Work Text:
I don’t really have much
I’m not that manly
And I’m sure sometimes
You want a cool real man
Being in a relationship with the one person you spent pinning on for over a year is surreal to Sunwoo.
There was a point in his life where he thought a friend was all he was ever going to be, because Chanhee was… well, Chanhee. To others that statement might not make any sense, but to Sunwoo it does.
Ever since Sunwoo started dating Chanhee he’s been waking up every day wondering if it was a dream all along, because sometimes there’s no way he can wrap his head around the fact that Chanhee likes him back. Not only likes him, he loves him.
Three months have passed, yet it’s still mind-boggling. He remembers those afternoons he spent bothering the other while he studied — considering the fact that Chanhee was finishing school and had so many things on his plate that must’ve been the most annoying thing that could happen to him —, where he would sometimes stop and stare and admire. He stayed in denial for about a year, and after an entire month of staying up ‘til 3am scrolling through Chanhee’s Instagram account just staring at his pictures and mopping until he fell asleep, he finally admitted to himself that he was, in fact, harboring powerful feelings for his new friend.
So, with how impossible it seemed back then, it’s still hard to understand how this is his reality.
Sometimes after a date he would come home and lie in bed smiling at nothing. He would kick, toss, and turn full giddiness because of how gone he is for his boyfriend.
He bets he looks ridiculous too when he smiles in the dark, illuminated only by the light of his phone, staring at a cute message ending with “love you ◡̈” that Chanhee sent him to say goodnight. At those he moments he almost kisses his phone out of sheer euphoria.
It’s a little crazy that something so little can make him be filled with warm emotions.
Though, even if his body and heart are full of love, his mind still betrayed him.
It started with a movie night.
“We can watch something else if you want,” says Chanhee with a smirk when Sunwoo was about to press play on a new romantic release from Netflix. The poster had caught Chanhee’s attention because it starred an actress he liked. He didn’t have to ask twice when Sunwoo saw it was a romance movie.
Sunwoo rolls his eyes, feeling a little embarrassed. Chanhee was kidding, because he knew very well that he loved romance movies, “Haha.”
Chanhee giggles, scooting a little closer to Sunwoo’s side, “I’m kidding,” his eyes crinkle as he links their arms together, making Sunwoo’s heart want to leap out of his chest.
“I know you are,” he says in a soft whisper and presses play.
The movie is a cliché, just like Sunwoo likes them. The male lead is tall, broad and strong. Maybe a little too manly and arrogant for his liking, but it works perfectly in these scenarios. Nothing gets him going better than a tough dude melting for the girl he loves.
They stay like that, making brief comments here and there. Most of the time Sunwoo forgets the movie is even playing because he can’t ignore the other’s fingers tracing circles on his leg.
Until Chanhee says something that gets stuck inside his brain.
“He reminds me of Jaehee’s boyfriend.” his eyes stay focused on the screen. He sounds nonchalant, probably saying it as an off-hand comment.
“Yeah?” he asks, pretending to watch the movie.
Chanhee hums, “Yeah, he looks cool I guess.”
He adds nothing else after that. Sunwoo is sure he didn’t mean much by saying it, yet he can’t get it out of his head.
He remembers that when he was only friends with Chanhee the other would constantly bring up his friends’ boyfriends and whine about wanting a ‘manly man’ just like that. It might have that Chanhee was just playing around because he knew Sunwoo got easily annoyed with those types of comments. But a distinct part of him tells him that maybe he was being sincere back then. Maybe that was the standard he had in men.
He tries to bury those thoughts away for the time being, because they’re silly. What would even be the point of bringing that up right now? Probably nothing considering the fact that he’s cuddling Chanhee on the couch as they watch a movie, which is something he would’ve never imagined happening half a year ago. He doesn’t need to worry about whatever was said in the past when he has Chanhee in his arms in the present.
At one point, Chanhee falls asleep with his head on Sunwoo’s shoulder.
He only notices when he turns to ask him what he thought of the movie, only the find his peaceful sleeping face.
Sunwoo smiles, taking a moment to appreciate how beautiful his boyfriend is, heart swelling with emotion. He is so damn in love.
-
Yet, even if he told himself there was no point in focusing on that little off-hand comment, after that night he can’t stop overthinking.
It’s not on purpose, really. He wishes he could stop those intrusive thoughts, but man he wonders if maybe his doubts might have a ground to stand on.
Chanhee is… simply perfect to him. The boy of his dreams in every sense of the word.
Sunwoo was clearly attracted to him from the get-go, yet he pushed that aside as he tried to befriend the other. Those feelings grew with time as he got to know and see everything about Chanhee.
He fell in love with all the details he could catch and was left wanting to see more.
When Sunwoo finally gathered enough courage to awkwardly confess to Chanhee, he could not believe what he was hearing as the other simply replied:
“So, are you finally deciding to ask me out? I thought I would have to wait for years.”
Sunwoo had almost passed out in the middle of the café they always went to.
Chanhee told him he liked him for a while, that he knew Sunwoo felt the same way but was waiting for him to make a move first. Sunwoo almost passed out a second time.
It was unbelievable from the start.
And right now he can’t help but think of how big of a loser he might be. Does Chanhee deserve someone like him? A voice inside his head maliciously tells him that, no, Chanhee deserves someone cooler than him. Someone that’s more self-assured that Sunwoo could ever wish to be. Someone better.
Sunwoo is such a clumsy lover, someone that gets overly excited about everything they do together. He knows he looks like a loser to everyone, there’s no way Chanhee doesn’t compare Sunwoo to his friends’ partners that have their life well put together and he is sure he is no match to those standards.
He sighs.
His phone pings with a text from none other than Chanhee.
my love
pick me up tomorrow after work ◡̈
i’ve missed u a little too much this week:(
sunwoo
you can’t just say that to me
my love
but i did :p
sunwoo
[picture]
i’m in pain
my love
you’re so cute
i wish i was there to kiss you
sunwoo
STOP
my love
so, tomorrow?
sunwoo
don’t need to ask twice
my love
oh but i had to, just read up and you’ll see
sunwoo
okay maybe i won’t be going tomorrow
my love
just kidding!
see you tomorrow then babe
sleep well
sunwoo
see you <3 and you too
my love
i love you ◡̈
Sunwoo locks his phone and hides his smile against the pillow, muffling a pained scream against it. He is a loser in love.
I’ve been feeling like a huge nerd lately
But even though I’m such a loser
Why are you looking at me with such a bright smile?
Even with those recurring thoughts he’s been having, there’s nothing that can stop Sunwoo from being so damn happy about going to see Chanhee.
He bites his lip as he stands in front of his bed, scanning the outfit he chose for today. Sunwoo gets giddy with anticipation whenever he’s going to take Chanhee out on a date, it’s been months yet it doesn’t get old. The same feeling bubbles inside his tummy, the nervousness about dressing up nicely so that Chanhee thinks he looks good.
He guesses that’s what being with the person you love does to you.
He dresses up and leaves to pick him up.
Sunwoo is waiting in front of what now has become a familiar building.
Chanhee’s workplace changed a lot in the two years they knew each other. He went from working at the University café on the last couple of months of his senior year, to working at three different makeup stores in just five months to finally his current job at a quite popular clothing store where he’s been working for almost a year already.
He looks up at the last rays of sunshine disappearing into the sky and sighs. He wishes Chanhee got more free days so they could have a picnic and watch the sunset, maybe by the Han river — or he could find a terrace for it to be more private. Sunwoo knows Chanhee would love that, but it’s hard to find free time before night.
He taps his feet against the floor and looks at the entrance of Chanhee’s workplace, just in time to see him approach the exit to walk out.
The other boy waves at someone inside as he opens the door, smiling. Sunwoo bites his lip unconsciously as he looks at him. The rush of emotions when he sees his boyfriend is something that never goes away either.
When Chanhee locks eyes with him, he smiles even wider, “Babe!”
He jogs a little and hugs Sunwoo without giving him time to prepare, making his already sped up heart weaker. He hugs back tight. “Hey baby,” he says, kissing the side of his head.
Chanhee presses his nose against Sunwoo’s neck for a moment, breathing in. Then he leans back smiling, “Did you wait for long?”
Sunwoo shakes his head. “Don’t worry, I came earlier,” he says.
“Yeah? Why?”
Sunwoo blushes. He doesn’t want to say he couldn’t wait and had to leave early because he was so excited to see him.
“Had nothing to do,” he says nonchalantly, pouting out his lips a little. Chanhee giggles.
“Right,” he says, voice full of amusement. His eyes look bright and sparkly, an aura of radiance surrounding his whole being. Sunwoo can’t believe how beautiful he is. “Now let’s go, lead the way.”
For today, they had little planned. They loved to walk around the city, eating from the tents in the street.
They walked around, arm in arm, just mindlessly talking about whatever.
Chanhee told Sunwoo about a customer that gave him a headache today, he described how she caused a huge scene saying that Chanhee was trying to scam her out of her money and then when he denied it she changed her story to how he supposedly tried to sell her things at a higher price. The entire story made him feel a little helpless because damn, if he could do something, he would.
“Luckily my boss is not the ‘the client is always right’ type of person, or else I would’ve already been fired,” he says. Sunwoo squeezes his arm, pulling him a little closer, which makes him almost miss a step. They stumble a little, “Woah! Be careful,” he says, smiling.
“Sorry,” Sunwoo wonders why Chanhee always smiles at him like that even when Sunwoo is being such a mess.
“It’s okay baby,” he points with his hand at a bench in the park they’ve ended up at, “We should go sit over there, I’m a little tired from walking around.”
Sunwoo nods and leads the way.
They sit down and Chanhee immediately rests his head on Sunwoo’s shoulder, sighing comfortably.
“You know babe,” starts Chanhee, Sunwoo hums to let him know he’s listening, “You can tell me anything,” he says. It sounds really sincere, a hint of worry in his tone.
Sunwoo blinks, looking down at Chanhee, “Well,” the other grabs his hand, resting both of them on top of Sunwoo’s thigh, “I’ve noticed you seemed a little off,” Sunwoo purses his lips, feeling caught, “And I just wanted to let you know I can listen to anything you have in your mind, and if something I do bothers you, you can tell me too.”
His heart does a funny thing right there. He knows it should be a normal thing, being cared for, yet he can’t help to feel so moved by those words.
He looks back to when they started dating and remembers a promise he made to himself: Stay sincere.
It’s hard to always be open and honest, but if he wants this to work, he needs to come clean.
He is nervous, of course. He is also sure Chanhee can feel the slight tremble of his hand against his own.
“Um,” Chanhee squeezes his hand, “Please don’t laugh or anything, promise?”
Chanhee looks up, “I would never,” he says, earnestly. Sunwoo believes him.
“So, I think I’m too big of a loser to be dating you.”
“Huh!?” says Chanhee, sitting straight back.
“I started to feel a bit… insecure? Like I’m- I’m a loser. I thought back to what it was like when we were just friends and it got me thinking,” he looks everywhere but to Chanhee, “You always used to go on about how you wanted a big man to date you and-“
Chanhee cuts him off, “Babe, I was kidding back then.”
Sunwoo wets his lips, “And I can’t help but compare myself to those people, like your friends’ boyfriends that you always used to mention. Because I can’t protect you from bigger things, I’m a little shy in public, I still lack the confidence to pull you closer in crowded places… I lack so much as a man.”
Then, out of nowhere, Chanhee giggles.
“You said you wouldn’t laugh!”
The other doesn’t reply, instead he grabs his face, squishing his cheeks, “You big dumbass, that’s not what love is about.”
Sunwoo blinks.
“Sunwoo, baby, my love, you’re more than enough of a man. I don’t know who fed you the idea that men need to be big and strong to be ‘a man’, but even then you’re so strong. I don’t need you to grow muscles and lift me in your arms for me to love you with all of my heart, you know?” as he speaks, Sunwoo’s entire body heats up, “You are everything I want in a man because you love me like no one else has ever loved me,” Chanhee’s eyes are dripping with sincerity and something Sunwoo can only describe as pure and undoubted love.
He opens his mouth a few of times until he comes up with something to say, “But what about how nervous I get every time I’m about to see you? You do not know how much I wanted to puke before our first date. Now I stand in front of my bed for at least an hour trying to choose that to wear, and you know I’m not the type to worry too much about clothes,” he rambles, while Chanhee just waits for him to finish, hands now resting on his shoulders.
“Many days of the week I can’t even sleep because the only thing I have in my mind is you, even during the day you live in my thoughts. I look pathetic when we don’t see each other for too long! I’m not cool at all, I’m sure I can’t even kiss you the way you’d like me to,” he finishes.
Chanhee stares at him, biting back a smile.
“You’re such a fool,” he says, one hand coming up to caress Sunwoo’s cheek, “Everything you just said just made me want to kiss you stupid on this bench in front of everyone.”
Sunwoo is sure his heart just escaped from his body.
“My lovely boy,” starts Chanhee, “I don’t know what impression I’ve given you, but believe me when I say it’s the same for me,” the conviction in his voice as he speaks makes Sunwoo’s fingers tingle, “I’m so incredibly in love with you that on days I know you’re picking me up my coworkers tease me all day because they say I can’t get that ‘stupid smile’ off from my face,” Sunwoo grabs Chanhee’s thigh, looking for something to keep him grounded, “I cannot go to sleep without looking at a picture of you because I’m so convinced it’s going to help me dream of you.”
Sunwoo bites his lip, he’s left speechless and unable to form a single coherent thought. His entire mind filled with Chanhee and Chanhee only.
Chanhee’s smile shifts to something a little sultry, his hand swiftly moving to trace his lips, “And never worry about not kissing me right, I promise that you’re doing a fantastic job at everything, not only that.”
Sunwoo blushes, gripping a little tighter where he was holding Chanhee’s thigh.
“I don’t even know what to say,” he says that with Chanhee’s fond gaze focused on him.
“You don’t need to say anything more as long as you promise me you know how much I love you.”
It’s weird, to hear the words I love you coming out of Chanhee’s pretty pink lips so many times. He’s used to hearing it only sometimes, he more often gets to read it instead of it being voiced. It shows, though, how much the other seemed to want Sunwoo to believe him and feel reassured.
“I promise,” he says.
“Then that’s enough,” there’s a glint in his eyes before he speaks again, “I wish we were at my apartment so I could just push you down with me so you could ta-” Sunwoo quickly covers his mouth with one hand, not letting him finish.
“We are in public!” he whispers, unable to fight back his smile. He takes his hand away when Chanhee bites him, “Oh my god did you just bite me?”
Chanhee ignores him. “It’s not like there’s anyone here, and it’s super dark too! I think I deserve at least one kiss after having to hear you be all endearing and lovely and confess how you love me deep to your bon-“
He’s cut off by the press of Sunwoo’s lips. He kisses him slowly and intensely, hoping that Chanhee feels everything he said before.
The other immediately kisses back, arms locking around his neck to push him a little closer. Chanhee’s mouth is so sweet, as sweet as he is in every sense. Sunwoo thought from the moment they had their first kiss that they were made to be like this, their lips locking perfectly together.
They had chemistry, and every move was so natural. Right now being no exception. Kissing Chanhee has always been different from kissing anyone else, because he’s never felt so much for a person in his life. He wishes he could say more, and maybe he could if he loved Chanhee any less. But he doesn’t, so words can never reach the point where he’s at.
The kiss doesn’t evolve to anything more out of respect for, well, being in a public space. But even then they stay like that for a couple of minutes, soft lips pressed against each other moving tenderly.
Chanhee is the first to pull away, a dreamy cloud glazing his eyes, “I think we need to head home,” he says, firmly.
Sunwoo agrees.
On the way to Chanhee’s apartment, after a while of walking in silence hand-in-hand, the other boy suddenly speaks.
“I’m happy you told me, you know? It’d be unfortunate if you stayed thinking all those things when, to tell you the truth, you make my head spin with just a smile.”
Sunwoo thinks he sheds a tear, and instead of saying anything he squeezes Chanhee’s hand to let him know everything.
With a heart full of love, they both walk home.