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James Tiberius Kirk knew he was different from a very young age. The fact that he taught himself to read by the age of two helped with that realization. Often he wondered if he was a Fey changeling swapped out for the REAL James T. Kirk, after he had read about them in some old fairy tales at least, but if he had been it just made the need to hide his real abilities even more vital. He quickly figured out how to create a mask of ordinary, not plain but within acceptable for his age. It didn't make his mother stop looking at him with pained expressions but it did stop his brother from acting as if he was something alien. It wasn't until he overheard his mother talking to his grandparents that he realized just how different he really was.
"Tiberius I think we need to have a talk, about James" His mother's voice was firm but it held a certain edge of unease.
"What about James?" Grandpa Ti seemed evasive to James but he wasn't really sure.
"The fact that he isn't normal, and I think you know why." The bite of command was tinted with exasperation.
"What do you want me to say? That the Kirk's have been hiding a secret? Yeah we have been, because it could be life and death if it got out." His old gravely voice still held its own echo of authority.
"Did George know?" Her voice carried pain now as she glared at the old man who had begun pacing.
"Yes, I told him the truth about our family history before he joined Starfleet. The genetics are recessive in expression but dominant in inheritance, I checked and George had them just like every other Kirk. Hell they don't even trigger any particular warnings as if they were never on the records to begin with" Grandpa Ti slumped into one of the kitchen chairs again as his face seemed to crumble at the mention of his son.
"God dammit I cannot believe my husband NEVER bothered to tell me his family had fucking augments in their bloodline!" His mother's fist slammed against the table shaking the coffee cups violently. James flinched almost retreating right there but at four years old he was far braver than he had been at two no matter what Sam said.
"The traits are recessive, at most they only affect a handful of things to be slightly better than what is considered 'normal' the risk of anyone finding out our history is so minimal that we have been serving in various government agencies since just after the war." Grandpa Ti ran his hand through his short iron gray hair causing it to spike up a bit.
"Well I guess something changed, because James is not 'normal' regardless of how much he tries to make us think he is. It isn't just about his intelligence which is terrifyingly high, but physically he is.. " her voice trails off as she sees Grandpa Ti's look.
"Physically he is what?" The old man's voice was gravely almost a growl.
"It's lucky that our doctor is a very good friend to both George and I, James is a fully functional hermaphrodite. Everyone knows that the only examples of this kind of thing were among the last batch of Augments. What the fuck Tiberius am I supposed to do now?" The anger was gone from her voice but pain and doubt had replaced it.
"Hormone treatments, to prevent one sex from fully developing. It worked for my grandfather, it causes one set of reproductive organs to be infertile. Hermaphrodites aren't excessively rare, it is only ones that can both sire and carry offspring that are associated with Augments." Their voices continued but James had stopped actively listening as his brain started to consider the information already provided.
That was how James Tiberius Kirk first came to the realization that his differences were potentially a major problem. Although he didn't really understand until he read up about the third world war which history labeled the 'Eugenics War'.
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James was eight when his mother couldn't handle being around them anymore. It had been building up for the last few years as both of her sons started to visually grow closer to their father's appearance. Sam was ten going on eleven and had been taking care of James pretty much on his own for the last couple of years, his face was filled with conflicting emotions as he watched their mother pack.
"So that's it, you're going to abandon us with a stranger to go back to space?" Sam's voice was as conflicted as his face.
"Hardly a stranger Sam, Frank is my husband and your step-father for goodness sake." Winona tiredly replied as she continued meticulously placing items into her bag.
"He might as well be a stranger, I don't like how he looks at us!" Sam says 'us' but James knows he is really talking about how Frank looks at him not Sam.
"Don't be so dramatic, Frank is family and you guys will be fine after you get used to him." Winona snaps, Sam glares at her but it won't change anything and everyone there knew it.
James isn't so sure things will be fine, something about Frank makes his stomach flip flop. As if he could tell that something bad was going to happen, like the day he KNEW Sam was going to get hurt even before it happened. It was something that started when he was five, premonitions of unease that always came true. Too bad it wasn't concrete information like images of the future, then he could at least try to stop whatever was going to happen instead of just knowing that something was going to go wrong without any real useful information to work with. Nope all he got was a feeling of unease a few hours before the bad thing happened, not even a warning about future danger that was more than eight hours away. It could be shorter almost immediately prior to the event but it was never longer than eight hours, he had timed it in fact with plenty of chances given both him and Sam's proclivity to get into trouble and more often than not hurt. It wasn't the exact same feeling it seemed vague and unsure compared to the normal feeling...he just couldn't figure out if he was imagining things or not.
The first time 'Papa' Frank arranged a 'playdate' for James with one of his friends was burnt into his memory the hands and the pain weren't even what impacted him the most, no it was the voice telling him he deserved it. That he was born to be used by 'real' men, the fact that Frank only did the bare minimum to fix the damage done while berating him for liking what had happened was the part that really dug it into his head. After the third he had tried to tell his teachers about what was going on, they didn't believe him even worse they informed Frank about his 'lies', it wasn't until he had a 'playdate' with the principal of his school that he really understood why.
"Listen here you little slut, if you ever do anything like that again and it'll be your brother getting playdates as well!" Frank hissed at him after leaving welts from his belt on James' torso as punishment for seeking help. The threat worked, James refused to allow Sam to bear the same abuse. He was already guilty enough since Sam had tried to keep him safe from one of Frank's beatings and ended up with a broken arm for his troubles. James started to plan though, because eventually he was going to make everyone who touched him pay; as soon as he could make sure Sam would be safe. The first thing he did was begin to learn about programming and visual software, learning new things was the only escape he had and he devoted his entire existence to doing so.
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Sam was thirteen almost fourteen when he couldn't take it anymore, James was eleven going on ancient.
"I'm leaving, I can't do this anymore. Once I have somewhere ready I'll come back for you and we'll both be safe" Sam tried to hug him but he slipped away shuddering at the memories anyone touching him invoked as well as wanting to hide the most recent 'souvenirs' of his 'playdate'.
"If you're going, you need to leave NOW. Once Frank realizes what you are planning he will beat you half to death and then work to keep you from leaving until you're eighteen." Sam looks upset at what James said but nods sharply in acknowledgment as well.
"Just hang on a little longer James, I promise I'll get you out of here as soon as I can" Sam's voice is hoarse but the force behind his words is as solid as granite. James gives him a halfhearted smile, Sam was a good brother and he would keep his promise if he could.
"Okay Sam, I'll be waiting for you." James whispers, it's a lie but if Sam was gone then there was nothing left to keep him from enacting his plans. Every single person who had touched him was going to pay, they were going to regret what they had done to him. Especially 'Papa' Frank, he was going to be last after all his friends got what was coming to them. Three days later James grinned as he read the news, a large pedophile ring busted due to leaked evidence. He had even managed to take down the asshole who had been covering for the sick fuckers. The best part was the way Frank was beginning to panic as each arrest or suicide was announced. Not only that but he had stripped their bank accounts sending the money on a convoluted trip through the data system for the next few years before ending up in his brothers account, now the only question was how to start the plan to deal with Frank himself.
"Come on I need the money and the damn thing is an antique, four centuries old and in great condition..." the rest of what Frank says fades away as he paces in the living room. James grins as he realizes that Frank is talking about his father's car, the bastard was trying to sell his father's car to get money so he could run or maybe try to bribe someone in order to save his hide. As he contemplated the fact a sudden inspiration bloomed in his mind, like the first spring flowers boldly defying the last snows of winter. His grin is far more devilish as he begins to search for the keys to the old cherry red convertible, what better way to finish this but to go out with a bang depriving Frank of one more bit of hope before he was doomed to fall? It was exhilarating as he drove the old cherry red car down the road, he lost the convertible top early on and the wind dancing through his hair made him feel truly free for the first time in his life. Frank commed demanding his return threatening dire consequences if the car was damaged but James laughed and cut the connection before cranking the radio up. A patrol officer ordered him to pull over but he just laughed again twisting the wheel to turn down a dirt road he had been waiting for, he knew the road ended in a sheer drop into the quarry. In fact he had chosen it for that very reason, he floored the gas pedal barging through the flimsy wooden barrier meant to prevent someone from unknowingly driving off the edge. It was only at the last moment before the end that his thoughts suddenly stilled and a tiny voice asked him what would be the point if he wasn't there to see Frank fall? It was far to late to stop now, there was no stopping the car from going over the edge, but the equations of what he had to do to survive ran through his head in a split second and he slid the car sideways beginning to float over the empty space even as he desperately leaped from the falling vehicle. Scrambling to arrest his momentum, which was trying to drag him over the precipice to follow that cherry red source of freedom, he clawed at the sandy ground ferocious grin still plastered on his face. He managed to pull himself up from where he had almost lost the bid to survive, dusted himself off and smirked at the patrol officer as the man dismounted his bike.
"Is there a problem officer?" James knew his voice wasn't as steady as he wanted, adrenaline flooding his body making him feel as if he was floating and damn did it feel good.
"Citizen what is your name?"
"My name is James Tiberius Kirk" for the first time James thought that his name actually fit him as he allowed the officer to arrest him. Below in the quarry his father's car still burned and James had a revelation, he had never felt so alive as he had in the last few hours. Being good had gotten him nothing but pain and abuse, while being BAD allowed him to fix the wrongs done against him. Obviously being bad was the better choice, his smirk darkened a bit as he whispered "Fuck it, being good is overrated anyhow"
The whole incident exploded once James was taken to the hospital to be checked for injuries following his joy ride. He didn't hide the habits left over from his step-father's arranged playdates and he hadn't fixed the physical damage very well either leaving clear evidence of not only physical abuse but sexual abuse. When the doctor asked why he had driven the car over the cliff, after realizing it had indeed been on purpose somehow, James actually told the truth letting his mask slip a bit.
"Because it was the only way to escape AND to make Frank hurt at the same time" James voice trembled from the hate and disgust he was feeling, the doctor had excused himself shortly afterwards but James had better hearing than most people and could hear him talking to the officer stationed outside the exam room door.
"Clear signs of abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse and..." a sharp intake of breath before he continued "extensive indications of sexual assault. Someone has been treating that kid like shit and at a guess it is his so called guardian, I don't mean to tell you how to do your jobs but the person you should be treating as a criminal is the one abusing that kid."
The doctor seemed decent, hadn't even flinched when he found out about James being a hermaphrodite, James hadn't seen a doctor since his mother went back into space the first time. The school had labeled him a delinquent (mostly because he treated his time there like a joke due to already being well advanced, closer to the curriculum expected of someone nearly a decade his senior than an eleven year old kid), he had never really made friends with the other kids in his grade though he was friendly with pretty much all of them (even the bullies and the nerds) James had long ago learned how to use his looks and boyish charm to influence those around him. So no one had realized just how bad he was being treated by his guardian until the moment 'James had decided he had had enough' (in the words of pretty much the only reporter in their small town). His trial was a media circus but a lesser one compared to Frank's for all that both of their trials were closed door affairs, after all he was a 'victim' and Frank was a monster who had abused the son of a Starfleet legend.
"It is in the opinion of this court that while James has indeed committed a crime by endangering others, destroying property, and driving without a license, he is not a bad kid but a kid who was placed in a bad situation. As such James Tiberius Kirk will be removed from his family's custody and sent to a rehabilitation group where he will receive counseling and perform twenty four hours of community services, James will be given the option of what happens next following the completion of his community service with the support of his assigned counselor or counselors as the case may be." The ringing of the traditional wooden gavel against its wooden plate sent shivers down James' spine, even hearing Winona's pained gasps at the sentencing didn't lessen his excitement for finally getting away from the hell his life had been. His lawyer pulls him to stand holding tightly to only the fabric of his sleeve as the judge rises to leave, James barely manages to maintain a stunned expression instead of the smirk that wanted to escape. Frank had been found guilty of multiple counts of child abuse and sex with a minor (it was an extra sweet result as he had never actually touched James in that way only sold him to others). Frank was sentenced to three consecutive life sentences mostly because James was the son of Starfleet's martyr George Kirk, or at least he assumed so as he had not really been able to get any details from the closed door trial via hacking. The only reason he knew the outcome was because he had quietly asked a guard, putting a mask of fear over his voice and stance, the guard had knelt down to look him in the face and told him that Frank was never going to see the light of day ever again. As long as you knew what you were doing being bad was far more constructive than being good and following the rules ever would be.
"Where will he be sent? Will I be allowed to contact him?" Winona's wavering questions dragged James back to reality from the twisting paths his mind had wandered down as his plan finally concluded in a complete success (as far as he was concerned at least).
"You are not allowed contact with him until his guardians and James agree to allow contact. I can tell you where he is going though, Tarsus IV." James' lawyer doesn't seem to like Winona Kirk given his tone as he nonetheless responded to her question. Tarsus IV huh? It didn't ring a bell but James was sure he could learn all about it before actually arriving at his destination, a new chance to live a semi normal life maybe even a chance to see if a different situation made following the rules worthwhile.
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Notes:
Pretty sure everyone knows how Tarsus IV is nightmare fuel...
Chapter Text
Tarsus IV was in fact not that bad for a brand new colony, it was a near M-class planet the only issue being that the majority of native flora and fauna were poisonous to any species with a carbon based biology. The odd lithium based ecology was in fact one of the reasons why Starfleet kept a research station on planet, although it was located quiet some distance from the colony literally being on the far side of the planet from the colony site on an entirely different continent. The planet itself was very striking the vegetation a pastel kaleidoscope of greens, purples, silvery-whites, reds, and yellows. The plant life had in fact developed multiple versions of what would be chlorophyll on Earth, different elevations and locations were painted in the colors of the dominant chlorophyll-esque variant. Around the colony site it was silvery-white and purple that dominated although there were still instances of the other varieties in lesser amounts. James smiled as he curled into one of the observation bay's couches delightedly spending his time devouring the information available about Tarsus IV, and not just the 'civilian' level of available either. It had taken him less than a day to crack the USS Fitzgerald's computer systems, after that he had access to everything that was stored on the system minus those sections available only to command crew. Which is why he knew about the research station, it wasn't in any of the civilian files he had obtained but it was in the ship database, he idly wondered if any of the colonists even realized there was another facility on their planet or not.
The ecology information was fascinating enough he was almost tempted to focus on that alone, but he needed to know how the place he was going to be living in functioned. The care facility he had been consigned to was meant to help traumatized children who had fallen into crime have a chance to turn their lives around, nearly a quarter of the staff members were alien species known for their empathic abilities. It was actually quite amazing given the fact that the majority of them were Betazeds who's home planet had not officially joined the federation yet, the rest were Deltans both species were nearly identical to humans other than the former having black irises and the later being bald.
The facilities were situated on the edge of the colony, with their own fields to provide for the dietary needs of the staff and youths. According to the available information part of the 'rehabilitation' process was working in the fields, James had plenty of experience working with crops as he and Sam basically kept their family farm running once they were old enough to do so and wasn't worried about anything in that regard. An interesting tidbit popped out when he looked into the available schooling options, the facility held advanced courses taught by Vulcans apparently. They volunteered to assist in the education of those students who were deemed above average although their primary purpose on the colony was a civilian research group exploring the use of local flora and fauna for the Federation.
Overall the nearly three week trip passed quickly without too many issues, the crew treating him as if he was a delicate spun glass object that would shatter at the lightest touch was annoying but at least it kept them at arms length for the most part. James had adopted a new mask one that combined vulnerable, damaged, and afraid but trying to be brave with a dash of shy adorable bookworm. He thought it was going rather well honestly, given his brilliantly colored blue eyes, soft golden hair, and apparently above average good looks it was easy to feed the adults around him what they wanted to see; he knew better than to show them who he really was. He might not have as much experience as them or the ability to empathize with others as well but if it was one thing he was good at it was creating a mask that was more than skin deep, he wasn't sure but given his actual trauma he could likely even scam the empaths at the rehabilitation facility. The trick was weaving your lies with the truth so closely that it was nearly impossible to pick out the bits that didn't quite fit the story being told, and even if they could pick out the bits that weren't supposed to be there the easiest ones were all harmless and designed to just add depth to the overall performance. James smiled smugly to himself as he acknowledged his superior intellect and ability to out think pretty much everyone around him.
Tarsus IV had given James some of the most enjoyable times of his life, possibly the most enjoyable period. Of course that was before everything went to hell in a hand basket, the colony had descended into complete chaos as a virulent form of fungus rampaged through the crops. Then in the most inevitable way the adults who should have been making things better fucked them up even worse, Governor fucking Kodos decided that the only way to 'save' the colony and its colonists was to condemn half of the population of eight thousand to death. James could recall his speech after the mad man had removed his political opponents, Kodos had gathered the colony for an in person public speech. Only no one realized why the colony had been split into two different groups, it was supposedly because of the occupancy limit of the available venues but that wasn't the real reason. James had realized that something was going wrong early the day of, his stomach rolling foreboding sense of dread overrode even the pangs of hunger of his near starvation. He had begged the teachers of the facility to not attend the gathering, he had physically tried to stop every single person he could but at the end of the day he had only managed to convince two dozen kids to stay outside the venues. Even then he could hear Kodos' speech, perfectly spoken with a civilized tone and an educated accent.
“The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV.”
James felt his gut rolling as the final words were spoken followed by the sound of screaming and phaser fire, he barely managed to drag Thomas away from the venue. Luckily it was only the two of them who had stayed behind to see if maybe this time James guts were wrong about something bad occurring, both of them scrambled away from the venue turned charnel house tears falling down their faces. When they reached the cave system, Kevin had found it well before this whole thing started, everyone he had convinced had returned from scavenging what supplies they could from their homes and the facility. It was Thomas who told them what happened, James was too shattered with the realization he had missed the lead up to this tragedy. He thought he had covered all the bases with his hacking, ensured that nothing would surprise him when it was in regards to grown ups in power, but he had failed and now nearly four thousand people were dead. He had thought he was so much smarter than everyone else, that nobody could manage to get something past him, only now did he realize he had only been lying to himself about how smart he really was. The only ones he had managed to save had been those who listened to him when he begged them not to go to the speech, nearly having a full blown panic attack while trying to stop what ever was going to happen from happening to his people. Obaachan Hoshi had given him a sad smile as she left, her wrinkled hand grasping his shoulder as she leaned in to whisper close to his ear “You need to survive this, I don't know how you have realized what is going to happen but you need to survive and contact Starfleet. I know Kodo's has stated that he called for aid but it is a lie, I know you have hacked into every database in the colony so I know you can get the message out. Once you do, you need to survive. Do you understand? You are so bright Jimmy, like a beacon against the darkness, you have a greater destiny than dying here on this small backwater planet. Sayōnara Jimmy, if you see Archer tell him I said he better take care of my kids” He could tell that she wasn't speaking about her biological kids but all of the kids she mentored and taught and treated as honorary grandchildren, including one James T. Kirk who was insufferably smug and difficult to deal with. That was what broke him, she had known what was happening but went anyways and he couldn't understand why even now as he slumped to the ground in abject horror at the knowledge that a man he had once considered great committed such an atrocity without a single sign of remorse. James was thirteen smugly sure he could out think everyone, when he learned how badly wrong he actually was. That bloody twilight was the night James T. Kirk died and JT was born, he had mourned his dead, berated himself for his failings, and then he did what he had learned to do against an unfair world; JT began to plan how he would make the person who hurt him pay.
It was two days later when JT triggered the first guerrilla attack against Kodos' guards, it was a patrol of two guards armed with phasers and obviously searching for the missing 'sacrifices' that had slipped through the genocidal net laid out two nights prior. It was the first time JT took the life of another person, it was disturbingly easy to do with little to no guilt as he watched the light fade out of the two bastards eyes. Once they were well and truly dead he whistled for the others to help him strip the corpses of supplies, JT and Thomas (now called Tom-tom as they had all taken nicknames in case someone was caught and forced to reveal information to their captors) took the phasers. Following that first attack anytime the guards wandered near the edge of the colony or moved in groups of three or less the children JT had saved ensured that those guards would not be making it back to their base. It wasn't senseless violence as the days passed, no it was very calculated to cause the area the guards could patrol to collapse. If JT was going to get a message out to Starfleet he needed access to at least one long range communication device, one powerful enough to reach the research station on the other side of the planet at the very least better if he could access a communication system that could broadcast to space. Between scavenging and ambushing guard patrols his rebel band had become skilled at moving unseen and their eyes no longer held the innocence of childhood, sometimes JT regretted that. He had lost his innocence a very long time ago but he mourned the loss in those around him even as he did everything he could to keep them alive gathering wounds both physical and mental. Four weeks after the massacre JT led his best team to infiltrate a facility with the necessary broadcast systems, they made it in just fine but JT knew that once he began broadcasting there was no way for anyone still in the building to escape. So JT did what he always did best, he lied to keep the people he cared for safe.
“Look Tom-tom, you need to take the supplies we found back to the new base you identified, I'll follow along once I get the signal sent out” it was a simple lie accompanied by a devil may care smile of absolute assurance in his success, for a moment he didn't think Tom was going to buy it then it was apparent that he really didn't buy it even as he nodded in agreement. JT clapped his skeletal like hand on his friends shoulder leaning in closely just like Hoshi had with him “Survive Tom, keep the other kids alive until help comes. No matter what don't try to rescue me.”
Tom-tom's eyes glistened and it was obvious he had to fight for control before he whispered back “You got it JT, if I don't see you back at the cave the alternate pick up is the red tree grove.” then he led the rest of the group back into the star filled darkness outside.
Finally alone JT allowed himself to slump next to the transmitter, he was burning up with fever thanks to one of his many wounds being infected more likely than not. Tom-tom had probably realized that even before this mad mission had started, JT didn't eat enough or sleep enough or care enough about his own well-being according to those around him; they weren't exactly wrong he admitted. He allowed his fingers to dance over the input as he rigged the transmitter to pulse out the loudest possible distress call it could manage, too bad it couldn't actually be programmed to send it out automatically. This particular station was never meant to be used alone, it was simply a relay station, the message had to be generated and sent immediately there was no way to set it up and then leave. So JT set it up and began sending out the emergency signal by hand repeating the message over and over again, a half charged phaser lying in his lap next to the PADD. When the guards showed up he laughed at them during the entire fight one hand shooting the other constantly typing out the emergency message, he was able to down four of them before they took him out. As everything faded into black he wondered if his father had felt the same way when he sacrificed himself to save eight hundred people, so alive as if knowing that your life was going to end made you burn all the brighter.
Waking up was an unfortunate occurrence that had not been in the plan, JT was dangling from his wrists toes barely able to touch the ground when he regained consciousness courtesy of a bucket of icy water splashing over him.
“So you are the ringleader of the so called Child Rebellion? Honestly I was expecting something...more? Not a skeleton of a genetic reject pretending to be better than it actually is.” the same cultured voice that had condemned thousands to their deaths echoed in the room around him. JT laughed as he raised his head finally getting to see the face of the monster who had taken so much from him already, who would likely take his life in the end as well.
“So sorry to disappoint you” JT managed to choke out even through the pain and pressure in his chest. Kodos' hand reached out to grab his chin forcing him to turn his head this way and that, then the tight grip changed and he began to rub his thumb over JT's skin.
“You have the most amazing eyes and your face is highly attractive, overall you would probably be an acceptable toy if I was not in need of information. You will tell me where to find those disgusting brats who should have died with their parents, do that and you get to live but if you decide to pretend to be brave you will quickly learn that it will only bring you pain.” JT shuddered at the combination of disinterested voice and suggestive hand, he could see the hunger in the man's eyes. It was a hunger he was familiar with so he gave his most whimsical smile before responding
“Go fuck yourself” the hand that had been rubbing his jawline slapped his face with enough strength that he tasted blood and saw stars.
“Cling to your false bravado as long as you like, you will break and we both know that. You can do nothing else your genetics have betrayed you, you are weak not properly male nor female but an abomination of both.” Kodos stared down at him and the flame of lust and hunger in his eyes burned all the brighter, JT knew Kodos was becoming aroused by the abusive actions he had taken it was apparent in his breathing in the now bulging cloth that covered his crotch. “Let the guards soften it up...but tell them that the toys pussy is mine, they are welcome to its ass or mouth if they like though. Also make sure it remains alive until I say otherwise, it will tell me where those fucking brats are hiding before I will let it die.”
JT smiled at the dignified man before him who's cultured facade hid the mind of an absolute monster, the last thing he managed before hard hands gabbed him was to flip the monster off with both hands chained above his head and a heart felt if unimaginative “Fuck YOU”.
Time ceased to have any meaning after that, it was a constant stream of hard hands and pain. Someone wearing a medical outfit would come occasionally to ensure he wasn't going to die but mostly it was simply pain of one sort or another, Kodos seemed to visit randomly demanding JT provide the information he sought. JT eventually cracked under the continuous torture as he knew he would, it wasn't fast but even he couldn't avoid breaking under the sheer amount of horror his body was being subjected to. The only pieces of intact flesh was his face and his hands, apparently Kodos had told everyone that while they could do anything to his body they were not allowed to permanently harm his face while his hands had mostly been overlooked after they had ripped his fingernails off. He was still skin and bones, his stomach long ago ceasing to hurt (indicating he was near the point of organ failure) but still they kept hurting him, he had stopped even attempting to fight and was only vaguely aware that they had failed to find anyone at the camp he had given up, choking on his laughter as the pain burned through him was his only response to the knowledge. He had known they wouldn't find anyone and he had ensured that he couldn't give up anything of value by making Tom-tom find the new camp site, a person cannot give up what they do not know in the first place after all.
It had all become semi-routine at this point, he had timed the appearance of the guards and realized they came on a regular basis until they didn't leaving him with a dim thought of what had changed. JT didn't even know why he was bothering to continue breathing except for the fact that the so called doctor enjoyed testing things on him if JT showed signs of dying. JT was in fact fairly sure he HAD died a few times, his internal clock had gaps that it had never had previously. It took a long time before the door to his cell opened again, hours past when the guards should have arrived. It was the gasp of horror that made him actually raise his dangling head to peer through his hair at the door, a near shadow in a barely recognizable uniform was back lit by the hallway lights. JT wished he could make a snarky comment but on his last visit Kodos had the doctor do something to his throat saying that if JT wasn't going to tell him what he wanted to know then he had no need to speak at all, it was a sign that they would be disposing of him soon JT knew and that knowledge sent a shiver of relief through his battered body even as the quack had caused his throat to burn in agony.
“This one's alive!” a voice called out, gentle hands reached out trying to help him probably but only managing to hurt him due to the numerous wounds his skin was covered in “Crap, there's no signal in here! Ensign help me get him out of these chains, we need to get to an area where we can beam him on-board I don't think he will last much longer without more medical care than we can provide down here.” There was a gagging sound but then finally the chains loosened allowing him to slither nearly boneless to the floor his arms limp at his sides dislocated but no longer bearing all of his weight, JT began slipping into unconsciousness at the lessened pain with a small sideways smile on his face as he gazed up at the shadow person who had barely prevented his head from slamming into the ground. JT had once again managed to claw himself away from certain death, sure it might be only slightly less likely that he was going to die but at least there was a chance for him to survive now. The darkness finished filling his vision even as the voices above him became more frantic before they faded out completely, his last thought was that he hoped his kids were okay.
JT slipped in between consciousness and unconsciousness, nightmares coupled with a nightmarish reality for a handful of days until he was finally able to scramble his way awake. He could hear the machinery registering his increased heart rate as he held still eyes kept closed just listening at first, when nothing seemed to move his heart rate settled a bit and he cautiously opened his eyes. He was in a clean room the lights where dimmed allowing the monitors to glow against the semi-darkness, a gentle hum seemed to vibrate through the bed he was lying on and after an agonizing few minutes he identified it as the same as he experienced on the USS Fitzgerald. It was the thrum of a starships engines so he wasn't on planet anymore, it didn't mean he was safe it didn't mean that Kodos was gone. At the thought of Kodos his heart rate spiked and he forced himself out of the bed seeking shelter even as alarms blared their strident calls making him flinch and panic. A large form charged through the opened door, JT felt reality tumble as he saw one of the guards who had enjoyed tormenting him so much reaching for him. With a panicked gasp he lashed out at the form managing to knock it away before bolting through the doorway, saline line and monitoring leads ripped from his skin as he careened through the exit blindly searching for a way to escape. The medical bay beyond the door was as dim as his room had been before the lights suddenly increased in intensity leaving him momentarily stunned at the change.
“JT!” it was a voice he knew, Thomas...it was Thomas, JT turned to the person sitting up in a bed nearby half of the persons face was shrouded in bandages but it clearly was still Thomas. Relief and even more panic filtered through his system in a disjointed combination as he lunged towards the known figure, his breathing erratic and broken as he tried to force his voice to work. “JT, we're safe we're okay shhh” Thomas attempted to soothe him but the panic was rising as more people entered the area, JT crammed himself into the corner of the bed and the wall shivering uncontrollably. Memories crashing through his head as hands reaching for him were fighting against reality for dominance, the memories were winning as they overlapped what was happening pulling a weird keening sound from his damaged throat. Even as he huddled in the smallest ball he could manage, pushing against the memories his mind recalled in high fidelity, Thomas was standing between him and those who were approaching “Get away from him!” Thomas' voice was low and dangerous sounding as he stood guard.
“What in the hell do you think you are doing?” a sharp voice demanded as someone entered through another door, JT caught a glimpse of a hallway before it shut identifying it as the exit from the area.
“Dr. Poole, one of the critical care patient's monitors began alarming so Nurse Viker went to check but was assaulted by the patient who then tried to escape the area.” a young woman in a nurse uniform reported.
“I see, and why pray-tell are you all traumatizing one of my...no two of my patients?” the woman with graying red hair demanded stepping fully into the medical bay. There was an awkward shuffling as the group of adults moved away from where JT was huddling, Thomas slumped against his bed as the adrenaline seemed to leave his body wobbly and unsteady. Together they watched as the woman approached, her eyes widened when she finally got a good look at JT. “I honestly did not expect I had succeeded in not only keeping you breathing but also got you patched up enough to be wandering around my medical bay.” JT shuddered as his body betrayed him, but it was worse when he realized that he was broken mentally as well. He understood that the people around him were there to help, nonetheless panic filled his brain at the thought of being touched or of other people approaching him. He could do nothing but hold himself utterly still as the woman approached, the feeling of a hypo against his neck was followed rapidly by darkness.
In the following days his body slowly healed, his mind though was a shattered mirror of a thousand sharp shards clinking and cutting as they were flung in a whirlwind of emotions. Memories rose up and obscured reality at random moments, not only those from Tarsus but others from his past as well. The one thing he had managed to do was convince those who knew who he really was to not tell, they had been calling him JT from habit so no one on the ship seemed to realize his real identity. Based on the conversation he had overheard between the ships CMO Dr. Poole and the First Officer Commander Pike they had not found a match for his genetics either, Dr. Poole had pointed to certain sections as being altered and based on the little information they had pulled from the ruins of the facility in which they had found him those alterations were caused by the medical personnel there. JT was a mystery an unknown individual who refused to even try to communicate who he had been, James Tiberius Kirk had died on Tarsus IV there was only JT left and he wasn't the same person at all.
Chapter 3
Notes:
Time Jump, Spock and Pike are introduced.
Chapter Text
JT chuffed silent laughter as he watched the news, another group of corrupt powerful people dragged out of the shadows into the lime light. Not a bad bit of work on his part, he glanced down at the PADD in his hands reading through the information rapidly as he shifted through the feeds of his various infiltration programs. The feeling of accomplishment flooded his body and he reveled in it, nearly three years of intensive therapy and medications had barely been enough to staple his psyche back into a semblance of functional, at five years after the event (two years after he disappeared from the mandated therapy and various foster homes he had been shoved into when they returned to Earth) he was marginally better, at least he wasn't subjected to his memories overriding reality very often although he rarely slept through the night due to nightmares. The news program had started providing commentary about the corrupt official case and how it came to be cracked, JT glanced back up to catch the news displaying a distorted image in an old fashioned hoodie and Guy Fawkes mask, JT felt he looked rather dashing with his nearly glowing blue eyes glaring out of the white mask while everything else was shrouded in dark fabric and dim lighting. It was an iconic look for a hacker who delivered information to bring wrong doers to justice, very much in line with the hackers associated with 'Anonymous' from the Eugenics War era. At eighteen going on nineteen he was currently one of the (if not THE) most notorious hackers in the federation placing number eight on the most wanted list, honestly JT thought he deserved to be higher but those in charge had stated that while 'Ghost' was guilty of multiple counts involving espionage, illegal access to secured data bases, and leaking of classified information they were not higher due to the fact that they were not violent nor indiscriminate in their actions thus far. The Orion government felt differently given his rampage through the Orion Syndicate slave trading facilities last year, but everyone else didn't feel he was enough of a threat to be that concerned over. The moniker was due to the fact he not only 'ghosted' into systems he should not be able to access but because trying to track his physical location had led authorities to recently abandoned locations no matter how securely they compartmentalized their planned actions. JT listened to his intuition, the moment he felt the telltale twisting turning sensation he closed up shop, sterilized the physical location as well as the digital, and moved on to find a new hideout. It had kept him one jump ahead of authorities and hired killers for the last two years, the authorities probably would only lock him in a small cell and throw away the keys but the people who sent the killers wanted revenge because he had caused them to be exposed. After what had happened at the Tarsus IV trials, where Kodos had nearly been exonerated from the atrocities he had committed (if not for the information released to the public in Ghosts first public appearance) JT had found his calling. If those in power were not going to call wrong doers to order, if they were going to let sleeping dogs lie then he would fix the problems himself, kicking those dogs and showing the world what they really were. It didn't make those he had lost already suddenly return but it did help dampen their voices during the hours he was awake and even, to some extent, those when he wasn't.
His PADD chimed as the alarm he had set to remind him about his appointment went off, JT might be fighting the good fight against the corrupt and immoral but that didn't exactly pay the bills, at least not in a manner that would be non-traceable. Glancing at his electronic gloved hands he snapped his fingers on his right hand to initiate the link to his custom computer system.
“Awaiting Input” the gender-less British accent immediately replied.
'Transfer glove readout to PADD translator. Initiate ghost mode' JT signed as he placed his PADD in its thigh holder and headed out the door of his small apartment buried in the more run down area of San Francisco. He chuckled to himself thinking that Starfleet and the Federation would be beyond apoplectic if they realized that one of their top ten most wanted criminals was not only living in their back yard but literally working at their precious academy. Not that the job he was doing was very high level, he was working as an assistant librarian, but he did expect it to be an enjoyable occupation all things considered. The distance to the academy allowed JT to ponder on how a single instance could alter the outcome of something yet again, it had been a chance encounter with Captain Pike while bar-tending in some run down place in the city of angels a few weeks ago. The memory ran through the back of his mind as he continued along the path to the academy for his first day of work.
*Two weeks Prior in Los Angeles, CA*
JT had noticed the influx of uniformed fleet members without too much concern, this dive had become oddly popular with the engineering departments of a number of ships for no apparent reason shortly after he began working there. JT enjoyed the conversation and the engineers were always willing to give him ideas about his gloves, technically they were 'assistance devices' according to the doctors who hadn't been able to repair his vocal cords but he never considered them in that fashion. They had a few functions built-in, switching between the various functions using a few flashy or subtle hand motions, but in public he used them in conjunction with a universal translator program on a PADD to hold normal conversations with those who didn't understand federation standard sign language (Terran variant) or in private to directly work with code when he was hacking into systems as it seemed to be easier than normal typing.
'What will it be today grease monkeys?' JT signed as he stopped wiping the bar down with his towel, he grinned at the group as he tossed the towel onto his shoulder to free both of his hands.
“Still using that archaic term JT? The usual for us, heard Chief Covent from USS Arizona helped you with that wiring glitch you had with your silver hands there.” Chief Harrow from the USS Sparrow jovially called out, his gloves indeed looked like thin silver ribbons wrapping around his hands if he was to be honest it was aesthetically pleasing to look at and covered the few scars present on his hands.
'Yeah we got them straightened out and I heard the Chief sent in an official paper about it to the department that helps design these things in the first place' JT replied then worked to fill the drink order before delivering them to the engineers who had crowded around the biggest table in the place. 'Hopefully they take the information and incorporate it into any future designs, hand delivered special service for my favorite customers' he signed once he was done serving while flashing a suggestive smile at the three younger members of the group whom he had not met yet.
“Now JT no need to be seducing those youngling's, I had to patch up at least three broken hearts the last time and I would rather not do so again thank you very much” Chief Harrow laughed as he took in the stunned looks on his newest subordinates faces, JT just smiled bashfully as he wandered back to his bar to refill a few of the regulars drinks. Even over the music and talking he could hear the chief address his people. “JT isn't just a pretty face, but if you tumble into his bed don't come crying to me about being tumbled right back out of it when it's over. The boy isn't one for emotional connections, not that I blame the poor kid, given what a few of his past conquests have told me.” JT avoided looking in their direction as he is sure it is sympathy being displayed on the older man's face, his physical scars were extensive leaving very little of his skin untouched just his face and his hands were mostly scar free. Could also be because one of the chief's previous junior engineers had slept over at JT's place unplanned leading to the poor sod being scared to death when JT woke up keening from one of his nightmares, actually now that he thought about it the later made more sense. JT was surprised when a face he wasn't expecting sat himself down at his bar, Christopher Pike had been a Commander the last time JT had seen him but was now a Captain based on his insignia.
“Well this explains why a number of engineering departments have been doing so well with their projects recently.” Pike gave him a smile as he made the statement, out of all the fleet officers whom JT had known it was Pike who had figured out the most about him. Pike knew JT was the reason a distress call was sent out from Tarsus, Pike also knew that all of the surviving children were overly protective of JT making him reach the conclusion that JT was likely their leader prior to his capture. It wasn't that JT didn't like Pike as a person, because he was a great person, but he didn't like the too observant officer dressed in regulation grays sitting across from him.
'What can I get you Captain?' JT signs not bothering to engage the topic raised by Pike.
“Just a beer, what ever you think I'll like” Pike responds still starring at him as if trying to figure out how he worked, JT just shrugged and slid him an ale variant that the engineers from the USS Star-Chaser seemed to enjoy.
“Have you kept in touch with the other kids? Thomas and Kevin asked if I had seen you when I contacted them last.” JT just shook his head in the negative before turning to fill a drink order for another customer. If he ignored him long enough perhaps Pike would give up, as unlikely as that seemed to be, at least it warranted a shot.
“You know you're wasted on this right? Serving drinks in some dive while being able to assist Chief Engineers with their pet projects or official research projects” Pike is still sitting there swirling his ale while contemplating JT.
'Maybe I like how simple it is? What do you want Pike?' JT finally relented and responded to the older man who had seen him at his worst, yet still seemed to feel that he was something special.
“Enlist in Starfleet. You already proved you have what it takes to lead others and we both know it as much as you might deny it officially, or you could become one of those Engineers you seem to enjoy discussing technical details with. Hell, you could probably do just about anything given the aptitude scores I dug out of the system.” Pike's response was what JT had expected really, although the fact that Pike had gotten his hands on the aptitude tests JT had taken right before running away from his last foster home was a surprise.
'You must be joking Pike, they are not going to let a DISABLED person lead a starship or work in the engineering department of a starship.' JT responded a twisted grin on his face emphasizing the disabled label he had been dealing with for the last five years.
'They probably would not even allow someone like me to enlist' it was hard to get the translator program to display emotional content but he felt the contempt in that phrase came through rather clearly given the crestfallen look on Pike's face.
“You...you may be right as much as I would want to deny it, still I think you could do better than this” Pike waved his hand to include the entire bar “I'm currently working at the Starfleet Academy while my ship is awaiting repairs, I can't bring you on as a Professor or anything but I can get you a position on campus. At the very least you would be able to use that brain of yours rather than letting it rot while you flirt with anything that has a pulse or do mind numbingly simple tasks.”
'Not terribly interested Pike, we done?' JT shrugs as he signs his reply, sure bar-tending wasn't exactly intellectually stimulating but the hours made some things simpler and the fact that bar-tenders heard a lot of gossip didn't hurt either.
“I'm done, if you decide to change your mind here's my comm number. Feel free to contact my anytime, I hope to hear from you JT.” Pike empties his glass giving JT one more look before leaving the establishment. JT pockets the small card before carrying a tray of refills to the engineers table to continue flirting with the Chief's younglings.
*Present in San Francisco, CA*
Of course JT HAD changed his mind after his last hideout was compromised, unfortunately he seemed to have stepped on another factions toes by exposing the corrupted individuals from today's news story. Which is when he decided to contact Pike to get that offered job, after all what better place to lay low while the heat died down than Starfleets backyard right? Even if the cliche was old the truth was that hiding in plain sight was simpler, and simply better, than a number of other options. Besides with the job being a librarian with certain perks, like the ability to audit classes, it seemed like an interesting way to pass the time until he could move on and start his next crusade against corruption. Maybe off world again, he hadn't poked at the Romulans recently and their entire society was a corruption smorgasbord. JT found that it was infinitely rewarding to drag a corrupt group or individual down in an inherently corrupt society.
JT silently chuckled to himself as he proceeded to strut through the Starfleet Academy Campus to reach the library, giving the few startled cadets one of his patented smiles which judging from at least one poor student walking right into a water feature was working perfectly as intended. JT was in a great mood as he greeted his new supervisor and went through the orientation procedures for his new job, having hyperthymesia and an eidetic memory as another 'gift' from his augment genes being triggered by his high radiation birthplace, it was child's play to learn what he needed to know. It made his life so complicated, it both allowed him to learn and integrate new knowledge at an amazing pace while also tormenting him with the crystal clear memories of his past, of which it seemed to prefer the painful ones over the few good ones he had accumulated. JT finished the orientation procedures by mid-morning which seemed to please the head Librarian to no end.
“This is perfect JT, excellent work! You of course are free to call it a day as your orientation procedures were the only scheduled work, but if you want to stay you could pick up your first shift this afternoon.” Xer Kittow, was a very exuberant individual but JT wasn't sure if that was common place for Xer's species or if it was simply this individual who was so excessively outgoing. He had met a lot of individuals from most species in the Federation and more than a handful of those NOT in the federation but this was the first time meeting this particular species which he couldn't even identify! He idly considered if Xer would teach him Xer's language, the flash of Obaasan Hoshi teaching him all the languages she spoke flashed through his head and he had to scramble to stop it before it triggered far less pleasant memories on its heels. Luckily Xer Kittow did not seem to notice his lapse in attention so nodding pleasantly JT agreed to return for the afternoon shift, then he made a rather hasty retreat to find a quiet corner to deal with the memories he had only managed to delay not stop.
A small balcony courtyard garden on the third floor of the library was the spot he ended up choosing, based on the slight indications of disuse it did not appear to be a favorite spot of the students or staff, the plants were slightly overgrown creating a more wild appearance than expected. The plants also offered cover to hide in their shade as some of his worst memories attempted to replace his connection to reality. Breathing deeply even as the first horrors tried to overlap the greenery around him JT focused on the skills he had learned from his three years of therapy, concentrating on things he could see, things he could touch, reminding himself that once again the images trying to become reality were nothing but illusions thrown up by his mind. JT uncurled to lie flat on his back as he managed to shove the memories back into their corner, he raised a hand to the verdant leaves above his head then let the arm drop to cover his eyes with a sigh as he drifted half awake letting the adrenaline and fear slowly dissipate with each timed breath.
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S'chn T'gai Spock son of Sarek and Amanda Grayson was considering whether his current life path was an unwise decision, a touch telepath surrounded by psi null individuals who insisted on being...touchy...was a less than optimal situation. Recollections of his refusal to attend the Vulcan Science Academy, and the reason why, reaffirmed that this was the optimal choice given the circumstances he would simply have to adapt to his new environment. Perhaps seeking a quiet location to recenter his shields and self would allow him to compensate for his fellow cadets illogical touchiness. In the first few days of attendance Spock had found that the campus library was an excellent spot to find solitude, it appeared that a significant number of his fellow cadets avoided it for some reason he had yet to ascertain as it was a perfectly acceptable repository of knowledge. Today though appeared to be different as the library held a higher population than previously determined, fortunately Spock recalled a balcony garden on the third floor which he had observed to be rarely if ever frequented.
Upon reaching the location Spock was admittedly surprised to find it already occupied, a slender form lay beneath the verdant leaves of the foliage bathed in the dappled sunlight. He was mesmerized by the image before him as shadow and light danced over the recumbent form, golden hair glimmered in the dance but it was the silver shrouded hands that drew his attention the most. They appeared elegant and strong although he did not comprehend the reason behind the silver garments that wrapped them, he found the combination aesthetically pleasing as the silver contrasted with the pale golden skin that was not covered. Spock felt a blush flush his face and ears as he removed his improper gaze from the prone individual, the young man had not stirred when he entered the small garden and based on the even breathing Spock theorized that there was a 99.56% chance that the human had fallen asleep. Choosing not to rouse him Spock considered leaving but was reluctant as this spot was one of the few he knew of that would typically be unoccupied, finally he decided to move to the opposite side of the garden and settled into a meditative poise.
It was oddly easy to relax into his meditation as the even breathing of the young human male coupled with the warm, for San Francisco, sunlight that shone unblocked by vegetation in the corner he had chosen created a most beneficial environment for his endeavor. Spock spent some time reinforcing his mental shields and parsing through his emotions to properly contain them before ending his meditation, he felt oddly disappointed when he returned his senses to the outside world and realized that the young man had left some time during his meditation.
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JT was surprised when he woke up feeling refreshed, typically after one of his episodes any sleep was plagued by nightmares leaving him to suffer from insomnia for days afterwards as he tried to avoid the terror and pain. Checking his PADD he was relieved to find he still had time to grab some food from the cafeteria (another nice perk of working as an assistant librarian) before he needed to return for the afternoon shift. Stretching to his full length arms above his head JT rolled to his feet in a move that one of his physical therapists always termed catlike, one of the few things JT had enjoyed after the event was his physical therapy. It had allowed him to hone his body, to learn new aspects of himself that made him feel more in control. Of course he nearly ruined his smooth style by falling on his ass in surprise as he realized he was no longer alone in the secluded garden, a cadet was seated in the far corner fully bathed in the sunlight. Given his general appearance JT was fairly sure he was a Vulcan, since the only real other option would be Romulan and a Romulan Starfleet cadet would be immensely more unlikely than a Vulcan one. The young male Vulcan was aesthetically pleasing in the way that some Vulcans could be, striking with a flush to his pale skin that reminded JT of spring leaves with sunshine glowing through them, but what surprised him was that the red of his cadet uniform somehow worked with his dark hair and everything else to create a harmonious appearance. JT pulled his eyes away from the intriguing cadet and quietly slunk out of the garden so as not to disturb its other occupant, lunch called and then it was off to do some
legitimate work to pay his bills.
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S'chn T'gai Spock found himself inexplicably drawn to the library's new young assistant, he would often find himself sitting where he could observe the golden haired teen working. He had learned the reason for the silver garments on the young mans hands as he interacted with cadets and staff members although it had required some research to verify his gathered data, the gloves appeared to be assistance devices for those who, due to medical reasons, could not produce speech normally. In Terran parlance the young librarian was mute, it was a very rare situation to be in as modern medical science could repair genetic damage in-utero and could also repair most traumatic damage without any issues.
It peaked Spock's curiosity as to what had caused such a unique disability in someone so young, the fact that he had overheard a conversation between some cadets and the young librarian covering a number of subjects was simply an additional point of interest. Spock was unsure what the correct human social procedure was for initiating a conversation on such personal matters though, so instead simply observed the interactions of others with the intriguing young human. He learned that the young librarian was named JT, although this too confused him as most Terrans were named differently and his research into naming schemes indicated that JT was likely a nickname although perusal of Academy staffing information contradicted that indication as JT was the only name information provided for the golden haired teen. Spock found the enigma and mystery behind the youth fascinating, the one lead he did note was that the reason JT had acquired the position was due to Captain Pike therefore if he wanted to find more information discreetly he would need to speak with Captain Pike.
Spock found his chance relatively easily as Christopher Pike was his mentor in the Academy, as the first semester was drawing to a close prior to the winter holidays he received a summons for a meeting with Pike. The meeting went fairly the way Spock had expected, he was exceeding the requirements in all of his classes, although Pike would prefer to see him interact with his fellow cadets more, suggesting that Spock should join one of the extra curricular clubs after some consideration Spock agreed to attend a few meetings to see if they were acceptable.
“Well that is about it, do you have any questions or concerns you would like to talk about?” Pike asked leaning back in his chair.
“I do have some inquiries but they are not related to the topics we have just covered.” Spock's reply was straight forward, he observed how Captain Pike reacted to his response which was in mild amusement.
“I did say ANY questions or concerns Spock” Pike was smiling now, although Spock was unsure as to what prompted the amusement in his response.
“I would like to discuss JT then, I have found the records in regards to the librarian lacking in content and desire more information.” His question seemed to be exceedingly shocking to Pike who leaned back becoming more pensive.
“That was not a question I was expecting to be honest, JT is...” Pike trailed off as he stared at the wall behind Spock blankly for nearly 15.8 seconds.
“Captain Pike? Have I broached an inappropriate subject?” He did not wish to cause the Captain problems with his idle curiosity after all.
“Not inappropriate Spock, simply complicated. JT has an interesting past and some of it is under a security blanket for his protection, so I am having to consider what information I am free to provide. Although I am not against providing you some information, I wonder what information you are trying to find and why?” Pike finally responded leaning on his desk face a complicated mixture of emotion that Spock was unable to clearly define.
“The why is simple I find him a mystery and desire to know more, the information that currently intrigues me is his disability and name. Both are outside standard expectations of what should be considered normal for a human.” He replied honestly, Pike's face changed into a contemplative demeanor.
“If you were human I would be wondering if you were smitten, God knows the kid has seduced a distressing number of starfleet officers and now cadets already. Given that you are Vulcan though that is probably not a consideration” Pike pauses to gaze at him in consideration “probably. I can't give you details but I can give some answers I suppose. JT was pulled out of a bad situation by starfleet about five years ago give or take there were no records of who he was or where he was from when we found him, and given the alterations to his DNA by the people who held him, tracking down his past has proven...difficult to say the least. As for his disability? Well the people who had him decided he didn't need to be able to speak and used a medical procedure to ensure he couldn't, by the time we pulled him out of there it was too late to fix; nearly too late to even save him honestly.” Pike's eyes were filled with a strong emotion which Spock was not sure but tentatively labeled as regret and horror at the thought of what had occurred in the past.
“You speak as if you were there when JT was rescued from the abhorrent situation?”
“I was, I was the one who found him more dead than alive. Still with that cocky smirk on his face, damn brat. We weren't sure if we could save him given the severity of his injuries, gave the CMO on our ship nightmares apparently after she had patched the kid back together and written the reports. He caught my attention pretty fast and I have been trying to keep tabs on him ever since, not that it has been easy mind you. Moving around the planet every couple of weeks after running away from his last foster home, disappearing off world at least eight times, I swear half the gray in my hair is due to him. Finally tracked him down in some dive bar in Los Angeles and the only reason I managed to do that was he was helping various ship's engineering departments as a recreational effort while bar-tending...boy's a fucking genius and he was wasting it doing random low end jobs.” Pike ran a hand through his hair and sighed in exasperation once again leaning backwards in his chair. “Honestly I would love to recruit him into starfleet but the little bastard was right when he stated that starfleet wouldn't allow someone with a 'disability' to enlist, hell I was barely able to net him the assistant librarian position because of the stupidity about his vocal cords being burned out.”
“You seem to be invested in his well-being, is it because you were a part of his rescue?” Spock knew that humans could easily become attached to what they termed 'strays' of both the animal and human variety, especially humans who had strong parenting instincts.
“Partially, it isn't the only reason but it does tie into it. Another part is that he has so much promise, he should be able to show the world how good he really is instead of being labeled as lacking and pitied. Then there is the fact that he reminds me of an old acquaintance from my academy years, after his death I wanted to help his family but never got the chance.” Pike's response sounded tired, Spock considered the information gathered sufficient for the moment and gently disengaged from the conversation leaving the Captain to his thoughts. Alone in his dormitory he pulled up relevant files regarding Captain Pike, who five years ago was the first officer onboard one of the starships which responded to the Tarsus IV incident. Spock was dismayed when he realized that JT had been present for the horrible event, had barely survived the tragedy in fact. There were a number of papers published in regards to the Tarsus survivors, all carefully written to ensure that no personal information was provided but given his new knowledge it was easy to pinpoint those discussing JT in particular. One data point did stand out to him in particular, a request was placed for access to JT in order to continue the study on how his genetics had been altered, no more than four hours later there was a flag indicating that JT had run away from his foster home. The timing was an interesting enigma, had the request triggered the flight or was it simply correlation of two independent items. Spock found that the more he learned about the mesmerizing young human the more he wanted to know, he seriously considered if Captain Pike had not been accurate to say that he was 'smitten' with the mysterious JT.
Chapter 4
Notes:
From Assistant Librarian to Cadet...plus the obligatory bar fight scene...
Chapter Text
JT had never thought that what he considered a temporary position would last for three years, nor had he considered that Pike would manage to get an exception for his enlistment into Starfleet. The very last thing he had thought would happen was that he would EVER return to Riverside Iowa, yet here he was drinking in a dive bar near the ship yards. Why had he even agreed to this? Sure Pike had certainly pushed all of his buttons challenging him to come down and give the engineers building the new Constitution class vessel a helping hand, but he should have known better for fucks sake. Too many people here who remembered 'poor little James Kirk', hell there were fucking memorials to both his father and him. The statue of his father in the town had been altered to include a version of his eleven year old self, all credit to the artist whomever it had been, the damn thing was based on the police imagery of right after he drove that cherry red convertible into the quarry it was accurate down to the smirk on his face.
“Come on JT, what are you moping around for? You're finally getting to join the fleet! This should be a celebration!” G.P. Hendorff slapped his back as he leaned in to order another round for the security cadets.
'Leave me be Cupcake, I got my reasons' JT signed turning around on his seat to lean back on the bar, unconsciously posing to ensure he looked his best, he gazed out on the mixed crowd of red uniformed cadets and civilians.
“Am I ever going to lose that silly nickname?” The security cadet good-naturedly grumbled as he left with his drinks.
'Probably not, I think it fits your personality.' JT signed giving a silent laugh at the burly cadet's back. JT continued watching the crowd raising his glass to acknowledge the hot linguist Uhura who STILL had yet to gift him her first name, he noticed the group of men who were leering at him but ignored them. JT had given up seducing people for one night stands for the most part, having run through a startling high number of Starfleet officers and cadets in the last three years had kind of dimmed the urge to seek temporary satisfaction at the cost of long term complications. The majority of cadets here were just finishing their first year at the academy, JT had already convinced a number of professors to sign off on his audited courses so he was basically at a similar position although some of the courses he had audited were for more advanced cadets he would need to take the boring entry level courses before he truly 'caught up' to them.
“Well look what we have here, hey pretty boy why don't you and I get more acquainted?” a foul smelling breath blasted into his face as one of the group of leering civilians stepped into his personal space, the large man was almost grinding his crotch between JT's legs at this point in time.
'Fuck off, not interested' JT signed and followed it up by pushing the larger man with the hand not holding his drink. The rest of the morons group had forced themselves into the area around him and JT sighed realizing that this was not going to end well, fuck but Pike was going to be pissed when he showed up to collect the cadets. Unfortunately the ugly idiot didn't take no for an answer and simply moved closer pinning JT against the bar with his hands on either side and his face directly in JT's. Flickers of a different face overlay the one in front of him and JT shivered as a memory forced its way to the surface, shaking he tried to focus on anything else but everything happened to fast and he was plunged into the memory. By the time it had run its course the bar was a completely different scene, the civilians who had been surrounding him were fighting security cadets while everyone else was simply trying to get out of the way. Uhura was crouched next to him on the floor by the bar, she had one hand on his shoulder but was watching the fight with her full attention.
'What happened?' his PADD's translation grabbed Uhura's attention, he could see the worry and concern in her eyes as she leaned in to check on him.
“When those assholes surrounded you everyone expected them to get turned away, but when they didn't and the bar-tender started looking worried Hendorff forced his way into the group. Didn't like what he saw so he belted the person assaulting you and the rest of the security cadets joined in, you were nearly comatose JT wouldn't respond to me at all. What happened?” He could see the worry but just shrugged.
'Bad flashback Uhura, nothing that hasn't happened before.' JT signed before removing his gloves and standing up, he tossed both his gloves and PADD to Uhura before wading into the bar fight himself. The lingering taste of foulness from the memory and potentially from that ugly fucker kissing him drove his anger to new heights as he lashed out at the group of civilians fighting the security cadets. He was remorseless in his assaults moving into the group and dealing the most non-lethal damage possible to drop his opponent before continuing to the next, before he could get to Cupcake and the asshole who had triggered that horror of a memory a loud whistle broke through the noise. Every single cadet came to attention simultaneously and the abrupt change caused the last two civilians who had been fighting to stop in confusion, JT glanced at the entrance and as expected an irate Pike was standing there looking impeccable in his uniform. Fuck, this was exactly what he hadn't wanted Pike to walk into, JT surreptitiously wiped at the blood on his face trying to make it less apparent.
“Now who is going to tell me what is going on?” Pike's command snapped out while he was glaring at everyone in the place.
“Sir! This individual was assaulting a cadet whom I determined was not in a condition to provide consent, they refused to cease when told to do so and instead turned physical. My fellow cadets only joined in when the group became violent, Sir!” Cupcake's voice was solid, a growl of anger making it deeper than it would normally be. Pike looked like he was contemplating the information, taking in the scene and the how the people looked as he waited.
“The pretty boy wasn't saying no, and we would have had a great time if you hadn't interrupted us.” Ugly was definitely an idiot, he was mopping blood off his face from a broken nose and had the gall to say those words while leering at JT. Pike's look turned from disappointed to furious in under two seconds as he tracked where the thug was looking, JT turned away from Pike's demanding look waiving his bloody knuckled bare hands as an excuse to not respond to the look.
“I see, since this was clearly justified, I will handle the fallout. Everybody out, shuttle leaves tomorrow at oh-eight hundred don't be late. Hendorff make sure you keep an eye on them would you? Hate to be missing one when we get back to San Fran.” Pike glances at the security cadet before turning his attention to the civilians, JT moves to collect his gloves and PADD from Uhura before allowing Cupcake to herd them after the rest of the cadets who have already vacated the dive.
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JT was the only one on the shuttle wearing civilian clothing, giving Uhura and Cupcake a wave as he settled into his seat.
“You want to talk about it JT?” Cupcake had to be one of the least likely people that JT expected to hear that phrase out of, the burly security cadet didn't seem like the type to want to talk about feelings or trauma.
'Not really, would rather forget the whole thing if I could' JT signed tiredly, he only ached a bit from the whole thing but the nightmares afterwards had been the worst in recent experience.
“You need a doctor.” One of the enlisted Shuttle crew snapped drawing JT's attention.
“I told you people, I don't need a doctor. I am a doctor.” a gruff southern accent snaps, JT can't see who is having the conversation but it seems to be heading in his direction.
“You need to get back to your seat.” Frustration was boiling in the crew woman's voice, having met a number of shuttle crew before JT was willing to bet the crew woman was about to lay the law down.
“I had one in the bathroom with no windows.” That same gruff voice responded, JT could see the crew woman herding a man in civilian clothes in his direction, smirking he looked over at Uhura to see if she was watching the drama.
“You need to get back to your seat, now!” The pair of individuals had reached JT's seat and judging from the heated look in the crew woman's eyes he didn't think the scruffy civilian had a chance.
“I suffer from aviophobia. It means fear of dying in something that flies.” the gruff southern accent had a tinge of unease, apparently he really did have an issue with riding in the shuttle.
“Sir, for your own safety, sit down or else I'll make you sit down.” the barked command seemed to curb the broad shouldered southerner as he slumped into the seat next to JT.
“Fine.” the grumbled response was semi-deflated sounding, the man looked like he had been on a three day bender which was easy to tell as JT had a lot of experience with three day benders both personal and otherwise.
“Thank you.” the crew woman huffed then left after ensuring the seat restraints were in place.
The intercom crackled an announcement “This is Captain Pike. We've been cleared for takeoff.” JT sighed as he leaned back in his seat, finally leaving the hell hole that was Riverside Iowa where it belonged; behind him.
“I may throw up on you.” the gruff statement pulled JT back into the present as he turned to look at the older man seated next to him.
'I think these things are pretty safe.' JT signed trying to give some comfort to him.
“Don't pander to me, kid. One tiny crack in the hull, and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. A solar flare might pop up and cook us in our seats. And wait 'til your sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles. See if you're still so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding. Space is disease and danger after darkness and silence.” and wow the guy could really get passionate about this kind of thing, though JT had to laugh silently as he responded.
'Well, I hate to break this to you, but Starfleet operates in space.' he hadn't meant to cause the guy any pain but he could see in how his face fell that he had.
“Yeah, well, got nowhere else to go. The ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce. All I've got left is my bones.” the southern accent was thick as the man pulled a flask out of his jacket pocket, JT was surprised when he was offered a swig but accepted.
'JT' he signed as he handed the flask back.
“McCoy, Leonard McCoy.” McCoy responded, although JT had already decided to call him Bones. It was simply too good of a nick name to let go, not only did the guy say he was a doctor but his last statement about only having his bones left was a clincher. JT smiled as he leaned back once again relaxing into his chair while distracting the good doctor with questions, turns out he had a little girl and was more than happy to gush about her for hours on end. Sadly it did not keep him from puking on JT, but not even that could dim the warm feeling building inside JT's chest as he felt an instant kinship with the gruff southern doctor.
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'I'm taking the test again, this time I am going to beat it!' JT signed vigorously, and he meant it too. The Kobayashi-Maru was meant to test command track cadets but JT could not stand the fact that the damn thing was rigged, there was practically no way to win it. Technically there was absolutely no way to win the damn thing doing what you should be doing, unfortunately for whoever programmed it JT had spent months dissecting the programming before his second attempt. After verifying the information he had gathered was correct, while simultaneously giving the command track cadet in charge the highest score so far recorded, he had fine tuned his approach to trigger some secondary programming that appeared to be orphan fragments from an earlier iteration of the program. It required some very specific steps to trigger but once triggered it should create a shift in the active program that would allow for a significant chance at actually beating the simulation.
“Come on JT, what is it with you and that damn test? Nobody can beat the Kobayashi-Maru, and no one is thick enough to go back for seconds let alone take it a third time.” Bones grumbles as they walk through campus towards their next class.
'Third times the charm Bones, I want you with me when I beat it.' JT signed smiling at a group of first year cadets, just because he didn't choose to sleep around anymore didn't mean he stopped flirting.
“You know, I've got better things to do than to watch you take that test a third time. I'm a doctor, JT, I'm busy.” the reply was nearly snarled but JT just huffed in silent laughter.
'Come on Bones, doesn't it bother you no one has beaten it before? Don't you want to be a part of the first team that does?' JT signed back smiling even more broadly as he looked at his grumpy best friend.
“How do you even keep convincing command track cadets to let you tag along? I mean seriously why aren't the instructors putting a stop to your shenanigans?” Bones grumbled as they reached his destination.
'Easy, Cadet Miran told everyone that I was the reason they got such a good score. Pretty much every single command cadet in line to take the test has been bugging me to be a part of their team and the professors can't step in because cadets are allowed to pick their team. I got Cadet Gallous to agree to take you and Uhura as well as me on his team for his run, so please say yes?' JT begged giving his friend puppy dog eyes, which was an ultimate attack according to everyone he knew, and smiled as Bone's face melted in defeat.
“Fine, but I swear JT this is the last time. After this you stop obsessing over that damn test!” Bones finally agreed then waived as he headed towards his class. JT smiled and left for his own class whistling a jaunty tune, he was even more pleased when no less that three cadets walked into various things while staring at him as he made the walk. Today was a great day, but a better one was coming up.
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“We're receiving a distress signal from the USS Kobayashi-Maru. The ship has lost power and is stranded. Starfleet Command has ordered us to rescue them.” Uhura was on the communication station here in the test just like she would be on a real starship someday, right now she sounded testy and it was probably because JT asked her to be here.
'Two Klingon vessels have entered the neutral zone and are locking weapons on us.' JT signed, then made a subtle signal to Cadet Gallous. The first thing that needed to happen was nothing, as odd as that seemed. If you took action before a specific segment you couldn't trigger the secondary program fragments.
“That's okay.” Cadet Gallous replied, JT had to give it to him he looked calm and assured that everything was going to work out.
'Three more Klingon warbirds decloaking and targeting our ship.' JT stated, this time his hands danced over his station triggering a very specific sequence of events. Once again he sent a subtle signal to Cadet Gallous, the second phase had been initiated and it was on him to trigger the third phase.
“They're firing, Captain.” Bones called out.
“Alert medical bay to prepare to receive all crew members from the damaged ship.” Cadet Gallous commanded Uhura, alerting medical would trigger the third phase which would cause a cascade effect that would allow them to win.
“And how do you expect us to rescue them when we're surrounded by Klingons, Captain.” Uhura snapped, obviously she wasn't interested in following the script blindly.
“Alert Medical” Gallous snapped, Uhura turned to do her job and JT let out the breath he had been holding.
'Our ship is being hit. Shields at sixty percent.' JT signed, fingers dancing he checked everything and nodded at Gallous as the system seemed to stutter lights dimming for a second before coming back online.
“Arm photons, prepare to fire on the Klingon warbirds.” Gallous commanded as the lights stabilized.
'Prepared to Fire' JT signed a grin plastered across his face.
“Captain, their shields are still up!” Bones looked panicked, JT was in charge of firing but Bones had been keeping track as his back up.
“Are they?” Cadet Gallous inquired a predatory grin spreading across his face as he looked at his own readings.
“No, they're not!” Bones replied startled as he looked back at his own station's readings.
“Fire on all enemy ships. One photon each should do it, so don't waste ammunition.” Gallous commanded, he looked entirely too pleased with the current situation.
'Target locked and acquired on all warbirds. Firing.' JT signed waiting for results of destroyed warbirds to fill his sensors before continuing 'All ships destroyed, Captain.'
“Begin rescue of the stranded crew. So, we've managed to eliminate all enemy ships, no one onboard was injured, and the successful rescue of the Kobayashi Maru crew is underway.” Cadet Gallous stated grinning happily at JT who gave him a brilliant smile in return.
'Appears so Captain, guess that means we won.' JT signed happily as the group of cadets continued to go through the motions required to wrap up the simulation.
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“This session has been called to resolve a troubling matter. Robert Gallous, step forward. Cadet Gallous, evidence has been submitted to this council, suggesting that you violated the ethical code of conduct pursuant to Regulation One-Seven point three of the Starfleet Code. Is there anything you care to say before we begin, sir?” Admiral Richard Barnett was in charge of the Academy Tribunal that had been called in regards to Cadet Gallous and JT defeating the unbeatable program.
“I beli....” Cadet Gallous began to speak but JT interrupted him as he stood up and stepped into the aisle.
'Cadet Gallous didn't cheat Admiral' JT signed staring at the board gathered below. He hoped that this trial was the reason his instinct had been screaming at him, but since nothing had changed he was worried that something worse was coming.
“Cadet what do you mean and what proof do you have?” Barnett asked, Pike wasn't on the board but he could feel his eye's boring a hole into his side from where he was seated.
'I know Cadet Gallous didn't cheat because I am the one who found the flaw in the program, once the correct steps had been taken winning was a viable chance. I mean it wasn't even cheating because we didn't touch the inherent programming nor did we use any tool that was not available to others, the path to victory was already baked into the Kobayashi-Maru it was just not very easy to find.' JT signed, the board was looking between themselves confused.
“Commander Spock, you programmed the test so can you understand what the Cadet is stating?” Barnett asked finally, a Vulcan in a professor's uniform stood up across the isle from JT and slightly closer to the ground level, JT recognized him from his first three years at the academy as an assistant librarian.
“I believe that the Cadet is indicating there is a...glitch...that they found and utilized in order to overcome what should have been an unwinnable situation.” the young Professor responded peering at JT intently.
'The test was already rigged to be unbeatable, only much like in reality there is no such thing as a no win scenario. We found the method that allowed the chance of victory and we grabbed it' JT signed defiantly glaring down at the young Professor below him.
“Your argument precludes the possibility of a no-win scenario.” Spock's response was interesting, there was no bite or heat in the statement simply a subtle sense of curiosity.
'I don't believe in no-win scenarios, if I did I probably would be dead right now' JT responded, he caught a glimpse of Bones flinching from that statement but what really startled him was that the look on the professor's face shifted minutely as some emotion seemed to flit across his eyes.
“Then, you failed to understand the principle lesson.” Spock responded after a moment, something seemed to shift in his stance or a subtle change to his calm demeanor but JT couldn't identify what was different.
'Enlighten me then, because I find that the lesson I took away from the test was different than what you feel it should have been' JT crossed his arms when he was done signing, belligerence clear as he looked at the man standing below him.
Spock cocked his head slightly as if contemplating the right words before he spoke “The purpose is to experience fear. Fear in the face of certain death. To accept that fear, and maintain control of oneself and one's crew. This is a quality expected in every Starfleet captain.” Spock responded then continued “Lieutenant George Kirk, assumed command of his vessel before being killed in action, did he not? His is an example of a no-win scenario Cadet.”
'That depends on how you define winning, Commander. If the parameters are that the rest of the crew and his family were safe then dying to achieve them meant that Lt. Kirk succeeded, he won in other words even if the end result was his death.' JT signed forcefully, being reminded of his father's death was not something he had been expecting but honestly he should have been given how much Starfleet seemed to use him as their poster child these days.
“Excuse me sir!” Admiral Barnett's aide rushed in handing a PADD over to the Admiral.
“We've received a distress call from Vulcan. With our primary fleet engaged in the Laurentian system, I hereby order all cadets to report to Hangar One immediately. Dismissed.” Admiral Barnett's clear voice barked out the order and organized chaos descended as the assembled personnel moved to follow his command.
'Who was that pointy-eared bastard?' JT signed as he moved beside Bones on the way to the hangar.
“I don't know, but I like him.” Bones responded with a smirk, JT slapped his arm as they hurried on their way.
Chapter 5
Notes:
To be fair JT has a very long list of the 'stupid shit I've pulled' variety
Chapter Text
'Did you seriously talk that Commander into letting you on board the Enterprise?' JT signed as the shuttle began it's lift off procedures.
“I merely pointed out that I regularly demonstrated exceptional aural sensitivity, and I quoted him as telling me I had "an unparalleled ability to identify sonic anomalies in subspace transmission tests?" Uhura shrugged nonchalantly.
“Feel bad for poor Gallous though, he's on academic suspension cause of the whole 'cheating' thing.” Bones grumbled, JT nodded absently far too enraptured by the scenery outside his window.
'Sucks but at least he will be safe at the Academy, we are about to fly into danger. Seriously I am not kidding, something BAD is going to happen.' JT signed only turning to look at his friends when he realized they had gone quiet.
“JT you can't say things like that!” Uhura hissed, he shrugged and turned his attention back to the window.
'Say that transmission you translated a couple of days ago, it said forty-seven Klingon ships were destroyed right? Did you get anything else out of it?' JT turned to Uhura, he could see her thinking as she considered what he was asking about.
“It was a Romulan ship, that was pretty much it. Why bring that up?” Uhura tilted her head in confusion.
'Just a feeling, believe me or not but yeah something bad is going to happen so we need to be ready.' JT signed then leaned into the window to get the best look at the Enterprise he could, this was the ship he had spent three months helping build and program just before he enlisted as a science track cadet. She was beautiful floating there against the blue and green sphere of Earth, she wasn't even supposed to officially commission for another few weeks but this was an emergency. Would Pike believe him? Fuck, it wouldn't be the first time JT broke the rules to keep people alive only this time the consequences would be serious even if he was right. Hopefully he could convince Pike that they were flying into trouble otherwise he would have some serious explaining to do, because he wasn't going to let the ship and its crew fly into danger defenseless.
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After dumping his bag in his assigned quarters, changing into a science blue uniform, and puttering about in the science lab for two hours there was finally a change as the intercom came to life. JT would have rather been doing something about the sense of doom hanging over him, but he had no concrete evidence to back up his claim and without it no one would believe him.
“May I have your attention, please. At twenty-two hundred hours, telemetry detected at an anomaly in the neutral zone. What appeared to be a lightning storm in space.” the heavily accented voice that JT identified as the Russian wiz kid Chekov came over the comms he turned to watch the young curly haired man seated on the bridge make the announcement of their orders, although the mention of the lightning storm in space already had him on his feet. “Soon after, Starfleet received a distress signal from Wulcan High Command that their planet was experiencing seismic actiwity. Our mission is to assess the condition of Wulcan, and to assist in the ewacuations if necessary. We should be arriving at Wulcan within three minutes. Thank you for your time.”
'Uhura, I need you to meet me on the bridge. It is about that transmission you intercepted, and it is urgent! Uhura please trust me.' JT was walking towards the turbo lift that would take him to the bridge even as he sent the message to Uhura, hopefully she would at least be willing to indulge him for a little bit. Standing in the turbo lift he did the best he could to calm his nerves but honestly he was far too distressed, lightning storm in space and a Romulan ship were exactly the conditions that had happened the day he was born. The day his father had died trying to keep the rest of his crew safe, trying to keep JT and his mother safe. All too soon the doors opened and he strode onto the bridge, he ignored the inquisitive looks he was getting even as he approached Pike who was seated in the Captain's chair. Before getting there he disconnected his gloves from the translator, Pike could understand Standard Sign Language and it would be less of a problem if it was a private conversation.
'Captain, we need to stop the ship or at the very least we need to raise shields' JT signed as soon as he was sure that Pike was looking at him. 'We're flying into a trap'
“JT what are you doing here? I thought you were assigned to the Farragut!” Pike looked upset, JT couldn't really care since they had less than two minutes to either stop or raise shields.
'Vulcan is not experiencing a natural disaster. It's being attacked by Romulans.' JT signed urgently, he had to get Pike to understand or take matters into his own hands and that would end badly.
“Romulans? Cadet JT, I think you've had enough attention for one day.” Pike responded starting to turn away, they had very little time to do something before the Enterprise found itself in a bad position and JT was starting to think he would have to trigger some of the ghost programs he had buried in the Enterprise's computer systems.
“Cadet JT you are not authorized to be on this ship let alone the bridge” Spock moved closer, JT snarled before re-initializing his translator.
'I have been assigned to the Enterprise for the last three years, it wasn't exactly hard to put in a trigger program that would change any orders I got to send me to your ship Pike! Please just listen to me!' JT signed then noticing the turbo lift open with Uhura and Bones walking out 'That same anomaly, a lightning storm in space that we saw today, also occurred before a Romulan ship attacked the USS Kelvin. You know that, sir, I read your dissertation. That ship which had formidable and advanced weaponry was never seen or heard from again. The Kelvin attack took place on the edge of Klingon space and at twenty-three hundred hours last night, there was an attack. Forty-seven Klingon warbirds destroyed by a Romulan, sir. It was reported that the Romulans were in one ship, one massive ship. Uhura tell them what you translated!'
“Sir, I intercepted and translated the message myself. JT's report is accurate” Uhura replied, she was gazing at JT in a calculating fashion but JT was busy watching the clock which was rapidly running out.
JT signed frantically, they didn't have much longer to make a decision 'We're warping into a trap, sir. The Romulans are waiting for us, I promise you that.'
“The Cadet's logic is sound and Lieutenant Uhura is unmatched in xenolinguistics, we would be wise to accept her conclusion.” Spock suddenly spoke up.
“Shields up, red alert.” Pike's voice resounded across the bridge as red alert lights and sirens went off, JT felt his legs weaken threatening to collapse but he steeled himself and found a section of railing to hold onto out of the way. “Scan Vulcan space, check for any transmissions in Romulan.”
“Sir, I'm not sure I can distinguish the Romulan language from Vulcan.” the Lieutenant on the communication console embarrassment obvious in his voice.
Pike looked at Uhura before asking “What about you? Do you speak Romulan, Cadet?”
“Uhura. All three dialects, sir.” she responded proudly, JT was still watching the timer that indicated when they would drop out of warp. The twisting feeling he had long learned to listen to only growing worse the closer they came to dropping out of warp, this overshadowed any other sense of doom even what had happened back on Tarsus IV.
“Uhura, relieve the lieutenant.” Pike ordered, the Lt. moving aside with haste to give her access to the console. “Hannity, hail the USS Truman.”
“All the other ships are out of warp, sir, and have arrived at Vulcan, but we seemed to have lost all contact.” Hannity replied, JT's grasp on the railing tightened leaving his knuckles white as the countdown entered the last minute.
“Sir, I pick up no Romulan transmission, or transmission of any kind in the area.” Uhura reported, Pike nodded, glancing at JT briefly, then returning his focus to running his ship.
“Arrival in Vulcan in five seconds... four... three... two...” Sulu counted down, the moment they dropped out of warp they found themselves in the aftermath of a battle. Debris of the other six ships littered the area in front of them, JT felt sick as he realized that he might have been able to do something to save them instead of just focusing on saving the Enterprise.
“Emergency evasive.” Pike called out even as he braced in his chair, JT was sure they didn't get off without any scrapes but hopefully they weren't too banged up “Damage report?”
“Deflector shields are holding.” one of the officers JT didn't recognize called back.
“All stations. Engineer Olson, report.” Pike was issuing orders even as a large piece of one of the saucer sections appeared directly ahead of them, JT winced as he noticed that it was a part of the USS Farragut. “Full reverse, come about starboard ninety degrees, drop us underneath and...” Pike paused as they cleared the debris, a massive ship clearly visible was hanging above Vulcan.
“Captain, they are locking torpedoes.” Spock's voice was calm and collected especially compared to the chaos on the bridge.
“Avert auxiliary power from port nacelles to forward shields.” Pike demanded JT was jolted as the Enterprise shuddered from the impact of the weapons against their shields “Sulu, status report.”
“Shields at thirty-two percent. They're weapons are powerful, sir. We can't take another hit like that.” Sulu replied hands moving across his board.
“Captain, the Romulan ship has lowered some kind of high energy pulse device into the Vulcan atmosphere. It's signal appears to be blocking our communications and transporter abilities.” Spock called out, JT gasped as he saw what Spock was talking about. Yeah that looked like it would cause his stomach turning sense of doom to occur.
“All power to forward shields. Prepare to fire all weapons.” Pike was not going down without a fight, JT could see his determination to try and stop whatever the enemy ship had planned.
“Captain, we're being hailed.” Uhura suddenly called out, Pike motioned to put it up on the main screen.
“Hello” the image displayed was a Romulan male, he was acting rather out of character for most Romulan's JT had ever run into trying to sound up beat and...nice.
“I'm Captain Christopher Pike. To whom am I speaking.” Pike stood up and addressed the person equitably.
“Hi Christopher, I'm Nero.” it was a flippant reply on the part of Nero.
“You've declared war against the Federation. Withdraw. I'll agree to arrange a conference with Romulan leadership at a neutral location.” JT heard the words Pike was speaking but was paying more attention to what he could see in the background behind Nero.
“I do not speak for the Empire. We stand apart, as does your Vulcan crewmember, isn't that right, Spock?” Nero gazed at Spock, JT could see the hate flickering in the depths of the Romulan's eyes. Was it for Vulcans in general or for Spock in specific that the Romulan had such hatred towards?
“Pardon me, I do not believe that you and I are acquainted?” Spock's neutral reply didn't seem to please Nero.
“No, we're not. Not yet. Spock, there's something I would like you to see. Captain Pike, your transporter has been disabled. As you can see by the rest of your armada, you have no choice. You will man a shuttle, come aboard the Narada, for negotiations. That is all.” Nero cut the communication after making his demand.
'Captain, you're not planning to go along with this? He'll kill you, you know that.' JT signed moving to flank Pike as he headed towards the turbo lift.
“Your survival is unlikely.” Spock moved to flank Pike's other side.
'Captain, we gain nothing by diplomacy. Going over to that ship is a mistake.' JT tried again as they reached the turbo lift doors.
“I, too, agree. You should re-think your strategy.” having Spock agree with him felt weirdly right to JT.
“I understand that. I need officers who have been trained in advanced hand-to-hand combat.” Pike suddenly turned looking at his bridge crew.
“I have training, sir.” Sulu stands up, he looks nervous but sure of his decision.
'I have been acting as the TA for hand-to-hand for the last two years, I'll go.' JT signed, Pike opened his mouth but then nodded as they all piled into the turbo lift.
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JT was sure this had to be one of the craziest things he had ever done, jumping from a shuttle and planning to land on a platform that was a few dozen meters in size. Watching the insane engineer getting baked in the energy beam, along with the explosives he was carrying, only made him that more sure that today was going to be right up there on his list of 'stupid shit I've pulled' might even make the number one spot. He landed easily having started to retract his shoot ten feet above the platform, he didn't bother drawing the issued phaser the damn thing would take forever to down a Romulan in armor. Instead JT pulled a pair of daggers that were not something commonly seen in the federation, since he had won them off a nice Klingon lady during a poker game last summer while visiting the Empire it made sense that they weren't common. Klingon's were weird JT admitted, they caught him hacking their systems but because he not only found a pedophile ring but personally challenged and put the leader in a grave he had a standing invitation to challenge their systems on a set date. He took very little time to dispatch two of the three Romulans by targeting their vital points, Sulu had dispatched the third by that point.
“Why didn't you use your phaser?” Sulu asked, his phaser had been lost early on in the fight.
'Romulans are hard to take down with a Fleet standard phaser, especially Romulans wearing protective gear.' JT signed searching the platform for a data port of some kind.
“Olson had the charges how are we going to disable this thing?” JT didn't mean to ignore Sulu he was simply working to hook his PADD into the data point he had finally found. It took longer than he expected to break into the system but once he was in the beauty of the programming engrossed him even as he worked to scramble everything in regards to keeping the drill running. JT was using everything in his rather extensive library of tricks in order to dig into the computer systems aboard the Romulan ship, luckily it appeared that while the programming was more advanced some things never changed including the fact that Romulans for some reason built back doors into all of their computer systems. The thrum of the energy beam ceased leaving them in the whistling thin hot air which seemed almost calming now, JT didn't stop his hands though. The Romulans were trying to launch something at the planet and based on how they were talking about it and although he didn't understand how they could manage to destroy a planet, they believed they could. “Sulu to Enterprise, the beam has been disabled.”
“Enterprise to Sulu are you ready to beam up?” Uhura was the one to respond, JT frantically indicated no whistling a sharp denial in Silbo Gomero hoping she would catch it. “No? Sulu what is going on?”
“Uh....JT just whistled, but he seems pretty against beaming up right now. He has his hands busy though so he can't really tell me what is going on.” Sulu replied moving closer to JT hoping to read something off his PADD maybe.
“JT seriously are you telling me you have known Silbo Gomero this entire time and instead of holding conversations with me in it you have been sticking to SSL?” Uhura snapped.
'Not really the right time, the Romulans are planning to drop something down the hole they drilled. They think it will destroy the planet. I can delay it for awhile maybe as long as an hour or two, but I can't stop it.' JT whistled back, he wasn't able to gain control of the operating systems but he could use a brute force method to prevent them from being able to initiate new commands.
“Acknowledged, the Vulcan High Council has begun evacuations. Cadet JT continue to implement whatever counter measures you are taking, the moment you are no longer able to delay the launch of the device call for a beam out.” It was surprisingly Spock who responded after a brief pause, in which Uhura probably translated his side of the conversation, JT whistled an acknowledgment nodding so Sulu would be in the loop.
JT was sweating profusely, his hands were cramping as he fought to maintain the block out of the Narada systems. Two hours ago he had lost control over the transporter system for a short bit and the Romulans had beamed down an assault team. Sulu had protected him for the most part but JT hadn't told him about the phaser wound to his left side, it burned horribly but JT knew it was just a graze if it hadn't been he would be dead now not just in pain. JT was finally kicked completely out of the system, slumping in exhaustion he only had enough energy left to slap Sulu's leg to gain his attention.
“Sulu to Enterprise, JT is done. Two to be...” before he could finish the drill platform shuddered beneath them sending Sulu stumbling to the edge and then over it, JT scrambled after him diving to catch him even though he felt like a limp overcooked asparagus stalk. Sulu's shoot had been destroyed when they landed on the drill, JT had his shoot and hopefully Enterprise could beam them up quickly. JT grabbed onto Sulu, both of them grappling each other before he pulled his shoot. It jerked them painfully before slowing their decent, but a soft tearing noise drew his attention. The shoot was starting to tear under their combined weight, JT looked at Sulu quietly demanding he keep calling the Enterprise for a beam out. “Sulu to Enterprise, two to beam out. NOW PLEASE!” JT didn't hold the frantic sound in Sulu's voice against him, he really didn't want to impact the planet below them going at terminal velocity either. Sulu continued to call on the Enterprise for a beam out as their shoot shredded and was released automatically, JT didn't have anything else to contribute except to angle their bodies so when they hit the ground he would be on bottom. It probably wouldn't save Sulu but weirder things had happened and at least it let him feel he was doing something. The sudden impact of hitting the transporter floor with Sulu on top of him drove a pained keening sound out of him as the wound on his side began to bleed through the cracked skin.
“Shit, Sulu to Medbay! We need medical assistance in the transporter room.” Sulu scrambled off of JT then leaned over trying to figure out if he could help somehow.
“Oh! ё моё!” Chekov exclaimed, JT switched his gloves to translation mode and signed to him.
'Thanks for saving us' JT worked to control his breathing to try and limit the pain shooting from his side.
“Damnit JT, what did you do to yourself this time?” Bones snarled as he arrived with a pair of orderlies and a float stretcher, JT just smiled at him and tried to shrug but it turned his smile into a grimace as the pain spiked.
“You have performed beyond expectations Cadet JT, the Vulcan High Council will want to commend you once your injuries have been treated.” Spock appeared at the entrance to the transporter room but didn't approach seeming to want to avoid being in the medical personnel's way.
'When are we going after the Narada?' JT winced as the motions pulled at his wound.
“We will rendezvous with the rest of the fleet in the Laurentian system” Spock replied making eye contact with JT, there was pain in the other man's eyes.
'But Captain Pike' he couldn't finish his statement as Bones pressed a hypospray to his neck, he could feel himself slipping into unconsciousness but he made one last attempt pleading with Spock. 'Nero is out to destroy the Federation, if we don't stop him Vulcan won't be the only planet we lose today.' then everything faded away on the wings of the drug Bones had just given him.
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Spock watched as the medical team moved the injured Cadet onto the stretcher.
“Will Cadet JT make a successful recovery?” He inquired of the gruff Doctor who had become the ships CMO upon the death of Doctor Puri.
“The kid should be just fine as long as I can make sure no one gives him something he is allergic to, which is pretty much everything we commonly use so if you'll excuse me Commander Spock.” McCoy rushes off after the departing medical team leaving Spock to contemplate what JT had said as he traveled back to the bridge.
“Cadet Uhura have you confirmed that Nero is headed to Earth?” his question raised his own concerns, he had already lost one homeworld would he sit back and watch as a second was destroyed?
“Their trajectory suggests no other destination, Captain.” Uhura's voice was controlled but still held sadness and fear. Spock sat in the Captain's chair and thought about the data they had already gathered, it was clear to him that the Narada could not be from the current Empire. Since they had something that could cause the collapse of a planet it was clearly possible for them to create a temporal passage, and them being from the future (or an alternate future as their actions had changed the timeline already) would explain their advanced weaponry and technology.
“Dr. McCoy! What are you doing on the bridge?” Sulu's voice interrupted his train of thought, and he looked up to find the doctor walking towards him.
“JT woke up and demanded I give you this, damn kid has allergies to nearly everything and what he doesn't have allergies to his body has developed a tolerance for.” was the grumbled response, Spock accepted the PADD from the rough looking doctor with a raised eyebrow. “It's his personal PADD, he said something about there being more data in there 'bout that hell ship. Which is apparently a mining vessel or something for fucks sake.” Dr. McCoy left the bridge after fulfilling his mission. Spock opened the PADD main menu and found a folder labeled NARADA, opening it he was astounded to see what appeared to be schematics and other information in regards to the Romulan ship.
“Is there some place we can drop off the civilians and wounded nearby?” Spock asked as his eyes continued to scan the data JT had provided him.
“Delta Vega has a Federation outpost, it won't be great for the Vulcan's as it is an ice planet but they should be able to survive until further assistance arrives.” Uhura promptly responded, Spock looked down once more and nodded decisively.
“Evacuate the civilians and wounded to Delta Vega, then change course to follow the Narada.” Given the information in his hands developing a plan to deal with Nero was not impossible, the odds were lower than he preferred but within acceptable limits nonetheless.
Chapter 6
Notes:
JT is not the same man Spock Prime remembers...
Chapter Text
JT wasn't sure what was going on, Bones had hit him with another hypospray then he found himself being herded into escape pods along with the other wounded and the Vulcan civilians they had beamed aboard. Now he was sitting in that same escape pod, sheer ice walls rising above the escape pod hatch probably because the pod had melted into the ice rather than having fallen into a crevice. Without his PADD his gloves were of minimal use, he stripped them off and pocketed them for later. A quick manual command later gained him a response from the computer.
“Location: Delta Vega. Class-M planet. Unsafe. There is a Starfleet outpost fourteen kilometers to the northwest. Remain in your pod until ... summoned authorities arrive.”
Well that was just great, pausing he typed another command into the system and began securing the survival kit from the pod's storage.
“Pod encountered turbulence on entry, programmed landing zone near Starfleet outpost could not be achieved. All other escape pods successful in reaching programmed landing zone.”
So he wasn't the only one kicked off the ship but he was the only one that got knocked into the middle of nowhere. Sighing JT cracked open the hatch and started to climb, it would take too long for assistance to arrive he needed to figure out a way to get to wherever the Narada was going. If Spock wasn't going to take a chance at defeating Nero then he would have to figure out something on his own, he had enough contacts who owed him a dept that he could manage something heading in the right direction. Might want to avoid the Klingon ones though, starfleet would probably frown on a Klingon warbird running around in their territory.
Having made some very poor decisions in his life JT was not blind to the fact that he had made yet another, being chased by successively larger carnivores was a clear indication of that point. He was barely keeping ahead of the massive predator, having tumbled down an icy embankment he now had a clearer goal. A dark opening in the pale ice indicated a cave of some sort, hopefully the beast wouldn't be able to chase him into the confined space. Not a very high hope as the creature HAD broken through ice to attack the first bear sized carnivore that had been chasing him, but a slim chance at hope is better than nothing at all. The creature in fact could force its way into the ice cave, but what was unexpected was a torch wielding old Vulcan who drove it away.
“James T. Kirk” the voice held delight and bewilderment, which since it was coming from a Vulcan was weird on its own but the fact that this person somehow KNEW JT's identity was terrifying. JT had spent a solid part of the last eight years erasing any connection between who he had been and who he was now.
'I don't know who you think I am but the name is JT' he signed backing away from the elderly Vulcan man.
“How did you find me?” was the response he got, honestly JT wasn't even sure if the old guy even understood SSL.
'I don't even know you' JT signed considering his options, being saved was great but the last thing he needed was a senile Vulcan who apparently knew who he used to be.
“I have been, and always shall be, your friend.” after seeing the confusion on display the old man continued “I am Spock”
'Bullshit' JT actually smiled almost laughing at that response, then he stilled as some odd data points began to connect. The Narada had a computer system and weapons far beyond what the Romulan's should have, the chance that they came from a future timeline was not insignificant and if this was an older version of the Spock he knew then that kind of clinched the whole from the future possibility. Still contemplating the possibilities JT reluctantly followed the old Spock to where he had made camp, even accepted the food he was offered.
“It is remarkably pleasing to see you again, old friend. Especially after the events of today.” the old man sighed, sadness crossing his face. He was far more emotionally expressive than the Spock that JT knew, although even there he had seen more emotion on the younger Spock's face than on most Vulcan's he had encountered.
'Sir I appreciate what you did for me today, but, but if you were Spock you would know we're not friends at all. You hate me, you kicked me off the ship. Although I am not sure it was because of dislike, you kicked a lot of people off the ship apparently' JT signed after placing the empty thermos on the ground.
“You are not the Captain? I can see you have been using Standard Sign Language but assumed it was due to a recent injury.” Spock replied a bit baffled by the new knowledge apparently.
'Oh no, been mute for nearly nine years now. Also not even Command Track, notice the Science Blues I am wearing? Don't you think they go well with my eyes?' JT did chuff some silent laughter at the old man who was the most expressive Vulcan he had ever met.
“You are indeed different than the Jim Kirk I remember, and it is not just the fact that your eyes are blue or that you have suffered permanent harm at a young age.” Spock seemed deflated at the realization.
'You know about Nero don't you?' JT leaned forward as he asked the question.
“He is a particularly troubled Romulan. Please, allow me. It will be easier.” Spock leaned forward and before JT could back out his fingers had found the meld points on JT's face. The memories that appeared in front of him showed him the story of how his life came to be the way it was, Spock racing against time trying to halt the destruction of Romulus due to a nearby star going supernova. Him arriving too late but still stopping the supernova to prevent further harm, both the Narada and the small ship that Spock piloted being dragged into the resulting black hole. The Narada entered before Spock's ship which apparently caused it to arrive in the past first as well, Spock had only arrived within the last few days to be captured by Nero and abandoned on Delta Vega so he could see his world destroyed. The screams of billions of voices as the planet collapsed into itself burned through JT's mind then suddenly he was alone as the meld ended leaving him panting and hurting, tears streaking down his face to drip onto the icy ground. “Forgive me. Emotional transference is an effect of the mind meld.”
'Going back in time, you changed everyone's lives.' JT finally managed to sign, he wiped his face on his sleeve not really looking at this old Spock.
“We must go. There is a Starfleet outpost not far from here.” Spock finally responded, JT nodded and used the PADD from the escape pod to show the location of the Starfleet outpost to Spock who nodded in agreement. Then the two left behind the shelter, the outpost wasn't hard to find and once they managed to get inside the elder Spock seemed amazed at the throng of people jammed into the facility.
“Just great, two more warm bodies to take care of. What is Starfleet bloody well thinking? I mean for six months nothing and here I am living off of Starfleet protein nibs and now there is a herd of folks down here some of whom need medical attention and I can fix equipment just fine but people now that is outside my area of expertise” a rather irate Scottish sounding individual accosted them as they finally made their way into the operating area of the outpost.
“You are Montgomery Scott.” Spock is frankly staring now. “You are, in fact, the Mister Scott who postulated the theory of transwarp beaming.”
'You know him?' JT signs bewildered, seriously how many folks was old Spock acquainted with to run into two individuals on some out of the way ice planet?
“Aye, that's me. You're in the right place. How'd you think I wound up here? I had a little debate with my instructor on the issue of relativistic physics and how it pertains to subspace travel. He seemed to think that the range of transporting something like a, like a grapefruit, was limited to about a hundred miles. I told him that I could not only beam a grapefruit from one planet to the adjacent planet in the same system, which is easy by the way, I could do it with a lifeform. So, I tested it on Admiral Archer's prized beagle.” Scott replied.
'I know that dog, what happened to it?' JT signed, remembering a kerfuffle awhile ago in regards to the dog and some engineering cadet. Scott looked confused until old Spock translated for him.
“I'll tell you when it reappears. I don't know. I do feel guilty about that.” Scott replied shrugging his shoulders and honestly not looking one bit guilty about the fact, JT swore to ensure he never let the man near any other defenseless animals in the future.
“What if I told you that your transwarp theory was correct? That it is indeed possible to beam onto a ship that is travelling at warp speed?” Spock inquired raising one eyebrow, JT had seen young Spock pull the same look a time or two recently.
“I think if that equation had been discovered, I'd have heard about it.” Scott was dubious about the whole thing obviously, but seemed more than happy to play along for a bit longer.
“The reason you haven't heard about it, Mister Scott, is because you haven't discovered it yet.” JT was getting rather tired of being on the sidelines but seeing as how being able to beam aboard a ship in warp sounded right up the alley of moving forward to stop Nero from destroying another planet he was willing to sit on the sidelines as long as everything kept moving in the right direction.
Scott gave a decent impression of a fish out of water “I'm a, uh, what... Are you from the future?”
'He is, I'm not' JT signed even knowing that Scott wasn't going to understand him, although given that the signs in question were pretty basic he might guess the intent if not the exact wording.
“Well that's brilliant. Do they still have sandwiches there?” that comment from Scott drew a startled look from JT and a raised eyebrow from elder Spock, but for the record the future still has sandwiches according to the elder Spock's rather amused response.
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“Cadet, my son requested that I forwarded a message to you from him.” JT was having his wounds looked at while elder Spock and Scott were going over something at one of the stations, the only thing he had been able to make out over the crowd was a startled “why didn't I think of space as the thing that was moving” from Scott.
JT winced as the medic patched his wound back into a semblance of normal 'Please, I apologize for any rudeness on my part.' Spock's dad, Ambassador Sarek looked confused before a blond haired woman joined his side and translated what JT had signed.
“The Enterprise is moving to intercept the Narada, due to your information gathering he hopes to be able to prevent further tragedy.” Sarek bowed his head slightly when he finished.
The blond woman, his wife? Leaned into Sarek's side “Thank you, Spock told us that you were the reason we had four hours to evacuate as many people as we could. We saved nearly eight million lives thanks to the time you bought us.”
'I grieve with thee for those who were not saved' JT bowed his head, he could see elder Spock and Scott awaiting him nearby he needed to join them so they could make their way back to the Enterprise, he waits as his statement is translated in a whisper from the woman to the Ambassador.
“The Vulcan High Council has chosen to make you a Vulcan citizen, Spock has informed us that you do not have family on Earth? If this is correct our clan matriarch has stated that she will accept you into our household, if you are willing that is.” Sarek continued after a few moments, JT could see his eyes lingering on old Spock and wondered if he realized who he was looking at.
'I am honored by the Council's decision, and am willing to accept your Matriarchs gift of a family name. I beg your pardon as I need to consult with Mr. Scott about an urgent matter.' JT signs giving the couple a bow as he hurries back to the two men who could get him where he needs to be. JT hustled the two men away from the Ambassador and his wife keeping a close eye on how elder Spock reacted to seeing them, JT was fairly sure that time travel paradox wouldn't cause any issues as his timeline was completely different from the original but no reason to court a new disaster when they still hadn't dealt with the first one. The three men move into an area that is free from the crowd that filled most of the rest of the outpost, a beat up transporter awaits them with a small alien buttoning up a maintenance panel on it.
“Keenser! You got the thing working!” Scott calls out to the smaller fleet engineer.
'You sure you want to stay here?' JT flashed as he moved into position for the transport.
“It is not my destiny to accompany you, are you sure about not seeking command of the Enterprise?” Elder Spock seemed pretty confused about the whole not wanting to be in command bit, JT just couldn't see himself in command not after what he had lived through or dealt with on a day to day basis.
'No, your counterpart is the person who should be in command. I am willing to lend him a hand as needed though, hopefully he will accept the aid offered.' He responded just as Scott moved into position, he gave the old Spock a confident grin before continuing 'Your coming back in time, changing history, it's cheating.'
“A trick I learned from an old friend.” Elder Spock gives the ta'al “Live long and prosper.” Then the world dissolves into the light swirls of transportation.
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JT materialized in engineering, turning to see if Scott had arrived he realized that the area Mr. Scott would have materialized in was a water line. Panicking just slightly as he sees Mr. Scott moving towards a situation he would not survive JT rushes to a control panel to open the emergency access port, he breathes a sigh of relief as Scott hits the ground nearby. JT rushes over to check on him, motioning if he was alright.
“My heads buzzing, and I'm soaked, but otherwise I'm fine!” Scott tried to clear one of his ears of water and JT wondered if they should get him some dry clothes before doing anything else. “So should we get going?” JT shook his head but motioned the soaked engineer to follow him, he knew that security would be here soon and there was no reason to try and avoid them.
“JT? I am fairly sure you got dropped off with the other wounded, how the hell?” Cupcake asked as he led his team into the engineering section.
'Would you believe time traveling Vulcans and Mr. Scott here?' JT inquired with a roguish grin as he submitted to the security team, they all seemed rather reticent about getting hands on with him oddly.
“After the kind of day we have had? I would probably believe just about anything at this point in time. Captain wants you brought to the bridge, but before we head up do you need to go by sickbay?” Its nice that Cupcake can understand SSL, pretty sure he learned it because of how they met which just makes JT think the nickname is just right for the burly Security Cadet.
'Not really, the medic on Delta Vega patched me up perfectly fine.' JT turned to look at Scott in a considering manner 'perhaps Mr. Scott would like to visit sickbay?'
“Eh? What's he saying?” Scott looked perplexed until Cupcake translated from SSL to standard “No, I'm good let's go see the Captain. I want permission to help conduct repairs of these beauties”
The ship seems oddly empty as they travel to the bridge, without the wounded or refugees the ship feels like it is hollow almost like a ghost ship in a way. On the turbolift JT snapped his fingers then pulled out his gloves, all of the security personnel and Mr. Scott almost flinch at the loud sound then watched him as he calmly pulled them on.
'What? If Bones did what I asked him my PADD is on the bridge with Captain Spock. Meaning I can use it for translation duties again.' JT shrugged as Cupcake muttered an explanation to everyone else. 'This is why Fleet would never let me be command track too easy to lose the ability to communicate'
Luckily the lift arrived before the resulting silence became too awkward to handle, JT allowed the Security team to escort him onto the bridge where Spock was indeed waiting.
“We're traveling at warp speed. How did you manage to beam aboard this ship?” Was a logical first question to be asked JT felt especially as Spock actually looked shocked at their presence.
'Would you believe time traveling Vulcans and Mr. Scott's incomplete formulas?' JT shrugged as he answered the question, he knew that elder Spock had wanted him to wrest control of the Enterprise from his younger counterpart but JT just couldn't bring himself to cause harm on the man before him. Not when he was already hurting enough already, and not when JT couldn't command anyone given the reality of the situation they found themselves in.
“Indeed, I believe I could accept that as an answer. The only question left is to ask WHY you are back, I ordered the wounded and civilians to be evacuated so that they would not be in danger when we attacked the Narada.” Spock gave a head tilt that implied he was less than pleased with the fact that JT and Mr. Scott had arrived onboard regardless of HOW they had managed it in the first place.
'I am not so wounded that I cannot assist in creating a plan to assault the Narada, also Mr. Scott is an excellent Engineer and I vaguely recall the Enterprise lost her Chief Engineer during the battle with the Narada over Vulcan.' JT hadn't been onboard at that time, it was during the period that he was on the drill attempting to buy Vulcan a few more minutes of reprieve.
Spock seemed to withdraw as he considered JT's statement before nodding “Very well, so far our plan is to...”
Chapter Text
The plan was working, Chekov and Sulu had dropped them out of warp precisely where they needed to be. Now the only issue was that Captain Spock appeared less than pleased as JT joined him in the transporter room awaiting the chance to beam onto the enemy vessel.
'Look Captain, we both know we need to limit how many people get beamed over. I am the only one who can hack into the Narada's systems to get the information that we need AND I have extensive capabilities in combat both ranged as well as melee.' JT signed as they stood on the transporter pad, Spock still looked less than pleased but he gave a small nod in defeat.
After ensuring that JT was ready Spock turned to Scott “Energize” the feeling of his atoms being deconstructed and reconstructed swept over JT as they appeared in what was, according to the schematic he had previously stolen of the Narada, supposed to have been a storage location near engineering. Apparently sometime between being built and now it had been repurposed into a recreational area, complete with disgruntled Romulan crew members.
Before anyone could begin to move JT just couldn't help quipping 'Oops wrong room!' apparently Romulans did not develop a decent sense of humor in the future, which was unfortunate all things considered. The fight was more than a little chaotic but at least they managed to come out on top, although both of them sported new contusions and a few actual wounds from sharp objects. JT found himself grinning happily at Captain Spock breath puffing from the exertion, there was an odd connection between the two of them forged during the fight.
“JT I do not believe a hostile situation is the optimum time to display the emotion of humor.” Spock was looking at him with a cocked eyebrow and JT couldn't help himself.
Giving a silent huff of laughter 'Why Captain it is in fact the perfect time, makes for the perfect ice breaker'
“I do not think hostilities require an activity designed to welcome attendees and warm up the conversation among participants.” Not only was the Vulcan handsome but he had a wicked sense of humor now clearly on display.
'You would be surprised Captain. I will get started on cracking the Narada's systems, if you would be so kind as to ensure the security of this compartment?' still smiling JT moved to a nearby terminal in order to begin his side of the operation while Spock began moving the bodies to one side of the room and guarding the hatch. Direct access to the main computer systems plus the benefit of having already hacked into a subsidiary system made the endeavor only challenging instead of the near impossibility he had dealt with on Vulcan. Now that he had easier access it was far more simple to slip into the system and begin to implant his own software, not really viruses nor worms but basically small almost AI like manager bits that laid dormant for the most part until called upon. The only thing they did on their own was to forward data to his PADD for sorting. They were his minions in the cyber-world, carefully and lovingly crafted over the last eight years. Individually they were nearly harmless but sneak enough into a system and they could as a collective wreck havoc on how said system operates. Some of the ones he had slipped in through the drill were still in place, upon being queried they proceeded to send information they had collected since being implanted including authorization codes and a number of other data items of interest. After that it was a simple matter to find the information they needed, the location of old Spock's ship and Captain Pike. 'Captain I have located the targets, we should get you to the vessel containing the red matter then I can retrieve Captain Pike in the confusion from your escape with their dooms day weapon.'
“Excellent, let us proceed” Together they slunk through the semi-darkness of the Romulan ship, the journey to find the first target was for the most part uneventful. A few random Romulan's did run across them as they moved but they were quickly dispatched without to much trouble on their part. The ship that contained the red matter was very different than any other ship JT had ever laid eyes on, a mix of streamlined beauty, Vulcan aesthetics, and highly advanced engineering. Upon gaining access JT and Spock moved through the small vessel, pausing by the chamber which contained the red matter Spock turned to look at him “I am unsure if I can pilot this vessel it is technologically more advanced than I anticipated”
“Voice print and face recognition analysis enabled. Welcome back, Ambassador Spock.” a calm feminine voice came from the ship.
'Time traveling Vulcans and what not, Captain you will be fine' JT signed heading back towards the exit, he still had to retrieve Captain Pike after all. JT found himself halted when Spock grasped his arm, looking back he can see the conflicted emotions swirling behind the richly colored eyes of his Captain. For the second time in under a day JT is unable to dodge as Spock initiated a mind meld, already compromised by the emotions and death cries from the first meld JT would have fallen to his knees if Spock had not been holding him upright. It was dizzying and yet it felt like his mind had been surrounded by a warm golden light, the feeling of horror as Spock ran his mental fingers through the damage left by the previous meld followed by a sense of shame as he quickly pulled back from the current meld.
“I...I apologize for my actions.” Spock holds him up a little longer until he seems sure that JT would be able to maintain his footing.
'What is with you guys and your forced mind melds, we don't have time for this right now! You have a job to do and so do I.' JT signs cautiously moving away from the other man, carefully continuing to back away from the stunned Vulcan while keeping him in his sight in case he did something else.
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Spock didn't know what had come over him, the knowledge that JT knew something more about the situation coupled with his irrational illogical desire for the younger man had led him to do something reprehensible. It was nothing short of a violation, one which his elder counterpart had committed as well based upon what he had found. Worse he could feel the bond that had snapped into place between the two of them, a bond he was not worthy of given his own actions. Shame at what he had done flooded through him once again as JT continued to back away, he had caused the fear in the other mans eyes and it haunted him. They could not deal with this now though, first they must complete their mission and stop Nero from destroying Earth as he had Vulcan.
“You are correct, I will proceed with the plan. When we return to the Enterprise I will submit myself to authorities.” It was the logical course of action at this point in time, resolutely Spock turned towards the cockpit of the small spacecraft fighting to not turn around and attempt to prevent JT from leaving into a dangerous situation.
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Watching Spock walk away was oddly difficult, but JT still had Pike to rescue and he wasn't going to let anyone or anything to get in the way of doing so. JT moved back into the dimly lit hangar and watched as Spock proceeded to launch successfully, once he was sure the red matter was on its way out of the Narada he turned to his own task. JT's luck ran out shortly after watching Spock leave, Nero himself found him as he was navigating towards the area where Pike was confined. JT thought he could just shoot him but was surprised when a second Romulan bashed his head with the stock of a rifle, before he could recover Nero had him by the throat.
“I know your face, from Earth's history.” Nero smirks, his hands wrapped around JT's throat making it impossible to breath even as JT scrambled at them trying to pull them away “James T. Kirk was considered to be a great man. He went on to captain the USS Enterprise, but that was another life. A life I will deprive you of, just like I did your father.”
JT was confused for a moment due to lack of air but it seemed that in the other timeline he had been someone far different from who he was, maybe he had been better but right now all he could think about was that he couldn't breath.
“Captain Nero, the Vulcan ship has been taken, the drill has been destroyed.” The comm announcement dragged Nero away from choking JT out and he gasped in appreciation of the fact that he could breath again. It took him a second to translate the Romulan dialect into standard but then he smiled as the information that Spock had managed to complete the second part of their plan successfully clicked into place
Nero looked down at him then screamed an angry snarl “Spock! Spooockk!” before leaping away, JT guessed he was about to take command and demand that they destroy the Jellyfish. A kick to the ribs launched him off the current platform and he barely managed to twist so that he hit a nearby platform with a chance to grab on, the second Romulan landed cleanly in front of him before reaching down to pick him up by his throat. Did Romulan's have a choking kink or something? JT cursed as he once again found himself trying to breath while someone far stronger than him proceeded to try and stop him from doing so.
“Your species is even weaker than I expected.” The man choking him seemed to be disgusted by how weak JT was but he would probably find other humans even weaker, JT at least had above average abilities thanks to his Augment genetics and the radiation filled birth location that activated them fully. “You can't even speak. What?” JT pulled the trigger on the pistol he had lifted off of his attacker, the hand choking him loosened almost dropping him off the platform but once again he barely managed to hang on. Scrambling back onto the solid surface JT paused to try and breath past his more than likely broken ribs and swelling throat, after a moment he collected the pistol that had been dropped and moved to find Pike. The feeling of going to warp indicated that Spock had managed to drag them away from Earth by acting as bait, meaning JT didn't have much longer to accomplish his end of the plan before the Narada would be destroyed. Limping slightly JT moved as quickly as he could manage reach Pike, time was running out so he forwent stealth in favor of speed. Luckily it seemed the crew was busy doing other things and he didn't run into more than a handful of individuals, the last one was guarding Pike and went down under a short burst of disruptor fire from the stolen Romulan pistol. He moves quickly as he reaches Pike's side and begins removing the restraints holding the older man in place.
“What are you doing here?” Pike has seen better days but is coherent and JT doesn't see any major life threatening wounds so overall not terrible considering the fact that he had likely been tortured by the Romulans. JT paused as an unwanted memory tried to force itself to the surface, he could only vaguely feel when Pike took the pistol from his holster and fired it. Then the golden glow from before pulsed and the memory pulled back freeing him from it's clutches. Shaking his head he finished pulling the restraints off Pike before pulling him off the table and onto his feet, timing was everything apparently as the Narada dropped out of Warp. JT pulled out his PADD then switched from translation to his hacking mode, data was flooding into his system and he didn't have nearly enough memory to keep everything it made him sad to give up so much knowledge but he tagged all of the technical data to be saved for later. After that he pulled up the sensor feed waiting for the Enterprise to show up, it was excruciating to have to wait for the right moment to contact their ship for a beam out but finally the moment arrived. JT sent one last command after that recall message, this one dropped the Narada's shields and threw the ship into havoc as the computer system basically wiped itself. The alarms screaming through the ship as the teleportation swept him and Pike away was more than satisfactory, arriving on the transporter platform on board the Enterprise with Pike beside him and Spock appearing nearby was the best feeling JT had ever had. Not even taking down the corrupt or perverse equaled it, he had made a difference directly not just second hand; and the feeling of accomplishment blazed through him.
Chapter 8
Notes:
What the soul desires and the heart wants, the mind doesn't realize.....
*There are notes at the end as well*
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Spock had not been certain that the plan would succeed, especially the last minute rescue portion “Mr. Scott excellent timing” he inclined his head towards the new Chief Engineer in respect.
“Ha ha ha ha! I've never beamed three people from two targets onto one pad before.” it appeared that the other man was pleased by his accomplishment, which Spock considered fair the statistical probability of pulling off said maneuver was in the single digit percentile. The likely hood of the whole plan succeeding was only slightly higher and Spock considered that it almost made him believe in the human concept of luck or lucky tokens. The thought of lucky tokens drew his attention to the golden haired man holding Captain Pike upright, if Spock was to consider something or someone as lucky JT was the person who best fit the description. Against insurmountable odds the man had again and again snatched victory from what should have been utter defeat, desire rose up in him at the sight of the magnificent smile gracing the handsome face. A smile that seemed to bring light to the whole room and even shone warmly onto the darkness inside Spock's tattered soul, soothing the ache of lost and broken bonds with its warmth. The arrival of Dr. McCoy broke his attention free of what had become unobtainable, he nodded as the good doctor led JT away to follow Captain Pike's stretcher. Spock still had his duties on the bridge to attend to, for now he would fulfill them to the best of his abilities until there was an appropriate situation to turn himself into the authorities for his actions. Spock was composed as he reached the bridge, striding confidently to the Captain's Chair.
“Keptain on the Bridge!” Mr. Chekov called followed rapidly by an update “Keptain, the enemy ship is losing power.”
“Hail them please” Spock briefly considered leaving them to their fate but even with his grief and loss saving sentient life overrode his need for vengeance. After Nero appeared on the forward screen Spock continued “This is Captain S'chn T'gai Spock of the USS Enterprise. Your ship is compromised. You are too close to the singularity to survive without assistance, which we are willing to provide.”
Spock knew when JT walked up behind him, he could feel him approaching even as silently as the cadet moved. Together they met the hate filled glare from Nero, the nascent bond singing at the close proximity between them.
“I would rather suffer the end of Romulus a thousand times. I would rather die in agony than accept assistance from you.” Nero snarled, JT shifted ever so slightly to almost shield Spock from the mad gaze.
“Very well as you refuse assistance we will at least ensure that your ending is quicker than what would happen naturally. Fire all weapons!” Spock knew his voice betrayed his satisfaction at the choice Nero had made, and for this single instance he simply did not care. Spock settled back into the Captain's chair and felt inordinately pleased when JT took a position just behind and to the left of him. The whole bridge crew watched as the weapons ate at the massive mining vessel, breaking and shattering it even as the singularity devoured it. As the last scraps fell into the black hole Spock sighed pausing a moment to collect himself before giving what might be his final command as a Starfleet officer “Mr. Sulu, set course for Earth and engage.”
'Why aren't we at warp?' JT's PADD broke the slightly strained silence of the bridge.
“Ve are, sir.” Chekov was obviously becoming overwrought at the current situation, the teenager was certainly entitled to do so but Spock hoped he could maintain his composure just a small amount longer nonetheless.
“Spock to Engineering, Mr. Scott we require more power.” glancing around at his displays Spock could see what the problem was.
“You bet your arse, Captain.” was the only reply from Engineering, hopefully Mr. Scott would perform above his already excellent standards.
“Captain,the gravity well has got us!” Sulu looked back at him, yes based on the readings they were indeed caught inside the gravity well of the artificial singularity.
“Maximum Warp Mr. Sulu!” Spock can see JT punching data into his PADD out of the corner of his eye, suddenly an equation is presented to him. Spock is amazed at how quickly JT was able to run the numbers and reach a viable response no matter how unorthodox it might be. “Mr. Scott as we are currently unable to escape the gravitational well of the black hole, is ejecting and detonating the core a viable option to knock us far enough away?”
“Uhhh...Aye! Aye! It might just work Captain!” Mr. Scott seemed to take a moment to consider the question before responding.
“In that case Mr. Scott, expedite the necessary steps.” Spock's calm tone was in direct contest with the pained sounds of the cracking and distorting hull. The ship shuddered as the shock wave of detonating core drove them away from the black hole, they might no longer be capable of going to warp but at the very least they were safe from following the Narada to it's destruction.
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JT was exhausted and he was sure that if Bones caught him there would be hell to pay about how he was acting but the nightmares had gained new teeth in the aftermath of Nero's destruction of Vulcan. Guilt over how he had failed to save the other ships was bad enough, not even the knowledge that he had helped give the Enterprise time to rescue the survivors of the battle really made up for the fact that the majority of those manning the other ships were dead. No it was the destruction of Vulcan that haunted his dreams, billions of voices crying out only to fall suddenly silent as they fell into darkness. It tore at his patched together psyche, not to the point where it was breaking but close very close. So instead of trying to sleep JT threw himself into helping with the myriad repairs that Enterprise required, helping Lt. Scott in engineering had gained him the use of the engineers nickname. Now if only he could convince Uhura that he deserved the honor of her first name, not that he didn't already know it, but he refused to use it until she gave him the gift of doing so herself. For the most part his distraction technique worked but even he had to rest eventually and not even being bone tired could prevent the nightmares. He knew he was falling back into bad habits as the exhaustion weighed him down, he didn't eat when he should or as much as he should and having to avoid Bones meant that he was still dealing with the half healed wounds from before his trip to the Narada as well as the aftereffects of being choked by not one but two irate Romulans. It was while he was in a jeffries tube repairing some wiring that he overheard a pair of engineers gossiping.
“Captain Spock has been acting oddly don't you think? Ensign Griggs from security told me he tried to turn himself in for something, wanted to be placed in the brig until we reached Earth.” The voices were young and moving away from where he was eaves dropping but he still managed to catch the response. “I heard he tried to get Captain Pike to place Lt. Sulu in command, not that I dislike Mr. Sulu but Captain Spock is who got us through this whole thing...” the rest of the sentence was lost among the various noises found in engineering.
Spock...JT was drawn to the acting Captain, hell he had been attracted to the tall man long before he proved his abilities in the command chair. Back when the man had been a cadet and seemed to follow JT around with his eyes whenever they chanced upon each other, he had even considered taking Spock to bed once or twice and only the fact that Vulcan's did not do casual prevented him from acting upon his desires. Now after that meld onboard the Jellyfish something had changed, he was caught in the gravity well that Spock exuded drawing his eyes anytime they were in the same location on ship. It scared him almost as much as the thought of trying to sleep did, he had never been so enraptured with another person to the point where they walked into a room and everything else faded into the background. With a sigh he finished the necessary repairs and crawled out of the jeffries tube startled to realize that the man he had been thinking about was now looking down at him.
'Captain Spock! How unexpected...' JT trailed off as he lost his train of thought looking up into the dark eyes that seemed to be filled beyond capacity with emotions that swirled and darted unable to settle onto one before another chased it away. For a second JT wondered if Spock was going to bolt, but instead he was shocked when he found himself looking at an offered hand. Vulcan's were touch telepaths not only that but hands held a special place in their culture, he hesitated before reaching up to bypass the hand to grasp the cloth covered wrist feeling Spock's hand close around his own wrist. He was not surprised when he was easily drawn up, what did surprise him was the second hand that steadied him as he reached the walkway.
“Lt. Scott has informed me that you have spent the last thirty-two hours working here in engineering, Dr. McCoy has sent me to in his words 'drag JT's stupid ass to sickbay so I can kick it'.” Spock's voice had concern barely apparent in his tone but the fact that he was still holding JT was odd.
'Bones is just a worrywart, I am doing fine' JT finds that he has to look away from the chocolate eyes peering down at him. The hands holding him tighten slightly pulling him against the golden clad form as he suddenly feels fatigue sweep over him in a dizzying fashion.
The low rumble of Spock's voice was relaxing as JT leaned against the Captain “Fine is a variable term, and based on your obvious symptoms something that I would disagree with in all of those variables.”JT found himself swept into a bridal carry as Spock seemed to decide that carrying him was the best option to fulfill Bones demand.
'Why did you try to get Pike to take your command? What's up with turning yourself in to be locked up? Was it because of what happened on the Narada?' JT remembered the overheard conversation from a little while ago.
Spock gave a hmmm before answering “Indeed. I initiated a mind meld with you, it was without permission and against your will. In the Vulcan culture to do so is considered equivalent to committing rape.”
'Yeah no....it was nothing like being raped...it wasn't comfortable but I feel that was mostly due to other reasons. It wasn't a violation even if it was unexpected Spock.' JT leaned against the solid chest as he was carried through the halls of the ship.
“The knowledge that you have experience to be able to compare the two is...distressing for me.” The hands holding him tighten almost painfully for a second before relaxing again, JT relaxed into the warmth listening to the steady inhale exhale of the person carrying him not even concerned about the lack of heartbeat. The last thought before he slipped into sleep was that Vulcan's hearts were close to where human liver would be which is why he couldn't hear it beating steadily.
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Spock ignored the gazes of his crew members as he carried the slim form in his arms to sickbay, the scowl on Dr. McCoy's face was rather harder to ignore.
“Damn kid. Is he hurt?” Though the tone is gruff the concern is clear to Spock.
“No Doctor, he is exhausted but did not seem to be in physical distress otherwise. He did mention something to me that I wonder if you could answer questions about?” Spock moved to lower his delicate burden to the biobed that was indicated, Dr. McCoy glances at him before turning his attention to the sleeping form of his friend.
“Depends on the question, I should have known this would happen. Nurse Chapel I am going to need an IV line, he's dehydrated and hasn't eaten anything in the last couple of days.” Spock stands aside waiting patiently as the pair work carefully over the deeply slumbering form, once the Doctor seems to feel everything is in an acceptable configuration his attention turns back to Spock though he continues to run a hand through the golden hair of his patient.
“I had mentioned something about Vulcan custom and he indicated that what I considered a violation equivalent to rape was nothing of the sort, it was distressing to understand he had first hand experience to compare the two. Do you know if his experience was with starfleet personnel?” Spock shifted just enough so that his hand was barely touching the bare skin of JT's own hand.
“I don't think so, but I couldn't be certain as JT was far less of a rake by the time I showed up onto the scene.” McCoy gave the sleeping form a fond look “He might have flirted around but he didn't sleep around during our time together at the academy.”
“Do you...” Spock found he could not continue, the tentative link he had with JT vibrated with terror. Spock moved to grasp the hand which had curled into a tight fist before it can be retracted against the sleeping body, the bond flared as he poured calm-safe-protected down it. After a moment JT seemed to relax his breathing returning to a steady rhythm.
“What was that? How on earth did you do that?” McCoy was watching the readouts as they returned to steady levels indicating peaceful sleep.
“I am a touch telepath Doctor. Since JT is sleeping simple concepts have more influence even as minor as the interaction is.” He continued to hold the smaller hand in his own marveling at its perfection indulging in the contact even as he realized that his actions were merely compounding his guilt. “How much do you know of his past?”
“JT? I am his assigned physician and have been for the last three years, I know many things that are not in his record or are hiding behind a security clearance that I doubt even some Admirals can open.” the Doctor sighed deeply, adjusting a few things before continuing “You know the human body can tell a story even without speaking? How the damage occurred, how it heals, how it's repeated? JT has so much healed damage that overlaps other older damage that I am seriously amazed he has survived until now, that is only the physical scars, mentally I know he has other wounds that are still festering. Sometimes memories rise up and they become his reality until they've run their course, I'm not sure who broke the kid but he is held together with spite and obstinance covered in a thin mask of cheer and bravado.”
The words were oddly poignant to Spock, that JT was on Tarsus IV must be the part McCoy said was behind security clearances. The rest was likely because before Tarsus JT didn't seem to exist, his childhood an utter mystery although Pike seemed to have an idea, or as humans were want to say a feeling, in regards to who he was prior to the tragedy.
Spock didn't know why but he found himself opening up to the Doctor “I once talked to Captain Pike, who was my advisor during my Academy years, about JT. I learned things that I am sure the Captain did not mean to share but something he stated was more accurate than I would like to admit...” he paused rubbing his thumb against the open palm in his grasp “I was indeed smitten. Doctor, on the Narada I allowed my emotions to overrule my logic and forced a mind meld onto JT. That was the act I equated to rape, to do such a thing without dire need goes against our values and teachings, but what I found was like a sun blazing in the dark. I now find myself more than smitten or enamored it is like being caught in a gravity well, one which I find I have no desire to escape from.”
McCoy's face goes through multiple emotions each easily read, intrigue-anger-comprehension-disbelief, and something softer more like how Spock's mother had looked at his father when neither knew anyone could see them. He waited for Spock to finish speaking before grumbling a response “You're in love, leave it to green blooded hobgoblins to fall in love not at first sight but with the first glimpse into a mind.”
“Indeed Doctor, but I feel unworthy of the man I desire. Though he stated he did not feel it a violation I could feel his discomfort, I felt the lingering traces of another meld one done recently and it had left pain in its wake. I made a terrible mistake and I do not know how to seek forgiveness for my actions, or even if I deserve forgiveness.” Spock found it hard to look at anything but the hand held in his own, the need to be in physical contact outweighing the shame of his actions even now.
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For the first time in years JT woke rested and calm, remembering no nightmares nor feeling the lingering aftereffects of drugs or alcohol. He feels a warm presence nearby, a larger hand holding his own in a careful fashion as if concerned about potentially causing harm.
“Look, unless this tin can is literally falling apart you can handle it on your lonesome. Both of my patients are sleeping miraculously peacefully, which they need to help heal their physical wounds, and as some darn fool went and made me CMO I have the power to say they are on medical leave for the next twenty-four hours.” Bones whispered tirade could barely be heard coming from beyond the hatchway, steady breathing nearby and the warmth of the hand holding his indicated that Spock of all people was sleeping half-laying on his biobed. JT remembered the conversation with the Captain as he was being carried to sickbay, he also remembered feeling safe and protected possibly for the first time in his life. It was that safety that allowed him to fall asleep as Spock was carrying him, it was a peaceful feeling that even now wrapped around him like a blanket made of golden light. JT sighed and let himself sink back into slumber, his fingers interlocked with Spock's ignoring the fact that he was technically taking advantage of the other man. JT had sacrificed a large portion of his soul to keep others safe, but he would sell a much larger one to feel that sense of safety for himself even if for only a short while.
Notes:
Okay so I figured I would explain my take on the T'hy'la bond, I always thought that before anything else there would be an initial attraction or spark between soulmates and that once they have met mind to mind that draw would intensify until the bond is fully formed. In the case here both JT and Spock are dealing with mental trauma which creates a more demanding bond since they want to both comfort and be comforted, to protect and be protected. Basically their hearts are overriding their rational thoughts and they find themselves doing things that normally they would never consider doing because it is against propriety or customs.
On a final note I am caught up to what I have already created, luckily I have two days off to try and wrap this up if my muse allows...if not it might be more than normal for the next update.
Chapter Text
Spock was confused for a moment as he found himself in a purple field with a silvery-white tree towering over the open expanse under a starlit sky, it wasn't until the person hiding among the leaves shifted slightly that he realized what was going on. Brilliant blue eyes he recognized by their unique color, he suddenly realized that they were the same color as Cherenkov radiation beautiful but dangerous, were gazing at him intently as their owner was laying belly down on a branch.
“You're not supposed to be here.” The child obscured by the leaves whispered, it held no animosity nor curiosity but was simply a declaration of fact. The sky above them twisted and darkened as storm clouds gathered devouring the starlight with darkness and turmoil.
“I am not sure where I am young one” it was the bare truth, he had an idea of where he was but no firm confirmation.
“Yes you are. You've tied us together by a golden thread it brings comfort and light, but that might simply drag you into the storm and darkness with us.” Spock could now see a thin golden thread tied to his wrist leading to the child whose eyes turn towards the turbulent sky with a considering look “The storm never really stopped you see it just weakened, so we patched the pieces together and said we were good enough. The new memories though breathed it back to full life and now the patches are starting to tear.”
“New memories?” Spock had to brace himself against the rising winds that caused the tree to shake under their assault.
“So many new memories, a lifetime of memories, that we can't store away because they are not ours. The feeling of so many souls crying because they are falling into the dark, we couldn't even save our own how could we have saved theirs?” the haunted eyes bore into him as the mind fragment that appeared to be a child spoke, then the look in those eerie blue eyes changes from haunted to determined in a single breath “We are going to fall, into the dark and the silence, but that doesn't mean you have to fall too.”
The scenery faded as Spock found himself being flung out of the meld back into his own body. He barely had enough time to register where he was before alarms began to wail, screaming that the something was going wrong with the patient they are monitoring. He didn't want to break contact with JT but the nurses that had barged in forced him away from the convulsing form. He moved to stand in a corner, as far out of the way as he could without leaving, in order to organize his thoughts and regain control over his emotions.
“What the hell is going on!” McCoy barges into the room looking more irate than usual “Don't you dare inject that into him! Fuck, god damn it! We don't have anything on hand that he isn't allergic to for this kind of situation!” the nurse pulls back right before injecting the anti-seizure medication into JT's neck at the barked command. McCoy considers his options only briefly before loading a hypospray and injecting JT, whatever he used appeared to be stopping the convulsions slowly. “What the hell brought this about? There was nothing that should have caused convulsions from his wounds.”
“Doctor, I may assist in this matter.” Spock finally stepped forward, given the scowl on his CMO's face the explanation should be forthcoming with haste. “When the incident on the Narada occurred I realized that he had experienced another meld recently, one that had left lingering...damage behind. I had not thought it significant enough to cause issues before a mind healer could be called to treat it but that was before I realized how delicate his mental stability already was.”
“God dammit, one more time in plain standard.” McCoy nearly snarled as he was still running his tri-corder over JT.
“JT had, as you put it, been broken previously and while he had worked to fix the damage it was not a solid repair. With the additional burden of memory fragments and the secondhand feedback of billions of Vulcan's dying those repairs are failing.” It was best to be succinct in this situation, now he needed to consult with a mind healer to determine if a semi-trained individual such as himself could do anything to help or if they needed to wait until a fully trained healer was available. “I will need to consult a mind healer on this matter”
“Great more Vulcan voodoo to fix what other Vulcan voodoo helped break.” Spock decided to ignore the doctors grumbles as he headed to his quarters in order to consult his clan's matriarch, if any could guide him in this matter T'Pau would be the one.
“Father, are you and the other elders well?” This was his first chance to contact his father since sending them to the dubious safety offered by Delta Vega, speaking in Vulcan was soothing to his frayed emotions helping him find balance.
“As well as can be expected, a ship has been dispatched to retrieve us and the wounded. I grieve with thee, some of the worst of those harmed have succumbed to their wounds.” Spock bowed his head in acknowledgment to the news, it was not unexpected as the facility on Delta Vega was not well equipped to handle medical emergencies. “I am sure that your call was not merely to inquire as to our well-being?”
“Father, is Elder T'Pau available? I find myself needing counsel on a matter of mind healing.” Spock bowed his head slightly as his father nodded and temporarily moved out of sight, when he returned he escorted the matriarch of their clan. “Elder T'Pau, I seek your wisdom. JT whom has been offered Vulcan citizenship and a place among our house is suffering due to a mind meld. One that I believe occurred while he was on Delta Vega, I am not positive on the matter but I expect the individual who performed it was a time traveler similar to Nero.”
“We have talked your elder counterpart and I, he was emotionally compromised when he forced the mind meld and regrets his actions” He father interjected, the Matriarch maintained a solemn appearance but Spock could see her displeasure in the set of her eyebrows at the news.
“How badly does the young man fair?” the measured tones were the epitome of Vulcan sensibilities but still Spock could almost make out a touch of concern hidden within them.
“Elder, if it was merely the meld itself I feel JT would manage without complications until a healer could be freed to help him. Unfortunately JT has prior wounds that combined with the meld are causing severe issues, he has experienced a seizure due to the mental strain already.” Spock could hear a soft gasp from off screen and realized that his father and Matriarch were not the only ones listening in on the conversation.
“Dire news indeed, if the situation is as you described I do not think that there is time to wait for a trained healer to arrive before you begin treatment. Spock, although you have not received much training, in this situation it will have to do. Will you risk a meld to stabilize the damage so that JT will have time to reach a mind healer?” T'Pau's gaze held him still as she spoke.
“Matriarch, I am willing to do so but I fear that there will be long lasting repercussions. I failed to mention that a...bond...has already been tentatively created between myself and JT, if I were to do as you ask the bond will almost certainly be completed whether either of us so desired. I would welcome the bond but JT is not in a coherent state to be able to choose for himself.” Spock found it illogical that the desire to fidget at the confession was so strong but he managed to still his body awaiting the response.
“Though painful a bond can be broken young Spock, it is not possible to bring those lost to the darkness back to the light so easily. If you are willing then you know the path that needs to be tread, all else will be dealt with when the danger is past.” T'Pau's words about the bond being broken stabbed into him causing panic to rise before he managed to stifle it with the knowledge that even if the bond was to be broken it would be better than watching the brilliance that was JT burn out while he stood by and did nothing.
“I bow to your wisdom elder, Live long and Prosper.” Spock raised his hand in the ta'al.
“Peace and long Life Spock” T'Pau returned a ta'al before the transmission was cut. Spock contemplated returning directly to sickbay to begin treatment, then made the decision to meditate first to stabilize his own mind before plunging into the chaos that he was sure to find in JT's.
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JT was dreaming, he knew he was simply because it was not really possible to be sitting inside a storm which carried shards of memories and who he used to be. It wasn't the first time he had found himself here, with his mind nothing but wind and screams with memories cutting into his soul but this time it was so much worse.
A new memory one not his own sliced into him grasping hold he found himself on a desert world a he faced an old vulcan woman as she spoke “Live long and prosper, Spock.”
“I shall do neither. I have killed my captain and my friend. Energize.” the pain and sorrow flooding the memory rip and tear at him even as he wrestles the fragment to the ground and pins it into the growing pile of not his memories on which he was sitting. His memories are bad enough, the pain and sorrow from his own short life nearly enough to break his will, now he had fragments of Elder Spock's memories joining his own while the wind howled with the voices of those lost on Vulcan when Nero finally succeeded in destroying it. Another memory shard tries to rip his insubstantial form apart, grimacing he grabs hold of the memory whimpering as it replays.
He's hiding at the top of the stairs waiting for Frank to call him, Frank said he would be playing with someone today but the only person who had showed up was a grown-up. “Jimmy-boy your playdate is here!” Frank calls turning to the other man “Money up front, and keep the breakage to a minimum will you?” it was the first time that Frank had arranged a 'playdate' and the feeling of the man's hands would never disappear no matter how much he scrubbed his skin raw. The man's words echoed in his ears “Get used to being used, this is what you were made for. Nothing but a toy to be used by real men.” he had been the first to make that statement but far from the last and somewhere along the line JT had started to accept the words as true on some level.
JT would rather destroy it than save it but he had so little pieced together that he needed every fragment no matter how awful. Carefully he slotted the memory where it belonged against the darkness around him, only to see it picked up and spun back into the storm. Tears streaked down his face but JT continued attempting to patch the memories back into a semblance of stability, it seemed hopeless but as long as he didn't give up he would win in the end. He might have to sacrifice for it, bleed for it, but he would not let this destroy him not after everything that had happened. JT remembered that the best way to win was to keep breathing, those who had hurt him would like nothing better than for him to give in, give up, crawl into the darkness curl into a ball and disappear. JT would survive simply to spite them if nothing else.
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“Doctor McCoy, I have consulted a trained mind healer on matters regarding JT's situation.” Spock could see the exhaustion and a small underlying fear in the older mans hazel eyes.
Spock watched as the doctor slumped into a nearby seat and dragged a hand through his hair before responding “I hope you can do something, cause I have hit a brick wall. The kid is semi-stable at this point but I can read his charts and the trend is on a slow downward spiral.”
“I believe I can at least stabilize the situation enough that JT will survive until we can reach Earth where my clan Matriarch will be waiting to assist in his treatment.” Doctor McCoy gave him an odd look at the mention of his Matriarch “She is one of the most revered mind healers, she also has experience with humans to some extent which other healers likely lack.”
Both men are startled by a new addition to the conversation “What kind of risk are you running by attempting to stabilize JT?” Sulu is leaning on the wall next to the hatchway that neither had noticed opening to allow him entry to the medbay.
“The risks are within acceptable limits.” it was a not answer, Spock would rather not have to have a discussion about exactly how much risk he would be placing himself in. “As the majority of immediate issues have been repaired to a satisfactory level even if I were to be incapacitated for a period of time you would be perfectly capable of handling the management of the ship until we reached Earth Mr. Sulu.”
“God damnit...why do I get the feeling that your 'acceptable' definition is different than everyone else's definition of acceptable.” McCoy grumbled clearly glaring at Spock, the exhaustion and fear in his eyes joined by trepidation.
Spock took a few calming breaths before responding “The risks are within an acceptable limit given that if I cannot stabilize JT he will most likely be lost to us either because his body cannot handle the strain of the mental turmoil caused by an ill advised mind meld or because his psyche shatters beyond repair. The second outcome would leave us with a living body but the person who gave my people four hours, to rescue eight million souls in a situation where they should all have perished, would be gone forever.” The three men spent what felt like forever staring at each other even though less than a minute passed before Spock turned his back on the other two to proceed to JT's biobed.
“Seeing as you're going to be stubborn about this I at least want to be able to monitor you while you are doing your Vulcan Voodoo.” the grumbling doctor had followed behind him “Is there anything we need to do to increase the odds on this Hail Mary play of yours?”
“I do not see what a religious figure has to do with anything we have discussed Doctor” the scoff of displeasure he earned for his statement was well worth the effort. “But yes, if possible the more skin on skin contact the better in this situation. I believe everything other than modesty clothing should be removed, if you need I can reprogram the biobed to give readouts on two occupants as it would be best to perform the meld while in a supine position.”
“So you will be cuddling JT nearly naked on the biobed, dear lord grant me patience because if this is simply a ruse to make a play on my best friend while he is not able to deny you I will personally castrate you and force feed you the bits I cut off.” the glare this time is far more intense than previously and Spock has no doubt that the good Doctor would do exactly what he threatened if Spock stepped out of line.
Keeping a set distance between himself and the overprotective McCoy Spock began to reprogram the biobed before answering “I have no intention of taking advantage of JT while he is unable to provide consent doctor, regardless of my ill advised actions previously I do maintain some morals.” It took some effort to prevent the blush that threatened to spread as the other man efficiently removed JT's outer garments, once the biobed was set to provide a readout on two lifeforms Spock began disrobing himself. He was startled as monitoring patches were slapped onto his skin more than slightly harder than necessary, looking back at McCoy he raised an eyebrow questioning the need for the excessive force.
“Anything else I should know before you start your voodoo?” concern was laced through the grumbled comment, knowing that the doctor was trying to compensate for being unable to help in this situation Spock inclined his head.
“Once I begin the meld do not let anyone touch either of us, doing so could cause a significant increase in detrimental outcomes.” Spock moved the biobed carefully maneuvering the limp form into his arms and situating them both in the most optimal conditions.
“Spock?” unwillingly he tore his gaze from JT to peer at the Doctor. “Good luck, please bring him back to us.”
“Luck is illogical, but in this situation I accept and I will do my best to bring JT back to us.” Spock positions his hands on JT's meld points leaning his forehead against JT's “My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts.”
Notes:
So explanation here, my knowledge of all things psychological in nature is thin and more often than not second hand. That being said I am basically using a physical trauma response to being 'safe' after horrifying events. Many people are completely fine and able to cope or handle things really really well until the moment in which they realize they are safe and then well everything tends to fall apart. So yeah JT felt safe for the very first time in pretty much ever combined with the emotional/memory transference from old Spock created the perfect storm situation in regards to what is going on inside his head.
Chapter Text
Darkness and a wind howling with the voices of those lost to the destruction of Vulcan assaulted his senses, shards of memories whipped through the gale like flying glass screeching against his hastily erected mental shield. The surroundings are dark for the most part with only flickering lightning providing illumination as it reflects off of the flying glass to create a dazzling image of scattered stars against the darkness, before the light dies once more plunging him into utter darkness. Into almost utter darkness he realizes a moment later as a soft glow beckons him forwards, in the center of the twisting winds and ripping memories is a small pocket of near calm JT sits bleeding on a small pile of broken glass. As he forced his way through the thicker concentration of wind and shards he watched as the golden haired man plucked a shard from his skin before forcing it into the pile beneath him.
“These are not mine.” the voice was a pleasant tenor and completely unexpected as Spock did not realize his presence was noticed until the seated figure spoke.
“It is well done to sift what does not belong to you from what does.” stepping fully into the eye of the storm Spock has a chance to evaluate the situation clearly for the first time. It was clear that while JT was managing to filter the foreign memories out of the storm his own memories refused to be placed where they belonged, twice he watched as the smaller man placed memories in a matrix only for them to be swept back into the swirling winds.
The dangerous blue eyes focused on him before the soft tenor voice spoke again “You're not supposed to be here” it was an echo of what the child had told him when he accidentally fell into a meld while sleeping earlier.
Cautiously Spock moved closer considering his words before finally speaking “I believe I have a need to be here” gesturing at the surrounding storm he continued “this is partially the fault of the meld on Delta Vega, it is my duty to help repair the damage done and to help the man who saved millions of my people's lives”
He was surprised when the bloodied form before him chuckled “You being willing to risk your own sanity for someone you barely even know? That is something I will never understand.”
“I believe that is a falsehood, you willingly risked your life to save those you did not know. How different is it that I am willing to risk something similar to save you?” Spock knelt in front of JT maintaining eye contact as he spoke.
Sadness passed over JT's face before he tilted his head down “My life? Not exactly something worth saving. Broken, useless, nothing but a toy to be used and discarded. Why shouldn't I at least use it to rescue those more worthy of living? At least then my life would mean something, but you're different. You would be risking a life far more important to save something not worth saving.”
The words tore at Spock, that beneath JT's carefree exterior and brilliant intellect such a belief had been hammered into the soul of such a decent man. The thought that someone, potentially many others, had driven that belief into the man before him was enough to make him burn in anger at the injustice. “You are neither useless nor a toy to be used and discarded. You are not broken in the sense that you have stated” it was more growl than anything causing Spock to pause taking a few breaths to center himself before conveying the rest “The burdens you bare have left wounds behind, being injured does not mean you are broken it merely means you require help in order to heal” without considering what was driving his instinct Spock reached out and placed a hand over JT's as he placed a memory into the matrix. Under their combined hands golden light flared cementing the shard into place, Spock watched as the memory unfolded before him.
Everything looked enormous to Spock, towering high above the point of view of JT who was watching as two adults appeared to be arguing at a kitchen table. The woman was blonde and based on the memory was JT's mother, the older man seemed almost familiar but Spock could not place why that might be.
"Tiberius I think we need to have a talk, about....." His mother's voice was firm but it held a certain edge of unease.
"What about....?" The older man Tiberius seemed evasive but he wasn't really sure.
"The fact that he isn't normal, and I think you know why." The bite of command was tinted with exasperation.
"What do you want me to say? That the....have been hiding a secret? Yeah we have been, because it could be life and death if it got out." His old gravely voice still held its own echo of authority.
There was distortion around some of the memory, words that had been blurred and destroyed, considering it Spock realized that it likely held information about who JT had been prior to Tarsus IV. It was clear that whomever he had been JT was determined to hold that information secure even in his memories, to the point where even in his current condition he fought to hide it possibly even from himself.
“My father's family have a dirty little secret, one of our ancestors was a failed Augment experiment. The genetic markers are not on file for either the old Earth federation nor the UFP so no one has called them out on it, especially given that the majority of tricky genetic traits are primarily dormant even if they are dominant in being passed onto future generations.” Spock watches as JT considers the memory now cemented in place by golden light which pulsed slowly “Lucky me the circumstances of my birth flipped all those switches just like they changed my eye color. You know I always wondered if the Augments were a nature versus nurture situation, I was such a cocky little shit as a child so sure that I was better than everyone around me. Not even Frank and his 'playdates' changed that about me, no it took something far more devastating to realize I might have a higher IQ than most people but that didn't make me better or superior to anyone else.” This time JT plucks a memory out of the maelstrom deliberately, somehow knowing it was the one he wanted to show, Spock hesitates momentarily before repeating the action that led to seeing the other memory.
The new memory sweeps him away to a night on some distant world, he is crouched near a building where many people are gathered. Beside him a teenage boy fidgets in the darkness.
“The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV.”
Phasers are firing into the crowd as the two teenagers watched horrified, before fleeing through a forest of silvery-white and purple plants to a cave where other children huddled in terror. The feeling of something breaking inside as JT sat stunned at what he perceived as his own failure while the other boy relayed what had happened to the others was the first indication that Spock had of what happened to cause so much mental trauma.
JT's voice echoed through the last pieces of the memory “I thought I was above everyone, thought I had all the avenues covered and no one or anything could surprise me. God I was so stupid and so many people died because of it, not my kids though. No, I only killed their innocence, I kept them alive until help came at least. Turned out Kodos was too busy trying to break me to actually hunt them down, fucker told me himself the last time I saw him.”
Spock was not prepared for what happened next as he was plunged straight into another recollection. At first all he could do was try and handle the pain that the memory brought along with it, everything hurt, fire burned across skin that was covered in wounds but it was only a minor note in the chorus of agony from other injuries. Spock realized that JT was being suspended by his hands behind his back, the torment of his weight being held up by his dislocated shoulders was tremendous. Two men entered the room a man with dark hair and a regal bearing, and a younger man with lighter brown hair wearing a doctor's uniform. It was difficult to draw the line between who he was and JT's memory, Spock found himself as a part of the memory not simply an observer.
“It always surprises me when I walk in here and find you not only still breathing but conscious and watching with those lovely blue eyes of yours little toy.” The cultured tones from the darker haired man does nothing to hide the darkness in his voice, he was enjoying the current situation. He grabbed JT's chin forcing them to lift their face to meet his eyes “You know if you would merely tell us where those misbegotten curs who should have died with their parents are hiding I would treat you far better. Keep you chained in my bedroom for my personal use only, instead of here in the filth where any of my people can use you on a whim.”
Defiance burned dully inside “Go fuck yourself” it was barely recognizable as words but the man seemed to understand nonetheless.
“Ah well, I have wasted enough of my time here I believe. If the toy will not tell me what I want to hear then there is no need for it to be able to speak at all. My guards were unhappy when I stated I was going to take your tongue out and the good Doctor here suggested an alternative path instead.” his hands trailed over their skin as he moved behind them, the feeling of being violated pierced painfully through them. The doctor moved forward and began doing something that made their throat burn worse than any of their other pains. When it was done a sense of relief flooded through them, soon they would be allowed to die, soon it would be all over. The sound of shattering rang through their head as they finally allowed themselves to give up. “It looks like I finally broke my little toy, interesting. I can focus on finding those rats now though, maybe make one of them into my new toy.” The two men left to the sound of chuckles.
Spock gasped as the memory stopped, it hadn't been the pain or suffering that broke JT. It had been the moment he gave up, his loss of defiance was the final straw that shattered his mind.
“See broken, useless, nothing but a toy to be used and discarded. All of them are true, I broke not because of what they did but because of what I did, I never could be good enough useful enough otherwise I could have saved more, a toy to be used and discarded my entire life no one wanted anything more than a quick enjoyable time and when they were done they would all walk away.” The words burned into Spock bringing anger flaring to life as he grabbed JT pulling him into an embrace, he reached out one hand to sift through the whirling memories and grabbed a handful that encompassed what he needed.
“You survived, you did not allow yourself to give up even though a lesser person would have succumbed to the pain and violations, you never retreated or stopped trying to save others even though you knew it was impossible to save them all, you still tried, you have found those who will not walk away.” Spock murmured as he placed each memory into the matrix with his hand over JT's, the golden light of their bond sang with each memory placed and as the music swelled the storm receded. “You are more than what the words of others claim you to be.”
The memories which had been caught in the winds tumbled to the ground beginning to assemble themselves into a whole as golden light flooded into the cracks to hold them in place. For the what seemed to be the first time JT gazed at him and actually looked at him for who he was “Spock...” the light bleeds from the cracks into the shards lighting them up from within until the two stood among a galaxy that seemed to swirl in time to the melody of the bond.
“Your mindscape is mesmerizing.” The words were whispered even as Spock found himself drifting out of the meld exhausted by his endeavors. It wasn't really waking up so much as drifting close to consciousness before slipping into desperately needed sleep, the comfort of holding his T'hy'la close soothing his own mental wounds.
-------------------------------------
“Goddammit man, when you said you were taking a risk I didn't think you meant three days of unresponsiveness and a nearly fried brain for the both of you kind of risk!” it was Bones hissed vitriol that pulled JT up out of slumber. “So is he fixed?”
“Define 'fixed' Doctor, I have managed to stabilize his psyche to a greater extent than I had originally considered likely, but I was forced to utilize techniques that JT might object to going forward. A mind healer will be necessary to deal with what I could not repair and if necessary to sever the bond between us if that is what JT desires, given that the bond is now integral to the stability of his psyche I am not sure what will occur if he chooses to sever it. In addition I have not 'fixed' the trauma or underlying issues that JT bears, telepathic healing is not omnipotent and not even our best mind healers can help overcome serious trauma in a single session.” The deep rumble of the Captain's voice was captivating, JT considered what the two were discussing as the last vestiges of sleep fell away. He felt...stable as if for the first time in a very long time he wasn't trying to hold who he was together while simultaneously dealing with the fallout of half a dozen different mental ailments. He could feel something that was likely the bond being discussed thrumming in the back of his head, it felt like a warm blanket which radiated security and affection directly into his very core. It was amazing and unless someone was going to force him to give it up, or the Captain decided he didn't want to be burdened by JT's numerous flaws and issues being dumped into the his head, well JT had no reason to want the bond broken or removed or whatever the hell Vulcans did in regards to these kinds of things.
“But he isn't going to drop back into a coma or otherwise suffer from his mind being diddled with by meddling hobgoblins? As far as you know you have patched him back together to a point close to where he was prior to this shit show of a rescue mission correct?” Bones was nothing if not colorful in his language, regardless of what Spock said JT knew he wasn't just as good as he was before the first meld with old Spock but better. Everything was simply more solid inside his head, there was no sense of instability now. Whereas before everything he did to patch himself together to work on his traumas and issues felt like it had been built on shifting sands, now he felt like he had bedrock that would never move from which he could maybe finally make progress at trying to really fix things.
“As far as I can ascertain you would be correct in stating that he is at least at a similar level of stability as he was prior to the current mission.” Spock's voice was soothing to listen to, delivered in a steady cadence of neutrality. JT smiled to himself as he stretched knowing that the biobed would alert Bones to the fact he was awake now, hopefully the grumpy doctor would bring him his gloves and PADD before trying to interrogate him about his mental stability.
“Hey sleeping beauty is awake, didn't even need a kiss from his prince to achieve it either.” Bones was far to close with his damn tri-corder before JT could focus he eyes in the dimly lit medbay.
'Really? Can I at least get my gloves and PADD before you start on me?' he signed laying back on the biobed with a huff. Of course the doctor ignored him being far to focused on what his tricorder was reading while comparing the information to the biobeds readouts, thus JT was a little startled when his gloves and PADD were placed carefully onto his lap by someone else. JT turned to see Captain Spock standing nearby, a smile broke across his face seeing the tall gold clad officer standing almost awkwardly in the crowded room.
“May I inquire as to how you are feeling?” the gentle request coupled with dark eyes that were filled with concern sent shivers down JT's spine.
Pulling his gloves on JT took the small amount of time to formulate his thoughts 'I feel. Good. Better than I have for a very long time.'
Bones stops to just look at him when he hears that “On a scale of one to ten with one being lowest?”
'Mentally or physically Bones? Cause Mentally I think I am sitting at like a twelve or something, physically there are still some bruises making themselves known but otherwise an eight or nine I suppose.' once again JT let himself revel in the feeling of stability followed by the pulse of security and happiness that the bond brought.
-------------------------------------
Three weeks, that was how long it took for the battered Enterprise to limp back to Earth. JT had spent the three weeks helping repair what could be repaired, going through the data he had retrieved from the Narada, and learning everything he could about Vulcan culture specifically about bonds. The latter endeavor had been fairly frustrating as Vulcan's in general were reticent about sharing their private information, even Uhura didn't have that much on modern specifics although she had provided historical information from pre-reform Vulcan texts. None of it really gave him the information he felt he needed to be having a conversation with Captain Spock but he was running out of time, in less than forty-eight hours they would be docking and all hell was going to break loose when they did. JT harbored no illusions that Starfleet wouldn't figure out he was one of their ten most wanted criminals, his Ghost persona only worked because he didn't draw attention to himself with the Federation going insane about the whole crazy event it was only a matter of time until it all came out into the open. Even if somehow that didn't happen his decision to delete the data he had gathered from the Narada after memorizing it would certainly upset certain high ranking officials in a similar manner. So taking one more deep breath JT requested admittance to the Captain's quarters, better to have the discussion now than not being able to have it at all and the Captain deserved to know how he felt BEFORE JT got cuffed and marched away by a security detail when they hit ground. Nerves finally reigned in JT requested entry to the Captain's quarters, technically they were the first officers quarters, but since Spock was currently the Captain that made them the defacto Captain's Quarters. The hatch opening derailed the thought ramble that had started in his head nicely, Captain Spock was standing in front of him looking surprised and that little bit of emotion being displayed made his already attractive appearance nearly mesmerizing.
“Cadet, May I assist you?” JT's knees felt weak as the low rumble of the Captain's voice rolled over him.
For a moment JT could only stare at him before beginning 'Look I know I have been avoiding you and I had a really good reason why but I just wanted you to know that this bond thing? I don't want to get rid of it. I want to keep it and I am willing to do anything BE anything in order to do so, I have always found you attractive and there is no hardship in being married to a successful person who also adores me and please don't force me to break this bond it is the best thing that has ever happened to m..' Spock reaches out to grasp his fluttering hands ceasing the word vomit that his nervousness has caused.
“You desire to maintain our bond?” He can feel the incredulity from Spock over the bond even if it wasn't plain on his face.
'YES! Only I am likely to be in trouble when we finally land on Earth and I know I am not really worthy of you but I am selfish and really want to keep it unless you force me to break it which I wouldn't blame you for because who wants to be mentally tied to someone as messed up as I am?' JT pulls his hands free to respond only to have them grasped again before a gentle pull tugs him into the Captain's quarters letting the hatch shut behind him.
“I do not care why you might be in trouble when we reach Earth, I do not care if others might see you as unworthy, I only care that you desire me as I desire you. I would choose no other to be bound to, you are T'hy'la, Friend, Brother, Lover, the other part of my very soul.” at Spock's whispered words JT basically melts into the other man's fierce embrace.
'I was serious about the whole being in trouble when we reach Earth bit' JT moves away enough to look into the dark brown eyes staring adoringly down at him.
“Then it is very fortunate that my Father is an esteemed diplomat and my clan Matriarch holds a very high political position, both of whom will do all in their power to keep my bondmate by my side or at the very least in their custody rather than elsewhere” Spock replied, JT wasn't sure that Spock's family would succeed but he knew that they would try and honestly that was all he could ask of them.
'So does that mean I get to have my way with you Captain?' the question once again seemed to surprise Spock but he nodded in acquiescence.
“I would not be adverse to your suggestion, although I believe it will be more me having my way with you ashayam.” this time the deep voice had a distinct growl to it as JT found himself tumbled onto the bed.
'An equally acceptable proposition' he replied before tugging his gloves off in order to run his hands over Spock's bare skin, JT wasn't sure what the future held but he was sure that he would never have to face it alone. The fragile bond that stretched between them sang and flared, blossoming into a blazing symphony as they melded in both mind and body.
Notes:
Took me longer to find my muse and honestly not 100% happy with how it turned out. Contemplating a sequel but not sure yet if I have the inspiration to pull it off how I want.
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