Chapter Text
Chapter 01
.
.
.
Shiro’s voice trembles when he says it,
“I want to be free.”
.
.
.
Curtis, through the lump in his throat, past the fog in his brain and with tears threatening to fall, manages to say, “Didn’t know you weren’t,”
Then immediately he adds, “I’ll be gone quickly,” because he doesn't want to drag this painful conversation anymore.
Curtis doesn’t know how he managed that herculean task. But he also manages to grab a bag and fill it with essentials like uniforms and casuals. Then he grabs ‘some’ key and gets out the door. Out of sheer respect for himself, Curtis doesn’t even look at the man who rejected him without so much as an explanation.
.
.
.
It’s only when he’s in the garage that he realizes he’s taken Shiro’s car keys. It wouldn’t be prudent to take a trip back into the house to get ‘his’ car keys. Shiro was crying, sitting on the floor with his back against the sofa and it was an unnatural scene to watch Shiro - hero of the universe so broken. Curtis immediately starts to hate himself, because he had vowed himself that he will never hurt Shiro, ever. But it had happened so quickly that he didn't even know until Shiro stopped coming home without an explanation. It was all his fault, it had to be, he should never have entered Shiro's life.
It takes Curtis all his strength to overcome his instincts trying to drag his feet back in to the house. Just two months ago, they had said ‘till death do us apart’. Shaking off the feelings that make him want to sit next to his husband and console, pepper kisses until he is fine, and forget the fact that he just ejected him from his life like a waste pod, Curtis decides to take Shiro’s car for now. His heart betrayed him, tricked him in to love once, and he won’t let that happen again. The engine of Shiro’s monstrous car roars into life with that promise.
He drives mindlessly, when he stops the engine, he’s at Veronika’s place.
.
.
.
Maybe it was the steep curve he took to her driveway that makes Veronika look scared as she steps out of her house.
“Curtis, what’s the matter?”
Impatiently as he keeps one foot in the car, the other foot outside, Veronika runs to him.
“Please Roni, can I crash with you just for tonight?”
The hug she gives him is larger than her tiny body, “you know you can crash with me forever if you want.”
She doesn’t ask any questions, and Curtis doesn’t say a single thing either.
.
.
.
He doesn’t crash on her sofa, because he had a room in her place since the first day she bought it and Curtis had been doing all the heavy work including moving furniture to electric repairs to plumbing even after he got married and Curtis moved into Shiro’s place. His stuff is still there, like it’s his own room in his own house, like Veronika always expected him to fail his marriage and crash with her.
.
.
.
When Curtis falls asleep that day, it’s due to sheer exhaustion of mind. When he wakes up it’s due to the aroma of chocolate waffles. He scurries into the kitchen like a mad man, so hungry. He either didn’t have dinner last night or his metabolism burnt all the 10% body fat he had left in his body - thanks to Shiro’s healthy eating, in order to survive the mental trauma of being rejected by Shiro. Either way, he is hungry. Veronika’s smile is wry when she notices him.
“I knew I could get you to wake up this way.”
Curtis sits up at the breakfast table and digs into the plate full of waffles she places in front of him. Cream and chocolate syrup coats the inside of his mouth in a thick layer, Curtis feels at cloud nine. He doesn’t remember the last time he enjoyed a meal like this. Shiro had a strict diet guide based on their body composition and metabolic type. Chocolate waffles were never included, and Curtis didn't feel like exposing his sweet tooth and disappointing Shiro. Straight away he wonders if Shiro’s having breakfast too, his mind provides the image of how sad he looked yesterday, and the piece of waffles in his mouth gets stuck in his throat. He coughs, and Veronika leaves the stove to pat on his back.
“If you’re wondering whether Shiro’s had his breakfast, stop that thought right now,” she warns. Curtis lifts his head and casts a glance through the tears in his eyes which he cannot decide are there because of the cough or because of the memory.
“Stop it Curtis, you have a life too.”
“He is my life.”
The words escape before he stops himself. Roni had never liked the way he molded his life and entire world around Shiro. She pats his back so hard as if she’s punishing him.
.
.
.
Curtis stays with Veronika naturally.
Just like him, she’s lonely too. Acxa isn’t always on earth, and this time around, It’s gonna take her around three months to get back from a blade mission and Curtis could have his best friend to himself for the duration. Three months is more than enough time to get his divorce affairs done, find an apartment, probably find a new job and stay the hell away from Garrison and Shiro.
His first few days spends on constantly looking at his phone, unconsciously waiting for a call from Shiro which never comes. Several times, Curtis swallows his pride enough to take the phone into his hand and almost dial his number. But Shiro’s last words to him spin in his head like a barrier - ‘I want to be free’.
So he decides to leave him be. Though, if Shiro calls, he think he’ll answer.
.
.
.
The call never comes, instead, Shiro’s lawyers stand on Veronika’s door step quicker than Curtis ever expected. He spends a whole hour memorizing the lead weight of the divorce documents on his hands. He writes the weight and the feel of the smooth papers into his mind like braille on a thick stock paper, and repeats to himself that he will never make the same mistake again, that he will never dedicate himself to anyone so deeply that he’ll forget who he is, that he felt so ‘not enough’ he changed the way he ate and pathetic enough that he forgot how chocolate tasted like.
.
.
.
With a blind eye, Curtis signs all the papers, agrees to all the suggestions and conditions that Shiro’s lawyers put forth about dividing assets, and dispassionately handles all the dirty laundry that comes with a divorce. It's short and quick, the process is conducted online and he doesn't even have to face Shiro. A few ‘journalists’ as they call themselves come to give him a window to express how he feels about the divorce with the ‘universe's hero’. Curtis squarely refuses them and the money offered, and ‘no’ he will never agree to write a ‘tell-all-memoir’.
Few nights after they finalized their divorce, Curtis switches on the TV to be met with an interview with Shiro representing the Galaxy Garrison. Among other important topics, the host doesn’t forget to stray away to the topic of how the inherent risk and the busyness of their lives could affect their family life. Failing at digging dirt, the hostess finally asks the question directly, ‘your quick marriage and quick divorce’ like it’s some meme. Shiro is able to dodge the question in a diplomatic way, because they are here to discuss ‘Galaxy Garrison’. Curtis feels elated, Shiro maybe a lot of things, they may have had a lot of discrepancies in their personalities, but there never was anything ‘dirty’. Shiro was and is a pure soul. Curtis could bet his soul that even if he had bad things to say about Curtis, he would never be pathetic enough to go on about it in public. Even in the very end of their relationship; though it was bitter, they had always maintained respect for each other.
Happily, Curtis listens to the rest of the interview. Shiro is now the head of the Galaxy Garrison long range expeditionary team; and he’s planning new adventures into the universe to explore the untouched parts of the universe. Of course, Shiro’s love was always to travel the space. As the final question, the hosts asks ‘how do you feel now Captain Shirogane, after all these?’
“I feel good, I feel,” he visibly ponders, “ free.”
His body going rigid, his heart burning as if it’s set on fire, Curtis stares at the man on the screen and wonders if it’s actually Shiro.
Yes, he is the man he was married to, it is Shiro alright. And he does look ‘free’ too, like the first days when they first fell in love, like the days when Shiro proposed to marry him out of the blue and then everything went downhill and Curtis ended up measuring his proteins with a food scale to keep up.
.
.
.
After the initial shock, Curtis’s mind gears start turning.
‘Has he occupied Shiro that much? For him to feel ‘so free’ after their divorce and declare it publicly?’
Curtis realizes he had been expecting a particular answer from Shiro, something akin to ‘I’m staying positive’ or ‘I’m starting a new life’. But no, instead. he ‘feels free’, like he’s been in a gauntlet all these times.
Curtis thinks back, back, back and back as far as his memory allows. But he fails to come up with any way he restricted Shiro. Of course he once questioned him about his use of sleep pills, but that was once and only because he felt the bottles emptied quicker than they should. Other Than that, Curtis cannot remember a single time he asked Shiro to change for him.
Yet Shiro is the one who now feels ‘free’.
Curtis switches off the TV. He drops horizontal on his newly bought sofa, in his newly bought apartment. As the only light coming from his newly bought TV goes off, he lays there in total darkness, wide awake.
These days, ‘wide awake’ is nothing new.
Remembering something, he pulls out his phone. He is still using the couple organizer they both used. He uninstalls it and installs a new single user app, fills it with everything he forgot or intentionally gave up during his relationship to Shiro. Satisfied, he flips it on to the sofa.
‘Fine,’ His mumble echoes on the bare walls of the apartment. ‘I can be free too!’
.
.
.