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Ariadne took a shaky breath as she willed her limbs to stop trembling and raised her hand to knock. That option was taken from her when the door swung open before she could touch it, revealing Dwalin’s massive frame. She felt her breath being knocked out of her at the sight of her fiancée. She looked unforgivingly straight through her, a hard glint in her eyes, making Ari feel small and pathetic, the phantom of other hands on her body making her look away to blink away tears of frustration.
She followed her as she lead to her lounge in silence and let her sit on the armchair, her hands clinging to the bag in her hands. The silence between them was heavy and she could hear her heart through the blood rushing in her ears. Trying to hide the stutter in her movements, she put the bag delicately on his coffee table and pushed it in her direction, keeping her eyes abated as she grabbed it and took a look.
“What the fuck, Aria” Her rocksolid lover’s voice seethed, just shy of a yell.
“I’m not…” Ari started, losing her voice and her trail of thoughts, trying to jumble together how to present this and minimize the damage. “I’m sorry, ‘Lin. For everything. I didn’t want… I know I messed up. I know I’m not good at relationships. You’re the best thing that happened to me in a long time and I screwed everything up. But I know… I know you’re. You’re you. And so. So I’m not worth the… trouble; and this should go to someone better. Someone you deserve not…. I’m a mess. I just… I didn’t think.”
“Fuck yes you didn’t think, you put your tongue down some asshole’s throat and didn’t even hesitate did you?” Dwalin growled, while she still kept her eyes away from her taller lover. “How many, Ari? How many people did you fuck while telling me you wanted to take things slow?”
She flinched as the words registered like whiplashes through the jumbled chaos in her mind.
“I didn’t! I don’t! I would never do this to you, Dwalin.” She urged, her breath hitching with the beginning of a crying jag.
“But you did. You said you were going to have a few drinks with Ori and a colleague and Nori...Fucking NORI finds you humping the dude in an alley behind the club you were at? Were you even trying to hide your fuckbuddy? You went to Nori’s club. You should have known…” Dwalin continued, standing up abruptly and starting pacing as Ari tried to make herself smaller in the armchair, hiking her shoulders up and closing her arms around her stomach, leaning forward slightly, feeling the tears fall from her cheeks.
“I thought I was okay, I swear. I just had one glass of white wine. I wanted to go home but you said to try and have fun and get out of your hair.” The petite brunette whispered, not even sure if Dwalin could hear her. “But then. I couldn’t breath and… and everything looked wobbly and Ori had to leave and I couldn’t see Nori so I went out back and… and…”
Dwalin had stopped in her tracks and stayed silent as a tomb, the shorter woman could feel her lover’s gaze boring into her, but Ari needed to get this off her chest because it was clawing at her inside and the fuzzy images from that night assaulted her mind at inopportune times and maybe, maybe saying it out loud would help, like all the books said. Then again books were often wrong… but still she powered through.
“I know I don’t deserve to explain myself.” She rushed through, bowing even further into her laps, nearly bent in two. “But I didn’t want. I just needed some air. I didn’t think Bolg would follow. I didn’t try. I only had one drink! I know I get handsy when I drink too much which is why Ori was supposed to stay with me because Ori knows and he lets me keep my hands busy playing with his hair so I don’t… I don’t know maybe? I can’t remember right but maybe I came onto him and he thought… so I’m sorry I’m bad at this. I tried. For you I tried. But I’m just not good at. I’m not good at being with someone and not fucking things up.”
“So when you’re drunk you fuck anything that moves?”
“N-no I just. I like to hug? You know that. We… we got drunk together remember. And I, I just like holding onto people and cuddling and maybe I cuddled Bolg and he thought it was a thing but it wasn’t supposed to be a thing. I just screwed up because I didn’t realize he didn’t get it. I told him that. That I was with … but he just… I know I flirt a lot and I don’t realize but I try not to tease. I’m not good at realizing when I tease and I guess he thought but. I’m sorry.”
Ari heard her tall lover take an explosive breath and suddenly there was jean-clad legs in front of her and calloused careful hands on her shoulders, pushing her back so she’d look up to meet Dwalin’s eyes, despite the tears and ragged breath. Her lover looked white under her tan and there was something dangerous in her eyes that made Ari recoil slightly, though she didn’t break eye contact.
“Aria… did you say ‘no’” Dwalin asked, nearly gentle in her words though her expression remained unforgiving.
“I think…” Ari stuttered, hating the fact that she didn’t know, she couldn’t remember, anything after Ori had to leave was fuzzy at best, if there at all, and Ori left before she ordered and she painstakingly revealed that to Dwalin who’s looked got even more closed off.
“How many drinks do you remember? Did you leave it unattended?” Dwalin pressed on, though she could feel a slight tremor through the hands on her shoulders.
“I just had the one. I know I just had one. I went to the bathroom before the drinks arrived and they were there when I got back. I don’t know. Maybe I got more but I can’t.” She let out a frustrated noise and let her head fall down, breaking eye contact.
“Did you feel like cuddling with Bolg before your drink? Is he as good a friend as Ori?”
“No he’s new. Moved from the LA branch because of some internal office thing, I don’t listen to gossip. Why are you… I’m sorry okay? I’m not good at.”
Whatever she wanted to say got lost when she felt her tall bear of a lover engulf her into a gentle but tight embrace, both of them sounding ragged now. There was something niggling at the back of her head about why Dwalin would react like that but the noise in her mind had finally quieted and she just enjoy the moment.
“Fuck. I’m sorry Aria, I should have known. Fuck I will kill that bastard and string him up by his balls.” Dwalin lamented against her ear, holding onto her and dragging her onto her laps as she sat back on her haunches in front of the armchair, Ari’s arms automatically wounding around her bigger lover to steady herself and hold on just as tight.
Ari tightened her grip on her fiancée’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered, letting her head fall against Dwalin’s shoulder.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Fuck I’m pretty sure Nori tried to tell me but I just heard that he caught you with a guy and I couldn’t think anymore.”
“I just mess shit up all the time. I don’t know how love works”
“Hey no. Aria, I’m sorry I didn’t let you explain. I was being a dick. You have nothing to be sorry about. Fuck. I know I’m not the best conversationalist and we don’t really talk about feelings that much but that was my shitty self-confidence and paranoia and you were fucking assaulted for fuck sake. It’s. Not. Your. Fault.”
The smaller woman felt her breath hitch again and tears start streaming from her eyes as she could hear the raw emotion in Dwalin’s voice.