Work Text:
Riku took a deep breath. “Hey, Mickey?” he asked as they walked through the Realm of Darkness. He needed to talk to someone about this, but it was a very delicate topic so he couldn't talk to just anyone; Mickey would know what to do though.
“Hmm? What is it, Riku? You look worried,” the mouse replied.
“Well… it’s a bit of a sensitive topic I guess, but you’re a lot older than me, so I thought maybe you would know what to do…” Riku trailed off.
Mickey looked at Riku expectantly. “You can ask me anything,” he confirmed. “We’re friends, after all!”
Riku nodded. “Thanks. Well… if you… hmm. How do I phrase this.” His questions were in regards to someone specific, but Riku didn't want to reveal who.
“Take your time; we’ve got plenty of it,” Mickey told him genially.
After a minute or two of mulling over how to approach the discussion, Riku spoke. “What would you do, hypothetically, if someone you know expressed that they wanted to… to hurt themself?”
“Hurt themself? How do you mean?” Mickey asked, a note of worry in his voice.
“Like… intentionally. And severely,” Riku explained, not wanting to outright say specifics; Mickey would surely understand the implication.
Mickey stopped his walking and turned towards Riku with a look of concerned surprise. “Gosh, Riku, that’s pretty heavy for a ‘hypothetical’! What brought this up?”
Riku stopped too. “Well…” he began, then bit his lip and shifted uncomfortably, debating how much he should reveal. His friend would definitely be mad if he learned Riku had told someone, but he truly was worried, and Riku wasn’t sure he could handle this on his own… well, he’d leave the friend’s name out of it; that wasn’t actually telling. Riku only needed advice; once he had it he could handle things himself. Riku sighed as he explained further, “Okay, fine, it’s not hypothetical. So—somebody I know admitted that to me recently. I mean, I did manage to mitigate the situation, but I’m still worried. H—they say they’ll tell me if they start thinking like that again, but I’m worried my friend might decide not to talk about it, and then act on the thoughts.”
“What type of thoughts exactly?” Mickey asked, voice serious, although Riku was sure the mouse had caught on.
Riku took a deep breath; it was tough to talk about this. “He said he wouldn’t do it, not as long as Ka—another friend and I are around. But he said he thinks people would be better off if he were gone… I convinced him otherwise I think, or at the very least that Kairi and I wouldn’t be, but if he starts believing that again…” Riku’s voice cracked slightly; he realized he actually had a few tears falling down his cheeks, which he wiped off with his sleeve. “I’m afraid he might follow through with his thoughts. I’m really, really worried.”
Mickey looked progressively more worried as Riku spoke. He worded things carefully. “Riku. It sounds like your friend may need more help than you can give. Please be specific; what exactly has he expressed he wants to do? What was the context he said it in?”
Riku paused for a moment, looking at the ground. Then he said quietly, “I found him thinking about jumping off a ledge, one of the ones on a floating island, wondering if his air magic would automatically save him or not if he did, because apparently it does when he falls off regular cliffs—I don’t know if he found that out by accident or not. I think he might have actually jumped if I hadn’t found him.”
Mickey paused for a moment, then asked, “Riku, are you talking about Sora?”
Riku bit his lip and nodded, not bothering to ask how Mickey had deduced it so quickly.
Mickey seemed to be hiding surprise at the confirmation, then said, “I must admit, he’s the last person I’d expect to feel that way…”
“He hides it really well,” Riku told the mouse, everything now spilling out in an uncontrolled rush, not even bothering to hide the tears falling. “I hadn’t even realized, not really. I knew he had some insecurities—he had to, since Xehanort managed to draw them out during the exam; he knows how to manipulate little subconscious things to draw out darkness, so I figured that he’d just done that. But apparently that hadn’t been the case. Sora told me he had already been feeling depressed before that, so Xehanort didn’t have much work to do at all. He’s been hurting all this time, and we were all blind to it, and even added to it! You know all the times he says ‘my friends are my power’? Apparently he meant that more literally than we’d thought. He thinks he’s worthless without us, and losing his strength again and the pressure caused by needing to regain the power of waking only increased that feeling. He said he thinks we’d be better off without him!” Riku's tears turned into full-out crying as he said between sniffles, “H-how could anyone be b-better off without him? M-me I’d understand, but him? H-he’s everyone’s l-light! Yet he h-honestly feels that n-no one but me and K-kairi care about him enough to m-make it worth s-staying alive. I don’t kn-know what to d-do. If he loses m-me or K-kairi, which is very p-possible in this war, h-he’ll… he’ll do it, I’m s-sure he will. And I c-can’t lose him either.” Riku’s voice cracked again. “I c-can’t. I love him. He’s m-my light; without him, l-life wouldn’t be w-worth living; I’d pr-probably fall back to d-darkness… no, I d-definitely would. Sora k-keeps me in the l-light. Wait, th-this isn’t about me, s-sorry, I’m r-rambling now. P-point is, it’s bad.” Riku rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms to remove the tears as he took a few deep breaths to calm down. How embarrassing, breaking down like that in front of his friend and mentor! Thankfully Mickey wasn't the type of person to laugh about that. Riku wondered how much of his rant the mouse had understood.
Mickey looked even more worried now. “Okay, firstly, that last bit about you needs to be addressed too, but we’ll talk about that later. As to Sora, he definitely needs professional help, no doubt about it. First we need to get him to a safe place where we know he won’t be able to hurt himself. Then, we’ll find a place where he can go to get help—I know Radiant Garden has a psychiatrist he can see—”
"Wait, what?" Riku interjected. "Psychiatrist? You can't just, I dunno, have Donald and Goofy watch him more closely or something?" He hadn't thought Mickey would take such an extreme action right away!
"Riku, this is beyond that," Mickey said patiently. "I think you know that."
Riku sighed. He did know that… He didn’t really like the idea of forcing Sora to see a stranger about all this, but yeah, Riku had to admit that logically psychiatric care was the best option, and Mickey definitely wasn't going to let this go regardless of Riku's opinion. Hopefully Sora would forgive Riku for saying something.
Mickey correctly interpreted the sigh as acknowledgement. He continued, "So, as I was saying, Radiant Garden—"
“Why there? What about the Islands?” Riku interrupted. “They have people, and he can stay with his family.”
Mickey shook his head. “We’ll need someone who knows about other worlds, magic, keyblade-wielders, and other things like that. The person I know has helped inter-world travellers in the past. Sora can stay at Merlin’s—he has friends there, too, which will be good for him, and they’re also more responsible adults who I’m sure would be happy to help keep an eye on things. Merlin’s house can also create rooms, so I’m sure it can provide one that is safe.” It sounded like Mickey had dealt with a situation like this in the past, possibly with Merlin’s help then too.
Riku sighed. “Yeah, I suppose that all makes sense,” he agreed. His shoulders slumped slightly. “But Sora’s going to hate me for this…”
Mickey shook his head. “No, I’m certain he won’t. He’ll be upset and confused at first, definitely. It might even be for a while, as this will take work to get through. But Sora is very forgiving, and from my understanding, most people forgive their loved ones once they’re feeling better, and are even thankful. It can come as a shock to them to suddenly be told they need to see someone, and confusing, but once they have some time to think they typically understand why their loved one did such and realize that they probably wouldn’t get better otherwise.”
“Right… yeah, you’re right. We’ll get through it,” Riku said. He was worried, yet relieved too. Sora would be getting help. That’s what mattered. Even if Sora hated him forever, knowing Sora was alive and healthy would be enough… that’s what he told himself despite the corner of his brain saying life wasn't worth it if that happened.
“Also, one more thing," Mickey said. "I’d really recommend you see someone, too.”
“What?” Riku asked blankly, completely thrown off by that. “Why?”
Mickey sighed. “Well, I’ll be completely straight with ya: you seem dangerously codependent on Sora.”
“What do you mean?” Riku asked, automatically on the defensive.
“Riku, you just admitted that without Sora, you wouldn’t see a meaning to life and would fall to darkness.”
Riku froze. Shit. “I… said that?” He’d actually said that aloud?
Mickey nodded. “You did, yes. Plus, you’ve been through a lot of traumatic things in general. It does help to see someone; I even saw a therapist for a bit, after losing the missing keyblade wielders,” Mickey admitted.
Riku bit his lip, thinking, trying to stay calm. It was annoying to have that pointed out. Logically he understood what Mickey was saying… but did he really need to see a therapist about it? Sure it was a dangerous thought, but as long as Sora stayed safe he’d be fine. But Mickey was a lot older than Riku, who was still a teen, so if he was suggesting it, maybe he should at least try it out. Knowing Mickey had gone too assuaged some of the reluctance. “I’ll think about it,” Riku concluded, slightly sullen. “But I don’t usually have the thoughts Sora was expressing. We need to focus on him now, not me,” he said firmly.
A look of surprise crossed Mickey’s face as he looked at Riku.
“What?” Riku asked, unsure why the mouse was staring at him. Did he say something incriminating again?
“What do you mean by ‘usually’?” Mickey asked tepidly.
“Huh?”
“You said you ‘don’t usually have those thoughts’. What thoughts are you talking about?”
Oh. Well, damn. Riku shook his head and said quickly, “It’s nothing to worry about. I have things under control. Now enough about me; again, Sora’s the one to worry about.”
Mickey nodded, now back to a more collected demeanor. “Right, if ya say so. Okay, I’m going to make some calls now; we should do this as soon as possible. We’ll head straight to Radiant Garden after calling, to meet them there.”
"Makes sense," Riku agreed, relieved Mickey had dropped the subject, although he also vaguely wondered why the mouse wanted to meet Sora there in-person. Well, whatever; Riku would take any excuse to see Sora, especially if the boy was going to hate him soon. Might as well get a hug in before the explosion.
*******
“King Mickey!” Donald said cheerfully as he answered his Gummiphone to find the mouse on the screen. “Is something wrong?” he added upon noting Mickey’s serious expression. The mouse appeared to be somewhere in the Realm of Darkness, a stark contrast from the lovely forest that Donald, Goofy, and Sora were walking through on their way to the Kingdom of Corona along with Flynn and Rapunzel, two people they had just met whom Donald didn’t yet trust but Sora and Goofy did so he’d been outvoted.
“Are you alone? Where’s Sora?” Mickey asked with unusual urgency.
Donald looked around until he spotted the youth. “He’s walking ahead; I think he’s trying to catch a bird for Rapunzel.”
“Who?”
“She’s a new friend!” Goofy said, jumping into the conversation. “Her and Flynn. We’re helping them get to the town to see the lantern festival.”
“I see. How urgent is it?”
“Well, there’s a lot of heartless around here, so they do need our help,” Goofy replied.
“And Sora insisted,” Donald added. He’d been against it, but that was Sora for you—always helping people, even when they had more important things to do.
Mickey looked contemplative for a moment before answering. “Well, once you’re done with that, I’d like you to immediately head to Merlin’s place in Radiant Garden. Until then, I need you to keep a close eye on Sora. Don’t leave him alone.”
Donald looked at Goofy, who looked back at Donald with a reflection of his concern. “Why?” asked Donald, turning back to the phone. “Is someone after him?”
“No, it’s not that. I need you to keep this confidential, especially from Sora. Is anyone there who can overhear?” Mickey asked, sounding professional and to-the-point. This worried Donald, as Mickey only got that way when things were extremely serious.
Donald and Goofy looked around, and seeing no one within hearing distance, shook their heads.
“Okay, good,” Mickey continued. “I’ll get right to the point. There is reasonable cause for concern that Sora might try to hurt himself—”
“Wak!” Donald squawked loudly, barely believing his ears. “Sora would never do that!” The boy could be reckless, sure, so got hurt a lot, but it was never intentional.
“Hey, shhh!” Mickey said. “We don’t want him overhearing!”
Goofy looked confused. “What do you mean, try to hurt himself?”
“What’s this ‘reasonable cause’?” Donald asked, skeptical. Maybe someone was lying to Mickey, because Sora was the last person who would even think to intentionally hurt himself, Donald was certain.
“Well,” Mickey said patiently, “It has been brought to my attention that Sora recently expressed to someone feelings and thoughts that are concerning, and it’s been determined that they need to be addressed by a professional—”
“A professional!” Donald exclaimed. Surely this all was an overreaction. This was Sora they were talking about.
“Shh!” Mickey said again. “If he finds out why we want him in Radiant Garden, he might try to resist—”
“And rightfully so! You can’t force someone into that,” Donald argued. Especially Sora, because Sora couldn’t possibly be wanting to hurt himself. He was always so happy and carefree!
“Wait,” Goofy said, looking confused. “What are you two talking about? Force Sora to do what?”
“Mickey wants him to see a shrink!” Donald explained loudly. Goofy was a dear friend, but the dog could be awfully dim.
“Huh? Why would Sora need to do that? He’s always so happy!”
“Exactly!” Donald agreed.
“Sometimes the happiest people on the outside are the most miserable inside,” Mickey said sagely. “Not that Sora’s necessarily that bad!” he quickly added. “We don’t know for sure the full extent of it yet—that’s why I need you to bring him to Radiant Garden asap for an evaluation. And be sure to keep an eye on him.”
“But why do we need to keep an eye on him?” Goofy asked, still clearly confused. “Evaluated for what?”
Mickey sighed in exasperation. Donald understood the frustration; dealing with Goofy in these situations could be difficult. “I told you already: he might try to hurt himself. He needs to see someone to determine if that’s true or not.”
“Well of course it’s not true,” the dog said with confidence.
Donald narrowed his eyes. Mickey seemed to be dancing around something, intentionally using broad statements. “How specifically might he try to hurt himself?” Donald inquired. He wanted more details. “What do we need to look out for? Why is this so urgent? Why does he need to go all the way to Radiant Garden for some ‘professional’? Can’t they call?”
Mickey seemed to debate his answer, probably weighing how much to tell. “He’s most likely not going for just an evaluation,” the mouse finally admitted. “I already have a good idea of what they’ll determine. He’s most likely going to be residing at Merlin’s for the foreseeable future, where he can be safely monitored while he sees a psychiatrist for outpatient treatment.”
Donald looked at Mickey in shock. What would require such drastic measures? Surely not… “You’re making it sound like a suicide watch,” Donald accused.
Mickey’s brief silence and avoidance of answering spoke for him. “Please get him here as soon as possible,” the mouse instead said again. “Remember, I need you to keep a close eye on him—and don’t let him know what’s going on. If he figures it out, he’s a flight risk. I’ll see you in Radiant Garden.” Mickey abruptly hung up, probably to avoid further questions.
Donald looked worriedly at Sora, watching as he continued to try to catch a bird. The boy looked so incredibly happy; how could he possibly want to hurt himself—or worse?
“Donald?” Goofy asked. “What was Mickey talking about?”
“You heard him,” Donald said, only half paying-attention and becoming increasingly annoyed by the dog’s obtuseness. “He thinks Sora might want to hurt himself.”
“But why would he think that?”
Donald scoffed. “No idea. But whatever the reason, Mickey sounds confident that he needs help.”
“Help his friends can’t give him? I’m sure if a friend talked to him it’ll be sorted out easily. Everyone gets a little sad sometimes, after all.”
Donald tapped his foot in frustration and crossed his arms, fed up with this situation as well as the dog’s naïvity and lack of understanding. “It’s not just a little sad!” he snapped. “Mickey thinks he wants to kill himself!” he said bluntly, as the dog simply was. not. catching. on.
Goofy’s eyes widened. “Gawrsh, surely that can’t be true.”
Donald grumpily sighed. He wasn’t sure what his thoughts were on it any more; he’d like to believe that wasn’t true, but Mickey seemed awfully serious. Donald told Goofy, “Just stop thinking about it and follow Mickey’s orders.”
*******
“Riku!” Sora called, running up and giving him a full-bodied hug as he waited in front of Merlin’s house. “Hey, do you know why we’re here?”
“You two will be doing magic training with Merlin,” Mickey supplied. That had been Riku’s idea—if Sora was getting what he thought of as cool training, he’d be more likely to stay… wait. Did Mickey say both of them?
“Both of us?!” Sora exclaimed excitedly, still clinging to Riku. “Aw, man, Riku! That’s awesome! We finally get to do something together! Oh, and Lea and Kairi are training here too, right? We’ll all be together!”
Riku gave Mickey a reproachful look as Sora chattered on, also noting the implication that he would be there too. Mickey surely wasn’t going to insist Riku see someone, too? He’d said it was a recommendation!
“One caveat, though,” Mickey interjected, halting Sora’s excited tirade.
“What’s a caveat?” Sora asked, unfolding himself from Riku’s arms.
“A condition that we probably won’t like,” Riku said, now glaring at Mickey, certain that he was being forced to stay, too, and not understanding why.
Mickey nodded. “I’ve been thinking—both of you unexpectedly experienced multiple exceedingly traumatic events in just a couple years, of which you were not at all trained or prepared for. So, it’s been decided that before getting involved any more, you should—”
“No,” Sora interrupted. “I know what you’re getting at. I’m not seeing a therapist again.” He turned away from them and crossed his arms.
“Again!?” proclaimed Mickey, Donald, and Goofy. Riku shifted nervously. Right; he had forgotten about that. Back when Sora was a young child, as with many hyperactive and distractible kids who didn’t behave in ways the adults deemed ‘appropriate’, Sora had been sent to see someone to attempt to modify his behavior. It hadn’t worked very well—instead, apparently the so-called ‘therapy’ itself had caused trauma, judging by how much Sora would cry afterwards. Sora hadn’t mentioned it in many years.
“It’s not like that,” Riku said. “At least, I assume it’s not. It sounds like this is the kind that you just talk to, to sort out feelings and stuff, not… that kind.”
Sora gave Riku a reproachful look. “How do you know? Are you in on this?”
Riku shook his head. It hadn’t technically been his idea, after all. He didn't confirm nor deny it; instead he pointed out, “They’re making me go too, it sounds like.” Which Riku was still puzzled about. So what if maybe he had some codependency issues or something? It wasn’t enough to warrant this, was it? Maybe Mickey just wanted him to go so Sora would be more willing. Yeah, that must be it.
Sora turned to Mickey and crossed his arms, clearly upset. “What if we don’t want to go?”
“Then you won’t go on any missions, or train with Merlin,” Mickey said. “You’ll stay with Yen Sid and do book studies.”
Riku was the one to protest that. “What! You can’t—”
“I can,” Mickey said firmly.
Sora clung to Riku again. “Don’t let them hurt me,” he quietly pleaded.
Riku looked down at Sora in bewilderment. Hurt? What had they done to him as a kid? He knew it wasn’t pleasant, but to get this type of reaction... “I’m not going to let anyone hurt you,” Riku said adamantly. “I’ll go with you, if you want. But I promise you, it’s not like whatever the school made you go to.” At least he hoped it wasn't.
Mickey frowned slightly at that, but didn’t say anything.
“Well, come on, let’s not stand outside all day,” Donald suddenly squawked, waddling over to the door.
As the others went inside, Mickey pulled Riku aside, probably to ask him questions about what Sora had said—it certainly was a snag in the plan to get Sora help. Riku was fine with this, as he wanted to talk to Mickey, too.
“Riku,” Mickey said. “Do you know why Sora reacted that way earlier? We probably should notify the psychiatrist about it.”
Riku raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. “‘We’? I got the sense that it was more ‘you’. You suggested he see someone, and now you’re insisting I see someone too!”
Mickey cringed at Riku's harsh tone. “Right. Well. Just trust me on that, okay? I think it’ll help.”
Riku glared at Mickey. “I’m telling you, I don’t need it,” he insisted.
“Riku, you said you were having similar thoughts to Sora, right?”
“What? No! No, not to that extent! Come on, everyone has those thoughts sometimes; I’d never actually do anything. It’d hurt everyone too much,” Riku argued.
Mickey gave Riku a pointed look.
“I’m serious! It’s fine!”
“Riku, you do realize what you just said, right?”
“What?”
“You said basically the same thing you said Sora was saying: that you have the thoughts, but wouldn’t do anything because others would be hurt.”
“What? No, I…” Riku trailed as he realized that he had in fact said that. Oh. “But everyone has—”
“No, they don’t,” Mickey interjected.
“Well, whatever,” Riku huffed. “I still don’t need it," he insisted. "It's not that bad; I handle it fine.”
Mickey sighed, seeming to realize that his argument was getting nowhere. “Well, then, at least do it for Sora, hmm? He’ll need your support. Staying here with him is a good thing!” Mickey pointed out, then added, “Might help with the nightmares, too.” Riku pursed his lips. That was a low blow. Besides, they all had nightmares.
After half a minute of silence, Riku caved. “Fine. I’ll do it, I guess. For Sora.”
Mickey nodded. “Excellent! Now, about Sora’s reaction…?”
Riku sighed and lowered his arms. “I don’t know the full details, but as a young kid—really young, like preschool-age and early elementary-school—Sora was very hyper and distractible. Still is, but it was even more so then I guess. Or maybe it was just the age, I dunno. At least, it was enough that the school deemed it problematic, and sent him to some sort of therapy to attempt to fix it. Uh, I think it was called DDT? TDD?”
“DTT?” Mickey supplied, looking worried.
“Yeah, I think that was it," Rikun recalled. "Sora didn’t talk much about it though; all I know is that he really hated it. You know of it?”
Mickey nodded. “Yeah. It’s a behavior modification program, often referred to as a type of therapy, that has been either directly outlawed or highly modified in many places. I'm guessing by his reaction that the original form was what your school used when you were kids, especially because the Islands seem a bit… well…”
“Behind the times?”
“Yeah. Anyway, DTT stands for ‘Discrete Trial Training’. The goal is to teach children proper behavior by having them perform tasks and then, for more modern versions, using positive reinforcement when a child does the so-called desired behavior. But the original version also used negative reinforcement when the desired behavior wasn’t performed.”
Riku took a moment to process the information as he realized, “That sounds like… dog training.”
Mickey nodded. “That’s what advocates against it often equate it to.”
Riku frowned. “No, it’s more than that. It’s state-sanctioned abuse,” he asserted. The public school had made him go there, after all.
Mickey nodded at that too. “That’s why it’s been banned or changed in many places.”
“Yet not on the Islands,” Riku said, feeling disgusted. “At least, not when we were kids.”
“Yup. Unfortunately it’s only been fairly recently that worlds have started to realize how detrimental it is," Mickey explained, "Especially as kids who went through it get older and end up having visible trauma related to it… as you’ve just seen. It’s possible that’s actually an underlying cause of his self-esteem issues… I’ll leave that up to the psychiatrist to determine, though.”
Riku nodded. “Right… so the first step is to overcome his aversion to therapy itself…” Riku sighed. “This might be tougher than we thought. And Xehanort—”
“Let us deal with Xehanort,” Mickey interrupted in a no-nonsense voice. “You and Sora take care of yourselves first. Besides, I’m sure the magic Merlin teaches you will come in very handy!”
Suddenly, Riku had a thought. “Hey, did anyone tell Yen Sid about this?” he wondered.
Mickey smiled nervously. “Erm. I’ll handle that.”
Riku raised an eyebrow. “You sure you won’t need backup?”
*******
“So, to what do I owe this sudden meeting?” Yen Sid asked, voice and expression unreadable as usual.
Mickey fidgeted his fingers a little, well aware that Yen Sid would not like what he was going to say. “Well… Riku and Sora both won’t be able to do any missions for the foreseeable future.”
Yen Sid stared at Mickey for a long moment before replying. When he did, his tone was neutral. “And why would two of our Guardians be suddenly unavailable? By your tone, I assume they are not injured, dead, fallen to darkness, or kidnapped. Have they run away?”
Mickey blinked, surprised at the conclusion the wizard had reached. “Er. No, nothing like that. They just want to train some more.” It was only a partial-truth, but hopefully believable.
Yen Sid paused momentarily before saying, “That explanation does not make sense. Is training not what Sora has been doing while travelling with Donald and Goofy? And surely you can help Riku train while you carry out your mission.”
“Well, they’ll be training under Merlin—”
“Ah, so they wish to be with Kairi,” Yen Sid concluded. “Well, I suppose we can allow her to travel with Sora for a bit. Some field experience will be good for her.”
“Er. That’s not the issue either. You see, they want to learn magic with Merlin, not keyblade skills.”
Yen Sid raised an eyebrow. “I thought neither of them were good with magic?”
Mickey blinked. That statement was definitely not one bit true, but he could work with that. “Well, that’s why they want to train,” he lied.
“Mickey, do not lie to me,” Yen Sid said, now frowning. Oh, right; the wizard was good at recognizing liars. Well, that wasn’t good, not at all.
“It’s not—”
“Mickey. What is the true reason they are unavailable?” Yen Sid demanded.
Mickey wilted under Yen Sid’s stare. “I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you.”
“And why not?”
“It’s confidential,” Mickey stated, which was the truth; it was a medical concern, after all.
“Confidential,” Yen Sid repeated flatly.
“Yup. But they really are training with Merlin too,” Mickey hurriedly clarified. “They’ll be living there for now.” He hoped Yen Sid wouldn’t press. Mickey did technically have full authority to pull the boys from their keyblade duties, but it was still intimidating to do things without Yen Sid’s approval, as Mickey had been his apprentice.
Yen Sid fell quiet for a long while, thinking. Finally he spoke. “Fifteen years ago, another keyblade-wielder was unavailable for a while and stayed at Merlin’s. The reason was also called confidential. Surely it is not the same situation? Not with those two.”
Mickey bowed his head. “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you that.”
Yen Sid frowned. “Is it only one of them that needs to stay there, with the other for mere moral support, or is it truly both needing to be there?” The wizard undoubtedly now understood the situation.
Mickey sighed, looking up at Yen Sid with sad eyes. “It’s both. Definitely both.”
Yen Sid blinked slowly, processing that. “I have trouble believing it, at least with Sora," he admitted.
“I did too,” Mickey said quietly. But that’s how it was, sometimes: the people who seem happiest aren’t necessarily so.
*******
Riku flopped facedown on the bed in the room Merlin’s house had provided him. It was a small room with a twin-sized bed, across the hall from Sora's identical one on floor eight of Merlin’s one-story house. His things, which weren’t many, had been magically moved from his temporary room at Yen Sid’s tower. Riku wondered how much Mickey would reveal when explaining to Yen Sid; the mouse had said he wouldn’t reveal the true reason they were here, but it was fairly easy to intuit, especially with how observant Yen Sid was. The old wizard could sense lies, too, so might intimidate Mickey into telling.
Ugh. Why did Riku even need to do this, anyway? Okay, so maybe he had said some things that were objectively concerning in retrospect. But it wasn’t like he actually thought about seriously doing anything. At least, he hadn’t for a long while… true, there had been times he had been tempted to sink into the darkness and not bother crawling out, when he thought people would be better without him, but all he had to do to dissolve those thoughts was to think about Sora, his light. When Sora had fallen into a year-long sleep, Riku had accepted his purpose of watching over the brunette, which had only been strengthened after their exam when he had become Sora's dream-eater. As long as Riku had Sora, Riku would stay in the light. The only reason he’d want to die now would be if it were necessary to do so to protect Sora… okay, so maybe he did hold Sora’s life to a higher priority than his own, but that was only natural, seeing as that was true. Sora was Sora. He took priority over everyone. Although that might be Riku’s dream-eater part talking…
Riku’s door creaked open; he glanced up, but already knew it was Sora, thanks to their link. Sora closed the door and stepped over to Riku’s bed, which he then sat on the edge of. He seemed nervous.
“What’s up?” Riku asked.
Sora looked conflicted as he cautiously asked a question. “Riku… did you tell Mickey what happened at the Tower?”
Riku tensed slightly and closed his eyes, debating on how to say it. He'd prepared himself for this, but now that it was happening…
“You did, didn’t you?” Sora accused, sounding upset.
“Sora, please promise you’ll listen to me before getting upset or running off?” Riku pleaded.
Sora shifted nervously and was quiet for a long moment before answering. “Okay, fine,” he decided, sounding less angry than Riku expected. “But can you sit up? I want to see your eyes.”
“My eyes?” Riku asked as he complied, schooching to sit cross-legged on the bed as Sora did the same, facing Riku.
“Well they can’t lie, right?”
Riku chucked. “Sora, that referred to the color of darkness in them, which is gone…”
Sora grinned. “I know. I was talking about your dream-eater eyes.”
Riku looked at Sora blankly. “My what?”
“They change color for me!” Sora said happily. “Tied to your emotions I think. Ever since you became my dream-eater.”
This was news to Riku. He paled. Did everyone see his eyes change? How strong did his emotions have to be to change them? Had something in them alerted Mickey, causing his surprisingly strong insistence that Riku be sent here too?
Sora sensed this panic. “Oh! I’m pretty sure it’s just me that can see the colors, don’t worry!” he assured Riku. “No need to panic.”
Riku furrowed his brow. Panic? How did Sora know… wait… “Did my eyes change?” Riku asked.
Sora looked at Riku sheepishly. “They flashed orange, which I think is anxiety. But they’re their usual pretty blue-green now.”
“Okay, phew,” Riku sighed, then paused. “Wait, you think my eyes are pretty?”
Sora’s face reddened. “F-forget about that! Tell me if you told Mickey or not,” he insisted.
“I…” Riku looked away. “Sort of, but not intentionally.”
Sora frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean? And I said look at me,” he demanded.
Riku met Sora’s eyes. He took a deep breath and then spoke quickly, struggling not to look away as he explained, “I was concerned about what to do, so I asked Mickey a hypothetical question, but then he realized it wasn’t hypothetical and asked me more about it, so I tried to answer without revealing who specifically I meant, but he figured it out anyway, and then I ended up on a really emotional rant because I was so worried about you, and I guess some stuff I said during that was concerning too or whatever so I’m being forced too, but that’s not the point, I just was really really worried, Sora, and wanted to know what I could do to help. I had no idea this would be the outcome, I swear Sora. Please don’t be too mad at me,” Riku begged; he had looked down and the volume of his voice lowered dramatically at the last sentence, and to his horror Riku realized there were tears forming in his eyes. “Please don’t be mad, I don’t want to lose you. But I didn’t know what else to do, Sora, I was scared and worried and—”
Sora interrupted. “Hey, shhh, it’s okay, I’m not mad, don’t panic, you’re not gonna lose me,” he assured Riku. Somewhere during Riku’s rant Sora had grabbed Riku’s hand with both of his.
“I-I’m not panicking,” Riku choked out, using his other hand to paw at the tears in his eyes. Why was he being so emotional? He was supposed to be the one supporting Sora, not the other way around.
Sora gently smiled at Riku. “Your eyes can’t lie to me, remember?”
Riku blushed. “R-right… y-you’re really not mad at me?”
Sora sighed and looked away. “I am a bit annoyed, not gonna lie,” he admitted. “But no, not mad. I was earlier, but Cloud talked to me, helped me understand that you all only want to help me… I guess I’m mostly pissed at myself, honestly. I didn’t want to cause everyone so much worry…”
“Sora…” Riku began, trying to think of a good way to answer that.
Sora then frowned. “But, wait… what about you?” he asked.
“What about me?” Riku repeated, confused at what Sora meant.
“You. I thought you were just here to support me or whatever? But you said you’re being forced too.”
Riku winced. “You caught that, huh? I…” Riku sighed. “I guess I sometimes have similar thoughts as you,” he admitted. “I got upset and was crying and I mentioned that without you I’d… well, I guess I value your life a whole lot more than mine. Which I don’t think is bad but apparently it is.”
Sora sighed, then gave Riku a wry smile. “That’s pretty much how I feel too. With everyone, really, but you most of all,” he divulged. Sora sighed. “But, I guess you knew that already, huh?”
“Yeah,” Riku confirmed. “Again, I’m—”
“If you say you’re sorry again I’m gonna punch you!” Sora interjected. Riku had a feeling he was serious. Sora continued, “I told you, it’s cool. I get it. I’d probably do the same in your shoes,” he admitted, to Riku’s surprise. “I love you, Riku; I wouldn’t want you dying, especially by… well, you know.” Sora had tears forming in his eyes now too.
Riku put his free hand on Sora's shoulder, taking a moment to process what Sora had just said. “Yeah, I know… and I love you too,” he told the brunette with a soft smile. This wasn’t how he’d ever imagined confessing that to Sora, but not everything could go as planned.
Sora beamed. “Riku!” he declared as he let go of Riku's hand, thrust his arms around Riku's waist, and buried his face in Riku’s chest, clearly happy.
Riku chuckled. Somehow, he now felt content with the situation: the two were together, there were no hard feelings, and hopefully Sora would be feeling better about himself once this was all over. Would Riku rather be in the field? Of course. But this wasn’t the worst situation, and he was with Sora. As long as Riku was with Sora, things would be okay. Perhaps they could even travel together a little after this; surely Aqua would be found by the time this was all over.
Maybe getting help wasn't such a bad thing, after all.