Work Text:
“Hyunsuk! You're late! The ceremony ended already, go straight to the reception or I'l kick your ass up from your bed.” First thing he heard in the morning was Mashiho's nagging, while he still lies and stares at the ceiling with blank expression despite the undeniably scary voice of his bestfriend.
“Choi Hyunsuk! You're going, ri—”
“I am,” he gulps, “I am, that's what I promised.”
He heard a long heavy sigh from his best friend on the other line, making him chuckle without a tone of humor. “What?”
“Suk... You purposely didn't go to the ceremony, right?”
It sinked in his mind like a bullet, eyes bloodshot out of something he's used to do at night, alone and with no trace of anyone in his room at 12 am. Eyes looking as if they cried for something that wasn't really there, something that he no longer—nor, can have in his arms again.
“Yeah.” Hyunsuk doesn't have enough energy to deny, because that was the truth.
“Suk...”
“I'm fine, Mashi. It's just that, I'm not really in the mood,” he put his feet on the desk, tucking his hair to his ear as he smiled as if he has given up something from years ago.
“Tell Jihoon, I'm sorry. I just... can't.”
Before even a set of awful words from Mashiho can be heard inside his working room, he hung up the phone call as he exhaled. It's 9 in the morning, he's not sure of going but he doesn't have any choice but to do so.
His eyes glowed when he saw the snow globe on the top shelf, covered in dust with the memories of years ago as if it dusted along with their past with whom he bought that for, 5 years ago. Hyunsuk let out a smile, getting up from hi seat as his smile gets bigger when he took the snow globe off the shelf.
Covered in dust, dirt, and memories that carved in his heart like a tattoo.
The guy examined the forgotten thing, looking at the details as he took a tissue and clean it as it crystallized like a brand new one. It was the smallest thing he did, but when the snow globe glows because of the dim light coming from his purple led on the side, his eyes welled up.
“I wonder how you did it, Jihoon-ah.” He slowly shook the globe that makes his smile wider than ever.
“I wonder how you finally got your happy ending and here I am,” his eyes, it talks—sadly, it talks. He squeezed his eyes shut, and breathes calmly.
“Still stuck on the title you drew in me. I wonder, am I that easy to forget?”
The snow globe was a figure shaped in sphere, it was customized for the both of them as a miniaturized instance were enclosed within. It was a scene from their past where they're on the car trunk, two figurines with a brunette and a man with blonde highlights placed; painted smiles, and eyes gleaming along the fake snowball enclosed by the water when it shakes.
The snow globe was their last memory of each other just before Jihoon left, and took everything from Hyunsuk. As well as his heart, and soul in his pocket as if it was his in the first place.
Because it was his, in the very first place. It was all for Jihoon to break, to crush, to destroy—his entirety as a whole. For him. For Jihoon.
“You said before that pain... is just a consequence of love.” Hyunsuk whispered, with his heart as it shakes like how the snow globe was meant to used.
“If it was a consequence of love, then was loving you a crime?” He repeated. “If it was a consequence, am I a sinner of your love that even though you took everything from me, why am I still suffering with that consequence?”
He placed the snow globe on the box, with a letter he wrote from weeks ago when the first time he heard about the wedding. It broke his heart, and it was nothing new. Jihoon is the only one he'll allow himself to get hurt in ways he could never imagine.
Why? Because he's Jihoon. Hyunsuk's entirety was all his to break.
Hyunsuk wrote one last thing on the farthest right of the paper as he finally led himself to the point where he wanted the pain to just disappear, along with the memories that just like the snow globe, they were enclosed by the water of love within the transparent sphere of the pain he allowed to tire himself through the years—the globe shakes, like his heart and drowned the figures.
And he wonders, how come the figurines isn't just like the fake snowflakes that flows along the water? Oh, because they're fake. The figurine that carved by their memories were fakes, glued and nothing but customized.
They were never true.
Because if they do, they'll swirl along the flakes like happily living despite the closed glass.
If they do, they're not covered with dust, and forgotten.
Just like Jihoon, and Hyunsuk.
Hyunsuk took off from his room, storming out from the building as he rode his car to the reception with a heavy heart— he arrived.
He walked to the entrance and slowly realized that, it's as if he's walking infront of the dream he shaped in his mind from years ago, with the certain person named, Jihoon. It's as if he's living the future Hyunsuk of the dream of the college student Hyunsuk. Hyunsuk just smiled, focused himself on walking to the nearest staff as he fishes his gift out of the bag.
“This is for Mr. Park,” he cleared. “I mean, for Park Jihoon, not for Junkyu. Tell him it's from a colleague. Thank you so much.”
That was the first time, the first time Hyunsuk chose himself over the guy that brought and took everything from him only to leave him with nothing, except the love that Jihoon had handed out in portions as if Hyunsuk was never meant to have it as a whole.
•••
The letter inside the box of snow globe:
Jihoon, can I ask you something?
The same night you said that pain is just a consequence of love, I wonder what do you mean?
When you exactly took everything from me, you're happy and contented with the life you worked hard for.
But I wonder, what does it take to achieve the same peace of mind you able to find?
Because Jihoon, I'm still here. Right here. And everything is still killing me.
If only if I already got the idea pinning in me years ago how big of a trouble it is to fall in love with you, maybe it wasn't me that is miserable now.
Maybe, no one will. Neither you.
Five years ago, I thought we would've grown with each other, side by side.
And now, I can't even come to your face and tell you how much happiness I'm feeling knowing that you're finally okay and achieved the contentment in life you always wanted.
I'm sorry, I can't come to the happiest day of your life. I don't want to ruin it, crying ugly than your husband. It's just that, things are too much for me to handle. I can't seem to manage my emotions and choke up in front of people even if it's not my wedding to cry about. You know how much of a crybaby I am, and I can't ruin your wedding ceremony. So I didn't come.
Because it would kill me. In the most hurting way. It would.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you. It's just that, I'm wondering how can you forget something so beautiful, and here I am, still got nothing but filled with your memories. Still into you.
But what makes me upset is—
I'm still willing to welcome you with open arms, shelter you from your future downfalls, and watch you as I stand over your goals because I know you. I know how you put yourself aside while you pursue your dreams. I'll stand over you, out of your reach, and that's okay.
Because what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
You know I never believed in anything abstract, but believe me, when I say, I really wanted it to be you. Undeniably you.
And even if the pain is uneven, I hope the best for you.
Best wishes, Mr. Park. Please, take this snow globe as my goodbye. Thank you so much for being a reminder that better things will always be worth the pain and the consequence of love is something endearing I can befriend in years.
You might not have been my first love, but you were the love that made all the other love, irrelevant.
Thank you.
Choi Hyunsuk from 5 years ago.