Chapter Text
letter #50
look i say this a lot but he looked so good today, i’m sure if you knew who he was you would know what i mean. i don’t even think he had styled his hair or anything but he looked like he’d walked straight from a catwalk.
i could hardly reply to him properly when he approached me, how crazy is that? i talk to him all the time but this morning i’m convinced i stuttered over every single word.
anyway, i can’t make this post too long because it’s lunch which i’m sure you all know. i just wanted to share the fact that he looks particularly good today.
signing off as always:
a lovesick idiot,
anonymous
“who is that?” juyeon sighed deeply as the four boys at their lunch table leaned back from where they had been reading the post on his phone.
“how am i supposed to know?” sunwoo commented, “isn’t that what everyone is trying to find out?”
“yeah and no one has a clue,” hyunjae spoke as he laughed internally at how casually he could lie recently.
he hadn’t meant for his blog to blow up. the first few posts were more like small love letters, he posted them on his school’s anonymous blogging site. it had been set up by their english department to ‘get students to write more’ or something along those lines, hyunjae didn’t really care what it was for because it gave him an outlet.
the feelings he harboured for juyeon had been building up for nearly 3 years so holding them in wasn’t that easy anymore. that’s why the site had probably come along at the perfect time. as he posted for the first time, hyunjae couldn’t help but be nervous, what if it was traced back to him? what if juyeon found out about it? there were so many questions and doubts that he struggled to fight back and in the end hyunjae had to close his eyes, count to ten and hit post.
it hadn’t blown up immediately. only a few people read the first post and then about twenty read the second and about forty read the third but by the tenth his posts were getting thousands of viewers from people even outside of his school. it was terrifying really, that so many people were seeing his rawest and strongest feelings but also something about it felt liberating. his post, although being seen by thousands, was just one among hundreds of others. besides, no one had a clue that it was him.
“i don’t know why you’re so insistent on finding out who it is anyway,” jacob interrupted hyunjae’s thoughts.
“why? don’t you at least find it intriguing?” sunwoo questioned but jacob shook his head in reply.
“isn’t it obvious that this person doesn’t want us to know who they are? why else would it be anonymous?” the oldest asked but it was juyeon who replied to him this time.
“i think about it this way, what if they do want us to know because they don’t want to have to confess to the person because they’re scared?” the boy finished before looking at hyunjae for validation of his point.
hyunjae nodded, as he always did to juyeon, despite the fact that the boy was entirely incorrect. “i’m not sure what the person wants but it is intriguing,” hyunjae began, “i just hope that if someone figures it out they go to that person directly rather than telling the entire student body first.”
“yeah i hope that too,” juyeon smiled before the bell rang and they went their separate ways to class.
hyunjae could barely concentrate after that. it wasn’t typical of him to post whilst he was in school but just something about the way juyeon looked that day had made him lock himself in the toilet during second period and schedule a post. even if hyunjae knew that juyeon would never guess that the posts were about him, he still wanted to express just how cute he looked.
it wasn’t clear why juyeon had dressed up a little more than usual that day, hyunjae just brushed it off and attributed it to the fact that they would be hanging out after school that day. even he had put a little more effort into his appearance that day for the same reason but then again, he always did when it was juyeon involved. regardless though, juyeon had dressed up and he looked good and that alone was enough for hyunjae to make a special blog post.
when the day finally ended and hyunjae had already trudged back to his locker to throw his books inside, he met juyeon at the gates. the boy offered him a huge smile before grinning excitedly at the thought of what was to come.
“dessert?” juyeon raised an eyebrow as he waited for hyunjae’s response. as per usual, the older boy agreed to juyeon’s request enthusiastically and they began the long walk to their nearest shop.
“did you see what choi eunji posted today?” juyeon asked to begin a conversation and hyunjae just shook his head in response, “apparently there’s an arts stage happening at our summer festival.”
“i know where you’re going with this but the answer is no,” hyunjae spoke immediately. it happened every year, juyeon would beg hyunjae to sing at their summer festival but the boy would decline.
“but why?” juyeon pouted, “your voice is so beautiful, it doesn’t make sense that no one should get to hear it.”
“you get to hear it,” hyunjae pointed out and juyeon only huffed in response.
“but i’m just one person, you deserve to have it heard,” the younger protested.
“yes but the only person i want to hear it is you,” hyunjae responded. this also happened every year, juyeon would try his hardest to convince him but hyunjae would remind him time and time again that he was the only person who would be allowed to hear him sing.
“you should dance though,” hyunjae spoke again after a minute.
“you already know i’m going to dance.”
“well i’ll be there to support then but you will never catch me on that stage.”
the dessert shop came into view then as they rounded the final corner and hyunjae was hardly surprised when juyeon’s walking speed began to pick up. in what seemed like no time at all, they had already taken their seats and ordered and were waiting for the arrival of their food.
“i’m just gonna go to the bathroom,” juyeon announced after a couple of minutes of silence where the two boy’s were checking their phones. hyunjae nodded and watched his friend walk through the door before glancing around him to check no one was there and opening up the blogging site.
it was about this time he usually posted his nightly update. he always posted straight after school so that any emotion he had been feeling throughout the day was still fresh, he always felt that his letters from when he was around juyeon were always his best and most emotive.
letter #51
every time you say certain words to me i find it so hard not to blush. you pay me so many compliments and i don’t even think you realise when you do it. your heart is so pure that you dish out compliments like sweets and my weak heart really can’t take it much longer.
do you know how many times you’ve said the same kind words to me? it’s hundreds and every single one of those times i’ve had to use all of my willpower to fight off a blush.
it’s scary how big the impact you have on me is but even if you don’t know it’s me and even though you might never know, i wouldn’t have it any other way.
unless of course, you wanted to date me too (which i think is highly unlikely).
signing off as always:
a lovesick idiot,
anonymous
hyunjae clicked post before setting his phone down and waiting for juyeon to return. he mentally prepared himself for the new blog post to become their topic of conversation and he ran through a few of juyeon’s normal questions in his head and quickly formulated answers.
when they boy finally did arrive back at the table, he picked his phone up and his eyes instantly widened.
“you have them on post notifications?” hyunjae asked in disbelief and juyeon nodded earnestly.
“i want to know what’s happening as soon as it happens,” he pouted, “do you think that’s weird?”
“no!” hyunjae countered quickly, “i was just curious i guess.”
juyeon nodded, “anyway do you want to read it with me?”
hyunjae nodded despite the fact that he already knew what the post said and scooted his chair round a little so that he could read the words on juyeon’s phone. reading the messages around juyeon always felt vaguely embarrassing, even if juyeon had 0 idea that the posts were about him. hyunjae didn’t even dare to think about the teasing he’d get from his friends if they knew he was the one writing the posts.
“it’s so cute,” was juyeon’s first reaction before he got interrupted by the desserts arriving. after taking his first mouthful, he continued, “and they said that the person they’re writing too probably doesn’t want to date them but if i had someone writing letters about me like that then i’d really want to date them.”
hyunjae choked on his ice cream at this and juyeon laughed before handing him his cup of water. “was the entire of me dating someone so surprising that you choked?” juyeon giggled.
“yes,” hyunjae joked, “i could never imagine you in a romantic setting,” he responded with lie number 23 of the day.
“hey i can be romantic when i want to,” juyeon acted mock offended.
“when have you ever been romantic?” hyunjae raised an eyebrow in questioning.
“i bought you a rose on valentine’s day,” he pointed out.
“that was the day after valentine’s day and the lady in the shop gave you it for free because she was about to throw it out that doesn’t count,” hyunjae scoffed and juyeon let out a loud laugh.
“i’m sure i could be romantic.”
“i’ll believe that when i see it.” and oh how hyunjae hoped that one day he would be able to see juyeon’s romantic side.