into her neck.

Momo laughed, her chest swelling with affection. “What’s gotten into you?”

Shoto was grinning, quickly kissing her cheek. “I’m just so grateful. I realised I can do whatever I want!”

Momo placed a hand on his shoulder. “That’s great. Now, come and dance with me.”

And suddenly Shoto was dancing with his friends, with people who cared about him. Everything seemed so surreal in his mind, and this was truly the best night of his entire life. He wanted it to last forever. He wanted to have fun like the young adult he was and not take responsibility for anything. It all felt too good to be true. It felt like freedom.

“Have you talked to Bakugo yet?” Momo shouted. With closed eyes, Shoto shook his head, running through his hair as his hips swayed to the music, his previous drink long gone. “Well, you should, the lion looks hungry!”

Shoto opened his eyes. “What lion?”

Momo laughed. “Nothing. Go get your man!”

Cheeks red with heat and a smile on his face, Shoto replied, “I will!”

He made his way out of the crowd of people, instantly searching for the blond he so desperately needed to see right now. The problem, however, was that Katsuki was nowhere to be seen. Shoto wandered down the corridor to his right, entering through the first door he came across.

Panting heavily, Shoto opened the door and immediately smiled when he found what he was looking for. He closed the door behind him, running over to the couch Katsuki sat on.

“Katsuki!” He exclaimed breathlessly, sitting down.

Katsuki smirked. “A bit drunk, are we, Halfie?” Whether Katsuki was ready to admit it or not, Shoto looked breathtakingly stunning, and even more so now that his hair was slightly disheveled.

“Tipsy,” Shoto corrected him, smiling from ear to ear.

Katsuki chuckled. “What are you so happy about?” His fingers removed the hair from Shoto’s eyes, a reminder that he had to get him some hair ties.

“I’m just really grateful,” he answered, loving the way Katsuki’s fingers felt in his hair.

“Yeah?”

Shoto hummed. “I have friends, real friends and think about it, we can do whatever we want!”

Katsuki hummed. “What do you wanna do?”

Shoto shone, lightning up the entire room. “So many things, Katsuki!”

He rolled his eyes. “I figured, now tell me.”

Shoto placed himself in Katsuki’s lap without a second thought. “I want to make out in a bathroom at a party, swim in the ocean, own a cat, maybe dye my hair, drive a car, fly a plane, have sex, travel the world, become a hero, get my own place, prank call my father, gaze at the stars, watch the fireworks for the first time, wake up in the morning next to the person I love and spend the whole day in bed with all the food in the world—”

“You’re never gonna shut up, are you?” Katsuki cut him off, amusement lingering on his features.

“Nope,” Shoto responded, looking at Katsuki with such loving eyes, that he had to take a deep breath for a second. “Tell me what you want.”

“The things you had were pretty good,” Katsuki began, placing a strand of hair behind Shoto’s ear. “But I wanna take more cooking classes, maybe learn a new language and watch a bunch of horror movies till the sun comes up. I definitely want to become a hero, wake up with breakfast in bed and most definitely have sex.”

“Sounds pretty nice,” Shoto said with a pair of soft eyes. “I’ve missed you, Katsuki.” He leaned closer, rubbing their noses together.

“Is this the alcohol talking?” Katsuki asked, acting suspicious, trying to ignore the way his heart skipped a beat.

“Probably,” he breathed. “But it’s true either way.”

Then, Katsuki kissed him, pressing their mouths together. It was everything he needed, like oxygen to his lungs. He licked the inside of Shoto’s mouth, tasting the alcohol on his tongue. Shoto moaned into his mouth, causing shivers to form on Katsuki’s skin. It had been so long since he had heard those sounds—sounds only he could get out of Shoto. He wanted to hear it more; he wanted to be the reason Shoto was panting, the reason he was gasping for air with marks and tears in his eyes. He wanted all of it, the good and the bad. But most importantly, he just wanted Shoto as the perfect human being he was.

“I’ve missed you too or whatever,” he admitted, voice hoarse.

He closed the distance between them, finding comfort in Shoto’s touch. His lips attacked the cold side of Shoto’s neck. A low whine escaped Shoto’s throat as he pressed their bodies closer. His hands wandered over Katsuki’s broad chest, feeling the muscles underneath his palms. Katsuki shuddered, moaning quietly when Shoto shamelessly grinded against him.

“You looked so fucking hot earlier,” he groaned.

“When?” Shoto asked, planting kisses along his jaw.

“When you danced,” Katsuki replied with a sigh of pleasure. “God, when you swayed your hips, I couldn’t take my eyes off you.” His hands landed on Shoto’s hips as he spoke. He seriously couldn’t get enough of him. He loved Shoto’s skin against his own, the way he whined or gasped with pleasure. He loved their conversations when laying in Katsuki’s bed or on Shoto’s futon.

“I’ve been so close to bursting into flames multiple times tonight, so that might explain it,” Shoto murmured, nibbling down Katsuki’s throat.

“Hm, why’s that?” 

“Why do you think?” Shoto responded, pulling away to look over Katsuki’s flushed face. Once again, he was really satisfied with himself.

Katsuki urged Shoto to grind against him again, a hand cupping Shoto’s neck so their lips met like a magnetic force. “‘Cause I’m too fucking perfect for your pretty head’s comprehension.”

“Something like that,” Shoto breathed, resting his forehead on top of Katsuki’s. “Do you have to go home tonight?”

Katsuki sighed as Shoto’s hips stopped their movement. “I was planning on staying with Kirishima. Why?”

“You could stay at my place, or we could get a hotel room,” Shoto suggested, trying not to let the desire decide his way of thinking.

Katsuki chuckled, deep and raspy. “A hotel room?” He looked slightly amused.

Shoto shrugged as if it was nothing. “My brother owns one, remember? I could ask him to give me the best room they have.”

Katsuki grumbled under his breath about how Shoto was a spoiled brat. “You just want to get me in bed.”

“That may be true,” Shoto honestly told him. “But I also wanna do the things we talked about, you know, waking up together, breakfast in bed.”

“And the sex?” Katsuki teased. 

Shoto blushed. “It’s not that important.” Then he leaned in, grazing his nose against Katsuki’s. “Please, say yes.”

All in all, it sounded nice. “Honestly, I’ll do anything to escape my parents at the moment.”

Shoto hummed. “How are things with your parents?”

There was a grunt in response as Katsuki buried his head in Shoto’s chest. “My mother acts like it never happened and my father tried talking to me, but I don’t think he really understands.”

Shoto kissed the top of his head. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s reality,” Katsuki said with a shrug, but Shoto knew how much he was hurting. “Let’s stay at the hotel for the night.”

They made it back just in time for the fireworks. The two of them moved up front, and excitement stirred in Shoto’s chest, not being able to comprehend the fact that he was about to see fireworks in live action for the first time.

He stood among his best friends as they all got ready for the new year to begin, and it was safe to say that Shoto felt like the luckiest person on Earth. He had never seen something as beautiful as this. Seeing the light and colours from the fireworks up close like this was so much better than the videos he had seen on his phone.

A pair of arms folded themselves around his waist. “Happy New Year, Halfie.”

Shoto glanced back at Katsuki, eyes soft. “Happy New Year, Explosive Pomeranian.”

Katsuki grunted in annoyance at the nickname. “You’ll regret that.”

“Sure,” he replied, kissing Katsuki quickly on the lips like it was a part of his daily routine, like it was the most normal thing in the entire world. But for some reason it really did feel like a new habit of his.

“Happy New Year, Todoroki-kun!” Izuku commented, obviously drunk. He brought an arm around Shoto, giving him a quick hug. “You too Kacchan!” He added happily, now lacing his fingers with Ochako’s again.

“Happy New Year.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Were the two responses. “We have to go, Shoto,” Katsuki grumbled into his ear, intertwining their fingers.

“Give me a minute. I need to find Momo too,” Shoto answered, and Katsuki complained under his breath.

“Oh, you’re leaving?” Ochako joined, surprised. “But we have to celebrate.” Izuku, who still stood by her side, nodded in agreement. 

“We have things to do,” Katsuki said blankly.

“No, not really, he’s just a grumpy, old man,” Shoto said bluntly.

“You’re not that much younger than me, you fucking idiot!” Katsuki shouted, withdrawing his hand.

“That might be true but I’m still not the one sleeping before the sun goes down.” Shoto was smirking now, enjoying pushing Katsuki to his limit. Some part of it was always really entertaining. How long would it take before Shoto's head was blown off? No one knew.

Katsuki fired off small explosions before taking a deep breath. Compromise. Yes, that was it. His mother told him about it after they argued for an hour over dinner.

“I’ll make you so many fireworks that you’ll get sick of them,” Katsuki said while Ochako was busy fixing up Izuku’s hair.

“You can do that?” Shoto was astounded, looking like the cutest puppy Katsuki had ever seen.

A nod. “Yes, now come.” Fucking nailed it.

Shoto smiled at him, eyes so loving and caring that Katsuki’s heart stopped for a short moment.

The blond directed his attention towards the couple, where Ochako now cupped Midoriya’s cheek, leaning in to kiss him. “Oi, lovebirds, we’re leaving.”

The couple jumped, startled. “Have fun, and use protection.”

“I’ll blow your fucking head off, Deku!”

Shoto said goodbye to Momo who was overly happy by the fact that he and Katsuki were spending the night at a hotel. Shoto rolled his eyes, blushing while telling her that they still weren’t in a relationship, but Momo wouldn’t listen for her life. Katsuki told Kirishima that he wouldn’t be staying over with no further explanation, and Kirishima looked worried for a second before seeing Shoto standing close by, silently waiting. With a smile, he told Katsuki to have fun and be careful to which Katsuki almost punched him. Almost.

“Ready?”

Shoto nodded.

Another half hour passed before they made it to the hotel. Shoto had called beforehand explaining the situation without mentioning Katsuki to save himself from the embarrassment. However, his brother knew that he was bringing someone to spend the night and Shoto even offered to pay double the amount of money because he wanted Katsuki to be as comfortable as possible. His brother, of course, told Shoto that he wouldn’t accept the extra money and basically told him to shut up and that the room was ready for them.

And now, Katsuki and Shoto laid side by side, enjoying the comfortable silence.

“Hey,” Katsuki said, running a hand through Shoto’s hair. 

“Hey, is something wrong?” Shoto asked, opening his eyes, shifting his body closer.

There was a pause, and Katsuki’s movements stopped. “Are we dating?” It was quiet, a question of doubt, of curiosity.

“Hm, it depends,” Shoto started, laying on his stomach. “Do you want to date me?”

Katsuki stared with a blank expression but Shoto noticed how his eyes peeked down at his lips. Without any thought, Katsuki leaned and smashed their mouths together. The kiss was rough, it was desperate because Katsuki was desperate. He wanted Shoto to know that he wanted a relationship. He wanted Shoto to be his and nobody else’s. But he was terrible at expressing himself through words. Misunderstandings and miscommunications always happened when he tried, so Katsuki depended on actions to show how he felt.

“Fuck, yeah.” The reply was simple and it was everything Shoto needed to understand. Katsuki could feel how Shoto smiled against his mouth and it felt so good. He was the reason Shoto was smiling, and for the first time in a while, Katsuki dared to consider himself happy, and he allowed himself to smile, too.

“Promise me one thing.” There was insecurity behind that sentence, Katsuki noticed it in an instant. For the first time ever, he saw the expression of vulnerability on Shoto's face. “Don’t push me away if things get rough.”

“I won’t.” And he really wouldn’t.

“Truly?” Shoto whispered, taking Katsuki’s face in his hands as if he would dissolve into nothing.

“Stop worrying and let me kiss my boyfriend,” Katsuki grumbled. He didn’t wait for another response before claiming what was now his.