Chapter Text
In Bård’s honest opinion, his brother was probably one of the most amazing people in the world. Of course it wasn’t something he was going to say out loud, like, ever, but it was just something he had to constantly think. He did amazing job with singing, playing instruments and acting. He had interesting friends and he could get anyone to talk to him, about everything as well, be it planes, be it physics or be it the latest celebrity gossip. He, Bård, on the other hand, was still just a 17 year old teenager that didn’t even know what he wanted to do with his life.
“What are you looking at?” Vegard laughed, rising his eyebrows and looking at Bård. The other shook his head and smiled.
“Nothing. Keep playing,” he encouraged, nodding towards the piano. Vegard smiled back and placed his hands on the keyboard again, playing the tune he had just abruptly cut off.
Bård thought if he was showing the affection a bit too much. Or admiration. He didn’t even have a proper name for what he was feeling, he only knew it was definitely something he had never felt towards someone else. It definitely wasn’t envy, though, that he was sure of.
“Bård, stop it!” Vegard laughed, standing up and hiding his hands behind his back. “You are making me nervous.”
The younger boy let out a short laugh as well. “Fine, your highness, I will be in my room,” he said, turning around and rising his hands above his head to stretch. “You have been playing the same song all day anyway.”
Vegard sighed and sat back down, smirking to himself. Of course he needed to play the same song over and over again, he needed to be quite perfect if he wanted to perform in a proper show at the local theater. After a moment, however, the expression on his face turned into a more serious one.
He had started to worry about Bård a few weeks ago, actually. The guy seemed to be alone a lot, usually hiding in his room when he got home. On the other hand, he was always up to do something together. The latter thing was fine, of course, but Vegard felt a bit awkward. Like right now – the look on his brother’s face was something he was not used to seeing. He also seemed to yearn for his attention a lot more than usually. He wondered if something was bothering him, but surely he would have told him already?
Taking a deep breath, Vegard stood and walked up the stairs, stopping behind the closed door of Bård’s room. “Everything okay there?” he asked, knocking politely. Hearing nothing, he opened the door, only to find the other staring back at him, earphones on, lying on his bed.
Bård removed one of the pieces from his ears. “What’s up?” he asked. “Already miss the audience?” His smile was wide, but didn’t feel genuine enough. Vegard knew him too well for it. His eyes looked sad and almost kind of foggy, there wasn’t this spark he had just seen minutes ago.
The older brother walked forward and popped down on the bed as well. “Not really, but my hands are tired,” he complained in the fake whiny voice. Bård hit him with the pillow. “I was actually thinking of going out later, do you want to come? I’m just going to meet up with some friends.”
Bård at least made a face as if he was thinking about it. Rest of their family had gone to visit their grandparents, but Bård had a summer job at home, so he couldn’t go; Vegard had stayed behind to keep him company. So they were alone anyway and the thought of spending the evening and night completely without anyone else, was not so good. He nodded after a bit. “Sure.”
“Okay.” Vegard smiled a little and was almost about to get up when he changed his mind. “By the way…” he stopped, worrying his lip. “Is everything okay? You seem a bit… strange, recently.”
At that, Bård actually stopped the music. He sighed and nodded, smiling a bit tiredly. “Yeah, no need to worry. This job is pretty exhausting,” he answered, shrugging and looking out of the window. “Also… ah, yeah. I’m good.”
Vegard wasn’t convinced, but he wasn’t really sure what else to say. It seemed almost as if the guy was trying to hide something from him, even though it was unlikely, they rarely kept things from each other. Even if it was embarrassing or weird or… well, basically they told each other everything.
He grabbed Bård’s ankle and squeezed a little. “You know you can trust me,” he tried once more, looking ahead to catch his brother’s eyes that seemed to be avoiding him now. Finally the other looked back.
Picking up the pillow he had used to hit Vegard, he covered his face with it and mumbled something incoherent. “What was that now?” Vegard asked, smiling a little and trying to pull it away. It reminded him of the time when they both were about ten years younger.
Bård just looked at him once he succeeded. “I was actually just thinking of us,” he said slowly after a bit, figuring Vegard won’t probably leave him alone before he can get a piece of his mind anyway. It was their thing – not leaving the other alone, be it whatever. And he knew it. Why was it so difficult then? Why was telling how he felt so difficult? Even if it was awkward, if anyone, Vegard would be able to at least give some insight. He always could.
“Of us? Sorry, I don’t really follow you here,” the other chuckled, turning a bit so he would be more comfortable with looking at Bård. He had an idea, but that was it.
The younger brother nodded slowly, sighing and pushing away the need to cover his face again. “It’s just that sometimes… I feel like, I don’t know. I just think about the future a lot. About what will happen to us,” he glanced around. “But.. I don’t know what I feel like,” he finally got out and one side of his mouth quirked up, obviously feeling a bit better.
“Bård, seriously, what? You make me sick with worry,” Vegard said, suddenly feeling a bit annoyed, even. He grabbed his hands and pulled him upwards, into a hug. “Everything is okay, you sound like something bad will happen.” He felt the other snuggling a bit closer to his neck and rubbed his back. “Let’s just go out for a bit and relax, alright? The others have told me to bring you several times already.”
He kept quiet for quite a bit, just feeling the warmth spread within him after finally moving away. “Sorry,” he said then, grabbing his music player again. Vegard smiled and patted his knee.
“No need to. You are my brother, I love you.”
Bård fell down onto his mattress dramatically. “Get out,” he said and threatened the other with the pillow again. Vegard laughed at the sight and disappeared behind the door. His expression changed, once out of sight, and he bit his lip. He was almost sure he knew what Bård felt, even though it was obviously impossible. Deciding not to think of it tonight, he went to take a shower to get ready.
The younger brother put the music back on, the sounds of the song Vegard had played previously filling his ears. He turned on the bed, frustrated, and decided to do everything in order to enjoy himself tonight. Enough of the self-loathing, he couldn’t be stuck there forever.
-o-
“And this is my brother,” Vegard finished, sitting beside Bård and making him move closer to someone else. They were pressed into a booth that produced a nice privacy, but was a bit too small for all of them. Being the Saturday night, the bar was filled with young people.
“Finally! We have been asking about you forever, Anders even tried to convince us, at one point, that Vegard made you up,” someone with short brownish hair said and Bård laughed. It seemed that Vegard’s friends shared the same sense of humor he had.
It wasn’t as if Vegard hadn’t introduced him to his friends on purpose, it was rather because they had a general group of friends that they knew thanks to high school, and this Vegard’s group of people from the college he studied acting at now. When going out with Bård, they usually met up with the people both of them knew more.
“Oh, come on,” Vegard smiled and threw an arm around Bård’s shoulders, who wiggled uncomfortably, but laughed nevertheless. “I almost wish he was made up, though, he is so much better in acting and all this,” he added after a moment and the other poked him on the ribs.
“We’ll see about it soon, I guess?” the guy named Anders tried to confirm and Bård nodded enthusiastically. “Anyway, who is up for some drinks?” the older guy asked then, looking around in their table, where everyone seemed to nod. “I’m buying the first round.”
“How generous of you,” the others called out after he left towards the bar and then got back to talking about the performance Vegard was practicing for. Apparently each year, best of the piano students got the honor.
“And you didn’t tell me?” Bård demanded at that, a fake disappointment in his voice. “I would have said how you always messed up on the second minute mark-“ Vegard held back a scream as others burst into laughter and someone high fived the younger brother over the table.
Soon enough Anders got back with the drinks with a help of some girl who apparently also was a part of their group of friends. “Oh no, there is not enough room,” Øyvind complained, asking people to move. Bård felt being even more crushed between Vegard and some blond guy who hadn’t said almost anything so far.
He was at that point forced to exchange a glance with him, though, being uncomfortably close to each other.
“Hi. Calle,” the other introduced himself, a bottle of beer loosely between his fingers on the left hand, as he extended his right towards Bård.
“Hey,” Bård answered, accepting the hand in an awkward shake. “Sorry, I just…” he tried to move in order to take up less space, but it was pretty much impossible at that point.
“No worries. Plenty of room,” the other said, smiling a bit while his eyes stayed serious. They were amazingly bright colour of blue, as Bård noticed.
“Hah, yeah,” he muttered, turning back to someone calling out for his attention. Despite the uncomfortable situation, the night was fun.
People kept buying drinks, even Vegard, and as he looked at Bård once or twice, he didn’t even bother saying he shouldn’t probably drink that much. He didn’t want to be the boring big brother at that point, he just wanted them both to relax and have fun together. That was probably why he missed the look on one of his friends’ faces.