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It had started as an itch in the throat that Kyuhyun had blamed on all the extra schedules he’d taken on to keep himself busy after Hyukjae moved out from the dorms. He doesn’t worry about it too much, confident that he knows his body condition best.
Until one day, when he finally can’t hold back a harsh cough in the middle of recording, and all eyes are on his open palm where a single cherry blossom petal lay.
It may have been an eternity before someone asks, “Is everything alright, Kyuhyun ssi?”
And Kyuhyun is for sure lying when he answers with a smile, “Of course.”
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He doesn’t tell anyone what happened. After all, what can he say? Hey, so I coughed up a flower petal once, which is kind of weird. Do you know anything about it? Here’s the petal if you want to do any tests. That’s just—no. It’s spring and cherry blossoms are in blossom. When you look at it that way, there’s always the possibility that he simply inhaled a petal by mistake and coughed it up later, right?
So he says, but it happens again that night in the shower. He’s washing the soap off his body when he chokes on his next breath, and his coughs as he stumbles to the sink echo within the empty shower. Kyuhyun looks down to find two petals, not unlike the one currently stashed deep in the pocket of his comfort jacket.
There is likely something very wrong going on with him, and he’s not sure if he’ll ever find out what.
•🌸•🌸•🌸•
Kyuhyun tries not to think about it, something he likes to believe he is excellent at doing. His method is simple, really: Just pretend the problem doesn’t exist. Things are just slightly more complicated when said problem doesn’t leave him alone.
“Kyu!”
Speaking of which. Kyuhyun twists his body away from the approaching Hyukjae, needing just a private moment to school his expression before dealing with the reason for his heartbreak. He’s still able to redirect his attention when they’re with the other members, but alone like this? It still hurts.
“Kyu! You’ve been gone for a bit. Let’s head back, we’re about to start filming the next part.”
“Yeah, I go—”
The word gets stuck in his throat, and there’s the tickling sensation he’s beginning to grow familiar with. Kyuhyun slaps his hands over his mouth and hacks, feeling the petals even as they’re forced from some unknown part of his body.
Hyukjae’s there in a split second, holding him close and rubbing his back like he cares. And Kyuhyun is fully aware that his bitterness is uncalled for, because he knows Hyukjae does care, and that just sends him into another coughing fit that leaves his chest on flames.
“Yah, Kyuhyun-ah! What the heck are you doing out when you’re coughing this badly? Go see a doctor, dammit!”
Kyuhyun tries to push Hyukjae away to keep him from seeing the petals. “No—” cough “—I just—” cough cough “—choked on my saliva.”
It’s a weak attempt of a joke to make Hyukjae laugh, and it fails. The man’s brows are creased, his expression stern. His pupils dark with worry Kyuhyun can see. So he gives a reassuring smile, the one he hates but knows no one can tell is fake, “Let’s head back, hyung.”
Hyukjae opens his mouth, clearly having his fair share of words to say, and Kyuhyun’s having none of that. He straightens himself, shoving his clenched fist of petals into his pocket, and walks away. There’s a twinge of something he’s able to sense within him, something he’s able to name this time but is unwilling to.
•🌸•🌸•🌸•
Like with most things, Kyuhyun eventually gets used to his strange condition, living his everyday life with the occasional twist. He wakes up one day and has the brilliant idea of recording each petal’s time and place of origin. There’s always the possibility that it’ll come in handy in the future, however far it may be.
It doesn’t take long before it becomes Kyuhyun’s new favorite pastime. It’s harmless, intriguing, and most importantly, keeps him from thinking about Hyukjae. The pages of his notebook fill up quicker than the notes he used to take in high school, and he brings it with him wherever he goes. So much so that he even forgets his trusty plush penguin once.
“Kyu, what is it you keep writing?” People have asked whenever they see him with a strange frown, buried within his notes.
And he’ll answer vaguely, “I’m studying something,” which isn’t a lie. Theory after theory he’s managed to form based on his own data analysis, many of which are but insubstantial scenarios. But what’s substantial in the way he’s coughing up flower petals? Exactly.
•🌸•🌸•🌸•
Kyuhyun’s first signs of making a breakthrough in his efforts to understand his condition comes with a price. A heavy one, at that.
Hyukjae calls to ask if he can come over to the dorms to eat your cooking, and he readily agrees. Kyuhyun has been doing better these days; fully booked, and spending time with his friends and family whenever he can. His unique little condition seems to be getting better, with his fits reduced to the occasional rasp in the dead of the night. Things are looking up, and he’s begun to think he’s moving on from Hyukjae.
And the day Hyukjae visits, it’s to drop this over their first shared meal since his moving out:
“Hey, Kyu. I don’t really know how to go about saying this, so I’ll just say it straight. Uh, I confessed to Donghae.”
Kyuhyun’s throat, which had been ticklish since Hyukjae’s arrival, begins to burn. Try as he may to force the feeling down, it only rises in an urgent and intense manner unlike any before. He slaps a hand over his mouth and nearly falls out of his seat in his hurry to get to the washroom.
“Kyu—?”
The door barely shuts behind him before he’s bent over the sink and heaving his lungs out. It’s different this time, Kyuhyun manages to think amidst the pain. Something catches in his throat, something unlike the gentle petals in its pointedness. He feels it scrape against his throat, the insides of his mouth, across his lips as he coughs up his first tree branch, cherry blossom dotted with spots of what can only be blood.
Someone slams against the door violently. “Hey, Kyu!” Hyukjae’s muffled voice comes from the other side. “Are you okay in there?”
No, I’m not, Kyuhyun whispers in his head, breaths shaky and out of rhythm with his heartbeat as he tastes copper on his tongue. Because now he has an inkling of what this all means, what it may mean.
Kyuhyun doesn’t know how he does it. How he dumps the branch into the bin, how he washes the blood away, how he perfects an expression the very definition of nonchalance before facing Hyukjae again. How he manages to reassure Hyukjae he’s fine, and expresses his excitement for two of his favorite people in the world. What did Donghae hyung say?
How he manages to keep both the urge to cough and his panic buried, to sincerely congratulate Hyukjae who dips his head with a shy, blissed smile, He said yes. We’re dating now. Then looks up at Kyuhyun through his lashes and says, I wanted you to be the first person I told.
God, how foolish he’s proven himself once again to only realise now that the petals are but a form of manifestation of his heartbreak. His heartbreak is a disease, and how he will continue to suffer for it without knowing if he can be cured. If there even is a cure.
Kyuhyun nearly scoffs when he finally absorbs all of that, hours after Hyukjae has left. Since when has his life started becoming one of those webtoons he watches on the occasion?
•🌸•🌸•🌸•
It doesn’t take nearly as long for Kyuhyun to come to terms with the possibility that he’s dying. Though, he isn’t sure that’s something worth boasting about (at the very least, it is to him). The dorm fills up with the proof of his heartbreak at a disturbing rate, the kind where it only hits you out of nowhere that what’s happening isn’t normal.
Each time he sees Hyukjae and Donghae together, the bliss radiating off them, what hurts is no longer his heart but his airway that seems to close up, and he’ll make his way to places he’s since established as his refuge to fill with the signs of spring. He’s not blind to the way his condition is worsening with time, even if it’s not something that makes itself known.
And how beautiful his disease is looking, Kyuhyun thinks, fingers brushing across the petals he’s coughed up just this week alone. Eerily so. From the vibrant pink of the fresh petals to the snow white ones from a not so distant past, they resemble a work of art. The untitled piece that would sit in a corner, going unnoticed by critics and the public alike. Something only a select few would be able to resonate with.
He picks up a branch where the flowers have since wilted, and presses it against the palm sized canvas he purchased on a whim. He simply has the feeling he will need it someday.
•🌸•🌸•🌸•
Someday comes sooner than he expects, than he is ready for. Even as he holds the wedding invitation in hand, Kyuhyun finds it hard to believe it’s happening. He feels the roots wrapping around his lungs, and he wonders if today is the day they will be crushed, putting an end to his misery.
If he’s disappointed it doesn’t, that he lives another day, then that’s not something anyone will ever know.
He picks up the phone, and dials the number he’s memorized by heart. “Hey, I need your expertise on something…”
•🌸•🌸•🌸•
When Kyuhyun passes, it’s not with the kind of peacefulness one may think or hope he has found. He’s alone in his room, surrounded by all the things dear to him, covered in petals and stained with dried blood.
His final moments are spent hacking into his sheets, clenching onto anything he’s able to, tears blurring his vision. His breaths grow harsher until it’s hard to breathe at all, and his blood that’s been burning just seconds before begins to run cold.
Kyuhyun isn’t able to think of anything at all. Not the pain, not his heartbreak, not even Hyukjae. He just feels until he doesn’t, just struggles until he’s gone, and his lifeless body slumps into eternal rest for an unfortunate soul to stumble upon sometime later.
•🌸•🌸•🌸•
Cho Kyuhyun Found Dead in Home, Cause of Death Unknown
Unresolved Deaths: The Man Who Coughed Up Flower Petals
The earth continues rotating on its axis despite those who mourn his death. Impartially, cruelly, inevitably.
They find his diary, explaining in detail this unknown condition that will much later be named the Hanahaki Disease, but never discerning the subject of Cho Kyuhyun’s heartbreak.
And one Lee Hyukjae, on the night before his marriage, finds a small parcel from an unknown sender. He rips open the plain packaging carelessly, only to freeze when he sees what sits inside. He knows at a glance what it is, who it’s from.
A framed canvas, the artwork of him and Donghae weaved together by cherry blossoms. Congratulations On Your Marriage is written across the canvas in a deep shade of red that contrasts with the romantic pink of Kyuhyun’s gift.
Hyukjae feels the beginning of a lump weighing down his throat, the stinging of his eyes as he connects the dots. There’s an overwhelming urge to vomit and he drops the canvas on his bed and makes a grab for the waste bin next to it.
What he hurls from his lips aren’t contents of the party he’s just returned from, but a single flower petal.
-End-
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kyu coughing up petals by @leneko42_2344!! thank you for making this extra painful with your beautiful art TT