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Some people would walk away from our lives.
With oneself's heart on their blazers, permeating the scent of his love along the fabric, and tears marked on their shoulders as Hyunsuk contemplate whether to let go because he fell out of love (which was not) or let go because he had enough of the pain that crawls inside him for years as it whispers—
“I failed to build my future with you in it.”
His eyes fell on the floor, a bottle of soju on his side, and his heart aches along the droplets of the beverage. Hyunsuk sat on the floor while watching the guy beside him do the same as Jihoon plays with his new cut hair, and an apologetic smile on his lips.
Jihoon slowly leaned into his ear, lips smiling apologetically. “I've always thought that... the future is just a concept we built in our minds, you know.”
“Because if we're living the future we talked about back in college, then why are we miserable now?”
A humorless laugh came out from Jihoon's lips, before gulping another shot. Hyunsuk sat in silence, listening to the man he never knew that'd be here at 11:08 in the evening with his drunk state and aching heart from a past they both wanted to deny, until now.
The younger leaned against the wall, sighing. “If we're in the future, why am I looking for you?”
“Ji...”
“Shhh... I need this.”
“You're hurting yourself.”
“I am, I am hurting myself. And doesn't involve you, okay? Just... stay here.” Jihoon didn't return the eye contact Hyunsuk initiate, so the older sighed as he pressed his back on the wall, watching the constellations heavenward in the middle of a dark hallway of his apartment.
“I'm hurting you again, aren't I?” Hyunsuk asked, eyes still on the starry sky.
He heard a giggle on his side. “Yes, but it's my fault for being an ass and jumps on your apartment with a heavy heart—How long has it been, anyway? 3 years? 2?”
“3 years.” Hyunsuk replied. “3 years since we seperated.”
“How nostalgic.” Jihoon laughed, tightening his grip on the bottle. “And heartbreaking.”
“Why are you here?”
“I needed to see you,” Jihoon shrugged. “To tell myself for a hundred time that you're living your life well already. That I'm just living in the present with my past heartbreaks, how pathetic is that?”
“Say, hyung,” the younger guy turned his head towards Hyunsuk's side.
“How did we end up hurting each other when all we did was to give each other the best of ourselves?”
Silence engulfed the scene, only the wind at 11 pm as the clouds dances along with it can be seen and heard. It was satisfyingly heartbreaking, for the both of them, of course.
“We fell out of love.” He responded, with a heavy sigh. “We fell out of love and were too focused on the future and we fell apart as we know it.”
Jihoon plastered a smile on his face before slowly nodding with Hyunsuk's answer.
“Maybe that's why.”
“What do you mean?”
“The reason why I can't see my future with you,” the younger guy looked upward.
“The future betterment I was seeking, and the concept of future in my mind was built with the image of you. Maybe, I was worried for the future because the future I had in my mind was you already.”
Hyunsuk pursed his lips, before combing his strands back from his eyes. “And that future ruined your present, Ji.”
”Maybe,” Jihoon shrugged, smiling. “Or maybe it didn't.”
He heard once again, a sudden laugh from the drunk Jihoon. Hyunsuk finally met his eyes, as it sparkles with the reflection of the stars.
“I told you, right?” Jihoon's mouth curved into a satisfied smile. “We're not living the future we planned for each other back in college, nor the life we pictured living with the two of us.”
“Now, it's just you and me. If you're willing to give it a shot, I'll finally worry for my present more than for my future, because I can't seem to look forward for my future betterment when you are the imagery of it.”
Some people may walk away from our lives.
“And if you're not with me along the journey in the present, maybe I'll stop aching for that future, because future is a person, hyung. It's you, and will always be you.”
With oneself's heart on their blazers, permeating the scent of his love along the fabric, and tears marked on their shoulders as Jihoon contemplate whether to continue living with his past heartbreaks in the present, or bid his last goodbye with his drunk state and heavy heart that somehow whispers—
“If I'm the Hyunsuk back in college, I'll probably say yes without a second thought, but Ji,” he reached for Jihoon's hand as he smiled apologetically.
“Things are way different now.”
The drunkenness kicks in Jihoon's mind, flashing an eye smile while his heart feels heavier, maybe because of the alcohol—or something else.
Mayhap, heartbreak?
Jihoon nodded, taking that as a defeat. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Congrats on your engagement, hyung.”
But how can he love the heartbreak? Hyunsuk is the one he loved, will love, and will never stop loving.