Chapter Text
Ahsoka and Barriss were huddled in the same bed together on the Zerand X-1, worldship class, a starship equipped with life support sufficient enough that the occupants should never have to leave the ship, so long as there were enough droids to tend the food supply, take care of the plants providing organic atmospheric regulation, and keep the ship in working order. They were adrift in the intergalactic void, away from any hyperlane. It was accurate enough to say they were safely off the grid of the Galactic Empire, as had been their goal.
“How did we even get here? I was so angry with you when you set me up for the Jedi Temple bombing. And yet... I forgave you. Now we’re living together, headed out in hope of finding a habitable planet somewhere the Galactic Republic won’t bother us, and where Anakin... Darth Vader won’t ever find us.” Ahsoka voiced her thoughts aloud.
Barriss replied, “Let’s go back, to when it began, so that you remember it all, Ahsoka. We’ve come a long way and we have longer to go still. Let us remember all my mistakes, all your heroics, all our triumphs, and everything in between.”
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“Good evening, Padme.” Ahsoka greeted.
After leaving the Jedi Order, Padme invited Ahsoka to work for her as a bodyguard. It was a favorable position - paid well, being with people she already liked working with - and Ahsoka didn’t have any better options. The only other career Ahsoka could even consider as an ex-Jedi was becoming a bounty hunter, but Ahsoka feared that life would isolate her. It was generally considered undesirable for Togruta to lack friends in their culture and Ahsoka agreed. She didn’t want to leave her friends behind. And yet... Ahsoka felt she couldn’t stay.
It was painful seeing the members of the Jedi Order around. They came often to visit Padme, as she was one of their greatest allies, and also a good friend to many of them. Obi-Wan would greet Ahsoka when he passed her by, but Ahsoka never knew what to really respond with. She feared greeting with a simple hello, as she didn’t want to encourage the idea she forgave him for what happened. Obi-Wan had condemned her the same as any other of the Jedi during the time Ahsoka was set up for bombing the Jedi temple. Ahsoka was not ready to forgive anyone at this point. If she was still an apprentice again, the masters would have scolded her for holding onto her bitterness, for staying attached to the heavy hurt she felt from the betrayal. But, Ahsoka was not a Jedi now and she felt barely any guilt for staying attached to her pain in this day and age. Ahsoka was free to pursue her own destiny.
One of the greatest disadvantages of being Padme’s bodyguard was how often Anakin was over. Although Anakin had at least partially believed in her innocence, and even dragged the true culprit into court to clear Ahsoka’s name, Ahsoka didn’t particularly want to associate with him anymore either. Worse, she was now actively forced to keep Anakin’s secrets - that he was married to Padme and seeing her. Jedi were forbidden from falling in love. If the Jedi Council found out about Anakin’s marriage, he would be expelled from the order. Ahsoka had known this secret before she left the Jedi - but keeping it then had never felt as pressing to her as it did now. She needed to go. This wasn’t what Ahsoka wanted to do with her life and she was tired of having to deal with the Jedi Order even tangentially.
Padme said, “Good evening to you as well, Ahsoka. How are you doing?”
“I’m doing okay, but... I’ve been thinking.” Ahsoka carefully began to broach the subject.
Padme responded, “What were you thinking about?”
“I need to leave. I’m not comfortable keeping your and Anakin’s secret anymore. I would never tell anyone and I won’t, but it’s just... I can’t stay here. I’m sorry, Padme.” Ahsoka answered.
Padme replied, “I understand. I must ask, what will you do when you go?”
“The only thing I can do: become a bounty hunter. I’ll be able to pick my own missions and stay away from the Jedi like I intended to do when I left the order.” Ahsoka told her.
Padme offered, “I have a deal for you. If I can have you on retainer, then I’ll provide you with a ship and some starting credits, plus a yearly retainer fee. I won’t make you do any mission you’re uncomfortable with, like ones you feel are too closely related to the Jedi, as you stated earlier.”
“That’s awfully generous of you, Padme. Are you sure?” Ahsoka asked.
Padme responded, “You’ve saved my life multiple times and been a perfect bodyguard. I don’t think I could ever be generous enough for you after all you’ve done for me, Ahsoka. If you really want to leave to be a bounty hunter, I support you one hundred percent. I promise.”
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With Padme’s gift of the Destinence and the yearly retainer fee, Ahsoka didn’t have to do any extra work outside of Padme’s missions if Ahsoka didn’t want to. However, Ahsoka worried about getting soft and losing her fighting edge, so she did a few commissions for Bail Organa as well as some odd jobs in the Outer Rim that weren’t morally objectionable. As a former Jedi and with the stellar track record for success she built up, Ahsoka attracted a lot of characters who wanted to hire her, even without Ahsoka being a member of the Bounty Hunter’s Guild, but Ahsoka turned down the criminals and the Jedi-affiliated. Other bounty hunters began to say she lived a cushy life. Ahsoka would oftentimes think about whether or not she agreed with the accusation, but her thoughts always came back to how unhappy she was. She had been right when she predicted it would be a lonelier life than as Padme’s bodyguard. Ahsoka didn’t have any friends except for Padme and Bail, so she spent most of her time questioning her life’s choices in an almost empty ship, with no one around to talk to except droids.
One day, Ahsoka was hired by a Duros lending bank to capture Garan Arapto, who had defaulted on a traditional Duros lending type of debt. Ahsoka was also to collect the bought goods, known to be five kilograms of palladium. Arapto was traditionally required to be present at the lending institution he had crossed so that he could, in person, be formally disgraced - there were severe social consequences for Duros who defaulted on a loan. Ahsoka’s primary duty, to her surprise, was to retrieve the palladium. She had been instructed to leave Arapto alive if she could not capture him, but Ahsoka believed she would be able to drag him back to Duros no matter where he fled. Ahsoka tracked Arapto to Felucia and landed at the city of Niango.
Ahsoka was carrying a fresh crate of rations back to her ship when she bumped into a hooded figure carrying their own crate of rations. Both fell to the ground and dropped what they were holding. Packages were thrown about and a few that flew furthest were pilfered by sticky-fingered petty thieves.
“Sorry!” Ahsoka said.
The figure’s hood had fallen back to reveal someone Ahsoka knew.
Barriss Offee.
Barriss cautiously told her, “It’s all right, Ahsoka.”
Ahsoka drew her green lightsaber, quickly pointing it towards Barriss from where Ahsoka had fallen on the ground. Barriss ignited her blue blade, but didn’t move to attack. The crowd around them gasped and gave them a wide margin in the middle of the road. Ahsoka determined that Barriss was, at the moment, not overly hostile, and decided to attempt conversation.
“You’re supposed to be on Coruscant! You should have been tried and convicted for treason. How were you not executed like the senate planned to do to me?” Ahsoka shouted.
Barriss tried to get Ahsoka to calm down. “Ahsoka, I will tell you everything if we can go speak somewhere privately. You are attracting a lot of attention.”
Ahsoka was about to scream at Barriss even more loudly when she noticed - Barriss was right. The native Felucians and many other strangers were staring, including some very unfriendly-looking rival bounty hunters. Ahsoka knew these two hunters to be actually sanctioned by the official guild, and because she was not, some bounty hunters chose not to consider the Bounty Hunter’s Code to apply to her. Ahsoka disengaged her blade and stood up as defiantly as she could. The bounty hunters staring at the two slinked off, but Ahsoka guessed it would not be the last she saw of them.
“Fine. Help me pick up this mess and we’ll meet at my ship.” Ahsoka told Barriss.
Barriss shut off her lightsaber and offered her hand to Ahsoka, to see if Ahsoka would help pull her up. Ahsoka ignored it and began to stuff scattered ration pouches back into her crate. Barriss sighed inwardly and did the same to her own purchase.
On board the Destinence, Ahsoka chose the seat in the absolute corner of the galley, where no one could sneak up on her. Barriss quietly took her place at the bench across from Ahsoka’s spot. Ahsoka’s protocol droid, B9-3PO, tried to offer the two refreshments, but Ahsoka rudely bade it to another room with a quick wave of her lightsaber, deactivating the blade and replacing it at her belt once B9-3PO had hurriedly toddled its way out of the galley.
Ahsoka ordered Barriss, “Hand over your weapons. I don’t trust you walking around my ship with any of them.”
Barriss drew back her cloak and piled a stack of blasters, explosives, and other assorted dangerous paraphernalia at Ahsoka’s hands. Ahsoka placed it all to her side on the seat. After all of that was removed, Ahsoka stared at Barriss’s lightsaber, still present at Barriss’s side.
“Your lightsaber too, Barriss.” Ahsoka added.
Barriss was already in the middle of unclipping it and handing it over, blade end pointed at herself.
Barriss told Ahsoka, “I trust you holding it.”
“I don’t know why you would.” Ahsoka ignited Barriss’s blade and pointed it on the right side of Barriss’s throat. “You really shouldn’t.”
“I thought we came here to talk, Ahsoka.” Barriss implored.
Ahsoka refused to waver her hand. “Go ahead and talk. Why weren’t you executed by the senate?”
“Before I could even have a trial, I escaped custody. Boba Fett, disgusting jerk as he is, came running through my senate escort after his then-current bounty, some Twi’lek who passed by us in a hurry. I ducked and Fett blasted the guards to pieces, also happening to smash the mechanism on my restraints with one of the shots. He told me I owed him. I helped him kidnap the Twi’lek and then he considered the debt repaid. I knew as an escaped criminal I could never get hired as much of anything other than a bounty hunter, so I joined up with Fett just long enough so that I could go into business for myself. I registered with the Bounty Hunter’s Guild after we parted ways - it helps me get missions and keeps some creeps in line who would otherwise kill me. I took a lot of missions I didn’t want to while I worked for Fett and I take a lot of missions I don’t want to now, so the Rezzion has fuel and I have something to eat. I’m still wanted by the senate, so I usually keep my jobs to the Outer Rim if I can help it. It’s not easy, but I’m still alive.” Barriss explained.
Ahsoka sneered, “Is that supposed to make me feel sorry for you?”
“No. It’s just what happened, like you asked me to tell you.” Barriss replied.
Ahsoka demanded, “Where did you get this lightsaber?”
“I went to Illum and collected my own crystal, then built it, just like Luminara Unduli taught me to. It’s carried me through a lot of missions but I try to keep it secret as much as possible, so the council doesn’t hear of it and find me.” Barriss answered. “I sense the green lens in your new lightsaber is a pontite crystal, from how it cools my skin from far away. It’s very impressive.”
Ahsoka snapped, “Quit the smooth talk.”
“What happened to you, Ahsoka? You were never like this.” Barriss begged.
Ahsoka lost her temper. “What happened? WHAT HAPPENED? You framed me for treason, Barriss. I left the order, I spent time at a guard job I ended up hating, and now I spend all my days flicking bones at my R2 astromechs for entertainment. My life was ruined and it’s all your fault.”
“So maybe it is. You know, I ruined my own life along with yours, if it helps you to know that.” Barriss said softly.
Ahsoka scoffed. “What does that matter to me? It serves you right.”
“It sure does.” Barriss bowed her head humbly.
Ahsoka was taken aback. Barriss was acting somewhat like a Jedi again and she, Ahsoka, was acting like the one who had gone wrong. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. Ahsoka was supposed to prove once and for all to herself that she had been the wronged party and she deserved to do whatever she wanted to the traitorous Barriss. But, Ahsoka could now see things weren’t like that at all. Barriss was... almost like the one she had known on Geonosis in the weapons factory, the one she had cried for when she saved Barriss from a mind-control worm, the one whom Ahsoka had trusted with her own lightsaber, her life.
Most of the time, Ahsoka now wished she had never done that. But sometimes, Ahsoka remembered again what convinced her to do it, and she remembered just what it was about Barriss that really made her heart flutter. Ahsoka was aware she had feelings for Barriss, even now, even after everything that happened, and she pretended she didn’t back when she was still a Jedi. It was only after enough lonely nights on the Destinence that Ahsoka confronted her feelings and remembered the truth.
Ahsoka sighed and backed the lightsaber away from Barriss’s neck, but did not disengage the blade. She needed to go about this differently. Barriss, traitorous scum that she was, still meant something special to Ahsoka. Ahsoka decided she would loosen up on Barriss. Ahsoka would see if she still wanted Barriss after everything that happened.
Ahsoka knew that the chances were the answer would be yes, but she wasn’t going to admit that point-blank. She would determine this slowly. Give Barriss a few second chances, something like that. Despite anything she decided, Ahsoka knew total forgiveness would be a long time in coming, if it ever came.
Ahsoka offered, “You can ask some questions. I’ll answer them.”
“Why are you here on Felucia?” Barriss asked.
Ahsoka responded, “I was hired to repossess some certain property of a Duros who defaulted. He fled here with it. If I bring him back to Duros, I get extra.”
“I was hired to capture and bring back for trial a Duros named Eelloth Zhug who scammed a different Duros into taking on more debt that he realized. My quarry fled here.” Barriss told Ahsoka.
Ahsoka inquired, “What’s the name of the guy your target scammed?”
“Garan Arapto.” Barriss answered.
Ahsoka lowered the lightsaber. “That’s the guy I was hired to go after.”
“We could work together. Our missions have similar objectives and similar quarries.” Barriss suggested.
Ahsoka inwardly celebrated. The Force had given her a reasonable situation in which to test Barriss. This could work.
Ahsoka said, “I’ll give you a chance. If this goes well, I might even keep in touch with you after I leave Felucia.”
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Ahsoka was inwardly cursing. These Duros were putting up more of a fight than she bargained for.
The reason Eelloth Zhug had bought so much palladium was that he had been working with a group called the Metal Throat, based in Felucia on an orbital station. They intended to produce portable cold fusion-powered equipment, such as blasters, and sell them to the highest bidder, while keeping some of the best for themselves. Unfortunately for Zhug, he missed several payments and in his haste to get rid of the debt, sold the palladium to Garan Arapto that was no longer Zhug’s to sell. The Metal Throat leader had to bribe Garan Arapto into joining the group and had Eelloth Zhug forcibly dragged to Felucia, where he would be punished for his incompetence.
Only one of the cold fusion blasters was working, but it was the only one they needed to work alongside their regular blasters to hold off both Ahsoka and Barriss from running in there and dragging off Arapto and Zhug. The rest of the five kilograms of palladium was conveniently sitting in a crate on a table in the middle of the room.
Ahsoka and Barriss had already destroyed all of the Metal Throat’s starships, leaving the Destinence and the Rezzion as the only escape routes off the Felucian orbital station until help arrived for the would-be cold fusion manufacturers. If Ahsoka and Barriss could break through the Metal Throat’s line of defense, Arapto, Zhug, and the palladium would be theirs.
“I’ll go in through a ventilation shaft from above if you distract them from here. From there, I’ll take the shooters out and you keep Arapto and Zhug from escaping. Deal?” Barriss asked.
Ahsoka told her, “No, I’ll go in through the ventilation system since I’m smaller. Keep them busy and don’t let them figure out I’m coming in there from above.”
“Okay. Good luck.” Barriss wished Ahsoka.
Ahsoka resisted the urge to spit on Barriss’s well-meaning words and instead opened the ventilation screen. She crawled in through there and quietly made her way down through to over the Zygerrian cold fusion blaster-wielder’s head. When she felt ready, she silently lifted the screen and dropped down into behind the line of the firefight.
Ahsoka deflected about six shots all at once before cutting the cold fusion blaster in half. The Zygerrian who had been holding it dropped the pieces and grabbed ahold of Ahsoka’s right wrist, stopping Ahsoka from using her lightsaber. The others drew in close with their blasters pointed directly at Ahsoka, who struggled to make the Zygerrian let go of her.
Barriss charged into the room, a blaster in her left hand, her lightsaber in her right hand. She took out three gun-wielders before they could even react and dispatched three more as they turned to shoot at her. Barriss marched up and decapitated the others, including the Zygarrian who had just reached to choke Ahsoka.
Ahsoka said, “Thanks.”
“Of course.” Barriss had a tender undercurrent to her voice.
Ahsoka tried to ignore that fact.
The others in the room either ducked under cover in fear or tried to run out the door. Eelloth Zhug ducked underneath a table covered in spare parts, while Garan Arapto ran away, presumably to the next available starship that he didn’t know wasn’t there. Barriss calmly walked over and dragged Zhug out from underneath the table. Ahsoka picked up the palladium-filled crate and held it in her left hand. Barriss bound Zhug’s hands with cuffs and wasn’t paying attention when a Felucian reached for a blaster and aimed at Barriss’s head.
Ahsoka yelled, “Look out!”
Ahsoka ignited her lightsaber and deflected the blaster bolts back at the Felucian, which killed him. Barriss breathed a sigh of relief and gripped her blaster a little tighter. The others in the room shuddered and banished any further thoughts about rebelling against the two bounty hunters.
“Thanks, Ahsoka.” Barriss said.
Ahsoka gruffly replied, “You’re welcome. We need to catch up with Arapto now.”
“Agreed. Let’s dump Zhug back at my ship and then search for Arapto. He won’t have gotten far.” Barriss told her.
Zhug struggled the whole way, cursing and screaming as he did, but he was no match for two determined Force-sensitives like Ahsoka and Barriss. He was secured into a holding cell deep within the Rezzion. Satisfied, the two made their way to the bridge and were surprised to be met with Arapto in one of the Rezzion’s connecting hallways. Arapto pointed two blasters in both of their directions.
Arapto shouted, “Say goodbye, Jedi scum!”
He fired at them. Simultaneously, both Ahsoka and Barriss drew their lightsabers and dodged the bolts.
“Ex-Jedi!” Ahsoka corrected.
Ahsoka ran straight at Arapto. When she got within range, Arapto pulled out a close-range stun blaster and shot her. Ahsoka froze and went down instantly, closing her eyes. Arapto picked up Ahsoka’s lightsaber and lunged its point at her chest.
Barriss force-leaped and parried the blade. Arapto, no Force-sensitive by any means, attempted to slash at Barriss with it, but only succeeded in missing, then hitting himself in the chest with the blade. He screamed as the lightsaber cut through his torso and he died. His arm, still holding the active lightsaber, began to fall on top of Ahsoka’s paralyzed body, and would have injured her if Barriss had not jumped over Ahsoka and caught it. Barriss deactivated both of their lightsabers and then realized how close the two were to each other. Their faces were directly over one another’s and there was very little A horizon between their chests.
Ahsoka, who had just came to, opened her eyes to see Barriss leaning over her. Arapto was in two pieces to either side of them and Barriss was holding both of their lightsabers. Ahsoka’s heart beat quickly and thoughts came to her of perhaps kissing Barriss.
No. Ahsoka rejected those thoughts. It was an attachment Ahsoka was not willing to make. She wasn’t ready and she was trying to follow at least some of the Jedi teachings, if not all. They were good ones, ones she respected, ones that were made for a reason. Ahsoka quoted internally to herself, “there is no emotion, there is peace. There is no passion, there is serenity.”
Ahsoka tried to forget the passion inside, but it was like trying to keep a wave from breaking. Even if not now, Ahsoka knew she would cross that forbidden rule and at least tell Barriss she loved her. Until then, Ahsoka would do her best to avoid being so physically close to Barriss. It made resisting much harder.
Ahsoka said, “Thank you for saving my life. Twice today, really.”
“And thank you for saving my life today, Ahsoka. We could keep doing this. We could work together.” Barriss offered.
Ahsoka sighed. “I need some time to think, Barriss. I’ve also been commissioned for a solo mission by my most important client, which I need to immediately go do after I take what’s left of the palladium and Arapto’s body to Duros, so I can’t start a partnership right away. But, there is one thing I can do: give you my private channel. That way, no matter where each of us are in the galaxy, you can still contact me. I never thought I’d say this, but I want to make things work again.”